CHAPTER 7

CHAPTER 7

Chapter 7 is dropping at 2:22 PST! Hope you guys enjoy this one!

UPDATED CHAPTER 6

Finally updated chapter 6 and I'm working on Chapter 7 right now!

Chapter 8 Updates

Working on Chapter 8 and workshopping the next chapters to come. Feel like it's kind of obvious but I don't have this story mapped out at all. The first chapter was going to stay a one-shot but due to a lot of interest on ao3 I decided I should make something out of it. From the beginning I always knew how this was going to end and the route I wanted this fanfic to take but never the in between. Therefore, the next chapters might take a while to come out because I'm trying to figure out pacing and plot development.

Magnum Opus | phantom reunions

characters: ex!eren x reader, husband!levi x reader

summary: Insomnia and nicotine can cause a lot of mental hiccups but neither of you believed this one to be in relation to that.

tags: angst, fluff, eren finally shows up (kinda ??), a slice of life, children, parenthood, grief/mourning, these kids ain't giving reader a break, justice for hange.

“Hange stop holding onto the fence like that. You’re creeping people out.” You lectured the adult as you leaned your back against a nearby wall, while one of your hands held onto the handle of Amos’s stroller. Your other hand was being used as a makeshift fan as January’s weather was erratic with it only getting used to the divergence of climate. Today is a testament to its troubles with the heat being overbearing. Living close to the school, Hange suggested walking instead of using your car as transportation. – “Gas emissions are one of the leading causes of climate change.” 

Reluctantly they retracted their hands from the wire, demeanor going slack at the fact they no longer could stand guard. Keeping your words in mind, they let their eyes wander the vicinity to see that people were indeed staring not at them but at you.

“I’d say that I’m not the object of interest here.” They muttered, side-eying all of the individuals that were bold enough to make their gazes on you known. Many people were attracted to you like a moth to a flame based on Hange’s analysis. Never had you taken their words for a fact as you simply believed they were trying to boost your ego. 

Deciding to let you be ignorant on the matter, they frowned,  “Excuse me for being a concerned guardian.”

In your case, you had not heard their first comment nor acknowledged the gazes not because you were ignorant of the matter but because you simply weren’t interested. You felt your eyes automatically roll at their excuse. “This is an elementary school, not some sort of underground fight club.”

“That’s what they all say.” They exasperated before crouching down to come to eye level with Amos, who was previously aimlessly observing the other people waiting. Noticing a big shadow overtaking the sun, the child smiles seeing their godparent. They poked Amos’s pudgy cheeks, trying to coerce him to agree with their antics. “Isn’t that right baby? This is just some big fight club and Han-Han isn’t crazy.” 

His eyes crinkled while his mouth drew outwards, nodding his head in agreement as he chirped, “Yeah!”

The artist who had drawn the adorable illustrated smile on your son had now drawn the same design on themselves  — be it not adorable but still the same design prompt, you watched their eyes switch up towards your sitting form. “Why can’t you be more like your son? He understands the vision.”

“Wanna change my diaper, Han-Han?” You spoke with a babyish cadence, inching closer to their face. 

No one batted an eye at your words, probably believing you were mimicking your child in the stroller. However, Hange knew that simply was not the case. Having been with a man such as Levi for so long, you’ve adapted his personality’s tang to be your own. You were given the package deal that included his crude humor. 

They recoiled at the mental image you graciously painted for them while they pursed their lips. Placing their hands on their knees for support, they become eye level with you. “Your humor disgusts me. I hope you know that.”

“Gotta make life interesting for you somehow.” You teased, grinning from receiving the reaction you wanted. It had only grown in length when you heard a little giggle coming from inside the stroller. Bending to the side you were welcomed with your cheerful child erupting in a gibberish tangent with the only word deciphered from it being, ”Up! Up!” 

Unlatching the buckles in his stroller, you pull him towards you, cradling him in your arms you use an arm to shove the now empty stroller towards Hange, who didn't make much of an effort to refuse it as they were minimally shocked by the betrayal of their old accomplice.

“Why can’t you be more like your godson? He understands the joke.” You mocked and before they could even utter a response the sound of the school bell rang throughout the campus accompanied by the boisterous bustle of children eager to leave. 

The loud noise was not welcomed by Amos as he almost immediately began to wail. You had made the mistake of not bringing his headphones and now had to deal with the consequences. A stream of tears flowed through his tear ducts and partially made his steely eyes look foggy. You learned to not panic in these situations as it would only add to his own overwhelmed state. Instead, you would reassure him that there was nothing to fear and pull him closer to your body to let him know that you were there. It did indeed calm him down as he was now reduced to sniffles. 

Lifting your eyes towards the influx of elementary school students, your eyes brighten seeing your two children walk hand in hand, both of their eyes frantically trying to find your silhouette amongst the crowd. Tapping on Amos’s cheeks you point a finger in their direction and whisper in his ear, “Look over there, it’s bubba and sissy.” 

His clouded eyes followed your finger in a rather skeptical manner. His vision was slightly obscured but he could easily decipher the hazy silhouettes of his sibling. Rubbing the tears from his face, he cleared his vision and using all the vocal power he called out for his siblings in glee. 

Meanwhile, Hange had begun a search of their own with their hand being used as a visor of sorts with their index fingers pressed up against their eyebrows as their eyes had zeroed in on the crowd and found their targets. To be fully immersed in their search, they had yet to notice that you had spotted them first. Believing their running figures to be directed towards them and confusing their excited voices chanting “Mama! Bubba!” to be other children. Opening up their arms in expectation, they sigh in bliss as they flutter their eyes closed for added effect. 

After a while in their position, they were not met with the graces of tiny arms wrapping around their legs but instead the gushing of air. Peering an eye open they are greeted by the scene they had envisioned for themselves to be realized with you. 

They tried to recover from embarrassment but it was too late. 

With a judging stare, Iris pokes her head out of your legs and points towards the adult. “Han-Han, why are you standing like that? You look weird.” 

Masking their disappointed disposition, they let out a whistle as they covered up their actions in a stretch. “Just taking in the air and letting out a good stretch! You know, gotta be ready for the walk home.”

“You’re getting old, Hange! If you stretch too much you might break a bone. We learned that in class today. Right, Iris?” He turned to his sister who nodded in agreement. “Be careful.”

Children are easy to deceive and take everything for face value. They don’t know better and have yet to understand that they shouldn’t trust what everyone says. Most children do, at least. Whether you or Levi had some sort of special intellectual gene that was then passed on to your children was beyond them. Since they were kids, they wanted to believe that they were genuine in their concerns. However, as your kids, they couldn’t wholeheartedly believe that to be true. 

Their jaw slacked with the inclusion of a twitching eye, staring incredulously at the twins. Shifting their eyes upwards they see you with your head turned away from them and lips suctioned inwards in hopes of not bursting out in laughter. 

“Hey! Your mom and I aren’t that different in age!” They retorted back, highly offended at the fact that they were the only ones being discriminated against.

“I’m not the one pushing 30.”

“Why you-”

“Ah ah ah, I am sensing some inappropriate words. Best not continue that sentence in front of the kiddos.”

“Let’s just go.” They grumbled out as they began to walk away but were stopped by some forceful tugs on the trench coat. Glancing down they see Ace and Iris wearing apologetic expressions. “We’re sorry, Hange.”

“You are lucky you guys are cute.” They cooed, hugging them tightly. It was visible to anyone that they were losing oxygen during the whole interaction.

Your family dynamic was unique and to many unconventional with no longer having the leading male role that was to be seen in most depictions of familial dynamics. In your family, there was no need for that role to be filled by anyone. Scratch that, no one was worthy of filling the role anymore. It belonged to one person and solely one person. 

Even now as you walked through your neighborhood with the many unwanted stares being set on you and you alone. A few had the looks to make a woman swoon with just a glance and others didn’t have the same impact but weren’t that unsettling on the eyes. 

None of them amounted to him. No man ever will in your eyes. That’s what you believed to be true and in your mind, it was speculated to be factual. 

Aside from your hyper-awareness of the looks, the walk home was tranquil. Listening to Iris and Ace make the occasional comment about their surroundings while you and Hange would chime in and let them know what things were. Even with the lively sounds of cars passing and pedestrians talking, Amos didn’t seem too bothered by it as slumber overtook him. 

You and Hange had tried prying into their school day but to no avail. They claimed that the information was top secret and that people could be listening in. All you could do was play along with their silliness and await for the classified information to be revealed at home. Which they abided by, shoving you and Hange inside your home as soon as you had unlocked the door – gently taking the stroller away from you and slowly pulling inside to not wake their baby brother.

