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that's him, that's just who he is | tbz kevin moon

» ​PAIRING: tbz kevin moon x gn! reader (proofread but lmk if i missed anything!)​ » TROPE/AU​: childhood friends 2 strangers, highschool and slight uni au!, non-idol au!, idol au! (just kevin towards the end) » GENRE​: once again...angst, fluff and comfort from the flashbacks, kevin being an extremely supportive friend, you're also an extremely supportive friend!, platonic 'i love you's being said, you both met at church, choir and ensemble singing!, you both are shy introverts that are only chaotic with each other » WORD COUNT: 4179 (2k word limit who?) » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~15 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): mentions of Christianity (not sure if it's a 'warning' but i felt like it should be mentioned!), swearing (b-word), mentions stress relating to: academic (high school), music and performing » PLAYLIST: you never know - HSMTMTS, you better know - red velvet, reflection - christina aguilera, steal the show - lauv, try everything - shakira navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist

my second story for my project! this may be my favourite story ever ❤️‍🩹

ahhhh this got so personal so quickly 🥹 performing has always been for leisure for me, and for the same reasons in this story, i got so burnt out last year. writing this really made me realise how much i miss the stage. going from about 7 performances a year to only about 1 is to put it simply, heartbreaking.

but i learnt that there are opportunities. i learnt that i'm satisfied with just getting my voice out to the world whether it be through choir, the internet or on the streets. i think things will work out; time does help sometimes 🫶

for those who may not know, kevin's representative number is 16 🌙 and the meaning of this number is explained in this video! i did some research and found that it's from 1 Peter 5:6.

to my readers who are followers of God: I pray that you will always be filled with hope and joy as you advance in your daily endeavours. Believe that God has the best plans for you and that He will never leave you behind, especially when you are at your lowest. Confide in Him and love Him as much as He loves you.

“Can I sing this part with Kevin?”

The question is new to everyone who heard it. Did you just ask to do a supposed solo with someone else? No, you were not a greedy performer though you understood why most people would think that. The choir conductor looks to the other side of the ensemble where the group of altos stood. Including the older woman, all the children including the said boy stood there surprised at the request you asked for.

You’ve been singing in the church youth choir since you were ten and you were incredibly gifted. For example, you landed most of the solos and smaller ensemble parts whenever there was a chance. At first, you didn’t want to be in this church because you were shy (incredibly shy) and you never made a lot of friends in school and most definitely, outside of school. Needless to say, your parents were pretty worried but at the very least, they found that when you were asked to go to church events, you were able to talk with people, smile, and laugh but then you would go back into your shell.

Your parents met at this church through singing and performing together as part of the choir and the band. The children were around your age but you found that your interests mainly conflicted with them and it was hard to keep up with their conversations.

So, when a certain Moon family moved into your area and started attending their local church, Kevin, who happens to be a boy who is incredibly gifted in music, joined the choir with that unique, radiant, excited smile on his face. With a simple and friendly “Hello everyone. My name is Kevin, I’m fifteen and am very excited to be here!” Contrasting to his introduction, you found that Kevin was just as introverted as you were and with your courage to finally approach someone, you made your first friend. School life became better as well when you found out that Kevin attended the same school as you.

Going back to the first dialogue though, the duet did happen and the church community knew that you both were the perfect musical partners for each other. Your softer soprano voice complimented Kevin’s deeper alto voice easily. You both found yourself auditioning, performing, and showcasing your team work together in a bunch of school, church, and even the larger community-based musical events. 

Now, after eight years of joining the choir, three after meeting Kevin, you were both in a state of uncertainty, distress, and frustration with the piles of sheet music that scattered everywhere to the point where it was almost covering the surface of your room’s floor. Your hair strands were everywhere and you were sick with the school uniform that you’ve had on since seven in the morning. You both have been secluding yourselves in your room, going back and forth with the arrangement of your final high school piece that you are going to perform with Kevin within less than a week.

The current situation in one word: messy. 

It’s all a mess. About a week ago out of nowhere, your voice decided to have its own mind and leave for about a week. Kevin had a sudden test that his teacher thought would be fun to assign at the last minute. You also had this assignment that you were going to do but you found a mistake in the written arrangement, a note that was about a tone and a half out of your range, and since Kevin was better at rhythm, arrangement, and using the composing software, you could only sit next to his left in the corner of your room as he groaned at how the app was not doing what you both wanted to do.

So yes…it’s a mess, and it’s been around three hours.

“This is impossible.” A few more of your tears manage to trickle down your already red, puffy cheeks, “Okay you know what, I’ll just sing it. It’s fine. It’s not even two tones above what I usually sing in AND I’ve done it befo—”

“Lost your voice and felt lightheaded after.” Kevin cuts off your panicked rambles. No doubt, he’s feeling all the things that you are feeling right now but the only reason why he’s still able to muster up a smile and just ‘inhale, exhale’ through it all is because at the very least, one of you should be able to stay grounded, “We’re not going to put out a performance that we’re not proud of, okay? Especially when this is our last high school performance together.”

“We also said that we wouldn’t do any performances that were out of our capabilities.” At these words, you were both reminded of the promise you made to each other in front of your melted ice creams. It was an ‘oath’ that was made when you both realised you would be standing on the same stage, at the same time more often:

We will finish every performance to the best of our capabilities. We will focus more on quality rather than quantity.

At the new educational path that you were about to embark on, automatically closing this one that you’ve been on for just about six years, you were both starting to get greedy, wanting more than anything now to be on stage. With you both turning eighteen, you both couldn’t sing with the youth choir anymore. Taking music as a subject in high school meant there was a certain prerequisite in terms of how many stages you would have to perform; you and Kevin always exceeded this regardless with solos, duets, or larger ensembles. With graduation, however, the granted opportunity to perform would be taken away from you both and you were getting restless.

You were both greedy, forgetting almost all the other priorities that you had set out, and raked the internet for any chances to perform on stage. For the last two months, both of you have been juggling between your heavy study load, auditioning, composing, arranging, practising, and bowing at the end of it all. To the untrained ear, they could have probably missed the way you were momentarily out of tune or the way that Kevin missed his entry due to his fatigue. The greed consumed you both and most of the stages that you performed were nowhere near satisfactory for any standards that you both set for yourself. After the first performance that you were bashing yourself over, you rationalised that you would need to do another one to make up for the ‘loss’ from the previous one. That you NEED to go to another stage to make up for the ‘loss’ from the previous one.

That cycle is deadly and it keeps going for a while.

“Kev…I’m tired.” It feels like after a whole three years of back-to-back, almost seemingly non-stop performances in addition to the sudden addition from the past two months, you have finally hit a wall that you never wanted to admit. Kevin didn’t need verbal words to know the reason behind the lack of enthusiasm and the way the lyrics sing are no longer as projected and emotionful as before; because it was the same way to him.

“I know…” Kevin sighs. He finally relieves the downward strain on his neck, pulling it back up to rest against the wall. Offering you both comfort, he wraps his arm around the back of your shoulder, his palm pulling your left forearm to get you closer to him, “I’m sorry, I can’t get this right.”

“No, don’t say that.” You finally give in, plopping your head on his left shoulder in defeat, “I’m sorry. You’re doing your best.”

You let most of the silence fill you both, the hints of the trackpad clicking and the way the note that Kevin clicked would play out of his laptop’s speaker to audibly confirm the note that he just readjusted on the musical lines. Kevin’s left hand is maneuvering on the trackpad while his hand pats on your head that rested on his left shoulder, humming comfortingly while you calm your racing thoughts.

“But hey.” Kevin finally speaks up, “I just wanted to say that I like how busy this is making me.” Nodding to his own words, “It makes me forget the other subjects for a while.”

You exhale, knowing how much Kevin has been having a hard time with the other core subjects but still wakes up every day and chooses to smile courageously, “But this isn’t the right way. To forget other things, I mean.”

“I know, I know.” The boy lets out a little ‘aha’ when he finally finds the rhythm that you both wanted, playing the bar again and again, tapping his index finger on his thigh as he follows the 4/4 count, “But hey, thanks for accepting this performance even with all the final year-end exams. Or else I would REALLY be overthinking that recent chemistry test.”

“Love you, bro.” Reminding him thoughtfully to calm the noise in his head, “I’m always here for you.”

“Love you too, sis.” Playfully, he makes a fist and gently taps your forehead with his knuckles, emitting a laugh from you, “Just take a rest, okay? I’ll just,” Kevin adjusts his slouching posture, straightening his back fully against the wall so that his shoulders are higher and more comfortable for you to lay on, “be on another war with this app. You would expect I know all the tricks after using it for a year but guess not.”

So yes, it was a bit of a mess but on the bright side, you are both extremely proud of that final stage together as high school students. It earned a huge round of applause from the audience and many thankful regards were given by all the teachers in the department of music. It was a bittersweet feeling to see the head of music cry at the realisation that he would never see his two best students attend his class anymore but he made you both promise to visit once in a while.

But the performance being an open event, neither of you realised the opportunities or the types of people that would attend the concert. And so here you both are in an educational setting but with casual clothing unlike the blazer, tie, and the one hundred percent cotton blouses that you were forced to wear.

“Gosh Kev, you’re so funny!” Kevin smiles nervously, biting on his bottom lip as he refuses to look at you at all. You continued to laugh a little bit more, the tears in your eyes and the stitch on your abdomen growing with each breath you took. It’s when Kevin doesn’t laugh along or show any indications of joining in that you raise your eyebrows, some sort of nervousness in your eyes, “Wait, you’re being serious?!”

“It’s crazy, I know!” You just stare at him in shock, your mouth hanging wide open at your best friend next to you, “I think I’ll take the chance and university can wait. People can apply to university anytime but this?” He is finally telling you his worries and thoughts that have been running endlessly after two months of keeping it in, “It’s kind of time crucial.”

"Yes,” You understood his worries, knowing that the life of being a celebrity or an idol is quite limited. It has never been said explicitly but at least for Korean companies, there is a reason why there is always a certain age limitation when auditioning, “I get that but Kevin, are you sure? I get that you've always been into music and you've always been good at it! Trust me, I know! But you've always wanted to be here as well! You never really wanted to be a musical artist."

"That's why life is crazy right?"

You just finished your last class of the day and surprisingly Kevin shows up, waiting for you, looking conflicted and stressed about a subject that you obviously did not know about. His tired smile told you everything, you being able to read him easily like an open book. Kevin realises this, his shoulder slumping in defeat with how you look at him in concern and he feels your hesitation to keep the conversation going.

“Your ‘passive-aggressive tiger parents’ are good with it?”

“Well,” Reminded of the day that Stella convinced their parents to let him go with his path and to support his desires, “I guess so? They let me do everything and introduced me to music so it ain't my fault!" He finally turns to you for the first time after the laughing fit, "You’ll support me right?"

"Of course I will!" You confirm incredulously, both your eyebrows raising and the volume of the sentence rising with each word, “Damn we only met a bit over three years ago but it really does feel like we’ve been friends since birth.”

Kevin shrugs, happy with your genuine response to his uncertainties, “I’m just cool in that way.”

A roll of your eyes is your only response to him, “So, when’s the last time that I’ll see your ‘slay’ful face?”

He grimaces at the way you worded the adjective, “Ew, what is that word?” But then the truth had to be dropped someday; that being right now, “Y-Yeah about that.”

“Kevin Moon.” You frown at the way he just whistles to avoid the subject, an obvious action to buy time, “Kevin.”

"Not too soon! Like…like five days…"

Comedically, the crows on the campus made their signature noise and you took in the information slowly.

"WHAT THE BLEEP DUDE?!"

"OKAY IN MY DEFENCE I REALLY DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO DO! YOU KNOW HOW INDECISIVE I AM!"

"OKAY BUT YOU NEVER BOTHERED TO TELL ME?!"

"I'M SORRY!"

Smiling at the obvious decrease in the stack of papers that needed to be marked, you decide to stretch your limbs and take a breath of fresh air before your energetic third graders arrive at school. You really left it to the last minute and you can’t wait to finish the last day of the week so that you can chill until another week starts. The weather was strangely gloomy, possibly due to the rainfall and the colder wind. You kind of regretted coming out, especially since the steam from your coffee no longer had that hypnotising white swirl in the air.

But you didn’t leave.

Instead, you even lean over the balcony’s metal railing. Even with the long sleeve covering your elbows, you enjoyed the contrast between your still-healthy body temperature and the icy surface. You weren’t sure why either but you just wanted to bask in the cold air and you can only pray that you weren’t going to get sick. The weather causes your shoulders to tense, bringing them towards the centre of your body to try and conserve some heat. It didn’t work that well but you were still feeling some sort of comfort with the morning weather. 

You didn’t realise the time that passed by faster when you were practically doing nothing. The driveway, parking lots, and walkways eventually fill themselves with the diverse colours of school bags, shoes, and hair accessories. Mentally preparing yourself for the day ahead, you prepared your ‘teacher smile’, trying your best to hide your fatigue from the seemingly long week. 

"Teacher, teacher!" 

You finally lean away from the railing, giving a slight nod to the parent of your most energetic student, and the gesture is returned straight away. Crouching down to match his eye level, you put your palm out to him and he slaps his palm on yours, "Wow. Looks like someone had too much sugar."

"Teacher! Do you know K-Pop?" Your body froze just like the raindrops that didn’t make it to the floor, hanging solid on the rooftop’s overhang, "It's a huge thing right now!"

Oh, if only he knew…

"I can hear your rumbling thoughts like an open book." After his flustered state and a string of apologies that led you to put him in a joking headlock, Kevin grew quiet once again, letting his thoughts fill in the atmosphere between you both, "What's up? And don't lie because you know you suck at it."

The boy attempts to change the subject again, "If it's a book then wouldn't it be read instead of heard?"

"...ok smartass." You stare at him unimpressed with his attempt, "But no seriously, what's up? You know that it's okay not to be okay."

"It's just that…" He ponders, a sad smile on his face as he thinks about his current life situation, "My life is fine as it is right now. It's all great: I'm going to a good university, studying the course I want and I'm looking forward to being a teacher." An eyebrow slowly raised on your side, prompting him to continue, "Why is this happening now? Why is this happening when everything is going fine?" Kevin's facade finally breaks, his eyes pooling with tears with the many unanswered questions, "Why didn't this opportunity come earlier? Maybe when I wasn't in university? I can't even get a refund now…"

"Hey…" Kevin rarely cries in public. For one, you've only seen him cry twice and both times were because he dived in too deep with his plans, making him depressed and lost. You realised once again, with the tears that fell on his jeans that Kevin is not the happy-go-lucky guy who he displays himself to be most of the time. He's human above everything else and even though he always tries to see the best in every situation, it's moments like these that you see your best friend in a different light than the rest of the world, "Money is not all to life, you know? What's the point of stacking up money when you can't even do what you want?"

"But then why would people be so money-crazed then? People work for money…"

"To use it on what they love and need. Some people don't even feel like work is for money." Even though Kevin just stares down at the floor, swinging his legs in the air, you know that he's taking in everything you're saying, "But that's beside the point right now, okay? If making the stage your usual routine will lead you to happiness, then I want you to take it." 

"But…why?" The clause can never be fully answered and Kevin knew that despite his multiple endeavours to rake for answers, "Why me? When everything is going well?"

"Because God has different plans for you." Inhaling the colder air, you told yourself to remember this moment between you and him, "I'm not saying you're pretending to be someone you're not. But the moment that you stop pretending, the moment you accept that something out there is better for you, I think will be the moment when you finally accept yourself."

"Are you positive that it'll come?" His voice decreased, along with the final bits of his self-confidence, "The journey of self-acceptance, I mean."

You both have been talking in hushed whispers, as gentle as the whistling wind. But you decide to finally add confidence into the conversation.

"Hey Kevin." The said boy looks up to you, "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand…"

"...that he may lift you in due time." He finishes the biblical passage that he has been fascinated with for the longest time. 

Satisfied, you nod, proud of him, "I can't answer your 'whys', Kevin. To be honest, I don’t think anyone can." You finally voice your opinion, knowing now that your time with him is limited, "But just know that even though you would have strived here in university, one of God's greatest gifts for you is your musicality."

Your words relieve Kevin of his headache, heartache, and the shirt that he has been clamping since the start of the day. You chuckle when Kevin asks for a hug, opening your arms wide to offer him the best comfort that he will forever cherish and be thankful for. Soothingly, you sway your body side to side, humming the melody to the latest (and last) song that you performed together. Kevin joins in with his harmony which has always left people in awe and starstruck.

"Maybe you're just meant to be up there and twerk in front of the camera and not just to our friends." You comment when the song comes to an end.

"Wow, alright." His sniffles didn't cease even when he dragged the final 'w' and 't'.

"You'll be okay, Kevin." The light but secure taps on his back prove your reassuring words, "I know you will." 

"Surely…right?" It's the final question that he would ever ask you about this subject, "As we know, not everything we see on the screen is real. I just feel like I'll lose myself because the idol world wants us to be a certain way."

"No, I don't think you will." You pull Kevin away, pouting at his flushed cheeks and tired face, "I know it's stressful to keep up with society but I hope you know that there will be people that will love and support you. And if you make a mistake? If you lose yourself in shape, way, or form? Then you fight. You fight for your rights and fight for them righteously. You’ll fight because like you always say: learn from relationships. You learn the do's and not do's and still keep the relationship genuine."

“You have that much faith in me?”

“I do.” You tilt your chin high in the air, confidence finally reaching him in the form of a bright smile, "And for those who don’t,” You shake your head, flipping your hair back sassily, “those bitches can walk out the door."

You remember the memory somewhat fondly. To be honest, you found it a bit funny because you lost your best friend over music. You would learn after his departure that you would never find a friend like him ever again. Ironically, it was music that brought you two together—yet it was the same thing that drifted you both apart. 

It took a while for you to bounce back. You grew bitter about doing music especially when Kevin no longer answered any of your messages anymore out of nowhere. When you bumped into Stella while grocery shopping, you found out that it was because of his phone ban as a trainee. You remember going home that day, feeling guilty that you blamed him, not considering his external situation; especially when you knew that Kevin would never cut someone off without an explanation. Yes, it’s been lonely; you did lose your best friend after all. At first, you regretted letting him go, you resented him for not texting you back and you avoided the stage because it reminded you of him.

But God had a different plan for you too. Because when you accidentally clicked on one of the recommended videos on your page, the satisfied smile, the happy tears and the relieved exhale showed your real feelings that you were merely in a phase of confusion. All the hate, all the resentment, all faded as soon as you heard the slightly changed vocal timbre that you unfortunately are no longer used to. You found peace with the person who dances happily underneath the flashing, colourful lights with ten other boys.

“Teacher?” The boy’s innocent head tilt pulls you back to the present time and he seems pleased with the way you nod to his question, “I like K-Pop too! I found this group! They’re called THE BOYZ!”

You were amazed at the stars that the topic put to your student’s eyes and you nodded intently to his excited story. It’s not long after when the mother pushes her child in, sitting him down so that you can get on with your priorities. You straighten your knees, standing back up, pushing your hips out side to side to stretch from the unexpectedly long conversation.

“Damn, Kev…” Your shoulders and chest rise at the deep breath and your hands find their place on your hips,  “And after all these years…you’re still able to make me smile?”

The starting bell rang just in time for your last student to arrive just before you closed the glass door to block out the outside background noise. With the final student ready and set up, you stand in front of the electronic board that displays the first class of the day. Your mind begins to wonder again, particularly about the boy that you once shared a dream with. Routinely, you rhythmically clap to grab everyone’s attention, and surely enough, the conversations between the students die down, and you give back the fond look that your students gave you. 

“Shall we start music class?”

The enthusiastic response answers your wondering thoughts and the question you asked yourself outside the classroom.

“Guess that’s just you, Kevin. That’s just who you are, Kev.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

especially to you... | series introduction

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series masterlist

"why are you writing?"

it's a question that i ask myself all the time as i'm working through my stories 💻 when i am making my banners 🎨 when i'm re-reading my stories 📖 when i'm casually walking 🎧 when i think of the (previous) day's events at 4am ☀️

like i said in my about me, i started because of english atar but i continued because i enjoyed it 💞

but then, i asked myself a more specific question:

"what kind of stories do you want to share?"

this series is centred around me 💐

the things i'm scared of 😞 the ones that have stopped me in life 😟 the regrets and the hardships 😡 that life has thrown at me.

what i hope to do is pair all of my hardships 🌧️ with something that makes me smile or leave me with a question/statement that i will hopefully be able to resolve soon ⛅ so kind of like classical and operant conditioning (this whole idea is inspired by the two) 🥹 by pairing the two, i hope that i'll be able to be calm whenever i think of the certain hardship and find the drive to face the world 🌍 with a stronger mindset 💪 i don't want to live in the past anymore 🔐

i really don't want to lose to my fears and anxiety anymore ❤️‍🩹

because life is unpredictable and will continuously throw me challenges, this series will never end.

the masterlist for this series will be a compilation of stories that i've written, marked with what hardship it's centred around and the thing that makes me happy 😊

here's to me who has held all the things in her heart all alone 🤝 i'm so proud of where you are now! 🫂 given the circumstances that you had to deal with and the things that you've had access to, look at you, smiling proudly as you look into the mirror 🥺 keep going, girl! 🥰

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series masterlist tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

especially to you... | masterlist

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction

☂ - angst | ♡ - fluff | ➳ - hurt/comfort | ⋆⁺₊ - suggestive | ʚ - external challenges | ɞ - internal challenges

this summer... | tbz lee jaehyun | hyunjae ☂ ♡ ➳ ɞ

🌧️: to the izzy who has had a lot of physical changes ⛅: thank you for everyone who loves me for who i am and made me realise that i'm very swayed by society's ideologies

i'm home | tbz lee sangyeon ☂ ♡ ➳ ʚ

🌧️: to the izzy who has had many opportunities to go overseas for hobbies and/or academic purposes but turned it all down ⛅: hearing how others had a good time abroad makes me hope that someday if the right time and place comes along, maybe it could be me too

that's him, that's just who he is | tbz kevin moon ☂ ♡ (just a little bit) ʚ ɞ

🌧️: to the izzy who was anxious that she wouldn't be able to get a chance to be on the stage ⛅: my favourite moon, kevin moon!

[17:58] | tbz kim sunwoo ☂ ➳ ɞ

🌧️: to the izzy who is learning to hold on to the happiness that other people can give her and to live in the present moment with them ⛅: dbn loves

[03:21] | tbz kim sunwoo ♡ ➳ ʚ

🌧️: to the izzy that is going through a new journey in her uni life after thinking a lot about the new opportunity given ⛅: izzy, you 100% miss the chances you don't take. you're doing well. congratulations on getting this offer! hold onto hope and believe in yourself!

cupid's mistake | tbz kim sunwoo ☂ ♡ ➳ ʚ ɞ

🌧️: to the izzy that's lost trust ⛅: not everyone is the same

"what do you think of flowers/bouquets?" | tbz ot11 text messages | hyung 🤍 98 🤍 maknae ☂ ♡ ➳ ʚ ɞ

🌧️: to the izzy that is compared to delicate, fragile flowers ⛅: no flowers can grow without the sun and rain

that's him, that's just who he is | tbz choi chanhee | new ☂ ♡ ʚ ɞ

🌧️: to the izzy that is unhealthily obsessed with saving money to the point that misses out on a lot of things and regrets a lot of things ⛅: my favourite penguin and one of my favourite vocal timbre, choi chanhee!

[03:10] | tbz kim sunwoo ☂ ♡ ➳ ʚ ɞ

🌧️: to the izzy that is scared and is stressed about sleeping ⛅: learning to take it step by step and accept that sleeping can be rewarding. thank you to my supportive friends!

yesterday's petal | nct na jaemin ☂ (slight ♡) ɞ

🌧️: everyone seems to fit in with each other so easily and so well ⛅: and even though i have friends close to me, who love me as i am, i sometimes can't help but wonder: someday, will i be left out?

every day is a lovely day... | tbz lee juyeon ☂ ♡ ➳ ɞ

🌧️: short reflections about all of earth's life forms and how we all go through different difficulties and challenges ⛅: being appreciative with the world

love me unconditionally | tbz kim sunwoo | teaser 🤍 full ☂ ♡ ➳ ʚ ɞ

🌧️: to the me that is scared of being too much and too burdensome for others, stemming from other aspects of life that led to insecurity ⛅: if you find the right people, they would never make you feel that way

[21:15] | nct huang renjun ☂ ♡ ➳ ʚ ɞ

🌧️: the the izzy who hated looking at the mirror ⛅: learning to love how to love every single part of me. thank you to my supportive friends!

[00:05] | nct na jaemin (scheduled!!)

🌧️: i'm living in a high-paced world where time doesn't and will never wait for me ⛅: and as much as i cry over that, i will keep continuing to do my best with every second that i get

one more chance | tbz lee jaehyun | hyunjae (coming soon!)

🌧️: to the girl who made another name for herself to forget all the traumas that was attached with her birth name ⛅: with the new and own-chosen name, the hope to heal and create more lifelong memories

untitled | tbz kim sunwoo (coming soon!) collaboration with @??

🌧️: to the girl who threw herself away to stick to the rules ⛅: may you learn to always listen to your heart and what it desires

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

[17:58] | tbz kim sunwoo

» ​PAIRING: tbz kim sunwoo x gn!reader (proofread a couple of times but pls tell me if i missed something!)​ » TROPE/AU​: friends to ??, friends to strangers, friends to 'just classmates', miscommunication (?) trope, i'm sorry i have no idea how to explain this tbh..., high school au!, non-idol au! » GENRE​: angsty hurt but fluffy comfort, 'friendship' breakup (with the intention of coming back together when time is right!), they both say "i love you" to each other and it's meant to be platonic but it can be interpreted romantically, if you do interpret it romantically then mutual pining that is somewhat figured out in the end???, sunwoo is also very comforting, loving, patient and understanding to reader's own worries and trusts reader in their personal journey as they figures out their own hardships in life » WORD COUNT: 3576​ » ESTIMATED READING TIME: 13 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): hardships with past relationships with others, anxiety and fear regarding making bonds with other people, running away as a mechanism to escape reality

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

how blessed i am to have you beside me when real life doesn't work out. how blessed i am to be able to go on the main chat and just be myself. how blessed i am to be able to call you my friends. how blessed i am to be accepted by people over the internet, who ended up supporting me in one of the hardest times of my life.

i love you all. i'm sorry that i'm unable to include everyone but i hope you know that in friendship groups, everyone has an effect on one another. even if person a isn't close to person c, person b may be the reason why you're still in the same group together. we all influence each other and i love you all so much.

i'm so sorry for everything.

"So what? That's it?"

The solemn tone in his voice makes the hues of orange and pink in the sky behind him take away the beauty of the scene you both love. It seemed that even the birds that would usually sing beautifully at this time stopped as soon as you opened the door of your house, knowing well who used his entire fist to bang on your door.

Sunwoo's bangs stuck to his forehead well, showing the physical exertion that his body took to get to your house. His school blouse is half untucked and you realise that maybe he rushed out of gym class in the last period because of his mismatched buttons and how his tie wasn't around his collar properly. His eyes flared with a hint of sadness though the confusion and anger masked most of the emotion behind. Your eyes diverted down to his untied shoelace. Usually, you would scold him and he would give that annoying smile to you, shrugging his shoulders and being completely relaxed whilst answering you with a "You're going to do it for me anyways." Judging by his slumped-over school bag, you guessed that he probably threw it to your 'welcome' carpet as soon as he arrived—even though he knew that he probably wasn't considering that you've been avoiding his entire presence for a whole month.

But even when Sunwoo looks at you with that heartbroken gaze straight to your tired, cold eyes, you don't utter any words to him. The slight bounce of your head made him turn his head away, clenched fists beside his body. You also found your arms crossing around your waist, palms hooked around your figure and your fingers wrapped around your body to ground the tears that you knew would flow if you didn't keep telling yourself to 'keep it together'.

"Don't you think I deserve some kind of explanation?" 

Just from a glance at him, you note the tiredness on his face even with his furrowed eyebrows. Not once did he raise his voice at you even though you can see how he's holding back with how tense his jaw is.

"God, Sunwoo." You exclaim to him with a sarcastic laugh after, "I get that we literally became the best of friends as soon as we met two months ago but shit happens and you can't expect an explanation for everything that happens."

"Of course not!" Sunwoo's voice rises though it doesn't seem to shock you. "Shit happens, I know! But at the same time, I never thought our friendship was so weak and insignificant that you could ignore me for more than a month. I know you read my messages! The app can't show me that but I know!"

"Ok fine, I did!" You spill the truth that you've been holding back. "What are you going to do about it? They’re my messages, not yours!"

Sunwoo didn't know how to counter that. Maybe there wasn't a way to counter the statement because it's true. But you both knew that the unresponded messages were only the tip of the iceberg of why Sunwoo finally decided to confront you for your isolation from him.

"What happened?" Fragile and weak, shoulder dropping closer to the ground, "Talk to me. I'm here for you."

And he breaks. 

The tears that he only released in his bedroom were finally showing itself. He didn't think that it would be infront of you first. He thought that maybe his other friends would see it first but that one tear that escaped was the start of his waterfall. 

"You wouldn't understand." You slightly scowl at the innocent boy, forcing the words between your teeth, "I mean that wholeheartedly and not from some cliche teen romance movie shit." 

The venomous response he gets to his genuine question only makes Sunwoo frown further and he verbally starts to express the tears from his eyes. Seeing him cry and swallow down his whimpers struck a chord in your own confusing heart as well.

The truth is that you're scared. 

You're scared as hell.

You're scared of the fact that even though you met Sunwoo two months ago, you grew so fast to him.

There were days that sometimes he would understand you more than your best friend of five years.

Do you know how scary that is? 

To connect with someone so fast that sometimes all you want to do after a long day is to text them about all the minuscule things to the bigger things that would make your jaw drop.

To open that messaging app, spam him with short sentences, and feel the guilt of passing the dot beside the other messages that your other friends sent first, to just open your conversation with him first?

The confusion that you finally felt at home with someone so quickly and that you felt that when you never expected it to happen? All you ever wanted from your relationship with others was to be included.

Kim Sunwoo did just that in a span of a month compared to five years.

You would spend nights figuring out how it happened but no matter how much you thought of it, you couldn't find that one specific message and timestamp both in your phone or memories of how you would wake up and just hope for a chaotic message from him. 

One mutual turned to two, which turned to three and the euphoric feeling increased exponentially. However, so did the fear escalated further when you got included in the group chat with the friends that he had before you both met. 

You have always been amazed at their friendship. Despite the small age difference here and there between each person, despite using honorifics to still respect that age gap, it never stopped the radiant chaoticness that they brought everywhere they went, in everything they did. Their personalities that are so different but work together so well to the point that it makes you believe that opposites do attract.

Their differing body clocks that would mean that the group chat never dies no matter where the clock hands land. Being able to connect with them, making genuine bonds through all the bullying (that is full of love), heart-to-heart or supportive conversations, relatable life struggles relating to schoolwork and living, fangirling about their achievements in life, asking for help with things that you’re confused about, the fun flirtings that would leave the others speechless—you realise that this is all you've ever wanted and the fact that you received it when you were at your lowest guard, scared every single part of you.

The very first few moments when you came, you were jealous of their bond, wondering how they became so close even through their differences. Then, as time passed and you inserted yourself in the conversations, it felt like you were flying across a cloudless sky, feeling reassured that your wings wouldn't get wet from the rain. After, you became scared of your presence with them, scared of ultimately breaking them apart.

But, do you know the irony of it all? 

You were the one who decided to ignore not only Sunwoo but every single kind-hearted person there. No one pushed that on you. But whenever they would post their photos on the group chat for distribution, reminisce their memories together, or when you would hear one of them talk about it with people outside the group chat, you find yourself jealous and hurt that you weren't part of it all.

Does anyone understand the confusion, guilt, self-hate and pain that it all brings?

"How do you know if I would understand or not if all you've done is left me on read in an app that can't even tell me that?"

Your breath hitches and your voice box only lets out a small gasp. Everything Sunwoo is saying is correct because everything is due to your insecurities and fear that everything will just fall apart. You truly believe in the fact that nothing lasts forever. That belief alone is the reason why you have trouble making friends.

Because for you, why would you put yourself in so much happiness that your cheeks would hurt from the laughter and smiles when you know that everything would end anyway?

But at the same time, your heart is trying to pull you in the opposite direction. Because in a similar logic, if you know that nothing lasts forever, why can't you just accept that fact and cherish him, the memories and the times that you could potentially spend together?

"Sunwoo," right now, you allowed the facts to speak out for you, refusing to follow what you truly wanted, "you have been blessed with the most lovely, encouraging and supportive group of friends. You and me," your index finger points to your chest after pointing at his, "we have experienced totally different friendships."

Sunwoo is beyond confused. Of course, he would be. You've never even given him a chance to understand your experiences. What you did was isolate yourself from him and the group chat that has given you hope that maybe, just maybe, this is your group of people. Your heart broke beyond what you could even comprehend when some of them personally sent a message to you, asking your whereabouts and hoping that you were doing well. On lonely nights as you monitor the cheerful group chat, all you can do is intertwine your hands together around your phone, the tips of your fingers turning white due to the pressure as you hold yourself back from including yourself in the fun conversation.

"Sorry but maybe I'm just not ready."

Sunwoo watches your blank stare, your eyes that used to be so full of glimmer and happiness are now void. He took in the fact that you were probably half-conscious at the current moment as you just stared at whatever was just above his shoulder in the distance but he didn't need to turn around to know that you were not focusing on anything in particular.

He wipes the tears that clouded his view of you before carefully asking, "For what?" 

Your shoulders rise but they hold their position for a second longer before falling back down, "For whatever this friendship is."

Your eyes catch the way his eyebrows crash together as well as the audible nervous gulp and shaky lips, "Is our friendship just 'whatever' to you now?" The volume decreases with each word in the question.

The heaviness in your heart that you carried the past month started to take its toll on your head and you closed your eyes to focus on the chilling wind hitting your face. Sunwoo watches quietly, still waiting patiently for you to ground yourself back to the present. The boy watches your arms untangle from your chest, dropping back to the side of your body and he finds himself wishing that if he stepped forward and opened his arms, you would reciprocate the same loving action back. 

But he knew you wouldn't. Not now when you flutter your eyes open so delicately with an emotion that he has never seen from you.

"I'll always love you, Sunwoo.” 

These are the words that manage to both break and put the pieces of his heart back together. There is no way he could admit it to you now, especially with how things are going but deep down in the lonely past month that he spent, it’s the exact words that he has been waiting and wanting to say to you as he wishes that he could hear it back from you. Now that he has heard it straight from you, not through written text or a voice message, but face to face, his world starts to rebuild itself slowly.

You both only focused on each other’s faces like it would be the last time you both would ever be able to do so. You straighten your back, no longer slumping and cowering away in fear now that you’ve said the words that have always been on your mind. With your slightly newfound confidence and a somewhat lighter heart, Sunwoo sees a bit of colour start to paint your once-pale skin. Your slightly pink cheeks that are in the same beautiful shade as your lips. Your eyelashes that flutter silently in the cold weather around you—and he finds himself wanting to bring your body in a hug to bring some warmth for you both—and finally, your eyes that held all the stories, ones spoken and unspoken, the same ones that he would eventually find himself thanking the teacher for assigning your seat next to his. 

In the silence that held many meanings for you both, you observe your best friend as well. Your neck tilts slightly to accommodate the height difference, watching how some of his bangs are now free from his sweat and are now in a mess due to the wind, his big round eyes that would disappear mischievously whenever he would tease you about something, only to soon have his bright, wide smile mirrored back to your face. You realise now more than ever that you may never see that cute gummy smile of his anytime soon. 

But you needed to be true to yourself. You needed to figure out your feelings first before you could commit to another friendship that could tear you apart once again. 

You needed to learn to love yourself again before you could go and introduce yourself to others.

Through your friendship with Sunwoo, though short and sweet but still special, you promise that after this, you will never put someone else in this kind of feeling ever again. Things would change from now on and there’s very little that you can do regarding your friendship with Sunwoo now, especially when you were the one who made the mess.

