The Guardian Shall Defy A God Onlyto Be Dealt A Fatal Blow.

“The Guardian shall defy a god only to be dealt a fatal blow.”

– EverymanHYBRID

“The Guardian shall lose their heart and then their blood and fight to lose all they love.”

– EverymanHYBRID

.: While I would like it if people would reblog my art or even leave a comment, I understand that not many people want to and I don’t mind only getting the likes. :.

.: I don’t just draw for myself. I also draw for others to enjoy too. I like sharing my stuff with others and making them smile. :.

.: Though, it would be nice to receive some feedbacks. I’m…admittedly not very confident in my abilities as an artist. :.

Why? Your work is amazing!

.: No, they’re not. :.

.: I’m not gonna pretend and say that my art or hell, my writing, is really great when in reality that isn’t true. :.

.: I know it’s a very bad thing for an artist to not have confidence in their work but…it’s very difficult for me to stop thinking “something is off” and after I try fixing it think “Great, now I made it worse.” :.

.: I constantly keep comparing myself to other artists and acknowledge time and time again that I can’t be as good as them. :.

.: I don’t like having this kind of mentality because I know it’s not healthy, but after my past experiences, it’s been very hard for me to get out of it. I’ve always been very hard on myself, especially on my work, and I can’t help it. After all, you are your own harsh critic. I always worry about the quality of my work that I keep over thinking on little “insignificant” details and stress myself out for probably no reason. :.

.: Yeah, I have gotten better over the years and I will admit it and I am happy about it too, but even now, I still don’t see my artwork all that impressive like some people do. :.

.: It’s why, rather than getting likes or reblogs, all I wanted is feedbacks; hear other peoples opinions on my work because… I don’t trust my own judgment. :.

.: It’s upsetting really. I USED to be confident in my work. I used to think positively about them and create them without too much worry. But… After some personal events that happened to me, it’s no longer the case anymore. I don’t want to go into any details, but let’s just say that those events had taken their toll on my creative side. :.

.: Now, I still do appreciate all the likes, complements, and, less often, reblogs. I always will, but I refuse to view my work as anything but average or just…decent, I guess. :.

.: If you want to see some really amazing artists, I highly recommend the likes of @i-junketsu, @destinyblue, @kyleehenke, and @alexysgh just to name a few from off top of my head. :.

.: They are totally worth your time and I love almost every piece of work they’ve made thus far. :.

.: That’s all I have to say. Sorry for rambling. :.

I’m gonna be venting. You are free to ignore this post as it’s not really important.

...

If there is one thing that I’ve always hated; it’s ending friendships. Whether it’s because we drifted apart over time or, sadly, in most cases for me, something sour happened between us, I NEVER wanted to stop being friends with someone.

Maybe it’s because I used to (or still do) have trouble making friends when I was little. Maybe it’s because of the neglect and emotional abuse I had to deal with during my childhood. Bullying. All the above...

Either way, this and last year were the worst as I had to end quite a number of friendships; one of them was with one that I’ve known since around 2006 or 2007! That one friendship was even worse as I once considered them to be one of my best friends! We had the same interests, love to draw, love role playing... we even love the same edgy fucking hedgehog. However...that said friend slowly became almost stagnant, allowed themselves to be surrounded by very toxic people, refuse to take criticism and even treat me and others as if we’re the bad guys for giving those said criticisms that is meant to help them improve as an artist! I just... I couldn’t take it anymore.

One other friend turned out to be not only toxic, but also an emotional ABUSER (intentional or otherwise) to another friend I also sadly stopped talking to and I and the others had to kick them from a D&D campaign.

Another was also toxic but in a different sense. They weren’t a bad person, but not only they were uncomfortably clingy, they...hardly talked to me normally and only wanted to talk about something else that they seem to only care about more than me.

Look, while I’m no longer friends with any of these individuals, even ones I haven’t brought up, I DON’T HATE THEM. The abuser, yeah, I do really dislike them, but not hate.

It usually takes a LOT to make me hate someone and what each of these people did isn’t enough to warrant any hatred. My hatred is towards those who are willing to seriously hurt people; racists, homophobes, transphobes, pedophiles, zoophiles, rapists, terrorists... VERY BAD PEOPLE.

I want nothing but for these former friends to get better; changing their lives for the sake of self improvement. To realize the mistakes they’ve made, learned from them, and do their best to move forward...like what I’ve been doing.

My hatred is also towards those who seriously hurt me. Those who slandered me, verbally and emotionally abused me, spread harmful LIES about me, sexually HARRASSED me, treated me like I’m the enemy or someone who cannot change for the better as if I’m completely unredeemable, and telling me that no one cared about me and that I was better off DEAD.

None of these former friends did any of that shit to me.

I’ve made...some really bad mistakes...said HORRIBLE things when I lost my anger...but I’ve learned from them.

Please, take care of yourselves.

Will they change? That’s not for me to say.

It’s them to make that necessary step.

Will I ever be friends with them again? Sadly, I don’t think I will.

Roughly back in June, 2014, I’ve grabbed the free 30-day trial of Mixcraft 5 and made this song with the program. I pretty much winged it as I have no talent for composing music (as far as I know). It was still fun to make regardless though and I even made a short version of it to use for my youtube channel. I also made some remixes with this program too. I will try posting them on here soon.