“What are you-” You had started but were soon shushed, being pushed further inside, specifically into your living room.  You both were ushered to the brown sectional couch that you had brought with you from the old house. It was one of the nicer items in your abode and your children knew this as they instructed you both to brush off any outside residue before taking your seat.

“What's the meaning of all this?” You ask with concern etched in your voice. The last thing you needed to hear was that your children were being mistreated by other kids at school. 

The twins gave each other knowing grins before reaching into their backpacks to pull out what seemed to be flyers. They gave you each one and as soon as you saw the title of it your heartbeat stagnated.

Dr.Yeager Presentation

On Wednesday, January 22nd

In the Shiganshina Elementary Gymnasium

@12:30pm

Ignorance was truly bliss as your children did not catch on to your desolate demeanor, taking your silence as you pondered on a decision. The surname that used to haunt you was now printed in bolded letters on a flyer. The flyer didn’t have any indications that it would be him either aside from sharing the same last name. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume that it was the same person. In the years, you didn’t care enough to know about what career path he had chosen to pursue. Hell, you had no idea whether he was still in Shiganshina or not. 

A clap resonated within the living room walls, taking your attention off of the flyer and onto your enthusiastic son. 

“We want to go! We heard Dr. Yeager is a really good doctor and has done a lot of cool things! I want to be just like him!” Ace passionately proclaimed with his chest puffed out and an award-winning smile.

“I wanna ask him about dissecting!”, Iris added in a dreamlike state of mind, which left you a little worried and Hange oozing with pride. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that not all doctors “dissect” and let her live on her fantasy. 

“I say we let them! Enabling curiosity and building interests is good for them at this age.” They remind you, as a matter of fact. 

Staring a good while at the flyer, you nod your head following their claims. “I don’t see a problem with you guys going. It’s going to be after school so I’ll try to get off of work early and like Hange said this would be good for you guys.”

For the sake of your children’s happiness, biting the bullet was all you could do. Nevertheless, if it turned out to be him that could serve as a sign that he has changed.

Their steely eyes shined with excitement, their mouths beginning to open to vocalize their feelings but were silenced by you placing a finger on your lips, pointing to the dormant baby in the stroller. They nodded their heads and mumbled an apology.

You let out a chuckle at their actions and were going to speak but felt a pair of eyes on you. You see Hange tilt their head before giving a knowing gaze. 

Without the unvocalized reminder, you would’ve completely forgotten the commitment Hange had roped you into. You had almost allowed for a frown to graze its way on your face at the revelation but bit your inner cheek instead.

“We have some exciting news too.” Hange began and just when you thought they were going to take the reins on telling the kids the news, you felt an elbow nudge your side and a cough signaling you that would not be the case. You would’ve glared if the kids weren’t there.

“We’re going to the park and then afterward we’re going to go meet up with some of my old friends from high school for dinner.” You explained feeling rather awkward announcing the plans for the evening. Not wanting to worry them about your true sentiments about the situation, you concocted a faux smile to replace your rather dim expression. 

The excitement that they had previously felt had not diminished in the slightest, it had actually been amplified. They were jumping up and down in a circle as they held hands. You had checked off every excitable thing there was to them; Getting permission to go to the presentation and getting to spend time with you.

They threw themselves onto you as they welcomed you with a tight hug, peppering your face with long-lasting kisses. You made no effort to stop them as you enveloped your arms around their waists and pulled them closer to you.

Hange watched the interaction with sympathetic eyes, knowing and experiencing all that the family had gone through in the last couple of months. This allowed them to rest easy knowing that once they returned to Marley in a few days you guys would be fine and even if you weren’t, they were just a phone call away.

Taking one look at the watch on their wrist, they knew that they would have to cut this moment short for the sake of time – not because they felt left out at all, that would be petty. Clearing their throat, they let their voice be the bearer of unfortunate news. “Alright, Alright that’s enough kissing for today. We aren’t going until later so if you don’t want your mom to change her mind you guys have to finish your homework first.”

Just as quickly as they were to embrace you, they were equally as efficient to get off of you. Picking up their respective backpacks and rushing toward their bedrooms. Hearing the clicks of their doors shut, you slumped into the sofa with an exhale leaving your nose. 

“I think I’m going to take a nap. Wake me before it’s time to go.”

“You got it, boss.” You imagined they had saluted but you wouldn’t truly know as your eyes were shut closed and your mind had already begun to drift further from reality and into the abyss.

In recent months, your need to sleep has depleted. You never had sleep-related issues before and the running joke in your friend group was to compare you to a sloth with how frequently you’d craved to be asleep. When you dream you get transported to unrealistic situations where they can either be so realistic you believe them to be foretold prophecies or so far-fetched that you would make it the topic of conversation with your friends. With the passing of Levi, you didn’t get either. You wouldn’t dream at all. Rather you would be transported to a black void that made your mind wander for all the wrong reasons. Not to say the sleep you were receiving now was an improvement of that but you certainly stayed asleep far longer than you usually had.

What felt to be millennia was just short of four hours of uninterrupted sleep. It could have been longer if not for Hange sticking true to their word and shrugging you awake. 

“The kids are ready. We’re just waiting on you now.” They informed you as you nodded in response with addition of a yawn. 

You outstretched your limbs, hearing every bone crack in a satisfying way from the less-than-comfortable position you had slept in. “Let me freshen up and we can start heading out.” You groggled out as you rubbed your eyes, pushing yourself off of the couch to go towards the bathroom.

“Make sure to change your shirt! You got saliva stains all over it!” They called out from their position in the living room. Glancing down at your white shirt, you grimaced at the sight and rerouted yourself to your bedroom. You could hear their laugh slowly die out the closer to your bedroom you got. 

Entering the bleak room, you make your way to your closet. For being a walk-in, the lack of clothes made it look bigger than it was. A large portion of your clothes you had donated to a women's homeless shelter as a lot of your clothes no longer fit or you simply had no use for them. 

Rummaging through the minimal selection of clothes in your closet for an appropriate outfit had proven to be difficult as you began to overthink. Was this a casual event? Did you have to dress up? Did you want them to know that you tried to dress up? As you let your worries take up your mind, you failed to hear small footsteps enter your bedroom.

It wasn’t until they let themselves be known via vocalization that you had awakened from your trance. Turning behind you to meet the owner of the voice, you almost let a wail slip out of you.

In front of you was Iris. Her long raven hair was pulled into two separate low ponytails that had been tied with baby blue satin ribbons which granted her face to be showcased. 

If it was her beauty that moved you close to tears then you would be crying every single day at having such a blessing. However, the object of your near-close wails was not that. It was the dress she wore.

It was a prairie girl-esque style dress that was also blue but in a slightly lighter shade than the ribbons adorning her hair. A jewel-shaped lace neckline that had hearts spaced out every so inch thanks to the lace. Chiffon ruffles were seen going down the upper half of her body ending right at the end of the waistline that flowed out to be more chiffon. The ruffles were also orchestrated at the end of the sleeves, not overbearingly but in a simplistic way. The main focus points of the dress to a designer were its use of chiffon, the ruffles, and the color. To you, it was more than that.

“Do you need help, Mama?” She asked, not quite noticing your gaze on her dress as her eyes were looking straight past you and into your closet. “Han-Han told me to come help you.”

Not receiving a response she sees you eyeing her attire. “This is Papa’s favorite dress on me. He says I look like a pretty flower.” She explained bashful of her confession. Shifting with the balls of her feet, she muttered, “I want Mama’s friends to think I look like a pretty flower, too.”

You smiled at her explanation, brushing a few out-of-place hairs off her face before planting a delicate kiss on her forehead. “You do. You look like an Iris.” 

Your daughter’s cheeks faintly colored with a muted pink at the compliment. The urge to shower her with more affection was strong. Trying to relieve her embarrassment, she intertwines her hand in yours, pivoting you both in the direction of your closet. She grinned at your frowning expression. 

“If I’m a pretty flower then you have to be the prettiest!” She declared as she began to wreak havoc in your closet, tossing clothes she deemed to be ill-fitting for today's occasion across the room. You made no effort to stop her and sat on your bed expectantly. The possibility of her coming out with an atrocious outfit was slim. For being only six, she had a great eye for fashion. However, you were aware there weren’t many clothes she had to work with making the otherwise slim chance increase.

