CHAPTER 8 UPDATE

CHAPTER 8 UPDATE

Chapter 8 might come out today!!!

I want to give out the disclaimer that there isn't any smut in this chapter but there are insinuations of it. So if anyone only reads for the smut I'm sorry :(

PLAYLIST?

I have a playlist I listen to when I’m writing “A Soliloquy to the Life We Never Had” to get into the mood. Would you guys be interested in me giving you guys the link to it?

𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| fleeting thoughts

pairings: toji x gojo!reader

summary: yuki loves to make you overthink

tags/genre: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, symbolism (?),, satoru being a little brat (are we surprised?), strangers to friends to ?, fluff, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!.

warnings: 4.1k word count, alluding to sexual content, yuki tsukumo (yes she deserves a warning)

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“They’re bug bites.” Your words were clean-cut. Your nostrils were flared and your eyebrows tense in position.

Thankfully, Satoru is inconsistent. He reigns as the strongest sorcerer of the era with an intellect that can only be matched by his predecessors. He had the foresight to determine a threat from miles away. His eyes saw all and that included the college of hickeys adorning your neck that fine morning. He was idiotic enough to fall for the shitty excuse you made or maybe that was his age peeking through.

The honored one didn’t bat an eyelash to your excuse. Instead, he showed concern for your predicament and gave you suggestions for the future like purchasing bug repellent, longer-sleeved shirts and long pants. He even suggested not going to the garden as often to not encounter any more bugs. You appreciated his suggestions and said you’d implement them moving forward. 

As for Toji, it was Toji. He gave that lackluster apology and laughed in your face when you told him what had been the aftermath. Nothing out of the ordinary for two emotionally unavailable kids in their early twenties. 

Rendezvous like that night came often. You had no plans of changing the spontaneity of your relationship. It made it fun, you could even go as far as to say, it was thrilling. 

If it wasn’t obvious, you guys were still friends. I know, hard to believe considering how indecent your relationship had become but it’s true.

For example, you guys still hung out per the normal routine. The garden was your home in the morning and you’d only meet at each other’s places at night, his place more than yours for obvious reasons, to have sex. It was a boundary you created and so far there haven’t been any issues. 

“Getting better with those clippers, Zenin. I’m seeing an increase in pay in your future.” You patted his back as you watched him trim your bushes symmetrically. He has come a long way from where he started and you believed it was due to your constant reprimanding.

You wore a red tank top and denim shorts. Don’t worry, you had a separate change of clothes that you were going to change into once you returned to the compound. 

He whistled as you walked past him to water some flowers, “Your body is enough to keep me satisfied.”

You squatted down to twist the knob of the hose and scoffed, “It's amazing how you managed to decrease your pay in less than 10 seconds.”

“It’s one of my many talents.”

“Mind if I take off my shirt, it’s fucking scorching out here.” He complained, fingers at the hem of the shirt trying to attach any sort of cool air onto his body.

You wave a hand, "Go right ahead, nothing I haven’t seen before.”

One of the many talents he was referring to had to be how he managed to always surprise you. It hadn’t hit you that every time you had borne witness to his naked body it was either dark or you were too entranced in the moment to notice the countless scars that made up a constellation of their own on his body.

You stared at his body with your mouth ajar and allowed the water from the hose to run freely on the ground. Though you weren’t a healer, you knew that among the healed scars and open wounds that had to have happened a few days ago.

“I’m sorry but there is an added fee if you want to gawk at me.” He joked, unaware that your stare was anything but flattering.

“Doll?”

“At your age, you’d think you would be better at taking care of yourself.” You chide, eyes narrowing at the gashes on his figure.

“Huh?” His eyes follow yours and they land on what you had been staring at.”It naturally comes with the territory.”

You rolled your eyes and challenged, “Do you even try to block?” 

He grits his teeth at your insinuation and lets his fingers graze his wounds, “My body is resistant to shit like this.” 

You direct the hose to one of the fresh wounds on his body and he instantly recoils at the abrupt impact.

“What the hell was that for?” He hissed as his upper body slumped forward in pain. 

You bit your tongue but kept your words firm, “Your Heavenly Restriction has its limits. You’re resistant to a lot but you’re still human.”

“Whether I live or die it’s all the same.”

Toji did know he had his limits. He is human. As are you. That’s why he knows Death taunts him more than the average person. It’s the curse his Heavenly Restriction had given him. It’s why he doesn’t care. Life was a game to be played and his difficulty level was maxed out.

You sighed to resign yourself from agreeing, “Be it as it may, this garden can’t be maintained by myself.”

You shifted the knob off and pushed yourself up with your hands on your knees. You inspected his figure again and taunted, “What do you even use to fight?” 

He didn’t seem like the kind to lug around a weapon or have any sort of armory to defend himself. He must’ve used his Heavenly Restriction to his advantage and wasn’t one to back down from a challenge, your situation with him acting as evidence of his ignorance.

He scoffed while he began to compose himself not without holding the side you had hydro-blasted. 

He looked off into the patches of lilies to his right and shrugged, “It’s situational. Sometimes hand-to-hand and other times weapons.”

You hum and make your way over to him. He recognized what you were gonna do and stepped closer to you to give you space to activate your reversed cursed technique. Your hands glowed and hovered over his abdomen as you tried to make a visual count of the amount of healing you would have to do.

Somehow your eyes landed on the scar on the left corner of his lip, you parted your mouth to ask but he took notice of where your eyes had focused on and pleaded with his own that you remained silent. The question died on your tongue.

“Looks like you just wanted an excuse to feel up on me. You know, we’ve done much worse. Your sense of shame should be zero when it comes to me.”

You chew on the inside of your cheek before stomping on his foot (undoubtedly hearing a yelp from the man even if he denied it),  “An infection must’ve spread to your brain because right now you’re living in delusion.”

“This reminds me of that time when you were 12 and you found a bunny limping on its foot and you bit your lip so hard trying to stop yourself from crying.” He teased as he stared at the crown of your head that resembled a mountain of snow.

You had finished with your garden work early and were about ready to turn in for the night when you saw the bunny struggling to move at the gate of the garden. At the time, you were a novice when it came to your reversed curse technique and didn’t want to risk injuring the bunny even more than it already was. You felt hopeless in the situation. All you could do was take it into the garden and feed it whatever herbs you had lying around. You remember staying in the garden that night and pleading with the stars to heal the bunny. You ended up falling asleep and when you woke up the next day you saw the bunny hopping around you.

You cringed hard at the memory, not because you felt shame for what you did but because he had to be there to witness it,  “I was 12, I didn’t know I was being conned.”

You were a pretty emotional child in the years that you were still an only child. Never in public, obviously. The garden was therapy for you and whenever you would go in there you would inevitably be found crying. You’re just grateful that Toji hadn’t seen those moments or if he had he didn’t tell you.

You felt his laugh boom through your fingers, “I thought I was hitting a gold mine when I thought I was going to see a Gojo cry.”

“Instead of helping me, you decided to pray for my downfall? Typical Zenin.” 

“You’ve met enough Zenins to know that’s all we’re good for.”

He made a valid point. You forget that there was a time when neither one of you knew each other. It’s childish to think it took Satoru to acknowledge his presence for you to acknowledge him. You don’t know why, you never knew why. 

As I write this, I have my theories but if you read them you’d classify them as propaganda.

His wounds were worse than he let on. Any other normal person would’ve died within hours of having them. You had to agree with him and say that his body had an ungodly immunity to lethal injuries. His resistance did not mean that healing the wounds would be easy. 

“Be careful.” You whispered barely louder than the air that cascaded through the trees. You didn’t intend to be heard. It’s why you let your eyes ponder on your hands. 

“Awe sounds like you care about me more than you let on, sweetheart.” If you had made eye contact you would’ve seen the expression he was giving you that would contradict the tone he had spoken in.

You shook your head, finishing up healing the last wound. You looked to make sure that you hadn’t missed anything and thankfully you hadn’t. The need to be breaths away from him was gone and you made sure to deviate from his insinuations.

“I just would’ve thought you would’ve had some sort of normalcy in your life after you left.”

“I was destined for this lifestyle. Tengen didn’t give me this body to waste on being a salesman.”

“But isn’t that why you left? For something different? Something normal.” You questioned. You imagine that’s why people move countries when they want to go to college or when they move cities for their jobs. No one can be satisfied being in one place forever and as humans we change.

“Speak for yourself. You think too highly of me.” 

Toji pitied you. He ridiculed you for comparing yourself as a star but you were the epitome of a star. You glisten at night with only a select few that witness you but come morning the whole world has shifted their focus on the sun. If space lost all of its stars the world would notice but if they see one flickering they would gawk at its beauty. 

That’s what he gets the privilege of witnessing. He admires you as you cut pieces from a plant, hacking away the spikes on the side before placing them in a miscellaneous bag you had found on the handle of your shed. 

“I won’t be here forever.” He takes the plant from your hands and watches you clear your throat,

“This is Aloe Vera, cut in the middle and uses the sap to heal any non-life threatening wounds.”

You wait to hear a response from him but when don’t you turn to walk away to gather your belongings.

You wave a calm hand at him, “I have a mission soon. See you later.”

He cuffed his hands over his mouth and called out, “Try not to die.”

You flip him off and call back, “Counting on it.”

Just like a star, you were gone, and the moon waited a bit before you disappeared to leave too.

—------------------

Special Grades missions are routinely the only kind of curses you deal with. If you deal with anything of a lower grade it’s because it’s highly speculated that the curse might be stronger than it is or a fairly new manager is mocking your strength. You’re the only registered Special Grade sorcerer. At least, the only one that does their job. Yuki is a Special Grade but refuses to take missions and instead takes “passion projects” or whatever she calls it. Her purpose was to get rid of curses altogether. She believed there was no use in dealing with them one by one when she could get to the route of the problem. She was a researcher. Again, all her words.

That’s why you were left alone to handle the baggage of the world. The locations of these missions were always similar; in an abandoned building and far away from civilization. This one was no different. An abandoned warehouse in the middle of rural Japan.

The Special Grade was cocky. By that, it made its presence known from the get-go. It had the physique of a human but the skin color of a smurf. Its head was upside down and its face was shaped between a hybrid of a deer and an ostrich. It was a sight for sore eyes much like any other curse.

It had the advantage of being able to see from different angles and ultimately that’s what it took for you to win. It took less than 10 minutes to get the job done. All you needed was a combination of your extension techniques, Red and Blue. You were getting ready to leave, articulating your report in your head, when you heard a waning cry coming from the direction of the curse. 

“Mamaaaa!”

You had killed the thing, right? Or maybe it was another curse you hadn’t been able to sense. You turned, eyes searching every nook and corner of the building to see where you could’ve gone wrong. There was no energy that you could sense at all. Then you saw it, right in front of you. It was inching toward you in short increments as a small purple worm-like creature. It was a curse, no doubt about it, but it held no ominous energy. Your palm extended while your fingers readied to form a hand signal. You had every intention to exorcise it. However, once it reached up to the tip of your shoe it morphed itself into a ball. Eyebrows furrowed and lips pursed, you bent down to pick it up. It held no malice, honestly, you could’ve left it. Instead, you pulled out one of the vials you carry to transport evidence and placed it inside ready to include it in your debrief. It was time to debrief and you decided to disclose the vile only if they sensed its energy. 

They didn’t.

You went straight to the training ground and released the cursed worm out of its vile. It morphed into the original body you had found it in but it remained still. Just like in the warehouse, you didn’t feel any dangerous aura coming from the worm. However, you can never be too sure and before you got close to it you made sure to activate your Limitless. You squatted down in front of it and poked its sides to see any reaction. Unfortunately, nothing happened. You purse your lips and decide to pick it, inspecting anything that could’ve been odd with it. Again, nothing.

“What the heck are you?” A rhetorical question because as you had figured out earlier it does not react to anything. 

It isn’t until you accidentally squeeze it in frustration that you feel something move in its stomach. It isn’t until you hear the sound of it gagging and you drop it and jump back. You had expected the worst; acidic vomit, combustion, etc. What you weren’t expecting was for it to throw up a sword, a cursed sword.

You attempted to pick it up again but it had morphed into a ball. 

“Interesting.”

You placed it back in the vial and decided that it could potentially be used for something in the future.

As you were making your way back to your house you felt a vibration in your pocket, snatching it out and groan at the sender.

Yuki:

Need the purse back.

You:

When and Why?

Yuki:

You responded!

Need it by tomorrow for a date.

Meet me at that convenience store we used to go to in an hour!

You:

I’ll bring the clothes back too.

Yuki:

Keep it as memorabilia of when you first got laid.

Your cheeks went red and in retaliation, you sent out a text before shoving your phone back in your pocket.

You:

I’m pissing in that damn purse.

—------------------

You told your chauffeur to drop you off at a restaurant a few blocks away from the convenience store and waited until you couldn’t see his car to make your way to the convenience store.

The convenience store was a 7/11 and you could see the blonde waiting outside with a lit cigarette in one hand and a plastic bag in the other, scanning the perimeter for you. 

You hand the purse off to her and try to reach into the plastic bag but can’t because she pushes it into her body.

She dangles the purse away from her with one hand on the handle and the other clasping the bridge of her nose.

Snatching the bag from her, you sift through the cigarette packs to find what you had been looking for, banana milk. Your eyes could’ve matched the same radiance of the sun with how bright they shined. 

“I didn’t piss in it, dumbass.” 

She exhales but still does a sniff test before she fully unzips the purse to find the box of condoms she had gifted you. Just as she had suspected, it was open.

“Ha, I knew it! You’re a whore!” By the way she reacted, you’d think you cheated on her. Onlookers consisted of young parents with their children that damned you to hell with their eyes.

You tried to stop her from airing out your business to the whole street but it was no use. Once Yuki goes on a tangent there is no going back. “How was it? It was with the guy you went on that date with, right? The tall muscular guy?”

You nearly spat out your drink and your eyes were close to bulging out of your skull, “You saw him?!”

“Duh, I had to see who I was giving you away to.” She explained, taking a drawl from her cigarette and leaning her head back on the wall of the 7/11 before pouting, “I only saw his back because you whisked him away into the restaurant too fast to catch a good look.”

You sighed taking a shot of your banana milk.

She watched as you chugged down the remnants of your milk before adding, “Doesn’t mean I didn’t see how you looked at him.”

