It Was Even Funny To Him.

It was even funny to him.

Funny that the man who married her was also the man to put her in her grave. Funny that the perpetrator was also the inheritor. Funny that more water leaked from the pores of his forehead than his eyes.

That’s the way life is.

He was the type of person who, after burying his wife, would shrug and say, “That’s the way life is.”

“What do you mean ‘If I get arrested’?”

“Right, sorry. When. When you get arrested, I don’t know you.”

“If you get arrested, I don’t know you.”

“I may be dumb, but I’m not that dumb.” “She was picking up pizza outside of your dorm on your birthday and you thought that she was cancelling your guys’ dinner plans to eat with someone else.” “... It could have been a tad more clear.” “What did you want? A big arrow pointing to the box saying, ‘Pizza for Lilian’s surprise birthday party’?” “That would have cleared everything up, yes.”

Ashley's Alphabetical Prompts (pt. 2)

“As long as I’m not the one doing the plan, I’m cool with supporting it.”

“Bet me fifty bucks and I’ll do it.”

“Come on, you didn’t really believe that lie, did you?”

“Do you have any alcohol? I need it.”

“Everywhere I go, here you are. This is getting creepy.”

“For the love of God, I just wanted some coffee!”

“Give me that, you fiend.”

“How did you even get up there? Actually, I don’t want to know, never mind.”

“I may be dumb, but I’m not that dumb.”

“Just hurry up and leave, my mom’s going to be here soon.”

“Knucklehead is such a pure term, don’t you agree? Like, I want someone to insult me by calling me a knucklehead.”

“Look! Wait, don’t look, that’s gruesome. Oh…Oh wow.”

“Much appreciation, kind sir.”

“Never take anything I say seriously.”

“Over the bridge, take a right, there’s the body.”

“Plan F isn’t going so well, on to plan G?”

“Quiet! Don’t you see she’s sleeping?”

“Respect your elders, I’m seven months older than you so have to respect me.”

“Something tells me this isn’t just a kind visit, what do you want?”

“Try again, asshat, I’m still alive.”

“Unblock the damn door, I’m cold!”

“Vacant towns are probably my biggest fear.”

“Why did you do the exact opposite of what I said?”

“X,Y, and Z. I used to think ‘and’ was another letter.”

“You are the worst person in my life, but I love you.”

“Zip up your jacket, nobody wants to see that!”

"I walk around with a winter jacket in freezing weather to establish intelligence."

“I walk around with a t-shirt in freezing weather to establish dominance.”

"You nearly electrocuted yourself this morning by sticking a knife in the toaster while it was plugged in, you almost stumbled into the fire pit last night when you were the only one sober, you ate a brownie that had a label saying 'contains nuts' and had to be rushed to the hospital, and the fire department had to come to your house three times last week. How exactly do you find that to be a 'good start'?"

Writing Prompt #108

“If there’s anything I’ve managed to do pretty well in my life, so far it’s not die. So we’re off to a good start on that one.”

My amazing (but rude) friend made aesthetics for my baby.

Aesthetic post: Allen

@thisastroblogisnotonfire