“Done!” 

Suddenly, articles of clothing are thrown directly at your face knocking you onto your bed. Peeling the article of clothing that had been obscuring your vision off of your face, you are pleasantly surprised by the selection. You had never been keen on wearing dresses feeling like they were a bit inconvenient with a lot of them not having pockets and the incessant fear that you’ll end up flashing someone. Albeit, this selection didn’t bother you at all.

It was a black short-sleeved bodycon that you hadn’t worn in years.  It has a mock neckline and was made of a ribbed knit material that ended mid-thigh. You never really had plans on ever using it, almost entirely forgetting it was even something you owned. In accompaniment with it was a neutral-colored plaid trench overcoat, it was endearing how considerate she was of your comfort. 

It wasn’t as intricate or showy as Iris’s outfit — in all honesty you didn’t believe anything ever could. The simplicity of the outfit and the mutable colors weren’t going to make you the talk of the discussion. As long as the muse – you – wore it that was all that mattered. It seems like what Iris meant wasn’t so much that you would be the prettiest – which you would regardless– but something that made you feel the way she saw you.

Looking in the mirror with the outfit on, you certainly did feel like a pretty flower. She permitted you the liberty of choosing accessories and footwear. A dainty gold necklace with your initials dangling as charms that were gifted to you on your first wedding anniversary by Levi and other miscellaneous jewelry that would compliment it. For footwear, you would’ve preferred to wear a casual white tennis shoe but were urged to go for a nude suede ribbon-laced heel by your persistent daughter. 

You were slightly nervous that you may look overdressed for the occasion which in turn made you not put much effort in was your hair or your face, deciding to go natural all around with the only product to grace your face being lip balm. 

“Good job, sweetie.” You praised. Letting her relish in her work and clapping in approval.

“You’re ready!” Not wanting to waste any more time, she pulls you out of your bedroom and into the living room where everyone else had been waiting for you. 

Hearing the sound of footsteps you hear Hange let out an exasperated sigh as they began their series of complaints. “Finally! How long does it-“

Seeing you now, they answered their question. Grinning from ear to ear, placing their hands on their hips as they whistled, “Look at you! Give us a twirl!”

You wanted to refuse but it looked like this was a group collective as Iris and Ace joined in.

“Twirl! Twirl! Twirl!” 

Rolling your eyes, you do as told. Crossing your feet one foot over the other to offer them all a lackluster twirl, not that they minded because they all still managed to dote on you. – “You look beautiful, mama!” “I think she looks the beautifulest!” “That’s not a word!”  "Is too!" “Who knew you had a body!”

Letting them all continue their compliments, you look over at Ace and Amos to see what they were wearing. It was a given that no one would be able to top Iris’s look today. It was to be expected in the family. However, that didn’t mean that they looked any less adorable. 

Ace was never one to care for how he looks. He’d grown accustomed to mimicking the outfits his father used to wear when they’d go out and had forgotten how to construct an outfit for himself. You assumed that Hange aided in picking an outfit since the clothes he wore were not even close to his normal graphic t-shirt and jeans he’d wear. A cream-colored jacket that had fur lining over the top of a plain white t-shirt and light-washed denim jeans. He seemed to get the memo since his usual hairstyle remained the same — a simple middle part.

On the other hand, Amos was wearing a white long sleeve that had a side pocket and three brown buttons coming down from the neckline. The same shade that was on the buttons translated into his cargo pants. To keep his head warm, he had an army green beanie that had an accent brown with the brand's name/logo. 

“You guys look so handsome!” You enthusiastically say, ruffling their hair resulting in them both, by choice nuzzling themselves into your hands. Looking up at Hange, who was holding Amos, you nod your head in acknowledgment. 

They were wearing the same clothes they had worn to pick up the kids. A white button-down that was peaking through their black vest, a navy green leather trench coat, and high-waisted white jeans that weren’t completely visible with their knee-high black boots. Their brunette hair was pulled back in the usual half-do bun with their bangs splitting to their respective sides as they slightly covered their eye-patched eye and their correctional lenses.

“And you look alright.” You passively remark. You walk past them and through the front door as they all follow close behind.

“Admitting that I look good isn’t that hard, ya know! Give me something to boast my ego a little!”

Luckily for all of you, using a car for transportation was needed. Both the park and Perko’s were too far to be considered a walking distance. Even with such knowledge, Hange was insistent that you all walk. You were all for the environment but if saving the environment meant walking across the town, the environment be damned. —- “If that’s what you want, be my guest. See you in 4-5 business days.”

In record time, they had buckled in the kids and had their foot on the gas. Given that the car was an older model and children were present, you would have to reprimand them at times for their reckless driving. You couldn’t stay all that mad since you had managed to reach your destination in one piece. 

From inside the car, you could see not many people or not any people at all were at the park. It was a school night and if people would’ve come to this park it would’ve been earlier since it was an early release day for all the elementary in the district. The kids didn’t have an issue with that. Claiming that there were more things to do and no playground showdowns. 

You had been prepared to play with the kids. You had not been prepared to play with the kids with heels on. Even with the feeling of blisters forming on your feet, you didn’t let it affect the quality time you wanted to have with your kids. Well, for a little bit, it didn’t.

“You guys are so fast.” You panted, gripping your knees to catch your breath while staring at the bark at your feet. It happened to go on deaf ears because when you went to look at them they were already playing on the monkey bars. 

Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you see a smug Hange holding out water with Amos clutching onto their hand attempting to stand by himself.

”I know those heels are killing you. Go sit on the bench. I’ll keep them company.” They suggested as they pointed to an unoccupied bench nearby. Grabbing the water you chug it down and breathe out a sigh of contentment while tossing the bottle into a nearby bin.

“I’m fine. I can manage.” You tried to reassure them but just so happened to prove their point by walking away with a stutter in your step. 

“I’m fine, my ass.” You heard them mutter out. Reaching your defeated figure, they spun you away from them and towards the bench. You shrug your coat off and allow it to shelter your legs from the breeze as you sit. Pulling out your phone from your coat pocket to check the time you notice that it was nearing six. 

Being left alone to your own devices, the overwhelming feeling of nausea overtook your senses. You were going to see your past in less than an hour. Never in a million years would you think of returning to Shiganshina. Much less reunite with any of your old friends.

To those that care, nothing dramatic caused this situation to be of this caliber. There was no “Big Fight”, no sides were being chosen after your break up with Eren, and there was ultimately nothing. On their ends, at the very most.

The one culpable was you. 

Eighteen-year-old, searching for independence and a new life, you. The consequences of your actions. You had brought this upon yourself. Cutting them all off in preparation for your new life and not having attachments to the past. The subpar decent thing you had done was invite them to your wedding.

Were they going to treat you the same? Were they going to treat this as an intervention? Do all of them know you’re coming?

More importantly, what would be your response to any of it?

Looking up ahead, you permit your thoughts to die out. Lifting your phone in landscape mode, you start recording the scene in front of you. The screen displayed a stressed-out Hange alternating between pushing each kid on the swings. Wanting each individual to shine, you would zoom in periodically on a specific person. You could only hope that the audio could catch their dialogue. —  “ Higher!” “I’m trying here!” “Try harder!” “Any higher and you’re reaching heaven, kid!”

A ghost of a smile weaseled its way onto your face. You liked capturing every moment you could of your life. That's how you knew a photography career would suit you well. Something about being the one responsible for capturing memories, being put in a spot where you need to capture the perfect moment, excites you. Sticking to being a wallflower instead of the centerpiece was comforting. You didn’t need to meet expectations and could do your sort of thing.

From afar you hear a voice, one that speaks your name with wonder. Too faint to be caught on camera but loud enough to be caught by your ear. The usage of your name aside, it was the voice that rendered you in a short-lived shock.

Raising your head in the enigmas direction, you’re met with nothing but a couple of fallen leaves swirling away with the wind. 

“Whatcha looking for?” Hange asked, scanning the baron park along with you. Judging by their worn-out faces and rumbling stomachs, you knew they were ready to leave. 

Not wanting to worry them, you shake your head, “Nothing, I just thought I heard something.”

“Insomnia must be hitting ya. It was most likely just the wind. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” 

“I guess you’re right.” You reason, lifting yourself off the bench with your coat draping over your forearm.  A tug on your dress causes your eyes to travel down to see Ace. He must’ve caught on to your worrisome countenance.

“I’m here, mama. You don’t need to worry. I’ll protect all of us.” He spoke with resolve. Thinking that was the end of his declaration, you were ready to thank him for his thoughtfulness. He caught you off guard when he spoke yet again. 

