This Goes So Well, Had A Chuckle At The Caption

This goes so well, had a chuckle at the caption 😂

How do army realise these things? 😅

THIS IS AN ANGST MASTERPIECE!!

Seriously, if you love angst, with sprinkles of toxic, unrequited love, smut, OC being clueless to the devastation she leaves in her wake, then you will absolutely love this story.

This is a story about what can go wrong with an open relationship or inviting a third person into your relationship and your bedroom.

This story is so good, you won’t be disappointed if you are an angst fan!

I punish myself when I read angst but ugh it’s sooo good! I can’t help it!

So give it a read, you won’t be disappointed 😉

Sinful Lust | Masterpost (myg & jjk)

☆summary: in an attempt to spice up your bedroom life with your boyfriend Min Yoongi, you suggest bringing another man into the action. Yoongi seems reluctant at first, but when you mention his friend Jeon Jungkook, he can’t deny his attraction. All that’s left to do is to convince Jungkook into participating...

☆status: completed

☆pairing: bisexual boyfriend!Yoongi x female!reader x Jungkook

☆rating: 18+ (MINORS DNI)

☆genre: snippets of life!au, smut, angst

☆total word count: 71.9k

☆a/n: Yeah so. This is pure filth. And then pure angst, and more filth. And then angst with a big A. You'll hate me, and you'll love it (at least I hope so) (it does involve cheating tho so beware if cheating is a trigger to you). Thank you @moonleeai as always for beta-ing this fic <3

☆a/n pt2: I do not own BTS or any of the members. I do not know what they are like irl (I do not claim to know their personalities, sexual orientations, beliefs, etc.). This fic is just a work of fiction, so please keep that in mind while reading

☆add yourself to the taglist here

☆☆☆☆☆

➳ Teaser

➳ Chapter one: when it starts (10.4k)

I know you want it.

➳ Chapter two teaser

➳ Chapter two: when you can't resist after a dinner with friends (9.4k)

Shut up before I change my mind.

➳ Chapter three: when you establish ground rules (12.4k)

You think you deserve it?

➳ Chapter four: when Jungkook questions everything (8.6k)

And what about you and Yoongi?

➳ Chapter five: when the unforgivable happens (8.3k)

I didn't want you to be alone.

➳ Chapter six: when it breaks (12.5k)

Well, I guess this is it.

➳ Chapter seven: a year later (10.1k)

You really loved her, didn't you?

☆☆☆☆☆

All rights belong to @/oddinary4bts, 2023, 2024. Do not copy, translate or repost

Part two coming soon 💜 I’m writing it at the moment, it’s a graduation ceremony special!

Thank you for those who have read it so far, means a lot to me 🫶🏻

Then I might do a future epilogue later

S͟a͟v͟a͟g̲e͟ L͟o͟v͟e͟

Pairing: Jimin X OC. Jungkook X OC

Length: 10,000+ words

Rating: 15+ (it has no sexual activity or extreme violence, but has adult themes like cheating, toxic relationship, pregnancy and swearing, some mention of sexual themes but not graphic)

TW/Content: Angsty,angsty fluff, sadness, anger, mild violence (punching), depression, low self esteem, toxic relationship, hateful words, gaslighting, emotionally abusive, jealousy, mentally abusive, arguing and shouting, OC is chubby, unrequited love (but not really), male best friend is always there, clueless best friends, cheating, pregnancy (not OC) fluffy best friend, swearing, bad body image, Angst with happy ending, feelings exposed.

Kissing and hugging, mention of sexual things but no actual sexual content.

(Maybe in a part two if I feel like it)

But Jungkook has soft dom energy in the the way he talks to her and treats her.

OC and Jimin being savage loves in their own ways.

Genre: Angst, Toxic relationship, break up, angsty with a happy ending. Best friends being clueless.

Authors note: Not proof read but checked quickly by myself, was written in a day so it just flew out of my head.

Capitals means they are shouting or screaming at each other, which meant that when she tells Jimin off she is really MAD!

Wanted to prove I could write something without the story getting sexual or yandere etc. And I would SHARE IT!

Sorry about the font, but not going over it to change it now. Had trouble with copy and paste, but I like it this way!

========================================

F͟l͟a͟s͟h͟b͟a͟c͟k͟

"𝑰'𝒎 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅...."

𝑨 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔, 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑰𝑪𝑬!!! 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲!!!"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒐 𝒖𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑺𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒆𝒓, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕!"

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒙𝒂𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅.

𝑰'𝒎 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏? 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏'𝒕 𝒊 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚?! 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏! 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆!!"

𝑰 𝒚𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆, 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆.

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒊'𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉.

"𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆! 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅! 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔! 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕!!“

𝑯𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒎𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒆𝒈𝒈𝒚 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅.

"𝑬𝑿𝑪𝑼𝑺𝑬 𝑴𝑬! 𝑰𝑻 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑨 𝑶𝑵𝑬 𝑵𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑱𝑰𝑴𝑰𝑵!! 𝑶𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑬𝑺!"

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒆.

"𝑺𝒉𝒖𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆!"

𝑯𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚.

"𝑰 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑺𝑯𝑼𝑻 𝑼𝑷!! 𝑺𝑯𝑬 𝑫𝑬𝑺𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑬𝑺 𝑻𝑶 𝑲𝑵𝑶𝑾!!"

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒎𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅𝒍𝒚.

𝑷𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏....𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕!!

"𝑰 𝑺𝑨𝑰𝑫 𝑺𝑯𝑼𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝑼𝑷!!"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒉 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚.

𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒉𝒚𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒂 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒆’𝒔 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒑𝒉𝒚𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆!