Maybe now after this revelation, he wouldn’t want to be near you anymore or maybe he will wait for you. Maybe he won’t tap on your shoulder anymore during class when you’re dazing off into the gloomy sky and just let you get in trouble with your teacher who will have called your name multiple times. Maybe as he passes by the hallway, his arms around his friends, he won’t even spare you a glance, reserving his smile for just them instead.

But again, there’s nothing you can do now. The words have been said and actions regarding the words have already been carried out.

Did you regret it? 

The shortest and fastest answer: Yes. 

Maybe you could’ve just come clean and told him how you feel. Sunwoo would then do that thing where you both would walk to the nearby park by the school and listen to your rants patiently, straightening and bending his legs as he sits on the swing to give him a bit of momentum, nodding thoughtfully to your worries. Then after, he would stretch his arm from behind the chains and pat your slumped back rhythmically. Just like every single time after that, you would both go for a bubble tea run before Sunwoo would panic text you about an assignment or homework that he forgot to complete and you would panic with him, helping him through the all-nighter that you both have gotten concerningly used to.

…gosh, why didn’t you just do that?

If this friendship was going to end anyway, why didn’t you take the easier, non-confusing, less painful way for the both of you? Why did you have to drag others through so much heartbreak just because of your cowardice? Why did you have to be so unthoughtful and unfair to everything and everyone that you genuinely love? You don't care if you have to get hurt as long as they're fine.

Please…just not them.

You are so unfair, unkind and selfish. He was the one pulling the weight of the friendship and you led him on blindly with that fake smile of yours, pretending that everything was fine. The audacity of you to even wish during the times when you cried alone underneath the blanket that he would forgive you. 

You wouldn’t blame him if he didn’t—that thought also extended to your other ten dear friends too.

A few more minutes pass and you are the one who breaks the prolonged eye contact after putting the features of his face into your memory. Sunwoo could only let out a solemn smile, his feet planted still on the ground even though his legs shook a little bit and he clasped his hands together infront of him, looking down at the grey pavement of your entrance for the first time since he arrived.

“Okay.”

The words seemed more permanent than both of you liked but it was the only response that Sunwoo could give to you at the moment. He missed the way you dropped your head to face the ground. Your body moves to lean over to one side of the doorframe, both your hands reaching over to clench the white metal to keep your posture and emotions somewhat stable.

The bag that was in your field of vision gets dragged away from your figure and you know from the shadow that Sunwoo is dusting off the dirt, ready to walk away for the day—from the friendship that you ruined. The sun behind him has almost fully hidden itself behind the taller buildings that you would have always thanked whenever you were in your room, wanting to get away from its scorching heat and intense light but now, you wished it would stay around longer…just a little bit longer. 

But maybe, Sunwoo is your sun and he hears your internal pleading because he steps forward, his everyday school sneakers coming into your view. 

“Whenever you’re ready, alright?”

Maybe it was your growing heartache and headache but the way he mutters it, just a volume above the singing crickets as the birds retreat their song for the day, seemed genuine. Most importantly though, it didn’t seem permanent at all. It’s almost as if Sunwoo is telling you indirectly that he will always wait for you. To tell you to figure out your internal fight first but that he’ll always give you a helping hand and that boba treat if you ever call him for help. To tell you that he will always get you in trouble during class and stick his tongue out if he’s successful. To tell you to stop ignoring him in school now that he is getting some sort of closure from you. 

Thankful for the memories and comfort, your head rises from the depths of your darkness and Sunwoo shines brighter than the huge star behind him. For what you both know will be the last one in a while, Sunwoo purposely lets out a loud sigh, one that is playful and is accommodated by the upturned corner of his lips before resting his open palm on the top of your head.

“I will always wait for you.” 

To his words, the stars in your eyes fell and for once, you were glad that you finally showed your tears to him. You hoped that he would know just how much you are genuinely sorry for all of this. Giving him an actually convincing nod that he seemed to accept. You watch your best friend stuff his hands inside his pocket, turning away from your front door and walking his way back down the stairs to being just classmates—just for now.

No more words were exchanged after and everything seems to pass by excruciatingly slow. Neither of you had the courage and strength left in your being to call out for the other anymore. Sunwoo would go back to his friends and you would be left alone but that’s alright because you love them all. You would gladly kick yourself out of the picture if it meant that there would be no awkwardness or unsettling feeling in the group.

As soon as Sunwoo disappears from your sight, he takes all the happiness and warmth that he would offer to you unconditionally, but you also hope that he left all his worries and frustrations here at your front door. The clicking of the door when you close it is empty and the dragging steps that you take to the other end of the hallway to your room are still heavy. You had no more words for the devil in your head that laughed at you victoriously, the insecurities bouncing from the purple walls of your room as you sat at the edge of your bed.

But when your phone turns on with a notification that you didn’t expect, you know that the angel inside your head will be working their hardest to strengthen your mindset. There, visible from your lock screen is a new message from Sunwoo. Between your sniffles, you manage to let out a momentary chuckle at the new profile picture: Sunwoo behind you wrapping his arms around your neck, holding his phone out on selfie mode for the both of you to smile at—it’s the latest picture of you both. Your eyes then divert to the new message, one that would push you to keep going until you could face him once more and be back in his arms:

“I’ll always love you too.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

hi @nasangel! sorry this is late but thank you sm for reading my story and the cute comments! 🤭

maybe...some tissues? 🥹

[19:32] | tbz kim sunwoo

» ​PAIRING: tbz kim sunwoo x pregnant fem reader​ » TROPE/AU​: uhhhh...i don't think there's a trope for this one 🤔 established relationship au! marriage au! » GENRE​: husband sunwoo, fluffy fluffy fluff fluff, slight angst, ​comforting sunwoo, loving sunwoo, patient sunwoo, hurt/comfort » WORD COUNT: ​1868 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~7 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): pregnancy, vomiting and sickness, insecurities

this was my first ever timestamp story! ahhhh the memories from re-reading this 😍

i didn't want to change it much (changed one sentence) but it's more proofread now 🤭 this gathered 183 notes (14 rbs, 169 likes) and even though it hurts that i can't see that evidence anymore, i'm glad it got that much love!! this is very overdue but thank you so much 🫶

navi/masterlist!!

You never knew that pregnancy would be this hard. 

Whenever you asked your mum about her pregnancy journey, she would always have a smile on her face, telling you all the exciting milestones; first positive test, telling other people the news, first ultrasound, first time there was a definite belly bump, first movement, buying items for you or your big brother and the list goes on.

Your mum didn’t leave out the other side of pregnancy though and in particular the sickness and depleted self-confidence due to the new changes in the body internally and externally. However, your mum only experienced a few episodes of morning sickness (compared to your grandma or her already mum friends) and you were nowhere like your mum.

“Please…” The tears in your eyes only accumulated over the past hour or so and the clock on the opposite side of the bathroom was becoming blurry. You could only murmur out whispers of pain and begs that this episode would pass by soon; and before Sunwoo would arrive home.

Kim Sunwoo has been the best husband ever. You thought that he was already perfect and loving but with all the new challenges and experiences in life, there was no way that you couldn’t fall for him even more day by day and the silver band around your ring finger is one of the evidences for that. 

Trudging to stand up from the kneeling position, the small whispers turned into louder cries by the second. The headache was killing you, your knees felt so cold and you could still taste the acidity of your stomach in your mouth. The flush button feels so out of reach unlike the first three times you pushed it and you eventually gave up for a bit to rest your forehead on the toilet seat, “God please…”

Still with all of these rough patches during your pregnancy, your blurry eyes could still see the purple shirt that covered your little pregnancy bump and with shaky hands, you soothed the little bean inside of you, “Can’t wait to meet you, baby. Your dad and I can’t wait to finally hold you in our arms.”

As if your child is listening, a little kick could be felt as if acknowledging their mother’s loving words. You could only sob while chuckling, still softly rubbing your stomach and whispering sweet nothings to your stomach. 

In the back of your mind, you are still very aware of the time. Sunwoo was supposed to arrive home around an hour ago yet he’s still not home. You were about to call him to check up on him but your episode started and your phone is way too far for you to even comprehend walking to the other side of the apartment. Sunwoo has been so busy for the whole time of your pregnancy with work as well as taking care of you. 

Waking up at a random time at three? He’s there to walk you to the bathroom

Sudden craving as soon as you wake up? Count on him to drive there and back as soon as possible.

Needing hugs and comfort? He’s running and never letting you go.

This was not how you wanted to greet him after a long week of work, especially when it was his first week of getting promoted. You just don’t ever want to worry him but you conflictingly accepted that pregnancy is not necessarily a one-person job and Sunwoo made you realise how important it is to always reach out to him whenever you need him. Still, you try to do everything yourself first.

Needless to say, you love this man with your whole being and you can’t wait for your child to meet the best dad in the whole wide world.

You freaked out at the familiar sound of the door unlocking, creaking open and the bright call for your name. With all the strength that you have accumulated over this short amount of time, you find the drive to stand up, put the toilet lid down and flush your evidence of pain down the drain. 

But throughout your pregnancy, Sunwoo is always so alert whenever he hears the toilet flushing that he practically runs to the bathroom to see you struggling to take even a step further away from the toilet, holding your body by pushing down your palm onto the edge of the sink next to you, “Baby?” At the sight of your dried tears, red eyes, dishevelled hair and shaking body, Sunwoo rushes over to you, imagining the war that you probably had alone, “Sit down here.” He pointed and directed you to the toilet seat.

You couldn’t help but cry again when you felt Sunwoo’s arm wrapping around your waist, setting you down on the toilet carefully. He kneels before you, lifting his head to scan your face for any additional discomfort, “I’m sorry.” Sobbing louder and louder when you catch a glimpse of his worried glance and creasing forehead, “I wanted to greet you nicely today. I even made you some snacks and such in the kitchen but you have to see me all ugly like th---”

“Hey, hey. Just stop, okay?” Sunwoo hushes your words when you begin to downgrade yourself, “Don’t say those things. You’re beautiful, bubs.” He tries to steal a kiss from your lips but you shake your head and push your face backwards, “Hey…”

“No, don’t kiss me. I'm disgusting right now.” You managed to say between your sobs. You couldn’t face your husband anymore in shame that you couldn’t take care of yourself for the whole week. Everything seemed to have the worst timing. You just wanted to make sure you could at least be there for Sunwoo when he opened the front door as he got through his first week of promotion yet not even halfway through the week, it was obvious that Sunwoo has done more reassuring than getting reassurance, “Don’t leave me…” 

Your heartbreaking tone made Sunwoo's heartbreak, “I promise I won’t.” He whispers with a sad smile. He’s heard this a couple of times recently but he promised himself and to you that he will always remind you that he’ll always be by your side, just like he promised a year ago on your wedding day, “Bubs, I’m right here for you. You can lean on me okay?” You clenched your fist at the understanding words, though you still felt so frustrated with yourself. Sensing this, Sunwoo rests both his hands on yours, moving his thumb over your palm to hopefully soothe your nerves, “I…should have called you. I’m sorry I’m late today.”

“Don’t be…” You shake your head, and finally meet your husband’s eyes who looks to be relaxed even though he’s also nervous inside, “Was everything okay today?”

“It was more than alright.” Sunwoo bites his bottom lip, crushing himself out internally to not rush home even faster when he left work today. He tried to hide his thoughts but his hands on top of you betrayed him.

“Sunwoo…what’s wrong?” 

“It’s just that---” Sunwoo sighs out exasperatedly at his past actions, taking one hand away to sweep his hair backwards, “I just should have come home earlier. I finished work early today but I decided to go to the shops for a while.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself.” You reassured him for the first time in the whole week (that’s what you felt at least), bringing your hands to cup his face gently, “Did you get whatever it was that you wanted?”

“I…” Sunwoo shook his head, closing his eyes frustratingly, “I did but I would have come home earlier if I knew you were like this.” Suddenly, he took out his phone from his pocket, scanning the call log history and not once a single missed call came from you, “Where’s your phone by the way? Why didn’t you call me with your watch?”

“Phone is in the kitchen. And my watch…” You answered guiltily. You had a feeling where this conversation would go as it did many times in the past. 

There were too many occurrences before this one when Sunwoo would come home with you in this state, sometimes better than this, unfortunately, more times worse than this. When Sunwoo realised that this wasn’t going to be an easy thing to predict and prepare, he got you a smartwatch that allows you to call him. 

Never once had you used it.

How could you when you felt like the worst person ever to be burdening him with this? You should be able to do this alone. All the mothers on the internet did. All those single mothers probably did this all alone too. So you should be able to do this too?

“We talked about this.” Sunwoo said sternly, his eyebrows furrowed. He puts both of your hands away from his face to your lap, tapping on your watch on your wrist and calling his phone to make sure the dial still works. Sure enough, his own phone rings along with your saved name on his phone and his personalised ringtone for his wife, “Bubs…”

You shook your head, “I-I just can’t…not when you’re so busy with work and feeling tired.”

“Bubs.” Sunwoo’s voice shook and before saying anything else, he rested his forehead on your hands, taking deep breaths as he calmed himself down, “In sickness and in health right?” He continued his words as he looked back up with a tear rolling down his face. You whimper at the sight, your heart swelling as you can feel the love that he holds for you in his eyes.

“I-I know but sti---”

“Pregnancy is not supposed to be tackled alone like this.” Sunwoo shook his head, pressing a kiss with his plump lips on your forehead, “Someone is supposed to support you, hold you, and make sure you and the baby are safe and sound. I can’t be that someone if you don’t tell me, you know?” He reminded you once again, being the utmost patient with you as you wrap your arms around his neck and he holds the sides of your waist.

“Sunwoo…”

“Call me next time, please? You’re not a burden. Not to me. Never to me.” Sunwoo cups the side of your face with his palm and with a genuine smile that finally reaches his eyes, Sunwoo leans down to give you a soft peck on the lips despite your pout and complains after, “You’re beautiful, sweetheart. I love you so much.”

It was such a simple statement from your husband yet you felt your whole body relax at the genuine reassurance from the one person that you love the most in this world. Even though your eyes were still leaving tears down your face, Sunwoo looked at you with the most heartwarming gaze in the whole world, smiling with that box smile of his when you finally managed to let out a small smile, “I love you so much, Kim Sunwoo.”

“Now.” Sunwoo leans away to stand up slowly before kneeling back down again but this time with his back facing you, “Hop on! I bet you’ll be happy with what I got you.”

navi/masterlist!!

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

thank you for 100+ interactions 🥰

[19:32] | tbz kim sunwoo

» ​PAIRING: tbz kim sunwoo x pregnant fem reader​ » TROPE/AU​: uhhhh...i don't think there's a trope for this one 🤔 established relationship au! marriage au! » GENRE​: husband sunwoo, fluffy fluffy fluff fluff, slight angst, ​comforting sunwoo, loving sunwoo, patient sunwoo, hurt/comfort » WORD COUNT: ​1868 » ESTIMATED READING TIME: ~7 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): pregnancy, vomiting and sickness, insecurities

this was my first ever timestamp story! ahhhh the memories from re-reading this 😍

i didn't want to change it much (changed one sentence) but it's more proofread now 🤭 this gathered 183 notes (14 rbs, 169 likes) and even though it hurts that i can't see that evidence anymore, i'm glad it got that much love!! this is very overdue but thank you so much 🫶

navi/masterlist!!

You never knew that pregnancy would be this hard. 

Whenever you asked your mum about her pregnancy journey, she would always have a smile on her face, telling you all the exciting milestones; first positive test, telling other people the news, first ultrasound, first time there was a definite belly bump, first movement, buying items for you or your big brother and the list goes on.

Your mum didn’t leave out the other side of pregnancy though and in particular the sickness and depleted self-confidence due to the new changes in the body internally and externally. However, your mum only experienced a few episodes of morning sickness (compared to your grandma or her already mum friends) and you were nowhere like your mum.

“Please…” The tears in your eyes only accumulated over the past hour or so and the clock on the opposite side of the bathroom was becoming blurry. You could only murmur out whispers of pain and begs that this episode would pass by soon; and before Sunwoo would arrive home.

Kim Sunwoo has been the best husband ever. You thought that he was already perfect and loving but with all the new challenges and experiences in life, there was no way that you couldn’t fall for him even more day by day and the silver band around your ring finger is one of the evidences for that. 

Trudging to stand up from the kneeling position, the small whispers turned into louder cries by the second. The headache was killing you, your knees felt so cold and you could still taste the acidity of your stomach in your mouth. The flush button feels so out of reach unlike the first three times you pushed it and you eventually gave up for a bit to rest your forehead on the toilet seat, “God please…”

Still with all of these rough patches during your pregnancy, your blurry eyes could still see the purple shirt that covered your little pregnancy bump and with shaky hands, you soothed the little bean inside of you, “Can’t wait to meet you, baby. Your dad and I can’t wait to finally hold you in our arms.”

As if your child is listening, a little kick could be felt as if acknowledging their mother’s loving words. You could only sob while chuckling, still softly rubbing your stomach and whispering sweet nothings to your stomach. 

In the back of your mind, you are still very aware of the time. Sunwoo was supposed to arrive home around an hour ago yet he’s still not home. You were about to call him to check up on him but your episode started and your phone is way too far for you to even comprehend walking to the other side of the apartment. Sunwoo has been so busy for the whole time of your pregnancy with work as well as taking care of you. 

Waking up at a random time at three? He’s there to walk you to the bathroom

Sudden craving as soon as you wake up? Count on him to drive there and back as soon as possible.

Needing hugs and comfort? He’s running and never letting you go.

This was not how you wanted to greet him after a long week of work, especially when it was his first week of getting promoted. You just don’t ever want to worry him but you conflictingly accepted that pregnancy is not necessarily a one-person job and Sunwoo made you realise how important it is to always reach out to him whenever you need him. Still, you try to do everything yourself first.

Needless to say, you love this man with your whole being and you can’t wait for your child to meet the best dad in the whole wide world.

You freaked out at the familiar sound of the door unlocking, creaking open and the bright call for your name. With all the strength that you have accumulated over this short amount of time, you find the drive to stand up, put the toilet lid down and flush your evidence of pain down the drain. 

But throughout your pregnancy, Sunwoo is always so alert whenever he hears the toilet flushing that he practically runs to the bathroom to see you struggling to take even a step further away from the toilet, holding your body by pushing down your palm onto the edge of the sink next to you, “Baby?” At the sight of your dried tears, red eyes, dishevelled hair and shaking body, Sunwoo rushes over to you, imagining the war that you probably had alone, “Sit down here.” He pointed and directed you to the toilet seat.

You couldn’t help but cry again when you felt Sunwoo’s arm wrapping around your waist, setting you down on the toilet carefully. He kneels before you, lifting his head to scan your face for any additional discomfort, “I’m sorry.” Sobbing louder and louder when you catch a glimpse of his worried glance and creasing forehead, “I wanted to greet you nicely today. I even made you some snacks and such in the kitchen but you have to see me all ugly like th---”

“Hey, hey. Just stop, okay?” Sunwoo hushes your words when you begin to downgrade yourself, “Don’t say those things. You’re beautiful, bubs.” He tries to steal a kiss from your lips but you shake your head and push your face backwards, “Hey…”

“No, don’t kiss me. I'm disgusting right now.” You managed to say between your sobs. You couldn’t face your husband anymore in shame that you couldn’t take care of yourself for the whole week. Everything seemed to have the worst timing. You just wanted to make sure you could at least be there for Sunwoo when he opened the front door as he got through his first week of promotion yet not even halfway through the week, it was obvious that Sunwoo has done more reassuring than getting reassurance, “Don’t leave me…” 

Your heartbreaking tone made Sunwoo's heartbreak, “I promise I won’t.” He whispers with a sad smile. He’s heard this a couple of times recently but he promised himself and to you that he will always remind you that he’ll always be by your side, just like he promised a year ago on your wedding day, “Bubs, I’m right here for you. You can lean on me okay?” You clenched your fist at the understanding words, though you still felt so frustrated with yourself. Sensing this, Sunwoo rests both his hands on yours, moving his thumb over your palm to hopefully soothe your nerves, “I…should have called you. I’m sorry I’m late today.”

“Don’t be…” You shake your head, and finally meet your husband’s eyes who looks to be relaxed even though he’s also nervous inside, “Was everything okay today?”

“It was more than alright.” Sunwoo bites his bottom lip, crushing himself out internally to not rush home even faster when he left work today. He tried to hide his thoughts but his hands on top of you betrayed him.

“Sunwoo…what’s wrong?” 

“It’s just that---” Sunwoo sighs out exasperatedly at his past actions, taking one hand away to sweep his hair backwards, “I just should have come home earlier. I finished work early today but I decided to go to the shops for a while.”

“Hey, don’t blame yourself.” You reassured him for the first time in the whole week (that’s what you felt at least), bringing your hands to cup his face gently, “Did you get whatever it was that you wanted?”

“I…” Sunwoo shook his head, closing his eyes frustratingly, “I did but I would have come home earlier if I knew you were like this.” Suddenly, he took out his phone from his pocket, scanning the call log history and not once a single missed call came from you, “Where’s your phone by the way? Why didn’t you call me with your watch?”

“Phone is in the kitchen. And my watch…” You answered guiltily. You had a feeling where this conversation would go as it did many times in the past. 

There were too many occurrences before this one when Sunwoo would come home with you in this state, sometimes better than this, unfortunately, more times worse than this. When Sunwoo realised that this wasn’t going to be an easy thing to predict and prepare, he got you a smartwatch that allows you to call him. 

Never once had you used it.

How could you when you felt like the worst person ever to be burdening him with this? You should be able to do this alone. All the mothers on the internet did. All those single mothers probably did this all alone too. So you should be able to do this too?

“We talked about this.” Sunwoo said sternly, his eyebrows furrowed. He puts both of your hands away from his face to your lap, tapping on your watch on your wrist and calling his phone to make sure the dial still works. Sure enough, his own phone rings along with your saved name on his phone and his personalised ringtone for his wife, “Bubs…”

You shook your head, “I-I just can’t…not when you’re so busy with work and feeling tired.”

“Bubs.” Sunwoo’s voice shook and before saying anything else, he rested his forehead on your hands, taking deep breaths as he calmed himself down, “In sickness and in health right?” He continued his words as he looked back up with a tear rolling down his face. You whimper at the sight, your heart swelling as you can feel the love that he holds for you in his eyes.

“I-I know but sti---”

“Pregnancy is not supposed to be tackled alone like this.” Sunwoo shook his head, pressing a kiss with his plump lips on your forehead, “Someone is supposed to support you, hold you, and make sure you and the baby are safe and sound. I can’t be that someone if you don’t tell me, you know?” He reminded you once again, being the utmost patient with you as you wrap your arms around his neck and he holds the sides of your waist.

“Sunwoo…”

“Call me next time, please? You’re not a burden. Not to me. Never to me.” Sunwoo cups the side of your face with his palm and with a genuine smile that finally reaches his eyes, Sunwoo leans down to give you a soft peck on the lips despite your pout and complains after, “You’re beautiful, sweetheart. I love you so much.”

It was such a simple statement from your husband yet you felt your whole body relax at the genuine reassurance from the one person that you love the most in this world. Even though your eyes were still leaving tears down your face, Sunwoo looked at you with the most heartwarming gaze in the whole world, smiling with that box smile of his when you finally managed to let out a small smile, “I love you so much, Kim Sunwoo.”

“Now.” Sunwoo leans away to stand up slowly before kneeling back down again but this time with his back facing you, “Hop on! I bet you’ll be happy with what I got you.”

navi/masterlist!!

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️

[06:36] | tbz kim sunwoo

» ​PAIRING: tbz kim sunwoo x fem!reader » TROPE/AU​: established relationship au, marriage au, non-idol au » GENRE​: suggestive!!!!, little fluffy fluff at the end (and the start), flirty kim sunwoo, sunwoo is a sweetheart who makes you blush, sunwoo who lends you his clothes to sleep » WORD COUNT: 2594​ » ESTIMATED READING TIME: 10 mins » WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!): suggestive!!!!, lowkey (?) domsunwoo, pet names (princess, bubs) because sunwoo can't control himself, a ton of kissing leading to a make-out session...in bed..., hickies (reader receiving) because s*nwoo can't control himself, pretty...thin walls, almost getting caught...by their child, you both are very much in love

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

hmmm...HMMMM---

thank you for beta reading @daisyvisions @justalildumpling and @winterchimez for reading and helping me with the warning sections!! 💕

You don’t know anyone with as much energy as you and Sunwoo at the break of sunrise.

“Sunwoo!” You lift your legs to your stomach, stifling your laughs down by clasping your hands over your mouth, “Wait wait wa—”

In response, your husband did everything but your request, continuing to bury you both underneath the white duvet and tickling the sides of your body, “I’m not the one that’s going to wake our little princess up!” He responds between your kicks and squeals, your happiness radiating back to him.

Just a few minutes ago in the warm morning, you still slept soundly in your bed with Sunwoo. Your face hid from the moonlight at night and the sunlight in the morning by pressing your forehead near his collarbone, and Sunwoo would keep you there with his hand on the back of your head. Sunwoo’s other arm snakes below the side of your waist on the bed and his hand on your lower back brings you intimately closer to him, caging you in his loving embrace. You, very much enjoying being the small spoon, had both your hands on his chest, occasionally clenching his loose shirt in your sleep to subconsciously confirm to yourself that your husband was still near you. Sometimes, when your hands would hold onto his material so hard to the point where the backside of the collar tugs him awake, he would dip his head down and kiss your eyelids, nose, forehead, and cheek before finally landing on your lips softly and comfortingly to make you relax back into your sleep.

Closer to the current time, Sunwoo wakes up to the unusually loud chirping of the birds outside the window behind him. However, his frown and frustrations all disappear when he sees his wife still sleeping soundly beside him. No one would be able to fully understand the amount of love that Sunwoo holds for you. Ever since you took his hand in marriage, waking up next to you quickly became his second favourite, most cherished, most anticipated thing that he would look forward to; a far second to your kisses and the way you kiss him lovingly each time. On the days when one of you would be too worn out from the day’s activities, your body would give up first. Even though it hurt to be going to sleep alone on the cold and big bed, you both knew that at some point in the night, the ‘I love you’ whispers directed at each other would never fail to put a smile on your faces.

“Hmmm…” Your husband hums to himself, closing his eyes once more and pulls you closer to him. His smile widened at your shampoo's familiar scent, and he couldn’t help but press his lips to yours, “Bubs.”

The deep giggles from across you finally made your eyelids lift, your eyes still squinting from both the light and the tiredness that is still in your system. You groan at the continuous kisses that started from your plump lips, now trailing up to the tip of your nose, your eyelids and back down to your jawline. The way you would attempt to hide your blush by turning over to the other side would be the start of the early morning chaoticness between you both.

Going back to the first dialogue, Sunwoo resorted to tickling you, still pressing light kisses to every part of your exposed skin that his shirt failed to cover properly. It started from your face, collarbone to your shoulder, and you continued to try to contain your laughter to avoid waking up your daughter in the nearby room. You tried to reason with Sunwoo to let you out of this situation alive, using your child as an excuse, but your husband only smirks more at your useless attempt. 

After all the tossing and turning in the bed, you were clearly out of breath, unlike Sunwoo who undoubtedly still had more energy to get some radiant chuckles to escape from your pretty lips—to listen to your voice that he loves so dearly and very much. Managing to finally get a break, you lay flat on the bed. Needless to say, your hair is a mess all over the mattress, some over your face which Sunwoo lightly sways away. There were no more signs of playfulness in your husband’s eyes, especially not with the way he crossed one leg over your frame, his knees now directly next to your hip bones, trapping your lower body as he looked at you with longingness and love. 

Sunwoo just smiles at your beautiful face and his hand automatically slides up from your hips, lifting the cotton material to place his veiny hand on your stomach. “Bubs.” He finally breathes out when you manage to hold his hands, your thumbs soothingly caressing the back of his hands in response.

“Hmm?” The skin contact from the pads of his fingers starting from your shoulder is barely recognisable but you are aware of how he eventually reaches your tired arms on the side of your body. Still keeping eye contact with you, Sunwoo feels the wedding ring on your hand, caressing the diamond he worked so hard for. It’s proof of his love and physical promise that he will stay with you until your last breaths, and the simpler, silver band around his finger that lays on your exposed stomach, is your love and promise to him.

The scene, the way that Sunwoo looks down at you at this moment, is highly familiar. It was the same look he gave you on the night of your honeymoon. The memory flashes through your mind, the light pink blush sweeping on the surface of your cheeks, and your heart beats erratically. Amused at the effect that he had on you, Sunwoo raises one eyebrow, simultaneously on the same half of his face, the corner of his lips lifting as well. A surge of confidence overflows you, grabbing both of Sunwoo’s hands without warning. Sunwoo didn’t back away from your figure, watching carefully at the way your pretty lips parted to let out a soft moan and a ‘good morning, handsome.’ greeting. Not long after, you closed the gap between your mouths, not to kiss him, but to feverishly run your tongue across his bottom, plump lip.

“Sunwoo…” Your voice calls out to him after and he uses a bit of force to tear your hands apart to intertwine your fingers with his, lunging forward to push you back on the mattress and pinning your hands up next to your shoulders.

“God, I love you so much.” Before you could even repeat the same words to him, Sunwoo dives into the crook of your neck and you whimper in pleasure when you feel the surface of your skin between his teeth, “Is this alright?”

You shut your eyes first before mumbling an answer, “M-Mhm.” It motivates Sunwoo to further paint your skin in the shape of his lips. The satisfying feeling makes you squirm under his unrelenting but still gentle touch. You whimper further as a response, your fingers tightening and your toes curling. When Sunwoo’s mouth lands on your left collarbone, you would tilt your head to the right, automatically giving him access that he gratefully accepted.

“Do you remember this?” Sunwoo manages to gasp out, his warm breath hitting your now slightly wet skin due to his intense feelings, “The night that you vowed to be mine. The physical marks that you couldn’t fully get rid of for two whole weeks.”

How could you ever forget? 

Thankfully, there was no need to wake up earlier or use makeup as your blouses always covered the evidence. Thankfully, Sunwoo was also nice enough to keep it within an area that would be easily covered with most of your wardrobe outfits—minus the spaghetti straps and lower neckline dresses which would drive him absolutely wild.

Sunwoo remembers all the marks that he made around your chest and neck area on that night because he’s thought about it: he wanted to place the marks that would just be hidden behind your work clothes but just enough that when you both were back home, the lightest tug would reveal the masterpiece that you let him put the night(s) before. The strategic plan made it easy for Sunwoo to recreate the marks and for you to focus on the parts of your skin that he is focusing on and will focus on.

But this time, it was harsher, more passionate, more loving. Sunwoo has been craving this moment with you, and even after he finished making his usual marks, he continued to trail upwards where he knew you would mewl and gasp at his touch. The new sensation knocks the air from your lungs and you desperately beg for Sunwoo to continue his act.

You cannot believe that a second ago, you thought you were completely out of breath. Because if the earlier events really did make you feel out of breath, then you didn’t know how to describe this one.

“Bubs.” You took note of the series of exhales on your neck that slowly but surely calmed down. Even with your eyes still shut, you can still make out the shadow above you, “You alright?” Sunwoo releases his hold on both of your hands, relocating his palms on the sides of your neck, caressing the underside of your jawline and a longer, passionate kiss that muffles the remnants of your deeper pants from before.

“More than alright, love.” When you open your eyes, the darker look in his eyes from earlier is completely gone. Now, only heart-shaped sparkles reflected the windows of his soul and you would both argue to each other that the other was the reason who put them there, “Are you alright?”

“Of course I am.” Sunwoo’s face closes in on yours once again, leaning his slightly wet bangs on your exposed forehead—it’s obvious that you both couldn’t get enough of each other. The anterior side of his forearm rests next to your face to properly balance his weight as he admires his wife. His other palm cups your still-warm cheek, “How could I not be when I have the smartest, kindest, prettiest and sexiest woman here? And guess what?” He buries his fingers underneath your hair strands, “She’s mine.”

“You’re such a flirt.” 

“You love it.”

“You’re right.” Slowly wrapping your hands around Sunwoo’s neck, you pull him to give an innocent kiss, “I love you.”

You allowed the calming atmosphere to fill you both, tilting Sunwoo’s head to lean his still-warm forehead on yours, the tips of your noses rubbing against each other as you both smile gleefully. The birds continued to sing their songs to each other, most probably waking up your neighbours and any houses with thin walls like your own. 

“Mumma!”

The couple quickly scrambles at the distressed screaming. The father jumps back on the bed, scurrying to hide his body inside the blanket with widened eyes on the freshly made marks that were growing darker and more evident by the second, “B-Bubs, your neck.”

Your hands fly to your collarbone, your own eyes wide at the realisation, “Oh shit.” Both of you knew that there wasn’t much that you could do, so you just opted for the fastest, but unfortunately nowhere secure, way of hiding the remnants by pulling the back of Sunwoo’s shirt to make the front neckline higher until it reached the base of your neck. You sat down on the excess fabric that you made to secure the new neckline in place, just in time for your four-year-old to burst through the door.

When your only child finally steps into the room with hurried steps, you take notice of her white fist around the bunny ear of her favourite plush. The snot runs down her nose and her reddened philtrum tells the couple that she has been wiping her nose for a while. The light grey fabric of the raccoon onesie that she had been matching with your husband now looked darker as the waterfall from her eyes continued to fall onto the fabric. The evidence of the stress that the younger girl showed to her parents made you both gasp in surprise. 

Sunwoo springs into action quickly, kneeling in front of his daughter to get to her eye level, “What’s wrong, princess?” He takes hold of her shoulders, gently applying some pressure to make his presence known to his little girl, “Did you have a nightmare?” 

She only nods furiously as a response, leaping forward for comfort in her dad’s arms. The bunny hits the back of Sunwoo’s head due to the force of the little girl’s arm swing, “I-I think there is a monster in the room! I heard mumma scream!” She wails, her shuddering lips pressed onto the top of Sunwoo’s shoulder. 

“Oh no no no, baby.” Sunwoo soothes your daughter who continues to let out broken wails and cries, drenching his shoulder in the process, “T-That wasn’t what you thought it was.” His heart swells. On one part, it was the admiration of the fact his daughter loves his wife. The other part was the nervousness that the thin walls did not keep the privacy of his acts within their four walls. “Plus, dadda won’t let anything happen to mumma.” He pushes the thought away for now, hearing the bed creaking behind him, “See, look?” With this indication, your daughter lifts her head to see you approaching the little family not too far away from bed.

You still had one hand behind your back to pull the shirt. But, you made it to the little huddle, tucking the shirt under your thighs before kneeling beside Sunwoo and running your hand over your daughter’s back. “Mumma is alright, baby.” You spread your arms open and your daughter lets go of her dad to run straight into her mum’s chest.

You readjust the heartwarming position by wrapping an arm around your daughter’s waist, tilting her body to the side and quickly tucking your hand behind her knees, letting her sit down on your own two knees as comfortably as you can, “A-Are you really okay?” 

The arm around her waist is now around her shoulder to make sure her body doesn’t slip down from yours. “I really am okay, baby. Thank you so much for worrying about me.” You continue to reassure her, pinching her cheek and successfully putting a wide smile back on her face.

Sunwoo sighs out in relief, the deep exhale from his body gaining your attention. From the corner of his eyes, he sees your frown and the disapproving shake of your head. In response, his lips inaudibly moved in all kinds of shapes and sizes, and his hands flew around in the air to emphasise that he was just as stressed as you were. You squint your eyes in response, your pupils darting to the four walls that made your bedroom, and Sunwoo nods in defeat as he understands fully what you mean.

You thought it was all over, the sun bright and happy along with your now composed family. But it was just the nature of children to be curious about everything they see. Your daughter speaks up once again, asking about the now bright red prints on your collarbone, even pointing to the ones visible to her. Sunwoo responded to her act first, cursing under his breath when your wide eyes met his mischievous smile.

“Kim Sunwoo!”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

double a decade | tbz kim sunwoo

Double a decade—no, more than that. 