“Just like Papa always does!”

That would make it the second time today you were on the brink of releasing a monsoon at your child's words. As if they had agreed upon reducing your mind to mush and letting the only solid aspect remain to be nostalgia and longing.

They say kids mimic their parents and adapt to their mannerisms. That belief would seem to apply to your children making everything about Levi. To an extent, that was true. Beyond that, They were kids in denial. Kids who loved their dad and made sure everyone knew. Kids who held onto their father's existence with desperation like their mom. 

“Just like your papa does.” You affectionately recite back in a soft voice, you lean down and let him kiss your cheek. Searching farther ahead, you can see that everyone else was nearing the car. “Come on, if we aren’t fast enough they’ll leave us behind. Means there will be no delicious food for us.”

A downfall of being a wallflower was while being in your world, you sometimes fail your duty as a wallflower. You had caught the eye of a man entering the park. He intended to defuse any tension or stress he had accumulated throughout the workday. A cigarette between his lips, a doctor's coat that you would think would hide his body only enhanced it, and tousled brunette hair. He looked like he needed this escape. 

Little did you know you had just tarnished any hope of him doing so with your presence alone.

At first, he believed the nicotine was fogging up his head and the added stress further worsened his cognitive thinking skills. He thought you were a phantom. In a way, that remained to be his general thoughts on the situation since the you that was a few feet away from him differed from the you from a decade ago. You were no longer a flower bud that had a crowd of spectators anticipating which kind of flower you’d bloom into. Matter of fact, it was hard to even place the title of Wallflower on you because you were far from it. 

A nurtured wallflower turned the centerpiece of a pleasing bouquet.

He had observed how your fingers would pinch into your phone screen, your hands tilting occasionally to capture different angles, and making the conscious decision to not acknowledge the eye-piercing piece of jewelry on your ringer finger.  He ignored it with such confidence that his legs began to walk towards you out of their own accord. Painting this to be a predestined reunion of sorts. The nicotine was surely causing his senses to malfunction. That’s what he deduced it to be.

Along with his other delusional assumptions, he had avoided labeling the children on the playground to be of personal importance. He had written them off as kids you were babysitting and the adult holding the baby to be a friend you had roped into helping – the only assumption he unknowingly had gotten right. Even when he saw the way the kids jumped into your arms. Even when he could see the resemblances between the kids and you. Even when he could audibly hear them call you their mom. He still stuck to his assumptions but with a faltered credence.

Whenever he had whispered your name – primarily for his clarification — it was never his intention for you to hear it. He didn’t realize he was just a foot away from you and that anything he said now was within earshot of you. 

He observed as your content guise was stripped from your face. How the guise had morphed into distress. His jaded eyes trailed over your face, checking out every single maturity it had developed over the years. They stopped on your lips when he saw them move and made note of them before he hid.

The “predestined” reunion he believed he was ready for was stopped out of his own accord. He had good intuition for halting it when he did because it certainly was not the time. He was just impatient. 

Overhearing you deem his mistake for the wind, he sighed out of relief. He and everyone else took your words to be truthful. Deciding to call it a day after making sure you were far enough away to not see him, he left. 

Entirely unaware that even if he had spoken it in the softest of tones, you knew his voice. The voice had a familiar feeling to it but with the monotone undertones and a gruff emphasis being foreign to you, the possibility of you being wrong was there. 

Nevertheless, you become restless when you don’t receive definitive answers. That’s how you witnessed his figure depart from behind the tree. How even staring solely at his fleeting back, you noticed his change in appearance. His brown hair had grown significantly in comparison to what he was working with in high school, now styled in a bun similar to Hange’s. His previous short and lanky physique was taken over by a six-foot stature and a pure muscle frame.

Eren Yeager had been here. 

Whether you were okay with that or not, you didn’t know. 

Whether that would be the last you’d see of him, you were reluctant to admit but were aware that this interaction would delve further than unbeknownst stares. 

Magnum Opus | back to paradis

characters: ex! Eren x reader, husband! Levi x reader

summary:  returning back to your hometown, Paradis, with your children after the loss of your husband you are met with your first love and first heartbreak, Eren Yeager.

tags: character death, character death is Levi, grief/mourning, parenthood, aged up (26-30 yr olds), slow burn, childhood friends to lovers to exes to ?, first love, emotional infidelity, friendship breakups, angst, fluff, eventual smut, mention of abortion (not reader), problematic family

next part

someone’s 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐮𝐦 𝐎𝐩𝐮𝐬 is their most important piece of art or literature. Consider this mine. Consider this ours.

signed, anon

Unwarranted thoughts eroded your mental plane as you watched your youngest child, Amos, grow entranced by the robotic blue cat on a used television you had come across at a garage sale a few days prior. The high chair he was sitting on was a hand-me-down from your oldest child, who was currently at school. To be a kid, unaware of life’s tribulations was a dream that was once lived to the fullest extent. 

You sighed at your mind whilst you drank your companion, decaf coffee. It had only adapted to be such in recent months, feeling the constant need to be awake for longer periods. It was alarming to know how many cups you could go through to sustain yourself. Coffee filters compiling on your kitchen counter, but with no real motivation to throw them away, they just stayed.

Having returned to the city of your adolescence now as a full-fledged adult felt oddly unsettling. Moving back to the state of Paradis was the last place you had ever thought of setting foot in again after purposely leaving it all those years ago. Though the reasoning behind that decision is convoluted into a plethora, the paramount was freedom. Having resided there for so long, you had seen it all, had experienced all there was to experience. It was tiring to repeat the same routine. That and other reasons will unravel as time passes. 

A new beginning was what your family needed and you were going to provide that no matter how much discomfort would follow. 

With your homecoming, word spread quickly throughout the 2014 Paradis High alumni forums. Many who graduated in that year had left for college and stayed in their college towns while others pursued their education elsewhere and returned. Your friend group at the time reigned from the latter. 

Sasha: 

Have you thought about it?

[sent 7:15 am]

You are grateful that you had turned off your read receipts for your messages because as soon as you read the message you made no effort in responding. They had been contacting you for a few days now via text messages and for a while, you responded. To keep the peace between you all but whenever the idea of hanging out was introduced into the conversation you’d weasel your way out. 

It was not because of a personal grudge you held against any of your old friends, on the contrary, you missed them dearly. However, times have changed and you all are not the same people you used to be. New beginnings are allowed to occur even if you return to the same place. That’s what you convinced yourself to believe. 

Refocusing your attention on the kid show — which had become a guilty pleasure to watch — you that had failed to acknowledge your front door open. 

“I have returned!” A voice rang throughout the hallway leading into the living room. Even if they hadn’t spoken, knowing them for as long as you have, simply the way they had opened the door or the sound of their footsteps would’ve been a key identifier. 

“With decaf coffee as promised! I know, I know! Some may say the best godparent ever!” The entity announced, stepping foot into the living room, completely disregarding that no one was regarding their presence.

After a few moments of silence, with only the tv providing additional noise, they attempted to garner their attention.

“Hello?” They elongated their greeting, waving their free hand frantically to attract some attention but to no avail. They were being bested by a blue robotic cat. Not a first-time occurrence for them but the streak was seriously tarnishing their self-esteem.

Of course, you knew that they were there but watching them glare at the tv screen with such hatred was amusing. These days are hard to find in your life. Walking up to them, you down the coffee you had made for yourself before taking the cup of coffee they had bought for you from their hand and patting them on the shoulder showing your gratitude. Pulling out a seat for yourself at the kitchen table as well as one for them, cueing them to mimic your movements.

Hange Zoe, is a well-known figure in the archeology world, not only for their historical discoveries but for their eccentric personality that you truly will not find anywhere else. An abnormal entity is how you’d describe them, for lack of a better word. Meeting in college through mutual friends and leaving a longstanding impression on one another, it was difficult not to grow together as family friends and the Godparent to all three of your children. They provided your small family with all they needed and have been a huge help in the last couple of months. However, their persistence though it’s commendable can be exasperating at times.

They wanted to reprimand you for not only ignoring them but your coffee intake which was the only fuel you ran on. You looked to be a decaying carcass that was fighting for life. Under eye bags growing darker, your face growing slimmer, and the clothes you wore growing duller. Times, when life seemed to be present within you, were when you were surrounded by your children; with your family. 

“So how was the drive?” You asked as you took a sip from the new coffee cup you had attained. “Anything interesting happen?”