"𝑯𝑶𝑾 𝑫𝑨𝑹𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑮𝑬𝑻 𝑰𝑵 𝑴𝒀 𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑬!!"

𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎.

"𝑫𝒐 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏! 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕!!"

𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌.

"𝑰'𝒎 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑨𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏'𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑯𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒗𝒐𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒂𝒈𝒐. 𝑯𝒆 𝒌𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕"

𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲𝑺 𝑺𝑨𝑲𝑬 𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑫𝒀!!! 𝑰 𝑺𝑨𝑰𝑫 𝑰 𝑾𝑶𝑼𝑳𝑫 𝑻𝑬𝑳𝑳 𝑯𝑬𝑹!!"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅, 𝒔𝒐 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒆.

𝑴𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔, 𝒊'𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒑𝒔𝒆, 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊'𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒄 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒌.

𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒂𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝑻𝒂𝒆𝒉𝒚𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒈𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏.

𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒔, 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊'𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆.

𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝑰 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏?

𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑨𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔, 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒖𝒅𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍!

"𝑺𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒆?"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

"𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚, 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑰 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑺𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏, 𝑰 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒈𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒈𝒐 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒃𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒊 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅.."

𝑯𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒈𝒂𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏.

𝑰 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒏𝒂𝒑!

"𝑫𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕! 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑱𝑰𝑴𝑰𝑵! 𝑰 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑯𝑨𝑻𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼!! 𝑮𝑬𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑳 𝑨𝑾𝑨𝒀 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑴 𝑴𝑬!! 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑫𝑰𝑫 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑬!! 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑻𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑴𝑬 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑻 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑴𝑨𝑫𝑬 𝑴𝑬 𝑭𝑬𝑬𝑳 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑻! 𝑰 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑩𝑬𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑬 𝑰 𝑴𝑬𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼!!“

𝑰 𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆.

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒏𝒂𝒑 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅.

"𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒌! 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒃𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒎. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕, 𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓'𝒔! 𝑺𝒍𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅, 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔. 𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏, 𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑺𝑻𝑫'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒔𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅. 𝑯𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇! 𝑩𝒆𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒆! 𝑩𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓!"

𝑰 𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏, 𝑰 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰'𝒎 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆.

"𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫𝑩𝒀𝑬 𝑱𝑰𝑴𝑰𝑵! 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑶𝑾 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑬 𝑨𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫 𝑴𝑬 𝑨𝑮𝑨𝑰𝑵! 𝑰'𝑴 𝑨𝑩𝑺𝑶𝑳𝑼𝑻𝑬𝑳𝒀 𝑫𝑶𝑵𝑬!!"

𝑰 𝒔𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒂𝒃𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈.

"𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑯 𝑮𝑶 𝑭𝑰𝑵𝑫 𝑱𝑼𝑵𝑮𝑲𝑶𝑶𝑲 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑨𝑳𝑾𝑨𝒀𝑺 𝑫𝑶! 𝑰'𝑴 𝑺𝑼𝑹𝑬 𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳 𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑭𝑬𝑬𝑳 𝑩𝑬𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑹!! 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑩𝑨𝑩𝑳𝒀 𝑩𝑬𝑬𝑵 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑯𝑰𝑴 𝑨𝑵𝒀𝑾𝑨𝒀, 𝑰 𝑪𝑨𝑵 𝑻𝑬𝑳𝑳 𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑻𝑶 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑯𝑶𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑬!! 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑫𝑬𝑭𝑰𝑵𝑰𝑻𝑬𝑳𝒀 𝑾𝑨𝑺𝑵'𝑻 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑴𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑻 𝑺𝑰𝑿 𝑴𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑯𝑺!!"

𝑯𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑫𝑶𝑵'𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑨𝑳𝑲 𝑨𝑩𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑱𝑼𝑵𝑮𝑲𝑶𝑶𝑲 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑻!!! 𝑴𝑨𝒀𝑩𝑬 𝑰 𝑺𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑳𝑫 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑮𝑶𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑵 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑯𝑰𝑴 𝑩𝑬𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑬 𝑰 𝑴𝑬𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼, 𝑺𝑶 𝑰 𝑾𝑶𝑼𝑳𝑫 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑮𝑶𝑻 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑨𝑺𝑺! 𝑨𝑺 𝑯𝑬'𝑺 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑨 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑳 𝑴𝑨𝑵 𝑨𝑪𝑻'𝑺 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬! 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑺𝑬𝑹𝑰𝑨𝑳 𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮, 𝑬𝑴𝑶𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑳𝒀 𝑨𝑩𝑼𝑺𝑰𝑽𝑬, 𝑮𝑨𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑨𝑺𝑺!! 𝑰 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑶𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑵 𝑻𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑮𝑯 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑫𝑬𝑺𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑬𝑫 𝑰𝑻!! 𝑺𝑶 𝑲𝑬𝑬𝑷 𝑴𝒀 𝑩𝑬𝑺𝑻 𝑭𝑹𝑰𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑺 𝑵𝑨𝑴𝑬 𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑶𝑭 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑺𝑻𝑫 𝑹𝑰𝑫𝑫𝑬𝑵 𝑴𝑶𝑼𝑻𝑯!! 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫𝑩𝒀𝑬 𝑨𝑺𝑺𝑯𝑶𝑳𝑬!“

𝑰 𝒚𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇𝒇, 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑱𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕!

𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑻𝒂𝒆𝒉𝒚𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒐𝒇𝒇, 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇𝒇.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆'𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒑𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒅𝒐, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆!

𝑰'𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒐𝒇𝒇, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎.

𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆!

========================================

All I can do is sob and I can't think of anything else, I can't sleep, I haven't showered or bathed in four days and I haven't thought of eating either, I tried to but it tastes like cardboard.

I feel like I just got out of a fever dream, one of my own stupid making.