​PAIRING » tbz kim sunwoo x gn!reader (proofread twice! lmk if i missed anything!)​ TROPE/AU » ​childhood friends to lovers, non-idol au!, holiday season au! (starts a little bit from christmas up to new years!) GENRE​ » it's so fluffy like wow...i'm not going to write something so fluff for sunwoo for a while after this, a tinge of angst, SUNWOO AND READER ARE BOTH IDIOTS, sunwoo thought his love was one-sided, very shy kim sunwoo, sunwoo being very cute and patient to the reader, reader is sick and sunwoo takes care of them uwu, they platonically share the same bed, big spoon sunwoo who is physically bigger than you and holds you to sleep, MUTUAL PINING REEEEEE, a ton of hugs from kim sunwoo because he's so...ugh, reader blushing cause of kim sunwoo, sunwoo giving his jackets that're oversized for you to use (ahhhh) WORD COUNT » 5760 ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~21 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader is sick with a fever (if you're actually sick, please isolate yourself!), kim sunwoo being a shy idiot, one swear word (but cuts through halfway)

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

my last story for 2023! looking forward to the new year! happy 2024 everyone!

thank you for reading and screaming with me @winterchimez, @heemingyu and @mosviqu !! you three were so chaotic 😭 like ally really whipped out my government name, i couldn't tell whether sana was mad at me or sunwoo, and bar was...yeah...uhm...yeah!

(i suffered so much with the banner, i need to stop looking at it now)

Even you found this situation absurd.

How could something so beautiful cause you to have tissues and wet towels lying around your heating body? It’s bittersweet to know that the things that made you enwrap in the layer of heated and weighted blankets are the same ones every year that fall nicely from the hues of orange and red sky. Maybe it’s the headache or the jealousy as you hear the excited shrills of the children outside the window having fun and throwing the cold ball of death to each other’s faces. It’s probably also the fact that you’re at the time of your month, the cramps around the underside of your stomach in addition to the scratchy itch on your throat that makes swallowing hard. 

In the end, this year’s Christmas has been wasted and you could only cry under the sheets alone, convincing your parents not to enter as you knew they had to return to work as soon as the holidays ended. You truly regretted your past naive and idiotic self for making a snow angel without proper winter battle clothes. The effect took a massive toll on your body, especially with the amount of hours you have been working and the stress of it all. The way you spent Christmas was lonely as you looked down to the ground floor where your family gathered, a warm blanket slouched on your messy, unwashed hair. The distance between your pout and their smiles wasn’t too far but because of your dying voice and their charged voice, even your mother could barely hear your Christmas greetings.

But, there was someone in your life who still barged into your highly contaminated room with his raccoon loverboy beanie and matching handmade raccoon scarf that you gifted for him this Christmas. Even with your refutes and arguments, he just shrugs, refusing to let you spend the holiday season time alone. 

Every year has always been the same at this time of the year. From when the clock strikes midnight when the jingle bells ring from the city hall up to your room, up until around noon, you would spend it with your family. From noon, when you and your best friend would be amazed at how the snowman still kept its shape up until around dinner time, you would be all over the neighbourhood with him. Then cues the opening of gifts underneath the green tree with ornaments from your grandparents’ age, the smile plasters on everyone’s faces as choruses of ‘thank you’s would be said. Three hours before Christmas day passes, you would retreat to your room, only to have a visitor open your door, the pile of snow between the strands of his hair making the wood of your floor a tripping hazard.

Every year has always been the same for you both and Kim Sunwoo is determined to make sure that it would still be that way. The boy has always made every single Christmas memorable from the day you both were in diapers to now. He made sure that Christmas this year isn’t wasted and he proves that solidly.

Now, another day of fighting begins as you pray for your fever to die down in time for the approaching new year. Contrary to your wishes, your whole body feels like it’s been shut down, feeling too effortful to even raise a finger despite it lying on your bed for the last twenty hours.

“Sunwoo…” The tears well up in your eyes, wishing that you could at least pick up the phone to hear his stories about the day. 

“I got you!” 

The door clicks open to reveal his toothy, mischievous smile. In one hand, a filled fabric bag is held as the other fist punches the sky eagerly. If you could, you would’ve chucked all the layers of fabric to the ground for all you care, clinging onto the boy like a koala. He understands the thoughts roaming in your head as soon as he sees the way the ceiling light highlights the sweat on your forehead and the moisture around the bottom of your eyes. 

The once-upturned corners of his mouth dipped and so did his shoulders. With his free hand, the door closed quietly. He slowly approaches you, kneeling on the floor beside your bed. Sunwoo takes his mittens off, tilting his head and his furrowed eyebrows match his solemn smile. 

“The new year is literally in three days and I’m still here all wrapped up like a mummy.” He unfolded one of the new towels on your bedside table, dapping the sweat away from your flushed face. “I hate this…”

Sunwoo couldn’t hide his true feelings either, missing having you healthy by his side for more than a whole week now. The night walks were now leaning more toward miserable than lonely. He misses the way you would wrap your nearest arm with his, the other hand loosely anchoring on as well as you both comment on whatever comes into your mind. It’s during those times that you would be so preoccupied with your words that the world around him becomes silent, looking down at the slope of your nose and the shape of your moving lips dearly. 

If you look up towards him, you can see the way that Sunwoo’s eyes relax and the corners of his lips lift just slightly, looking at you with utmost adore and affection. His cheeks would be red, not because of the chilly wind, but because his heart is telling him to just hold you close, confess and kiss you deeply into the night. 

It’s no exaggeration to say that the fluttering feeling in his heart, gave his body more warmth than the mittens, beanie, scarf and winter outfit.

“It’ll pass soon, don’t worry,” Sunwoo reassures you, straightening his legs and heading to your bathroom. There, he shrieks and the laugh from the joined room, where you lay in bed with a new cold wet towel on your burning forehead tells him that you did it on purpose. “I thought that was real!” His head peaks out slightly from the bathroom door with the toy cockroach in his hand, throwing it on the duvet where it conveniently plops upside down.

“I need some laughs, okay?” It only earned an eye roll from Sunwoo, who closed the bathroom door.

Your eyes widen at the familiar actions, the sprinkling of water confirming your thoughts.

“Sunwoo!” You scold him. “You can’t stay over! I’m literally sick!”

“I’ll be fine!”

These are the only words that he says, ignoring the rest of your complaints and nagging; he knows though, that it’s just because you care for his health and wellbeing.

Your lips could only form a big mountain when Sunwoo finally does exit your now sauna-like bathroom. He had his favourite raccoon onesie on, his used clothes in one hand and was supported with his chest to avoid it from toppling over his hold. A toothbrush is leisurely in his mouth, the frothing around the inside of his lips tells you that he has no second thoughts about staying over. 

“You can’t, Woo.” An exasperated sigh comes out as soon as he slips into the room. “Why don’t you ever listen to what I say?”

The toothbrush stops its rustling sound against his healthy, white teeth and you can tell from the way his hands land on the side of his waist that he has a complaint back about you.

“As if you’ll ever listen to me.” And the rustling continues with a tune of a song.

“Touche.”

There is one thing that changed from your usual sleepovers but again, you’re not complaining as it is the best choice. Sunwoo takes out the spare roll-up mattress after excitedly knocking on your parent’s room for help. You could hear how your parents are beyond surprised by the visit but you could only smile when you hear the way they scold Sunwoo for wanting to stay beside you with your condition.

For some odd reason, he was still able to walk back into your room, showing off the white fabric on his shoulder that he held, shoulder way too high for your liking as his pride replaces the gloomy atmosphere in the room.

“Make some sort of distance between you and my bed please.”

Your tone is no longer playful, almost tired and most definitely worried. Sunwoo nods, his lips pulling into a line. At this moment, when Sunwoo sets up his bed for the night away from you, you don’t realise the clench in your heart, your hand swishing over the space beside you where he would usually cuddle with you to sleep.

“This alright?” Pulling off his sparkly doe eyes, shooting you a smile that you couldn’t possibly refute. “Alright! Goodnight!” He cheers when you nod defeatedly.

With a flick of the switch, the only thing that allows you to see your covered feet is the moonlight from outside. Sunwoo is in a better position because the lower level means that your bed blocks the shine enough for him to slumber back to sleep.

For some reason, you couldn’t. Your body is still, your eyelids shut and your calm breathing would’ve fooled anyone that you were actually in dreamland. In reality, all you could hear was Sunwoo’s more soothing snores, the sudden feeling that nothing was covering you and the uncomfortable feeling of staying awake.

Your eyelids shoot open once more, staring at the lines and scratches that managed to make it there. Maybe it was a chaotic cat? Or a really strong spiky fly? Or maybe, a ghost? Continuing a questionable amount of ideas. You didn’t even realise when your body turned to the side where Sunwoo was. Without thinking much, your arm reaches for the expensive headpiece straight to the once-slumbering boy.

Disturbed between reality and dreams, his body immediately straightens up, turning his head at you. “Hey!”

“Sorry.” You did feel guilty, not knowing that your impulse actions would jolt him so much; but your laugh tells him that once again, you did plan it with some sort of naughty reason.

Like the antagonist of a scary movie, Sunwoo’s head dips down slightly, his bangs covering his eyes and his cheek rising with menacing thoughts in his head. Suddenly, he jumps over to the mattress, wiggling his fingers all over your body.

“S-Stop! Sunwoo!” He didn’t bother doing so, his heart delighted at the sound of your laughter after so long. “I’m sorry! I’m sorry, you pathetic raccoon!”

“Oh, you’re really asking for it!”

It’s a miracle that none of your parents didn’t woke up after almost five minutes of different volumes of laughter. After a week or so of copping up in your room, unable to properly see your best friend, he makes his mark on the winter holiday, knowing that every time you fall sick with a fever, you’ll recall this fun memory.

“Can’t sleep?” 

He retreats to the edge of the bed, his legs dangling. Yet, he has his full focus on the way your smile gradually falls into a frown. His hands move under the blanket, finding yours. As soon as he feels you, his fingers intertwine with yours. Automatically, your thumb caresses Sunwoo’s, calming enough for him to sleep. Eyelids heavy but not completely down yet, your brown orbs observe the way Sunwoo kneels beside you.

“Sunwoo…”

“Hm?” 

“Thank you for staying.” 

His eyes widen slightly but he then lets out a small chuckle. “Just doing your lovely parents a favour.” 

“No.” He gulps at your seriousness, watching the way that even though your back is facing the natural light source, the growing waters underneath your eyelids make his other hand reach out for you, the movement shaking your tears down. “I meant in life. Thank you for staying with me another year.”

Your eyelashes fluttered, the darkness quietly enveloping you. Sunwoo just lets out a soft sigh, your words making his heart beat too rapidly for him to sleep tonight. 

“I love you.” 

There…

He rehearsed the confession in the mirror many times, different scenarios each time, a different object in his hand every time as he imagined the perfect gift that he would give if he was ever given a chance to pour his feelings into you. A part of him wishes you heard it, hoping that you didn’t keep this friendship going. 

The mattress that he worked hard to retrieve from your parents is left untouched for the rest of the night. Forget about his well-being for a second, prioritising the love in his heart. Forget about being sick if it meant being able to hold you in his arms just like all those times. Forget about your scoldings that he would only stick his tongue out nonchalantly to. Sunwoo climbs on the opposite side, his usual spot in your bed. He carefully slips his body inside, the air a thousand times warmer, almost making him wince at the sudden temperature rise that he didn’t expect.

For one last time in the night, he wipes your forehead clean, pressing a lingering kiss on the area. Your body recognises the dip of the bed, turning to the other side and hiding your eyes from the glare of the night into Sunwoo’s beating chest. Perplexed but still somewhat composed, he lets you get comfortable first, both of your hands reaching up to the fabric of his collar, tugging it slightly as a satisfied smile makes its way onto your relaxed face. 

“I love you.” 

He says once more.

“I love you so much, bubs.” 

A little bit louder.

“I love you so much but,” He rests his head on the pillow, pulling you further into his embrace with his hand curling over the shape of your head. “I don’t think I can stay beside you next year.”

Unrequited love his whole life. 

The trade-off between friendship and love is too much for him to fully digest. 

But as the years pass, Sunwoo knows that there is nothing much he can do but drown in his uncertainties. At the same time, he’s no longer sure how much longer he could fake another smile towards you whenever you were taken out for dates. He’s no longer sure how to keep his heartbeat at bay whenever you accidentally whip your hair across his face whenever he scared you, and the way your first instinct is to squish his cheeks, frown and check up for any hurt on his beautiful face. He’s no longer sure if he could hide the urge to pull you into his chest whenever your fingers would lace together even during the hot summer days.

So Sunwoo made it clear to himself that tonight would be the last time he would bask in your presence. Another unsure kiss is given to your forehead and against the screamings inside his head, he follows his heart to press one on each of your closed lids, whispering loving words that he desperately wishes you would hear. 

“I’m thankful for you too.”

True to his words, Sunwoo is gone by the early morning, the white blob on the floor is gone and so are the used towels that you have used throughout the previous day. Judging from the coolness of the sheets beside you, he must’ve left some time ago and it left a bitter feeling in your whole being when he left no note that would usually snap the drowsiness in you to an immediate deadpan reaction, or contrary a dog video that would make up want to curl up and stay in bed for longer.

Three distinct knocks on the door tell you that your mum has breakfast ready but you can’t respond as enthusiastically as you usually would. 

“You’re looking better today, actually.” The plastic tray rests on the corner of your table. The now-occupied space reminds you of last night when Sunwoo used the same space for his worn-out backpack. Satisfied with the way your forehead is no longer burning and almost back to normal temperature, the woman nods and lets out a sigh of relief. “Must be the Sunwoo effect.”

It did make you forget your confusion for a second, the corners of your slumped lips pulling to a straight line. When you were once again left all alone in the room, the loneliness was unlike ever before. The charging cable is ripped away from your device, opening the messaging app to text Sunwoo a very formal, very awkward morning greeting. Your eyes bore into the bottom left of the screen, seeing if the familiar typing icon would pop out but after around four minutes of empty wishes, the way you shoved your phone under the pillow shows how crestfallen you are with his isolating behaviour. It continued for the rest of the day, your phone never buzzing because of him even though his social media activity shows him posting a new memory to share over the internet.

New Year is around a few hours and to you, it looks like Sunwoo has no plans to change his indifference towards you. Even when Eric says he would make sure that Sunwoo sends a message to you, the only thing that changed in your messaging status with him is the ‘delivered’ to ‘seen’ sign.

“The audacity of this little piece of sh—” 

Your fingers tapped rapidly first, and the floating tiles of your keyboard pour your conflicted emotions with a dash of empty threats to him. It’s infuriating that the only thing he did was still, left you on ‘seen’ but this time, in real-time. 

“Okay, fine!”

Why are you so defeated? Frustrated? Annoyed? Irritated? Worried? Sour? Confused? Are you really going to spend the rest of the year without him? Start the new one without him? Is he really breaking the streak of watching the fireworks together and being each other’s first ‘Happy New Year!’s with a bunch of jumping and squealing? 

Is he mad because you’re the reason why you can’t watch the flowers in the sky with him this year? But Sunwoo knows that you’ve been sick! But if he is, is he so mad to the point that he's going to break the streak of being each other’s first ‘Happy New Year!’s next year because of it? But between you both, you’ve always beaten him by a split second!

“Fine! Be that way then!” If the framed picture of you both had noise sensitivity, you’re sure that it would’ve cowered away and fallen straight to the bin next to it. “Ignore me then! Go have fun with the rest of your friends! Why’d you come here and act like you cared when you were just going to avoid me like this?!”

As if the whole universe isn’t seemingly against you already, the bunny doll that Sunwoo won for you smiled sweetly from the corner of your room. The rubber material of your slippers makes high-pitched slaps and your arms snatch the poor plush by its neck, shaking it back and forth as you start to let out all the cursing in all the languages that you know to the boy in your head.

“You got it!”

You couldn’t hide the excitement on your face as soon as the claw hovers in the hole of the machine, a few seconds away from delivering the prize to your hands. Sunwoo rejoices and is proud after winning against the rigged game with only the first try. 

You try to wait patiently for Sunwoo to give it to you, but the way that your upper body bounces, and the way your slightly wavy hair goes along with the motions of your body, only makes it harder for Sunwoo to properly hand you over the gift. You weren’t doing anything special but he was so in love with you that he couldn’t help but let out a shaky breath at the way your eyes sparkle to him—it didn’t help his case that you were cutely drowning in his jacket. 

“D-Do you love it that much?”

Would it be weird if he snapped a photo of you right now? When your cheeks are smushed against the bunny’s fluffy ones? Would it be weird if he wanted to set it as his wallpaper and just stare at it all day long?

“It’s so cute!” 

You indirectly answered, putting your full attention and affection to the animal in your hands. The way you bopped your nose with its own only fuels his adoration for you and because you’re so immersed in your birthday gift, Sunwoo did manage to get the picture that he desires.

Kim Sunwoo also had it as his lock screen, hiding it within a collage of other memories—it’s the reason why he’s been so protective over his phone for the last few months.

Having had enough of giving the inanimate animal a headache, you threw it onto the floor with a huff, blowing the loose strand of hair away from your vision. All of a sudden, the tears finally well up in your eyes and you let out silent croaked sobs. The hunched-over plushie is the catalyst for your head to replay the memories in your head. With your back against your bed, knees folded to your chest and the bunny sitting on top, the outside world blurs out of existence for a while.

Everything is just Kim Sunwoo.

From the way he smiles.

To the way he drools in his sleep.

From the way he would literally hide you from the outside world, arms enveloping and muffling your cries.

To the way he welcomes the series of punches on his chest because life is too much for you sometimes.

From the way he has your mum on speed dial in case he can’t reach you.

To the way that he would hop into the car to pick you up from your solo late-night, early-morning beach walks still in his pyjamas.

From the way he knew how to comfort you depending on the situation.

To the way he wouldn’t mind submitting his assignment late if it meant that you’ll be able to sleep peacefully.

Your face flares up, recalling the light pressure of his lips on your eyelids the other night and with it, the meaning behind your tight hold on the bunny becomes something entirely different. That’s all it takes for you to rush out the front door, your mum following your rushed actions with her eyes.

“Well,” she shrugs, eyes back to the television of her favourite Christmas movie, “that happened.”

So maybe you should’ve changed to snowing boots or something more appropriate than your slippers but in your body’s adrenaline to keep your body intact for another five minutes when you would reach Sunwoo’s house.

“You’re so—ugh!” 

The crystals falling from the sky are too uncomfortable and you know that you will be bedridden for longer after this but that’s not going to be your fault. Someone else will take the blame for this and you’ll make it clear for him.

It’s only when you reach the front door, hands on your bent knees, throat dry, nose red, cheeks most probably iced due to your tears and the weather that the words all evaporate from your head. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore and with the curtain from the living room open just enough for you to see Sunwoo snuggling in the couch with his cup of hot chocolate, the feelings that you have been hiding from him amplified greatly.

You’re so mad at him but you still think he looks cute with the blanket over his head, covering his shoulders and eyes focused so much to the point the colours of the graphics were being reflected on his eyes. Changing the direction from kicking down the front door, you decided to instead gather a lump of ice into your palm, striking it against the window where his face was. 

His body jolts back but it didn’t take long for his mind to register the white remnants crumbling on the glass, window frame and sill. It takes Sunwoo less than a second to take in your shivering figure on the other side of the window and he knows he’s going to get an earful from his mum when she sees the sweet and sticky drink on her carpet.

The coat hanger rattles and almost breaks an arm with how violently Sunwoo takes two of his warmest jackets, swiftly getting ready to meet the cold and starting blizzard outside. He automatically winced when nature slammed the door open, almost stubbing his toe—but maybe that’s his karma for leaving you on read for more than a whole day without a proper explanation.

Sunwoo took his focus away from the throbbing pain, skipping down the stairs, using the spiky handrail for support as he pushed his body up whenever he went down a step lower, relaxing when his feet landed on the ground safely. It’s only been a few minutes since he stepped out of his blanket but now everything is throbbing—his heart as well for a different reason.

Seeing you still facing the window, your hair flying all over the place, your chin basically on your chest, Sunwoo realises that he hurt you badly. Maybe he should’ve just been honest. If so, then at the very least, you wouldn’t chase him out like this when it looks like you just started to feel better. 

“Hey…” his feet make cautious little shuffles, scrunching the remaining mixes of nature and ice, kind of scared for his life that you would start to (rightfully) punch him. Thankfully, he got close enough to drape his jacket onto your shoulder, zipping up the front without asking you to put your arms. If it wasn’t for the fact that he ignored you, he would be teasing and asking you about what you are mulling over. “Let’s go inside, hm?”

Sunwoo sighs at your stubbornness when you shoved his arm away, feet planted on the ground.

“Go away.” 

His heart clenches at the way you probably meant that. It included a hint of hurt, broken the unanswered questions that were swarming your head.

“I’m sorry,” Sunwoo said so softly that you could’ve missed it if it wasn’t the way you were already actively focusing on him. “So please, let’s just get you inside. It’s my fault, I’m sorry.”

His palm goes over where his heart is and the other hand gives you a reassuring press. Sunwoo knew by the way you refused to look at him despite him bending over to meet your eyes, that this was going to be tough for you to listen to him.

But Kim Sunwoo is patient.

He’s always been patient and understanding when it comes to you. When his hands reach over to envelop yours, you don’t push away how he wraps his own between yours. Your heartbeat picks up its pace when he leads your joined hands into the pocket of his jacket, his thumb gliding over your skin. The act also sends your body closer to his, finally closing the gap between your bodies, sharing body warmth corresponding to the red hues on your cheeks.

Your lips now hover over his outwear and your nose takes his scent in, enjoying breathing in the familiarity after almost two days of no contact. Sunwoo bites his lips, nervous about having you in front of him and the way you tighten your hold on his hands tells him that you have a lot to say. 

“You don’t want to spend the first week of the new year bedridden, bubs.” Wordlessly and timidly, Sunwoo just scans over your facial features, his eyes roaming about while your eyes are stuck on his zipper which is halfway done.

“Don’t call me that…” Because it clicks open the surge of feelings that you have been trying to hide from him for the longest time. “Don’t…”

You were still half awake when he said his words.

Unknowingly to Sunwoo, you heard every single word that you have always wanted to say to him. That night, when his hand wrapped securely around your waist, you had the best sleep in your life, taking a mental note to talk about the topic later on.

Only to realise that you are both idiots with your feelings.

“I’m sor—”

“Stop apologising!” 

And it sends Sunwoo into a puddle of shock and confusion when your eyes send out a waterfall. He separates his hands from yours and they fly quickly to hold your cheeks. Stutters of more apologies string out and his thumbs weren’t fast enough to keep your face dry. 

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry too!”

“Hey, what are you sorry about? I’m the one who left you on read!”

“I’m sorry that I’ve never told you how much I appreciate you,” you hiccup before continuing, seeing a glimpse of Sunwoo’s gaping mouth, “I’m sorry that you’ve always been the one taking care of me and not the other way around,” and you see the way he shakes his head with furrowed eyebrows, “I’m sorry that I ever make you think that I don’t care about you!” 

“Hey, no. Don’t say that, I know you care abo—”

“I love you, Kim Sunwoo!” 

To him, even though Christmas has passed, he’s convinced that it’s a miracle for him. The night when he left to stay in your house, he innocently wished upon the shooting star, closing his eyes and hoping for your health and happiness—but he couldn’t help but also wish that you would love him back even though that’s out of his control.

But what can he do when he’s only loved one person and one person throughout his whole life?

“I’m sorry if I ever made you think that I like someone else because I can tell you now that all those dates I went to only made me sure that I’m so in love with you and you make me feel like I can just be myself when I’m around you and I also feel jittery when I’m around you and—”

This is not the type of confession that he has rehearsed for.

He guides your face into his chest, still sobbing and crying. As always, your hands weakly hit him, your lips still voicing out muffled confessions to him. Sunwoo’s arms wrap around your shoulders, the other on top of it. His head dips, his lips breathing out air near your ear, resting his forehead on his arm for stability. He wants to say something, anything to make sure that his avoidance doesn’t mean that he doesn’t love you back but all he wants to do is to just hold you closer to make it clear that no one could take you out on another date.

Only he can take you out on dates now.

You sniffle, catching your breath after letting your feelings out. The hold around you makes you melt, smiling before turning to where Sunwoo is. At your longing stare, his head shoots back up in surprise, tripping over his own words at how you look at him with beady, watery eyes in adoration. Shy Sunwoo is going to be a sight that you’ll get used to quickly, noting how adorable he is with how his eyes refuse to meet yours and his lips moving without any sound actually coming through.

“I love you.” 

You repeated quieter just for him so that he was the only one who could hear the words.

“I love you so much.”

You stood on your toes, planting a kiss on his chin.

“I love you so much but,” Sunwoo gulps with how you squinted your eyes, “if you leave my side next year, I won’t hesitate to throw a snowball to your face.”

“Oh God, please don’t do that.” Mortified and shaking his head, “I’m sorry, you win. I’ll do anything, just please have mercy on me.”

“Anything?”

Sunwoo gives a series of firm, convincing nods.

“Kiss me.”

The words took a while to register in his mind and he couldn’t help the breath hitching when he realised your request. Sunwoo almost stumbled backwards, your hands tug the fabric of his pockets, pulling him back to you and reality. It caused your foreheads to lightly bump and the impact made you wince at his stupidity. 

“I-I’m sorry! I-I’m—”

“Kim Sunwoo! There’s going to be a mark there! That hur—”

A pair of comforting hands hold your jawline, tilting your face to accommodate the height difference between the two once-best friends. When Sunwoo gets a better grip on himself, he quickly dives in when your lips part, swallowing your complaints and making his dreams come true. 

Double a decade—no, more than that. 

That’s how much he’s waited for this moment with you.

When his lips would slot against yours, hugging your top ones with his before pulling away to give the same amount of affection to your bottom ones. Your noses bump into each other slightly, making the moment seem real and fun, smiling and giggling when you both part for air. Shy and kind of embarrassed with how messy and uncoordinated it is but you both know you wouldn’t want to share each other’s firsts with anyone else. 

At this moment, it’s you and him in this world.

That’s how you ended the year. Clenched fist still inside his pockets, though that didn’t stop you from folding the fabric back so that you could have your arms wrapped around his middle to pull him closer. The sky soon blooms shortly after, and the happy firing noises illuminate the night sky, beating the dull light and colour of the moon that everyone sees every day. Because of the dynamic colours, Sunwoo is able to see the shades of the celebration mirrored on your skin, finding you more beautiful than ever before. 

Though beautiful, the fireworks did make Sunwoo roll his eyes when he seemingly needed to repeat variations of “Be my girlfriend!” even though you were less than ten centimetres away from his face. He knows after your third “What? I can’t hear you” that you were playing with him, giving you pecks of his lips across your face playfully, enjoying how your laughs neutralised the flowers in the sky. 

You ended the year with the start of a kiss with your best friend.

And start the new year with a new title for your ex-best friend.

With Kim Sunwoo, of course.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

the warmest winter | tbz choi chanhee | new

"She has a date with me tomorrow."

​PAIRING » tbz choi chanhee (new) x fem!reader​ TROPE/AU » ​childhood friends to lovers, fake dating au, non-idol au!, high school au! GENRE​ » fluffy fluff with a touch of angst, reader is a skater! (has her hair up in a bun), chanhee is very jelly of juyeon (hehe), but also chanhee is just jealous in general (...hehe), fake dating (i tried my best ahhhh), juyeon makes an appearance as jealous chanhee's rival WORD COUNT » 5805 ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~21 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » very inaccurate depiction of skating in general (writing this made me miss skating...), very fast proofreading (twice)

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

hi @astrae4 !! yes, i'm your secret santa!! 🤭 sorry (not really hehe) for tricking you into thinking otherwise 🫢 it was very cute and funny to hear you say "it's definitely not you" when we were on call 🤣 had my camera been on, i wouldn't have gotten away with it 😫 just to let you know that @heemingyu was also playing along too (thanks for that and reading this, honey bee!) 😁 don't be too mad, dek! 😭 i'm innocent—

There are many good things about having a best friend who has known you since you were in diapers. 

For you, the funniest reason would be how you would dead stare him across the room, with the straightest and plainest face, him directing one back at you. It sends the others into a fit of confusion, worries and frustration as none could ever figure out what’s in the duo’s minds. The chaotic reason would be that you would both wreak havoc together. Like that one time during the last day of primary school when you both decide to fill up thirty water balloons to their full capacity and throw them to any of the teachers in the outdoor field, fearless of the possibility of getting in trouble as graduation was around three hours after. The embarrassing reason would be that Chanhee would come to cheer you on your sport, luxuriously with his branded clothes from all his hard work, holding his big handmade slogan to support you as you glide across the ice to your routine. He would always get an earful from you after but he got his karma when you came in, dressed in highlighter yellow, sitting on the front row seat to his singing performance. 

It’s the day that everyone has realised that the two of you are menaces to society. 

The comforting reason, and is one of the biggest reasons why you two are still stuck to the hip after a decade, would be that when your lips are pouted, eyes glistening with tears, hugging your knees to your chest and whimpering your worries in the night, Chanhee would sit beside you wordlessly. Patiently waiting for you to cry your feelings out, patting your back rhythmically as he sometimes let time pass by scrolling through his phone, occasionally showing the funny reel on his screen to get you to join in his laughs. For him, the moment of calmness when you both would hit the breaks to your chaotic lives would be the best ones too with Friday nights becoming obligatory ‘brake time to get a break from society’ which can sometimes be too much.

But this Friday is a bit different. 

Your final skating competition before you graduate high school is coming up in less than a month and despite the nervous butterflies growing in your stomach, you’re still very much excited to participate. You’re somewhat confident that you’ll do well, especially with all the experience that you have and the achievements and trophies that show off your hard work. But all of that didn’t stop you from agreeing to the voice in your head that tells you to put your blades on and just bask in the cold. Feeling nervous is a given but you have to believe in yourself that you can win this scholarship to your dream university. 

The blades of your skates glide smoothly across the new ice sheet that has recently resurfaced once more. This is the second time that you had to step out of the rink and it shows the duration that you’ve spent without thinking much. Even when the doors to the public were closed, through your coach and her connections to the people who work at the rink, you were able to stay for even longer. Staying on the ice also meant that you were separated from your phone, leaving everyone on delivered for another two hours. 

But Chanhee knows your habits, driving to the ice rink and pushing the still-unlocked front door to see you skating leisurely without a care in the world. He smiles warmly behind his blue scarf, delighted at the little smile and satisfying self-cheer when you land correctly, scratching the ice with your achievements once again. Silently, he sits down on one of the benches, going on his phone but still occasionally looking at your dancing figure once in a while.

You don’t know how you missed a whole hour of another person’s presence—or maybe it’s because you’re so used to and comfortable with him that you don’t notice him—but you literally almost trip from the ice and the edge of the ice rink when you spot your best friend with his Hello Kitty beanie that you gifted him this year for his birthday.

“Slow down.” He tries to hold his laughter when you let out a puff of air, annoyed at your clumsiness. “You should come eat. I’m sure you forgot about that.”

The mention of food and the familiar takeout bag from your favourite place brightens your face, the corners of your lips lifting immensely and you kick off your shoes, tiptoeing in the cold and wet puddles to quickly fill up your stomach after a successful practice session. 

“Knew I could count on you.” 

“Duh.” He rolls his eyes playfully. “I feel so bad for your stockings, I swear.” Commenting on your slightly damp black fabric. 

The only response he got was the way you rub the watered part onto his pants, him shrieking and sliding himself away from you on the bench, only for you to of course follow him. In the end, when he reaches the end of the aluminium seat, he only groans and tells you off, giving an empty warning that he’ll never pick you up and buy you food ever again. When you put your tongue out, making a funny face to him, his cheeks blush hues of red and pink in the dimly lit seating area—you didn’t see it though as you were too focused on the flavours bursting in your mouth. 

When you fully focus back on your food once again, leaving him in his little world, Chanhee buries his lower face further into his scarf, away from your field of vision. He leans a little bit back to make sure he can just admire you without being too obvious. His heart flutters when his mind replays back to your mischievous and cute face, and the way you didn’t mind being so close to his face—though he was freaking out about it all. 

But how could he ever tell you? Because he can’t even explain to you when he started to fall for you. Was it that time when you ran to him at primary school, winging about how you needed a friend to get ice cream? Or that time when you stayed by his side and continued to support him when he hit the hard times while he was preparing for his first performance in high school? What about that time when you would just lay on his shoulder and listen to his worries, completely understanding his thoughts, never judging him through words or facial expressions?

He can’t even make sense of it to himself. Let alone with you.

“I’m annoyed.” Your voice trails off in the big area but it reaches his ears easily.

Judging from the way your feet kick the air and the accommodating tone of your voice with your words, Chanhee’s lips pull into a straight line. “Another one?” followed by a deep chuckle and a frustrated sigh from you. 

“It’s not that funny, okay? You know I’m bad at rejecting…”

He ponders the thought behind your words, nodding as his memories play the series or tears after politely and in some cases, not as kindhearted, rejecting the ones who made an advance for you. When asked why those tears were showing, you commented how “it didn't feel right” and alternatives to “he didn't feel at home. He likes me because of my appearance. He's never even talked to me!” 

Chanhee wishes that it would never be like that for him. But it's okay, for he would never tell you his feelings for you anyway.

The realization weighed deeply in his heart, resonating hurt throughout his entire body. He glances over at you, hopefully discreetly, with how much love he could give you at any time. Impulsively, acting with a tinge of jealousy and possessiveness, the suggestion curled out from his tongue without another thought.

“Date me instead.”

Your feet stop kicking the air and both of your bodies are now stiff with widened eyes, as if the cold finally got to you guys.

“What?”

It sends Chanhee into a momentary faze and the blush on his cheeks spreads through not only his face but his entire body.

“Fake!” 

“HUH?”

“Like, fake dating!”

Then the implications behind his words finally sink into you. You didn’t realise this before but the idea does seem great for someone like you who has been trying to get people off your case. It’s tiring, especially when you can’t find a proper connection with either of them—none of them was better than your connection with Chanhee.

“For once in your life,” Your hand gives him a firm pat on his shivering shoulders, “you have come up with a great idea.”

Playing off the slight hurt in his heart, knowing that from your words that you didn’t see him anymore than just friends, Chanhee bravely flashes you a smile. “Do you want to or not?”

“...what’s the catch?” The growing grin on his face tells you everything. “I know you, Choi Chanhee. There’s no way something as taxing and effortful as dealing with me, has no catch to this agreement. Tell me!”

“The catch is,” he takes off his scarf, exposing the lower half of his face to you. Carefully, he wraps the dark blue material around yours, no longer seeing the exhaling white air, “that you get to listen to whatever I say.”

Adding a little touch to this, he bops the tip of your nose earning a deep grunt and shove from you but your hands still held on to the top edge of his scarf, enjoying the familiar scent and warmth that came from it. 

“Does that soothe your chaotic mind?”

“Mhm.” You hum in agreement, feeling your neck loosen from all the tension from the previous regular meetups that you both will have. Especially with you being so busy the entire time, it was nearly impossible to meet up with Chanhee unless he was the one going all the way for you. 

“Nothing will change.” Chanhee shrugs. “We’re just…us. Everyone is already thinking that we’re dating anyway so the only thing that'll change is more hand-holding and all that.”

“No kissing!”

“W-Wha--Of course not!” This time, you were shoved back. “Who wants to kiss you anyway? You literally drool in your sleep!”

“Hey!” With each growing rebuttal, so did the echo that bounced within the walls, “Don’t say that! You know how lonely, I am! That’s so mean!”

The laughing boy didn’t do much to ease you, just sticking a tongue out at you. He did, however, reach out to hold your icy hand. It made him frown, the little mountain growing on his lips. Suddenly, the gap between your body closes with him wrapping a secure hold of your waist. Confused by the sudden proximity, you let out a string of stutters as you look up to see him already staring at you.

“W-What are you…doing…?”

“We’re dating now.” He shrugs nonchalantly, “You have to get used to this.”

“No one is here, Chanhee.” 

He has never been one to initiate skinship. It has always been you cuddling up to his side like a koala, clinging and dragging him to every single place that you wanted to go.

