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So The Tire-eating Potholes In My Neighborhood Finally Killed Both My Rear Tires And I Had To Get That
So the tire-eating potholes in my neighborhood finally killed both my rear tires and I had to get that dealt with, but while they were getting replaced, I put the dogs in puppy daycare and upon picking them up early, the attendant literally sprinted to the front desk, grabbed me by the shoulders and breathlessly exclaimed "YOUNEEDTOCOMESEEWHATYOURDOGSAREDOING"
While she escorted me back to the play yards, she explained that every time they have more than three Corgi, they have to put all the Corgs in a separate play yard because they turn into a little gang and bully the Very Large dogs by playing Cow Herding Simulator 5000 with them, and especially if Herschel is there, because corgis are bossy-pants dogs, and Herschel has the bossiest pants of them all and acts as leader.
Despite being a little Don Corgleone to the short bitch mafia, Hershcel is also a Huge Baby and will apparently cry and cry and try to climb the fence and cry and eat people's shoelaces and cry if he is separated from Charlie during playtime, so this means any time that "Corgi Party" is happening, Charlie also has to go to Corgi party, despite being full-height, running cat software and a senior citizen. he copes with being Gulliver amongst the Liliputians by climbing onto the roof of the playskool castle they have for a climbing structure in the yard, kicking the ladder down behind him, and stretching out to nap in the sun while the corgi frolic and gambol around him.
Corgi are dogs that make up and play games with secret rules, like kindergartners. "Everyone bark in sync" is a popular game, as is "follow the leader" and it's companion game "March in a circle around a tall structure like ants caught in a death loop".
So what I was greeted with, when the attendant and I snuck out to the play yard, was the sight of Charlie, sound asleep and flat on his back with his paws crossed over his chest because sighthounds sleep in the stupidest fucking positions, on top of a faux-medieval castle with gargoyles on the corners, surrounded by approximately seven Corgi, all trotting in a circle around him, barking in sync.
"They look like they're preforming some kind of ritual!" giggled the attendant as attempted to get my phone to focus.
"Yeah, they're gonna summon Corgtulhu." I said.
Unfortunately, this made the attendant literally fall on her ass laughing, and distracted Herschel and his compatriots, so they didn't get to complete the summons, and I didn't get the pic.
The attendant kept laughing because apparently she's new to puns, and had mostly gotten it under control by the time we got everyone's leashes on and back out to the front.
The manager was watching the front desk, bemused. Did you get to see them doing the ritual?"
"YEAH!" shrieks the attendant, still excitable with merriment. "THEY'RE- THEY WERE-" The attendant ends up giggling on the floor.
"You okay there Katie?" asked the manager with minimal concern.
"We think they were trying to summon Corgthulhu." I eplain, and Katie screams from the floor. "Wasn't gonna work though, you need a virgin sacrifice and Charlie had an STD when we got him."
It was the manager's turn to shriek. and for Charlie and Herschel to start barking in solidarity.
"That's right Charlie! Your sluttiness saved the world!" I told him, as he jumped up and kicked me in the face.
Anyway, that's why Charlie's nickname at daycare is now "Superman(whore)"
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If you found this story amusing, please consider donating to my Ko-fi or pre-ordering the Family Lore book on my Patreon so I can buy the good dogs more treats.
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More Posts from Angelichallows
TW: stealing, blind pickpocket, 2012, memory loss
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You’ll never guess what just happened,,,
Hello, tumblr user. Before you is a tumblr post asking you to name a female fictional character. You have unlimited time to tag a female character, NOT a male one.
Begin.
I faced bullying before realizing I wasn't straight. I was very tall for my age and also "weird" because I was autistic (although I didn't know until the summer prior to 4th grade when I was tested, even if no one I told believed me after being diagnosed as I wasn't diagnosed since kindergarten so obviously I was bullshitting!). The bullying came from majority of my grade level—NOT JUST CLASS—and also was not helped by and was also sometimes from my teachers, too. Fucking hell.
LGBTQ+ people, have you experienced...
Bullying?
Homophobia?
Transphobia?
More than one of these?
None of these?
Wait—
HOW FUCKING MANY OF US ARE DOING THIS???
Isn't it fairly common for schizophrenia and/or a learning disability to go hand-in-hand with other forms of neurodivergency? (Bipolar, ASD, among others)
I say this as I both have POTS and a mild learning disability (Borderline Intellectual Functioning) plus both Bipolar and ASD, and I never knew people of my community were being dicks like this.
This fucking sucks. I am so sorry this is going on.
the way a lot of neurodivergents on this site talk about physically disabled people (with contempt and disgust) is a lot less surprising when you see how they treat schizophrenics and people with learning disabilities (who they are also scapegoating because they’re ’not like a crazy wacko with no job who lives at home!!!!’)