I bet I look dreadful, I know my eyes are swollen and bloodshot and my face is definitely all puffy and red, I know I’m looking awful.

My hair is probably looking like a literal bird's nest right now and my eyes will also be looking black too from zero sleep.

I bet I look like the crypt keeper right now, but a fat one!

I muted my phone calls at first, then I turned it off where there were annoying notification sounds coming from all my social media too.

Some randoms I didn't even know had been messaging me, I know they are just trying to get the dirt on the absolute shit show that is my life right now.

I know they all filmed what has to be the most humiliating moment of my life, I hope my brother doesn't see it but I bet Jungkook heard about it from Taehyung who was there too.

So that means Jin probably does know.

I don’t want any lectures or pity parties.

I cringe knowing that everyone is gonna say I told you so, but really they all don't know the truth of why I stayed with him.

Someone was banging on my door for half an hour yesterday but I didn't answer it, just in case it was Jimin.

As I didn't want to see him or listen to his gaslighting ass.

He tried knocking on the door and calling all day Sunday after his baby momma and her friend had told me what he had done.

This is the thing he couldn't ever fix, not this time...It's permanent.

And my toxic nightmare is finally over...It’s finally done.

Why does he always do this to me?

He always cheats on me and then comes back telling me that he was wasted, drunk or the woman came onto him.

Then he manipulates me, lies, gas lights me and then cries if I don't listen to his apologies.

He knows how much it messes with my head, with my body image, especially when the women are tall, model looking and slim.

I'm short and also chubby, I wear glasses and wear cute and comfortable clothes, not short tight dresses.

Someone is currently banging on my door again and I just pull the quilt over my head trying to hide from the whole world.

I can hear someone shouting but I just put my hands over my ears and hum childishly under the blankets wanting the shouting and banging to stop.

When the banging stops I sigh, why don't they get that I don't want anyone's pity or fake sad faces, I don't want anyone asking me bullshit questions under the guise of being nice just so they can get the tea about my trauma.

And I definitely don't want to see Jimin.

I don't want to talk about how my heart has been ripped from my chest and stomped on, and not just by Jimin.

Or how there is no coming back from this, no lie or manipulation can make this go away, it's the permanent kind of mistake that I don't want to live with or have to deal with, not anymore.

I can't keep my mind occupied from what really torments me, I usually distract my mind with the drama Jimin brings me but not anymore, this is too much.

Jimin made his bed and he can damn well lay in it, we are done and I'm finally grieving the utter disappointment, disaster and despair that my relationship with him has been.

This whole relationship has damaged my soul and will leave a permanent mark.

Toxic wasn't a strong enough word to describe what our relationship was.

When I jumped into this relationship it was to forget someone else, but it never worked.

I’d never have to be there waiting for him to come home from the club anymore, or knowing I’m sleeping alone yet again.

Calling him only to get voicemail again or texting and seeing that he’s left me on read for the thousandth time.

Having people DM me to tell me that they are sleeping with Jimin or that they have just seen Jimin cheating with someone.

Or the multiple women’s scents lingering on his clothes, the occasional makeup smears on his shirt.

The marks he insists are scratches or pinch marks from working out.

My heart is no longer in my chest and I feel hollow and empty, but I also feel a strange calm, a feeling of relief that I can finally break free from this toxic and painful farce of a relationship.

It's cathartic and it feels like I have broken free from him mentally, emotionally and physically.

I'm grieving the painful loss but I'm scared of being alone after all my friends left or betrayed me because of him and of course some left because of me staying with him after his cheating.

It's been three years of me eating away my sorrows, crying into my best friend's arms, getting medication to deal with my depression and anxiety because of the pain and suffering.

Three years of my body looking worse and me not caring about my appearance anymore, because that's how I feel inside...Worthless and hollow.

Like I would never deserve or get the man I really wanted, he’s proven time and time again that he only wants to be my best friend.

When I think about it I don't ever remember a time when Jimin wasn't hurting me or making me feel like a piece of garbage.

Our honeymoon period was about six months and then it went to shit, then I found out he had cheated.

My friends all warned me away from him when I was in my first year of college and I should have listened, I was stupid and thought I could see the best in people.

One by one my friends had arguments with me about him, lost interest because of my depression and me not going out much anymore, or they slept with Jimin too.

The only ones I still see are my brother Seokjin and my best friend Jungkook, even though they don't see me as much due to them having arguments with Jimin about how he treats me.

Taehyung is sometimes still around due to Jungkook and Jin though.

But I don't see Yoongi or Namjoon anymore because they detest Jimin.

I have lost count of the amount of times Jin had Jimin by his shirt threatening to punch his lights out.

Jungkook punched him once for sleeping with my other best friend Sharmin, they were doing it behind my back for six months.

This was at the beginning of the second year of our relationship.

My other childhood friend Denise slept with him on a drunken night out too, it was the night that I went to my auntie's wedding with Jin and Jungkook.

Jimin didn't want to come to the wedding with me because my family really hates him and he refused to be judged by them.

I wasn't aware that they all knew he was a cheater because Jin had told them.

That incident with Denise was the first time I was aware of him cheating on me, others already knew he was a cheater and they all tried to shield me from it.

They tried to force Jimin to break up with me but he never did, he would just goad them and tell them to fuck off.

It’s why Yoongi had punched him, he was vile about it and had got up in Yoongi’s face too.

The others knew because they had caught Jimin in the act multiple times, they had all threatened him, had him by the throat and had even punched him.

