I Don't Often Like To Be Touched

I don't often like to be touched

But only because of how sensitive I am to it.

My chief love language

I fantasize about someone's fingers

Running down my side.

In the hands of someone who cares

I could utterly disintegrate.

At the mercy of someone who loves me

I would lose my mind completely.

I crave it

Long for it

Yearn for the sensation.

Starved for affection

I quake when a crush passes too close.

There is a fire that rages within me

Hatred for those I do not wish to touch me

And agonizing need for those I fancy.

I remember when I was younger

Preaching before god's children.

I alluded to the possibility

That god might be a sinner.

"To be capable of sin

Is to be guilty of sin"

And Jesus Christ

Was tempted to sin.

Indeed

god said we switched places.

If I were a sinner damned to god

Then god was damned to sin.

I exalted free and clean

Having never been guilty in any case.

Lips that drip honey

I'm going to miss you when we're gone

Say what you will about my lack of dating, I have broken up with more than my fair share of friends.

The greatest intimacy still remains

Gazing into my eyes.

There is nothing more raw

More revealing

More utterly decimating to my self.

I timidly make eye contact

It is all together too intense.

Yet if someone should capture my affections

And dare me to dream

My heart can hardly take it

Even

The thought of it.