“It was nice. They seem excited about the new school. Ace kept rambling about how he was going to be popular because he does Karate and that automatically makes him popular.” They recount as they lean back into the chair, mimicking a karate chop. “And you know Iris, she can’t let him get an ego before tearing that boy into shreds.” 

Yes, you were a mother of three. A set of six-year-old fraternal twins, Ace — one, unity and Iris — rainbow. With now the addition of your one-year-old son, Amos— to carry. Their names are all derived from foreign words as your late husband was very well-versed and interested in linguistics. To many, three kids seem like a nightmare — at first, it did to you too, but when you got to hold them close to your chest and meet them those worries faded. 

You had children reasonably young with only being 20 when you had the twins. Having your first child at 26 was a socially acceptable age to become a parent– in terms of what others have told you. Using one’s imagination, you could simply picture the terror in your parent's eyes when their then 20-year-old daughter let them know she was pregnant with a set of twins. The scene they played out in your college apartment that night was on par with Shakespeare's plays on dramatics. Even more when they realized that Levi was the one who had knocked you up – ”You let a fuck up like him get you pregnant!” or “You’re aborting them!” or “Those things will not be considered our grandchildren!”

They had apologized relentlessly for how they acted in the past but a part of you was aware that it felt disingenuous. An added reason to the reluctance to move.

Moving back to your hometown, Hange knew your mental state would falter harder than it ever was before. Hearing your children adjusting well to the move warmed your heart and alleviated your worrisome thoughts.

“I’m glad to hear they are adjusting well to the move.” Glancing at the cup you were holding, the ring on your finger was possibly the only luminous thing you did these days. “I wish he was here to see it.”

“Do you think he…” You randomly blurted out but decided to hold back the rest of the words, not wanting to believe what you were saying. The chords that unambiguously wanted to recite the score you had given to them were left with a hand that grazed them but weren’t prepared to perform. A case of stage fright. 

Their eyes narrowed at the piece of jewelry, reminiscing about the person who had given it to them. Enveloping their hands on top of yours, they rubbed your accessorized finger. 

“He would be proud of you guys.”

You remained silent for a moment. Their words were nice for reassurance but you already knew that. You simply wanted to bring him up to remember his existence — the impact he held over your life. Though he was certainly never the type to wear his heart on display, he did for you. That was your late husband, a warmed-hearted individual who was misunderstood by the majority. That was your husband Levi Ackerman. 

Your boyfriend of 8 years, your husband for 4, and the father of your 3 children passed away 5 months ago due to heart disease. His death was unexpected with one day receiving a heart-wrenching phone call informing you of his passing. No time for preparation, no warning signs, no hints - nothing. He left without a word. He said nothing. That’s what hurt most. 

The habit of making him the topic of discussion was rather unknown to you. It was natural for you to do it. Not in the same way that teenage girls would when allowed to talk about the boy they liked. Yours held an innocence that was endearing to witness for those around you. Even so, it had been exactly five months since your husband had left you and no form of help seemed to ease the sorrow. Ignoring that he no longer was there for you spiritually alleviated the sorrow, slightly.

“I wasn’t questioning that because I know him. He was always our biggest supporter. I just wanted to know…” You paused, trying to form words from all the jumbled letters compiling in your head. You were always good at articulating your thoughts. You were a gem when it came to those matters of the mind. With the newborn insomnia you had acquired, you were left a bit unrefined in your usual area of expertise. That and you weren’t prepared to ask the question.

Shaking your head, you remove your hands from theirs. “Nevermind. It seems like I can’t remember what I wanted to say. Let’s talk about something else.”

The eye-patched individual dared open their mouth to maintain the topic but your attention had already gone elsewhere. 

“Oh, I just remembered! The kids should be getting out early today. I can show them around town!” You eagerly exclaimed to your eye-patched friend, who wanted to confront you on the somewhat lie you had pulled. “I think they’ll like that.”

Taking the kids out was genuine, you had been talking to them about a good day to do it for a while. They could pry you all they wanted but you were too stubborn to open up so they chose to ignore it, for now. It was proven useless to unpackage your emotions in their years of being acquainted with you. You procrastinated til the last minute, waiting for all the convoluted issues you have stored away to ambush you at your worst because you believed that’s what you deserved. How far you strayed from the truth.

That’s why the tag along in your subject changes. “That’s a great idea! You can show them all the places you used to go to when you were their age!” 

Like stated before you had recently returned to your hometown, never in the ten years that you were away had you come down to visit. Your parents would usually make the drive to Liberio to visit. They never seemed to complain about it either, probably because it was an excuse to travel out of state. Never did they feel bothered by your lack of visitation over the years, they knew your reasonings and respected them. However, they would make comments about your kids possibly becoming snobs with the high exposure to city living. They weren’t used to the small city. This is exactly what Shiganshina used to be, only within the last year had it begun to make a name for itself with the grand opening of a hospital founded by a local family that you couldn’t remember the name of. 

As a kid, you would be found playing with your friends – such as the previously mentioned Sasha – at the park and creating fantasies on whims. Whether it was action, romance, or horror, it would be fun regardless. Every single fond memory of your childhood had been at that park. Though you wouldn’t admit it, you were happy that you would be able to share that with your children. The city park was the local hotspot for kids. You hoped that the same could be said 20 years later which you made sure to mention to your friend.

“Give yourself credit! You were plenty of fun in college so what’s to say you weren’t an equally as fun kid?” They point out as they scroll through their phone trying to find fun activities to do throughout the day. “Heard through the grapevine that you were really into keg stands.”

“That grapevine of yours might be a little tangled. I can’t recall ever doing such a thing.” You feign innocence, resting your head on your fist.

“The grapevine is very reliable when he is blackout drunk.”

“So it’s Erwin?” They choked on their drink at the name drop, patting their chest to regain composure. 

You smile, recalling the times your friends would force you out of your comfort zone. In college, you were known as the wild card. Many were unaware of the type of person you were since you were so introverted in your classes and so extroverted in social environments. People deduced it was due to caring for your grades but to others, it was very well a mystery.

“Ma! Ma!” You heard your child whine. Turning around you noticed the show had ended, which meant his attention was now fully set on you. 

“Coming!” 

You walk towards your child whose hands are already trying to grasp your shirt. Lifting him in your arms, you pat his back. “Looks like no more Doraemon for today. You’ll just have to wait until he comes to visit tomorrow.“

The child whined at your words, pouting his tiny mouth trying to go for an expression of anger but with pursing his lips the way he was a little saliva bubble made an appearance. He didn’t notice it though as he was trying to maintain his expression with maximum efficiency. His gray eyes weren’t trained on your face but on your arms which was good or else he would’ve taken offense to the benign smile traced on your lips. Even when his eyes found yours and began to pat your face harshly to wipe that expression off your face— felt like a marshmallow was being repeatedly thrown at you. All you could do was let out a heartful laugh before reaching for the small hands that were “harming” your face with one of your own, lowering them to his body. 

Another cute expression dawned on his face, a look of confusion — looked more like he was about to poop himself. The child was not prepared for your form of retaliation. As yours was by far way worse than his. Attacking the child’s face with kisses as he giggled, seemingly forgetting that he was supposed to be mad. 

Dealing one last peck on his forehead, you muzzle him closer to your body as you begin to dote on the child. “How can such an angry face still look so darn cute.” You cooed into him.

How could you ever not adore Levi when he gifted you the greatest gifts in the world; his love and your children? The greatest gifts you could ever wish to receive. If you could be greedy, you would’ve wanted him to be here. Wrapping his calloused hands around your waist, placing his warm lips onto your head, he would rock the both of you back and forth to not only calm yourselves but your child. Your other children would get jealous at this point and each individually wraps their tiny arms around either one of your legs as they’d giggle at the momentum.

Unconsciously, you had fluttered your eyes closed to envision the scene that used to be acted out without the need for a cut or a take two. You never repeated it to get it right because it always was. You repeated it for the sake of sharing moments. The author simply enjoyed how serenity was a person – a family. That family was yours, once.

Feeling a substance drip from your eyes, you were crying. You couldn’t commit yourself to the full sob as you made sure to discard the sole tear before it could make a crash landing. 

Glancing down at the child in your arms, you take into account how his eyes were drifting off into their fantasyland as you momentarily had to. 