“You mean with pure disgust and hatred.”

She laughed and shook her head staring directly at the cars that passed by, “Sure, we can go with that.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” She put out her cigarette and reached for two, pointing one at you, “Cigarette?”

You huffed and narrowed your eyes. She shrugged as she put the other one back and lit the other for herself. She watched through her peripheral you nonverbally inquired about the statement she had said.

“You’re gonna deny it so what’s the point in telling you?”

You challenged, “Maybe I won’t. Not if it’s true.”

She falls victim to your incessance and files through her memories of that day. Based on what she could see from her hiding spot, she saw how he played with the ruffle of your dress. She saw what you meant by a flirt and expected you to retaliate the way you did. However, she needed to verify if her assumption was correct.

“What’s your relationship with him now? That date had to have changed things.”

Things certainly changed after that date. 

“We are still friends but with…” Your words lodged themselves in your throat and your hands pushed the banana milk bottle to and fro in your hands.

She understood immediately. Her interest in your mystery man began the moment she knew of your date. The girl who tried to avoid men like the plague was giving a man the time of day. He had to be special.

She crossed her hands over her waist letting one of them dangle out to tap out some of the ash from her cigarette bud, “That can be tricky, especially with how you look at him.”

Your hands stalled. 

“How do I look at him?”

“How I looked at my first boyfriend.” You were close to Yuki in high school and knew who she was referring to but drew a blank at the name. He was a year older than you but that seemed to draw Yuki in. They dated for a while, probably until Yuki’s 3rd year before they broke up. Though you don’t remember him much, seeing him in passing and exchanging pleasantries, you know that Yuki was happy with him.

She fears she may have scared you with such a daunting statement and reassures, “I’m not saying you’re in love with him or anything. That’s something you have to find out on your own. Might be tricky with your relationship but you don’t think of him as just a friend.”

But you did see him as a friend? 

She hums in amusement.

You had come to terms with having lustful thoughts of him. Anyone with good taste would want Toji. Romantically? That’s something you’ve pondered about from time to time but it would flee before you could fixate your time and energy into it. 

“Do you even have a date?”

She grinned deviously to herself, “Nope. Just wanted to see if you got laid.”

—----------------------

Regardless of what Yuki had said, you still went to see him. It’s become second nature to go see him you’re sure if you didn’t go he would question why.  

You loved being in denial. 

You weren’t going to tell him that your whole perception of your relationship had been warped. Therefore, you ended up tangled in his sheets with the stench of sex filling up the air.

You lay on his chest, hair melted onto your forehead and shoulders from the sweat, and all that could be heard was the sound of trying to even out your breath and his heartbeat. 

“We’re friends, right?” You asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“Then why are we doing this? Friends don’t do this.”

You still couldn’t bring yourself to say fuck and he would gladly do it for you.

“Doing what? Fucking?”

You were too tired to deal with him playing coy and thankfully he knew that too. 

He rubbed circles into your shoulder and exhaled, “Since when did you become the Messiah of sex and friendship?”

Yuki was always at the root of your inner turmoil. You would’ve never thought of your relationship with Toji being more without her unnecessary input. Keep telling yourself that. 

Were you guys still even friends?

“Do you want to stop?” He was secretly crossing your fingers that you would say no.

You shook your head and he relaxed his arms around you.

He smirked and laid his head on top of yours, “Then there is nothing to worry about.”

You stayed like that for a while before it was time to leave.

You had forgotten about the cursed worm and were in the middle of putting on your kimono when the vial fell out from one of the pockets. 

“What’s that?” He couldn’t see the curse but had honed his abilities well enough to know that a curse was there.

“It’s for you.” You picked up and continued, “It’s a cursed worm. I found it on my mission today. You can use it whenever you want to carry weapons. It morphs its shape so it’s adaptable.” You tossed the vial toward him as you went on about putting your clothes on.

He swiftly caught it and asked,  “Why didn’t you turn it in?” 

A glimpse of your conversation peeks into your mind and you shrug it off, “Need my gardener to be in top shape.”

"Talking about the garden. I'm going to be gone for a few weeks and I need you to look after the garden for me." You mentioned, deviating from the conversation. You heard him grunt which you understood was him agreeing.

You eventually leave and after he hears his front door close he plops himself down on his bed while he twirls the vial in between his fingers with the previous conversation lingering in his mind.

“Cute”

------------------------------------------------------------------------

hope you enjoyed this chapter! I took a bit of a hiatus to focus on college and I'm happy to say I just applied for my associates! I'm transferring to my dream university (hint: Chris Pine went there and Oppy taught there)  this fall and since I'm going to be a junior  I won't have as much time to update BUT I plan on writing consistently for the next month or so because surprisingly a lot of you like this story.

Also, any guesses on where the story is going? I'm always interested in seeing what you guys think!

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@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold @missroro

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𝙖 𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙤𝙦𝙪𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙚 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙖𝙙 | ᴛᴏᴊɪ ꜰᴜꜱʜɪɢᴜʀᴏ| first times (18+ MDNI)

pairings: toji fushiguro x gojo!reader, toji zenin x gojo!reader

summary: the first time you were close enough to see the stars.

tags/genre: toji x gojo!reader, gojo’s older sister, pre-star plasma vessel arc/star plasma vessel arc, Shiu Kong cameo, suggestive language (thanks to Toji, of course), explicit language, SMUT (if that makes you uncomfortable please do not read this), symbolism (?), satoru being a little brat (are we surprised?), sibling bonding, strangers to friends to ?, fluff, 2nd person point of view, the first person point of view switches are intentional!

warnings: 8.5k word count, rated M (18+) for language and sexual scenes, male masturbation, allusion to female masturbation, vaginal sex, male dom, fem sub, virginity kink (if you squint), praise kink, breath play, brat themes (barely), handjob (fingering), oral (fem rec.), teasing (this is toji were are talking about), sweet talk, dirty talk, pet names (doll and pretty girl are the extent of it), semi-edging, missionary, safe-sex (they used a condom), titty sucking.

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Your first time was in the garden underneath the blazing lights of the stars and the judgmental gaze of the moon with the man you loved most.

That’s how you retold it to me when I became a teenager and told you I was interested in dating. You stretched the importance of communication in a relationship. Your exact words were, “Make sure they know it’s a relationship! A lot of people assume things! Oh, and use protection!”

But that wasn’t the truth. At least, not the way that Yuki told me about it.

You lost it in a dingy apartment in Shinjuku with the night sky hardly peaking through the openings of the blinds. The man you lost it to, well, I can’t speak on that. 

He was an impatiently patient man. He had texted you his address soon after your date and added a few suggestive words to truly hone in on his desire to see you again but under an unrestrained environment. He left it at that and let the waiting game begin. His mind was filled with the chances of winning but in a small subsection (that’s as much as he’d ever admit to a living soul) of all that, he questioned what you’d be doing in your part of your world.

He would be lying if he didn’t have you as a constant in his mind since that day; to be more specific, your body had been getting him hard at just the thought of it. The silhouette of your body in the dress alone would have left an impactful impression on him but the opportunity to see you nearly naked and have the images he had fantasized about be confirmed. 

He envisioned you stuck in a circle of Elders dictating the state of their society and you idly listening in. They’d mention your role in their hierarchy as the face of the “New Era” and implant their belief systems into you through innuendos. You’d play the attentive archetype but secretly rather be in your garden or seeing that you enjoy spending time with your sibling, you’d think about taking Satoru to eat at his favorite place because who were you without trying to appease someone who wasn’t yourself? 

He also foresaw that after all of your tasks, you’d decompress in your garden. You’d be trying to do your daily routine of inspecting for weeds and checking what didn’t and did need watering. In between that routine, you’d somehow get reminded of him while taking in his failed attempt of carving out a snake in one of the hedges due to his reckless craftsmanship. You’d stifle a smile but you and those petunias that circled the surrounding area knew that you found amusement in it and though in the moment you cursed him to hell for trying to create something so hideous you never urged him to fix it. 

Afterward, you’d get frustrated thinking about him and believe that the frustration that needs to be released is through training. You’d have no one around to train with and take out your frustrations on the nearby trees surrounding the training ground. After attempting to release variations of Red and Blue on the trees you’d come to grow even more frustrated at your countless failed attempts at being able to use it continuously. So you’d switch the practice to something you were good at, fighting close range. This would need the help of a helpless punching bag and you’d try to exhaust all of your frustrations in a concoction of varying different punches and kicks. 

You’d take a shower to wash away the incessant thoughts of his presence. Your hands would massage in the shampoo to provide relief but it would remind you of the times he’d brush through your hair to find a strand to tug on. A tug, just one tug. That’s what you’d start with when you tug on one of your white strands. It wouldn’t feel the same as when he’d do it and that notion would certainly irk you. You’d continue your routine of washing your body but you’d make the mistake of closing your eyes when you brushed over your pebbled nipples. Curiously you’d grope them with the image of his exposed body in the pond cemented into the forefront of your mind making it easy to imagine his hands instead of your own. The hand that wasn’t busy with your breast would wander down to give attention to your needy clit that had been giving you clues as to what the target of your frustration had been. 

This is the scenario that Toji found himself jerking off to late at night in his bedroom after fighting the urge to take home a woman from the bar he had been at. He cursed you for this. If you hadn’t made the sole rule be not fucking anyone else, he’d be having his dick blown right now. You’d have no problem with that rule. That rule was a test and Toji was one boner away from breaking it. 

It was pathetic how he was holding out for someone who he hadn’t even felt yet. 

It had been a few days since he had last seen you and his body was not reacting to it well. He thought you would’ve been crawling to him by now. He pumped his shaft faster in frustration that the scenario he had imagined wasn’t even a probability for you. You had gone your whole life without sex, what would be a couple of days, weeks, or months added on of not experiencing it? 

He let out a few pumps before he came and let his other arm fall over his eyes while he tried to even out his breath. The pleasure that should’ve come along with it was nonexistent. Instead, he made the mistake of letting his mind flash an image of you again. 

He would spend the rest of his night restless and sore.

The next day he had to clear his mind through means that keep him sane.

There he was in a gambling pub in Shinjuku trying to make use of his money by trying to expand on it. It was also his unhealthy way of killing time as he anticipated your call. His gambling feats were enough to forget about all the other times he had lost money. He had placed his bet for the horse race that was the gamble of the day and ordered himself some takoyaki. The pub was situated on the outskirts of Shinjuku and was a hole-in-the-wall place. The pub was littered with all walks of life – a salaryman that is using gambling as a salvation, a group of construction workers who were there for lunch and had bet the lowest amount possible as they treated it as a game, a pair of middle-aged men that didn’t want to go home to their wife and kids, and then the majority were questionable characters that were stereotypical to the environment.

If Toji were to choose between the aforementioned list he would say he was a mix of them all. This information was based on observation and had a high possibility of it all being false but Toji didn’t plan on finding out. No, he is going to take his profiling as gospel and allow himself to be right. They were the least of his worries after all. The horse he bet on was advancing and the money he put in looked like a sure win. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw the door to the pub open and knew from the suit and the stench of cigarettes that approached him who it was. Sipping on his fountain drink of choice, he huffs out a laugh and announces,  “Was under the impression you were embarrassed by me, Shiu. You always restrict our meetings to over the phone so what’s with the sudden appearance?” 

Shiu Kong, a 24-year-old Korean national and former detective somehow found himself in Japan as a handler for mercenaries. Toji met him at a pub similar to the one they were in 2 years ago but not by coincidence. Shiu had seen him a few times before approaching him but observing him get into a bar fight and his blatant disregard for others made him approach him with the offer of becoming a mercenary. 

“Unfortunately, you’re hard to miss.” The man lamented referring to the window that was directly in front of him and the man’s large silhouette. He walked closer to the table and spectated the horse race that was projected on the screen and made his bet with himself that Toji would lose. The gamble was that if Toji lost he’d reward himself another pack of parliaments and if he won he’d quit smoking.  

“Plenty embarrassed of you but I just happened to be in the area and saw you through the window. Decided to cut out the middleman and fill you in on the job in person.” He explained while he searched one of his pockets for a staple of his image, a cigarette, and a lighter. Digging out both he exhaled, “Might find some entertainment watching you blow a shit load of cash in one go.”

“You’re wasting your time. I might not even bother with the job after I win this one. Bet 8 million on that Bronco and heard from one of the guys here that he’s a sure win.” Toji assured, offhandedly directing his chopsticks toward a sleazy-looking bald man across the pub.

“Yeah?” he asked in disbelief as he pulled out a seat next to his delusional client, “Should you be taking advice from a man who’s betting against you?”

No, he shouldn’t but he could always leave the man a generous message if he did decide to play dirty. Regardless if the man had “reassured” him that his bet was solid, Toji felt confident in his bet. He contributed his confidence to the outlook of his week. He was hoping that the biggest star in the sky was as much in favor of him as it had been on that date. Again, your image manifested in his mind causing him to try to remain neutral and adjust himself discreetly under the table. 

He returned his gaze to the TV while he was picking up his set of chopsticks when he saw the announcement that his horse had lost. Out of frustration, he had cracked them with the emotion that had manifested in the force he held them in. He stood up from his seat and scoured the pub for the man with his eyes. He focused his eyes on where had been earlier and saw only the food he had been eating left.

“Coward”, he mumbled as he plopped himself back on the stool and pulled out another set of chopsticks from the canister on the table, he grumbled, “How much is it and when do I have to do it?”

Puffing out the smoke, he taunted thoroughly amused with how the situation worked out for him, “Trying to make another quick buck after this? Employers are going to start paying you a salary with how frequently you are asking for jobs.” 

“If it’s anything short of a million they can shove that salary offer up their ass. I have to force you to negotiate to even get half the amount the jobs are worth.” He swallowed and drank from the fountain drink that he had refilled multiple times with no plans of paying the refill fee. His most recent job payout was a rare one, usually, the payout for his jobs is between 10-50k. The employers never understood the value or cost of a life. Why would they? If they were never the ones doing it. Rich people had money to blow but not the faintest idea what it’s worth was.

Pulling a seat next to the enormous man, he lets a chuckle escape, “God forbid, a 22-year-old survives on a million a month. Your gambling is going to leave you on the street eventually and don’t expect as your handler I’m going to offer you my house to crash at.”

