Nothing Changes (except Im Being Fr) | K. Younghoon

nothing changes (except i’m being fr) | k. younghoon

pairings — kim younghoon x reader

genre — full angst, hurt no comfort

warnings — all pain, miscommunication (more like none lmao), idk just trauma dump…

note — Hi everyone, I’m back. I apologize for my long hiatus and coming back in not the best condition too on top of that… but I do hope you enjoyed reading my entry for @deoboyznet’s love letter event. Thank you for waiting for me, I really appreciate it.

more works — navigation | tbz!masterlist

I sat on the frigid cobblestone floor. My satin dress was deemed unimportant as it sweeped the dirt and dust on the floor, its owner without a care in the world about it.

Beside me sat an uninvited, young man, dashing and suited to the nines. He was a stranger, that was for sure.

It was funny—one could even say ironic—however, for once in a memory long locked in my head, ( heaven forbid it resurfaces so long to not disturb my appetite ) I knew everything about this man.

I knew of the way he liked his tea sweet. How he’d pout when annoyed, make a fuss when embarrassed—yet silent when upset. I knew of the way he liked the smell of vanilla because it reminded him of his grandmother’s kitchen, and how he’d never tuck his shirt in because he liked the feeling of the breeze reaching his stomach on warmer days.

I had long kept the memory hidden in my head, detained it to the bottom of my mind as if it were forbidden knowledge so long as to not feel what I had back then.

All for naught, it seems, as the man beside me always had a knack to make himself known to mankind. It was as if he was flaunting how easily he’d moved on—how little he truly cared for me.

I parted my lips to emit my thoughts, yet nothing came out. My mouth opened like a fish in air, only to close it once more like an idiot once I had realized that my thorax failed me.

My pride screamed at me to speak. It seems as if it could not leave me looking like a heartbroken teen, so I reopened it to attempt once more.

Unfortunately, he beat me to it.

”Are you okay?” He asks.

An innocent question, one asked of normal formalities. Yet, it brought me all the way back then. When innocence and naivety ran through, when a question would not have hidden implications.

Back to when I was young, and in love.

Back then, I would have responded with a “yep!” to not worry him, but then spill all my worries not a minute later. Before, I would have had courage because he was my Younghoon.

Now, he has changed. No longer the boy that was mine. No longer my Younghoon, but theirs.

”Why?” I asked.

To onlookers, it seemed like a common reply, especially in the perspective that they are strangers.

But I knew what I was talking about, and he does too.

Why act like you care anymore after you chose opportunities over me? Why rub the wound you know is still bleeding? Why not me?

A pregnant pause befalls before he took a sharp inhale, and muttered, “I’ll excuse myself.”

He walks away, and I let go of the breath I hold.

Strange, I felt relieved.

Perhaps I was mistaken. He did not change much mentally, he was still the Younghoon I knew.

Perhaps I was mistaken. I too did not change much mentally, I was still the me I knew.

Perhaps I was mistaken. We were still us. It was proven so as question met silence.

As bitterness was once more ignored, pushed deeply and squeezed tightly until we could not breath.

It is because we are still us, that communication ceased as it did all those years ago.

It is because we are still us, that we continue to bear this torture, though we know it did not do us good. Though it can be fixed.

We know, we understand. But we are us. By blood and flesh we are us, so we let the torture pain us once more.

It is not favorable, but it is what we prefer. Perhaps, because the truth is too jarring? It would mean that all this bitterness was for nothing. All the tears and curses and pain becomes irrelevant if we accept the truth. It seems that this was not something we could accept yet.

For now, this would be enough.

taglist — @kyusqult @ja4hyvn @flwoie @sulkygyu @xiaoderrrr @ineedaherosavemeenow @lonewolfjinji @teddywonss @taerae-verse

© astrae4 2024 | please don’t copy, translate, or plagiarize my works on all platforms!

Hey guys, I apologize for my lack of good pieces lately 🥲

I can’t really work unless I’m in the right headspace and I’m a mess rn..so I’ll try my best to push things out. However, if it lacks the usual quality then I apologize bc it’s rlly hard rn 😭😭

I’m back from the pits of earth to repost this and then going back to my sickly cave once more.…😐🔥

it's time for our monthly HOUSEMATE SPOTLIGHT! deoboyznet proudly introduces @astrae4 !

gill says: HIHI EVERYONEEE 😋 I’m Gill!! A member of tee-bee-zee-net hehe~ you may be familiar with me through my works for enha and zb1, but tbz is ultimately my ult 🫶 I’m currently on hiatus and often times off face of earth for dots of times due to health complications, but my requests are always open for anything but rated asks, so let’s be friends!!! 😘😘

**interview below the cut**

who are your bias(es) and bias wrecker(s)?

Bias from the start to now is and has always been Choi Chanhee 💗 My bias wreckerrrr… oh this one changes a lot! But usually it’s Jacob and Younghoon 😋

when did you first start stanning the boyz?

I started stanning tbz during late 2021 (while eric was still in hiatus 😭)

what is your favorite era of the boyz?

Hassss to be ROAR, no doubt!! My first time seeing ot11 comeback and the music video + performance was just so so good!! Also…red-haired chanhee 😘

what the boyz song are you currently obsessed with?

HAS TO BE MAVERICK

love that song

what do you write? (favorite genres; if you're known for fluff/angst/comedy/smut/etc.)

I write everything but smut!! But my readers usually associate me with fluff HAHA

what is a fic/work people should check out from you?

For sure, Affogato Tell Yuu Smth! It’s an exes to lovers SMAU featuring Lee Juyeon and an oc (or you) and it’s my pride and joy!! Took me so long to finish it haha!

▷ read gill's affogato tell yuu smth here!

I'm SEATED for melting point pt 2 ITS SO GOOOOD OMGJDK I CANT WAITT 🩷🩷🩷

AAAAA THANK YOU SM FOR LIKING IT!! I ALSO CAN’T WAIT TO POST MORE ON IT HEHE

HE’S THE ONE 4 ME!

PAIRING. hong seunghan x f!reader

GENRE. angst, fluff, mature themes

SUMMARY. you’re brothers best friend is definitely the one for you

EXTRA INFO. brothers best friend trope fr, short smau, eunseok is ur brother, she fell first he fell harder lol, college au (gonna try to incorporate it more), seunghan is on the baseball team in this au cuz i said so and eunseok is as well but eunseok is captain, no taglist bc i plan to update everyday

PLAYLIST. all mine ; brent faiyaz , tfw (that feeling when) ; enhypen , endlessly ; bixby , open arms ; sza , touch ; keshi , boys ; beach bunny , cloud 9 ; beach bunny , so american ; olivia rodrigo , mine ; taylor swift , cupids chokehold / breakfast in america ; gym class heroes ,

TABLE OF CONTENTS !

ONE - boyfriend #1 (seunghan)

TWO - so seunghan and yn huh

THREE - just observations…

FOUR - well i need him gone

FIVE - okay i do like her

SIX - yns boyfriend?

SEVEN - promise

hope you're doing well <3

Thank you so much! I apologize for taking so long to reply to this message, but I greatly appreciate your concern. I hope you’re doing well too!