Kate Babysits

Kate Babysits

Bruce: Kate I have an emergency.

Kate: What's up Bruce?

Bruce: A sorcerer put a deaging spell on the kids and-

Kate: And you need my help tracking down the sorcerer? No problem I-

Bruce: Actually I was going to see if you could babysit while I figure this out.

Kate just glares at him: Why can't Alfred babysit? Or your Justice League friends? Or, maybe, just maybe, you could hire a fucking babysitter!

Bruce, sighing: Please Kate, just stay back and babysit, please?

Kate: ...fine, but just remember I have no idea how to entertain kids, so if anything goes wrong it's on you.

Bruce, rolling his eyes: Sure, what's the worst that can happen?

-> 30 minutes later <-

Kate holds a two month old Damian as she looks down at a 4 y/o Duke, 5 y/o Tim, 5 y/o Steph, 6 y/o Cass, 6 y/o Jason, 11 y/o Dick, and 12 y/o Babs.

Kate: Okay kiddos, remember what auntie Katie taught you, no shooting in the house or at eachother.

Hands the kids guns.

Babs: Miss Katie, are you sure this is a good idea?

Kate: Of course it is swe- JASON! You will not try to shoot Tim! And stop chasing him before- Oh no...

Tim falls down the manor stairs, knocks out his front teeth. Kate shifts Damian to one arm and runs to the now crying Tim, picking him up and holding him on her hip, she checks him over.

Kate: Oh fuck! Bruce is gonna kill me!

Steph: Fuck!

Kate slowly turning to look at Steph: ...no

Steph, runs away yelling: FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!

Kate: Shit!

Dick, opens his mouth

Kate: Don't you dare! Go swing from a chandelier or something.

-> 5 minutes later <-

Cass: F- fu- fuck!

Kate: What?! How??

Steph, looking very proud: Cass and I played school and I taught her a new word!

Kate: Why would you-

A loud crash comes from the foyer.

Kate: shitshitshitshit.

Sees Dick on floor, mostly unharmed other than some bruises and a cut on his hand from a sharp metal edge on the chandelier.

Kate: What did you do?!

Dick: You told me to swing from a chandelier!!

Kate: It's called sarcasm!

Babs, sticking her tongue out at Dick: He's only 11, and my dad says that sarcasm is for adults. Like me!

Kate, looking unimpressed: How old are you?

Babs, looking very proud: I'm 12!

Kate: Well, that sucks because sarcasm is for 13 and up.

Babs looks offended and Dick sticks out his tongue at her.

Kate, shoves Damian into Barbara's arms: Take this, Tim I'm gonna need you to let go so I can bandage up Dick's hand.

Tim, now speaking with a lisp: Noooooo! I'm still sad!

Kate: Tim, please.

Tim just sniffles and gives her puppy dog eyes.

Kate: Fine! I can do this one handed.

-> 10 minutes and one bandaged hand later <-

Kate: Okay Dick, this time you stay near me.

Dick immediately treats Kate like a jungle gym and climbs on to her shoulders.

Dick: Okay!

Kate: Oh my god you're heavy, aren't you a little old to be carried?

Dick: But my hand hurts too much to walk!

Kate, rolling her eyes: Okay okay fine. At least I can still hold the baby, now where did Babs go?

Now with Dick on her shoulders, and Tim on her right hip she walks into the study to find the entrance to the batcave open.

Kate: Shit!!

Kate runs into the batcave and sees Cass practicing with all the weapons while Steph runs in circles around her. Damian has been placed on one of the lab tables near several tubes of acid, fear toxin, cuddle pollen, etc. instead of watching Damian Barbara is typing something on the batcomputer. Duke is still yelling fuck, but now he's also playing with a flame thrower.

Kate, picking up Damian with her left arm: Barbara stay away from there! Steph, Cass, come here right now! Duke, do not play with fire! Wait, where's Jason??

Looking around frantically Kate sees a holding cell. She puts Dick and Tim in there while she goes to catch the others.

Tim: Nooooo!!!

Kate: Dick, your brother is sad, give him cuddles!

Dick immediately pulling Tim into a hug and soothing him: Okay!

Kate takes away Duke's flamethrower: Do you know your abc's?

Duke, looking offended: Of course I do! I can write my name and all my abc's and-

Kate, pulling out a pen and a pad of paper: That's great, show me everything you can write.

Duke nods excitedly and Kate ushers him into the holding cell with Dick and Tim. She gives him the pen and paper, Duke starts to slowly write his name and the alphabet. Kate grabs Steph and Cass.

Kate: Hey Stephie?

Steph: Yes Miss Katie?

Kate: Duke is trying to learn how to write big words, and since you're such a good teacher I thought you could help!

Steph nods excitedly and immediately follows Kate into the cell to help. Kate picks up Cass and leaves the cell, locking the door on her way out.

Kate: Okay, Babs, what are you doing?

Barbara: Playing a video game.