Plopping another takoyaki ball in his mouth as he watched the horse he betted on in the lead, he jauntily answered, “As long as the jobs roll in we are both in the clear of that ever happening.”

Call Toji any negative adjective (trust, I have some of my own) but he was diligent with his work. He was the highest mercenary in demand in all of Japan with how efficient he was with his commissions. Employers appreciated that all he asked was the lump sum and the general details of the job. Morals were not a driving force in any particular aspect of being a mercenary, at least that’s how Toji perceived his career path. 

Shiu nodded and vaguely detailed, “All these people want is for it to be done by the end of the month.” 

While Shiu began to debrief him vaguely on the job, Toji felt a beep in the pocket of his jeans. His contact list consisted of the man in front of him and the woman he had eagerly anticipated to be inside of. He could’ve groaned out of relief at this revelation. From briefly listening in on the job description, it seemed like a pretty standard job.

Finishing the last sips of his drink and chewing on the last ball of takoyaki, he grunted as he stood up from his seat, “Got it. Forward me the details in a text or something.”

“You’ve been in a rush the past couple of days, Zenin. What other unhealthy habit of yours have you been indulging in?” He asked to take a draw from his cigarette while stuffing one of his hands in his pocket. With how long they’ve known each other, he’s hardly ever seen him rushing to places. Toji lived on the ideology that he had all the time in the world and he didn’t care much for how he spent it. Now comparing this ideology with how he had been acting lately, the former detective’s interest had peaked.

“Nothing that you would care about.” He replied as he put on his jacket. He threw some cash on the table and patted his handlers back as he made his way out of the pub. 

“Thanks for that restaurant recommendation, by the way.”

Shiu watched as his associate walked through the doors of the establishment and smirked to himself. Getting up from his seat and throwing away the trash Toji had left behind he makes his way to a nearby smoke shop with his head held high and mentally thanking him for his misgivings.

No, thank you, Shiu thought as he handed the cashier his money.

———————————————————-----------------------------------------------------------------

Weeds are grown out.

[image attached]

The text alongside him reaching the garden to see you fully clothed, in baggy jeans and an even bigger knit sweater with an annoyingly yellow garden apron on top of it all with that brat of a brother beside you, well, color his disappointment.

Irony befell him as he found himself going back to his old routine of trying to go unnoticed by you guys. He must’ve been rusty because it didn’t take long for your blue eyes to find his hiding spot. You nodded your head in acknowledgment before turning your attention back to the miniature version of you that was inches away from terrorizing a flower. If he hadn’t known he was your brother, he could have passed off Satoru as your son. 

You slapped his wrist away causing him to yelp in pain and sheepishly grin at being caught. You looked at him unamused and demonstrated how to properly pluck a flower.

“You are too rough on such delicate organisms, ‘Toru. You have to treat them with care and love–” He brought his hands up mimicking your speech and guessed the next words you were going to say, “Because they feel it too blah blah blah.” 

He stared boredly at how you plucked the flower from the stem rather than from the root and didn’t notice how your method was any better than his.

“Feel stuff, my butt. Why care for something so weak? They don’t even do anything.”  You heard him mutter and were growing irritated at his attitude. Normally, you’d hear complaints about his attitude from his retainer and any other unlucky person who crossed his path. You’d reprimand him but his behavior never was bad when he was with you. He’d be whiny and pouty but that was the extent of it. This was unusual.

“Why do you care for the teddy bear that I gifted you? Why do you care for the toys that you play with?” You asked, placing the flower you had plucked in the pocket of your apron.

He answered as if it were obvious, “Because you got them for me.”

“But they don’t do anything, so what value do they bring you? You wouldn’t care if I threw them away, right?” 

“I wouldn’t care. You could buy me new ones.” This kid was audacious as he stared up at you with the cheekiest grin. 

This kid knew his strengths and Toji could applaud you for resisting the urge to enforce corporal punishment. 

You scoffed, “I would? What gave you that idea?”

Satoru wrapped his arms around your waist and snuggled into the embrace he had created. “Look at this face! You can’t say no to this!” He cooed, shining his eyes to yours that dulled in comparison.

You shook your head with a laugh, warming up to his antics, before creating some distance. You plucked two flowers out from nearby; hyssop and heliotrope. 

Crouching down to his height, you explained, “You don’t know the meaning now but I hope once you find this interesting enough that one day you’ll understand.” You threaded the flowers in the crevice behind his ear, brushing a few strands of hair out of the way to properly display them.

Smiling at your work, you confessed, “You are annoyingly cute and sometimes I wish you didn’t know that but that’s not why I buy you those things.”

Pointing to the flowers behind his ear you said, “Those flowers are important because they have meaning.”

“Huh?” Your brother's face contorted in visual confusion, unable to grasp the point you were trying to make.

“Satoru means “to know.” Your name has meaning and lets people know how to address you. It reveals to people the kind of person you are from that alone. It’s what makes you a person.” You recall fondly on the day you were given the honor to name him. Your parents were so preoccupied with the revelation of birthing a user of the Six Eyes that they had forgotten to give him a name. The responsibility then had been passed to you. His birth came before you had thought of baby names for your hypothetical future child but keeping in line with your unoriginality Satoru was the first name to come to mind.

“These flowers may look weak based on appearance but many hold toxic properties that could kill something based on impact or consumption. Assuming that something is weak makes you the weak one in a situation and inevitably leaves you at a greater disadvantage. It could lead to your death.” You explained as you pointed to a patch of lantana, bitter nightshade, and mountain laurel; flowers with beautiful exteriors but poisonous compositions. 

Satoru groaned but made no effort to take out the flowers you’d given him, “If I wanted a life lesson, I would’ve stayed with Yoichi.”

Being compared to his retainer made you recoil. You hadn’t meant to turn a sibling bonding day into a day of lectures. The world after the ignorant closings of childhood is nothing but continuous put-to-use life lessons. You’d rather give him insight into his destiny as the strongest than further inflate the propagated ego that the masses had given the boy that convinced him that he was invincible. 

“You are welcome to go back to him if this bores you so much.” You are met with silence and that only elicits a sigh from you. You announced, “Let’s call it a day. I have some matters to attend to and Yoichi is most likely searching for you.”

In truth Satoru wasn’t bored, he just wanted you to spend time with him. Without the lessons, without being at home, and without anything or anyone else to worry about. You were his moral compass and anything you’d say he’d follow. His attitude was directed toward the retainer he had been trying to dodge all day

Satoru’s voice called out behind you, “It’s not boring! Tell me about those! They look kinda funky, what do they mean?”

You turned around to see him pointing at a patch of weeds. You giggled walking over to him and ruffling his hair, “Those are called weeds and they mean that I need to pluck them out in order for the other flowers to stay alive.”

“Can I help you with that one day?” He asked, unknowingly robbing Toji of his side hustle.

“Of course.” You smiled when you leaned down to place a kiss on his head, “You can go ahead of me. I’ll see you later.”

“Be nice to Yoichi!”

“I’m always nice!” He stuck his tongue out as he ran off passing the tree Toji had been hiding behind. He walked out once the kid was outside of earshot and made his way to an expectant you.

“To what do I owe the displeasure, Zenin?” You asked, patting your hands onto your apron.

Gesturing his head to the fading body of your body, he confronts, “Was here to clock in but instead saw you interviewing someone for my job. Did I mention that I work better alone?” 

You laughed, “Guessing that I was interviewing for a new worker rather than a replacement is audacious. I’ve been giving you warnings about how you handled my hedges and you never seem to listen.”

“I express artistic freedom.” He shrugged, “What do they say? Art is in the eye of the beholder.” 

You chuckled then teased.“As I’ve said time and time again, you need better eyes.” 

Walking up the array of hedges that had been brutalized by Toji’s craftsmanship, you inquire, “Alright, what is this one supposed to be?”

What you had been pointing to were two hedges that you had thought looked like either a yin and yang figure or– actually, no that was your only guess. None of his pieces have ever looked easy to understand. You suppose he could make the argument that’s the point of art so instead of voicing that you let it remain a thought.

“Obviously that’s supposed to be a lion fighting a tiger.” He claimed with certainty.

You raised a brow, “They have stories?”

You didn’t think Toji had the capability to be creative or thoughtful. His life was based on thoughtless behavior, it was the basis of your friendship. Sure, the portrayal he was going for was violent but the thought did render you temporarily speechless. Thinking about it more, what kind of hobbies did Toji have? What kind of things does he like? Does he listen to music?

“You’ve said it yourself. Everything has meaning. Isn’t that what you were trying to tell that brat?” If you had been familiar with his bashful tells, you would’ve noticed how he refused to make eye contact with you when he answered and the tips of his ears went red.

“By the way, if that’s how you talk during sex too I might have to rethink our deal. Unless you're moaning during it then by all means continue.” He mocked, naturally reminding you of the agreement you had made almost a week ago that had been constantly replaying in your mind.

You rolled your eyes, feeling the incessant jabs at you today to be unfair, “You’d be able to get those sounds from me? I’d like to see you try.” 

His hands found their respective places at each side of your waist, pulling your ass into the outline of his hardened member as he breathed into the shell of your ear, “You could find out. We still haven’t put the point of this deal to trial yet.” 

“You’re vetoing my analogies during sex but that proves otherwise.” You rebuke, restraining the noise that wanted to come out from the impact. Remaining in his hold any longer, you would have let him take you right then and there. When you did get out of his touch, you heard him groan and felt the effects of it go straight to your core.

“I also remember mentioning that I don’t plan on losing it in the garden.” You calmly remind, trying hard to deny the throb in between your legs.

“I haven’t fucked anyone in a week. I’ve been maintaining my end of the deal. It’s now your turn to maintain yours. I was under the impression that you’d be one of the better pussy I’ve been in.”  He said in annoyance, growing tired of your game.

You didn’t necessarily have any proof to prove that he had been lying but you also had no proof that he had been telling the truth. You shrugged, not understanding how that had anything to do with you, “Whether I am or not, that’ll be up to you to decide.”

“Yeah, and when is that gonna be? It’s been nearly a week, doll. My patience is running out.” 

And it truly was. After jerking off to an imaginary scenario and sporting one to the thought of you, he could only endure so much. An ironic predicament for a man who has a Heavenly Pact that enhances his senses and his physical strength.

It must be your Gojo instincts because you felt pleasure in having something over the outcasted Zenin. 

“Tomorrow. I’ll give myself to you tomorrow.” You stated, making it seem like a less than thought out decision when in actuality you had this decided from the moment you had sent that text. 

“In the meantime, if you want to keep your job.” You handed him the hedge clippers, “Fix my hedges."

The rest of the time, it was a comfortable quiet with the noise of your collective pensive with the thoughts of tomorrow above all else.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The address in his text led you to a wear-for-tear apartment complex on the outskirts of Tokyo nearing Shinjuku. It was enveloped with nearby liquor stores, gambling pubs, drunkards, and arguing couples. It worried your driver to leave you alone in such a place so much that he had asked to wait for you out of concern for your safety but you waved him off without a second thought. The excuse you had used was that you were meeting up with an old colleague on work matters. He had been hesitant but he obeyed and drove off leaving you in front of the disarray. The environment is very well aligned with where you had imagined Toji would live. Given the amount of money that Toji was given in his jobs, he must’ve spent it all on a continuous streak of failed gambling bets and couldn’t afford to pay rent in a better place. You couldn’t even imagine the structure or the furniture he had in his apartment. You felt that it could have been the affluent possessions or black-and-white essentials. 

You let those thoughts linger as you made your way up the flight of stairs to his apartment. Each step was louder and more concerning than the last. The noise of cars passing by and various sirens were heard clearly throughout the motel-style infrastructure of the apartment.

When you arrived at his door, you felt the reality of the situation sink in. Your virginity wasn’t something sacred to you. As a teenager, you weren’t interested in any guy that much to want to lose it to them. You wished you had caved and just lost it to one of the many guys Yuki had sent your way. Due to your high standards, you’ve landed yourself in a situation that was more than you bargained for. You’re stuck with the option of Toji Zenin, the embodiment of sex.

You let your knuckles graze the door believing if you left them there for a while it would give you the courage to knock. The meandering thoughts were pushed aside once you lifted your knuckles to knock and felt your stomach twisted up into knots. You vaguely heard thuds and things opening and closing from the interior and felt the knots in your stomach tighten. 

He opened the door with relatively the same image that you had engraved in your mind; nothing but a towel around his neck and low hanging plaid red and black pajama pants that visibly displayed his defined v-line. Your blue eyes knew not to linger and went to search for his but found them fixated on your mouth. You’d have to address that habit of his eventually. You took that as your cue to speak.

“H-Hey.” 

Pathetic, you thought to yourself. It had only been a few hours ago that you held the power in the situation. Seeing a preview and what you’d be seeing soon, you forfeited any semblance of power that you had left. Pushing your way through the door, you reiterate, “Where’s your bedroom?”

Entering his apartment, your suspicions of what it would look like were semi-confirmed. There were no luxurious items but it was filled with household essentials like a couch and TV. It was also barren of any personality aside from a bar cart that had looked to be untouched.  

“Straight to the point? I appreciate taking into account how cruel you’ve been towards me.” He grinned at your flustered state. 

“Shut up, asshat. I just want to get this over with.” You barked back, walking aimlessly in his apartment aiming to find the door that led to his bedroom.

“It’s the first door to the left. You can wait there for me. I’ll be out soon” He called out as he made his way back into the bathroom to continue his night routine that you undoubtedly disrupted.

You entered the bedroom and were surprised to find that it was cleaner than you had imagined it to be. Much like the living room, it only held the essential furniture needed to distinguish its purpose. After assessing the room for what it was, you situated yourself on the bed with your hands gripping the skirt of your kimono. 

“You still have your clothes on?” You could hear the disappointment from his voice and as you turned to see him his face matched the tone of his voice. His body leaned against the doorframe, his appearance the same as it had been when he had opened the door.

You groaned, “At least try to pretend to not be disappointed.” 

“You preach that speaking the truth is important to your brother but when I do it you draw the line.” He said, referring to the day you had acknowledged his existence for the first time. He sits next to you, leaving a good distance in between, but the scent of his shampoo is so intoxicating that he might as well have been millimeters away.

“For someone who partakes in sex as often as you do, you should know that talking about relatives beforehand is a serious turn-off and not a form of sex talk.” You chastised with no merit to your words.

