Tw Vent - Tumblr Posts
gender is weird and doesn’t make sense. i like being a boy, i like using he/him pronouns, i like being who i feel i am.
but somethings still wrong. there will be multiple times, and those times are becoming more frequent, where i’ll go onto chatbot sites or write fanfiction for myself, and then proceed to use she/her pronouns. even more than that, i use a different name from my deadname. the name i use in these situations changes every so often, but they’re all feminine names.
in every one of those cases, where i’m catering to my own desires, i present myself as a girl
and i’ve identified as a trans guy for about a year now. i’m relatively solid in this identity. there will be bumps where i try out a new set of alternate pronouns, like it/its and whatever neopronoun and xenopronoun set fancies my interest.
despite all this, when i’m alone, and i’m only indulging myself, i’ll go straight back to my birth gender.
it’s not normal, i think. at least not to me. sure, i’ve always been a bit indecisive, but i thought i would’ve solved this gender problem by now. and as far as i know, no non-binary genders out there fit my experience.
it can be painful to me. i always frame it, at least with ai, as “getting the anatomy right”, and with fanfiction, it’s just seeing how i like it.
but i don’t know. either i’m a gay guy or im a (maybe) bi woman. and i don’t know who i am.
i don’t understand what my gender is, and i don’t want to switch back to being perceived as a girl in my real life. if it was up to me, i’d just be a girl online and stay my trans guy self in real life.
take it even further, if i was transported to a fictional world of my choosing, completely customizing myself to a comfortable identity and body, i’d likely be female again.
we can’t just ignore the pain and agony i get from regular spouts of dysphoria in my day to day existence. i thought i’d want to be a boy if i had the chance to choose my body in another world.
but somehow, i have the feeling i’d even be happier if i was a girl in a fictional world.
i don’t know what’s wrong here. i don’t want to try she/her again for fear of a sudden rush of dysphoria, but i so badly want to know if being a guy is even for me.
I know why im ugly, its because im not white right?? Thats is isnt it???? And my curly hair is ugly cuz its curly right? RIGHT???
Vent//
Bpd culture is friend keeps asking to know what i did to my friend during an outburst and why i cut then off from my friend and i dont want to tell her but she claims she’s as “mentally ill as me” but then gets mad when i split on her because she constantly ignores me. Lying ass poser bitch
.
"luca, you're not a failure! you're just not putting in the effort!" I hope your head gets smashed in with a brick.
You do not get to tell me how to feel about my future and how my life will go, especially not after everything I've been put through.
I. GIVE. UP.
I'm done with trying to keep my grades up only to end up failing all of my classes by the end of the semester, I'm done with trying to maintain friendships that will eventually fall apart, and I'm done with trying to be a good person when all people do is just put me down again.
everyday is a constant loop of the same fucking bullshit, with no breaks whatsoever, and idk what happened, but I guess I just eventually snapped.
Remember that shitty teacher I was thinking about killing?
Well, today I got pulled out of class to go speak with a counselor and a security guard because my therapist had reported my homicidal thoughts to them, and they spoke with me about it.
When they asked about a weapon, I pulled out some scissors I had in my bag and put it on the desk, and I guessed they took it as a sign that i was gonna kill the teacher and they had me to a threat assessment.
Now, granted, yes I would use those scissors on that teacher, but it's not like i have a PLAN to do it. I can't even tackle down my 2-year-younger sister, let alone a grown ass man with the most greasiest hair I had ever seen in my life, and also it'd take WAY too much time and effort to make a plan to actually go through with it without getting caught, so why would I?
Long story short: I got suspended for 3 days and I ended up doing a threat evaluation after I left campus.
Listen, idc how serious threats are, but the fact that it literally me took me threatening a fucking teacher for someone to finally listen to me makes me so fucking angry, and atp, I'm fucking done.
This is EXACTLY why I say that nobody cares about you unless you're dead or making threats.