Kate looks on the screen and sees that Baba has accessed the watch tower security cameras and is repeatedly turning alarms, lights, weapons systems, etc on and off. Superman and Green Lantern are freaking out while frantically searching for an invader.

Kate, nods looking slightly concerned: Okay, you have fun with that...

Kate runs upstairs to find Jason, after looking for an hour she finds him twirling a gun and reading a book in the library.

Kate: Wow, I guess somethings never change.

Jason looking up: What'd you say?

Kate: Nothing. Hey, where's your old DS?

Jason: Upstairs in-

Kate: Sweet, show me.

Jason: But I'm-

Kate: Show me now and I'll give you cookies.

Jason: hmmm... okay!

-> After grabbing the DS <-

Kate: Okay, grab all the books you want and follow me to the batcave.

They walk down to the cave and Kate puts Jason in the holding cell with Duke, Steph, Tim, and Dick. Jason is completely unphased by the others surrounding him, instead of addressing them he starts reading again.

Kate: Hey Babs, come here!

Babs: I'm in the middle of a game!

Green Lanterns screams can be heard coming from the speakers.

Kate: Wouldn't you rather play Cooking Mama?

Babs turns on all the alarms in the watch tower, turns off all the lights, and activates all major weapons before taking the DS and playing with it in the holding cell.

Kate: Uhhh, okay Cass, what do you like?

Cass looks at her confused. Kate looks around and sees a knife on the table.

Kate: Here, play with this, just keep it away from the others.

Cass happily walks into the cell while twirling the knife. Kate sighs in relief as she locks the door. She starts to sit down when Damian starts screaming.

Kate, rocking him: Shhhhhh, okay, okay. Uhhhh.

Damian starts flailing around, occasionally he's able to pull on a lock of her hair. She holds him at arms length and continues to rock him, this time it's more awkward due to her arms being completely extended. She sets him down a training mat to find something to sooth him. When she looks back on him he's giggling and gnawing at the handle of a sword.

Kate, shrugging: That works

-> 2 hours later <-

Bruce walks into the cave to see Kate asleep on the training mats, 2 month old Damian beside her chewing on a sword, and all of his other kids entertaining themselves in a holding cell that contains several knives and guns.

Bruce: KATE!! Did you give the kids weapons?!

Kate, opening her eyes sleepily: Wha-? Oh, yeah, couldn't find any toys.

Bruce: ...Next time I'm calling Roy.

Kate just shrugs as Bruce opens the cell door. Steph and Duke come running out, chasing eachother. Cass follows the two timidly. Jason keeps reading. Dick awkwardly carries a sleeping Tim. Bruce smiles takes Tim from Dick.

Bruce, as Tim slowly blinks his eyes open and yawns: Hey Timm- What happened to his teeth?!

Kate: ...uhhh, gotta go!

Is this what it feels like to be in love

It took me wayyyyy to long to realise the nightwings discowing suit is his disco-wing suit and not his dis-cow-ing suit. However I will continue to pronounce it my way as I’m too far in now to stop.

I also stand by the fact that it should have been called the discowl. Get it disco + cowl = discowl.

I’ll shut up now

Jason: I hate Batman. I want him dead by my hand. I’ll kill him without remorse.

Batman: I care about you and I want to help you.

Jason:

I just want to take a moment to rant about how Titans is ruining Red Hood.

I understand Jason was scared. We know fear can be paralysing, it can change a person completely and make them do unimaginable things. And someone like Jason, it makes them feel like they are losing control. And Robin was taken away from him. The one thing that represented a different path for him than living as a thief on the streets of Gotham. It was a second chance. His father, Bruce, took away the one thing that gave him stability.

The whole Scarecrow manipulating thing ruined his character development, if you ask me. Because becoming Red Hood was his decision. Red Hood represents everything that Batman isn’t. Everything happened too fast, we couldn’t see his transition to Red Hood. In the show, we see it’s Crane’s plan and doing.

We knew Jason would be a little more brutal and psychotic as he would be experiencing the Lazarus pit’s effects. But all I see in the show is a kid with violent tendencies, playing with guns. Not the Red Hood but a Scarecrow 2.0.

Red Hood is blinded by his desire to avenge himself, he’s so angry but somehow he finds a way to stay in control; focus on a goal and target, calculating every step. But this Jason doesn’t know what he’s doing, he’s simply following Crane’s orders because he gives him the anti-fear gas.

While some say it’s another take on the character, a different story. I’m sorry but no. This isn’t the Red Hood, this is inconsistent and poor writing.

And I would hate it if the show did follow the comics exactly. But if you look at shows like young justice that adapt storylines from the comics into their own context people love that. And I think the difference is that the characters are still true to who they are in the comics, you could look at the decisions that yj characters make and it would still make sense for their comic counterparts. You can’t do that for Titans.

I can also admit however that some of my distain for Titans probably comes from some internalised toxicity. I went into the show expecting it to be bad and therefore it was.

Hot take: If Titans wasn’t based of off comics I would actually really enjoy it and so would a lot of other people