He looked thoroughly unimpressed by your comment and rebuked it, “We haven’t even started and you’re already questioning my skills.”

The foundation of your knowledge of sex came from sources like porn and Yuki that were classified as the same; dramatized and romanticized. Another source was Toji but the thought of him having been with other women doesn’t entirely sit right with you at the moment. 

“So how do you do this?” You asked, not entirely aware of how to initiate it. 

He loathed verbal communication if it wasn’t necessary. He was a firm believer that people can understand from physical cues alone. Therefore, he used his movements as a response. One of his hands maneuvers its way to the small of your waist, pulling you to where your knees touch. Having you secured where he wanted you, he reached his vacant hand to cup the underside of your jaw and licked his lips before consuming yours. Similarly to the first kiss you shared at the park, it was short and sweet. He pulled away before you could even reciprocate finding your lips searching for him.

He smirked and guided, “We’ll start with this and then we can work your way up to it.” 

Your lips hovering his and the scent of your strawberry chapstick lingering was not going to do it, he had to taste them again. So he did, working his mouth against yours and licking away the temptation of the strawberry chapstick. Unlike the first time, you had managed to catch on faster. You situated your hands on his shoulders to stabilize yourself but still felt unsteady. It wasn’t until you threaded your fingers into his hair that you felt secure.

He tugged on your lower lip to gain access but you weren’t one to back down easily. You weren’t the first to deny him and he had learned how to bypass brats like you. With his hand that had still been on the small of your back, he moved it lower to give your ass a quick tap causing you to gasp and for his tongue to claim your mouth.

Trying to win a battle of strength with Toji was a pathetic effort and after what felt like forever but was only a few seconds, you had given up on trying to win. 

“What am I supposed to do?” You whispered in earnest but the delicacy in your voice had translated in his head to something sensual in his ear. He withheld the groan that was threatening to leave his throat and opted to busy himself by placing one of his palms on the underside of your jaw to have you facing him as he brushed pieces of hair from your face. 

He brushed his lips over your own as he spoke breathlessly,  “You don’t gotta do anything, doll.”

He kissed you one final time before descending towards the valley on your neck and collarbones. His impatience waned with each descending kiss he’d leave on your body. Some parts earn attention while other parts yearn for it. The marks he left left him satisfied until he encountered the hemline of your kimono blocking the visage of your breast. 

“Sit up.” He instructed, helping guide you up while also loosening the obi from your waist in the process allowing your body to be exposed for him to see.

He had been complaining about you essentially blue balling him for over a week but he had no intention of having you work. Not tonight. Tonight was all about you and he was going to let you know that. 

Understanding what he was trying to do, you attempted to cover yourself with the fabric with your face flushing in the process. However, your attempt to fall lackluster in execution with your breast is now enhanced by your crossed arms. 

“Don’t just stare.” You muttered, suddenly feeling small – a feeling that did not come naturally to you.

“You’re just s’pretty. Hard not to.” The effects of his praise manifested differently, your upper half illuminating your cheeks in bright pink while the lower half hiding in your core.

Your pose and your expression had him experience a sexual high he had never been able to achieve with any other woman. A sculptor like Brancusi could feel,see, and anatomically understand your body but he could never be able to sculpt it in a manner that remained faithful to your essence. 

He took hold of your clothes and tossed them in the same direction he had your panties. You were fully bare but unlike earlier, you felt a surge of confidence at his dark green eyes morphing away from its former greed hue.

“Come on, now’s not the time to get shy with me.” He laughed before latching his mouth onto your breast bringing out a moan that had yet to be released from you. His tongue lapped, swirled, and tugged on your nipple with expertise while his other hand replicated his tongue's movement effortlessly. You tried covering your mouth in an attempt to muffle the noises that were fighting to come out but Toji took quick notice and moved it to situate back into his terrain of hair..

“I wanna hear those sweet noises of yours, doll. Let them out. You can try covering up how I’m making you feel but I know.” He urged you on before taking the hand that had been toying with your nipple and using one of his fingers to hook onto your panties and move them aside to rub across your slit and in doing so pick up how wet you had become from just from touch. Your lips were sealed shut but your hips bucked against his touch, trying to catch the sensation again. 

Slipping his fingers inside his mouth to suck up you up. He stuck his tongue out to give you a visual of his tongue churning on his finger. Pleased by your reaction, he kissed your lips in reward for your submission, permitting you to taste yourself. He mumbles in between kisses, “Your body makes it so obvious for me.”

“Do something.” You uttered between battered breaths.

He lowered himself between your thighs and raised your legs to rest on either side of his shoulder after he had skillfully taken off your panties in the process, tossing them aside without haste. Coming in contact with your pussy, he breathed haughtily against your folds. You had to have the prettiest pussy he had ever seen. It was dripping and anxiously awaiting his touch but he had to contain himself. 

“Demanding me? To do what exactly?” He used his breath to an advantage, drawing in and out of the vicinity of your pussy but never too close or too far. His antics are the source of the shiver that overtook your body.  

“Touch me.” You said in an obvious tone.

“Where? Here?” He asked coyly, grazing his tongue throughout your inner thigh barely reaching the meeting point of your thigh and your vagina. Deciding to be generous, he presses a kiss onto your swollen clit. You could’ve slapped yourself with the whimper you had let out.

You gritted out in between moans, knowing what he was doing, “Fuck you know where shit, you are such an asshole.” 

He rolled his eyes at the nickname but decided that since it was your first time he should save the edging for another day. 

Without warning, you feel a slow swirl on your clit before he commits to seeking refuge with his lips. He ate you out as if you contained ambrosia and the only way to fully attain it was by ruining you.

“You’ve got such a pretty clit, doll. Looks so cute and swollen.” He teased as he swirled a finger over it before giving it a little tug. You glanced down to see his hungry eyes drawn to your panting and moaning figure. You quickly looked away and he retracted his fingers from your clit at the same time. You whined out at the loss.

“Eyes on me.” 

You couldn’t find yourself to disobey. 

“Want you to remember this.” You heard him whisper in between sucks as he descended again. Occasionally he would groan into your cunt shocking you closer to an orgasm. The bed sheets weren’t even a contender for places to latch on. Your eyes were only on Toji. It was an automatic response to thread your fingers through his hair and guide his head closer to you. 

His name is left broken on your lips while your orgasm is on his. He gave you a second to compose yourself before asking, “Think you can handle more?”

More? Before you could ask, you had your words caught in your throat.

“All that from just my mouth.” He lapped up everything that had been seeping out of you. “Need to prep you before you take the whole thing. Wanna see how much you can take when I add one in.” He murmurs to himself more than to you. 

“Inflating your ego during sex, you’re such- fuck Toji!”  You cut yourself off at his finger slotting inside your cunt without any resistance or warning. 

“So loose. I’m sure you can take one more.” He mumbled against your ear.

He pumped in and out while his mouth met yours allowing you to taste yourself. Originally the thought had repulsed you but with the assaults on your cunt and an impending second orgasm, you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. The kiss was sloppy. You would break away each time his fingers hit the right spot. 

Toji was right. Sex was a stress reliever. You couldn’t think of the documents on your desk that you needed to sign, missions that you had lined up for the week, or the brunch your mother had asked you to attend. That damn brunch was the least of your concerns. None of that mattered, not with how his fingers were slamming in and out of you at an inhuman pace that no other man could achieve. 

You felt that you were close but so did he. His lips left yours at the same time his fingers did and you anxiously anticipated their return but they never came. You turned to face him but noticed him get up off the bed.

“Why’d you stop?” You asked panting, lifting yourself using your elbows. Had you done something wrong? Before you could ask, he lifted a hand signaling you to remain still.

“Like I said, I was prepping you. Want you to cum on something else.” He informed, swiftly removing his remaining clothes leaving him fully nude.

Your imagination didn’t do it justice. At this point, nothing you had envisioned this to go to had been beyond your comprehension. That night at the pond was proving to be a preview. You had no dicks for reference to go off but based on the assumption you knew he was beyond average in girth and length. It had to be his Heavenly Pact at work because no normal human would be able to have been blessed like that.

“Are you ready? We can stop.” He asked with a kindness you had never thought was possible from a mercenary. His eyes remind you of an exploding nebula. You had never seen that sort of emotion from him in all your years of knowing him. 

Momentarily shocked you stared gapingly at him and you shook your head.

“I want you.” You softly whispered, though it had sounded different in your head.Not given enough time to backtrack on the implications, your body had already been lifted and settled onto a few pillows with your back against the headboard of his bed. 

Those were the words he imagined you saying when he’d touch himself to the thought of you. When he needed something to get him off while he was with a woman who wasn’t doing it for him.

Staring at your figure, you were stunning. Pieces of your white hair sticking to your body due to the sweat that could mimic a blizzard. Your boobs moving to an unsteady and erratic rhythm, Your thighs rubbing against each other to release tension, Then those eyes of yours that might as well have been the six-eyes with how alluring they were, tempting him to dare to ruin you, taint you, take you.

“What.” You mumble, suddenly the confidence you had felt earlier converting into self-conscious.

He places his thighs on either side of your legs, hovering over you before closing in on your face. “Been waiting years for you to admit that. Give me some time to soak it in.” He breathes, stealing another breathtaking kiss.

“I’m here now. Do what you want.” Your words draw out when he departs from the kiss. 

He shook his head while he fluttered his lips against your jaw, “You’re not ready for what I want. You’d fall right apart.”

Your left arm latched onto his shoulder to keep him close and hummed at his words.

“Try me.”

You felt the chuckle he let out on your collarbone, “You don’t ride a stallion without riding a mule first.”

“You do if you dare to try.” 

He stopped his advances and again laughed at your audacity before snaking a hand behind you to give your ass a playful tap.

“Offering to ride me? I’m sure you could but that’s gonna have to be another day.” He promised and you were inclined to believe without any further information.

You weren’t thinking. You couldn’t think knowing that his dick was so close but so far away. That you were about to lose it to Toji, the man who has been in your life for as long as you’ve been sentient. 

He must’ve sensed your nerves because he smiled–not one of those condescending Zenin smiles– but a smile that was unique to Toji.

“I got you.” He assured you with words but his green eyes were the first thing to register in your mind. 

He reached to the side of his nightstand and unwrapped the condom wrapper. He saw you watching with curious eyes.

“Wanna put it on?” He asked and you could only nod as he handed over to you. 

It seemed pretty straightforward. All you had to do was slip it on him. As you were about to make contact with his dick was when you realized what you were doing but let the thoughts die out. As you slipped it on fully, you let your fingers graze the part of his dick that wasn’t covered by the condom out of curiosity. His hand caught your wrist and you thought you did something wrong.

“Not today.” He tried to remain assertive but his wavering voice begged to differ. However, you didn’t notice.

“I’m going to put it in.” He said and you nodded. When he did you could only describe the sensation as foreign – more foreign than a kiss but not unwelcome— and you felt that you’d never hold leverage over him again.

This was too intimate. He was handling you with the care of a flower. Ironic, given how he went about tending your garden. You had hardly been allowed to do anything because he wouldn’t let you. He was partly in, with a little more than half of his dick inside of you, inching in slowly so as to not overwhelm you. 

“You can move.” 

“With pleasure.” He started off slow like he did when he first put it in – in the haze of your impatience you’d consider it a snail's pace– however, the way he rolled his hips into yours to make up for it. You observed as his eyes found a new fixation on his dick disappearing into your cunt. No matter how he tried to make up for it, you needed more and you were passed not wanting to beg.

“Faster, you can go faster.” You encouraged and he didn’t need to be told twice. He wrapped your legs around his waist and the angle immediately caused a knot to form in your stomach. The snail's pace was overtaken by a speed that you could compare to a jackrabbit. Your jaw lolled and began moaning and yelling profanities mixed in with his name that hazed out in your head to sound the same. It must’ve been a mantra because he joined in too.

“You’re doin’ so fuckin good, pretty girl. Takin’ it so well.” He praised before groaning out your name causing you to clench around him involuntarily. 

“Fu-uck you’re killing me here, doll. How does it feel getting ruined by me.” He growled, drawing out of you before ramming back into your cunt. The crescendo of your bodies resonating through the walls. 

“S’good! S’good!” He laughed at how gone you were. You were his dream incarnate. As he pushed into you, he let the thought of the long wait you put him through be worth it.

He kissed you, branding your hips with his hands and using the momentum to rut further into you, as he said, “Want to feel you cum. I know you got one more in ya, pretty.”  In such a short amount of time, he had already memorized your body’s cues.

You gasped at the increase in pace and knew that you would be reaching the end soon.

“To-oh-ji! Toji! Toji! Fuuh-uck!” You had officially lost all sense. Your hips rutted into his, a failed attempt at matching his pace. 

His mouth latched onto your boob, sucking harshing on your nipple, and occasionally biting onto it. Rather than giving your other boob the same attention, his other hand traveled into your valley and made a home abusing your clit that was pulsing from the overstimulation.

“I’m close.” You warned and his actions weren’t what unraveled you. It was his words.

Unlatching from your boob, he smirked against your lips, “You're there, baby. Let go.” 

His blinds were closed all the way, not allowing a speck of light to permeate through the bedroom but you were seeing stars. You may have seen Cassiopeia amongst them all. 

His mouth caught your moans but his pace didn’t relent just yet. His movements were not as precise as they had been, stuttering between strokes, and he had begun to be vocal. He was near his end and you had to repay him for his work by clenching around his dick and tugging at his hair. 

He rammed into your cunt one final time before you felt his cum spurt inside you. This is by far the most he had cum in– no, he had never cum this much before. His body fell slack onto yours and for a while, all you felt was your chest beat in unison. He stayed inside you for a while and when he did eventually take it out, you felt your cunt clench on air at the loss.

He tossed the condom into the nearby trash can and let himself fall beside yours. It was awkward for a while but you knew that you needed to leave. You started to get up from the bed, preparing to find your clothes that had been scattered throughout the room, his hand lying on top.

Turning to face him, you saw his pose embodied a sculpture of Hercules to a tee– naked with his sheet draping over the parts you had met a few minutes prior. 

“You don’t have to leave” If you didn’t know any better you could confuse his tone with his pleading.

“It’s already so late and my driver will definitely grow suspicious if I don’t return home tonight.”

“You had a driver bring you here?” He asked unimpressed. For someone as calculated as you, the rookie mistake of having a driver bring you here was laughable.