I have had my mental health dismissed for YEARS, and anytime I started showing non-romanticized mental illness signs, I was blamed and degraded for it. I had teachers complain that I was "resisting" the work in class, and how "disruptive" I was, an it just-- AUGHHGFHJGRJHFKGGEFWKJJEF /NEG
AND GET THIS! Similar shit happened at my old school and my mom had to transfer me from that school just so I wouldn't go and kill anyone, it was BAD. They basically proved my point.
I could've gone to jail, both for that time and today. And they don't care, because they want my life to be shitty. They want me to suffer.
Back to the topic regarding the teacher, My mom is literally defending him and victimizing him, basically saying "oh, he misworded it, he didn't mean to piss you off! he understands you!"
What the actual fuck.
I do not give a flying fuck what his intentions were, the impact is still there, and it could've costed his life.
he KNEW i was mentally ill, he KNEW that I had a lot of trauma from my old school. Yet for some fucking reason, his mentally healthy greasy haired bitch ass, had the fucking BALLS to tell me that it was MY fault that I was struggling, and to add on to that, he basically called me a dirty lazy pig (not what he actually said but he might as well have said that) because my hygiene was shit at the time BECAUSE I AM MENTALLY ILL.
And when this shit happened, he has he nerve to go and play the victim card and pretend like he didn't know.
Fuck you Mr. Gonzales, and fuck the school system entirely, ESPECIALLY THOSE BITCH ASS SCHOOL COUNCELORS THAT ARE SO USELESS THAT YOU MIGHT AS WELL NOT HAVE THEM.
"just use coping strategies" KILL YOURSELF, I AM MENTALLY UNSTABLE, YOU THINK JUST FUCKING BREATHING IS GONNA FIX ME??? FUCK YOU!
Anyway, I'm supposed to be working on homework, but after today, I'm not gonna do that shit, fuck that. Not like I care about my grades anyway considering how bad my mental health has been for the past 7 years.
As a self-proclaimed Yandere with BPD (though i don't talk about it for some reason), I'mma have to agree wholeheartedly with this.
I feel like the only people who should identify as a yandere are the people who've actually had to deal with the experience that's often associated with yandere behavior (as you mentioned)
The only exception I'll make is Ayano Aishi from Yandere simulator, but mainly because she's extremely BPD coded and I headcanon her as someone with BPD.
God I hate neurotypicals sometimes...
I feel saying you’re a self proclaimed “yandere” is fetishizing mental illness
The term yandere is literally based on bpd and being obsessive
Unlike people who are a self proclaimed “yandere” I can’t fucking help it
It isn’t a cute and quirky thing it’s a genuine mental illness that has been warped to a media stereotype and romanized the shit out of
10/8/2024
I know this is probably gonna result in me losing a lot of people I care about, but I've pretty much came to accept and acknowledge something that I'm finally understanding.
I'm a bad person who does bad things.
I manipulate people into either staying with me or getting what I want, I make insensitive comments (even if I didn't mean it that way), I don't respect boundaries as much as I want to, I talk about how nobody loves me all the time even if there are people who do love me, I talk about sex and needless drama a lot (even when I'm not supposed to), I'm mean to people when I'm angry, I ignore people on purpose if I find them "boring", HELL, I even use to emotionally abuse my (now ex) boyfriend and then call him the abuser when he tried to speak up about it, knowing damn well that this was damaging his well-being (and I wish i never did fyi, the guilt from the abuse I had done haunts me to this day and I feel like neither me or him can recover from that).
Not to mention that I am an egotistical attention seeker and I like to exploit my own mental health struggles for clout online (and making them worse in the process), sometimes even going as far as over-exaggerating it just so people can give me attention.
I am a major fucking red flag, but for some dumbass reason, people just love to throw on the rose-colored glasses and not only ignore those red flags, but instead blame the victims for what happened and tell me that I am a good person regardless, even though they know the truth about me.