Turning towards Hange, you let out a sigh of relief to see them so immersed in their phone looking at fun attraction sites to pay attention to you. With a gentle raise of your arms to show them the resting child, you call out loud enough for them to hear but quiet enough for the child to remain asleep. “Our little buddy here is dozing off so I’m going to put him in his crib. While I do that, you can start picking up some of the laundry or toys that you can find on the floor.”

“Using me again? I’m going to have to start charging you for my services, ya know?” They jokingly jabbed, which roused a humorous sound out of you. As you were rounding the corner towards the hallway, a vibration caught Hange’s attention. It was a message coming from your phone. They could’ve just ignored it and done the task they were asked to do but their curiosity got the best of them.

Sasha:

We’re meeting up at Perko’s at 6:30

It would be cool if you made it.

Bring your kids too! We’d love to meet them!

[sent at 8:12 am]

 The name was immediately recognizable to Hange. Not only having met her at your wedding in passing, but Hange had also heard that name a multitude of times. With the number of times, you’d talk about your childhood friends, it was fairly easy to memorize all their names and their significance to you. If their memory served them correctly, Sasha was your best friend for a large portion of your adolescent years. You described your relationship with them once in such a wholesome form; platonic soulmates.

Checking the messages being sent, they noticed you had never responded. They furrowed their brunette brows at the revelation. Why were you ignoring them? It was understandable that with how hectic your life is at the moment to not want to attend but the blatant disregard to not giving them a courtesy response was off-putting. Preserving friendships was a high priority in your life but why were you against preserving your childhood friends?

Their fingers had a mind of their own, typing away into that device of yours. 

 _____

Of course! See you there!

Miss you guys too.

[sent at 8:14 am]

 Hearing a door open was their cue to press send and place the item back where it belonged. Picking up a laundry basket that was nearby they scurried to place any miscellaneous out-of-place items into their basket. To somewhat combat the gnawing guilt they felt for putting you in a situation you were avoiding, they decided to subtly integrate it into the conversation.

“Have any of your high school friends reached out to you? From what your parents said you have been the talk of the city.” They mindlessly spoke trying to paint the narrative of this impromptu conversation.

“In my defense, the city isn’t that big.” You jest, tracing the diameters of the city using your hands. “I would be offended if I wasn’t.”

A jokester you were deflecting the question in a less than obvious way. Not hearing any laughter, you deducted that this conversation wouldn’t be casual. 

“A few have but that’s about it.” You reveal with the accompaniment of a sigh. “I don’t see a point in hanging out when we all have our own separate lives.”

“But what if they want to catch up? You know for the sake of it?” They countered, attempting to match your speed.

“I’m sure they are too busy in their own lives to have time to meet up. We aren’t teenagers anymore.” You remind them as you begin to walk ahead of them.

“Hypothetically…say they did have time to meet up?… Would you go then?” They inquire, silently praying that whatever you answered could be positive. Unfortunately for them, the drop of your shoulders and the lack of movement coming from you were enough to depict a picture of your response. At least, that’s what they surmised.

A familiar ringtone faintly sounded throughout the house which earned a raised eyebrow from you and a panicked expression from Hange. Reaching the destination of your phone and seeing yet another notification from Sasha.

Sasha:

Can’t wait!

[sent at 8:22 am]

Your eyes widened in disbelief at the text and the ones above it, trying to process the situation your dear friend had forced you into. A flash of memories swarm their way to the forefront of your mind; all the good and the bad and all the reasons why you were against meeting any of them again.  Clicking your phone off, you leave it placed in your palm, bouncing it a bit as you pivot your feet in their direction with your gaze still on the device in your hand.

“I’m going to ask you a question Hange and I want you to be honest. You wouldn’t have been going through my texts, right?” Your tone was condescending as you spoke. They knew you knew and were now unaware of their choice in how to handle the situation. Perhaps if they pretended to be clueless, you'd be less harsh.

“Well not necessarily…” They attempted to defend themselves but backtracked on their plan once they witnessed the expression that was bestowed upon them; furrowed brows, a crease developing on the bridge of their nose, attenuated eyes, folded arms over their chest, and your figure leaning on the archway dividing your living room and kitchen. 

They knew then that any form of lying would be proven useless. “It was by accident! Your phone was on the counter and I saw a message from Sasha. I got curious and one thing led to another…”

“Hange.” You push expectantly. They feel themselves shrink at your tone, averting eye contact from your menacing gaze in preparation to confess.

“Let’s just say, you have a reunion to go to tonight at 6:30…” They responded sheepishly while doing jazz hands motions. “Surprise…?”

Smacking them over their arm with a nearby throw pillow as you fume exciting the living room, “Over my dead body! What the hell were you thinking, Hange!”

They yank your “weapon” from your hands – swiftly placing it back among the other pillows on your couch – trying to catch up to your retreating form.  “I thought it was something you’d want!” 

“If I didn’t respond it wasn’t! I spent the better half of a decade ignoring them and now you want to just pop up out of nowhere for a fucking reunion!” You tried your best to not raise your voice, for the sake of your child's sleep schedule, but with the situation, it was proving to be rather difficult. 

Visibly disappointed by your response they kept on being persistent with their questions, throwing out every hypothetical situation there was known to man. All of which you turned down.

“I’ll take Ace to Karate practice for the rest of the week!” 

“Yeah right, you’re so squeamish you wouldn’t be able to handle the puking.” You remind them, watching them deflate at the memory of Ace’s first match where they had to be escorted out of the dojo on a stretcher because they passed out mid-match after seeing a kid barf out his entire lunch in front of them. 

“I’d take care of the kids! I bet they have been waiting to hang out with their favorite godparent!” They boasted about themselves, ignoring the pitiful look sketched on your face. 

After a while of listening, your anger diminished to something similar to amusement. It wasn’t as if the meet-up was going to be a regular occurrence so there couldn’t be much harm in attending. Nevertheless, you were a petty woman, and pretending to remain impassive was entertaining. You listened to their tangents as to why you should go, picking up anything that needed to be picked up off the floor. You’d muse about them for a few moments as it was entertaining to see how dedicated to their cause they were.

“Word on the street says it’s Erwin.” You retaliate as you waved a Ninjago action figure in the air that was bought by said man a few birthdays ago.

Gasping at the comment, they snatch the figure from your hands and shove it into their basket. “He hardly ever visits! How can that even be true!”

“Exactly.”

“I have a right to them! I helped bless them into the world of spirituality! Those kids are going to heaven because of me!” Your eye-patched friend pleaded as they assisted you in carrying a basket of laundry, dodging incoming miscellaneous items that coveted your house. The clutter matches your mental state. The perimeter of the boxes was littered with toys that should’ve been in their respective locations. 

“With you being the Godparent? They received an early access ticket to hell with courtesy of satan written on the back.” You mocked the delusional brunette. Rounding the corner of your house, you sighed picking up the scattered clothing items your children had graciously left for you, dumping them into the laundry basket they were holding.  

“Rude!” They huffed. They followed in your steps, picking up clothes before you could, causing you to roll your eyes at their antics. “Come on! It will be good for you! Out of the house, stress-free, and kid-free! Experiencing your wondrous childhood town now as an adult! Sounds like a breath of fresh air. I am extremely reliable so you wouldn’t have to worry your pretty head about a thing!” 

They ascertained a little too confidently as they failed to take notice of an incoming box which in turn toppled them over, spilling out all the contents in the laundry basket and box onto the floor. 

Masking your laugh with your palm, you shake your head watching as they attempt to push themselves back to stability. Situations like these make it hard to stay annoyed with them for long. Deciding to continue on your facade, you ignore them jumping over their fallen body to reach the entrance of your study.

It was the only unruly part of your household. It was secluded away from all the other parts of the house and with the odd placement of the door, it could easily be confused as a closet. Opening it you were greeted with an oak sectional desk that was chipping away, an outdated computer from your college days, framed pictures of loved ones decorating a matching bookcase, and a tower of folded down boxes that have yet to be thrown out. It was a plain room that most likely will never be renovated. 

“Come on, you never get to do nice things for yourself! I bet you miss those old friends of yours.” They tried to reason as they finally entered the room with the basket in tow.

 “Is it because of him?” They spoke in a hushed voice as if the subject was so taboo it might cause an uproar.

The elusive “him” in question was your ex-boyfriend from high school. The golden boy of Shiganshina, Eren Yeager. The first guy you fell in love with. The first guy to break your heart. Having met him at age 4 at a park when you had pushed him off a slide for hogging it for too long. Some may say that it was a toxic way to begin a friendship but it worked for the dysfunctional duo. Of course, you fell for him first. Hard not to when you were stuck with him for 10 years. It seemed like it was just as easy to fall out of love when Levi came into your life. It was easier for him too as he fell out of love with you first. Confessing to you following your high school graduation that he had been in love with another girl the entire time. 