“How else would I get here? You didn’t necessarily offer me a ride.” You reminded him while you found your phone and texted your driver 

“No but you did.” He smirked and you felt your cheeks heat up.

“Consider the offer off the table.” Though it was a threat, he found the pout etched on your face too cute to hold your threat at a value. 

You made your way out of the apartment complex to see your driver waiting for you. 

“I surmise the meeting went well.” Your driver asked as he opened the door for you. 

Meeting? What meeting? Oh, that.

Clearing your throat, you ascertain, “I don’t believe those matters concern you.”

“R-Right, my apologies ma’am.” He stuttered out. Once you had entered the car, he dashed towards the driver's seat. You saw him stumble over his feet and wipe a few nervous sweat beads from his forehead before entering the car himself. 

Your hand was hovering over the privacy divider button when he spoke again.

“Your mother asked me to remind you of the brunch you have tomorrow with your father.” 

Your heart froze.

“Noted. Can we get going now? I’d like to wake up on time tomorrow.” You assumed he had replied after but could never know for certain because you had already drawn the divider up.

Staring out of the window you notice a light turned on inside of the apartment and a shadow briefly before it was overtaken by the bustling streets of Shinjuku.

It was odd to stare at the stars knowing how they felt for the first time.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: sorry for the two month break! honestly had a lot of trouble writing this chapter. I've never written smut before so I hope I was able to do the genre and toji justice. Also, after seeing Toji in the anime recently (do not speak to me about the Megumi scene or I will cry) felt like I missed writing about my man.

italicized references:

cassiopeia: a queen in ancient Greek mythology and constellation.

hyssop and heliotrope: flowers

tag list:

@cococola-cocaine @justtnat @softvgold @missroro

comment to let me know if you want to join the tag list for future updates!

make sure to reblog, like, and comment! they really help me know what you guys like and don't like!

Magnum Opus | phantom reunions

characters: ex!eren x reader, husband!levi x reader

summary: Insomnia and nicotine can cause a lot of mental hiccups but neither of you believed this one to be in relation to that.

tags: angst, fluff, eren finally shows up (kinda ??), a slice of life, children, parenthood, grief/mourning, these kids ain't giving reader a break, justice for hange.

“Hange stop holding onto the fence like that. You’re creeping people out.” You lectured the adult as you leaned your back against a nearby wall, while one of your hands held onto the handle of Amos’s stroller. Your other hand was being used as a makeshift fan as January’s weather was erratic with it only getting used to the divergence of climate. Today is a testament to its troubles with the heat being overbearing. Living close to the school, Hange suggested walking instead of using your car as transportation. – “Gas emissions are one of the leading causes of climate change.” 

Reluctantly they retracted their hands from the wire, demeanor going slack at the fact they no longer could stand guard. Keeping your words in mind, they let their eyes wander the vicinity to see that people were indeed staring not at them but at you.

“I’d say that I’m not the object of interest here.” They muttered, side-eying all of the individuals that were bold enough to make their gazes on you known. Many people were attracted to you like a moth to a flame based on Hange’s analysis. Never had you taken their words for a fact as you simply believed they were trying to boost your ego. 

Deciding to let you be ignorant on the matter, they frowned,  “Excuse me for being a concerned guardian.”

In your case, you had not heard their first comment nor acknowledged the gazes not because you were ignorant of the matter but because you simply weren’t interested. You felt your eyes automatically roll at their excuse. “This is an elementary school, not some sort of underground fight club.”

“That’s what they all say.” They exasperated before crouching down to come to eye level with Amos, who was previously aimlessly observing the other people waiting. Noticing a big shadow overtaking the sun, the child smiles seeing their godparent. They poked Amos’s pudgy cheeks, trying to coerce him to agree with their antics. “Isn’t that right baby? This is just some big fight club and Han-Han isn’t crazy.” 

His eyes crinkled while his mouth drew outwards, nodding his head in agreement as he chirped, “Yeah!”

The artist who had drawn the adorable illustrated smile on your son had now drawn the same design on themselves  — be it not adorable but still the same design prompt, you watched their eyes switch up towards your sitting form. “Why can’t you be more like your son? He understands the vision.”

“Wanna change my diaper, Han-Han?” You spoke with a babyish cadence, inching closer to their face. 

No one batted an eye at your words, probably believing you were mimicking your child in the stroller. However, Hange knew that simply was not the case. Having been with a man such as Levi for so long, you’ve adapted his personality’s tang to be your own. You were given the package deal that included his crude humor. 

They recoiled at the mental image you graciously painted for them while they pursed their lips. Placing their hands on their knees for support, they become eye level with you. “Your humor disgusts me. I hope you know that.”

“Gotta make life interesting for you somehow.” You teased, grinning from receiving the reaction you wanted. It had only grown in length when you heard a little giggle coming from inside the stroller. Bending to the side you were welcomed with your cheerful child erupting in a gibberish tangent with the only word deciphered from it being, ”Up! Up!” 

Unlatching the buckles in his stroller, you pull him towards you, cradling him in your arms you use an arm to shove the now empty stroller towards Hange, who didn't make much of an effort to refuse it as they were minimally shocked by the betrayal of their old accomplice.

“Why can’t you be more like your godson? He understands the joke.” You mocked and before they could even utter a response the sound of the school bell rang throughout the campus accompanied by the boisterous bustle of children eager to leave. 

The loud noise was not welcomed by Amos as he almost immediately began to wail. You had made the mistake of not bringing his headphones and now had to deal with the consequences. A stream of tears flowed through his tear ducts and partially made his steely eyes look foggy. You learned to not panic in these situations as it would only add to his own overwhelmed state. Instead, you would reassure him that there was nothing to fear and pull him closer to your body to let him know that you were there. It did indeed calm him down as he was now reduced to sniffles. 

Lifting your eyes towards the influx of elementary school students, your eyes brighten seeing your two children walk hand in hand, both of their eyes frantically trying to find your silhouette amongst the crowd. Tapping on Amos’s cheeks you point a finger in their direction and whisper in his ear, “Look over there, it’s bubba and sissy.” 

His clouded eyes followed your finger in a rather skeptical manner. His vision was slightly obscured but he could easily decipher the hazy silhouettes of his sibling. Rubbing the tears from his face, he cleared his vision and using all the vocal power he called out for his siblings in glee. 

Meanwhile, Hange had begun a search of their own with their hand being used as a visor of sorts with their index fingers pressed up against their eyebrows as their eyes had zeroed in on the crowd and found their targets. To be fully immersed in their search, they had yet to notice that you had spotted them first. Believing their running figures to be directed towards them and confusing their excited voices chanting “Mama! Bubba!” to be other children. Opening up their arms in expectation, they sigh in bliss as they flutter their eyes closed for added effect. 

After a while in their position, they were not met with the graces of tiny arms wrapping around their legs but instead the gushing of air. Peering an eye open they are greeted by the scene they had envisioned for themselves to be realized with you. 

They tried to recover from embarrassment but it was too late. 

With a judging stare, Iris pokes her head out of your legs and points towards the adult. “Han-Han, why are you standing like that? You look weird.” 

Masking their disappointed disposition, they let out a whistle as they covered up their actions in a stretch. “Just taking in the air and letting out a good stretch! You know, gotta be ready for the walk home.”

“You’re getting old, Hange! If you stretch too much you might break a bone. We learned that in class today. Right, Iris?” He turned to his sister who nodded in agreement. “Be careful.”

Children are easy to deceive and take everything for face value. They don’t know better and have yet to understand that they shouldn’t trust what everyone says. Most children do, at least. Whether you or Levi had some sort of special intellectual gene that was then passed on to your children was beyond them. Since they were kids, they wanted to believe that they were genuine in their concerns. However, as your kids, they couldn’t wholeheartedly believe that to be true. 

Their jaw slacked with the inclusion of a twitching eye, staring incredulously at the twins. Shifting their eyes upwards they see you with your head turned away from them and lips suctioned inwards in hopes of not bursting out in laughter. 

“Hey! Your mom and I aren’t that different in age!” They retorted back, highly offended at the fact that they were the only ones being discriminated against.

“I’m not the one pushing 30.”

“Why you-”

“Ah ah ah, I am sensing some inappropriate words. Best not continue that sentence in front of the kiddos.”

“Let’s just go.” They grumbled out as they began to walk away but were stopped by some forceful tugs on the trench coat. Glancing down they see Ace and Iris wearing apologetic expressions. “We’re sorry, Hange.”

“You are lucky you guys are cute.” They cooed, hugging them tightly. It was visible to anyone that they were losing oxygen during the whole interaction.

Your family dynamic was unique and to many unconventional with no longer having the leading male role that was to be seen in most depictions of familial dynamics. In your family, there was no need for that role to be filled by anyone. Scratch that, no one was worthy of filling the role anymore. It belonged to one person and solely one person. 

Even now as you walked through your neighborhood with the many unwanted stares being set on you and you alone. A few had the looks to make a woman swoon with just a glance and others didn’t have the same impact but weren’t that unsettling on the eyes. 

None of them amounted to him. No man ever will in your eyes. That’s what you believed to be true and in your mind, it was speculated to be factual. 

Aside from your hyper-awareness of the looks, the walk home was tranquil. Listening to Iris and Ace make the occasional comment about their surroundings while you and Hange would chime in and let them know what things were. Even with the lively sounds of cars passing and pedestrians talking, Amos didn’t seem too bothered by it as slumber overtook him. 

You and Hange had tried prying into their school day but to no avail. They claimed that the information was top secret and that people could be listening in. All you could do was play along with their silliness and await for the classified information to be revealed at home. Which they abided by, shoving you and Hange inside your home as soon as you had unlocked the door – gently taking the stroller away from you and slowly pulling inside to not wake their baby brother.

“What are you-” You had started but were soon shushed, being pushed further inside, specifically into your living room.  You both were ushered to the brown sectional couch that you had brought with you from the old house. It was one of the nicer items in your abode and your children knew this as they instructed you both to brush off any outside residue before taking your seat.

“What's the meaning of all this?” You ask with concern etched in your voice. The last thing you needed to hear was that your children were being mistreated by other kids at school. 

The twins gave each other knowing grins before reaching into their backpacks to pull out what seemed to be flyers. They gave you each one and as soon as you saw the title of it your heartbeat stagnated.

Dr.Yeager Presentation

On Wednesday, January 22nd

In the Shiganshina Elementary Gymnasium

@12:30pm

Ignorance was truly bliss as your children did not catch on to your desolate demeanor, taking your silence as you pondered on a decision. The surname that used to haunt you was now printed in bolded letters on a flyer. The flyer didn’t have any indications that it would be him either aside from sharing the same last name. You didn’t want to jump to conclusions and assume that it was the same person. In the years, you didn’t care enough to know about what career path he had chosen to pursue. Hell, you had no idea whether he was still in Shiganshina or not. 

A clap resonated within the living room walls, taking your attention off of the flyer and onto your enthusiastic son. 

“We want to go! We heard Dr. Yeager is a really good doctor and has done a lot of cool things! I want to be just like him!” Ace passionately proclaimed with his chest puffed out and an award-winning smile.

“I wanna ask him about dissecting!”, Iris added in a dreamlike state of mind, which left you a little worried and Hange oozing with pride. You didn’t have the heart to tell her that not all doctors “dissect” and let her live on her fantasy. 

“I say we let them! Enabling curiosity and building interests is good for them at this age.” They remind you, as a matter of fact. 

Staring a good while at the flyer, you nod your head following their claims. “I don’t see a problem with you guys going. It’s going to be after school so I’ll try to get off of work early and like Hange said this would be good for you guys.”

For the sake of your children’s happiness, biting the bullet was all you could do. Nevertheless, if it turned out to be him that could serve as a sign that he has changed.

Their steely eyes shined with excitement, their mouths beginning to open to vocalize their feelings but were silenced by you placing a finger on your lips, pointing to the dormant baby in the stroller. They nodded their heads and mumbled an apology.

You let out a chuckle at their actions and were going to speak but felt a pair of eyes on you. You see Hange tilt their head before giving a knowing gaze. 

Without the unvocalized reminder, you would’ve completely forgotten the commitment Hange had roped you into. You had almost allowed for a frown to graze its way on your face at the revelation but bit your inner cheek instead.

“We have some exciting news too.” Hange began and just when you thought they were going to take the reins on telling the kids the news, you felt an elbow nudge your side and a cough signaling you that would not be the case. You would’ve glared if the kids weren’t there.

“We’re going to the park and then afterward we’re going to go meet up with some of my old friends from high school for dinner.” You explained feeling rather awkward announcing the plans for the evening. Not wanting to worry them about your true sentiments about the situation, you concocted a faux smile to replace your rather dim expression. 

The excitement that they had previously felt had not diminished in the slightest, it had actually been amplified. They were jumping up and down in a circle as they held hands. You had checked off every excitable thing there was to them; Getting permission to go to the presentation and getting to spend time with you.

They threw themselves onto you as they welcomed you with a tight hug, peppering your face with long-lasting kisses. You made no effort to stop them as you enveloped your arms around their waists and pulled them closer to you.

Hange watched the interaction with sympathetic eyes, knowing and experiencing all that the family had gone through in the last couple of months. This allowed them to rest easy knowing that once they returned to Marley in a few days you guys would be fine and even if you weren’t, they were just a phone call away.

Taking one look at the watch on their wrist, they knew that they would have to cut this moment short for the sake of time – not because they felt left out at all, that would be petty. Clearing their throat, they let their voice be the bearer of unfortunate news. “Alright, Alright that’s enough kissing for today. We aren’t going until later so if you don’t want your mom to change her mind you guys have to finish your homework first.”

Just as quickly as they were to embrace you, they were equally as efficient to get off of you. Picking up their respective backpacks and rushing toward their bedrooms. Hearing the clicks of their doors shut, you slumped into the sofa with an exhale leaving your nose. 

“I think I’m going to take a nap. Wake me before it’s time to go.”

“You got it, boss.” You imagined they had saluted but you wouldn’t truly know as your eyes were shut closed and your mind had already begun to drift further from reality and into the abyss.