“J-Just…leave me alone and let me hug you.” And he did. Your upper body twists to completely face him and your chin goes over the scarf to rest on his padded jacket. The height difference is why he had to bend to your figure, basically slumping over you but neither of you minded. With a clear of his throat without another word or action, he lets you go, stands up and asks for your hand. “It’s too cold. Let’s go, I’ll drop you home.”

“Wait Chanhee…” 

You drag the last syllable and the hand that reaches out for you slowly lowers. Chanhee sighs, knowing that it can't be good judging from the tone and the way your lips pull sideways.

“I need to rant about my upcoming duet routine.”

“Oh.”

He remembers the first time when you did perform once with someone else. Of course in group work, your effort and contributions matter just as much as theirs would matter to you. But your first (and what you hoped to be your last) partner ruined all potentially happy thoughts about performing with someone else. It sucked that even though you both did win a place at the podium, the stress and effort of basically choreographing at least ninety percent of the routine was not worth the bronze medal on the podium.

For a short while, it killed you to be on the ice and you refused to even step back there without a pressing reason. You're thankful that your coach has always been an understanding one because if she wasn't, your career in figure skating would be shredded at this point. Chanhee did help too, reminding you of the joy and laughter, even making himself borrow some skates from his friend. It led to bruises and him face-planting into the pile of snow but at least he got to see the way your eyebags disappeared over time.

That's more than worth it for him.

“You'll be alright.” He reassured first, kneeling to get into eye level with you even though yours is downcasted. He knows that your mind would go back to the past. “You got a shit partner but you'll be fine. I promise you that you'll do better this time.”

“I hope…”

“Who is it with this time?”

Despite breathing the cool air whenever you could, you could never get enough of it. 

“Lee Juyeon.”

Something inside him stops. Time didn't though because from his peripherals, he noticed how you stood and skipped your way down to the ground floor, patting your outfit dry as if some sort of ice or dust had dirtied it. He hears your announcement, shouting that you will get your things ready from the back room and miraculously, he lets out a croaked answer in return.

Lee Juyeon. 

Everyone in school loved him, Chanhee included. Most wanted to date him, others wanted to be him while the remaining loathed the way he was perfect in every way. In short, Lee Juyeon is the total opposite of Choi Chanhee. 

He prefers to spend his days quietly in the library alone while Juyeon prefers to attend parties. While Chanhee would be in his bed sleeping in the morning, Juyeon would be taking his daily morning run before rushing back home to shower and get ready for the school day. When Juyeon would be in his weekly student council meetings, Chanhee would eat ice cream at that nearby restaurant, basking in the sweetness after a stressful day.

This unfamiliar feeling sends Chanhee into a slight brain freeze when he imagines you both not only close physically but the fact that you will be near the perfect boy for the majority of your time—and the fact that he won't be able to spend time with you because you'll be busy with other priorities—makes the green feeling inside his chest grow with the devil snickering inside his head. He was still so deep in thought that he didn't even notice you wave your hands infront of his face despite having his eyes seemingly on your face.

“It's almost midnight.” You say, opting to drag him out of the building with a hold of his clothed wrist. “Daydream later, loser.”

Oh, you're so right about that. And he's in deep trouble about it all. 

What he didn’t truly prepare for, however, is the number of times that you would leave him on delivered, responding to his messages from the beginning of the day to the end in one go, buzzing his phone repeatedly when he’s doing his final skin routine before sleep takes over him. He’s still understanding, knowing how the competition is important for you. At least she still answers me back right? He reassures himself while throwing the face mask away, the cooling air on his face suddenly turns his mind back to the short ‘date’ from the other day. 

He still remembers the pink checkered shorts that you paired with a simple button white long sleeve. Your hair is freed in the wind, taking the scent of your shampoo—to him. The struggles of keeping his palm dry when it’s around yours, and the bigger struggle to keep his skin neutral void of any redness whenever he catches a glance of your smile.

“Once more!” You plead, handing your phone back to him after switching back to the camera app. 

Despite the roll of his eyes, he’s thankful that the device hid his face from yours, even if it’s only a while. He focuses on the screen and your figure, arguably more than the technology. He directs your poses: hands collecting your hair into a bun, looking down at your feet while the other shot is one of you puckering your lips, looking to the side with a quick peace sign.

Both became his lock and home screen using the excuse of making the relationship more believable—we know more than that though.

It fuels his hate for himself and Juyeon when he texts you that he finished the final part of the routine, asking if you’re free to test it out with him.

After that, school was the only place where you would exchange smiles, stick out tongues, share food, hugs and even kisses on each other’s cheeks, Chanhee only found himself in deep trouble. The public display of affection did make other boys leave you alone, gulping and scurrying away in masses when he would throw them a side glare, his hand on your waist tightening his hold each time. 

It would drag your attention to him, whenever he does that. Such a new feeling, yet fluttering and intimate. You would clutch the loose fabric of his shirt, hand once relaxed on his chest. Brown eyes would run over the creases of disgust and the lines of fury across his usual soft, kind face. Whenever you would ask him for a peek inside his mind, his eyes would quickly turn to the ones that he would usually show whenever he would laugh and nag you to put your upper body back inside his car in the late-night drives. Or when you would do your night routines together every single time, without fail—for your information, it’s been two weeks since then.

Sure it’s all for show, but two weeks ago when he proposed the idea, it seemed that nothing had changed for him and even though he’s glad that no one is crazily chasing after you anymore, it hurt that he feels like he’s been abandoned by you. Heck, he hasn’t even taken you out for a ‘date’ yet. Friendly date, ‘fake’ date. The label that you would put on it didn’t matter much for him as long he took some of your time.

So now, with the owl hooting outside his window, dressed and ready to sleep with his Hello Kitty pyjamas, something is telling him to pick up his keys from the handmade bowl that you both messily painted as kids, go for some drive-through to pick up your favourite food and drive to the ice rink.

The sight that greeted him when he did reach his destination caused the paper cup in his hand to spill all over the rubber of the ice rink. The low-pitched clatter stops the laughs that erupt from you and the male who had his arms wrapped around your waist, his defined chest pressing comfortably against your exposed back due to your outfit, is the one who straightens his back first, noticing the painful gaze from outside the rink.

But again, Juyeon is everything Chanhee isn’t. 

The way that Juyeon let out that signature ‘oh’ of his with the sickening way that he hollers a greeting to the envious boy, not even bothering to throw a discouraging comment that would hurt his pride and would then rightfully give a reason to hate him that has a glad upturned smile on his face, Chanhee would’ve run straight back to the door that he opened excitedly before. Just like your skating partner, you also let out an ‘oh!’ at his presence and he couldn’t help but think that now, Juyeon isn’t taking away his time with you anymore but also the way you speak. 

Leisurely gliding your way towards the railing of the enclosed rink, the anterior side of your forearm rests, your feet still making little circles on the part of the rink that wouldn’t usually be given that much attention to professional skaters like you.

“Having fun?” It came out more venomous and spiteful than he thought. Even his eyes widened slightly in fear, seeing a similar look in your eyes. But he maintains eye contact with you, the paper of the takeaway scrunching rapidly under his hold.

“I’ll leave you two lovebirds alone. See you tomorr—”

“She has a date with me tomorrow.”

“Wait, Chanh—”

“Right?”

It’s so impossible to miss. Not with the way that maybe if Chanhee blinks, the normal act could’ve probably sent his eyes into a newfound breakdown that he has been trying so desperately to hide. Especially not in front of Juyeon, he’s not about to cry now. 

Your chest raises, inhaling the stuffy air to your beating lungs. Lips parted to start speaking your thoughts and Chanhee watched with a more definite crease between his eyebrows as you could only articulate the sounds of some familiar words, unable to audibly tell him anything. For what seemed like forever, you both just looked at each other. You tilt your head every single time your best friend directs his attention away to his house slippers back to your eyes. Beneath the tough exterior that he’s putting on, it’s easy for you to see how something is troubling him. 

The first one is his attire. Unless you were in a life-or-death situation, there is no way Chanhee would stain the white satin button-up and long pants. There was one time when you were begging profusely for a late-night snack and spontaneous hangout but even then, he just nodded and hummed into the phone, telling you that he needs to “keep the white pure, away from the sins of the outside world.” 

Juyeon quietly leaves the scene, hand giving a tight squeeze before disappearing for the night.

“Let’s sit down?” You offer, uncertainty clouding your judgement. 

The bench awaits patiently for you, the jacket lazily slopped over it. You’re so tense and unsure about the situation that even taking the steps up the dry stairs was so quiet—more silent than the shaking exhales that the puff of coloured air made due to the cold. Your fingers brush against the fine hair of the material but you didn’t put it on yourself. The tips of your hair flip around to see your best friend not even anywhere near the bottom step, still frozen in the same place as before.

Knowing that you won’t be in the mood to skate after whatever confrontation and conversation you’ll have with him, you pack your bags, slipping off into comfortable shoes for running—if you really have to. Chanhee’s bangs fell over his eyes easily with the downward tilt of his head, a miracle that his neck wasn’t cramping right now. From the shadows on the ground, a long line goes over his head and his shoulder lazes a new heavy material. The body part tries to shake the warmth stubbornly but a click of your tongue is what stops Chanhee from flopping around like a dying fish.

“Did you know my dad used to be in the mafia?”

It’s supposed to take you both out of this challenging atmosphere but you know that even though his eyes are hidden because of his posture and his grown strands, he isn’t going to return the playfulness. The strap of your backpack is the only one that knows your nervousness, croaking due to the leather material, your nails probably engraving this moment into its skin.

“Juyeon…huh?” 

A broken laugh comes out from you, eyes wandering to the background space around his head area. Has the wall always had that crack on the wall? Oh…how is the fly surviving in this weather? Is it raining outsi—

“Do you like Juyeon?”

“W-What?” Why did the question hurt so much to hear? “I’m dating you, Chanhee.”

“I don’t think anyone believes it to be honest.” He shrugs, adamant about staying focused on the topic. “I just wanted to know,” His eyes dart around the place, anywhere but to you, “wanting to know if you’re part of the ninety percent of our cohort that likes him.”

“Oh.” It was out of nowhere but being suspicious isn’t the right word to describe it. It was more to curiosity as to why Chanhee would just ask such a thing all of a sudden. “I do think he’s attractive.” You shrug leisurely, unaware of the screaming in his head. “He’s a good partner too.”

Chanhee tries his best to mask the growing ache in his chest, blankly nodding. “He is your type after all.”

“I have a type?” One of your eyebrows rises, “I didn’t even know that myself.”

“Right…” Finally, the food is shoved into your chest, just like how it’s always been. If so, then why did it hurt you when he told you, “Date him then.”

An immeasurable kind of clench was made by the muscles around your heart.

“W-What?”

Thank god you changed shoes because he stormed out right after.

Your phone also became silent, no more life was given to Chanhee. What annoyed you most wasn’t the ‘good’ news that spread to the boys but the fact that he would make it so obvious that he hated you whenever you would make your presence known to him.

“Talk to him after this.” Juyeon encourages you, handing your bottle of water from his hand.

“I can’t.” You huffed. “He treats me like a plague.”

You quite literally cannot have this in your mind right now. The competition is in a few hours and you messed up both of your rehearsals for tonight. The slight pain that throbs from your lower palm will be, you swear, used to slap someone who truly deserves a wake-up call. As the sun rose each day for the past week, it also burnt along your hopes that Chanhee would talk and ease your worries so that you could dance freely, marking your perfect twirls on the ice that shines along with you. 

Juyeon’s eyes relax, sending you a slumped smile with half-lidded eyes. “Does he know about tonight?”

You did indeed send him a message about today but you’re doubtful that he would come. You even tried bribing him with free food but maybe the boy knows that your anger might turn to something more, saving himself from your hits and complaints. 

But you’re just unaware of what he’s truly trying to save himself from.

The sunset marks the start of the open doors. Relatives, schoolmates, acquaintances and even strangers bustle through with their appropriate clothes—including a young girl with short sleeves that you are sure would throw a fit to ask her mother for a jacket—all gathered to support the skaters, especially those who have university representatives to impress.

With the cute bright pink mittens, the waving hands catch your attention quickly. You send a quick wave back to your sister who waves the supportive banner she made, along with your parents who gave you thumbs up, placing their hands around the circumference of their mouth to shout and holler at you.

It’s all so awesome.

But it would’ve been perfect had someone else come.

The realisation makes your heart drop. Chanhee has always come to all your competitions without fail but this one, when everything is on the line. Before you have to completely push your phone away, your thumbs search for his contacts, automatically just checking in your recent section. Even though the relationship between you is ambiguous, you couldn’t find it in you to change his name which implies a romantic title for him.

It seems right.

It seemed that no one should have that title but him.

Your eyelids collect as much water as they can before it spills onto the phone screen. It seemingly glitches the words on the glass, distorting your spam messages for him. “Just come…please…” you whisper before texting him the same exact words that you just said.

But he decides to crush the final hopes that you ever had in him, leaving you on seen once again. The familiar shout that gathers all the players rings through your ears and Juyeon’s figure behind you also tells you that it’s time to push Chanhee aside for now.

“He’s not my boyfriend, Ju…” The truth spills out and even though the boy has things to ask, he decides to let you rant before going. “But I want him to be.”

You know this now with the distance he puts between you. 

It’s suffocating. 

More than dehydration. More than the minus temperature. More than the scratch on your hand.

“I just want him, Juyeon…” Beads in your eyes, shaking lips and true feelings. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” He nods, wishing the best for you. “I knew that my feelings wouldn’t be reciprocated.” 

It lifted off a weight in your chest, knowing that Juyeon’s reassurance that you would both still stay friends. You both sway beautifully on the ice, balancing and leaving the audience in awe, judges in amazement and competitors in envy. If there is one thing you can take away from this, is that for you, being on ice with someone else can truly be fun. You both promise to meet each other on the ice next time, in the future, professionally and relieve this perfect teammate chemistry once again.

And now, you’re shaking your limbs, trying your best to ease your nerves.

Still no sign of him.

You force your neck to look down, just focusing on the marks of the moulded plastic and leather, plunging the front spikes of the shoes into the floor.

“That’s…going to make a mark.”

That voice.

The one that could ever stare at you with a blank stare and contain his laughter. The one that would leave others in fear whenever a sinister smile and wiggling of eyebrows would be sent to each other. The same one that stands beside you, taking the blame alone when the drenched teacher finds you both.

The same one that would usually sit by your sister and make the banner with her, splashing on extra glitter and Hello Kitty stickers. The same one that would lend his luxury brand accessories, not getting mad if you accidentally broke it.

It propels you forward to his already half-opened arms, waiting for you, always reserved for you. Just as you promised to yourself, Chanhee takes the hits on his chest, listening to your words and letting his clothes seep your cries.

“I know, I’m sorry.” One hand encircles your waist from behind, the other patting your hairsprayed scalp. “I won’t lie that I skipped the one you did with Juyeon but I know your parents recorded it so,” he shrugs, “but I’m here for the main performance. Yours.”

Your small chuckle made him do the same. “You’re not wearing a stupid outfit.”

Chanhee hums. “I thought I would be a very supportive friend and won’t embarrass you for this event.”

“Boyfriend.”

“W-What?”

“You’re my boyfriend.”

It leaves him in a daze but he knows that you weren’t joking. To him, his gulp seemed a bit loud but maybe with the way you slowly left his arms, you might’ve missed it. 

“I love you, Chanhee.” Your eyes searched for rejection but all he did was blink at you rapidly. You took this as a sign to keep going. “I think I always have and you being idiotic just made it clear to me.”

“O-Oh…”

“D-Do you—” You shake your head, waving your hands the same way to him. “Actually don’t tell me! Let me skate first. J-Just watch me…”

When was the last time Chanhee has seen you so flustered? It leaves him breathless and his heart soaring and he knows within himself that he wants to be the only one to ever put you in that state. He gives a nod, a smile plastered on his face. You thought he would join your parents on the bench but he stays near the entrance of the rink, giving your lower back the lightest touch, whispering you a final message before you enter the spotlight.

The message rings in your ear the whole time. The music suddenly fades but every time you could catch a glimpse of Chanhee, you know that he didn’t say it for you to feel flustered and fail. 

And fail, did you not. 

The reward on the podium with a gold medal hanging around your neck sends you many obstacles of representatives who want you to join the team. But they could wait.

Just like a few minutes ago, your arms circles his neck, pushing Chanhee’s lips to your own. A few seconds before your lips meet him, the boy lets out a little ‘hmph’ before he softens, his eyes closing in the same time and way yours does. The way the cold replaces the warmth of his lips leaves you both chuckling even when he momentarily pushes you away to save himself from the tickles that you gave his waist. But once again, the words that he whispers against your shy lips remind you that his eyes have always held the same love that you have given him and the way your lips move passionately in sync with his, tells you that he wasn’t playing around with his words.

With your heart.

With you.

“I love you,” he tells you with his lips.

The motives behind his proposal with this whole fiasco become clear and the redness on your face is no longer due to the energy-consuming routine that you just performed. It deepens when he gives you his mittens, slipping them through your fingers and messaging each one with care. It deepens further when he lends you a fabric to keep your throat healthy so that you can confess to him again. It deepens even more when he realises that you’re shivering after the adrenaline of your sport drains you and he wraps his scent around your uniform.

“Thanks for making my winters warmer.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿

[04:42] | tbz kim sunwoo

"It's not disgusting okay?"

​PAIRING » tbz kim sunwoo x fem!reader TROPE/AU » ​established relationship au!, non-idol au!, the slightest friends to lovers (from their backstory) GENRE​ » sunwoo is so whipped for you, fluffy fluff fluff fluff, the slight tinge of angst, non-sexual undressing (reader is on her period and sunwoo is lovely and helps you change!), sunwoo being so in love with you, caring boyfriend kim sunwoo, reader blushing because sunwoo is so whipped for you, sunwoo reassuring you that staining the bed and his clothes that you're wearing is not a big deal at all, kim sunwoo is whipped for you (...did i say that already—), fast proofread once! WORD COUNT » 1593 ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~6 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader is on her period, emotional rollercoaster for the reader (period hormones), descriptions of blood, undressing (non-sexual!)

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

thank you for reading @deobienthusiast, @sohnric !! 💕

...also i'm so soft for this scenario 😭

Maybe it’s the love instinct that woke him up.

Sunwoo isn’t one to wake up in the middle of his slumber, content with the rest he would be awarded after the long days of yawning and the tears that would spring to his eyes whenever he did so. Maybe he woke up because his bed was warmer than usual with your presence next to him, hiding your face into his chest while you let out soft snores from your slightly gaped lips, unaware of the affectionate gaze falling upon you.

Though the sleep is still in his eyes, he couldn’t help but coo at your sleeping figure. The corner of his lips pulled into a smile, content with how peaceful you looked after yesterday's long crying session. His fingers brush the hair strands that inconveniently block your side view, taking multiple attempts due to how gentle Sunwoo is being to keep you asleep.

“You’re so beautiful,” he confesses with a forehead kiss.

You respond with a few shuffles making his eyes slightly widen, his whole body automatically staying still. Light groaning and mumbles fall out of you and your eyes still haven’t opened, your brain pushing you closer to the chest that acted as a barrier with the sunset. Sunwoo chuckles when you exhale in satisfaction with his hand on the back of your head to bring you closer.

“You’re too cute.” He’s so in love with you, his heart combusting with every small thing you do. “I’m so thankful you’re mine.”

If you were fully conscious, you would have responded with words or at least gestures that would convey the same meaning as the ones he just said. But unfortunately, the stomach of your muscles constricts and the crease between your eyebrows truly alerted Sunwoo, the feeling of drowsiness completely gone. 

“Sun…woo…” The pain pulls you of out his hold, your hands flying to your abdomen as if you’re trying to keep the body part together from falling out. 

“What? What’s wrong?” His body immediately sits up, one hand on your sweating forehead, the other clenching one of your hands on your lower body. “Hey, it’s okay. I’m here.”

His eyes answered his growing anxiety, the colour seeping through his bedsheets. At first, his eyebrows knitted in confusion as he recalls seeing the tracker on his phone; you’re a few days early, it’s happened before but never this early. His body springs into action first, jumping on his feet to carry your whimpering body to the bathroom. 

“Bubs.” He tries to distract you from the pain. The cover of the toilet seat clangs against its tank, Sunwoo slamming it open to get you to sit properly. “Tell me what I can do to help. Do you need anything?”

You try your best to answer but only incoherent words strung out of your shaking lips, eyes twinkling with tears due to the kicks and pushes on your whole lower body that is slowly spreading and growing worse by the second. With no proper response given, Sunwoo could only frown at your situation. His knees try to be comfortable against the cold tiles, eyes observing your every motion.

He would take your pain away if he could.

The way your body curls in front of him, arms tightly wrapped around your middle and the way the sweat trickles down your nape, making your body temperature spike uncomfortably. A curse is heard from your boyfriend when your sobs grow louder.

“It’s never hurt this much before.” And he’s never seen you in this much pain before. “I hate this…”

“I know, I know.” Sunwoo validates your feelings. He offers his comfort with the circling motions on your knees. “Should I get you a heat pack? The chicken and corn soup from down the streets? Warm water?” 

“I-I don’t know…” You shook your head. “I’m sorry I stained your sheets and clothes…” 

“Hey…” Sunwoo shakes his head firmly, “That stuff doesn’t matter to me, okay? Don’t even think of those insignificant things right now.” Sunwoo kisses the tip of your sweaty nose, reassuring you further.

Just like on cue, a lightbulb flashes on top of his head, recalling an episode that his sister told him about when she was having her own time. The realisation didn’t go past you and you just watched lifelessly when he ran out of the room to grab your spare underwear and the new pack of pads from the bottom cabinet.

“S-Sunwoo?”

You know that Sunwoo has always been a caring boyfriend. Observant and always keeping an eye on you in case you need any sort of hand. When you were both just friends, he had always held your hand whilst crossing the street or given you a pack of tissues whenever you started your meal—mind you you were already in high school at this point.

It's always sent your heart fluttering, your face flushed and your arms around his whenever he's by your side. 

Just when you thought that Sunwoo couldn't get any more observant, the way he peels the pad from its plastic cover, scrunching the piece of paper that covered the adhesive and patting the cotton on the right side of the fabric, he shows again that he still has love to give you. 

That he still loves you ever since he laid his eyes on you and shows that the words are true.

Sunwoo turns around, his hands on the waistband of the clothing, proud of his best work. For a second his gesture made your eyelids collect the tears that have been threatening to fall, and Sunwoo strides to you once more.

“I can see your thoughts, bubs.” Kneeling once more, his hands came up to stroke your cheeks, “It's not disgusting okay? It's part of your life to have periods.”

Sunwoo offers to at least have you change into some fresh clothes, his plan including helping you change out of your dirty underwear that is making you squirm and sensitive. The shake of your head renders Sunwoo hopeless, slowly seeing the arising panic start to show in your eyes.

“No…” It's when you realise once again just how much the time of your month renders you useless. The pressing of your arms on your stomach becomes stronger in hopes of relieving some pain. “I can't let you see that…that'll be too much…”

“I won't even look at your garment! I'll keep my eyes on you the whole time and I'll just throw it in the bathtub okay?” A thumb is thrown to the side to indicate the direction. “I can't let you be in pain and be uncomfortable like this, bubs.” A soothing press on the lips gets your mind back in place, and feel more connected to the present.

Your tired eyes open, greeting a pair of fond ones, Sunwoo scrunching his nose up cutely and bopping the tip of his nose with yours mischievously. The sound of your laughter relieves him, eventually urging him to press another peck to your lips.

“Promise you won’t leave me after this?”

“Stupid girl, I won’t leave you!” He shakes his head with the brightest smile on his face. “There’s no way I would do that to you.”

Sunwoo coils his hand tightly with yours, his thumb running over your skin before he lets out an exhale followed by an ‘okay’. You nod to him, understanding the meaning behind his words. He puts his hands gently on your hips, another series of circular motions over the fabric of his stained shirt. Gentle and slow—it makes your emotions bounce all over the small bathroom, crying and thankful for the forehead kiss he gives once more.

“I won’t look okay?” You smile, genuinely trusting his words.

You scrunch your (boyfriend’s) shirt to your waistline from the side to let Sunwoo hook the item of clothing underneath. The shirt still covered your private parts, it being oversized enough to keep that part of yourself hidden. Sunwoo keeps his eye contact with your half-lidded eyes, making silly faces to cheer you up—his eyes tell a different story though. 

“Done!” He flicks the tinted clothing to the bathtub away from both of your eyes. “Alright?” Checking on you.

“More than alright.” A wave of relief washes over you as soon as the clean cotton piece snaps on your hips. You stretched the ache of your ached back, straightening up and relaxing your posture. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” He rises from his knees, cupping your face between the palms of his hands. “You’re so adorable.” Squishing your cheeks despite the complaints you gave him with the red hues on your skin.

But your mind runs back to the white sheets of his bed behind the door and your lower lips juts in guilt. Before you could even say anything else, Sunwoo places your chin between the pads of his thumb and pointer, tilting your head slightly to accommodate for the height difference. 

“I’ll change it.” Whispering against your lips. “I’ll get you some warm water so you just rest your body for a bit more and I’ll change it.”

Apologies wouldn’t work on him. You know that’s not what he wants this to be. “Thank you. Cuddles after?”

Like a delighted child, excited with the mention of his favourite thing to do with you, Sunwoo skips out of the bathroom and you hear the plush of the pillows and duvet that plops on the floor amongst the other rowdy things.

“You can compensate with as many cuddles and kisses as I want when I’m done!”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @heemingyu

[03:21] | tbz kim sunwoo

then at least you'll know that you tried

​PAIRING » tbz kim sunwoo x gn!reader (not proofread! tell me if i made a mistake!) TROPE/AU » established relationship au!, non-idol au!, smau...? text messages!! GENRE »​ hurt/comfort...?, sunwoo just being a supportive boyfriend because i think it suits him so so so much, fluffy fluff fluff fluff, angst, reader is going through a new phase in her uni/educational life, playful banter between them two, but sunwoo and reader love each other a lot, sunwoo is so cute (this is the type of partner i want tbh...) WORD COUNT » 486 ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~2 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » mentions of anxiety/nervousness relating to university/education, not proofread at all

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

i literally woke up twice during the night because of the new and unexpected changes relating to my uni journey. i think it's been weighing on me a lot because i never thought and had no expectations that i would be given the opportunity to move to a bachelor degree that will benefit me a lot.

i'm just a second year in university right now and i don't know whether i have enough experience to say this but to all of you hesitating and scared of new experiences, i understand you so much and i hope you'll be able to pick a decision for YOURSELF that will make you happy. uni is important. education is one of my core values but what is knowledge if you need to sacrifice happiness? education is a privilege, yes i get that but don't forget that to keep going in life, you must stay true to yourself first and foremost. and i can tell you now that hard work WILL NEVER betray you. i've always been stuck in this awkward position between the middle and high scores in high school but now in uni, though it's hard, psychology is something i love so much and now that i'm given this opportunity, though i'm nervous, i know it'll be worthwhile and i can only hope the same for you too.

i'm proud of you all. keep going!! you got this!!

thank you to all my friends who sat through and just listened to me rant about this, you gave me a lot of strength and courage. i love you all so much.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @heemingyu

cupid's mistake | tbz kim sunwoo

“Now that’s a mistake that I can live with.”

​PAIRING » the boyz kim sunwoo x fem!reader (ft. nct's na jaemin) TROPE/AU » friends to lovers, non-idol au!, high school au! GENRE »​ THIS WAS SO FLUFFY UWU, but also add those angsts!!, SLIGHTLY suggestive (one makeout scene, sunwoo leaves kissing marks near your collarbones), love triangle...?, (kinda) slowwww burn, i love supportive and attentive sunwoo who gives so much love to the reader, MUTUAL PINING (they're both blind aye), sunwoo is an idiot because he PUSHES THE READER AWAY GRRR, cliché cause i live for this hehe, sunwoo babysits the reader's little bro (cutie sunwoo), sunwoo is the type to give the reader physical space because she's overwhelmed, reader blushing at sunwoo, a terrible attempt at comedy, oh...i think i'm in love with kim sunwoo again (i literally changed my bias to hyunjae like a month ago---) WORD COUNT » 13,061 (hi yes, izzy is entering her long wc era!!)​ ESTIMATED READING TIME » i'm scared to put this down 😭 forgive me!! WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » suggestive!!, reader is a lightweight (not sure if this is a warning), reader uses alcohol to distract herself (sunwoo will come to the rescue tho!; of legal age), reader has a bad schema for men, incredibly fast proofread once

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

hands down the hardest story i've EVER written (including my 40+ wips) and i stopped multiple times because it explores a huge part of my life that makes me super vulnerable. the internet may judge me after this but i'm going to stay strong for myself; they don't know what i've been through.

i'm glad that i have met idols who have at least helped my schema for men. mark lee, na jaemin, cho seungyoun (woodz), lee jaehyun (hyunjae) and kim sunwoo (sorry i was so harsh on you 😭 i'm very thankful for your existence no wonder what anyone else believes and thinks; and people can believe what they want to believe because i'm tired of trying to make them believe something else).

izzy...

if there is one internet trend (?) that you should take seriously, it's that: not all men are the same.

and you know that. you've seen it with your guy friends and the teachers that you were close to in high school. they're not like the ones who hurt you. i know you're scared and with what you've been through, i would like to at least believe that it's valid. i really hope that you keep going and keep fighting.

thank you for reading @heemingyu @mmoonbaee !! love our chaotic trio!! 🥰

You’ve rejected Kim Sunwoo before.

Twice, apparently.

It left the rest of your friend group flabbergasted when they heard that you did something so incredible. When asked why you rejected the friend that has stuck with you since the beginning of your hellish high school days, the only response you gave them was a fake smile with your eyebrows knitted together and your eyes roaming around the room, avoiding the intense (and totally unnecessary) curiosity in their gaze.

The truth is that you really do see why people fall in love with Kim Sunwoo.

You agree with the fact that he’s a romantic person and would absolutely take care of his partner well. You can vouch for this with the number of times he almost faceplanted on the very non-slippery cement when he saw you on the other side of the road, excited to finally see his dearest best friend. You can confidently vouch for him when he stubbornly gives his favourite hoodie for you to use, not hesitating to make sure you’re warm even though he knows he’s going to be bedridden. You can brag about your best friend’s selfless personality, telling them how Sunwoo went out of his way to comfort you along the beach at night when you said you were feeling empty.

Out of everyone in the world, you’re the one who knows best that Sunwoo has always been a caring person. Like that time when you both finally became adults and he waited for his first sip of alcohol to be with you. Embarrassingly, you’re much more lightweight than you both thought but even though Sunwoo could barely balance his steps, that didn’t stop him from giving you a piggyback ride walk to your house where he also really embarrassingly this time, actually faceplanted in front of your mother as he misses the step down the stairs when leaving.

So yes, you understand why people have massive heart eyes whenever he’s around.

But to you, he’s just your best friend. One that you hope would be there for you every step of the way even after you go on to the next chapters of your life.

The first confession was a quick one, a simple “Have you ever thought of dating me?” from Sunwoo and with a playful disgusted look, you simply respond with “Ew, no way.”

But the second one is more serious for Sunwoo. His heart was beating so fast that it was strong enough to make his whole body fall onto the ground; maybe it would’ve been better for the Earth to swallow him up so that he’d never have to face you ever again. He didn’t know what took over him and where the sudden urge came from but he meant every single word that he said—and the hues of red and pink on both his cheeks show his true feelings for you (which you missed).

But maybe Sunwoo overestimated how confident he could be around you because as soon as he sputtered “I like you. Should we start dating?” He saw the way your fingers stopped their aggressive tapping on the black squares of your keyboard, freezing and halting for a bit more before your shocked eyes met his nervous ones. Scared to ruin this perfect friendship that he already has with you, he backs out of his words, shaking his head and letting out his forceful rehearsed laugh that got you both kicked out of the library. Though the day could have been the start of something new, he still relished the way he managed to hear at least the rapid complaints fly out of your lips. You’ve been stressed out over the English essay that you’ve been so distant, so at least even though you beat him in a game or rock-paper-scissors for food, the empty wallet that he’s left with after, filled the loneliness in his heart.

Gosh even when you’re mad, he finds you adorable.

But it’s been three years since the second confession and now three years after, Kim Sunwoo is still next to you. Call him a loser—a hopeless romantic—but he would argue the term, telling the people around him that he has his reasons.

“What are we doing for Valentine’s Day?”

The question is not a weird one between you both. Maybe you should’ve said the just-friends boy and girl version of ‘Galentine’s Day’ or whatever the kids these days call it because Sunwoo’s heartbeat would always spike at the mention of the couple’s holiday. He’s always spent the day with you and how could you refuse when he assures you that you can leave your wallet at home?

In truth, he just didn’t want other people to take you out. He tried to fathom the image of you receiving that giant teddy bear, a heart-patterned bow around the neck and maybe the word ‘love’ embroidered on its fluffy white tummy. The only smile in his head is yours and the date that is not him, and he couldn’t help but notice the constricting muscle around his heart and the churning of his stomach.

Kim Sunwoo will always root for you. If your happiness is with someone else, then he wouldn’t dare to take that away from you. He just wants to let you know his true feelings someday—if he could.

Sunwoo swivels his chair around, a quiet hum gave out as an answer for now. He hasn’t thought much about this year, his part-time job and full-time high school student occupying his thoughts a bit too much more than he would like. Usually, he would have a list of things to do but as responsibilities piled up, the wants decreased and with how you’re practically stuck with each other either way, he manages to check off most of the things in his places to go list.

You’re unaware of the longing eyes that fixed upon you as you kept your eyes directed to the ceiling, phone raised above your eyes. You made yourself comfortable on Sunwoo’s bed, his blanket going past your chest and covering your lower body from the blasting air conditioner. Your arms are getting a bit sore but you just want to know if the main characters in the drama would kiss soo—

“Alright, that’s enough internet for you today.” The device is snatched out of your hands, your arms cheering in relief as they plop down on the bouncy material. In refute to his actions, your back straightens but everything happened in a quick three-second interval that you didn’t realise that Sunwoo was already bending down and your forehead collided with his. “Oh my Go—” Sunwoo exclaims, his butt hitting the floor in surprise.

“Serves you right!” You exclaim, begrudgingly rubbing the area with your palm. “Why were you so close?!”

“I was telling you stuff but you weren’t paying attention!”

“You could’ve shouted it!”

“I called your name thrice?!”

“Oh my God! Okay, what was it that you wanted to say?”

All words get stuck in his throat. Even though his head and bottom hurt with the two critical hits at the most unexpected time, he couldn’t help but shy his face away with the way you blew the loose strand that blocks your vision, paired with the slight jut of your little lip as you turn your attention to him.

Sunwoo stutters, gulping when he sees your raised eyebrows from the corner of his eye. “U-Up to you.” Another gulp and wandering eyes, “Is there nothing you want to do?”

“Oh but,” you recall the favour that your mum asked from yesterday. “My mum asked if I could babysit my brother because she has plans already.” Heaving an apologetic sigh, feeling bad for letting Sunwoo down.

“Hey no,” an idea comes to mind as he leisurely crosses his legs. “I love your brother! How about we just spend the day together with him?”

Your eyes narrow suspiciously to the comment he once made about kids, “I thought you said you hate kids.”

“No, I said I hate those who are cuter than me.”

A scandalous gasp from you, “Are you calling my brother ugly?! I’m telling him and my mu—”

“No!” Realising his mistake, he quickly untangles his legs and tackles you back down on the bed instantly, his bigger build toppling over yours easily. “That’s not what I meant! He's an exception!” It's unclear whether his sobs are real or not at this point. “Your mum loves me! Don’t do this to me!”

“Get off me, you stinky raccoon!”

The gym resonates with the squeaks of sixty-something shoes on its polished surface. The sound easily makes you squirm, hating that it screeches against your eardrums so violently. A chuckle is heard at the sight of the displeasure written on your face.

“Very annoying.” The honey-like voices your thoughts. “Would you like to borrow my headphones for a while?”