You scoffed at their question, “I could care less about if he is there or not. I moved on and he certainly did before me.”

“But what he did was pretty messed up. It took you months to even give Levi a chance.” They recalled, wincing at the memories of said point and time in which you joined them. “Poor man would come to Erwin and me for advice. That was peak desperation.”

“Don’t remind me. You’re lucky I liked him enough at the time to put up with the shitty advice y’all gave him.”

“I thought it was pretty good…”

“No wonder you guys were single for so long.” You mumbled, not entirely opposed to them hearing your comment which they certainly did.

“May have been single but never in an empty bed. That’s how I got Moblit.” They countered, which results in you giving them an eye roll. 

“How…romantic.” You riposte, now their turn to return the gesture. 

Taking a cautious gaze towards your figure, they ask again for reassurance.“So this isn’t about the guy?”

“Look at it like this, Hange. Even if he and I wouldn't have broken up after graduation, the outcome would’ve been the same. I would’ve still met Levi and fallen in love with him. He would’ve still pursued the other girl.” You explained with a shrug. “No use crying over a decade-old spilled milk.”

“I guess you’re right but that still doesn’t explain why you don’t want to see them at all. Don’t you miss them?”

“I appreciate it, truly I do, but it isn’t about missing them or not. I want to spend time with my kids. With all that has been going on and now that I’m going to start my new job, spending quality time with them as a family won’t happen as often.” You reveal with a crestfallen expression. “I’d like to cherish these moments while I can.” 

The last set of words fed into the guilt that Hange had already felt. In the months leading up to Levi’s passing, your job had been sending you off on business trips frequently resulting in less time being spent together. Arguments manifested due to this and when you had finally decided to put aside your pride, it had already been too late. You were begging forgiveness to his casket instead of to his face.

“Now I feel horrible!” The brunette bit their lip, allowing you to see the remorseful expression that had washed up on their face. They groaned at your words, enveloping their face with their hands, and they mumbled into their palms. “I hate how selfless you can be, being a mother is basically in the cards for you.”

“If that’s so, I don’t plan on shuffling the deck.” You quip, earning another groan at your lame attempt at a joke – obviously, you laughed at it.

Their eyes narrowed as they playfully criticized you. “Ha-ha, just because you’re a milf doesn’t excuse you from making lame mom jokes.”

“The local dilfs would like to disagree, they eat that shit up. Comes in handy when I want discounts at Home Depot.” You cheekily mention, taking pride in your seductions that had recently come in handy.

Their jaw dropped as if what you said was treachery. “You skank! I always wondered how you managed to bag that lawnmower for $180 instead of $250! You just said it was on sale!” 

“Just one of my many talents.” You joke with a wink. “Besides there was no way in hell I was going to pay full price for a fucking machine I was hardly ever gonna use.”

Becoming newly widowed, you had to fend for yourself. You were so accustomed to having two forms of income flowing in your home that you had forgotten the essential skill that was budgeting. Not to say you were a wealthy family but you had enough to live comfortably. Now being the sole financial provider in the family, tactics such as the example used above came in handy. 

“So are we going?” They ask wearily, not knowing whether or not you have warmed up to the idea or not.

Leaning your head into your chair, you stared at the ceiling idly, twirling a pen you had found on your desk before giving your final verdict on their question, “They have good food there and I used to go there all the time so I guess we’d be knocking out two birds with one stone. We could probably go to the park beforehand to tire them out and I could use that as an excuse to leave early.”

They practically leaped out of their chair at your words, wrapping their arms around your frame and you returned the gesture rather awkwardly at the way they reacted to your answer. They still felt guilty as hell but when you said those words. The guilt was momentarily lifted, allowing them a breath of success. The other details could unravel themselves at another time. For now, they’ll see where the day takes them.

Retracting themselves from the embrace, they begin to head out of the room “Great! I’ll start getting Amos ready!”

“But they don’t get out for another 4 hours. He’s asleep too-“ The sounds of your child’s wails cut you off. They smile victoriously at the sound watching you furrow your brows as you point a judgmental finger at them. “Fine but don’t put him in something stupid.”

Taking faux offense at your warning, they raise a hand to their chest. “I would never! I am a person of taste!”

“If the taste is dressing my child like the pope, may Christ banish thee to hell.” You retort back, pointing to a framed picture on your wall, revealing a rather disturbing picture. It was Hange dressed in nun garb while holding a then 10-month-old Amos dressed as said religious figure in front of your old house in Marley. Your other kids were included in the picture too, your oldest son was dressed as Ace from One Piece — “he has my name mama!” and your daughter was dressed as Wednesday Adams from the Adams Family— “She’s goth. she’s cool.”

“It was Halloween! We looked cute! He looked happy!” They defended, pride burst through them witnessing the framed picture for the first time in a while.

You were beginning to doubt that you were looking at the same picture because it did not take that long to realize that child was in hysterics. Eyeing your friend weirdly as you voiced your concern. “You made my kid cosplay as the pope. How does a bald man in a gown equal a cute and fun baby costume?”

“You framed it! Must mean you think the same way!”

“It means jack-shit. Why do you think it’s in my office and not the living room?”

“To keep it for your eyes only. Very selfish if you ask me. I asked for a copy and you cursed me out.” They huffed in disappointment. 

“More like I’m taking one for the team keeping it in my office.” You snarl while looking at the individual. They ignored your comment, too caught up in their world to realize you calling their name. It took an elevated voice, a wave in the face, and blocking the picture with your body to garner their attention.

“Hmm?”

“Get the fuck out of my office.”

“Can I at least take-“

“Out!”

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | Toji Fushiguro| friendships

characters: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: an unlikely pair form a friendship, sort of.

tags: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, Toji is enough of a warning, suggestive talks, strangers to friends, angst, fluff.

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To anyone wondering if that interaction stopped Toji from continuing the following game he had started with you, I hope that the image of Toji Zenin trailing behind you as you escape to your garden during the next social event six months later is sufficient as an answer. 

He watched your white hair try little to fight the wind as it swayed against your kimono with each step you took. He observed as you made no effort to stop his advances to get closer to you. As he had done in previous years, he began testing the waters to see how close he could get to you until you stopped him. Since that last interaction, Toji was now aware that you’ve known of his habit but even then you didn’t voice your concerns. 

In the mind of Toji Zenin, you didn’t view him as a threat. That notion irked him to no end. It was widely known that Toji was a disgrace to the Zenin name with no cursed energy to even redeem the surname. It wasn’t information that was strictly reserved to the clan as with any other clan, the fuck ups need to be acknowledged to spot who to mistreat at functions like these. 

“For a future clan leader, you are uncharacteristically okay with being defenseless.” Toji mocked as he continued to walk tread behind your figure. You knew little to nothing of the man but you had a feeling that he had a smirk etched alongside his scarred lip.

“You’re talking?” You huff out a laugh and don’t make an effort to raise your guard before continuing. “I’m not a liar, Zenin. What I said that day was true. I consider you a friend. Why would I need to defend myself?” 

“I’m sure you’ve heard of my feats. Surely, that should raise some alarm for your safety.” The feats in question were all the sorcerers he has killed in the past 3 months. The man had been undermined by his lack of cursed energy his whole life. Only a select few had acknowledged his potential. That niche collective pertains to the people who employed him. He was now trying to uncover which category you would slot into.

“All bad things, of course. You have quite the reputation, Zenin.”  You affirm his claims, searching your mind for more adjectives that have been used. It was a hot topic of discussion during the monthly elder’s meeting; Toji Zenin defected from the clan and Jujutsu society to become a mercenary: The Sorcerer Killer.

“You’re not here to kill me, are you? Friends usually don’t do that.” 

“Friends also usually know each other’s name. How about you try saying mine, doll.” 

“Doll? We’ve already gotten to the nickname stage? Should I make one for you?” Though he couldn’t see it he heard the lilt in your voice and could imagine your eyebrow raised in amusement. 

“Gotta say my name. Maybe then I’ll consider it.”