In recent months, your need to sleep has depleted. You never had sleep-related issues before and the running joke in your friend group was to compare you to a sloth with how frequently you’d craved to be asleep. When you dream you get transported to unrealistic situations where they can either be so realistic you believe them to be foretold prophecies or so far-fetched that you would make it the topic of conversation with your friends. With the passing of Levi, you didn’t get either. You wouldn’t dream at all. Rather you would be transported to a black void that made your mind wander for all the wrong reasons. Not to say the sleep you were receiving now was an improvement of that but you certainly stayed asleep far longer than you usually had.

What felt to be millennia was just short of four hours of uninterrupted sleep. It could have been longer if not for Hange sticking true to their word and shrugging you awake. 

“The kids are ready. We’re just waiting on you now.” They informed you as you nodded in response with addition of a yawn. 

You outstretched your limbs, hearing every bone crack in a satisfying way from the less-than-comfortable position you had slept in. “Let me freshen up and we can start heading out.” You groggled out as you rubbed your eyes, pushing yourself off of the couch to go towards the bathroom.

“Make sure to change your shirt! You got saliva stains all over it!” They called out from their position in the living room. Glancing down at your white shirt, you grimaced at the sight and rerouted yourself to your bedroom. You could hear their laugh slowly die out the closer to your bedroom you got. 

Entering the bleak room, you make your way to your closet. For being a walk-in, the lack of clothes made it look bigger than it was. A large portion of your clothes you had donated to a women's homeless shelter as a lot of your clothes no longer fit or you simply had no use for them. 

Rummaging through the minimal selection of clothes in your closet for an appropriate outfit had proven to be difficult as you began to overthink. Was this a casual event? Did you have to dress up? Did you want them to know that you tried to dress up? As you let your worries take up your mind, you failed to hear small footsteps enter your bedroom.

It wasn’t until they let themselves be known via vocalization that you had awakened from your trance. Turning behind you to meet the owner of the voice, you almost let a wail slip out of you.

In front of you was Iris. Her long raven hair was pulled into two separate low ponytails that had been tied with baby blue satin ribbons which granted her face to be showcased. 

If it was her beauty that moved you close to tears then you would be crying every single day at having such a blessing. However, the object of your near-close wails was not that. It was the dress she wore.

It was a prairie girl-esque style dress that was also blue but in a slightly lighter shade than the ribbons adorning her hair. A jewel-shaped lace neckline that had hearts spaced out every so inch thanks to the lace. Chiffon ruffles were seen going down the upper half of her body ending right at the end of the waistline that flowed out to be more chiffon. The ruffles were also orchestrated at the end of the sleeves, not overbearingly but in a simplistic way. The main focus points of the dress to a designer were its use of chiffon, the ruffles, and the color. To you, it was more than that.

“Do you need help, Mama?” She asked, not quite noticing your gaze on her dress as her eyes were looking straight past you and into your closet. “Han-Han told me to come help you.”

Not receiving a response she sees you eyeing her attire. “This is Papa’s favorite dress on me. He says I look like a pretty flower.” She explained bashful of her confession. Shifting with the balls of her feet, she muttered, “I want Mama’s friends to think I look like a pretty flower, too.”

You smiled at her explanation, brushing a few out-of-place hairs off her face before planting a delicate kiss on her forehead. “You do. You look like an Iris.” 

Your daughter’s cheeks faintly colored with a muted pink at the compliment. The urge to shower her with more affection was strong. Trying to relieve her embarrassment, she intertwines her hand in yours, pivoting you both in the direction of your closet. She grinned at your frowning expression. 

“If I’m a pretty flower then you have to be the prettiest!” She declared as she began to wreak havoc in your closet, tossing clothes she deemed to be ill-fitting for today's occasion across the room. You made no effort to stop her and sat on your bed expectantly. The possibility of her coming out with an atrocious outfit was slim. For being only six, she had a great eye for fashion. However, you were aware there weren’t many clothes she had to work with making the otherwise slim chance increase.

“Done!” 

Suddenly, articles of clothing are thrown directly at your face knocking you onto your bed. Peeling the article of clothing that had been obscuring your vision off of your face, you are pleasantly surprised by the selection. You had never been keen on wearing dresses feeling like they were a bit inconvenient with a lot of them not having pockets and the incessant fear that you’ll end up flashing someone. Albeit, this selection didn’t bother you at all.

It was a black short-sleeved bodycon that you hadn’t worn in years.  It has a mock neckline and was made of a ribbed knit material that ended mid-thigh. You never really had plans on ever using it, almost entirely forgetting it was even something you owned. In accompaniment with it was a neutral-colored plaid trench overcoat, it was endearing how considerate she was of your comfort. 

It wasn’t as intricate or showy as Iris’s outfit — in all honesty you didn’t believe anything ever could. The simplicity of the outfit and the mutable colors weren’t going to make you the talk of the discussion. As long as the muse – you – wore it that was all that mattered. It seems like what Iris meant wasn’t so much that you would be the prettiest – which you would regardless– but something that made you feel the way she saw you.

Looking in the mirror with the outfit on, you certainly did feel like a pretty flower. She permitted you the liberty of choosing accessories and footwear. A dainty gold necklace with your initials dangling as charms that were gifted to you on your first wedding anniversary by Levi and other miscellaneous jewelry that would compliment it. For footwear, you would’ve preferred to wear a casual white tennis shoe but were urged to go for a nude suede ribbon-laced heel by your persistent daughter. 

You were slightly nervous that you may look overdressed for the occasion which in turn made you not put much effort in was your hair or your face, deciding to go natural all around with the only product to grace your face being lip balm. 

“Good job, sweetie.” You praised. Letting her relish in her work and clapping in approval.

“You’re ready!” Not wanting to waste any more time, she pulls you out of your bedroom and into the living room where everyone else had been waiting for you. 

Hearing the sound of footsteps you hear Hange let out an exasperated sigh as they began their series of complaints. “Finally! How long does it-“

Seeing you now, they answered their question. Grinning from ear to ear, placing their hands on their hips as they whistled, “Look at you! Give us a twirl!”

You wanted to refuse but it looked like this was a group collective as Iris and Ace joined in.

“Twirl! Twirl! Twirl!” 

Rolling your eyes, you do as told. Crossing your feet one foot over the other to offer them all a lackluster twirl, not that they minded because they all still managed to dote on you. – “You look beautiful, mama!” “I think she looks the beautifulest!” “That’s not a word!”  "Is too!" “Who knew you had a body!”

Letting them all continue their compliments, you look over at Ace and Amos to see what they were wearing. It was a given that no one would be able to top Iris’s look today. It was to be expected in the family. However, that didn’t mean that they looked any less adorable. 

Ace was never one to care for how he looks. He’d grown accustomed to mimicking the outfits his father used to wear when they’d go out and had forgotten how to construct an outfit for himself. You assumed that Hange aided in picking an outfit since the clothes he wore were not even close to his normal graphic t-shirt and jeans he’d wear. A cream-colored jacket that had fur lining over the top of a plain white t-shirt and light-washed denim jeans. He seemed to get the memo since his usual hairstyle remained the same — a simple middle part.

On the other hand, Amos was wearing a white long sleeve that had a side pocket and three brown buttons coming down from the neckline. The same shade that was on the buttons translated into his cargo pants. To keep his head warm, he had an army green beanie that had an accent brown with the brand's name/logo. 

“You guys look so handsome!” You enthusiastically say, ruffling their hair resulting in them both, by choice nuzzling themselves into your hands. Looking up at Hange, who was holding Amos, you nod your head in acknowledgment. 

They were wearing the same clothes they had worn to pick up the kids. A white button-down that was peaking through their black vest, a navy green leather trench coat, and high-waisted white jeans that weren’t completely visible with their knee-high black boots. Their brunette hair was pulled back in the usual half-do bun with their bangs splitting to their respective sides as they slightly covered their eye-patched eye and their correctional lenses.

“And you look alright.” You passively remark. You walk past them and through the front door as they all follow close behind.

“Admitting that I look good isn’t that hard, ya know! Give me something to boast my ego a little!”

Luckily for all of you, using a car for transportation was needed. Both the park and Perko’s were too far to be considered a walking distance. Even with such knowledge, Hange was insistent that you all walk. You were all for the environment but if saving the environment meant walking across the town, the environment be damned. —- “If that’s what you want, be my guest. See you in 4-5 business days.”

In record time, they had buckled in the kids and had their foot on the gas. Given that the car was an older model and children were present, you would have to reprimand them at times for their reckless driving. You couldn’t stay all that mad since you had managed to reach your destination in one piece. 

From inside the car, you could see not many people or not any people at all were at the park. It was a school night and if people would’ve come to this park it would’ve been earlier since it was an early release day for all the elementary in the district. The kids didn’t have an issue with that. Claiming that there were more things to do and no playground showdowns. 

You had been prepared to play with the kids. You had not been prepared to play with the kids with heels on. Even with the feeling of blisters forming on your feet, you didn’t let it affect the quality time you wanted to have with your kids. Well, for a little bit, it didn’t.

“You guys are so fast.” You panted, gripping your knees to catch your breath while staring at the bark at your feet. It happened to go on deaf ears because when you went to look at them they were already playing on the monkey bars. 

Feeling a tap on your shoulder, you see a smug Hange holding out water with Amos clutching onto their hand attempting to stand by himself.

”I know those heels are killing you. Go sit on the bench. I’ll keep them company.” They suggested as they pointed to an unoccupied bench nearby. Grabbing the water you chug it down and breathe out a sigh of contentment while tossing the bottle into a nearby bin.

“I’m fine. I can manage.” You tried to reassure them but just so happened to prove their point by walking away with a stutter in your step. 

“I’m fine, my ass.” You heard them mutter out. Reaching your defeated figure, they spun you away from them and towards the bench. You shrug your coat off and allow it to shelter your legs from the breeze as you sit. Pulling out your phone from your coat pocket to check the time you notice that it was nearing six. 

Being left alone to your own devices, the overwhelming feeling of nausea overtook your senses. You were going to see your past in less than an hour. Never in a million years would you think of returning to Shiganshina. Much less reunite with any of your old friends.

To those that care, nothing dramatic caused this situation to be of this caliber. There was no “Big Fight”, no sides were being chosen after your break up with Eren, and there was ultimately nothing. On their ends, at the very most.

The one culpable was you. 

Eighteen-year-old, searching for independence and a new life, you. The consequences of your actions. You had brought this upon yourself. Cutting them all off in preparation for your new life and not having attachments to the past. The subpar decent thing you had done was invite them to your wedding.

Were they going to treat you the same? Were they going to treat this as an intervention? Do all of them know you’re coming?

More importantly, what would be your response to any of it?

Looking up ahead, you permit your thoughts to die out. Lifting your phone in landscape mode, you start recording the scene in front of you. The screen displayed a stressed-out Hange alternating between pushing each kid on the swings. Wanting each individual to shine, you would zoom in periodically on a specific person. You could only hope that the audio could catch their dialogue. —  “ Higher!” “I’m trying here!” “Try harder!” “Any higher and you’re reaching heaven, kid!”

A ghost of a smile weaseled its way onto your face. You liked capturing every moment you could of your life. That's how you knew a photography career would suit you well. Something about being the one responsible for capturing memories, being put in a spot where you need to capture the perfect moment, excites you. Sticking to being a wallflower instead of the centerpiece was comforting. You didn’t need to meet expectations and could do your sort of thing.

From afar you hear a voice, one that speaks your name with wonder. Too faint to be caught on camera but loud enough to be caught by your ear. The usage of your name aside, it was the voice that rendered you in a short-lived shock.

Raising your head in the enigmas direction, you’re met with nothing but a couple of fallen leaves swirling away with the wind. 

“Whatcha looking for?” Hange asked, scanning the baron park along with you. Judging by their worn-out faces and rumbling stomachs, you knew they were ready to leave. 

Not wanting to worry them, you shake your head, “Nothing, I just thought I heard something.”

“Insomnia must be hitting ya. It was most likely just the wind. I wouldn’t worry too much about it.” 

“I guess you’re right.” You reason, lifting yourself off the bench with your coat draping over your forearm.  A tug on your dress causes your eyes to travel down to see Ace. He must’ve caught on to your worrisome countenance.

“I’m here, mama. You don’t need to worry. I’ll protect all of us.” He spoke with resolve. Thinking that was the end of his declaration, you were ready to thank him for his thoughtfulness. He caught you off guard when he spoke yet again. 

“Just like Papa always does!”

That would make it the second time today you were on the brink of releasing a monsoon at your child's words. As if they had agreed upon reducing your mind to mush and letting the only solid aspect remain to be nostalgia and longing.

They say kids mimic their parents and adapt to their mannerisms. That belief would seem to apply to your children making everything about Levi. To an extent, that was true. Beyond that, They were kids in denial. Kids who loved their dad and made sure everyone knew. Kids who held onto their father's existence with desperation like their mom. 

“Just like your papa does.” You affectionately recite back in a soft voice, you lean down and let him kiss your cheek. Searching farther ahead, you can see that everyone else was nearing the car. “Come on, if we aren’t fast enough they’ll leave us behind. Means there will be no delicious food for us.”

A downfall of being a wallflower was while being in your world, you sometimes fail your duty as a wallflower. You had caught the eye of a man entering the park. He intended to defuse any tension or stress he had accumulated throughout the workday. A cigarette between his lips, a doctor's coat that you would think would hide his body only enhanced it, and tousled brunette hair. He looked like he needed this escape. 

Little did you know you had just tarnished any hope of him doing so with your presence alone.

At first, he believed the nicotine was fogging up his head and the added stress further worsened his cognitive thinking skills. He thought you were a phantom. In a way, that remained to be his general thoughts on the situation since the you that was a few feet away from him differed from the you from a decade ago. You were no longer a flower bud that had a crowd of spectators anticipating which kind of flower you’d bloom into. Matter of fact, it was hard to even place the title of Wallflower on you because you were far from it. 

A nurtured wallflower turned the centerpiece of a pleasing bouquet.

He had observed how your fingers would pinch into your phone screen, your hands tilting occasionally to capture different angles, and making the conscious decision to not acknowledge the eye-piercing piece of jewelry on your ringer finger.  He ignored it with such confidence that his legs began to walk towards you out of their own accord. Painting this to be a predestined reunion of sorts. The nicotine was surely causing his senses to malfunction. That’s what he deduced it to be.