Instantly, you’re met with his popular gummy smile, the one that swoons everyone in your school. If people aren’t swooning over your best friend, they most probably are falling for the man who made himself comfortable next to the gym steps where you sat. His features are nothing like Sunwoo’s, softer and more approachable with the way his eyes sparkle even more with the help of the shine from above. Because this isn’t sport class, he wears his everyday uniform, his collar is properly presented and not a single speck of ramen soup makes its mark on the annoyingly white cotton. Even with the physical exercise he did, he still looks dashing and neat, wondering how his messy hair still looks attractive—but then again, men with messy hair have always captivated your heart. Jaemin’s kind personality is the final cherry on top and with how you usually have conversations like these when he’s benched or having a break, you’re certainly one of the girls who is attracted to him in no time. Your brown eyes travel further down his dazzling smile, to the black headset on his open palm.

A wave from Na Jaemin to your dazed face pulls you back to reality and you nod wordlessly to the question before. Like the gentleman he is, Jaemin doesn’t even ask you to turn to him but instead adjusts to your line of vision, slightly making the gap between the earpads bigger before resting the cushion perfectly for you. The way he did so was gentle, even tucking your hair strands behind your ear.

“Better?” Another wordless nod. Jaemin lets out an airy chuckle at your pursed lips, moving back beside you. “Here for Sunwoo?”

“And to kill time, I suppose.”

Your eyes wander back to the boy who’s working hard on the soccer field. It’s a usual routine for you to wait for his weekly soccer training so that you both can walk home together. Usually at this time, your nose would be buried in your textbooks, catching up on the work you missed due to the lack of sleep from the previous night. Usually, as well, the practice would be outdoors, the same squeaky sound being non-existent, the same one that ripped you out of your focus since the start of the practice round.

The whistle blares and the coach shouts at the team for a five-minute break. Sunwoo stops his jogging, hands on his knees as he leans to catch his breath while the rest of the team sends encouraging slaps on his back to their dear captain. Sunwoo sends a playful one back to their buttcheeks, the rowdy group enjoying the little gap before they have to get back in the zone. But this is when Sunwoo’s eyes fall upon his teammate and his best friend not too far away. His eyes soften at the way you just blink at Jaemin’s smile, betting that you’re not paying attention to a single thing that he’s saying. Unconsciously, he doesn’t realise how his hands clenched at the growing redness on your cheeks but Sunwoo doesn’t look away even when he walks to get his water bottle.

“Oh.” Eric teasingly remarks. “That’s not a good look, Sunwoo.”

“Shut up.” He mumbles back to his closest teammate. Even though he forces his back on you, he can’t help but steal obvious lovesick glances back.

“Jaemin said he’s going to ask your dearest bestie out on a date for Valentine's.”

Sunwoo tries his best not to let the comment get to him. “Well, she’s busy already.”

“With you?” Eric questions his trailing voice. “The guy she rejected?”

“Shut up!” Sunwoo groans to the boy, swinging his arm around his neck for a headlock. “You’re actually so annoying, Sohn. The whole cohort knows because of you!”

The poor boy begs for mercy, sending hits to his friend’s stomach. And Sunwoo does let go, poking his tongue out at the boy after. Overdramatically, Eric sends one back, calling mischievous names to the boy who is looking over to you once more. He couldn’t force himself to look away from the vital information that Eric said. Without knowing, his feet stride over to you both, finally catching the words from Jaemin’s moving lips.

“Can I take you out on Valentine’s Day? Are you free?”

Sunwoo sees the gears turning in your head and he pleads that you would reject the offer, pleading that you didn’t forget your words from last night. He’s looking forward to the day, especially when he researched a bunch of things that your brother likes, combining with the things you like to make sure the day will be well spent. But the breath he takes stops at his throat when you just continue to stare at Jaemin with wide eyes. Sunwoo might’ve imagined it, but he swears he could see the corner of your lips rising, your head probably thinking of a fun, romantic date with Jaemin.

It’s obvious to him even on the other side of the gym, that Cupid has shot his arrow.

“Yeah.”

The answer didn’t come from you, the response was too deep to be your timbre. The headphones did their job well, masking Sunwoo’s steps and leaving you confused by the clear and loud answer he gave. Excited at the confirmation of your empty schedule, Sunwoo’s heart churns at the way Jaemin excitedly holds your hands, turning your confused head tilt to him into another blushing one. Unfortunately, you were unable to say a word to any of the two boys, the coach beckoning everyone in the team over for the final part of their practice.

Faintly, you hear Jaemin saying that he’ll contact you and that you can return his headphones tomorrow in class. You just watch the way Jaemin hops back to the rest of the team while Sunwoo follows closely behind, his shoulders slightly slumping as he drags his feet to make that noise you hate.

The walk home isn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Sunwoo acts like the gym didn’t happen and you raise your eyebrows at his suspicious actions of him walking slightly in front of you even though he still talks about the parts of the day when you weren’t with him. With the slight gap, you observe the way his front bangs slump over his vision, covering his sullen eyes. The hands inside his pockets continue to tense and he tries his best to ignore the obvious crease between your eyebrows. He doesn’t even question the short answers you came up with in his storytelling. Even now as you arrive at your front door, Sunwoo doesn’t bring the topic up, choosing to send his usual smile and ‘see you tomorrow’.

But you refuse to let his actions go. “What was that all about back there?”

It puts Sunwoo’s feet rooted to the ground and he feigns an innocent look. “You know,” he starts now with a smirk on his face, “Na Jaemin could totally figure out that you have the biggest crush on him with the way you looked at him with those googly eyes of yours.”

“I do not have googly eyes when I look at Na Jaemin!”

“Sure, you don’t.” Rolling his eyes, “You were close to drolling over him back there.”

You could tell that he was just avoiding the subject and prolonging touching it until you just let it go. “Sunwoo.” The tone of your voice tells him that you're seriously looking for answers, “Why’d you say that back there? I thought we were babysitting my brother together?”

“It’s fine.” He swats his hand in the air. “You go have fun and I’ll look over the child myself.”

“But I—”

“Can you just stop complaining and go in? I’m tired from practice.” Sunwoo cuts you off, turning the doorknob and pushing you in with small strength. “See you tomorrow!”

He does close the door on your face, ignoring the inhale you take and walking away before you start rebutting his words. But with that, you also missed telling Sunwoo of your mum who stands leisurely behind him and when your mum greets him, Sunwoo gets the scare of his life, yelping and crouching to the floor, a hand over his chest.

“Serves him right for cutting me off twice.”

At this time, you didn’t realise the ache in your heart, too busy chuckling at his misery as your mum helped the poor boy before he disappeared out of your sight with multiple polite bows.

Now, Sunwoo is left to wallow in his stupidity. The devil in his head even shakes his head disapprovingly and the angel desperately tries to cheer him up, telling him that everything will be fine but it has no effect on the distraught boy. He lets out all the swear words that he knows, mumbling them to himself, criticising his past actions. A headache starts to form and he is unable to walk a straight line on the well-leveled road.

“You’re an idiot, Kim Sunwoo.”

He replays the earlier scene. The way your eyes fall on Jaemin fondly, the way all words seem to be lost when he speaks to you and the way you freeze when Jaemin holds your hand in his. His feet stop dragging on the stone when he spots an ice cream truck and the sweet fragrance of your favourite flavour. Even with small things like this, he thinks of you.

He observes the two friends who approach the vehicle, recognising the uniform as the same as the ones he has on. Judging by the satisfaction on the girl’s face and the complaints of the boy, Sunwoo assumes that the shorter one probably won a bet or something. His mind wanders to you once more, the dynamic of his two underclassmen similar to the one he shares with you.

More calm and accepting that he has probably lost you to Na Jaemin, if asked why he still chooses to stick with you after two rejections, Kim Sunwoo can.

The fastest and simple answer is that you don’t have a good schema for love. It was shattered the moment that you found out that your dad cheated on your mum four years ago. Your family fell apart shortly after your dad packed everything and left, leaving your mum alone as the sole parent when you were still trying to fully understand the world around you.

The rest of the world doesn't see how the separation affected you. However, Sunwoo was there during the times when you cried your eyes out, taking the frustrated punches on his chest, when you declared that you would never fall in love, scared of falling into the same fate as your mother especially when your dad has always voiced out that he loves his family and would always stay with them.

The world doesn't see how you hide behind his reassuring back whenever a male is too close for your liking. They don't see how you practically hold onto his arm with anxiety after a person confesses to you even though you're thankful that they look at you fondly. They don't see the fear in your eyes like Sunwoo has seen every single part of it.

When you would tease each other, like the time when he tackles you onto the bed, that's an exception. Sunwoo has always paid attention to your actions, both conscious and unconscious. He knows all about when you and when to keep his distance.

Thirty centimetres, sixty sometimes, and he would always wait for you to close the gap, stealing glances behind to make sure you were still following. Ninety-nine point nine per cent of the time, you would pick up your pace and Sunwoo would purposely slow down and the gap between the side of his arm and body would get bigger with each step you grow closer to him. When you clutch onto his arm again, he sends you that understanding gaze, mouthing a little 'hi' or 'hello' before facing forward again with newfound happiness.

The other point one is you asking if he could come back to stand beside you. But again, he would never ever touch you first and even when you arrive at your doorstep with no progress, Sunwoo would still look at you, reminding you of how proud he is and winks playfully to lift the corners of your lips before sending his 'see you tomorrow' still with happiness as his main aura.

It breaks Sunwoo’s heart whenever he sees you like that. That's the reason why he took his second confession back.

So when Kim Sunwoo, selfless and rooting for your genuine happiness, sees the different gaze that you send Na Jaemin, he can’t help but push his feelings aside. Plus, Na Jaemin is a good guy so he feels more reassured setting you up with the ace striker in the soccer team.

Cupid frowns down at the boy, his wings flapping sadly at the fake smile he puts on as he continues his walk home. It’s strange how he found himself sad for the dejected boy.

“Truly an idiot you are, Kim Sunwoo.”

Back home, you rewarded yourself with a warm shower. Though your physical body was able to let loose under the light sprinkles, your eyes couldn't help but mix in the metallic water with your salty ones. The water pressure manages to swallow most of your cries but the mirror doesn't lie when you see your red eyes after.

The gulp you took is painfully dry, tired from the tears from earlier. Your reach for the bathrobe is slow, letting the air cool touch your slightly red skin after the temperature. “At least he made it clear that he doesn't like me in that way.”

The knocks against the nearby room beckons a ‘Come in!’ from you and you quickly run the sides of your fingers on your eyebags as soon as you register the young boy from the mirror.

“Sis!” Dashing towards you, headbutting your back, “I heard Ddeonu hyung will be here tomorrow night!”

It's endearing to see how the news makes the little one jump, both his hands on your arm for support. A hand ruffles his already messy nest, “Be good tomorrow, okay?”

And the response morphs the smile upside down, “You’re not gonna be with us?”

Overloading with cuteness, you couldn't help but swivel around on your vanity chair towards your sibling, your hands pressing his cheeks, “With or without me, you're going to be with Sunwoo all day anyways!” Remembering all the times when he preferred to be in Sunwoo’s arms over yours, “Just don't make the poor raccoon run around too much, okay? He's getting old.”

“Does that mean he will fly to the cloud soon?”

“No, no.” Making a mental note to tell Sunwoo and imagining the way his jaw would drop at the wild question, “He's just old and tired now.”

Though confused at the repeated answer, the child seems to let it go, shrugging in satisfaction anyway at the plans for tomorrow. The smile upturned once more and you lift the boy much to his happiness, kicking his legs when you adjust his posture on your vanity table.

“Makeup!” He exclaimed about the objects around him, open palms to mimic a twinkling motion in the air.

“Makeup!” You echo, grabbing the cushion foundation. “Do you want to make me into a Princess?”

Obviously, he would not reject the offer, snatching the round object into his palm and patting the powder onto your neck.

“I'm going to make you the prettiest sister ever and raccoon hyung won't be able to take his eyes off you!”

Cupid shakes his head once more, his belly lying on the puffy cloud. He rests his chin on his palm, wondering how the similar-sized boy is more likable to him than the two blind adults—but it's obvious because he's not the stupid one.

“Well,” clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth, “this one is an idiot too.”

Leading up to Valentine's Day, you thought at the very least you could spend the missed day with Sunwoo but he's more than adamant about pushing you to Jaemin. Whenever he saw a window of opportunity, he would call the boy over, a big waving motion from his hand in the air.

Whenever Jaemin spots you, every part of his face lights up and yours is supposed to reciprocate the stars in his eyes. But how could you even see it when all you see is the whole universe in Sunwoo’s ones instead?

The realisation that it has always been Sunwoo scares you and it terrifies you even more that the same boy who has always given his heart to you is making the gap between you both larger, further away, more and more within arms reach for your comfort. At first, it was confusion but then every part of your aching heart just longed for his presence beside yours once more.

Jaemin reminds you of the date one last time, the final text before you part ways at the school entrance is bolded, italicised and underlined. And Sunwoo? He intruded the house way earlier than everyone expected but judging from the open arms from your mother and the way you could hear your brother’s shrieking from the other side of the house, it's obvious that you’re the only one who’s dreading the early visitor.

Speaking of the visitor, your brother made himself comfortable by sitting on his neck, hands gripping his hair to make two little pigtails. Seeing Sunwoo fit right into your family from the very start has always been heartwarming and you would've told your brother to pull on two tails if you weren't busy avoiding his eyes from the mirror.

“Look!” Sunwoo gasps to your brother, finger pointing to you, “Your sister is so pretty, isn't she?”

And it became ten times harder to keep your tears from falling.

“Thanks.” You managed to seeth out from gritted teeth.

“Come on! You're going to be late.” Reminding you of the long hand of the clock reaching the top of the circle when Jaemin promised to pick you up. “Which bag are you using?”

It's heartbreaking to see him just walk past you after the compliment, whistling leisurely as he looks through the pile of bags on the side hook of your wardrobe. You found yourself looking down at your lap, trying to shake off the nervousness and anxiety in your mind. You try your best to focus on the tension of your gripping fists, letting go and repeating to ground yourself back. The tears are starting to blur your vision but you push the sleeves of your outerwear over your knuckles and smudge them away.

The way that Sunwoo still entertains your brother as he takes the body of the bag in your direction, humming intently to see if the colour of your outfit will clash with the accessory, brings your emotions to their peak and you just want to run away from this situation. He settles on one, a victorious exclamation falling from his lips and begins stuffing your necessities himself.

“Phone,” checking off the mental list, “keys and wallet.” Your brother pointing at the lone lipstick left at the centre of the painted surface, “Ah! This too!” Putting the closed cylinder inside the small purse before the metal zips and is carefully balanced on your shoulder.

Your thankful mutter didn't go unheard by Sunwoo and so did the tinge of makeup on the sleeve that you used when he looked away for a brief moment.

“Hey!” Sunwoo cranes his head to speak to the younger, curious eyes. “Why don't you go on ahead first and pick what ramen you want?”

The kicking of his heels against his chest made him wince a bit, quickly putting your younger brother where he dashes off with his favourite food.

Throughout the whole exchange, it once again confirms the fact that Sunwoo is truly loving to the people around him. The way that he tries not to disappoint your brother, even if there are probably bruises forming from his kicking, the way that he peels his head out to make sure your brother is taking careful steps to the kitchen and finally, the beaming but adoration in his eyes when he finally lands on the casual outfit you're wearing.

“Wow.” A breathless chuckle, head empty with the sight of you.

His cheeks flushed and he couldn't help but stare at your stunning choice of outfit—if hoodies and no makeup could make his heart jump out of his chest, then he should go to the hospital because of your off-the-shoulder white top paired with the beige pleated skirt and cardigan.

“Okay?” You ask timidly, “L-Like, do I look okay?”

“You're stunning.” He says truthfully that your body goes numb, looking away from the sparkles in his eyes.

Now, that's new. “Hey…” Taking steps towards you, “What's wrong?”

But your heart is fighting so hard that you feel like you're about to give up. If Sunwoo is going to reject you, then you just want him to do it so that you can forget about all this and just go back to pretending that you will never have heart-shaped eyes for Kim Sunwoo ever again.

“Y-You’re okay with this?” The leather of your bag crinkles at your gripping question.

“Yeah,” Sunwoo answers. “Don't worry. Jaemin is a great guy.”

Your eyes widen at the comment, “No, I-I know that bu—”

But Sunwoo suddenly zooms into your face, even bending his back to make sure that you wouldn't miss the pout on his handsome face. His eyes landed on your lip-touched makeup, “Wait, can I have your lipstick? Let me retouch it for you.”

You couldn't even refute, feeling the cooling pink painting your lips, contrasting the palm on your cheek that steadies the delicate work on your lips. Why did he bother asking if he was just going to retrieve it himself? You're thankful Sunwoo can't multitask, missing the glimmer in your orbs as you try your best to keep your lips from shaking like your legs are slowly becoming. It’s clear that he didn’t know how to properly manoeuver the brush on your lips but you find yourself forgiving him even if your lips become a mess after this.

The defeated groans from his lips only made your heart swell and you take your time to look at him as if you’ve never done so before; from his eyelashes that flutter prettily, to his tongue that pokes out in concentration, it’s crazy how handsome someone can be when he's not doing anything special. The pads of his finger spread the colour, smacking his lips as a sign for you to copy which you eventually do.

“Done!” And just when your heart thought it could finally get a break, Sunwoo decides to play with it a bit more, fishing out a snap hair clip. His hands smooth any bumps that aren’t visible to the naked eye. A hand holds the side of your head gently, the other sliding the gift across your scalp carefully. “Alright, now let’s go!”

Your tears are so incredibly close to flowing but the lights of your room die like every hope of telling Sunwoo that you’re not as excited as he is for the night to come. But if this is Sunwoo’s way of completely rejecting any romantic feelings for you, then what can you do except to trudge down your hallway where even your brother wishes that you would have a fun time? The smile on your lips doesn’t reach your eyes when both boys remind you not to come home late in addition to Sunwoo’s “Text or call me if you need anything!”

You spare a final glance at the two, sombre smile plastered on your face. The last face you see is Sunwoo’s whose eyes still held on a smile even though yours has been wiped away. Maybe it was supposed to encourage you or maybe it’s nothing and you’re just reading too deep into it but if there’s one thing you know is that the night with Jaemin, even though he is a well-mannered man, a gentleman inside and out, your head couldn’t help but wish that it was Sunwoo who took you to the arcade, making sure your arms are filled with snacks and drinks.

You wished that after that, no one was there to pull your chair out, instead laughing at the way you almost tripped on air while trying to sit down. You wished that you could’ve just stared at the menu in contemplation and for Sunwoo to just choose for you so that he could silence the growling in his stomach.

Cursing the famous day as well, seeing the love around you, the couples enamoured by their partners all around you, it only made the guilt inside grow further.

By the time the night is spent, Jaemin knows that his feelings aren't reciprocated. First, it's the way you ask him to repeat his words multiple times. Second, it's the way that your eyes are blank, just your orbs staring into space. Third, it's the way that you try to discreetly check your smartwatch for notifications from your best friend at your home.

“I'm sorry.” Jaemin chuckles in response after he softly calls you out.

The boy shakes his head, hands inside his pants pockets. “I knew that you didn't like me. I guess I just wanted a chance to maybe change that once.” But then he sighs an understanding sigh, closing his eyes before fluttering them back at you, “but you're too far gone into your feelings to realise what I've been doing.”

Your eyes welled up with tears, apologetic at his words and Jaemin couldn't do much but give words of comfort after you explicitly stumbled away from his reaching hand, asking for physical space. You mutter a million apologies for today but Jaemin is respectful, convincing you that the friendship between you both won't change and that eases your mind.

“Should I text Sunwoo?” He carefully asks. “To pick you up.”

A shake of your head is what had Jaemin’s eyebrow furrowing. “It’s okay. I’ll text him right now.”

And though your makeup is a mess, transferring onto the sleeves of your cardigan more, Jaemin still thinks you're stunning, the clenching of his heart intensifying at the glitter you still managed to hold. Jaemin leaves you alone in a convenience store near your favourite beach and somehow, you manage to convince him to go on ahead first, leaving your thoughts alone in the night of love.

Your feet routinely take you along the beachside, taking shelter at the convenience store for a while, grabbing drinks and food to aid your broken heart. When you crouch for the bottle at the bottom shelf, your mind just has to remind you that someone wouldn't even let you do this, always protecting you from any wardrobe malfunction.

Your knees finally give out and the back of your thighs meet with the back of your lower leg. Your hands only clutche on the neck of the green bottle while you hide your distressed face behind the curtains that your hair made.

Thinking of it all infuriates you.

Why can't you just be more trusting towards others? Believe that not all of them are out to ridicule or make fun of you.

“Sunwoo…” You couldn't help but mumble as your tears finally painted your beige skirt darker.

Thankfully you were able to keep your emotions somewhat at bay, straightening your posture with the cooling drink in one hold. The cashier could only offer you an encouraging speech and an empathetic smile as soon as she saw the trail on your cheeks. The gesture is needed but the anxiety still weighs on your chest deeply. She must've thought that you've gone through a huge breakup on this unfortunate pinky day but you think the internal agony is worse.

For the last few hours or so, Sunwoo has been updating you with your baby brother through pictures. If only the pictures were just about the younger one and not a duo picture that once again shows that Sunwoo is a keeper when it comes to babysitting. The device is stashed in the bag that he chose from you earlier but if you could, you could honestly feed it to the sharks on the beach in front of you.

The wind provided you company, hitting your red apple-coloured cheeks to balance your rising temperature. You knew you shouldn't drink alone especially when the moon was high in the sky but you couldn't help but bask in the tide that hit the sand, pulling everything back into the body of water.

The tips of your toes are drenched and you would usually be running further away as soon as water hit your ankles but you didn't want to. It’s times like these that you’re thankful for the invention of safety shorts as you're able to sit in any posture you like without worrying. Your knees constantly bend and straighten, dragging the sand along with it and at this point, you've created a shallow hole.

“I mean,” you slur, “I’m so comfortable with Sunwoo so why can't I be the same with the others?” your eyes could only shut in self-contempt from today’s date, “And Jaemin was so respectful to me too…”

It’s frustrating that you can't trust others when they've done nothing wrong. The only thing that responded to the strike down your cheek was the last drop of liquid courage; now even objects have started mocking you.

“I have to stop relying on him,” a hiccup and a humourless laugh. “When he gets a girlfriend…” the thought cracks your heart into pieces and your knee grows closer to your chest, “Gosh, what am I doing?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

The deep voice and a couple of deep breaths made you turn back so quickly that you fell over sideways. The boy momentarily scolds you even more, grumbling, pointing at your ruined shoes tossed aside in the sand and exhaling whilst turning his head away to catch a break from the soaked ends of your outerwear. When the worry envelops him again, Sunwoo takes a better look at your state.

His tongue clicks against the roof of his mouth loudly and the crease between his eyebrows only deepens each time his eye focuses to another part of your face.

“Did you drink?! Alone?! I told you not to drink without me!”

His initial volume made you jump a bit, especially with how he directly circles behind you to pick up the discarded, lonely bottle. Sunwoo's nagging continues, crouching beside you to your eye level with the bottle making tunes from the wind. The pout answers him, along with the way your fingers fiddle on the hem of your sleeves. You had no intention of voicing out the answer now that he knows so you just say something else.

“You actually came…”

The ‘something else’ did make his ramble stop and his intense features started to soften and melt away when your words hit him.

“Of course, I came.” Reassurance above the whispering wind, “You texted me.”

Your lips couldn't even gape open with a response because Sunwoo takes a couple of steps back, away from you. Though his body is still facing yours with his shoes pointing at you and arms around his knees, the safe distance is what makes your head hurt at the many things you could say to him.

“Did you put him to sleep?” You opted for this conversation instead.

Sunwoo’s nods just got in your peripheral vision, but your nod is the centre of his.

You let the wind break you even more, not even raising your hand to move the strands that became trapped between your lower and upper eyelids, tickling your eyes when it finally is freed. Without a doubt, you know that Sunwoo is just watching you patiently, waiting for you to tell him to drop you home or to at least talk about the night whether it be his or yours. Your nervous system couldn't help but relax in his presence.

Inside, Sunwoo wants something from you too. An indication to move further and to close the thirty-centimetre gap he has created. Just anything so that he could finally leave the coldness that nips at his trembling skin. His bangs brushes over his sight but he still has a clear view of you. The side of his head only rests on his arm as he just stares at you, humming a tune that hopefully reaches you.

“Woo.”

“Hm?”

“Do you like someone?”

A series of stuttering and unsure hums came from him. Your knees push against your chest hard, burying your head between them. Soon enough, you're convinced that the pressure is what kept your heart together after the affirmative answer.

“I…” Here goes nothing, “was supposed to be with her today and maybe ask her out officially but she had other plans and so did I.”

“Oh.” You didn't know if he heard it. You kind of wished he didn't because of how sore your throat suddenly feels. “I’m sorry, I should've been the one to take care of my brother inste—”

“She was busy too,” Sunwoo repeated, words clearer and punctuated. “It doesn't matt—”

“Will I be able to trust anyone again?”

“W-Wha—”

“Will someone ever love me the same way that you love her?”

The thoughts haunt you every night when you're asleep and now that you finally share it with someone, you lose yourself in the alcohol and blurt out the impulsive thoughts.

“W-Whoa.” Sunwoo nervously chuckles. “Did the date really go that ba—”

“Do I know her?”

“Ye—”

“Tell me. Let me make sure she's a good person.”

The only response you get is a low groan and sigh; both from Sunwoo and the guardian Cupid above you both. The moonlight twinkles the curve of the forgotten bottle but it reminds Sunwoo that you're not in your right state of mind and that you're just pressing to get the thoughts out of your head rather than truly looking for answers.

For the first time, Sunwoo took action, dusting his clothes from the damp sand. You merely watch with half-hooded eyes as he strides against the swallowing sand, your head slowly turning from the side to the front where he settles himself. Sunwoo gives you a soft tug of the corner of his lips and his dancing bangs only make him all the more attractive. He tests the waters, holding his hand out to reach yours, permission to touch you through his gaze. When you nod, he doesn't hesitate to share his body warmth starting from his bigger palms, relieved at how you seem to let out a breath that you have been holding.

“Deep breaths, bubs.”

The nickname makes you swoon and makes his instructions unclear. Though the pounding on the side of your head makes it hard for you to morph Sunwoo’s clone together, the name managed to at least get your attention. With this, he didn’t mind the way his clothes drank the seawater when he kneeled, even dragging his fabric across the surface. Sunwoo responds with a jut of his lower lip when you just shoot him a glare but your act disappears when he opens his arms wide. Without any further hesitation, your forehead rests on his chest. One of his hands cups the curve of your waist and the other threads through your silky hair. The act makes your body shudder and you find your arms start to hold his middle even tighter when he collects your hair and tosses it over to a side, his palm now covering your whole nape.

“You’re alright.” Sunwoo muses. His diverts to yours and maybe you’re just imagining the adoration dripping from his eyes but you couldn’t help to speak a bit of your mind.

“You're doing it again…”

“Doing what?”

You didn't give him a verbal answer, the shake of your head and the whines you gave were enough for him to just embrace you into his presence. Sunwoo hides you from the world when he sees the tears brimming across the eyes that he’s fallen for. Daring, he presses a kiss on the top of your head, smiling fondly at your more balanced breathing.

“Let’s go home?” The shake of your head made Sunwoo rake for more ideas. “Wanna have a sleepover at my house then?”

“No.” Muffled answer from his chest. “You’re just going to make me sleep on the floor.”

“Hey! You lost the bet last time! Don’t blame your skill issue with rock-paper-scissors on me!”

“Fine then! I’ll just stay here for the rest of the night!”

Oh, he's so in love with you. Sunwoo only coos, his heart fluttering and content when you respond to the playful war that he wages.

“I’ll let you take the bed.” A raised eyebrow is what you offer him with when you crane your head and Sunwoo could tell the suspicion that you had against his words. “I’m serious!”

“Really?”

A roll of his eyes and a scoff, “As if I’ll let you take the floor knowing that you’ll be hungover tomorrow.”

“Well,” a shaky inhale, “you could.”

“Yeah?” This time it’s his turn to have an eyebrow raised. “Why would I do that?”

“Because when you go off and date someone, you won’t be able to keep doing whatever this is.”

“Yeah?” He repeats himself, desperate for a little bit more of your feelings. At least let me down properly, he thinks to himself. “And what happens if I don’t want to put my focus on someone else? What happens if I just want to keep focusing on you? What happens if I just want you in my life and no one else?”

Now, Sunwoo’s hands grip a hold on your upper forearm and pull you away from his body. The moonlight finally reaches your face and Sunwoo observes you thinking, his eyes boring into yours, silently pleading for some sort of indication that would end the pink and red swirls in his eyes whenever he catches even a glimpse of your figure.

“Then I would tell you that I like you and that I have for the longest time.”

Are drunken thoughts still sober thoughts in this situation?

Sunwoo’s head dips dangerously close and it takes everything in him to not press his lips onto yours. If you even allowed any words that imply that he may have taken your heart, he told himself he would look away even if it meant burying himself into the ground and never seeing civilisation ever again. The struggle is written all over his face: the tight wrinkles around his eyes that accommodate the crashing of his eyebrows, the protective hold he has on you and the way he presses his forehead onto yours with his hair tickling you, quiet exhales leaving his lips.

“Please don’t do this to me,” he pleads, “You’re drunk and I’m trying to not cross the line.”

“Cross it…” Mellow and enchanting. “I give you my consent.”

“Don’t.” He grits and tries to still his heart. “I can't…”

“Kiss me, Woo.”

Sunwoo swore that his heart almost leapt out of his chest when his eyes shot open, immediately growing bigger with how you nudged the tip of your nose to his. His temperature receptors feel the shift of the warmer air growing closer to his lips and he can’t help but focus on the way your eyelids flutter close.

The attraction is fatal and so is the small distance left. Unconsciously, even though it’s wrong, he couldn’t help but adjust his position, wanting to claim you as his even if it’s just for a while. Just when your lips are mere millimetres away from touching, Sunwoo denies the touch of heaven, the angel inside gets his hands to fly and block the intimate act with his fingers. A hand cups your cheek, tracing along your jawline and a thumb slots in between your plump lips from reaching his. His breath hitches when you peek at the smooth surface, void of the curves that you were expecting. He watches the stars fade from your eyes, replacing them with a wall that he couldn’t decipher.

Through his eyelashes that flutter quietly and the painful gulp, he prompts you once again, “Let’s go home.” More resolute and grounded than before. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”

The thumb did leave the presence on your cupid’s bow but lingers at your lip’s bottom edge. Sunwoo watches as your lips bounce back after he lightly pulls it down and he sees the dullness from your eyes with every single second that passes. He shoves his sleeves past his fingertips, wrapping the grey around his pointer and starts to collect your confusion on his sleeves.

“I-I’m sorry.”

He could tell it was genuine and he assumed that you might’ve sobered up a little bit within the last couple of seconds. Sunwoo met your forehead once again with his thumb that still held you like you were as fragile as the glass bottle that had been discarded.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m not going to leave you. Don’t even bother to think of those things ever again.” He reassures your muddled-up mind. “I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

Between your hazy vision and the churning of your stomach, the only indication you could give is a nod and outstretched arms towards his now-standing figure. Sunwoo adoringly chuckles, bending down and supporting your weight by scooping you up by your waist. He kept your body close to his even when he turned around and kneeled, patting his back for you to slump over.

Out of energy, your arms lazily dangled during the walk, elbows resting on his shoulders during the whole walk. Truth be told, his back aches because you couldn’t get a proper grip on him but he knows as soon as he straightens his back to a more comfortable position, you might actually hit your head and wake up in the hospital. The walk back to his car is quiet, chattering filling the background noise. If you’re awake, you can feel the shaking of his thighs as he carefully rests you on the cushioned seat, an arm coming over his head onto the back of yours as a safety measure from the upper door frame. Without a single sound from you, he successfully buckles you securely in the front seat. Your coat is gently undressed from you to be used to cover your legs, the short skirt only makes you shiver in the night.

“Why do cars always sound so loud?”

Sunwoo complains when he twists the car key to start the engine. His eyes fall to you again, observing your sleeping figure who is unaware of the little jumps and loops his heart made. His pointer reaches over to the loose strands that tickle the front of your face. From the back of your ear, he holds his breath at your slightly gaped lips that pull him closer, drawing him nearer to share a kiss with you. Why did you have to look so stunning despite the reeking alcohol that only becomes stronger in the small space?

Though faint, his reflection from the front window stares at him and he can’t help but sink further into the seat, wanting to hide and run away from himself. “Will you ever look at me the same way?” he grumbles hopelessly into the palms that shield him from reality before driving towards his house.

The exhaustion from the eventful day finally washes over him as soon as he parks his car in one go. Usually, you would give an impressed look and Sunwoo would wiggle his eyebrows when you only scoff at his achievements. The connecting door to his house opens, throwing his things inside the hallway without much thought before jogging back to your side. His eyes narrow, concentrating on making as minimal noises as he can whilst opening the metal surface that separates you and him. A hand pushes on the door while the other does the contrasting action with the handle to avoid the loud click that vehicles make. Thankfully your head isn’t resting on the door, something that he made sure didn’t happen so that you could rest in his house without the bumps of the road lifting your head and slamming it back down due to ruthless gravity.

And as much as Cupid’s curly blonde hair is between all the sides of his fingers, he mastered the art of patience and ‘trusting the process’ as he took a series of deep inhales.

Throughout the whole time, Cupid is impressed at how blind you both prove to be. It’s obvious now as he pays attention to the way Sunwoo treats you and the way that you desperately clutch on his jacket that you both are more than best friends. He ponders if he should shoot another arrow even though the initial one he shot is showing progress.

In this line of work, where he’s used to shooting, and observing for a while before going to another potential couple, he seems to be stuck with the couple in front of him. Up until now, he has never thought to shoot the second arrow that is reserved for a couple that makes him look away distastefully. He’s never met one that makes him take them out of their trance as it’s obvious it became more bad than good for them but what he’s twirling in his hand is not that.

But he starts to think about his decisions whenever you're hurting because of the world and he starts to think of the shatter in Sunwoo’s heart whenever he's around you.

Is it worth it to have you both come together?

“But you know,” the arrow stops between his pointer and thumb, the crest hitting the perimeter of the stationary cloud. Cupid continues to peer over the two, finding himself squealing with the way Sunwoo continues to make teasing jokes to make sure you don’t fall asleep behind the bathroom door while brushing your teeth and changing into your favourite hoodie of his. “I don’t think shooting one towards these two will do much.”

He smiles knowingly, completely immersed in the way that Sunwoo hops over to cradle your head into his chest as soon as you open the door. Your mind is still under the scorching forty percent but you didn't miss the way Sunwoo’s fingers rub on your exposed thigh when he brings you to his bed bridal style.

And if he shoots another arrow?

Oh, Cupid knows that you’re both more than just teenagers in love. Especially in your case, terrified, and for Sunwoo who just wants to see you happy—another arrow means nothing if you both don’t learn and figure out this obstacle yourselves.

With Sunwoo’s help, you’re snugged underneath his blanket, pulling it up to your nose, just the way you like it. The laundry detergent brings you rest, and your brain immediately relaxes as it associates the scent with safety. Your body rests on its side and you watch Sunwoo as he takes a kneeling position on the side of his bed, taking his hand to yours while his other forearm rests on the bouncy futon. The act makes his heartbeat increase once more. “Sunwoo.” The boy only keeps his affectionate eyes on yours while he strokes your hair. “Thank you for picking me up.”

The brushes of his thumb on the back of your palm could lull you to sleep. “Can I sleep on the living room couch today then?” Mischievously suggesting, knowing how much you would complain about leaving you alone in the room for the whole night.

The question makes you pout awake again, “You’re going to leave me?” Maybe you weren’t up for the joke and Sunwoo smiles sadly, clearing his throat and shaking his head assuringly.

“I’m just joking with you.” An airy laugh seeped out from his lips. “I’ll sleep on the floor.” Pointing at the unoccupied space behind him. “Don’t worry.”