It pisses me off how nobody even understands that I will hurt them, and I have flaws that will affect them, and it also pisses me off how people want to blame the people being hurt by my actions. HELL, EVEN MY THERAPIST IS TELLING ME THIS IS OKAY, WHEN IT'S NOT!
And the fucked up part?
I was doomed to be like this from the start.
I can't change myself because of the fact that a lot of my behavior stems from both my mental illness/disability and the environment I had to grow up in, and also I can't handle criticism for shit. Anytime someone calls me out for my shitty behavior, I tell them that they're a piece of shit and then block them before going on a rant about about how "oh, i'm so misunderstood and I'm trying to be good! please pity me and feed my praise kink for me!!! :(" and then continue to do the shitty behavior in question with no consequences.
I know i'm repeating this a lot, but I am genuinely so upset how behavior like this is so normalized and encouraged. People are being harmed by my actions yet I'm being told it's okay for some reason. They don't even bother to try and address my flaws and hold me accountable for jack shit, and it makes me wonder how far they're willing to go just to defend my actions...
So overall, I'm just stuck in this limbo of being aware I'm a bad person yet never being held accountable for it, and it's basically driving me insane.
But at the same time, I'm terrified of abandonment, and if I lose the people I genuinely care about over this I'll just go into another crisis and threaten myself again, so I just force myself to take in the praise just to keep me alive.
I wish I wasn't like this, and I wish I could stop hurting people, it's killing me atp..
I'm not even gonna bother to use tone tags for this because it'll just sound like I'm making this a joke (fuck the people who misuse the /srs tone tag btw), feel free to interpret this however you want. I just needed to get this out of my system before it fucks me over again.
I hate my body I hate it I hate being so feminine and disgusting I hate living like this.
My friends don't even call me by the correct pronouns even though some of them use they/them themselves.
My parents don't accept me even though I know I have dysphoria, they just dont care because "ohh I don't want you to mutilate yourself11!!111" Like shut the fuck up I hate my fucking body you asshole just because you don't doesnt mean I'm the same
I hate this I want to fucking kill myself
Did a background. Doesn’t look the greatest, but I also just never draw backgrounds (lol). I want to at least get better at doing basic backgrounds for pictures like this though so my art looks better to the eye.
This isn’t really anyone’s business, but I’m gonna vent a little here anyways since no one’s going to see this. If you are seeing this, the tags have content warnings.
I hate wintertime. I hate the snow. I hate Christmas and everything associated with it. I’ve been like this for years now, and it’s just been getting worse each year it seems.
Everyone shoves the holidays down people’s throats, spewing things about how it’s “the happiest time of the year”. It makes me feel left out, and I just really wish that I knew someone in my life who felt the same way at this time of the year so I wouldn’t feel so alone.
I try to shelter myself away from all of that as much as possible. I want to make this time of the year as tolerable as possible until I can heal from whatever makes this season so painful for me. I’m in therapy now, so hopefully that helps.
*Venting, BIG ASS TW for transphobia.
*Please scroll past if you are sensitive to that topic or simply don't want to see my bitch ass vent.
*Tonight was not pleasant, I walked out of the shower, and a little bit after I started to dry off, my grandmama started to spew out a transphobic shit story about a trans woman getting harassed by a little old lady in the store my grandma works at.
*The entire story is just the old lady repeatedly telling the trans woman that she is not a woman and will never be one and then having the audacity to say, "I'm not being disrespectful." The story ends with the trans woman saying to the old lady "Yeah you're right, I'm not a woman. I'm just a feminine man."
*Throughout the story, my grandma praises the old lady in the story, and my mom even says she agrees at the end.
*Now, this shit really hurts me because I'm trans, both of them know I'm trans; Both of them say they support me and my community and now I'm starting to question whether or not what they say is true.