Along with his other delusional assumptions, he had avoided labeling the children on the playground to be of personal importance. He had written them off as kids you were babysitting and the adult holding the baby to be a friend you had roped into helping – the only assumption he unknowingly had gotten right. Even when he saw the way the kids jumped into your arms. Even when he could see the resemblances between the kids and you. Even when he could audibly hear them call you their mom. He still stuck to his assumptions but with a faltered credence.

Whenever he had whispered your name – primarily for his clarification — it was never his intention for you to hear it. He didn’t realize he was just a foot away from you and that anything he said now was within earshot of you. 

He observed as your content guise was stripped from your face. How the guise had morphed into distress. His jaded eyes trailed over your face, checking out every single maturity it had developed over the years. They stopped on your lips when he saw them move and made note of them before he hid.

The “predestined” reunion he believed he was ready for was stopped out of his own accord. He had good intuition for halting it when he did because it certainly was not the time. He was just impatient. 

Overhearing you deem his mistake for the wind, he sighed out of relief. He and everyone else took your words to be truthful. Deciding to call it a day after making sure you were far enough away to not see him, he left. 

Entirely unaware that even if he had spoken it in the softest of tones, you knew his voice. The voice had a familiar feeling to it but with the monotone undertones and a gruff emphasis being foreign to you, the possibility of you being wrong was there. 

Nevertheless, you become restless when you don’t receive definitive answers. That’s how you witnessed his figure depart from behind the tree. How even staring solely at his fleeting back, you noticed his change in appearance. His brown hair had grown significantly in comparison to what he was working with in high school, now styled in a bun similar to Hange’s. His previous short and lanky physique was taken over by a six-foot stature and a pure muscle frame.

Eren Yeager had been here. 

Whether you were okay with that or not, you didn’t know. 

Whether that would be the last you’d see of him, you were reluctant to admit but were aware that this interaction would delve further than unbeknownst stares. 

Magnum Opus | back to paradis

characters: ex! Eren x reader, husband! Levi x reader

summary:  returning back to your hometown, Paradis, with your children after the loss of your husband you are met with your first love and first heartbreak, Eren Yeager.

tags: character death, character death is Levi, grief/mourning, parenthood, aged up (26-30 yr olds), slow burn, childhood friends to lovers to exes to ?, first love, emotional infidelity, friendship breakups, angst, fluff, eventual smut, mention of abortion (not reader), problematic family

next part

someone’s 𝐌𝐚𝐠𝐧𝐮𝐦 𝐎𝐩𝐮𝐬 is their most important piece of art or literature. Consider this mine. Consider this ours.

signed, anon

Unwarranted thoughts eroded your mental plane as you watched your youngest child, Amos, grow entranced by the robotic blue cat on a used television you had come across at a garage sale a few days prior. The high chair he was sitting on was a hand-me-down from your oldest child, who was currently at school. To be a kid, unaware of life’s tribulations was a dream that was once lived to the fullest extent. 

You sighed at your mind whilst you drank your companion, decaf coffee. It had only adapted to be such in recent months, feeling the constant need to be awake for longer periods. It was alarming to know how many cups you could go through to sustain yourself. Coffee filters compiling on your kitchen counter, but with no real motivation to throw them away, they just stayed.

Having returned to the city of your adolescence now as a full-fledged adult felt oddly unsettling. Moving back to the state of Paradis was the last place you had ever thought of setting foot in again after purposely leaving it all those years ago. Though the reasoning behind that decision is convoluted into a plethora, the paramount was freedom. Having resided there for so long, you had seen it all, had experienced all there was to experience. It was tiring to repeat the same routine. That and other reasons will unravel as time passes. 

A new beginning was what your family needed and you were going to provide that no matter how much discomfort would follow. 

With your homecoming, word spread quickly throughout the 2014 Paradis High alumni forums. Many who graduated in that year had left for college and stayed in their college towns while others pursued their education elsewhere and returned. Your friend group at the time reigned from the latter. 

Sasha: 

Have you thought about it?

[sent 7:15 am]

You are grateful that you had turned off your read receipts for your messages because as soon as you read the message you made no effort in responding. They had been contacting you for a few days now via text messages and for a while, you responded. To keep the peace between you all but whenever the idea of hanging out was introduced into the conversation you’d weasel your way out. 

It was not because of a personal grudge you held against any of your old friends, on the contrary, you missed them dearly. However, times have changed and you all are not the same people you used to be. New beginnings are allowed to occur even if you return to the same place. That’s what you convinced yourself to believe. 

Refocusing your attention on the kid show — which had become a guilty pleasure to watch — you that had failed to acknowledge your front door open. 

“I have returned!” A voice rang throughout the hallway leading into the living room. Even if they hadn’t spoken, knowing them for as long as you have, simply the way they had opened the door or the sound of their footsteps would’ve been a key identifier. 

“With decaf coffee as promised! I know, I know! Some may say the best godparent ever!” The entity announced, stepping foot into the living room, completely disregarding that no one was regarding their presence.

After a few moments of silence, with only the tv providing additional noise, they attempted to garner their attention.

“Hello?” They elongated their greeting, waving their free hand frantically to attract some attention but to no avail. They were being bested by a blue robotic cat. Not a first-time occurrence for them but the streak was seriously tarnishing their self-esteem.

Of course, you knew that they were there but watching them glare at the tv screen with such hatred was amusing. These days are hard to find in your life. Walking up to them, you down the coffee you had made for yourself before taking the cup of coffee they had bought for you from their hand and patting them on the shoulder showing your gratitude. Pulling out a seat for yourself at the kitchen table as well as one for them, cueing them to mimic your movements.

Hange Zoe, is a well-known figure in the archeology world, not only for their historical discoveries but for their eccentric personality that you truly will not find anywhere else. An abnormal entity is how you’d describe them, for lack of a better word. Meeting in college through mutual friends and leaving a longstanding impression on one another, it was difficult not to grow together as family friends and the Godparent to all three of your children. They provided your small family with all they needed and have been a huge help in the last couple of months. However, their persistence though it’s commendable can be exasperating at times.

They wanted to reprimand you for not only ignoring them but your coffee intake which was the only fuel you ran on. You looked to be a decaying carcass that was fighting for life. Under eye bags growing darker, your face growing slimmer, and the clothes you wore growing duller. Times, when life seemed to be present within you, were when you were surrounded by your children; with your family. 

“So how was the drive?” You asked as you took a sip from the new coffee cup you had attained. “Anything interesting happen?”

“It was nice. They seem excited about the new school. Ace kept rambling about how he was going to be popular because he does Karate and that automatically makes him popular.” They recount as they lean back into the chair, mimicking a karate chop. “And you know Iris, she can’t let him get an ego before tearing that boy into shreds.” 

Yes, you were a mother of three. A set of six-year-old fraternal twins, Ace — one, unity and Iris — rainbow. With now the addition of your one-year-old son, Amos— to carry. Their names are all derived from foreign words as your late husband was very well-versed and interested in linguistics. To many, three kids seem like a nightmare — at first, it did to you too, but when you got to hold them close to your chest and meet them those worries faded. 

You had children reasonably young with only being 20 when you had the twins. Having your first child at 26 was a socially acceptable age to become a parent– in terms of what others have told you. Using one’s imagination, you could simply picture the terror in your parent's eyes when their then 20-year-old daughter let them know she was pregnant with a set of twins. The scene they played out in your college apartment that night was on par with Shakespeare's plays on dramatics. Even more when they realized that Levi was the one who had knocked you up – ”You let a fuck up like him get you pregnant!” or “You’re aborting them!” or “Those things will not be considered our grandchildren!”

They had apologized relentlessly for how they acted in the past but a part of you was aware that it felt disingenuous. An added reason to the reluctance to move.

Moving back to your hometown, Hange knew your mental state would falter harder than it ever was before. Hearing your children adjusting well to the move warmed your heart and alleviated your worrisome thoughts.

“I’m glad to hear they are adjusting well to the move.” Glancing at the cup you were holding, the ring on your finger was possibly the only luminous thing you did these days. “I wish he was here to see it.”

“Do you think he…” You randomly blurted out but decided to hold back the rest of the words, not wanting to believe what you were saying. The chords that unambiguously wanted to recite the score you had given to them were left with a hand that grazed them but weren’t prepared to perform. A case of stage fright. 

Their eyes narrowed at the piece of jewelry, reminiscing about the person who had given it to them. Enveloping their hands on top of yours, they rubbed your accessorized finger. 

“He would be proud of you guys.”

You remained silent for a moment. Their words were nice for reassurance but you already knew that. You simply wanted to bring him up to remember his existence — the impact he held over your life. Though he was certainly never the type to wear his heart on display, he did for you. That was your late husband, a warmed-hearted individual who was misunderstood by the majority. That was your husband Levi Ackerman. 

Your boyfriend of 8 years, your husband for 4, and the father of your 3 children passed away 5 months ago due to heart disease. His death was unexpected with one day receiving a heart-wrenching phone call informing you of his passing. No time for preparation, no warning signs, no hints - nothing. He left without a word. He said nothing. That’s what hurt most. 

The habit of making him the topic of discussion was rather unknown to you. It was natural for you to do it. Not in the same way that teenage girls would when allowed to talk about the boy they liked. Yours held an innocence that was endearing to witness for those around you. Even so, it had been exactly five months since your husband had left you and no form of help seemed to ease the sorrow. Ignoring that he no longer was there for you spiritually alleviated the sorrow, slightly.

“I wasn’t questioning that because I know him. He was always our biggest supporter. I just wanted to know…” You paused, trying to form words from all the jumbled letters compiling in your head. You were always good at articulating your thoughts. You were a gem when it came to those matters of the mind. With the newborn insomnia you had acquired, you were left a bit unrefined in your usual area of expertise. That and you weren’t prepared to ask the question.

Shaking your head, you remove your hands from theirs. “Nevermind. It seems like I can’t remember what I wanted to say. Let’s talk about something else.”

The eye-patched individual dared open their mouth to maintain the topic but your attention had already gone elsewhere. 

“Oh, I just remembered! The kids should be getting out early today. I can show them around town!” You eagerly exclaimed to your eye-patched friend, who wanted to confront you on the somewhat lie you had pulled. “I think they’ll like that.”

Taking the kids out was genuine, you had been talking to them about a good day to do it for a while. They could pry you all they wanted but you were too stubborn to open up so they chose to ignore it, for now. It was proven useless to unpackage your emotions in their years of being acquainted with you. You procrastinated til the last minute, waiting for all the convoluted issues you have stored away to ambush you at your worst because you believed that’s what you deserved. How far you strayed from the truth.

That’s why the tag along in your subject changes. “That’s a great idea! You can show them all the places you used to go to when you were their age!” 

Like stated before you had recently returned to your hometown, never in the ten years that you were away had you come down to visit. Your parents would usually make the drive to Liberio to visit. They never seemed to complain about it either, probably because it was an excuse to travel out of state. Never did they feel bothered by your lack of visitation over the years, they knew your reasonings and respected them. However, they would make comments about your kids possibly becoming snobs with the high exposure to city living. They weren’t used to the small city. This is exactly what Shiganshina used to be, only within the last year had it begun to make a name for itself with the grand opening of a hospital founded by a local family that you couldn’t remember the name of. 

As a kid, you would be found playing with your friends – such as the previously mentioned Sasha – at the park and creating fantasies on whims. Whether it was action, romance, or horror, it would be fun regardless. Every single fond memory of your childhood had been at that park. Though you wouldn’t admit it, you were happy that you would be able to share that with your children. The city park was the local hotspot for kids. You hoped that the same could be said 20 years later which you made sure to mention to your friend.

“Give yourself credit! You were plenty of fun in college so what’s to say you weren’t an equally as fun kid?” They point out as they scroll through their phone trying to find fun activities to do throughout the day. “Heard through the grapevine that you were really into keg stands.”

“That grapevine of yours might be a little tangled. I can’t recall ever doing such a thing.” You feign innocence, resting your head on your fist.

“The grapevine is very reliable when he is blackout drunk.”

“So it’s Erwin?” They choked on their drink at the name drop, patting their chest to regain composure. 

You smile, recalling the times your friends would force you out of your comfort zone. In college, you were known as the wild card. Many were unaware of the type of person you were since you were so introverted in your classes and so extroverted in social environments. People deduced it was due to caring for your grades but to others, it was very well a mystery.

“Ma! Ma!” You heard your child whine. Turning around you noticed the show had ended, which meant his attention was now fully set on you. 

“Coming!” 

You walk towards your child whose hands are already trying to grasp your shirt. Lifting him in your arms, you pat his back. “Looks like no more Doraemon for today. You’ll just have to wait until he comes to visit tomorrow.“

The child whined at your words, pouting his tiny mouth trying to go for an expression of anger but with pursing his lips the way he was a little saliva bubble made an appearance. He didn’t notice it though as he was trying to maintain his expression with maximum efficiency. His gray eyes weren’t trained on your face but on your arms which was good or else he would’ve taken offense to the benign smile traced on your lips. Even when his eyes found yours and began to pat your face harshly to wipe that expression off your face— felt like a marshmallow was being repeatedly thrown at you. All you could do was let out a heartful laugh before reaching for the small hands that were “harming” your face with one of your own, lowering them to his body. 

Another cute expression dawned on his face, a look of confusion — looked more like he was about to poop himself. The child was not prepared for your form of retaliation. As yours was by far way worse than his. Attacking the child’s face with kisses as he giggled, seemingly forgetting that he was supposed to be mad. 

Dealing one last peck on his forehead, you muzzle him closer to your body as you begin to dote on the child. “How can such an angry face still look so darn cute.” You cooed into him.

How could you ever not adore Levi when he gifted you the greatest gifts in the world; his love and your children? The greatest gifts you could ever wish to receive. If you could be greedy, you would’ve wanted him to be here. Wrapping his calloused hands around your waist, placing his warm lips onto your head, he would rock the both of you back and forth to not only calm yourselves but your child. Your other children would get jealous at this point and each individually wraps their tiny arms around either one of your legs as they’d giggle at the momentum.

Unconsciously, you had fluttered your eyes closed to envision the scene that used to be acted out without the need for a cut or a take two. You never repeated it to get it right because it always was. You repeated it for the sake of sharing moments. The author simply enjoyed how serenity was a person – a family. That family was yours, once.

Feeling a substance drip from your eyes, you were crying. You couldn’t commit yourself to the full sob as you made sure to discard the sole tear before it could make a crash landing. 