“Or you can sleep next to me…”

Cupid feels the tension in the air after your suggestion. He propels the bed of clouds, flying closer to have a better view of you two. He’s so invested in the way Sunwoo softly looks at you that the shake of his head after some thinking makes him scream once more, burying his face into the white puff of air.

“Why not?” You scooted against his bed, making space to prove your point that the bed was big enough for you both. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before…”

“I know.” Sunwoo stands from his kneeling position but you refuse to let go of his hand. Instead, your hands slide up from his wrist to entangle them between his fingers. “Bubs…”

“I’m scared.” That’s all it took for Sunwoo’s knees to hit the floor again, coming closer to you. “What if I do manage to fall in love but then I just get hurt?”

“Then he’ll deal with me.” It elicits a whimper from you and your vision suddenly blurs once more. The tears brim up more when Sunwoo’s hand cups to rest against the apple of your cheeks with his knuckles, brushing in a circular motion. “Love them, it’s okay.”

The pressure you’re exerting on his fingers makes him furrow his eyebrows. “You’re okay with that?”

“If he makes you happy then I’m okay with that, yes. If he is the one that will make you believe in love again, then yes.” And his shoulders shrug, not as a way to say that he doesn’t care about your feelings because he does—everyone how much he cares for you. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Then make me happy.”

There it is again.

The implication that makes his eyes dart his focus from your heavy eyelids to the small gap between your lips. It travels down to your joined hands that lay next to your plump lips. He loves it. The sight of your hands, intertwining beautifully between his and the way that you’re holding him close to you as if his presence is a gift—if only he knew how much you treasure him.

“Get some sleep okay?” Ignoring it once more by throwing his eyes to his lap.

By some miracle, Sunwoo manages to break free from your hands but not before he wipes away the leftover final drops from your doe eyes. He didn’t completely leave your side just yet though. Sunwoo just sinks his right forearm on the edge of his bed, his left on top before resting his chin later on. His eyes blinked and he held the momentary darkness for a few seconds longer before opening them again. You understand, nodding defeatedly. With Sunwoo looking over you, admiring you even though he’s much more exhausted after running around your house with an energetic child, you were able to finally slumber off to sleep. He only thought about standing when heard your drowsy breathing becoming soft snores. Even then, his hand snakes behind your nape and under all your strands, pulling your luscious locks up to hang over his pillow and leaving the cold air to cool your exposed skin.

“I love you.”

And that’s when Cupid made up his mind.

The first thing that greets you when the flock of birds chirps too loudly for your liking is the gutting feeling of wanting to run down to the toilet bowl and empty the contents of your stomach. The second thing that hits you is the desert down your throat, your hand blindly rummaging on the bedside table to find the familiar shape of your water bottle. The third thing that hits you is the remnants of a tight non-existent band that wraps around your head.

It’s all a good potion to remind yourself never to drink so much liquor in such a short period.

But the fourth thing that hits you as you rise to a sitting position, thumb and pointer running up horizontally across your eyebrows, is the familiar room that isn’t yours. It takes you a while to notice but you recognise the one familiar arcade teddy bear on the very unorganised study table on the opposite of the room. The picture framed your scowl while the owner of the room held his phone up, tongue sticking out to the camera with the little peace sign above your head.

“Shit…how the heck did I get here?” Your bed hair becomes a bird's nest in a matter of seconds. “Wait so last night I went to the convenience store,” tracing your steps carefully, “drank at the beach…” but a blank after that, “Sunwoo must've picked me up.” The dread hits at the name you just spoke, “I’m not ready to face him!”

The blanket is ripped out from your lower body, and the drop in temperature sends goosebumps all over your body. Quite simply, you're embodying the term of waking up on the wrong side of the bed without its metaphorical meaning.

There was no point in peeking through the slit between the door and the frame of Sunwoo’s bedroom because you knew directly on the other side is a wall with framed pictures of the family who resides there. You ready yourself with an inhale through your nose, preparing a bunch of words despite the still evident headache before exhaling through your mouth.

The smell of batter and vanilla becomes more evident as soon as your hand creaks the door open. It excites you knowing that your favourite breakfast isn't too far away from reach. The smile that you gave though, reminds you of the pressing matters when it strikes pain through the veins on the side of your head.

Your exclamation to the feeling is what rips Sunwoo out of his daydream, turning around to see you tiptoeing not too far behind him like a thief.

“You're awake.”

Beside him, a tower of the perfectly circular cooked batter is stacked in five, maple syrup around the rim of the treat as it drops down naturally onto the rest of its friends below. You could tell that he probably timed each side with how uniform the colours of each side were. Sunwoo hasn't picked up the panic behind your eyes, setting the plate on the island between you both.

“Take this first.” He pops the white pill from its aluminium seal and reaches for the full glass of water he prepared earlier from the fridge.

Sunwoo didn't know that his proud smile would fall as quickly as you almost did when you stepped back. His feet rooted themselves to the slippery wood underneath, his eyes widening even though you managed to grab hold of the backrest of the couch next to you.

“Are you alri—”

“I should take my leave now.” You rushed to say, “My mum must be wondering where I am.”

“I told her last night, don't worry.”

Right. Just like all the times he has done whenever you fell asleep on his shoulder while watching anime with him.

“Eat something first and I'll drop you home.” His head tilted to the alluring warm cakes on the table.

The perfect cylinder on his hand would have slipped from his sweaty palms with how you shake your head in the slightest. Now he's picking up something. Do you remember the events from last night? No, you've always been a forgetful one and he would help you remember by setting up cues and would always have his camera facing you to record the horror creeping up your face.

Whatever it is, he felt the need to take the lead first, especially with how you're avoiding even looking his way and sitting down on the board of the furniture from before, your hands gripping the polyester beside your body. He's not too far away from you, maybe a metre apart but he's feeling anxious with the air himself, turning away from you momentarily.

You hear the exhausted exhale from your best friend and that made you scared to even look his way. The rim of the glass hits the marbled top. “I'm not going to do anything to you, you know?”

“Of course I know…” Keeping your emotions at bay.

“Then?”

Cupid raised both his eyebrows, hoping that you would be able to find the courage to rightfully confront Sunwoo for the feelings in your heart. His hands clamp together, lacing together as he rests his forehead on the knuckle of his thumb, silently encouraging the growth of the couple in front of him.

“I know that it’s my fault too that I didn’t speak up about the date with Jaemin. I should’ve been more honest to him first and foremost because he’s done nothing but nice to me and yes! The date was really nice and he was a gentleman like you said Sunwoo but,” the implications of the last word wipes the proud smile that he had, lips pursed to a thin line, “I wish that you didn’t put me on the spot especially when you know that I’m scared of being around men.”

There was no audible answer that he could truly give you. What you said is true and he hates that he projected to hide his feelings for you in the worst possible way. He left you alone at night, in the hands of someone that he can’t fully tell your mother honestly that he knows. The shake of his head is slow but harsh and with a glance, you could hear the cogs turning inside the distraught boy’s head.

“I’m sorry.” Wavering in fear.

“Please don’t be.” He responds. “I’m sorry.”

Despite shutting his eyes, Sunwoo feels the looming shadow that falls over his slumped figure against the tabletop. His hands join together, a loud clap making you jump a little bit at the force of his thoughts. You watch as his hands drain the blood flow, slowly making his fist white. And though your chest hurts from the anxiety running through your veins, you decided that it was best for you to clear the awkward air.

What you did is beyond anyone’s imagination but it felt right as compared to last night—as compared to all those times two years ago. Your fingers cradle the underside of Sunwoo’s jawline, separating his chin from his chest and angle his shocked face to yours. Sunwoo would’ve genuinely run away usually, maybe even letting out one of those screeches that would leave you scolding him for the pounding of your eardrums, but something else is pounding in both of your chests and it’s syncing with each other for the first time.

You move little by little, your toes slowly moving in so that you can stand between his slightly open legs until the sides of your knees are between his. Slowly, the anterior side of his forearms starts to lift from the surface behind him, testing the waters to hold you in his arms by ghosting his already encircled arm around your middle. When you nod, Sunwoo finds himself tightening the hold immediately, pulling you into the crook of his neck while your fingers thread on the loose white of his fabric. His fingers widen their reach, wanting to feel your figure on a wider surface area.

“I’m in love with you.”

It’s such a simple line.

It wasn’t extravagant nor was it unique or poetic, yet you find yourself wanting to record it so that you could play it back whenever and wherever.

“I know you’re scared.” He affirms to your growing whimpers. “But I want to continue to love you if you’ll let me.”

Now it’s official. There was no buildup to the streams down your cheeks but you still let yourself indulge in the pent-up frustration over your lack of trust for the boy who is holding you like you’re the most precious thing in the whole world.

“If our friendship is going to end and you'll never look my way ever again, then at least please let me hold you a little bit longer.”

You wish you could at least have enough strength to throw some punches on his chest but you’re breathless in both the way your throat begs for air and in the way Sunwoo nudges the tip of his nose to a sensitive part of your neck. The same area grows colder without any effort and it takes you less than a second to realise that Sunwoo is crying himself.

“Why are you crying?” You ask as best as you can through your tears.

“Because you’re crying.” He simply answers. “It hurts me that you’ve gone through so much.” Sunwoo’s lips shudder, taking in small breaths himself. “But I’m really proud of you.”

“You say that all the time.”

Sunwoo chuckles, acknowledging the times he did say it. “And I’ll never get tired of saying it.”

Cupid relaxes his shoulders when you both slightly pull away, tender eyes looking upon each other with a wide grin appearing on you both but he could tell you both are trying your best to not look away, wanting to live in the love that the other shared in the moment. He was about to flap his wings, thinking that it was enough eavesdropping for today but you quickly pressed a light pucker to Sunwoo’s left cheek. Then to his right. Then to his philtrum. He couldn’t help but cover his eyes at your daring act but what made him push back further to the corner of the room to give you space were your words.

“Cross the line, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo grips your waist, groaning against your lips and he’s momentarily still until you swipe the crease forming on his forehead and whisper a variation of assuring words. That’s all it takes for Sunwoo to finally close the gap between you both. It’s no longer a metre, sixty or thirty centimetres, not with the way his hands roam all over your body, needing more confirmation that you’re the one kissing him. His hands slide from your waist, gently to cup both of your bottoms, pushing you up closer to him. It elicits a soft gasp from you but Sunwoo pulls on your bottom lip to connect you back to him. Your dazed eyes met his dark ones and he took this time to swipe his wet muscle across the teeth mark to soothe the pain.

Feverish for affection, your zooms towards his lips once more, locking the plumper ones between yours before pulling away with a soft hum and engulfing the other one to give it the same amount of love. Sunwoo’s heart melts at the way you lightly tug on his scalp, the other hand sliding down along his nape and resting your palm on his collarbone. What makes him crazy is the vertical swipes that you give on his defined collarbones. He parts the kiss, pushing himself off the edge of the table and lifts you there, trapping your body with his palm on either side of your body.

“Bubs.”

“You okay?”

“More than okay.” Sunwoo chuckles, devouring your lips once more. “Can I kiss you somewhere else?” As soon as the confirmation is given, a warm hand wraps on the back of your neck and Sunwoo starts to alternate the pressure from his open mouth on the side of your neck, starting to mark you his.

The black strands of his hair swallow every part of your gripping hold on him but he smirks against your skin with the little pretty sounds dripping from your lips.

“S-Sunwoo.” Realising now that he’s painting you on a visible area. “My mum and brother are going to see.”

It’s not that you’re embarrassed by him—never him—you’re just shy at the new colour that he places on you, completely unfazed by what others think.

Possessive Kim Sunwoo—you could live with that.

“Can I pull the hoodie down a bit then?” Sunwoo pants against your skin, rough and slightly out of breath. “Only if you want it.” And he made sure you’re comfortable with whatever it’s going to be with how he wipes the forming sweat on your upper spine.

You spent what it feels like a minute holding his gaze to you. “I trust you.”

And he’s back to creating a masterpiece on your skin. Three of his fingers hook on the neckline and expose the body part that he wants to place his hungry lips on next. He watches the way your collarbones become more visible when you deeply inhale and he waits for your next breath patiently. When it does come, you slightly throw your head back at the pleasure of his soft nimbles. Sunwoo didn’t even want to spend a second away from you, his hand pushing on your lower back to press him up against you more. Your mewls are what motivate him more, pushing him just a bit more to finish the work in progress that he has in his head, pivoting his lower lip to a different angle and pressing the final press on you.

You release a breath you didn’t even know you held and Sunwoo frowns at the way you limp your upper body onto him, arms around his shoulder for support.

“S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to do it that hard.”

Your hair ruffles against his when you shake your head. “Don’t be, I enjoyed it.”

Again, the room is filled with light chuckles once more, your dangling legs kicking the air at the shared moment together. Slowly but surely, the sweat evaporates from your face but your blush is still very evident. But before you become too shy and run away once again, you respond to his words that made you both cry in each other’s safety.

“I love you too, Kim Sunwoo.” Sunwoo’s hand that has been running up and down your back stops, wondering if he heard the right words. You turn to the vein on his neck, kissing along the line until the shell of his ear. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Sunwoo’s heart combusted at that and he only buries his heating face into your shoulder, making you giggle even more. His whole body is on cloud nine and he’s truly the luckiest person in the world to receive such words from you.

“I want to look at you.” He says before pulling away once more, hands planted next to your thighs once more.

Sunwoo’s slender fingers tucked your strands behind your ears, squishing your cheeks in between and said a relay of sweet nothings. Even though his eye smile is mostly on you, occasional glances were being stolen somewhere else. Knowingly, your finger pulls the cloth down and you watch the shift of mischievousness start to leave.

“Is it pretty?”

The adjective is an understatement. Of course, he wanted to say ‘yes’ because it’s his art that he’s proud of. He's the one who put the distinct heart shape there, his teeth mark slowly fading on the tip of the heart where he pivoted before and the remnants of him still slightly shine on your skin thanks to the overhanging light.

“You’re prettier.” Quickly stealing a peck from your lips to silence your shy complaints. “Be mine?”

“Valentine’s Day passed, Woo.”

“Be mine for life then.”

Oh, Kim Sunwoo really does have a way with his words.

“Plus, I’m glad that we didn’t become official yesterday.” Shrugging when you tilt your head, still with that cute smile of yours. “Now we don’t have to spend our Anniversary and Valentine’s Day on the same day. More mandatory days to spend with you.”

A light shove on his chest is what you respond with but your other hand already had a grip on the lower hem of his shirt. Sunwoo almost stumbled when you pulled him back, enveloping your lips with his.

“Thank you for never giving up on me,” Hands cradling your jaw, yours doing the same and you make sure your feelings are known, “I love you so much.”

“I love you more.”

Guess Cupid changed his arrow’s trajectory much to Sunwoo’s content.

Or maybe, it’s not really his doing after all.

Truth is, Cupid never shot an arrow in Kim Sunwoo’s way.

In reality, Cupid actually shot his chance to Na Jaemin and him only—but even he has made a wrong guess. The trust and hope that you and Sunwoo share are unmatched compared to the lovesick eyes that he has matched people with.

“A love that’s greater than my powers…” Though defeated and his self-confidence took a bit of a downfall, how truly upset can he be when he sees you and Sunwoo just embracing each other, body to body, close and loving each other just the way you both are?

He’s glad of his decision to shoot that second arrow to the other boy after you both fell asleep last night.

“Now that’s a mistake that I can live with.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@heemingyu @cupidjyu

"what do you think of flowers/bouquets?" | tbz hyung line

you mean what i think about you?

​PAIRING » the boyz x gn!reader (not proofread 😭 are we surprised?) TROPE/AU » established relationship au!, non-idol au!, smau! (text messages) GENRE »​ FLUFFY BOYFIE TBZ HYUNG LINE, with some angst, sangyeon is a very thoughtful boyfriend (and when's it my turn?), jacob to the rescue!!, younghoon is crying (I'M SORRY---), hyunjae's really...maximum comfort and hurt/comfort honestly (i love that man) WORD COUNT » 389​ ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~2 mins (for all) WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » none!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 98 line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

it's hard to explain how this is part of the 'especially to you...' series but the tl;dr is that flowers are very related to me and i've always thought about them as a being and how similar i can be to them and so, this was born!

also these took way longer than i thought 😭 and this is what i call: dunning-kruger effect in full motion 😭😭😭😭😭😭

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 98 line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@heemingyu

"what do you think of flowers/bouquets?" | tbz 98 line

i don't know much about them but if you like them then i'll gladly learn them for you!

​PAIRING » the boyz x gn!reader (not proofread one again 😭) TROPE/AU » established relationship au!, non-idol au!, smau! (text messages!) GENRE »​ most fluff out of all imo, barely any angst, ah maybe changmin's one is a bit angsty??, JUYEON WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE---, kevin and reader praying for each other 🥺 (i find this really comforting and cute to be honest), confident (and cute) boyfriend chanhee hehe, changmin is really thinking (cause i think he's that type of person). WORD COUNT » 395​ ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~2 mins (for all) WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » mentions of religion in kevin's

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 hyung line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

second one hehe! make sure to check out the hyung line that i released a few minutes ago!! maknae line should be up after around the estimated reading time from now!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 hyung line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@heemingyu

"what do you think of flowers/bouquets?" | tbz maknae line

​you were too gorgeous i fell for you all over again

PAIRING » the boyz x gn!reader (not proofread 😭😭😭) TROPE/AU » established relationship au!, non-idol au!, smau! (text messages!!) GENRE »​ most are hurt/comfort, otherwise it's just fluffy fluff fluff with angst, hak is similar to changmin (i see him like this and i'm not sure if people agree or not but i stick by this thought!), i...really poured my heart out for sunwoo, like...i seriously poured my heart out for sunwoo's...it's kind of crazy..., eric being the cute golden retriever that he is hehe WORD COUNT » 317​ ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~2 mins (for all) WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » none!!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 hyung line 🤍 98 line 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

last one! i really loved these little text messages. i think it can be very effective for little blurbs and headcanons like these so maybe i'll make some more in the future? i still kind of find story writing to be easier and more enjoyable but hey! it's all part of the experience!!

thank you for eric's pfp @/sohnric !!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 hyung line 🤍 98 line 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@heemingyu

thank you for 100+ interactions!!

cupid's mistake | tbz kim sunwoo

“Now that’s a mistake that I can live with.”

​PAIRING » the boyz kim sunwoo x fem!reader (ft. nct's na jaemin) TROPE/AU » friends to lovers, non-idol au!, high school au! GENRE »​ THIS WAS SO FLUFFY UWU, but also add those angsts!!, SLIGHTLY suggestive (one makeout scene), love triangle...?, (kinda) slowwww burn, i love supportive and attentive sunwoo who gives so much love to the reader, MUTUAL PINING, they're both blind aye, sunwoo is an idiot because he PUSHES THE READER AWAY GRRR, cliché cause i live for this hehe, sunwoo babysits the reader's little bro (cutie sunwoo), sunwoo is the type to give the reader physical space because she's overwhelmed, a terrible attempt at comedy, oh...i think i'm in love with kim sunwoo again (i literally changed my bias to hyunjae like a month ago---) WORD COUNT » 13,061 (hi yes, izzy is entering her long wc era!!)​ ESTIMATED READING TIME » i'm scared to put this down 😭 forgive me!! WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » suggestive!!, reader is a lightweight (not sure if this is a warning), reader uses alcohol to distract herself (sunwoo will come to the rescue tho!), reader has a bad schema for men, incredibly fast proofread once

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

hands down the hardest story i've EVER written (including my 40+ wips) and i stopped multiple times because it explores a huge part of my life that makes me super vulnerable. the internet may judge me after this but i'm going to stay strong for myself; they don't know what i've been through.

i'm glad that i have met idols who have at least helped my schema for men. mark lee, na jaemin, cho seungyoun (woodz), lee jaehyun (hyunjae) and kim sunwoo (sorry i was so harsh on you 😭 i'm very thankful for your existence no wonder what anyone else believes and thinks; and people can believe what they want to believe because i'm tired of trying to make them believe something else).

izzy...

if there is one internet trend (?) that you should take seriously, it's that: not all men are the same.

and you know that. you've seen it with your guy friends and the teachers that you were close to in high school. they're not like the ones who hurt you. i know you're scared and with what you've been through, i would like to at least believe that it's valid. i really hope that you keep going and keep fighting.

thank you for reading @heemingyu @mmoonbaee !! love our chaotic trio!! 🥰

You’ve rejected Kim Sunwoo before.

Twice, apparently.

It left the rest of your friend group flabbergasted when they heard that you did something so incredible. When asked why you rejected the friend that has stuck with you since the beginning of your hellish high school days, the only response you gave them was a fake smile with your eyebrows knitted together and your eyes roaming around the room, avoiding the intense (and totally unnecessary) curiosity in their gaze.

The truth is that you really do see why people fall in love with Kim Sunwoo.

You agree with the fact that he’s a romantic person and would absolutely take care of his partner well. You can vouch for this with the number of times he almost faceplanted on the very non-slippery cement when he saw you on the other side of the road, excited to finally see his dearest best friend. You can confidently vouch for him when he stubbornly gives his favourite hoodie for you to use, not hesitating to make sure you’re warm even though he knows he’s going to be bedridden. You can brag about your best friend’s selfless personality, telling them how Sunwoo went out of his way to comfort you along the beach at night when you said you were feeling empty.

Out of everyone in the world, you’re the one who knows best that Sunwoo has always been a caring person. Like that time when you both finally became adults and he waited for his first sip of alcohol to be with you. Embarrassingly, you’re much more lightweight than you both thought but even though Sunwoo could barely balance his steps, that didn’t stop him from giving you a piggyback ride walk to your house where he also really embarrassingly this time, actually faceplanted in front of your mother as he misses the step down the stairs when leaving.

So yes, you understand why people have massive heart eyes whenever he’s around.

But to you, he’s just your best friend. One that you hope would be there for you every step of the way even after you go on to the next chapters of your life.

The first confession was a quick one, a simple “Have you ever thought of dating me?” from Sunwoo and with a playful disgusted look, you simply respond with “Ew, no way.”

But the second one is more serious for Sunwoo. His heart was beating so fast that it was strong enough to make his whole body fall onto the ground; maybe it would’ve been better for the Earth to swallow him up so that he’d never have to face you ever again. He didn’t know what took over him and where the sudden urge came from but he meant every single word that he said—and the hues of red and pink on both his cheeks show his true feelings for you (which you missed).

But maybe Sunwoo overestimated how confident he could be around you because as soon as he sputtered “I like you. Should we start dating?” He saw the way your fingers stopped their aggressive tapping on the black squares of your keyboard, freezing and halting for a bit more before your shocked eyes met his nervous ones. Scared to ruin this perfect friendship that he already has with you, he backs out of his words, shaking his head and letting out his forceful rehearsed laugh that got you both kicked out of the library. Though the day could have been the start of something new, he still relished the way he managed to hear at least the rapid complaints fly out of your lips. You’ve been stressed out over the English essay that you’ve been so distant, so at least even though you beat him in a game or rock-paper-scissors for food, the empty wallet that he’s left with after, filled the loneliness in his heart.

Gosh even when you’re mad, he finds you adorable.

But it’s been three years since the second confession and now three years after, Kim Sunwoo is still next to you. Call him a loser—a hopeless romantic—but he would argue the term, telling the people around him that he has his reasons.

“What are we doing for Valentine’s Day?”

The question is not a weird one between you both. Maybe you should’ve said the just-friends boy and girl version of ‘Galentine’s Day’ or whatever the kids these days call it because Sunwoo’s heartbeat would always spike at the mention of the couple’s holiday. He’s always spent the day with you and how could you refuse when he assures you that you can leave your wallet at home?

In truth, he just didn’t want other people to take you out. He tried to fathom the image of you receiving that giant teddy bear, a heart-patterned bow around the neck and maybe the word ‘love’ embroidered on its fluffy white tummy. The only smile in his head is yours and the date that is not him, and he couldn’t help but notice the constricting muscle around his heart and the churning of his stomach.

Kim Sunwoo will always root for you. If your happiness is with someone else, then he wouldn’t dare to take that away from you. He just wants to let you know his true feelings someday—if he could.

Sunwoo swivels his chair around, a quiet hum gave out as an answer for now. He hasn’t thought much about this year, his part-time job and full-time high school student occupying his thoughts a bit too much more than he would like. Usually, he would have a list of things to do but as responsibilities piled up, the wants decreased and with how you’re practically stuck with each other either way, he manages to check off most of the things in his places to go list.

You’re unaware of the longing eyes that fixed upon you as you kept your eyes directed to the ceiling, phone raised above your eyes. You made yourself comfortable on Sunwoo’s bed, his blanket going past your chest and covering your lower body from the blasting air conditioner. Your arms are getting a bit sore but you just want to know if the main characters in the drama would kiss soo—

“Alright, that’s enough internet for you today.” The device is snatched out of your hands, your arms cheering in relief as they plop down on the bouncy material. In refute to his actions, your back straightens but everything happened in a quick three-second interval that you didn’t realise that Sunwoo was already bending down and your forehead collided with his. “Oh my Go—” Sunwoo exclaims, his butt hitting the floor in surprise.

“Serves you right!” You exclaim, begrudgingly rubbing the area with your palm. “Why were you so close?!”

“I was telling you stuff but you weren’t paying attention!”

“You could’ve shouted it!”

“I called your name thrice?!”

“Oh my God! Okay, what was it that you wanted to say?”

All words get stuck in his throat. Even though his head and bottom hurt with the two critical hits at the most unexpected time, he couldn’t help but shy his face away with the way you blew the loose strand that blocks your vision, paired with the slight jut of your little lip as you turn your attention to him.

Sunwoo stutters, gulping when he sees your raised eyebrows from the corner of his eye. “U-Up to you.” Another gulp and wandering eyes, “Is there nothing you want to do?”

“Oh but,” you recall the favour that your mum asked from yesterday. “My mum asked if I could babysit my brother because she has plans already.” Heaving an apologetic sigh, feeling bad for letting Sunwoo down.

“Hey no,” an idea comes to mind as he leisurely crosses his legs. “I love your brother! How about we just spend the day together with him?”

Your eyes narrow suspiciously to the comment he once made about kids, “I thought you said you hate kids.”

“No, I said I hate those who are cuter than me.”

A scandalous gasp from you, “Are you calling my brother ugly?! I’m telling him and my mu—”

“No!” Realising his mistake, he quickly untangles his legs and tackles you back down on the bed instantly, his bigger build toppling over yours easily. “That’s not what I meant! He's an exception!” It's unclear whether his sobs are real or not at this point. “Your mum loves me! Don’t do this to me!”

“Get off me, you stinky raccoon!”

The gym resonates with the squeaks of sixty-something shoes on its polished surface. The sound easily makes you squirm, hating that it screeches against your eardrums so violently. A chuckle is heard at the sight of the displeasure written on your face.

“Very annoying.” The honey-like voices your thoughts. “Would you like to borrow my headphones for a while?”

Instantly, you’re met with his popular gummy smile, the one that swoons everyone in your school. If people aren’t swooning over your best friend, they most probably are falling for the man who made himself comfortable next to the gym steps where you sat. His features are nothing like Sunwoo’s, softer and more approachable with the way his eyes sparkle even more with the help of the shine from above. Because this isn’t sport class, he wears his everyday uniform, his collar is properly presented and not a single speck of ramen soup makes its mark on the annoyingly white cotton. Even with the physical exercise he did, he still looks dashing and neat, wondering how his messy hair still looks attractive—but then again, men with messy hair have always captivated your heart. Jaemin’s kind personality is the final cherry on top and with how you usually have conversations like these when he’s benched or having a break, you’re certainly one of the girls who is attracted to him in no time. Your brown eyes travel further down his dazzling smile, to the black headset on his open palm.

A wave from Na Jaemin to your dazed face pulls you back to reality and you nod wordlessly to the question before. Like the gentleman he is, Jaemin doesn’t even ask you to turn to him but instead adjusts to your line of vision, slightly making the gap between the earpads bigger before resting the cushion perfectly for you. The way he did so was gentle, even tucking your hair strands behind your ear.

“Better?” Another wordless nod. Jaemin lets out an airy chuckle at your pursed lips, moving back beside you. “Here for Sunwoo?”

“And to kill time, I suppose.”

Your eyes wander back to the boy who’s working hard on the soccer field. It’s a usual routine for you to wait for his weekly soccer training so that you both can walk home together. Usually at this time, your nose would be buried in your textbooks, catching up on the work you missed due to the lack of sleep from the previous night. Usually, as well, the practice would be outdoors, the same squeaky sound being non-existent, the same one that ripped you out of your focus since the start of the practice round.

The whistle blares and the coach shouts at the team for a five-minute break. Sunwoo stops his jogging, hands on his knees as he leans to catch his breath while the rest of the team sends encouraging slaps on his back to their dear captain. Sunwoo sends a playful one back to their buttcheeks, the rowdy group enjoying the little gap before they have to get back in the zone. But this is when Sunwoo’s eyes fall upon his teammate and his best friend not too far away. His eyes soften at the way you just blink at Jaemin’s smile, betting that you’re not paying attention to a single thing that he’s saying. Unconsciously, he doesn’t realise how his hands clenched at the growing redness on your cheeks but Sunwoo doesn’t look away even when he walks to get his water bottle.

“Oh.” Eric teasingly remarks. “That’s not a good look, Sunwoo.”

“Shut up.” He mumbles back to his closest teammate. Even though he forces his back on you, he can’t help but steal obvious lovesick glances back.

“Jaemin said he’s going to ask your dearest bestie out on a date for Valentine's.”

Sunwoo tries his best not to let the comment get to him. “Well, she’s busy already.”

“With you?” Eric questions his trailing voice. “The guy she rejected?”

“Shut up!” Sunwoo groans to the boy, swinging his arm around his neck for a headlock. “You’re actually so annoying, Sohn. The whole cohort knows because of you!”

The poor boy begs for mercy, sending hits to his friend’s stomach. And Sunwoo does let go, poking his tongue out at the boy after. Overdramatically, Eric sends one back, calling mischievous names to the boy who is looking over to you once more. He couldn’t force himself to look away from the vital information that Eric said. Without knowing, his feet stride over to you both, finally catching the words from Jaemin’s moving lips.

“Can I take you out on Valentine’s Day? Are you free?”

Sunwoo sees the gears turning in your head and he pleads that you would reject the offer, pleading that you didn’t forget your words from last night. He’s looking forward to the day, especially when he researched a bunch of things that your brother likes, combining with the things you like to make sure the day will be well spent. But the breath he takes stops at his throat when you just continue to stare at Jaemin with wide eyes. Sunwoo might’ve imagined it, but he swears he could see the corner of your lips rising, your head probably thinking of a fun, romantic date with Jaemin.

It’s obvious to him even on the other side of the gym, that Cupid has shot his arrow.

“Yeah.”

The answer didn’t come from you, the response was too deep to be your timbre. The headphones did their job well, masking Sunwoo’s steps and leaving you confused by the clear and loud answer he gave. Excited at the confirmation of your empty schedule, Sunwoo’s heart churns at the way Jaemin excitedly holds your hands, turning your confused head tilt to him into another blushing one. Unfortunately, you were unable to say a word to any of the two boys, the coach beckoning everyone in the team over for the final part of their practice.

Faintly, you hear Jaemin saying that he’ll contact you and that you can return his headphones tomorrow in class. You just watch the way Jaemin hops back to the rest of the team while Sunwoo follows closely behind, his shoulders slightly slumping as he drags his feet to make that noise you hate.

The walk home isn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Sunwoo acts like the gym didn’t happen and you raise your eyebrows at his suspicious actions of him walking slightly in front of you even though he still talks about the parts of the day when you weren’t with him. With the slight gap, you observe the way his front bangs slump over his vision, covering his sullen eyes. The hands inside his pockets continue to tense and he tries his best to ignore the obvious crease between your eyebrows. He doesn’t even question the short answers you came up with in his storytelling. Even now as you arrive at your front door, Sunwoo doesn’t bring the topic up, choosing to send his usual smile and ‘see you tomorrow’.

But you refuse to let his actions go. “What was that all about back there?”

It puts Sunwoo’s feet rooted to the ground and he feigns an innocent look. “You know,” he starts now with a smirk on his face, “Na Jaemin could totally figure out that you have the biggest crush on him with the way you looked at him with those googly eyes of yours.”

“I do not have googly eyes when I look at Na Jaemin!”

“Sure, you don’t.” Rolling his eyes, “You were close to drolling over him back there.”

You could tell that he was just avoiding the subject and prolonging touching it until you just let it go. “Sunwoo.” The tone of your voice tells him that you're seriously looking for answers, “Why’d you say that back there? I thought we were babysitting my brother together?”

“It’s fine.” He swats his hand in the air. “You go have fun and I’ll look over the child myself.”

“But I—”

“Can you just stop complaining and go in? I’m tired from practice.” Sunwoo cuts you off, turning the doorknob and pushing you in with small strength. “See you tomorrow!”

He does close the door on your face, ignoring the inhale you take and walking away before you start rebutting his words. But with that, you also missed telling Sunwoo of your mum who stands leisurely behind him and when your mum greets him, Sunwoo gets the scare of his life, yelping and crouching to the floor, a hand over his chest.

“Serves him right for cutting me off twice.”

At this time, you didn’t realise the ache in your heart, too busy chuckling at his misery as your mum helped the poor boy before he disappeared out of your sight with multiple polite bows.

Now, Sunwoo is left to wallow in his stupidity. The devil in his head even shakes his head disapprovingly and the angel desperately tries to cheer him up, telling him that everything will be fine but it has no effect on the distraught boy. He lets out all the swear words that he knows, mumbling them to himself, criticising his past actions. A headache starts to form and he is unable to walk a straight line on the well-leveled road.

“You’re an idiot, Kim Sunwoo.”

He replays the earlier scene. The way your eyes fall on Jaemin fondly, the way all words seem to be lost when he speaks to you and the way you freeze when Jaemin holds your hand in his. His feet stop dragging on the stone when he spots an ice cream truck and the sweet fragrance of your favourite flavour. Even with small things like this, he thinks of you.

He observes the two friends who approach the vehicle, recognising the uniform as the same as the ones he has on. Judging by the satisfaction on the girl’s face and the complaints of the boy, Sunwoo assumes that the shorter one probably won a bet or something. His mind wanders to you once more, the dynamic of his two underclassmen similar to the one he shares with you.

More calm and accepting that he has probably lost you to Na Jaemin, if asked why he still chooses to stick with you after two rejections, Kim Sunwoo can.

The fastest and simple answer is that you don’t have a good schema for love. It was shattered the moment that you found out that your dad cheated on your mum four years ago. Your family fell apart shortly after your dad packed everything and left, leaving your mum alone as the sole parent when you were still trying to fully understand the world around you.

The rest of the world doesn't see how the separation affected you. However, Sunwoo was there during the times when you cried your eyes out, taking the frustrated punches on his chest, when you declared that you would never fall in love, scared of falling into the same fate as your mother especially when your dad has always voiced out that he loves his family and would always stay with them.

The world doesn't see how you hide behind his reassuring back whenever a male is too close for your liking. They don't see how you practically hold onto his arm with anxiety after a person confesses to you even though you're thankful that they look at you fondly. They don't see the fear in your eyes like Sunwoo has seen every single part of it.

When you would tease each other, like the time when he tackles you onto the bed, that's an exception. Sunwoo has always paid attention to your actions, both conscious and unconscious. He knows all about when you and when to keep his distance.

Thirty centimetres, sixty sometimes, and he would always wait for you to close the gap, stealing glances behind to make sure you were still following. Ninety-nine point nine per cent of the time, you would pick up your pace and Sunwoo would purposely slow down and the gap between the side of his arm and body would get bigger with each step you grow closer to him. When you clutch onto his arm again, he sends you that understanding gaze, mouthing a little 'hi' or 'hello' before facing forward again with newfound happiness.

The other point one is you asking if he could come back to stand beside you. But again, he would never ever touch you first and even when you arrive at your doorstep with no progress, Sunwoo would still look at you, reminding you of how proud he is and winks playfully to lift the corners of your lips before sending his 'see you tomorrow' still with happiness as his main aura.

It breaks Sunwoo’s heart whenever he sees you like that. That's the reason why he took his second confession back.