A mutual friend called Taehyung took a picture of them kissing in the club that night and had sent it to Jungkook’s phone, who totally gave it away by the look on his face and I found out because I grabbed his phone feeling worried for him.

It was then that he told me everything and explained how it wasn't the first time, I also found out that day that Jimin was cheating on me the whole time.

He promised to change and I believed him like a stupid idiot, I clung to a useless pipe dream.

Should've known better.

Jungkook has been my best friend since we were six and we have both grown up together, we went through our teens learning and making mistakes.

We had shared our first kiss when we were 13, a peck and it was a dare at a sleepover and Jungkook was a little awkward for a few weeks after but we got over it.

Both of us started having a rebellious stage when we were both sixteen.

We were bunking off school and daring each other to do things, getting drunk and smoking weed.

We once went skinny dipping because of a dare and another time I had to flash him, we had our first French kiss together at 16 too and we made out grinding on each other when we were wasted too, but Jungkook obviously didn't remember it because he got a girlfriend two weeks later.

We are the kind of friends who are comfortable cuddling and sharing a bed, telling each other our secrets and dreams.

I had a huge crush on him all through my childhood and teen years, by the time I was sixteen I knew that I was totally in love with him.

I lamented the whole thing and tortured myself about telling him, I was worried that I would lose him.

I was finally going to tell him on my seventeenth birthday after my other friend Denise told me to go for it, but a few days before I was going to surprise him he got a girlfriend and my heart literally broke into pieces.

I stayed being his friend and had to watch him be with another girl, so I had to learn to separate my crush from my friendship.

The only boyfriend I have ever had was Jimin.

I told Jungkook I had a boyfriend when he asked me what the surprise was but I didn't have one.

I lied when he got his first girlfriend and wasn't spending as much time with me, by the time he finished with the girl I just said I split up with the fake boyfriend.

I also lied and told him I had sex with that boyfriend before I met Jimin, I didn't though.

He was disappointed at me for staying with Jimin and our relationship suffered a lot because he would get angry at me every time I forgave Jimin.

Jungkook would argue with me, with our hurt feelings he would stay away for a few days, then come back knowing how hurt I would be to lose him too.

========================================

I panic when I hear the keys unlock my front door, wondering who the hell would have the spare keys.

Who would be able to get them from my mother?

I hope it's not Seokjin as he will kill Jimin this time and I don't want him to get arrested due to me.

I grip on to my quilt when I hear the footsteps approaching, I don't want anyone to see me like this.

"Princess?"

I breath hitches immediately and I hear him sigh, he tries to pull the quilt from me.

"Baby, come on it's okay, let me see you"

I pull the quilt from my head and my lip quivers when he looks down to me with sad eyes.

"Oh my Princess, come here"

He pulls me into his arms and I straddle him crying my heart out, he smooths my back softly rocking me.

"It's okay Baby, it's gonna be okay. I'm here now and I'm gonna take care of my Princess"

Jungkook has come like he usually does. Why does he always come to save me, comfort me and look after me?

I don't deserve his kindness and love.

He's had to put up with this kind of shit for the three years of me being with Jimin and he still hasn't left this friendship.

"I heard from Taehyung that you had a huge argument in college with Jimin, he only picked up some details, I'm so sorry Baby. You don't deserve this kind of pain, my Princess. I tried calling you and texting and you didn't answer, I got really worried when you didn't answer the door to me Baby. I had to go get the keys from momma when you didn't answer the phone or the door"

He caresses my hair as he carries on gently rocking me, he's always called my Mother momma too.

"He...He...J-Jungkook..He..I.."

That's it I start sobbing again.

"It's okay Baby, you don't have to talk about it yet, don't upset yourself"

He coos at me kissing the top of my head.

"Don't cry Princess, it hurts my heart, please don't cry"

He sounds forlorn when he talks to me, it’s like he is in pain too.

My cries eventually turn into shudders and I calm down.

I must have fallen asleep in his arms because when I open my eyes again it's dark outside.

He must be stiff from holding me in the same position for so long.

"Are you awake?"

I hear him whisper and I nod into his chest.

"Shall we get you something to eat, and don't say no because I know you haven't ate anything in days, I know you by now"

He quietly says into my hair.

"Not hungry"

I mumble into his chest and he tuts at me.

"Baby, you have to eat! Now I'm gonna help sort you out and we are gonna have something to eat okay!"

Jungkook scolds me and I sigh and slowly start to nod because I know he won't take no for an answer.

"Let's run you a bath first and then get you into some comfy pyjamas, then I'm ordering us some takeaway, okay Princess"

I just mumble okay into his chest.

Jungkook places me on the sofa and goes off to run me a bath, I hear the water running and him moving about.

But being left to my own thoughts gets me crying again, by the time he comes back I'm in a state again.

"Oh my Baby! Come here!"

He says sadly pulling me into his arms picking me up, I cling to him like a koala and just sob.

I think I'm crying for many reasons, the reason I got into the relationship in the first place, the constant cheating, the outcome of said cheating, finally being done with the relationship.

How unloved, drained and damaged he has left me feeling and me feeling like I'm actually going to be free from it, it's finally over.

It's like I feel utter relief, but I'm numb because I carried on with this shit show for only one reason and now I have to live with my thoughts again, my pain.

"Come on my Princess, I'm going to help you alright. Is that okay? I won't look at you, but you need to wash and get into some clean clothes. Is that okay?"

I don't reply at first and just panic in his arms, he can't see me with no clothes on, he will be disgusted and think I look horrible.

He only saw me in underwear a few years back, once when I flashed him as a teen and once naked in the shower by mistake when I was about nineteen, I've put on weight since then.