*I feel lied to by my mom and grandma, and when I first heard them, I hid in the bathroom because I don't actually have my own room and sleep in the living room. I sat there crying for half an hour, and I didn't go out until my mom needed to use the restroom.
*I sat on my air mattress desperately checking my discord to see if anyone had responded to my vents because I really needed the support. I felt crushed and betrayed mainly by my own mother, and I started to wonder: what else she had lied to me about? And more importantly, why? To spare my feelings?
*At least with my dad, he was honest about it, so I knew what to not tell him. But with her, for all I know, she could be completely disgusted with me behind closed doors. I feel so hurt knowing that all her love could just be lies, maybe fueled by guilt or pity, idk.
*All I know is now I'll never truly know whether or not my mom actually loves me.
having will wood's euthanasia come on while you're preparing to take your cat to be put down is...an experience!
lol why not
life's ridiculous rn. I made this acc to be myself cuz I know none of my family members use tumblr but can i still do that? no. I hate my anxiety, i hate my life.
i just wanna live in peace without feeling like i'm gonna cry every other second or have a panic attack. i cant focus in school, in life. i can't leave my bed on worst days and even then it's mostly my stupid anxiety instead of not wanting to or not having the energy. my parents are toxic and i feel unsafe most of the time even if nothing physical has ever happened (well nothing big). i don't remember my childhood, i don't remember yesterday. i don't even get proper help for this all 'cause i can't put my emotions into words other than "I relate to this mental illness/disorder" and then get told "no, you possibly cannot have it because no one remembers your childhood/you're not distracted enough/you have all the things for this diagnosis but i can't do it because it's your own perception and you don't bother anyone else with your behavior" like please just help me or don't. do not give me the false pretense of helping me if you're not gonna listen to me, the actual person who has the issues. thank god i'm gonna be 18 soon and i can do this stuff without my parents, and go no contact with them. though is it possible anytime soon cause i barely function?
‼️Tw vent‼️
my thigh hurts, and ik that these ones will for sure scar, their like drawings, drawings ill never show anyone, not my bf, not my friends or family, their drawings ill take to the grave if i have too. I wish I could be skinny without starving, I wish I could be pretty without wearing makeup, I wish for things I can not have. im numb till morning but yet I smile despite the pain, I say I love you without feeling it….
so what is it that I really want in life?