Glancing down at the child in your arms, you take into account how his eyes were drifting off into their fantasyland as you momentarily had to. 

Turning towards Hange, you let out a sigh of relief to see them so immersed in their phone looking at fun attraction sites to pay attention to you. With a gentle raise of your arms to show them the resting child, you call out loud enough for them to hear but quiet enough for the child to remain asleep. “Our little buddy here is dozing off so I’m going to put him in his crib. While I do that, you can start picking up some of the laundry or toys that you can find on the floor.”

“Using me again? I’m going to have to start charging you for my services, ya know?” They jokingly jabbed, which roused a humorous sound out of you. As you were rounding the corner towards the hallway, a vibration caught Hange’s attention. It was a message coming from your phone. They could’ve just ignored it and done the task they were asked to do but their curiosity got the best of them.

Sasha:

We’re meeting up at Perko’s at 6:30

It would be cool if you made it.

Bring your kids too! We’d love to meet them!

[sent at 8:12 am]

 The name was immediately recognizable to Hange. Not only having met her at your wedding in passing, but Hange had also heard that name a multitude of times. With the number of times, you’d talk about your childhood friends, it was fairly easy to memorize all their names and their significance to you. If their memory served them correctly, Sasha was your best friend for a large portion of your adolescent years. You described your relationship with them once in such a wholesome form; platonic soulmates.

Checking the messages being sent, they noticed you had never responded. They furrowed their brunette brows at the revelation. Why were you ignoring them? It was understandable that with how hectic your life is at the moment to not want to attend but the blatant disregard to not giving them a courtesy response was off-putting. Preserving friendships was a high priority in your life but why were you against preserving your childhood friends?

Their fingers had a mind of their own, typing away into that device of yours. 

 _____

Of course! See you there!

Miss you guys too.

[sent at 8:14 am]

 Hearing a door open was their cue to press send and place the item back where it belonged. Picking up a laundry basket that was nearby they scurried to place any miscellaneous out-of-place items into their basket. To somewhat combat the gnawing guilt they felt for putting you in a situation you were avoiding, they decided to subtly integrate it into the conversation.

“Have any of your high school friends reached out to you? From what your parents said you have been the talk of the city.” They mindlessly spoke trying to paint the narrative of this impromptu conversation.

“In my defense, the city isn’t that big.” You jest, tracing the diameters of the city using your hands. “I would be offended if I wasn’t.”

A jokester you were deflecting the question in a less than obvious way. Not hearing any laughter, you deducted that this conversation wouldn’t be casual. 

“A few have but that’s about it.” You reveal with the accompaniment of a sigh. “I don’t see a point in hanging out when we all have our own separate lives.”

“But what if they want to catch up? You know for the sake of it?” They countered, attempting to match your speed.

“I’m sure they are too busy in their own lives to have time to meet up. We aren’t teenagers anymore.” You remind them as you begin to walk ahead of them.

“Hypothetically…say they did have time to meet up?… Would you go then?” They inquire, silently praying that whatever you answered could be positive. Unfortunately for them, the drop of your shoulders and the lack of movement coming from you were enough to depict a picture of your response. At least, that’s what they surmised.

A familiar ringtone faintly sounded throughout the house which earned a raised eyebrow from you and a panicked expression from Hange. Reaching the destination of your phone and seeing yet another notification from Sasha.

Sasha:

Can’t wait!

[sent at 8:22 am]

Your eyes widened in disbelief at the text and the ones above it, trying to process the situation your dear friend had forced you into. A flash of memories swarm their way to the forefront of your mind; all the good and the bad and all the reasons why you were against meeting any of them again.  Clicking your phone off, you leave it placed in your palm, bouncing it a bit as you pivot your feet in their direction with your gaze still on the device in your hand.

“I’m going to ask you a question Hange and I want you to be honest. You wouldn’t have been going through my texts, right?” Your tone was condescending as you spoke. They knew you knew and were now unaware of their choice in how to handle the situation. Perhaps if they pretended to be clueless, you'd be less harsh.

“Well not necessarily…” They attempted to defend themselves but backtracked on their plan once they witnessed the expression that was bestowed upon them; furrowed brows, a crease developing on the bridge of their nose, attenuated eyes, folded arms over their chest, and your figure leaning on the archway dividing your living room and kitchen. 

They knew then that any form of lying would be proven useless. “It was by accident! Your phone was on the counter and I saw a message from Sasha. I got curious and one thing led to another…”

“Hange.” You push expectantly. They feel themselves shrink at your tone, averting eye contact from your menacing gaze in preparation to confess.

“Let’s just say, you have a reunion to go to tonight at 6:30…” They responded sheepishly while doing jazz hands motions. “Surprise…?”

Smacking them over their arm with a nearby throw pillow as you fume exciting the living room, “Over my dead body! What the hell were you thinking, Hange!”

They yank your “weapon” from your hands – swiftly placing it back among the other pillows on your couch – trying to catch up to your retreating form.  “I thought it was something you’d want!” 

“If I didn’t respond it wasn’t! I spent the better half of a decade ignoring them and now you want to just pop up out of nowhere for a fucking reunion!” You tried your best to not raise your voice, for the sake of your child's sleep schedule, but with the situation, it was proving to be rather difficult. 

Visibly disappointed by your response they kept on being persistent with their questions, throwing out every hypothetical situation there was known to man. All of which you turned down.

“I’ll take Ace to Karate practice for the rest of the week!” 

“Yeah right, you’re so squeamish you wouldn’t be able to handle the puking.” You remind them, watching them deflate at the memory of Ace’s first match where they had to be escorted out of the dojo on a stretcher because they passed out mid-match after seeing a kid barf out his entire lunch in front of them. 

“I’d take care of the kids! I bet they have been waiting to hang out with their favorite godparent!” They boasted about themselves, ignoring the pitiful look sketched on your face. 

After a while of listening, your anger diminished to something similar to amusement. It wasn’t as if the meet-up was going to be a regular occurrence so there couldn’t be much harm in attending. Nevertheless, you were a petty woman, and pretending to remain impassive was entertaining. You listened to their tangents as to why you should go, picking up anything that needed to be picked up off the floor. You’d muse about them for a few moments as it was entertaining to see how dedicated to their cause they were.

“Word on the street says it’s Erwin.” You retaliate as you waved a Ninjago action figure in the air that was bought by said man a few birthdays ago.

Gasping at the comment, they snatch the figure from your hands and shove it into their basket. “He hardly ever visits! How can that even be true!”

“Exactly.”

“I have a right to them! I helped bless them into the world of spirituality! Those kids are going to heaven because of me!” Your eye-patched friend pleaded as they assisted you in carrying a basket of laundry, dodging incoming miscellaneous items that coveted your house. The clutter matches your mental state. The perimeter of the boxes was littered with toys that should’ve been in their respective locations. 

“With you being the Godparent? They received an early access ticket to hell with courtesy of satan written on the back.” You mocked the delusional brunette. Rounding the corner of your house, you sighed picking up the scattered clothing items your children had graciously left for you, dumping them into the laundry basket they were holding.  

“Rude!” They huffed. They followed in your steps, picking up clothes before you could, causing you to roll your eyes at their antics. “Come on! It will be good for you! Out of the house, stress-free, and kid-free! Experiencing your wondrous childhood town now as an adult! Sounds like a breath of fresh air. I am extremely reliable so you wouldn’t have to worry your pretty head about a thing!” 

They ascertained a little too confidently as they failed to take notice of an incoming box which in turn toppled them over, spilling out all the contents in the laundry basket and box onto the floor. 

Masking your laugh with your palm, you shake your head watching as they attempt to push themselves back to stability. Situations like these make it hard to stay annoyed with them for long. Deciding to continue on your facade, you ignore them jumping over their fallen body to reach the entrance of your study.

It was the only unruly part of your household. It was secluded away from all the other parts of the house and with the odd placement of the door, it could easily be confused as a closet. Opening it you were greeted with an oak sectional desk that was chipping away, an outdated computer from your college days, framed pictures of loved ones decorating a matching bookcase, and a tower of folded down boxes that have yet to be thrown out. It was a plain room that most likely will never be renovated. 

“Come on, you never get to do nice things for yourself! I bet you miss those old friends of yours.” They tried to reason as they finally entered the room with the basket in tow.

 “Is it because of him?” They spoke in a hushed voice as if the subject was so taboo it might cause an uproar.

The elusive “him” in question was your ex-boyfriend from high school. The golden boy of Shiganshina, Eren Yeager. The first guy you fell in love with. The first guy to break your heart. Having met him at age 4 at a park when you had pushed him off a slide for hogging it for too long. Some may say that it was a toxic way to begin a friendship but it worked for the dysfunctional duo. Of course, you fell for him first. Hard not to when you were stuck with him for 10 years. It seemed like it was just as easy to fall out of love when Levi came into your life. It was easier for him too as he fell out of love with you first. Confessing to you following your high school graduation that he had been in love with another girl the entire time. 

You scoffed at their question, “I could care less about if he is there or not. I moved on and he certainly did before me.”

“But what he did was pretty messed up. It took you months to even give Levi a chance.” They recalled, wincing at the memories of said point and time in which you joined them. “Poor man would come to Erwin and me for advice. That was peak desperation.”

“Don’t remind me. You’re lucky I liked him enough at the time to put up with the shitty advice y’all gave him.”

“I thought it was pretty good…”

“No wonder you guys were single for so long.” You mumbled, not entirely opposed to them hearing your comment which they certainly did.

“May have been single but never in an empty bed. That’s how I got Moblit.” They countered, which results in you giving them an eye roll. 

“How…romantic.” You riposte, now their turn to return the gesture. 

Taking a cautious gaze towards your figure, they ask again for reassurance.“So this isn’t about the guy?”

“Look at it like this, Hange. Even if he and I wouldn't have broken up after graduation, the outcome would’ve been the same. I would’ve still met Levi and fallen in love with him. He would’ve still pursued the other girl.” You explained with a shrug. “No use crying over a decade-old spilled milk.”

“I guess you’re right but that still doesn’t explain why you don’t want to see them at all. Don’t you miss them?”

“I appreciate it, truly I do, but it isn’t about missing them or not. I want to spend time with my kids. With all that has been going on and now that I’m going to start my new job, spending quality time with them as a family won’t happen as often.” You reveal with a crestfallen expression. “I’d like to cherish these moments while I can.” 

The last set of words fed into the guilt that Hange had already felt. In the months leading up to Levi’s passing, your job had been sending you off on business trips frequently resulting in less time being spent together. Arguments manifested due to this and when you had finally decided to put aside your pride, it had already been too late. You were begging forgiveness to his casket instead of to his face.

“Now I feel horrible!” The brunette bit their lip, allowing you to see the remorseful expression that had washed up on their face. They groaned at your words, enveloping their face with their hands, and they mumbled into their palms. “I hate how selfless you can be, being a mother is basically in the cards for you.”

“If that’s so, I don’t plan on shuffling the deck.” You quip, earning another groan at your lame attempt at a joke – obviously, you laughed at it.

Their eyes narrowed as they playfully criticized you. “Ha-ha, just because you’re a milf doesn’t excuse you from making lame mom jokes.”

“The local dilfs would like to disagree, they eat that shit up. Comes in handy when I want discounts at Home Depot.” You cheekily mention, taking pride in your seductions that had recently come in handy.

Their jaw dropped as if what you said was treachery. “You skank! I always wondered how you managed to bag that lawnmower for $180 instead of $250! You just said it was on sale!” 

“Just one of my many talents.” You joke with a wink. “Besides there was no way in hell I was going to pay full price for a fucking machine I was hardly ever gonna use.”

Becoming newly widowed, you had to fend for yourself. You were so accustomed to having two forms of income flowing in your home that you had forgotten the essential skill that was budgeting. Not to say you were a wealthy family but you had enough to live comfortably. Now being the sole financial provider in the family, tactics such as the example used above came in handy. 

“So are we going?” They ask wearily, not knowing whether or not you have warmed up to the idea or not.

Leaning your head into your chair, you stared at the ceiling idly, twirling a pen you had found on your desk before giving your final verdict on their question, “They have good food there and I used to go there all the time so I guess we’d be knocking out two birds with one stone. We could probably go to the park beforehand to tire them out and I could use that as an excuse to leave early.”

They practically leaped out of their chair at your words, wrapping their arms around your frame and you returned the gesture rather awkwardly at the way they reacted to your answer. They still felt guilty as hell but when you said those words. The guilt was momentarily lifted, allowing them a breath of success. The other details could unravel themselves at another time. For now, they’ll see where the day takes them.

Retracting themselves from the embrace, they begin to head out of the room “Great! I’ll start getting Amos ready!”

“But they don’t get out for another 4 hours. He’s asleep too-“ The sounds of your child’s wails cut you off. They smile victoriously at the sound watching you furrow your brows as you point a judgmental finger at them. “Fine but don’t put him in something stupid.”

Taking faux offense at your warning, they raise a hand to their chest. “I would never! I am a person of taste!”

“If the taste is dressing my child like the pope, may Christ banish thee to hell.” You retort back, pointing to a framed picture on your wall, revealing a rather disturbing picture. It was Hange dressed in nun garb while holding a then 10-month-old Amos dressed as said religious figure in front of your old house in Marley. Your other kids were included in the picture too, your oldest son was dressed as Ace from One Piece — “he has my name mama!” and your daughter was dressed as Wednesday Adams from the Adams Family— “She’s goth. she’s cool.”

“It was Halloween! We looked cute! He looked happy!” They defended, pride burst through them witnessing the framed picture for the first time in a while.

You were beginning to doubt that you were looking at the same picture because it did not take that long to realize that child was in hysterics. Eyeing your friend weirdly as you voiced your concern. “You made my kid cosplay as the pope. How does a bald man in a gown equal a cute and fun baby costume?”

“You framed it! Must mean you think the same way!”

“It means jack-shit. Why do you think it’s in my office and not the living room?”

“To keep it for your eyes only. Very selfish if you ask me. I asked for a copy and you cursed me out.” They huffed in disappointment. 

“More like I’m taking one for the team keeping it in my office.” You snarl while looking at the individual. They ignored your comment, too caught up in their world to realize you calling their name. It took an elevated voice, a wave in the face, and blocking the picture with your body to garner their attention.

“Hmm?”

“Get the fuck out of my office.”

“Can I at least take-“

“Out!”