"Princess?? Answer me! Words...Is that okay?"

Jungkook has a stern voice when he asks me and I just nod in his chest.

"Words Baby"

"Hmm okay, y-yes"

I mutter quietly.

"Okay let's go to the bathroom"

He softly replies, pecking my hair.

Jungkook puts me down and I just stare at the ground feeling flustered and embarrassed.

"Arms up Baby, good girl"

I slowly put them up and he slowly pulled my hoodie off.

Then he reaches for my t-shirt and I start to panic because I have no bra on and he is going to see my chubby belly too

Grabbing on to the bottom of my t-shirt to stop him he tuts at me.

"Princess! Are you gonna do it yourself? What's wrong?"

I shake my head and tears start to drop from my eyes.

"Y-You can't see me, I'm gross! J-Jimin said he only cheated because I've turned into a fat pig and I look disgusting! I d-don't want you to be d-disgusted by me or my fat!”

He now looks really angry with me and he cusses loudly.

"He fucking said what?! How dare he talk about my Princess like that! I'm gonna punch his lights out when I see him next!!"

Jungkook looks furious and I start worrying that he is going to get in trouble and I'm not worth getting arrested for.

"NO!! JUNGKOOK! You can't get arrested because of me! I'm not worth it!"

I panic and he just sighs at me.

"You ARE worth it! To ME you are worth it! You are my beautiful best friend and I would go to jail...for you"

He tells me with no hesitation in his voice.

"Now stop being stupid, I could NEVER be disgusted by you! Come on, I won't look! Let's get you in the tub before it gets cold"

Jungkook adds pulling my top off looking me in my eyes, my arm goes to my belly immediately but he doesn’t say anything.

He just kneels down and tugs at my leggings looking to the side, then he gingerly takes my socks off.

Only my panties are left so he quickly yanks those down and stands up only looking me in the eyes.

"Come on Baby, get in the tub"

I quickly get in and pull my knees up to my chest, he gives me a small smile and nods to himself in reassurance, picking up my dirty clothes to put them in the washing basket.

"The sponge and body wash is there. I will help you do your hair first okay. Then you can wash yourself, alright Princess"

He quietly says pulling the shower attachment to rinse my hair, I sigh as he runs his fingers through my long tresses.

Stopping he puts shampoo on and massages it in making me hum and put my head back.

"Does that feel relaxing Baby?"

He gives me a little chuckle as I nod.

After finishing my hair he tells me to wash my body and he's going to go order some food.

I nod and gingerly pick up the sponge washing myself all over, after I'm finished he knocks back on the door and asks if I'm ready to get out.

I reply that I am and he walks in holding up a towel and wrapping me up in it.

Then he picks me up and walks me into my room.

He proceeds to dry my hair first and then tells me to dry my body, he goes off when the door buzzer sounds off.

I get myself dried and look at the loungewear set he has set down on the bed for me.

I grab the top first and quickly put it on, then I quickly pull on the bottoms.

Jungkook walks in just as I finish and gives me a small smile.

"Let's put your hair in a plait or something first. The food is here Baby, so let's hurry up and go eat"

I nod and he comes over to comb through my knotty hair, then he does it in a side plait.

Afterwards we sit down to eat, well Jungkook eats and then forces me to eat by feeding me himself when he sees that I just push my food around on my plate.

When he is satisfied that I have eaten enough he cleans the dishes and we snuggle up in my room to watch one of my comfort films.

We watch spirited away, he knows it won't trigger me or remind me of Jimin because he never watched anime with me, he hated it and called it childish.

As I cuddle up to Jungkook I wonder how I can be so lucky to have such a great best friend.

He has always been there for me, he has never left me even after the arguments we have had about Jimin.

Jungkook even put up with Jimin's horrible attitude every time he came to mine, with the constant sarcastic comments and the loud scoffing every time Jungkook talked to me.

He ignored it all just to make me happy.

He came on my birthday to see me, on Christmas days too and never forgot any important events, not like Jimin did.

Jungkook has even put me above the few girlfriends he has had and finished with them when they got jealous of our relationship, one demanded for him to stop seeing me and he refused and finished with her the next day.

He refused to go to any dances with girls that asked in high school too because he would always go with me.

They didn't like him calling me Princess at all or hugging me goodbye or pecking my head, or when he would hold my hand.

Or when he would drop a date to run to me because of Jimin cheating again, when he would tell them he couldn't spend Sundays with them because it was our day together.

I sometimes feel really bad anxiety and guilt about what he has given up due to me, am I stopping him from being happy, from finding love?

I actually told him this once, to stop finishing with his girlfriends because of me and he said if they didn't like his Princess then they aren't the one for him, that they have to be able to deal with the fact that his best friend is a woman.

All of his relationships were short and he told me he never loved them, that it was easy to choose me over them.

But I still feel riddled with an uncomfortable guilt about ruining his relationships and interfering with his dates too.

I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to keep him to myself or that I'm messing with his relationships on purpose because of my own problems and feelings.

That I was toxic because I stayed with Jimin not only because I was trying to forget Jungkook but because he would come comfort me and spoil me for weeks after Jimin had cheated.

========================================

Jungkook has stayed with me all week, he even called the college for me and got me my notes from any classes I needed.

He has been a godsend and an Angel like he always is.

He even spoke to Seokjin and my mother when they came round and I didn't want to talk to anyone yet.

I felt embarrassed because they were all right about Jimin and I had stubbornly ignored all the talks and advice.

Jungkook knew that there was a few videos going around and told me people were actually on my side, but I didn't want to relive it.