So when Kim Sunwoo, selfless and rooting for your genuine happiness, sees the different gaze that you send Na Jaemin, he can’t help but push his feelings aside. Plus, Na Jaemin is a good guy so he feels more reassured setting you up with the ace striker in the soccer team.

Cupid frowns down at the boy, his wings flapping sadly at the fake smile he puts on as he continues his walk home. It’s strange how he found himself sad for the dejected boy.

“Truly an idiot you are, Kim Sunwoo.”

Back home, you rewarded yourself with a warm shower. Though your physical body was able to let loose under the light sprinkles, your eyes couldn't help but mix in the metallic water with your salty ones. The water pressure manages to swallow most of your cries but the mirror doesn't lie when you see your red eyes after.

The gulp you took is painfully dry, tired from the tears from earlier. Your reach for the bathrobe is slow, letting the air cool touch your slightly red skin after the temperature. “At least he made it clear that he doesn't like me in that way.”

The knocks against the nearby room beckons a ‘Come in!’ from you and you quickly run the sides of your fingers on your eyebags as soon as you register the young boy from the mirror.

“Sis!” Dashing towards you, headbutting your back, “I heard Ddeonu hyung will be here tomorrow night!”

It's endearing to see how the news makes the little one jump, both his hands on your arm for support. A hand ruffles his already messy nest, “Be good tomorrow, okay?”

And the response morphs the smile upside down, “You’re not gonna be with us?”

Overloading with cuteness, you couldn't help but swivel around on your vanity chair towards your sibling, your hands pressing his cheeks, “With or without me, you're going to be with Sunwoo all day anyways!” Remembering all the times when he preferred to be in Sunwoo’s arms over yours, “Just don't make the poor raccoon run around too much, okay? He's getting old.”

“Does that mean he will fly to the cloud soon?”

“No, no.” Making a mental note to tell Sunwoo and imagining the way his jaw would drop at the wild question, “He's just old and tired now.”

Though confused at the repeated answer, the child seems to let it go, shrugging in satisfaction anyway at the plans for tomorrow. The smile upturned once more and you lift the boy much to his happiness, kicking his legs when you adjust his posture on your vanity table.

“Makeup!” He exclaimed about the objects around him, open palms to mimic a twinkling motion in the air.

“Makeup!” You echo, grabbing the cushion foundation. “Do you want to make me into a Princess?”

Obviously, he would not reject the offer, snatching the round object into his palm and patting the powder onto your neck.

“I'm going to make you the prettiest sister ever and raccoon hyung won't be able to take his eyes off you!”

Cupid shakes his head once more, his belly lying on the puffy cloud. He rests his chin on his palm, wondering how the similar-sized boy is more likable to him than the two blind adults—but it's obvious because he's not the stupid one.

“Well,” clicking his tongue on the roof of his mouth, “this one is an idiot too.”

Leading up to Valentine's Day, you thought at the very least you could spend the missed day with Sunwoo but he's more than adamant about pushing you to Jaemin. Whenever he saw a window of opportunity, he would call the boy over, a big waving motion from his hand in the air.

Whenever Jaemin spots you, every part of his face lights up and yours is supposed to reciprocate the stars in his eyes. But how could you even see it when all you see is the whole universe in Sunwoo’s ones instead?

The realisation that it has always been Sunwoo scares you and it terrifies you even more that the same boy who has always given his heart to you is making the gap between you both larger, further away, more and more within arms reach for your comfort. At first, it was confusion but then every part of your aching heart just longed for his presence beside yours once more.

Jaemin reminds you of the date one last time, the final text before you part ways at the school entrance is bolded, italicised and underlined. And Sunwoo? He intruded the house way earlier than everyone expected but judging from the open arms from your mother and the way you could hear your brother’s shrieking from the other side of the house, it's obvious that you’re the only one who’s dreading the early visitor.

Speaking of the visitor, your brother made himself comfortable by sitting on his neck, hands gripping his hair to make two little pigtails. Seeing Sunwoo fit right into your family from the very start has always been heartwarming and you would've told your brother to pull on two tails if you weren't busy avoiding his eyes from the mirror.

“Look!” Sunwoo gasps to your brother, finger pointing to you, “Your sister is so pretty, isn't she?”

And it became ten times harder to keep your tears from falling.

“Thanks.” You managed to seeth out from gritted teeth.

“Come on! You're going to be late.” Reminding you of the long hand of the clock reaching the top of the circle when Jaemin promised to pick you up. “Which bag are you using?”

It's heartbreaking to see him just walk past you after the compliment, whistling leisurely as he looks through the pile of bags on the side hook of your wardrobe. You found yourself looking down at your lap, trying to shake off the nervousness and anxiety in your mind. You try your best to focus on the tension of your gripping fists, letting go and repeating to ground yourself back. The tears are starting to blur your vision but you push the sleeves of your outerwear over your knuckles and smudge them away.

The way that Sunwoo still entertains your brother as he takes the body of the bag in your direction, humming intently to see if the colour of your outfit will clash with the accessory, brings your emotions to their peak and you just want to run away from this situation. He settles on one, a victorious exclamation falling from his lips and begins stuffing your necessities himself.

“Phone,” checking off the mental list, “keys and wallet.” Your brother pointing at the lone lipstick left at the centre of the painted surface, “Ah! This too!” Putting the closed cylinder inside the small purse before the metal zips and is carefully balanced on your shoulder.

Your thankful mutter didn't go unheard by Sunwoo and so did the tinge of makeup on the sleeve that you used when he looked away for a brief moment.

“Hey!” Sunwoo cranes his head to speak to the younger, curious eyes. “Why don't you go on ahead first and pick what ramen you want?”

The kicking of his heels against his chest made him wince a bit, quickly putting your younger brother where he dashes off with his favourite food.

Throughout the whole exchange, it once again confirms the fact that Sunwoo is truly loving to the people around him. The way that he tries not to disappoint your brother, even if there are probably bruises forming from his kicking, the way that he peels his head out to make sure your brother is taking careful steps to the kitchen and finally, the beaming but adoration in his eyes when he finally lands on the casual outfit you're wearing.

“Wow.” A breathless chuckle, head empty with the sight of you.

His cheeks flushed and he couldn't help but stare at your stunning choice of outfit—if hoodies and no makeup could make his heart jump out of his chest, then he should go to the hospital because of your off-the-shoulder white top paired with the beige pleated skirt and cardigan.

“Okay?” You ask timidly, “L-Like, do I look okay?”

“You're stunning.” He says truthfully that your body goes numb, looking away from the sparkles in his eyes.

Now, that's new. “Hey…” Taking steps towards you, “What's wrong?”

But your heart is fighting so hard that you feel like you're about to give up. If Sunwoo is going to reject you, then you just want him to do it so that you can forget about all this and just go back to pretending that you will never have heart-shaped eyes for Kim Sunwoo ever again.

“Y-You’re okay with this?” The leather of your bag crinkles at your gripping question.

“Yeah,” Sunwoo answers. “Don't worry. Jaemin is a great guy.”

Your eyes widen at the comment, “No, I-I know that bu—”

But Sunwoo suddenly zooms into your face, even bending his back to make sure that you wouldn't miss the pout on his handsome face. His eyes landed on your lip-touched makeup, “Wait, can I have your lipstick? Let me retouch it for you.”

You couldn't even refute, feeling the cooling pink painting your lips, contrasting the palm on your cheek that steadies the delicate work on your lips. Why did he bother asking if he was just going to retrieve it himself? You're thankful Sunwoo can't multitask, missing the glimmer in your orbs as you try your best to keep your lips from shaking like your legs are slowly becoming. It’s clear that he didn’t know how to properly manoeuver the brush on your lips but you find yourself forgiving him even if your lips become a mess after this.

The defeated groans from his lips only made your heart swell and you take your time to look at him as if you’ve never done so before; from his eyelashes that flutter prettily, to his tongue that pokes out in concentration, it’s crazy how handsome someone can be when he's not doing anything special. The pads of his finger spread the colour, smacking his lips as a sign for you to copy which you eventually do.

“Done!” And just when your heart thought it could finally get a break, Sunwoo decides to play with it a bit more, fishing out a snap hair clip. His hands smooth any bumps that aren’t visible to the naked eye. A hand holds the side of your head gently, the other sliding the gift across your scalp carefully. “Alright, now let’s go!”

Your tears are so incredibly close to flowing but the lights of your room die like every hope of telling Sunwoo that you’re not as excited as he is for the night to come. But if this is Sunwoo’s way of completely rejecting any romantic feelings for you, then what can you do except to trudge down your hallway where even your brother wishes that you would have a fun time? The smile on your lips doesn’t reach your eyes when both boys remind you not to come home late in addition to Sunwoo’s “Text or call me if you need anything!”

You spare a final glance at the two, sombre smile plastered on your face. The last face you see is Sunwoo’s whose eyes still held on a smile even though yours has been wiped away. Maybe it was supposed to encourage you or maybe it’s nothing and you’re just reading too deep into it but if there’s one thing you know is that the night with Jaemin, even though he is a well-mannered man, a gentleman inside and out, your head couldn’t help but wish that it was Sunwoo who took you to the arcade, making sure your arms are filled with snacks and drinks.

You wished that after that, no one was there to pull your chair out, instead laughing at the way you almost tripped on air while trying to sit down. You wished that you could’ve just stared at the menu in contemplation and for Sunwoo to just choose for you so that he could silence the growling in his stomach.

Cursing the famous day as well, seeing the love around you, the couples enamoured by their partners all around you, it only made the guilt inside grow further.

By the time the night is spent, Jaemin knows that his feelings aren't reciprocated. First, it's the way you ask him to repeat his words multiple times. Second, it's the way that your eyes are blank, just your orbs staring into space. Third, it's the way that you try to discreetly check your smartwatch for notifications from your best friend at your home.

“I'm sorry.” Jaemin chuckles in response after he softly calls you out.

The boy shakes his head, hands inside his pants pockets. “I knew that you didn't like me. I guess I just wanted a chance to maybe change that once.” But then he sighs an understanding sigh, closing his eyes before fluttering them back at you, “but you're too far gone into your feelings to realise what I've been doing.”

Your eyes welled up with tears, apologetic at his words and Jaemin couldn't do much but give words of comfort after you explicitly stumbled away from his reaching hand, asking for physical space. You mutter a million apologies for today but Jaemin is respectful, convincing you that the friendship between you both won't change and that eases your mind.

“Should I text Sunwoo?” He carefully asks. “To pick you up.”

A shake of your head is what had Jaemin’s eyebrow furrowing. “It’s okay. I’ll text him right now.”

And though your makeup is a mess, transferring onto the sleeves of your cardigan more, Jaemin still thinks you're stunning, the clenching of his heart intensifying at the glitter you still managed to hold. Jaemin leaves you alone in a convenience store near your favourite beach and somehow, you manage to convince him to go on ahead first, leaving your thoughts alone in the night of love.

Your feet routinely take you along the beachside, taking shelter at the convenience store for a while, grabbing drinks and food to aid your broken heart. When you crouch for the bottle at the bottom shelf, your mind just has to remind you that someone wouldn't even let you do this, always protecting you from any wardrobe malfunction.

Your knees finally give out and the back of your thighs meet with the back of your lower leg. Your hands only clutche on the neck of the green bottle while you hide your distressed face behind the curtains that your hair made.

Thinking of it all infuriates you.

Why can't you just be more trusting towards others? Believe that not all of them are out to ridicule or make fun of you.

“Sunwoo…” You couldn't help but mumble as your tears finally painted your beige skirt darker.

Thankfully you were able to keep your emotions somewhat at bay, straightening your posture with the cooling drink in one hold. The cashier could only offer you an encouraging speech and an empathetic smile as soon as she saw the trail on your cheeks. The gesture is needed but the anxiety still weighs on your chest deeply. She must've thought that you've gone through a huge breakup on this unfortunate pinky day but you think the internal agony is worse.

For the last few hours or so, Sunwoo has been updating you with your baby brother through pictures. If only the pictures were just about the younger one and not a duo picture that once again shows that Sunwoo is a keeper when it comes to babysitting. The device is stashed in the bag that he chose from you earlier but if you could, you could honestly feed it to the sharks on the beach in front of you.

The wind provided you company, hitting your red apple-coloured cheeks to balance your rising temperature. You knew you shouldn't drink alone especially when the moon was high in the sky but you couldn't help but bask in the tide that hit the sand, pulling everything back into the body of water.

The tips of your toes are drenched and you would usually be running further away as soon as water hit your ankles but you didn't want to. It’s times like these that you’re thankful for the invention of safety shorts as you're able to sit in any posture you like without worrying. Your knees constantly bend and straighten, dragging the sand along with it and at this point, you've created a shallow hole.

“I mean,” you slur, “I’m so comfortable with Sunwoo so why can't I be the same with the others?” your eyes could only shut in self-contempt from today’s date, “And Jaemin was so respectful to me too…”

It’s frustrating that you can't trust others when they've done nothing wrong. The only thing that responded to the strike down your cheek was the last drop of liquid courage; now even objects have started mocking you.

“I have to stop relying on him,” a hiccup and a humourless laugh. “When he gets a girlfriend…” the thought cracks your heart into pieces and your knee grows closer to your chest, “Gosh, what am I doing?”

“I could ask you the same thing.”

The deep voice and a couple of deep breaths made you turn back so quickly that you fell over sideways. The boy momentarily scolds you even more, grumbling, pointing at your ruined shoes tossed aside in the sand and exhaling whilst turning his head away to catch a break from the soaked ends of your outerwear. When the worry envelops him again, Sunwoo takes a better look at your state.

His tongue clicks against the roof of his mouth loudly and the crease between his eyebrows only deepens each time his eye focuses to another part of your face.

“Did you drink?! Alone?! I told you not to drink without me!”

His initial volume made you jump a bit, especially with how he directly circles behind you to pick up the discarded, lonely bottle. Sunwoo's nagging continues, crouching beside you to your eye level with the bottle making tunes from the wind. The pout answers him, along with the way your fingers fiddle on the hem of your sleeves. You had no intention of voicing out the answer now that he knows so you just say something else.

“You actually came…”

The ‘something else’ did make his ramble stop and his intense features started to soften and melt away when your words hit him.

“Of course, I came.” Reassurance above the whispering wind, “You texted me.”

Your lips couldn't even gape open with a response because Sunwoo takes a couple of steps back, away from you. Though his body is still facing yours with his shoes pointing at you and arms around his knees, the safe distance is what makes your head hurt at the many things you could say to him.

“Did you put him to sleep?” You opted for this conversation instead.

Sunwoo’s nods just got in your peripheral vision, but your nod is the centre of his.

You let the wind break you even more, not even raising your hand to move the strands that became trapped between your lower and upper eyelids, tickling your eyes when it finally is freed. Without a doubt, you know that Sunwoo is just watching you patiently, waiting for you to tell him to drop you home or to at least talk about the night whether it be his or yours. Your nervous system couldn't help but relax in his presence.

Inside, Sunwoo wants something from you too. An indication to move further and to close the thirty-centimetre gap he has created. Just anything so that he could finally leave the coldness that nips at his trembling skin. His bangs brushes over his sight but he still has a clear view of you. The side of his head only rests on his arm as he just stares at you, humming a tune that hopefully reaches you.

“Woo.”

“Hm?”

“Do you like someone?”

A series of stuttering and unsure hums came from him. Your knees push against your chest hard, burying your head between them. Soon enough, you're convinced that the pressure is what kept your heart together after the affirmative answer.

“I…” Here goes nothing, “was supposed to be with her today and maybe ask her out officially but she had other plans and so did I.”

“Oh.” You didn't know if he heard it. You kind of wished he didn't because of how sore your throat suddenly feels. “I’m sorry, I should've been the one to take care of my brother inste—”

“She was busy too,” Sunwoo repeated, words clearer and punctuated. “It doesn't matt—”

“Will I be able to trust anyone again?”

“W-Wha—”

“Will someone ever love me the same way that you love her?”

The thoughts haunt you every night when you're asleep and now that you finally share it with someone, you lose yourself in the alcohol and blurt out the impulsive thoughts.

“W-Whoa.” Sunwoo nervously chuckles. “Did the date really go that ba—”

“Do I know her?”

“Ye—”

“Tell me. Let me make sure she's a good person.”

The only response you get is a low groan and sigh; both from Sunwoo and the guardian Cupid above you both. The moonlight twinkles the curve of the forgotten bottle but it reminds Sunwoo that you're not in your right state of mind and that you're just pressing to get the thoughts out of your head rather than truly looking for answers.

For the first time, Sunwoo took action, dusting his clothes from the damp sand. You merely watch with half-hooded eyes as he strides against the swallowing sand, your head slowly turning from the side to the front where he settles himself. Sunwoo gives you a soft tug of the corner of his lips and his dancing bangs only make him all the more attractive. He tests the waters, holding his hand out to reach yours, permission to touch you through his gaze. When you nod, he doesn't hesitate to share his body warmth starting from his bigger palms, relieved at how you seem to let out a breath that you have been holding.

“Deep breaths, bubs.”

The nickname makes you swoon and makes his instructions unclear. Though the pounding on the side of your head makes it hard for you to morph Sunwoo’s clone together, the name managed to at least get your attention. With this, he didn’t mind the way his clothes drank the seawater when he kneeled, even dragging his fabric across the surface. Sunwoo responds with a jut of his lower lip when you just shoot him a glare but your act disappears when he opens his arms wide. Without any further hesitation, your forehead rests on his chest. One of his hands cups the curve of your waist and the other threads through your silky hair. The act makes your body shudder and you find your arms start to hold his middle even tighter when he collects your hair and tosses it over to a side, his palm now covering your whole nape.

“You’re alright.” Sunwoo muses. His diverts to yours and maybe you’re just imagining the adoration dripping from his eyes but you couldn’t help to speak a bit of your mind.

“You're doing it again…”

“Doing what?”

You didn't give him a verbal answer, the shake of your head and the whines you gave were enough for him to just embrace you into his presence. Sunwoo hides you from the world when he sees the tears brimming across the eyes that he’s fallen for. Daring, he presses a kiss on the top of your head, smiling fondly at your more balanced breathing.

“Let’s go home?” The shake of your head made Sunwoo rake for more ideas. “Wanna have a sleepover at my house then?”

“No.” Muffled answer from his chest. “You’re just going to make me sleep on the floor.”

“Hey! You lost the bet last time! Don’t blame your skill issue with rock-paper-scissors on me!”

“Fine then! I’ll just stay here for the rest of the night!”

Oh, he's so in love with you. Sunwoo only coos, his heart fluttering and content when you respond to the playful war that he wages.

“I’ll let you take the bed.” A raised eyebrow is what you offer him with when you crane your head and Sunwoo could tell the suspicion that you had against his words. “I’m serious!”

“Really?”

A roll of his eyes and a scoff, “As if I’ll let you take the floor knowing that you’ll be hungover tomorrow.”

“Well,” a shaky inhale, “you could.”

“Yeah?” This time it’s his turn to have an eyebrow raised. “Why would I do that?”

“Because when you go off and date someone, you won’t be able to keep doing whatever this is.”

“Yeah?” He repeats himself, desperate for a little bit more of your feelings. At least let me down properly, he thinks to himself. “And what happens if I don’t want to put my focus on someone else? What happens if I just want to keep focusing on you? What happens if I just want you in my life and no one else?”

Now, Sunwoo’s hands grip a hold on your upper forearm and pull you away from his body. The moonlight finally reaches your face and Sunwoo observes you thinking, his eyes boring into yours, silently pleading for some sort of indication that would end the pink and red swirls in his eyes whenever he catches even a glimpse of your figure.

“Then I would tell you that I like you and that I have for the longest time.”

Are drunken thoughts still sober thoughts in this situation?

Sunwoo’s head dips dangerously close and it takes everything in him to not press his lips onto yours. If you even allowed any words that imply that he may have taken your heart, he told himself he would look away even if it meant burying himself into the ground and never seeing civilisation ever again. The struggle is written all over his face: the tight wrinkles around his eyes that accommodate the crashing of his eyebrows, the protective hold he has on you and the way he presses his forehead onto yours with his hair tickling you, quiet exhales leaving his lips.

“Please don’t do this to me,” he pleads, “You’re drunk and I’m trying to not cross the line.”

“Cross it…” Mellow and enchanting. “I give you my consent.”

“Don’t.” He grits and tries to still his heart. “I can't…”

“Kiss me, Woo.”

Sunwoo swore that his heart almost leapt out of his chest when his eyes shot open, immediately growing bigger with how you nudged the tip of your nose to his. His temperature receptors feel the shift of the warmer air growing closer to his lips and he can’t help but focus on the way your eyelids flutter close.

The attraction is fatal and so is the small distance left. Unconsciously, even though it’s wrong, he couldn’t help but adjust his position, wanting to claim you as his even if it’s just for a while. Just when your lips are mere millimetres away from touching, Sunwoo denies the touch of heaven, the angel inside gets his hands to fly and block the intimate act with his fingers. A hand cups your cheek, tracing along your jawline and a thumb slots in between your plump lips from reaching his. His breath hitches when you peek at the smooth surface, void of the curves that you were expecting. He watches the stars fade from your eyes, replacing them with a wall that he couldn’t decipher.

Through his eyelashes that flutter quietly and the painful gulp, he prompts you once again, “Let’s go home.” More resolute and grounded than before. “We can talk about this tomorrow.”

The thumb did leave the presence on your cupid’s bow but lingers at your lip’s bottom edge. Sunwoo watches as your lips bounce back after he lightly pulls it down and he sees the dullness from your eyes with every single second that passes. He shoves his sleeves past his fingertips, wrapping the grey around his pointer and starts to collect your confusion on his sleeves.

“I-I’m sorry.”

He could tell it was genuine and he assumed that you might’ve sobered up a little bit within the last couple of seconds. Sunwoo met your forehead once again with his thumb that still held you like you were as fragile as the glass bottle that had been discarded.

“Please don’t leave me.”

“I’m not going to leave you. Don’t even bother to think of those things ever again.” He reassures your muddled-up mind. “I’m going to pick you up, okay?”

Between your hazy vision and the churning of your stomach, the only indication you could give is a nod and outstretched arms towards his now-standing figure. Sunwoo adoringly chuckles, bending down and supporting your weight by scooping you up by your waist. He kept your body close to his even when he turned around and kneeled, patting his back for you to slump over.

Out of energy, your arms lazily dangled during the walk, elbows resting on his shoulders during the whole walk. Truth be told, his back aches because you couldn’t get a proper grip on him but he knows as soon as he straightens his back to a more comfortable position, you might actually hit your head and wake up in the hospital. The walk back to his car is quiet, chattering filling the background noise. If you’re awake, you can feel the shaking of his thighs as he carefully rests you on the cushioned seat, an arm coming over his head onto the back of yours as a safety measure from the upper door frame. Without a single sound from you, he successfully buckles you securely in the front seat. Your coat is gently undressed from you to be used to cover your legs, the short skirt only makes you shiver in the night.

“Why do cars always sound so loud?”

Sunwoo complains when he twists the car key to start the engine. His eyes fall to you again, observing your sleeping figure who is unaware of the little jumps and loops his heart made. His pointer reaches over to the loose strands that tickle the front of your face. From the back of your ear, he holds his breath at your slightly gaped lips that pull him closer, drawing him nearer to share a kiss with you. Why did you have to look so stunning despite the reeking alcohol that only becomes stronger in the small space?

Though faint, his reflection from the front window stares at him and he can’t help but sink further into the seat, wanting to hide and run away from himself. “Will you ever look at me the same way?” he grumbles hopelessly into the palms that shield him from reality before driving towards his house.

The exhaustion from the eventful day finally washes over him as soon as he parks his car in one go. Usually, you would give an impressed look and Sunwoo would wiggle his eyebrows when you only scoff at his achievements. The connecting door to his house opens, throwing his things inside the hallway without much thought before jogging back to your side. His eyes narrow, concentrating on making as minimal noises as he can whilst opening the metal surface that separates you and him. A hand pushes on the door while the other does the contrasting action with the handle to avoid the loud click that vehicles make. Thankfully your head isn’t resting on the door, something that he made sure didn’t happen so that you could rest in his house without the bumps of the road lifting your head and slamming it back down due to ruthless gravity.

And as much as Cupid’s curly blonde hair is between all the sides of his fingers, he mastered the art of patience and ‘trusting the process’ as he took a series of deep inhales.

Throughout the whole time, Cupid is impressed at how blind you both prove to be. It’s obvious now as he pays attention to the way Sunwoo treats you and the way that you desperately clutch on his jacket that you both are more than best friends. He ponders if he should shoot another arrow even though the initial one he shot is showing progress.

In this line of work, where he’s used to shooting, and observing for a while before going to another potential couple, he seems to be stuck with the couple in front of him. Up until now, he has never thought to shoot the second arrow that is reserved for a couple that makes him look away distastefully. He’s never met one that makes him take them out of their trance as it’s obvious it became more bad than good for them but what he’s twirling in his hand is not that.

But he starts to think about his decisions whenever you're hurting because of the world and he starts to think of the shatter in Sunwoo’s heart whenever he's around you.

Is it worth it to have you both come together?

“But you know,” the arrow stops between his pointer and thumb, the crest hitting the perimeter of the stationary cloud. Cupid continues to peer over the two, finding himself squealing with the way Sunwoo continues to make teasing jokes to make sure you don’t fall asleep behind the bathroom door while brushing your teeth and changing into your favourite hoodie of his. “I don’t think shooting one towards these two will do much.”

He smiles knowingly, completely immersed in the way that Sunwoo hops over to cradle your head into his chest as soon as you open the door. Your mind is still under the scorching forty percent but you didn't miss the way Sunwoo’s fingers rub on your exposed thigh when he brings you to his bed bridal style.

And if he shoots another arrow?

Oh, Cupid knows that you’re both more than just teenagers in love. Especially in your case, terrified, and for Sunwoo who just wants to see you happy—another arrow means nothing if you both don’t learn and figure out this obstacle yourselves.

With Sunwoo’s help, you’re snugged underneath his blanket, pulling it up to your nose, just the way you like it. The laundry detergent brings you rest, and your brain immediately relaxes as it associates the scent with safety. Your body rests on its side and you watch Sunwoo as he takes a kneeling position on the side of his bed, taking his hand to yours while his other forearm rests on the bouncy futon. The act makes his heartbeat increase once more. “Sunwoo.” The boy only keeps his affectionate eyes on yours while he strokes your hair. “Thank you for picking me up.”

The brushes of his thumb on the back of your palm could lull you to sleep. “Can I sleep on the living room couch today then?” Mischievously suggesting, knowing how much you would complain about leaving you alone in the room for the whole night.

The question makes you pout awake again, “You’re going to leave me?” Maybe you weren’t up for the joke and Sunwoo smiles sadly, clearing his throat and shaking his head assuringly.

“I’m just joking with you.” An airy laugh seeped out from his lips. “I’ll sleep on the floor.” Pointing at the unoccupied space behind him. “Don’t worry.”

“Or you can sleep next to me…”

Cupid feels the tension in the air after your suggestion. He propels the bed of clouds, flying closer to have a better view of you two. He’s so invested in the way Sunwoo softly looks at you that the shake of his head after some thinking makes him scream once more, burying his face into the white puff of air.

“Why not?” You scooted against his bed, making space to prove your point that the bed was big enough for you both. “It’s not like we’ve never done it before…”

“I know.” Sunwoo stands from his kneeling position but you refuse to let go of his hand. Instead, your hands slide up from his wrist to entangle them between his fingers. “Bubs…”

“I’m scared.” That’s all it took for Sunwoo’s knees to hit the floor again, coming closer to you. “What if I do manage to fall in love but then I just get hurt?”

“Then he’ll deal with me.” It elicits a whimper from you and your vision suddenly blurs once more. The tears brim up more when Sunwoo’s hand cups to rest against the apple of your cheeks with his knuckles, brushing in a circular motion. “Love them, it’s okay.”

The pressure you’re exerting on his fingers makes him furrow his eyebrows. “You’re okay with that?”

“If he makes you happy then I’m okay with that, yes. If he is the one that will make you believe in love again, then yes.” And his shoulders shrug, not as a way to say that he doesn’t care about your feelings because he does—everyone how much he cares for you. “I just want you to be happy.”

“Then make me happy.”

There it is again.

The implication that makes his eyes dart his focus from your heavy eyelids to the small gap between your lips. It travels down to your joined hands that lay next to your plump lips. He loves it. The sight of your hands, intertwining beautifully between his and the way that you’re holding him close to you as if his presence is a gift—if only he knew how much you treasure him.

“Get some sleep okay?” Ignoring it once more by throwing his eyes to his lap.

By some miracle, Sunwoo manages to break free from your hands but not before he wipes away the leftover final drops from your doe eyes. He didn’t completely leave your side just yet though. Sunwoo just sinks his right forearm on the edge of his bed, his left on top before resting his chin later on. His eyes blinked and he held the momentary darkness for a few seconds longer before opening them again. You understand, nodding defeatedly. With Sunwoo looking over you, admiring you even though he’s much more exhausted after running around your house with an energetic child, you were able to finally slumber off to sleep. He only thought about standing when heard your drowsy breathing becoming soft snores. Even then, his hand snakes behind your nape and under all your strands, pulling your luscious locks up to hang over his pillow and leaving the cold air to cool your exposed skin.

“I love you.”

And that’s when Cupid made up his mind.

The first thing that greets you when the flock of birds chirps too loudly for your liking is the gutting feeling of wanting to run down to the toilet bowl and empty the contents of your stomach. The second thing that hits you is the desert down your throat, your hand blindly rummaging on the bedside table to find the familiar shape of your water bottle. The third thing that hits you is the remnants of a tight non-existent band that wraps around your head.

It’s all a good potion to remind yourself never to drink so much liquor in such a short period.

But the fourth thing that hits you as you rise to a sitting position, thumb and pointer running up horizontally across your eyebrows, is the familiar room that isn’t yours. It takes you a while to notice but you recognise the one familiar arcade teddy bear on the very unorganised study table on the opposite of the room. The picture framed your scowl while the owner of the room held his phone up, tongue sticking out to the camera with the little peace sign above your head.

“Shit…how the heck did I get here?” Your bed hair becomes a bird's nest in a matter of seconds. “Wait so last night I went to the convenience store,” tracing your steps carefully, “drank at the beach…” but a blank after that, “Sunwoo must've picked me up.” The dread hits at the name you just spoke, “I’m not ready to face him!”

The blanket is ripped out from your lower body, and the drop in temperature sends goosebumps all over your body. Quite simply, you're embodying the term of waking up on the wrong side of the bed without its metaphorical meaning.

There was no point in peeking through the slit between the door and the frame of Sunwoo’s bedroom because you knew directly on the other side is a wall with framed pictures of the family who resides there. You ready yourself with an inhale through your nose, preparing a bunch of words despite the still evident headache before exhaling through your mouth.

The smell of batter and vanilla becomes more evident as soon as your hand creaks the door open. It excites you knowing that your favourite breakfast isn't too far away from reach. The smile that you gave though, reminds you of the pressing matters when it strikes pain through the veins on the side of your head.

Your exclamation to the feeling is what rips Sunwoo out of his daydream, turning around to see you tiptoeing not too far behind him like a thief.

“You're awake.”

Beside him, a tower of the perfectly circular cooked batter is stacked in five, maple syrup around the rim of the treat as it drops down naturally onto the rest of its friends below. You could tell that he probably timed each side with how uniform the colours of each side were. Sunwoo hasn't picked up the panic behind your eyes, setting the plate on the island between you both.

“Take this first.” He pops the white pill from its aluminium seal and reaches for the full glass of water he prepared earlier from the fridge.

Sunwoo didn't know that his proud smile would fall as quickly as you almost did when you stepped back. His feet rooted themselves to the slippery wood underneath, his eyes widening even though you managed to grab hold of the backrest of the couch next to you.

“Are you alri—”

“I should take my leave now.” You rushed to say, “My mum must be wondering where I am.”

“I told her last night, don't worry.”

Right. Just like all the times he has done whenever you fell asleep on his shoulder while watching anime with him.

“Eat something first and I'll drop you home.” His head tilted to the alluring warm cakes on the table.

The perfect cylinder on his hand would have slipped from his sweaty palms with how you shake your head in the slightest. Now he's picking up something. Do you remember the events from last night? No, you've always been a forgetful one and he would help you remember by setting up cues and would always have his camera facing you to record the horror creeping up your face.

Whatever it is, he felt the need to take the lead first, especially with how you're avoiding even looking his way and sitting down on the board of the furniture from before, your hands gripping the polyester beside your body. He's not too far away from you, maybe a metre apart but he's feeling anxious with the air himself, turning away from you momentarily.

You hear the exhausted exhale from your best friend and that made you scared to even look his way. The rim of the glass hits the marbled top. “I'm not going to do anything to you, you know?”

“Of course I know…” Keeping your emotions at bay.

“Then?”

Cupid raised both his eyebrows, hoping that you would be able to find the courage to rightfully confront Sunwoo for the feelings in your heart. His hands clamp together, lacing together as he rests his forehead on the knuckle of his thumb, silently encouraging the growth of the couple in front of him.

“I know that it’s my fault too that I didn’t speak up about the date with Jaemin. I should’ve been more honest to him first and foremost because he’s done nothing but nice to me and yes! The date was really nice and he was a gentleman like you said Sunwoo but,” the implications of the last word wipes the proud smile that he had, lips pursed to a thin line, “I wish that you didn’t put me on the spot especially when you know that I’m scared of being around men.”

There was no audible answer that he could truly give you. What you said is true and he hates that he projected to hide his feelings for you in the worst possible way. He left you alone at night, in the hands of someone that he can’t fully tell your mother honestly that he knows. The shake of his head is slow but harsh and with a glance, you could hear the cogs turning inside the distraught boy’s head.

“I’m sorry.” Wavering in fear.

“Please don’t be.” He responds. “I’m sorry.”

Despite shutting his eyes, Sunwoo feels the looming shadow that falls over his slumped figure against the tabletop. His hands join together, a loud clap making you jump a little bit at the force of his thoughts. You watch as his hands drain the blood flow, slowly making his fist white. And though your chest hurts from the anxiety running through your veins, you decided that it was best for you to clear the awkward air.

What you did is beyond anyone’s imagination but it felt right as compared to last night—as compared to all those times two years ago. Your fingers cradle the underside of Sunwoo’s jawline, separating his chin from his chest and angle his shocked face to yours. Sunwoo would’ve genuinely run away usually, maybe even letting out one of those screeches that would leave you scolding him for the pounding of your eardrums, but something else is pounding in both of your chests and it’s syncing with each other for the first time.

You move little by little, your toes slowly moving in so that you can stand between his slightly open legs until the sides of your knees are between his. Slowly, the anterior side of his forearms starts to lift from the surface behind him, testing the waters to hold you in his arms by ghosting his already encircled arm around your middle. When you nod, Sunwoo finds himself tightening the hold immediately, pulling you into the crook of his neck while your fingers thread on the loose white of his fabric. His fingers widen their reach, wanting to feel your figure on a wider surface area.

“I’m in love with you.”

It’s such a simple line.

It wasn’t extravagant nor was it unique or poetic, yet you find yourself wanting to record it so that you could play it back whenever and wherever.

“I know you’re scared.” He affirms to your growing whimpers. “But I want to continue to love you if you’ll let me.”

Now it’s official. There was no buildup to the streams down your cheeks but you still let yourself indulge in the pent-up frustration over your lack of trust for the boy who is holding you like you’re the most precious thing in the whole world.

“If our friendship is going to end and you'll never look my way ever again, then at least please let me hold you a little bit longer.”

You wish you could at least have enough strength to throw some punches on his chest but you’re breathless in both the way your throat begs for air and in the way Sunwoo nudges the tip of his nose to a sensitive part of your neck. The same area grows colder without any effort and it takes you less than a second to realise that Sunwoo is crying himself.

“Why are you crying?” You ask as best as you can through your tears.

“Because you’re crying.” He simply answers. “It hurts me that you’ve gone through so much.” Sunwoo’s lips shudder, taking in small breaths himself. “But I’m really proud of you.”