My first time doing anything animation/animatic wise and im actually losing it, its so good, my god, im so proud.
sorry for posting yhat guys im ok plelasejse dontnt flood my inobox
Entry One
ℳ𝓎 𝓅𝒶𝓇ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓈 𝒽𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝒶𝒸𝒽𝒾ℯ𝓋ℯ𝒹 𝒻𝓊𝓁𝓁 𝒸ℴ𝓃𝓉𝓇ℴ𝓁 ℴ𝓋ℯ𝓇 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ， 𝓃ℴ𝓌 ℐ 𝒸𝒶𝓃’𝓉 𝒹ℴ 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝒻ℴ𝓁𝓁ℴ𝓌𝒾𝓃𝑔：
~ 𝓊𝓈ℯ 𝓂𝓎 𝒫𝒞 （𝒯𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽 ℐ’𝓋ℯ 𝓅𝒶𝒾𝒹 𝒻ℴ𝓇）
~ 𝓊𝓈ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓉ℯ𝓁ℯ𝓋𝒾𝓈𝒾ℴ𝓃 𝓊𝓃𝓁ℯ𝓈𝓈 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓈𝓅ℯ𝒸𝒾𝒻𝒾ℯ𝒹 𝓉𝒾𝓂ℯ𝓈
ℐ𝓉 𝒹ℴℯ𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝓈ℴ𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝓈ℴ 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝓊𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓁 𝓎ℴ𝓊 𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓁𝒾𝓏ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 ℐ 𝒶𝓂， 𝒾𝓃 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝓉， 𝓉𝓌ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓎 ℴ𝓃ℯ 𝓎ℯ𝒶𝓇𝓈 ℴ𝓁𝒹． ℐ’𝓂 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝓅ℯ𝓇𝓂𝒾𝓉𝓉ℯ𝒹 𝓉ℴ 𝒽𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝒶 𝒿ℴ𝒷， ℐ 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓃ℴ𝓉 𝑔ℴ ℴ𝓊𝓉𝓈𝒾𝒹ℯ 𝓊𝓃𝓁ℯ𝓈𝓈 𝒾𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓈𝒸𝒽ℴℴ𝓁 ℴ𝓃𝓁𝓎， ℐ 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓃ℴ𝓉 ℯ𝓍𝒾𝓈𝓉 𝒾𝓃 𝒶 𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽 𝓌ℴ𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝒹𝒾𝓈𝓅𝓁ℯ𝒶𝓈ℯ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓂．
ℐ 𝓇ℯ𝑔𝓇ℯ𝓉 𝓉ℴ 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈， 𝒷𝓊𝓉 ℐ’𝓋ℯ 𝓈𝓀𝒾𝓅𝓅ℯ𝒹 𝒹𝒾𝓃𝓃ℯ𝓇 𝒾𝓃 𝒽ℴ𝓅ℯ𝓈 ℴ𝒻 𝒶 𝒻𝓊𝓁𝓁 𝓇ℯ𝓁𝒶𝓅𝓈ℯ． ℐ 𝒸𝓇𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒸ℴ𝓃𝓉𝓇ℴ𝓁 ℴ𝓋ℯℯ 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ 𝓇𝒽𝒶𝓉 ℐ 𝒹ℯ𝓈ℯ𝓇𝓋ℯ 𝒶𝓈 𝒶𝓃 𝒶𝒹𝓊𝓁𝓉．
ℐ’𝓋ℯ 𝒷ℯℯ𝓃 𝓈ℴ 𝒹ℯ𝓅𝓇𝒾𝓋ℯ𝒹 ℴ𝒻 𝒷𝒶𝓈𝒾𝒸 𝒸ℴ𝓃𝓉𝒶𝒸𝓉 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 ℴ𝓉𝒽ℯ𝓇 𝒽𝓊𝓂𝒶𝓃𝓈 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝒶𝓁𝓁 ℴ𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻ℯ．
𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝓇𝓊ℯ 𝒷𝓎 𝓂𝓎 𝓅𝒶𝓇ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓈， 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝒸𝓊𝓁𝒶𝓇𝓁𝓎 𝒷𝓎 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒻ℴ𝓇 𝓂𝓊𝓁𝓉𝒾𝓅𝓁ℯ 𝓎ℯ𝒶𝓇𝓈 ℴ𝒻 𝓂𝓎 𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓁𝒹𝒽ℴℴ𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒻𝒶𝓂𝒾𝓁𝓎 𝓌ℯ𝓇ℯ 𝒾𝓃𝒹ℯ𝓃𝓉𝓊𝓇ℯ𝒹 𝓈ℯ𝓇𝓋𝒶𝓃𝓉𝓈－ 𝓉𝒽ℯ ℴ𝓃𝓁𝓎 𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓈ℴ𝓃 𝒾𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽 ℐ 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝒾𝓈 𝒹𝓊ℯ 𝓉ℴ 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝒻𝒶𝒸𝓉 𝓌ℯ’𝓇ℯ 𝓃ℴ𝓃－𝒷𝓁𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝓅ℴ𝒸．
𝒲ℯ 𝓂𝒶𝓎 𝒷ℯ ℒ𝒶𝓉𝒜𝓂， 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝒹 𝓈𝓁𝒶𝓋ℯ 𝒾𝓈 𝒶 𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓎 𝓇𝒶𝒸𝒾𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅ℴ𝓁𝒾𝓉𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓇𝑔ℯ𝒹 𝓌ℴ𝓇𝒹．
𝒯𝒽ℯ𝓎’𝓋ℯ 𝑔ℴ𝓃ℯ ℴ𝓊𝓉 ℴ𝒻 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝒾𝓇 𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝓉ℴ 𝒾𝓃𝓉ℯ𝓃𝓉𝒾ℴ𝓃𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓉𝓇𝒾𝑔𝑔ℯ𝓇 𝓂ℯ， 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝒾𝓇 𝒶𝒷𝓊𝓈𝒾𝓋ℯ 𝓅𝒶𝓉𝓉ℯ𝓇𝓃𝓈 𝒶𝓇ℯ 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓊𝓅 ℴ𝓃𝒸ℯ 𝒶𝑔𝒶𝒾𝓃－ 𝓉𝒽ℯ𝒾𝓇 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝓂𝒾𝓈ℯ𝓈 ℴ𝒻 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓃𝑔ℯ 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝒶 𝓂ℯ𝓂ℴ𝓇𝓎， 𝒶 𝓁𝒾ℯ．
ℐ 𝒹ℴ𝓃’𝓉 𝓀𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝒽ℴ𝓌 𝓂𝓊𝒸𝒽 𝓁ℴ𝓃𝑔ℯ𝓇 ℐ 𝒸𝒶𝓃 𝓀ℯℯ𝓅 𝑔ℴ𝒾𝓃𝑔， 𝓂𝓎 𝒰𝓃𝒾𝓋ℯ𝓇𝓈𝒾𝓉𝓎 𝒶𝓅𝓅𝓁𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉𝒾ℴ𝓃 𝒾𝓈 𝒷ℯ𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝒸ℯ𝓈𝓈ℯ𝒹 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝓃ℴ𝓌 𝒶𝓃𝒹 ℐ’𝓋ℯ 𝒷ℯℯ𝓃 𝓅𝓇𝒶𝒸𝓉𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝒶𝒸𝒸ℯ𝓅𝓉ℯ𝒹 𝒷𝓎 𝓂𝓎 𝒹ℯ𝒹𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓉𝒾ℴ𝓃 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝓇ℯ𝓋𝒾ℴ𝓊𝓈 𝒶𝒻𝒻𝒾𝓁𝒾𝒶𝓉𝒾ℴ𝓃 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶 𝓇ℯ𝓈ℯ𝒶𝓇𝒸𝒽 𝓅𝓇ℴ𝑔𝓇𝒶𝓂 𝓊𝓃𝒹ℯ𝓇 𝓉𝒽ℯ 𝓂ℯ𝓃𝓉ℴ𝓇𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓅 ℴ𝒻 𝒶 𝒻𝒶𝓂ℴ𝓊𝓈 𝓈𝒸𝒾ℯ𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓈𝓉．
ℐ 𝓈ℴ𝓊𝓃𝒹 𝓈ℴ 𝒾𝓂𝓅ℴ𝓇𝓉𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓌𝒽ℯ𝓃 ℐ 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉，
𝒾𝒻 ℴ𝓃𝓁𝓎．．．
ℐ 𝒹𝓇ℯ𝒶𝓂𝓉 ℐ 𝒹𝒾ℯ𝒹， 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝓇ℯ𝒷ℴ𝓇𝓃 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝒷𝓊𝓉𝓉ℯ𝓇𝒻𝓁𝓎
It hurts knowing that the person you love doesn't adore you as much as you adore them. I know this will break my heart in the end, I already feel myself starting to spiral into a web of lies and broken promises. I'm a girl who feels too much. I feel so much pain in my heart every day, but I also feel so much love. My whole life I've always wanted the love I saw in fairytales. Where the prince saves the princess and takes her far, far away. Then they both live happily ever after. Now I do anything for love. The little girl I once was feels so sad. She just wants to be loved. I want to be loved, not lusted.
God please help me, I don't think I can bare all this heartbreak alone. I pray and wish for it to get better but it never does. The older I get, the worse it'll be. I feel so alone in this room. I don't want to feel so sad anymore. God please save me so I can be with all the angels and you for eternity.