Apparently no one at college was saying bad things about me, he told me that they are mad at Jimin for how he treated me AND Candice.

I told him that I still needed a little time and that I wasn't ready to go back and hear the gossip yet.

Jimin tried knocking on the door twice over the last week and Jungkook said I didn't want to see him anymore.

When I finally texted him to come get his things he must have thought he could get in and gaslight me again, but he was definitely not happy when Jungkook was the one that came to the door with a box of his belongings.

He just got into a fight with Jungkook at my front door now too, his attitude stinks.

It happened right after he handed Jimin's things to him in a box because I definitely didn't want to.

Jimin clearly wasn't happy that Jungkook was still with me and had just answered the door in just a pair of sweats and socks with no top on.

Jungkook punched him hard giving him a black eye after he started goading him saying that he must have finally hit it and saw how good my fat ass bounces when you hit it from the back.

That I was really good at sucking dick and that maybe he can finally feel what it's like for me to deep throat him, he was vile with his words.

After that he said that he was glad that Jungkook could finally get with me after pining after me for so long and how horrible it must have been for Jungkook having to listen to him fuck me raw all those times he slept over.

Then I gasped when he said that he made sure that I used to scream extra loud the nights Jungkook stayed over, just to give him something to wank off to, where he felt sorry for him.

That he stayed with me just to piss Jungkook off and how he always used to laugh with his friends when he used to see how sad and love sick he was over me. Jungkook totally lost it punching him again making his nose bleed.

He was absolutely fuming when he slammed the door in his face, it made a picture fall on the floor and I could see how furious he was as he paced around the room.

I just walked over and cuddled him, it stopped his pacing, luckily it calmed him down enough to not go beat Jimin's ass, because he looked ready to go back to the front door and kill him.

When I asked him if he was okay he just kissed me on the head and then nodded silently, then quietly saying he just needed a few minutes alone, then he walked off to the bathroom slamming the door hard.

I sat there feeling really uncomfortable because of what Jimin had just said to Jungkook, surely Jungkook doesn't feel that way about me, he would have told me...Wouldn't he?

He always told me everything, we never kept secrets from each other.

Why was Jimin saying those things?

I knew Jimin was jealous of Jungkook and that's all it sounded like up until the fight I last had with him and he had mentioned Jungkook in jealousy.

But what Jimin just said to him was too much, what does he know that I don't?

What did Jimin see that I didn't?

I know that I have always loved Jungkook but he never felt that way about me, did he?

When Jungkook doesn't come out of the bathroom I quietly walk over to the door on top toes, I’m about to knock but I pause when I hear him sniffling and clearly crying.

Why is he crying?

Do I still knock? What if he's crying because he can't take my shit anymore and all of this has finally gotten to him?

I pick up the courage to finally knock after agonising about whether to disturb him or not.

"Jungkook? Please let me in"

I plead with him, feeling guilty that he's crying because of Jimin and what he just did.

He goes quiet and I hear the tap turn on and water splashing, then I hear him let out a loud sigh.

When he finally opens the door I can clearly see that he has been crying, his eyes are red and puffy, his nose red.

He looks so down and sad when he looks at me though, I frown at his defeated demeanour.

I absolutely hate seeing him cry, Jungkook has never been one to shy away from his emotions but it has always made me cry whenever I saw him crying.

Cuddling him immediately because I can't bear to see him suffering or sad, I fling my arms around him.

His arms go around me squeezing me tightly and I hear him sniffle again.

"Jungkookie please don't cry! I hate seeing you cry Kookie. Please tell me what's wrong, what's upset you?"

I ask him mumbling into his muscular torso.

"I..I can't Princess...I can't tell you. I don't want to ruin our friendship, I don't want to lose you"

Jungkook sounds so broken as he replies to me, I'm worried that he has betrayed our friendship in some way and is too scared to tell me.

"Kookie, nothing would ever make me stop being your friend. You are my person, my everything and my soulmate. You have been there for me when everyone else betrayed me or hurt me. You know nearly all my secrets and I know yours! The only ones I haven't told you about were for the sake of our friendship. I know our friendship has been strained over the last three years because of Jimin, but you have always been there for me, even when you were mad at me, you still came back to comfort me"

I tell him still hugging him.

"Not ALL my secrets Princess, that's why I can't tell you and what do you mean for the sake of our friendship?"

He finally sighs squeezing me a little tighter, but sounds puzzled when he asks me.

"Oh..Umm I'm not sure whether it's even worth me telling you now as it doesn't really matter because I can't go back in time and change anything"

I mumble into his chest feeling shy and too scared to tell him.

"Baby, just tell me. If it was so long ago then what does it matter?"

I sigh, biting my lip and wondering if I should just tell him.

"I...Please don't leave me if I tell you, I can't take you leaving me too Jungkook, promise me. And technically it started when I was a child but it's not long ago too as it has still not ended. It’s still relevant”

I inhale a big intake of air after he promises that he won't leave me, I finally tell him what I have hid from him for sixteen years.