“You say that all the time.”

Sunwoo chuckles, acknowledging the times he did say it. “And I’ll never get tired of saying it.”

Cupid relaxes his shoulders when you both slightly pull away, tender eyes looking upon each other with a wide grin appearing on you both but he could tell you both are trying your best to not look away, wanting to live in the love that the other shared in the moment. He was about to flap his wings, thinking that it was enough eavesdropping for today but you quickly pressed a light pucker to Sunwoo’s left cheek. Then to his right. Then to his philtrum. He couldn’t help but cover his eyes at your daring act but what made him push back further to the corner of the room to give you space were your words.

“Cross the line, Sunwoo.”

Sunwoo grips your waist, groaning against your lips and he’s momentarily still until you swipe the crease forming on his forehead and whisper a variation of assuring words. That’s all it takes for Sunwoo to finally close the gap between you both. It’s no longer a metre, sixty or thirty centimetres, not with the way his hands roam all over your body, needing more confirmation that you’re the one kissing him. His hands slide from your waist, gently to cup both of your bottoms, pushing you up closer to him. It elicits a soft gasp from you but Sunwoo pulls on your bottom lip to connect you back to him. Your dazed eyes met his dark ones and he took this time to swipe his wet muscle across the teeth mark to soothe the pain.

Feverish for affection, your zooms towards his lips once more, locking the plumper ones between yours before pulling away with a soft hum and engulfing the other one to give it the same amount of love. Sunwoo’s heart melts at the way you lightly tug on his scalp, the other hand sliding down along his nape and resting your palm on his collarbone. What makes him crazy is the vertical swipes that you give on his defined collarbones. He parts the kiss, pushing himself off the edge of the table and lifts you there, trapping your body with his palm on either side of your body.

“Bubs.”

“You okay?”

“More than okay.” Sunwoo chuckles, devouring your lips once more. “Can I kiss you somewhere else?” As soon as the confirmation is given, a warm hand wraps on the back of your neck and Sunwoo starts to alternate the pressure from his open mouth on the side of your neck, starting to mark you his.

The black strands of his hair swallow every part of your gripping hold on him but he smirks against your skin with the little pretty sounds dripping from your lips.

“S-Sunwoo.” Realising now that he’s painting you on a visible area. “My mum and brother are going to see.”

It’s not that you’re embarrassed by him—never him—you’re just shy at the new colour that he places on you, completely unfazed by what others think.

Possessive Kim Sunwoo—you could live with that.

“Can I pull the hoodie down a bit then?” Sunwoo pants against your skin, rough and slightly out of breath. “Only if you want it.” And he made sure you’re comfortable with whatever it’s going to be with how he wipes the forming sweat on your upper spine.

You spent what it feels like a minute holding his gaze to you. “I trust you.”

And he’s back to creating a masterpiece on your skin. Three of his fingers hook on the neckline and expose the body part that he wants to place his hungry lips on next. He watches the way your collarbones become more visible when you deeply inhale and he waits for your next breath patiently. When it does come, you slightly throw your head back at the pleasure of his soft nimbles. Sunwoo didn’t even want to spend a second away from you, his hand pushing on your lower back to press him up against you more. Your mewls are what motivate him more, pushing him just a bit more to finish the work in progress that he has in his head, pivoting his lower lip to a different angle and pressing the final press on you.

You release a breath you didn’t even know you held and Sunwoo frowns at the way you limp your upper body onto him, arms around his shoulder for support.

“S-Sorry, I didn’t mean to do it that hard.”

Your hair ruffles against his when you shake your head. “Don’t be, I enjoyed it.”

Again, the room is filled with light chuckles once more, your dangling legs kicking the air at the shared moment together. Slowly but surely, the sweat evaporates from your face but your blush is still very evident. But before you become too shy and run away once again, you respond to his words that made you both cry in each other’s safety.

“I love you too, Kim Sunwoo.” Sunwoo’s hand that has been running up and down your back stops, wondering if he heard the right words. You turn to the vein on his neck, kissing along the line until the shell of his ear. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Sunwoo’s heart combusted at that and he only buries his heating face into your shoulder, making you giggle even more. His whole body is on cloud nine and he’s truly the luckiest person in the world to receive such words from you.

“I want to look at you.” He says before pulling away once more, hands planted next to your thighs once more.

Sunwoo’s slender fingers tucked your strands behind your ears, squishing your cheeks in between and said a relay of sweet nothings. Even though his eye smile is mostly on you, occasional glances were being stolen somewhere else. Knowingly, your finger pulls the cloth down and you watch the shift of mischievousness start to leave.

“Is it pretty?”

The adjective is an understatement. Of course, he wanted to say ‘yes’ because it’s his art that he’s proud of. He's the one who put the distinct heart shape there, his teeth mark slowly fading on the tip of the heart where he pivoted before and the remnants of him still slightly shine on your skin thanks to the overhanging light.

“You’re prettier.” Quickly stealing a peck from your lips to silence your shy complaints. “Be mine?”

“Valentine’s Day passed, Woo.”

“Be mine for life then.”

Oh, Kim Sunwoo really does have a way with his words.

“Plus, I’m glad that we didn’t become official yesterday.” Shrugging when you tilt your head, still with that cute smile of yours. “Now we don’t have to spend our Anniversary and Valentine’s Day on the same day. More mandatory days to spend with you.”

A light shove on his chest is what you respond with but your other hand already had a grip on the lower hem of his shirt. Sunwoo almost stumbled when you pulled him back, enveloping your lips with his.

“Thank you for never giving up on me,” Hands cradling your jaw, yours doing the same and you make sure your feelings are known, “I love you so much.”

“I love you more.”

Guess Cupid changed his arrow’s trajectory much to Sunwoo’s content.

Or maybe, it’s not really his doing after all.

Truth is, Cupid never shot an arrow in Kim Sunwoo’s way.

In reality, Cupid actually shot his chance to Na Jaemin and him only—but even he has made a wrong guess. The trust and hope that you and Sunwoo share are unmatched compared to the lovesick eyes that he has matched people with.

“A love that’s greater than my powers…” Though defeated and his self-confidence took a bit of a downfall, how truly upset can he be when he sees you and Sunwoo just embracing each other, body to body, close and loving each other just the way you both are?

He’s glad of his decision to shoot that second arrow to the other boy after you both fell asleep last night.

“Now that’s a mistake that I can live with.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@heemingyu @cupidjyu

CHILD?!! ARE YOU OKAY?! 🫂

"what do you think of flowers/bouquets?" | tbz 98 line

i don't know much about them but if you like them then i'll gladly learn them for you!

​PAIRING » the boyz x gn!reader (not proofread one again 😭) TROPE/AU » established relationship au!, non-idol au!, smau! (text messages!) GENRE »​ most fluff out of all imo, barely any angst, ah maybe changmin's one is a bit angsty??, JUYEON WHY ARE YOU SO CUTE---, kevin and reader praying for each other 🥺 (i find this really comforting and cute to be honest), confident (and cute) boyfriend chanhee hehe, changmin is really thinking (cause i think he's that type of person). WORD COUNT » 395​ ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~2 mins (for all) WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » mentions of religion in kevin's

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 hyung line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

second one hehe! make sure to check out the hyung line that i released a few minutes ago!! maknae line should be up after around the estimated reading time from now!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 hyung line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@heemingyu

thank you sm for reading!! 🥺 big hugs to you 🫂

"what do you think of flowers/bouquets?" | tbz hyung line

you mean what i think about you?

​PAIRING » the boyz x gn!reader (not proofread 😭 are we surprised?) TROPE/AU » established relationship au!, non-idol au!, smau! (text messages) GENRE »​ FLUFFY BOYFIE TBZ HYUNG LINE, with some angst, sangyeon is a very thoughtful boyfriend (and when's it my turn?), jacob to the rescue!!, younghoon is crying (I'M SORRY---), hyunjae's really...maximum comfort and hurt/comfort honestly (i love that man) WORD COUNT » 389​ ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~2 mins (for all) WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » none!

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 98 line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

it's hard to explain how this is part of the 'especially to you...' series but the tl;dr is that flowers are very related to me and i've always thought about them as a being and how similar i can be to them and so, this was born!

also these took way longer than i thought 😭 and this is what i call: dunning-kruger effect in full motion 😭😭😭😭😭😭

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 98 line 🤍 maknae line 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@heemingyu

that's him, that's just who he is | tbz choi chanhee | new

"At least between us both,” the camera shutters and you take a shaky inhale, “one of us took the right path.”

​PAIRING » tbz choi chanhee (new) x gn!reader (proofread twice—lmk if i made a mistake!)​ TROPE/AU » ​friends 2 strangers, highschool au!, non-idol au!, idol au! (chanhee towards the end) GENRE​ » angsty angst angst, unread messages, comforting friendship, supporting friendship, you both attend the same music academy, you both are preparing to become celebrities/idols! WORD COUNT » 4168 (no seriously, 2k word limit who?) ESTIMATED READING TIME » 15 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » financial difficulties, stress relating to: money, music, balancing friendships-work-school, upwards comparisons, failure at achieving dream job (reader's side), unsupportive teachers

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

my third story! i take it back when i said that the second is my favourite story because this is my new (no pun intended) favourite story. i had to stop multiple times because it hit me too many times 🥹👍

well...the self insert is really real here 🫂 and this got seriously personal (let's see how many times i say this with this series 👀)

big respect to chanhee for balancing his education, preparing to be an idol and having a part time job 🫂 i respect him so much

thank you for reading honey bee ☘️🐝 @sanaxo-o and happiest birthday to you!! this story isn't much of a gift since you've read it before but there is the other one hehe 💕

Unlike most of your other lessons, this one passed by as quickly as a blink of an eye. It might be because the air conditioner in the room was set to the perfect temperature or the way the tie around your collar didn’t suffocate you too much or maybe, it was the way that you were practically showered with a bunch of compliments as soon as you took a deep breath from your diaphragm, lifted your cheekbones and sung your heart out.

Swiftly, you smile at the affirming nods that your teacher gave you, writing down her notes to the three-minute performance that you were assigned to for the last month. Across the whole month, you recall the way the tip of the pen scratches the plastic board vigorously, tapping rapidly and furiously throughout the longest three minutes of your life. Usually, you would be assigned a new song every three weeks or have two songs to practice for five weeks. On the times that you didn’t succeed, it would be a hell lot of criticism, tears and punches on the wall as soon as you exited the small studio. Heck, even with the times when the tears made it out in the room, you could tell that even though she toned down her volume, those eyes looked at you no further than disinterest—sometimes she would unmistakably roll her eyes too.

It has always been in short, sickening.

Those were the times that you wanted to just rip out your vocal cords, swear that you would never sing again, not that you even could at that point, and run away from the one thing that gave you life in your tiring days.

“Pick a song.”

The statement made your head slightly crane forward towards your suddenly easygoing teacher. You let out a confusing hum and question to which she responds with an amused smile.

“I can…choose?”

“You can’t truly be a singer if you don’t know what songs fit you best or if you need someone to pick what songs you should sing. You don’t have to choose a challenging song yet. You’ve been singing for the past half year and you’re good at it, but you really only found your style recently and I would rather you focus on further developing it.” She shrugs leisurely after, “It’s up to you though.”

Either way, I’m still going to get paid.

Numerous song titles juggle in your mind, the different lyrics and tunes playing in your head as the memories of your lives flash through their respective melodies. However, it wasn’t easy for your mouth to announce any of the songs, your mind thinking of all the technicalities within each song that would definitely challenge the fragile, insecure side of you.

But art is a special type of hobby.

It’s one of those hobbies that no one would ever be able to ‘perfect’. Somebody would always criticise and pick it apart ruthlessly—and you would always have to pick up their words and carry them deep within your heart.

“Are you sure?” The way that she tilts her head to the side after writing down your choice says everything.

But you stood your ground.

You’ve been in love with this song for so long and all you wanted to do was to learn it properly. Who knows when you’ll be given the chance to pick again? So, with the bravest smile and the most convincing nod that your shaking body could give, she does her final notes on that worn-out notebook of hers. She also recites your homework and expectations for the next lesson before excusing your presence from the room.

You couldn't wait to scream the excitement out of your body, tell your parents and your best friend about what just happened, analyse the song and its technical aspec—

"I just don't think you'll make it."

You halt your steps and your journey. For such a good music academy, these rooms seriously needed thicker walls. You were genuinely surprised that you were still able to focus on your lessons (most of the time) through all the electric guitar, drum kits and unfortunately, other singers who were unable to hit those certain high notes.

It's times like these that you wish the academy could invest in their building more. You were lucky that your lesson room is located at the end of the hallway meaning that your criticism could only be heard by you, the teacher and maybe the two rooms in front and beside yours.

Chanhee wasn't so fortunate, being at the very front, the first door on the left. It left him vulnerable. The voice cracks, the times when he would go off tune or the rare times when he missed his count. It would all mercilessly be heard by anyone who would pass by just to go to the toilet or refill their empty, cold coffee mug.

You stood next to the wall where the glass doors of the lesson door, biting your bottom lip and you noticed how Chanhee wouldn’t even say anything to his teacher’s words. You could imagine how he had his head hung low, nodding occasionally at the words and was forced to repeat the same line over and over and over again until he got it right. You prayed silently in your heart and mind that time would go quicker for him so that he could walk out, breathe in some fresh air and take a break from the suffocating practice room.

When the door clicks open, Chanhee has that tired, sad smile to you that he gives most of the time. Your eyebrows fell a little but you were still able to give him an encouraging one back.

“No?” You asked even though you very much knew the answer.

“No.” He quietly affirms after a short pause.

“I’m still proud of you though.” Just like any other day at school, after lessons or any other time, you lightly punch his shoulder, him chuckling and shoving you back. “I guess…that’s why they’re called ‘lessons’ after all.”

The realisation of your words made Chanhee groan. Lessons that are made throughout a lifetime—one that he has been attending for a year and a half unlike you who only started at the start of the year. He gave up his time with his friends, time to study which most of society thinks is the best way to secure a well-financed job, and gave up his money to buy clothes for himself that he just walked past whenever he knew he would get tempted. All those part-time jobs, ones that would go late into the still busy nights of Seoul or the ones early in the morning before school when most people would still be snoring, were all done with his dream that someday his voice would be heard by the world.

“How did yours go?”

You know that you should just be truthful. You both have been stuck to the hip for the last few years and Chanhee is not an easy person to deceive. Plus, you need to take into consideration as well of lying at this current moment. You didn’t want Chanhee to think that you were trying to make him feel better by potentially pitying him. What good would that bring to anyone right now in this situation? That’s not what friends do.

“I was given a chance to choose a song.” The small genuine, congratulatory smile that Chanhee gives makes you relax your back into the wall further, the tension easing away from your body. “I also managed to get through that vocal run that I’ve been agonising and crying to you about for the past week.” You slump your body against the wall as you recall your homework, “But she gave me more scales to use as runs for practice.”

“Scales really do suck.” Chanhee whispers to you teasingly, once again getting pushed by you.

“Yeah.” You acknowledge shortly after. “But it does help me with my breathing and flexibility which I highly suck at.”

“Hey,” he scolds your words lightly, “at least you have a distinctive sound and know how to put emotions according to the sound. My teacher just said I sound generic.”

Yes. That description for Chanhee—no, just any singer—is weird and you would dare to say, highly misleading.

If we’re talking about musical terms, every single singer has a unique timbre. Even if the note stays the same, every person will have a different tone colour because well, every person is different. Saying that a singer has a generic voice, highly contradicts the definite concept of instrument timbre.

You know how much this troubled Chanhee even though he tries his best to hide it. The comments about his timbre have been repeated so many times that it’s got to him a lot. In the beginning, he would just smile bitterly and indicate that he wouldn’t want to talk about the lesson, kicking the group of stones on the pathway to release his anger. However, as you both grew closer after an assigned duet performance, he was able to open up to you little by little, slowly but surely, keeping the friendship that grew even after you did your ending bow to the audience. He would still hide a little bit of his feelings to himself, embarrassed that he would talk about himself even though you reassured him that it was completely fine.

To him, how others see him is the most important thing for him. From the compliments that would grow the contagious smile on his face, to the heartbreaking crying scenes that he would hide from the rest of the world, all those words he took to heart so that he could improve himself as a person—and in this case, as an artist. In this harsh world, the words that would be spat out by teachers would be so deeply etched in a person’s heart that all of a sudden, giving up everything that they have worked so hard for would be easier done.

It’s during those times that you and Chanhee would lean on each other, reassuring each other not to run away from the weekly lessons and giving comfort after each one. Chanhee is internally grateful for the times that you would hold his shoulders, lightly shaking his frail, tired body before giving him words of encouragement. He would do a similar thing for you when you feel like you didn’t progress, stopping your self-criticism and pushing you to keep going. To you, he would just let you cry on his shoulder as you hug him tight, patting your back calmingly.

The light snowing season greets the both of you as soon as you exit the building. For you, your next destination is home but for Chanhee, ninety-eight percent of the time it would be his job at the barbeque restaurant, the seafood restaurant or even that new Chinese restaurant that he recently just started.

Given the good results of your lesson, you selfishly wanted to have some fun but the words died down in your throat when you slightly turned your head towards your friend. His black hair still peaked out from the beanie that kept both of his ears warm, the scarf that you gifted him hid the slight downturn of his lips and the physical expression of his heavy heart. His eyelashes fluttered away the snowflakes in the cold but still bright night and his rosy cheeks only grew brighter and more evident the slower the journey to your next destination would take.

“Just a little penguin in his somewhat natural habitat?” Your attempt to get a response out from him is successful when you see his cheekbones rise—the same way that they would rise whenever he sings his heart out.

“What a way to start a conversation.”

Your heart lightens at your successful attempt, linking your right arm with his as you continue to walk down the still-shared path that makes the distance between all your worries and yourself further away. However, like all journeys, you finally arrive at that one spot.

The one that split into two different roads, unlike the one you have been walking a few minutes ago.

The right road would take you both to safety, warmth and relaxation.

The left road would force you to unlink Chanhee’s arm, sending him to the busy, loud civilisation where he would put on his apron and raise the pitch of his voice fit for customer service.

“Are you…off to work?” He senses the sadness lingering in your voice and the way your right hand tightens around his forearm even through the thick, winter clothes.

“…yeah.”

“I see.” You managed to muster a stable response tone. “Come on, I’ll drop you there.” You turn your body towards the crowd but can’t go too far due to the other set of feet that stays grounded on the worn-down, cold stone floor, “Chanhee?”

“Maybe…” Suddenly, the sky starts to sprinkle down its pretty shapes of ice. “I’m just not meant to be a singer.”

You gasp quietly, the faint white exhale slowly disappearing behind the dark background. Seeing the tears finally slide down his cheeks made you realise one thing: he’s opening up. He’s doing the thing that he has tried to hide from everyone. In tune with his emotions, your eyes started to build their layer of moisture, the wind making it harder for you to keep your tears in. You couldn’t think straight, your free arm wiping your eyes to rid the hardships from your face while trying to give Chanhee words of encouragement.

“You’re going to get ther—”

“What if you had to give up so much,” He cut you off, gasping and inhaling more air to accommodate his crying, “earn so much money, gave it away and it didn’t give you good results? Whatever it may be…An event, a trip, an investment.” His voice gradually trails off as he lists life occurrences.

You’ve thought about the same thing thousands of times, back and forth, no matter where, when and who you were with. In a world where pursuing art can be a hard, long path, what would happen if nothing good were to come out of it? All your hard work, all your money, all your time…you’ll never be able to get those back.

Is it worth it? Is it worth the gamble?

“I would probably beat myself over it.” You tried to keep your whimpers at bay as you confessed the same answer that would come back every time you went on your downward spiral, “I would most probably always question why I did what I did. If I did the event with someone, and for some reason, they were the ones that made the situation bad, then I would’ve gone back and forth, asking myself if it was worth it. Why didn’t I go alone? Why was I so scared? What was I so scared of?”

Should you move to a different academy? But your teacher is well known. Should you still do it anyway? Knowing that you had to go through many processes and hardships to even get lessons with this teacher. Even if most of the time, you felt like giving up music, surely her experience would lead you to someplace good…right?

“But then…would answering those questions lead to happiness?” Chanhee scoffs at his absurd thoughts. Tilting his head to the sky, he relishes the way the snowflakes land on his pale skin, disappearing when they touch his skin, the side branches melting into his warmth. “Even after answering the question, would you be able to know what to do next? What would it lead to?”

Even though Chanhee was the first one to cry and break down, your wails were louder the more his words resonated within you, touching the parts of your heart that you never wanted to say out loud, scared of where and how your unconscious mind would take you. With everything in him, he untangles his arms to wrap them around your neck, patting the back of your head as you cry on his shoulder. He also lets his tears soak your scarf, resting his cheek on his arm and his chapped wavering lips rubbing against the delicate wool of your scarf, trying his best to soften his cries.

“I just…” One of his hands pats your back, giving you his comfort—even though he probably needed it more than you, “Music and singing used to be happiness that could fit in my pocket. It felt secure and safe. I could just put on my earphones and I’ll feel happy.” You notice the tighter hold after, “But music grew too fast and too big for me that I couldn’t catch up with it anymore.”

You only nod to his words, knowing how much Chanhee sacrificed to pay for his lessons. Some judged him, calling him stuck up and selfish even though they knew that he was independent in his journey to become a singer. It pains you to hear those words come out as scoffs and laughter and soon enough, you hold his hand and cut ties with them all, leaving their flabbergasted faces behind.

The sky starts to cry with you both beautifully in the form of its unique icy shapes. You both watch the snowflakes disappear on the ground, on each other clothing, on your noses. Finding the strength and breath to continue, you slowly push your body away, wiping the last bit of your tears to face your best friend straight into his eyes.

“You’re going to find happiness that you can rely on, Chanhee.” You couldn’t see his lips but you were sure that it was pouting and shivering, “It may be music or it may be something that music brings you. It may be the stage or maybe people who you will come to work with or maybe the people who will cheer you on but I’m sure you’ll find it soon.”

Even with the bustling environment around you both, there was no way that you could have missed his muttering, especially with the white puff of air, “At this rate…”

He feels the weight and pressure of your palms on both his shoulders but he still looks down to the ground where the snow slowly buries the sides of his shoes, “I promise you that if you keep going, I don’t have a single doubt that you’ll find your style. Regardless of what your crappy teacher says, you’re unique and I love your voice.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.” Wiping the lone tear on his cheek, “The world is going to be amazed when they hear your voice and I'm sure you'll be a good influence to them.”

For the first time in the day, Chanhee finally smiled. You observe the way his eyes disappear into pretty little upside-down moons. His head tilts back slightly, revealing the upturned corner of his lips behind the scarf that kept him warm and his teeth shine brighter with the help of the light from the marketplace behind you. Your hands were able to finally relax and mirrored the same expression back to your now radiant friend.

“Promise me that we’ll stand on the same stage someday.”

But life plays a twisted fate on you both and loves to put more pressure than you can ever carry. Having to move to a different school and a different region is not on your list of expectations. You argued endlessly about the decision to move, feeling unfair that none of your opinions mattered to them as they relentlessly started to look for moving trucks to hire. With the good offer that your dad received and realising that the youngest in the family had no final say, you tried your best to hold back the tears when telling Chanhee the news.

He cries for you and himself, already imagining the loneliness of walking to the music academy after a long day of school and the drags of his feet across the gravel in the night after each lesson. You assured him that you would call often and unlike you, he promised you the same thing. Time told you both that your friendship was still strong despite the physical distance between you both and with time, so did both your musical skills.

The trade-off for talent in your friendship is the less frequent phone calls and text messages. It was decreasing steadily and slowly until eventually, there was no more red dot beside his name on your phone even though you're sure there would be one beside your name on his. When sadness turned into confusion, then morphed into anger, hate and bitterness whenever someone asked you about him, you still found yourself swiping through your many photos with him. Just like how he cries on your last day, you cry from the silence of him.

Thankfully, time did heal your heart even though you couldn’t find a friend like him ever again. Things have changed for you and you were sure that it was the same for Chanhee. You grew taller, changed your hairstyle, hobbies, dreams and aspirations. What time didn’t seem to change however was the delivered sign that never changed with your messages. You let it go and went on with your life.

When you did come back to Seoul, you realised that the city had changed drastically. You wondered if it’s really that or if you were just struggling to remember the city that you once walked around in every day. But unlike your thoughts, maybe Seoul did change drastically. Amid the new but still bustling environment, there was this one cafe that was incredibly packed. Needing to get away from the cold, you entered to be greeted with a well-decorated interior and the gold ‘Happy Birthday New’ balloon shines brightly, especially with the light that is right above it. Many were posing in front of the gold foil fringe backdrop.

You almost didn’t recognise the boy in the picture. You don’t remember when you took your scarf off and picked up a random framed picture in the frame before picking up another one next to it, and another one, and another one. Each showed his growth. You could tell not only from his appearance but also from the bigger stage that he performed along with ten other boys. Suddenly, it clicks and it all makes sense. Hearing everyone else around you talk about him fondly took away the heavy weight that his name brought and a new feeling overtook your heart.

For the first time in a very long time, seeing his face made you smile and it didn’t hurt.

Your phone slides into your shaking hands, swipe open the camera app from the lock screen and point it at the framed picture in your hand, “At least between us both,” the camera shutters and you take a shaky inhale, “one of us took the right path.”

You know from the laughter in the space, the feeling of the radiant energy of those around you and the happiness on people’s faces as they point their cameras to their fanmade goods and the interior of the place, that Choi Chanhee has done it. The stage looked extremely good on him, even if the light was too bright and he looked so pale sometimes.

“I’m glad it was you.”

You whisper somewhat solemnly and with a bit of jealousy. Your clenched fist is a puny attempt in trying to keep your tears from expressing the hurt that suddenly hit you as you recall that moment in your life. The multiple rejections to the companies that you auditioned for, the way people on the streets pass by more frequently as their ears and eyes are focused on other’s performances—the night where you listed all your musical instruments for sale and promised that you would never sing ever again.

“You shy, talented, loveable penguin.” And it would seem that his fans agree with the chosen animal with the pouting blue penguin on top of his head. “That’s just who you are, Chanhee.”

Maybe the fame wasn’t for you. Shortly after moving, you found out that the stage was more of a hobby, especially with how you just wanted to stand on stage but never wanted to practise and study music theory properly. You just wanted to shout out the lyrics and sentimentally sing the lyrics of existing songs instead of having your name in an album or next to the credits and royalty rights to the song. But knowing that it fit Chanhee well, it was more than enough for you. He may not have known it before but you wish with all your being that he knows his capability to make others smile, including you.

Even if your broken smile is within millions that he probably would never see from the podium that rightfully held him high.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 series introduction 🤍 series masterlist 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿@sanaxo-o @astrae4

[03:10] | the boyz kim sunwoo

Sunwoo hums to acknowledge your thoughts. "Let's try again, okay? Together this time."

​PAIRING » tbz kim sunwoo x gn!reader (fast proofread once! lmk if i missed anything!)​ TROPE/AU » ​established relationship au!, non-idol au! GENRE​ » hurt/comfort at night (morning), fluffy fluff fluff, a sprinkle of angst, sunwoo being your understanding and patient boyfriend, sunwoo tucks your hair behind your ears (i find this so so so cute), big spoon sunwoo who protects you from the world, sunwoo tries to steal your (his) clothes because he's staying the night over and can't fit in yours WORD COUNT » 1836 ESTIMATED READING TIME » ~7 mins WARNINGS (lmk if i missed anything!) » reader has trouble sleeping, reader has a history of taking prescribed melatonin, mentions of unsupportive family, reader has medium to long hair, sunwoo is physically bigger and taller

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 part of 'especially to you...'

thank you for reading and helping with genres/warnings @sohnric !!

something that i wrote up back late december 2023 but only releasing today because it marks day 100 since i had my last melatonin pill. taking melatonin pills everyday since 2021 has had a toll on my body and i see the effects that it has on my body even more after stopping. with it, my body clock somewhat matches the time frame that society 'accepts'. without it, the birds chirp first and even though sleeping at 5-6am is exhausting, i tell myself to keep pushing on.

for another note, this story is not written to influence the audience into thinking that taking medication is bad! please take your medication properly and on time! do not be influenced and swayed by society for your health!

please always stay healthy and i'm rooting for you! hang in there! you can do this!!

You didn't need to look at the clock to know what time it was at night—or should you say at this point, day. 

You were thankful that Sunwoo wasn't asleep yet or on a call with his friends when you sent him a message, asking if he was able to come over. You debated even texting him at first, seeing that it was past midnight but you remember the time he bent down to look at you at eye level, hugging your lips with his before pulling away and telling you to always send him a message if you ever needed him at any time and anywhere.

At that point, all your worries washed away as it was the exact words that you needed to hear from your loving boyfriend.

As soon as Sunwoo read and replied to your message, it took him less than ten minutes to appear on the other side of your window—but it took you a second quicker than him to open the said window before he could knock on its frame as all you did after you turned off your phone was put your arms around your legs, resting your chin on your raised knees and watch the mocking moon in the sky.

It was so high on a cloudless night that your stomach churned with anxiety and the truth that time waits for none kicks you in the gut devastatingly. The physical time tells society to sleep and wake up because that's the universal time to keep the world going. The long hand ticks in your head while the short one follows bit by bit—like a bomb that explodes when everyone greets you a ‘goodnight’. Your body has always run at a different time and even though the moon gives so much light and comfort to the night for some, it only serves as a grim reminder for you that your seven o'clock alarm will ring in less than four hours. 

It's heartbreaking to realise your perception of the ray of light in the black night that you used to be excited for has changed as you grew older.

"Hey..." Sunwoo keeps you close to his body as soon as he jumps inside your room. One hand holds the back of your head gently, the other wrapping around your waist. He dips his head down to press a kiss to your forehead, a little smile against your skin on his soft lips, "You're okay. It'll be okay."

"I can't fall asleep, Woo..." Your hand harshly grips the leather material of his jacket at the sides of his body and the shape of your nails is most probably imprinted on his daily outwear by the number of times you've done this.

Sunwoo hums to acknowledge your thoughts. "Let's try again, okay? Together this time." His fingers that run through your hair leave you slightly breathless and you try to focus on his careful and slow action towards you, successfully easing your racing thoughts. "I'm here now, bubs."

The smile on his face grew when you nodded against his chest, still burying your face into his chest and to breath in his comforting scent that always seemed to calm your whole body. Delighted and relieved at your response, Sunwoo begins to sway his body from side to side, singing a gentle tune with his mellow singing voice that you love. He alternates between singing the romantic words straight to your ears and humming the words out as he presses multiple kisses on the parts of your face that he can reach.

"Were you sleeping when I messaged you?" You whisper guiltily to his chest.

"Don't worry about those little things." Sunwoo continued humming after. When he finishes singing the last note, your hands no longer hold onto his jacket for dear life, instead just leisurely around his waist. He pulls away just enough to finally face you in the limited light that your nightlamp gave. "Hi there, bubs."

The way Sunwoo says the pet name that you adore so much makes your heart break a little bit. You could tell at a glance that his eyelids were heavy, that he was probably trying to fight the yawn from his song and that his legs were probably trying their best not to fall asleep. Sunwoo quietly observes your trembling lips and he picks up the high possibility that you were most probably conflicted in your thoughts.

It still haunts you more than the moon outside; more than any horror movies or the amusement horror houses you’ve been in. Maybe it’s because, during all those situations, you had someone beside you. But it’s inevitable once again when your eyes won’t close that you think of the scene in the dining room. When that one artificial light hangs on the ceiling in the middle of the dining table, the square sides taken up by the other members of your family, you will never forget the disbelief and scoffs of disgust when you told them about the small white circle in the palm of your hand that your doctor prescribed.

"I'm so sorry. Maybe I should've just taken the medic—"

"Don't be like this to yourself." The moonlight behind your boyfriend highlights the tears that roll down your pale cheeks. Your heavy, shaky inhales are what prompts Sunwoo to bring yourself back to the present time. "I want to be here, okay? I want to take care of you." Your cold cheeks met the warmth of his palms, his thumbs brushing across the underside of your eyes to wipe your tears away while the rest tucked the lone strands of your hair behind your ears. "If you don't want to take the pills then you don't have to. Please don't be sorry for anything."

"But you're so tired..." It's a miracle that the sentence was comprehendable though it did break multiple times along the way.

He keeps his reassuring eye contact with you when he shakes his head, "You must be more tired than I am." 

You whimper at his thoughts, biting your bottom lip to keep your cries from growing any louder. Sunwoo shakes his head once more, resting his forehead on yours and whispering sweet nothings to you delicately. His thumb lands on the outline of your bottom lip before lightly pulling it down to free it from the pain you were inflicting on yourself. When your cries did break out from your lips, restrains fully gone, your boyfriend's kind heart completely breaks.

Sunwoo takes your breath away by giving you his own when he tilts your head slightly to meet his plump lips. He drinks all your sorrows, cupping your jawline to bring you closer, the sides of your nose brushing against each other. Your lips stop trembling, focusing on the love and patience that he gives you. Your hands unclasp from his back, moving to curl and envelop his wrists, resting the pads of your thumbs on his to feel his calming heartbeat. The muscles that made your eyebrows furrow relaxed with the way that Sunwoo held you so carefully in the now-broken, silent night.

Sunwoo learns from the number of times that you have called him in this situation that showing you gestures like these are the fastest and most effective way to ease your mind and ground yourself. His heart does little loops and jumps every time before he kisses you but he is more focused on making you feel better than anything. As much as it makes him happy to know that he's the only one who could give you the loving gesture, nothing beats the feeling of knowing that you will always feel better and be in a better state of mind afterwards.

The boy pulls away eventually, scanning your face to look for any discomfort. When he found none, his thumbs continued to brush over your skin for a little while more, trailing a series of kisses from your forehead, the shape of your nose, your eyelids that protect his favourite pair of eyes to your precious lips that his own would never get enough of.

"May need to borrow some clothes, bubs." An eyebrow raises from him and a teasing grin makes its way to his face, "Even though ‘borrow’ is a weird word as it’s mine in the first place." A chuckle fills your room melodically. "Will you lend me my clothes?"

"And if I say no?" You did a little nose scrunch, pouting after.

Sunwoo is not the strongest soldier, especially not to your cute actions that sent his heart beating erratically against his chest when your sparkling eyes met his. "Bubs, I'm not going to fit in your clothes. Even if I could, I don't think you would like it when you get it back all stretched."

"I have oversized too, you know."

"You mean my clothes that are oversized on you."

Your eyes smile at the short conversation and Sunwoo's heart feels full and content, relieved to see the beautiful sight that he has always wished you would have in long nights like these.

After Sunwoo changes, you both cover your bodies with your weighted duvet. Just like before, he holds you close to his body, resting an arm for you to lay on before bending it up to soothingly run his fingers across your scalp. You smile contently, hiding your face to his chest, pressing a kiss on his jawline.

"I'll be here when you wake up. I promise."

Just like every time as an act of 'goodbye' or 'goodnight', you relish the forehead kiss that goes on for slightly longer than all the other forehead kisses. After a date and a long day, you would always pout and beg for another one, not wanting to leave his side yet. But on nights like these, when his arms would spoon your figure and you would hug his other free arm, you wouldn't need to pucker your lips to him, knowing well that it's a 'goodnight' and not a 'goodbye'.

"I love you so much, bubs."

"I love you so much too." You push your body up a little bit, careful not to crush the arm beneath you and press a final kiss to his lips before trying to reset your body clock for another day. "Thank you for coming, Woo."

"Anytime and anywhere. Never forget that."

Sunwoo did fall asleep first but his presence with his little snores and the warm exhale from his lips comforted you greatly. Your head seems to agree with your heart because when your eyelids become heavy and sleep finally overtakes your body, you're glad that the last thing two things you see before drifting off to one of the best sleeps in your life, are the sight of your intertwined hands between your bodies and the thought that you're blessed to have Sunwoo who loves you so much and so dearly. 

Wrapped in patient love, the seven o’clock alarm didn’t seem scary to you anymore.

navi/masterlist!! 🤍 'especially to you...' tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @sanaxo-o