Plopping yourself in the same spot as last time, you face him, and your lips slightly parted. It was the first time you’ve seen him fully.  His appearance aligned with his lineage, the stark black hair and probing/emotionless green eyes. However, he looked nothing like his older brother Jinichi, who was an unruly man that you’ve had the displeasure of meeting on multiple occasions. The only attributes that could categorize him alongside his older brother were the scar on his lip, the fresh wound on his cheek, and his body.  If there was a word that surpassed well-built then Toji’s body was that. It was hard to discern with the baggy black sweatshirt and sweatpant set he wore but based on the muscles that peaked through the opening of the neckline, you don’t believe your assumptions to be baseless. Alongside that, he had to have been either the same age as you or older than you by a year at most.

You let your eyes fall in line with his,  “Toji.” He enjoyed how you said his name. “Your name is Toji, right.” 

“I guess we are friends.”  He huffed and followed your gaze. There you went again looking at the stars. He would never understand your fixation with them. Perhaps because all his life he had been described as anything but that. 

“So does that mean I can give you a nickname?” 

He shook his head and chuckled, “Keep dreaming, doll.” 

You let out a breath of disappointment before carrying out your usual routine of staring at the stars. The stars on duty tonight were far less than usual. You wondered what caused the shortage. Maybe some were stationed at another stretch of the hemisphere and were stationed to add an illuminating mystical ambiance to a pair of freshly weds the night of their honeymoon. You pitied the ones that shined dimly over you both. They were stuck overlooking a mercenary and a glorified puppet interacting for the first time. 

“You have a Heavenly Restriction, right?” You asked. “You were either limited or granted improvements in exchange for being born without cursed energy. What category do you fall into?”

The gamble when someone is given a Heavenly Restriction is 50/50. Some are left impaired while others are given improvements to their physical capabilities. This was what you had learned at Jujutsu Tech but you had never met anyone who possessed it. 

He rolls his eyes and the scar moved in unison with his lips. “I saw you checking me out earlier. Take a wild guess.” 

“Clarification wouldn’t hurt.” If he hadn’t been staring at you, he could have guessed that his words didn’t affect you. However, he could vaguely see the apples of your cheeks turning a faint red peeking through the parts of your hair that weren't actively in your shielding your face. 

A majority of your life had been confined to the Gojo compound. The sliver of time where you weren’t there was at Jujutsu Tech and the other students there were hardly anything to gawk at. Even at social events like the one you were escaping from, all the men looked the same. Average height, average build, below-average face, and infant-level intelligence. It’s safe to say that Toji was nothing like that. 

In addition to all the men looking the same, they also all looked at you the same, a piece of meat that would be best served on their bed. The man beside you held that same expression when he looked at you. It was an expression that was so natural for him that you wanted to believe that it was second nature for him. You don’t think you would mind if it was reserved just for you.

In layman’s terms, you found Toji Zenin unfathomably attractive. 

“Oh, is the heir of the Gojo clan blushing? What a lucky day.” He teased as he moved his body to be facing you. “The rumors surrounding you were wrong. You seem to be far more expressive than they make you out to be. At least with me, you are. Is there any reason for that, doll?”

A womanizer, you thought to yourself. This man had to be a womanizer with how seamlessly he could convert an unsuspecting conversation into a suggestive one. He certainly had the looks and personality to become one if he wasn’t one already.

“Do you want them to be true?” You challenge blatantly ignoring his other question, setting aside the brief embarrassment as you cast a gaze through your peripheral at the man. 

“Nah.” He shrugs as he replies. “You’d just remind me of that pain in the ass Naobito and that’s not what I come here for.” He had heard his clan describe you as a woman of few words with a silence that makes up for them. It was hard to picture as you have been anything but that with just this interaction as his evidence.

“So what did you come here for?” You asked the questions that have been circulating in your mind for years. “Why did you start coming here? This isn’t a place that many people can find. So how did you find it?”

The garden as previously described was deserted before you found it. No one knew of this haven besides you and Satoru. It was hidden further out of the Gojo compound and you could make the argument that it was outside the Gojo compound boundary. 

You truly did not beat around the bush, “You curious? The answer is gonna disappoint you.”

“I don’t have any expectations on what the answer could be so go ahead. I can assure you the reason as to why I’ve allowed you to follow me here will also disappoint you.” Your voice was relaxed but the way you formulated your sentences remained formal. Even in the way you sat; posture upright, hands placed neatly in the space between your legs, and eyes permeating through his soul. 

He racks his mind looking for a choice of wording as he props his head with his knuckles while his elbow is nuzzled into his knee supporting his position, “I dunno. You looked interesting and I followed. Nothing more to it than that.”  He was never good with words.

As he said before, he expected some form of disappointment to show on your face but as you did so well you did the opposite. For the first time, you smiled at him. Well, if it could even be considered that. He would describe it as quaint and faint. It was discernible to know that it wasn’t shown often as it felt foreign to see on your face but he didn’t seem to mind it. “That makes me feel better about my reasoning.”

Tucking your knees into your chest as you laid your head upon them, you confessed, “I noticed you the first time you started following me here. I thought you would approach me but you never did. I’m not one to start a conversation either so I didn’t make much of an effort to approach you either. It would’ve stayed like that if Satoru hadn’t noticed you that day.”

“You were just going to continue to let me watch you? Is that some sort of kink for you? Think they call that being an exhibitionist.” This man watched as visually recoiled at his words and sent him a pointed look.

“And wouldn’t that make you a voyeur?” Those three years at Jujutsu Tech were very informative. All thanks to Yuki Tsukumo, a failed mission of yours is how you would categorize her. She was supposed to be the Star Plasma Vessel for Tengen but somehow between the beginning of the mission and taking her to Tengen’s barrier you decided to offer her a second chance at life. The downside would be she had to become a student at Jujutsu Tech and become a sorcerer for the duration of her time as a student. Due to that act of kindness that nearly stripped you of your place within your clan,  Yuki made it her mission to expose you to life beyond the strobe of Jujutsu society: underage drinking, clubbing, blind dates, and adult content that came in all forms. Anything that could leave the elders of the clan in a catatonic state if they ever heard of it. 

“Look at that, we're the perfect match. We should test that compatibility of ours out one of these days” Toji thoroughly enjoyed the fact that he was able to unlock multiple expressions/emotions from you. In each passing moment, he felt the need to up the ante to see how far he could go before you would consider him to be crossing your boundary.  

You were none the wiser. Under other settings, there would be an obvious power imbalance between the two of you. You, who was put on a pedestal within the Jujutsu world, and then Toji, who was degraded for his lack of curse energy. However, the power imbalance between the two of you now was different. 

When you turned your face to offer a retort you were greeted with his face only a few inches away from yours. You don’t know when or how or if you were distracted by the conversation but at some point he had reached you. His eyes glided over your face and inspected every detail of it: your eyes that followed his own, your nose that was twitching in confusion, cheeks that still had leftover red, and your glossy lips. You noticed they stayed focused on your lips longer and he noticed that he had made a bad habit of doing that.

Momentarily you allowed yourself to wonder what it would feel like to let him close the gap but didn’t let it linger for too long. You instead focused on the fresh wound on his cheek that you had noticed earlier. It was merely a cut but it bothered you. Lifting your finger to touch the wound, leaving the man's eyes no choice but to deviate from your lips and follow your fingers. 

“You’re a careless man.” is all you say as you begin to use the reversed cursed technique to heal the minor wound. It was completely unnecessary on your part. A bandaid would’ve worked just as well. It could have been a fluke but you felt compelled to help him. 

Your hands were rough due to years of strenuous training yet they held a sort of gentleness alongside it. You felt his green eyes watching you closely but didn’t let them affect you as they had previously. At least that’s what you wanted to believe. Tapping gently along the cut, you say,  “I would ask where you got it from but since you haven’t answered my last question I won’t even try.”

“Tough day at work.” Toji wasn’t going to verbally tell you that he had just killed a man even if it was now common knowledge that his trade of work wasn’t formidable. You didn’t ask further questions upon that answer. You could see the curse residuals in the cut, the hint of blood in his smell, and the faint imprints of dried-up sweat on his skin. He knew you knew what he had done and there was nothing that you could do but silently acknowledge it.

“You’re letting me tread very close to you, doll. Wonder how close you’ll let me get next time.”  He teased as you felt his breath graze your lips. The proximity between the two of you felt far too intimate. 

You shook your head, removing your finger from his cheek briefly before trying to place it in the same position while activating Infinity. It would be the first time you had activated it throughout this entire interaction. Visually your finger looked as if it was touching his cheek but physically the man could feel the absence. Smirking slightly at the man, you affirm, “I wouldn’t get my hopes up. That was the last time.”

A friendship between two liars, the perfect match.