"I had a huge crush on you all through my childhood and teenage years. But when I was sixteen I realised that I actually loved you after we did that dare and kissed and got off with each other when we were drunk, but you acted like you forgot. I was going to finally tell you later on when I was seventeen after agonising about it but...but you got a girlfriend a few days before I was going to tell you. I was going to surprise you in a cute way but it was too late, so I lied when you finally asked what my surprise was and I told you I had a boyfriend, but I didn't. I...I was also a virgin and hadn't ever been with anyone else or had a boyfriend when I met Jimin when I was nineteen. You were the only person I had kissed or had ever done anything sexual with. I stayed with him because I didn't want to ruin our friendship and every time you got a new girlfriend I would just forgive Jimin because it hurt me too much to be left with my thoughts of you being with another woman. I have always felt guilty about it and felt like I was ruining your real chance at love. So I just stayed with Jimin because you kept losing your chance at love because of me being a fucking screw up and I knew you couldn't possibly love someone who looked like me. All of your girlfriends were so beautiful and looked like models, I knew I stood no chance because I'm small, not pretty and dumpy. I'm not them. I also walked in on you having sex with your girlfriend a few days later when I was seventeen and cried for a whole week. I lied and said I had the flu and didn't come to school for a whole week!!"

I stop and it's totally quiet, he doesn't say anything for a few minutes and neither do I.

I'm just waiting for him to walk out on me and tell me he could never love me like that.

"Oh Princess! I'm so sorry!"

He suddenly starts crying again, but he is not just crying he's sobbing.

"I..Th-That is all my fault!! I..I listened to a friend who told me to get a girlfriend to try to get over liking you! I didn't like her, I just didn't want to fuck up our friendship..and.. and he said I had to get over you. Because you clearly weren't interested like that, especially after you didn't acknowledge our drunken dare I thought you didn't remember either! OR that you wanted to forget it! When you lied and said you had a boyfriend, that you had had sex. I was so hurt and in my anger I slept with...with that g-girl! It was dreadful and I felt awkward doing it with someone I didn't love! WHY? WHY DID YOU LIE?! WHY TORTURE YOURSELF AND STAY WITH JIMIN BECAUSE OF ME!! YOU HURT YOURSELF AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF ME!!"

He gets louder as he starts to sound almost angry with me.

"I lied because it fucking killed me Jungkook and my friend said that I should really try to get over it and realise that you only loved me as a best friend!! I couldn't understand how we always ended up doing things when we were drunk but acted normal when we weren't! I saw you two all over each other on the bed the day before I told you and lied that I had sex, I went to your house and ran out when I caught you! You must have liked her or you wouldn't have been kissing her like that Jungkook! And you never told me you liked me either and after we kissed that time when we were thirteen too, you also acted like it was a mistake!! And what friend?"

I exclaim back as he is not going to just lay this at my front door!

"It was Hoseok! What does it matter now!"

He scoffs at me and I chuckle sarcastically now, he has to be kidding.

This has to be a cruel joke, Hoseok?

"You do know that Hoseok kept asking me out and I refused him loads of times! I even shouted at him one time that I was already in love with someone else. I got so exasperated with his persistence and even though I didn't admit it he guessed it was you and I just walked off without confirming it! He fucking did that because he was mad that I refused him so many times, I hope you know that! And you had so many girlfriends over the years and kept talking about your great sex life in front of me!! Even before I got with Jimin!! SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I THINK OTHERWISE JUNGKOOK!!"

I yell at him, sounding exasperated, throwing my arms up.

He looks really shocked at what I just said, then his whole expression darkens and he now looks really angry.

"That piece of shit!! If I ever see him again I'm gonna punch him! After you got that boyfriend I tried to act like a normal friend because I thought you didn't like me either! And I only did that the last three years because Jimin would constantly talk about doing sexual things with you every time he spoke to Taehyung in front of me! Or when I would come over even! And I literally hate fucked those women where I was so mad all the time! I never told any of them that I loved them, I always left them when they tried to tell me to stop talking to YOU! Loads of them demanded that I choose them and I NEVER DID ALICE!! I CHOSE YOU!! I never did because...because I.."

Jungkook is exclaiming really loudly at me before his defeated voice drops off getting quieter.

He sighs, running his hand over his face.

"And do you know I haven't slept with Jimin for about six months! I told him to prove he loved me. And every time he cheated again I barely went near him for ages!! So as you could imagine it was a lot of time with no sex! Because of what Jungkook?”

I’m so exasperated with this whole thing and it shows when I talk.

But when I ask him the last question I go dead still waiting for him to answer, it feels like ages before he finally does answers.

"Because...Because I love you Alice, I have loved you since we were kids. But I was scared to lose you and I didn't think you wanted me like that. When I kissed you that day when I was thirteen I felt so happy, but I was also scared that you would think it was a mistake and stop being friends with me. I even panicked that night when you slept over, because you almost caught me having a wet dream about you and I thought you heard me! So I joked off the kiss the next day so I wouldn't get hurt or that you would think I was moaning your name because of that! Then as we got older even though our dare's were getting more sexual you always talked about crushes and wanting to get a boyfriend one day, that you would have one who would be your best friend. But I didn't think you meant me, I thought you were going to get a new best friend and forget about me! And my friendship with you was always special to me!"

He pauses his actual rant running his fingers through his hair then he carries on sighing.

"When you got with Jimin and I had to see you kiss him for the first time I was so upset I ran off and I think Jimin saw me and realised that I loved you. That's why he said all those things! He would also start grabbing you and kissing you on purpose to see my reaction, he even used to look right at me or smirk at me. I thought it was because he knew I hated him for cheating on you, but it was to flaunt it in my fucking face! Do you know how that felt, to watch him treat the woman I loved for so long like that! Did you know that I almost left here for a once of a lifetime internship about two years ago, I couldn't watch you two together anymore. But he cheated with Sharmin just before I was going to leave and you were so upset that I couldn't leave you in that state! So I bailed on them and lost the internship! But he would always goad me saying things like you had just had make up sex and was a little sore and horrible things like that! That the neighbours complained last night because of you screaming!! But now I know it was all fucking lies!"

His hands are moving everywhere as he speaks, he looks so frustrated and angry.

I'm about to reply and he starts ranting at me again, unloading everything.

"I feel like I have been fucking stuck in limbo since I was a teenager! Never being able to move on because I can't love anyone else!! It’s like we were in an emotional relationship! There is no one else I can imagine having kids with or marrying, no one else I could ever imagine living with because in my imagination and dreams it's always you!! They are just never you and they never will be you! It's why I always picked women that I wasn't really that attracted to and that looked the furthest thing from what you looked like! I didn't want to feel like I was using them as a replacement or as a substitute! Because no one could ever replace you in my mind!”

He looks really hurt and is just unloading the mother of all rants on me, the pent up energy is just spilling out of him.

“One girl finished with me because I was moaning your name in my sleep and it clearly wasn't a normal dream!! It's no wonder they were always jealous of you, I have pictures of us in my apartment everywhere. I have your clothes in my apartment, your toothbrush, your deodorant, pyjamas, your favourite food, your favourite films even!! I never called them Baby or Princess, they got no pet names! All of my phone is filled with pictures and videos of us together, my phone screen is of one of us together too! My wallpaper on my computer is even of us together!! I finished with a girl once because she threw a picture of us together as kids against a wall in a fit of jealousy and it smashed and she ruined it too! I have only had angry one night stands for eighteen months because I couldn't go through these bullshit lies about liking these women anymore! I lied about having girlfriends to you too!"

He lets out a huge huff of air where he is literally panting from spilling every last piece of frustration from the last sixteen years.

Jungkook stops his angry rant and looks down at me with a horrible hurt look in his eyes, my heart clenches at his pain because it’s my pain too.

His hand tenderly reaches for my face, placing his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against it.

I tenderly place my hand over his and lean into his touch, closing my eyes.

"How dare he hurt my Alice, MY ALICE! I have wanted to beat his ass so many times over the years!! Please never go back to him! I couldn't bear it, not again. I would leave for good, because I just can't handle watching it anymore Alice, it’s been destroying me. Please give me a chance, I would never treat you like that or cheat on you. I meant every word I said Baby, I love you so much. No one will ever love you as much as I love you, I love you so much that it hurts to be apart from you. I love you so much that I stayed because you are my home and my heart, my everything and I would be hollow without you"

Jungkook tells me with tenderness in his voice.

I open my eyes to finally look up at him, he leans in to give me a firm kiss on my forehead, then each cheek, then finally he leaves a lingering chaste kiss on my lips.

When he pulls away his face is still right by mine, my eyes scan his face and he is so beautiful, his dark doe eyes look more hopeful because I didn't stop him from kissing me.

I place my hand in his hair pulling his head back to mine pressing his lips against mine and as soon as his lips part I kiss him with a fervent passion my tongue caressing his, because I'm so hungry for this kiss, I'm finally able to kiss them like I have imagined so many times over the years.

He picks me up so fast making me straddle him, his lips still furiously kissing mine as he groans into my mouth.

Jungkook walks over to the sofa sitting down with me pulling me against his body, his hand moves to my waist and the other winds its fingers into my hair keeping me against his enthusiastic mouth making me whimper into the kiss.

When we pull away he keeps his lips ghosting over mine as we pant from the lack of breath.

"I love you so fucking much Jungkook! I always have and I always will, forevermore. I have never loved anyone else but you, it’s always been you. It could never be anyone but you”

I pant as my hot breath falls against his lips.

"My Princess, my Baby, I love you with every single part of my soul. My Alice. My beautiful girl, my best friend, you have never been anyone else’s but mine”

He replies, squeezing me tighter.

========================================

After our big argument we decided to take it slow but we are finally together, we laugh now about how stupid we both were as teenagers.

But we have been having really long deep conversations all the time to get through the hurt we have put each other through.

We both thought it was wise to heal first and not to jump headfirst into a sexual thing yet.

I have some really happy parents right now who told us it was about time we both realised that we loved each other, that it was so obvious to everyone but us.

They are all happy that Jimin is now a thing of the past, that I finally broke it off with him.

They were terrified that I would get pregnant and have him stuck in my life for good.

It's been six weeks since I split from Jimin and he still keeps trying to call me and message me on social media.

I blocked him a few times and he keeps getting new accounts, Jungkook finally texted him and told him to back the hell off.

He wasn't happy with Jungkook and told him to mind his own business.

Every time we see him we walk off in the opposite direction before he can see us.

We have been still taking it slow and I've been back at college for two weeks now, no one has noticed that we’re a couple where we were so close before anyway.

We are liking it that way for now, so there is no pressure from anyone.

People just thought he was being extra cautious and protective with me, so they didn't say anything when he held my hand or fed me food in the cafeteria.

Well they did think that, until Jimin just tried to approach me again today in the cafeteria and Jungkook told him to get away from me.

I can see everyone already whispering and I can see his baby momma watching us with a hurt look on her face, I notice her belly looking bigger than before and her friend is definitely looking pissed.

"What fucking business is it of yours Jungkook! Let me speak to Alice and stop being the pathetic unrequited love disguised as a best friend!!"

Jimin sneers at him loudly before looking back at me, I hear an 'oh shit!' from Taehyung who knows Jungkook is probably going to punch him.

I'm about to stand up to tell him to get lost and to not speak to my boyfriend like that but Jungkook beats me to it.

"Best friend?! You are a little behind on the news Jimin. Ha ha ha!! What you say to MY GIRLFRIEND, very much affects me!"

He replies loudly standing up in his seat pushing his tray away, we hear gasps from people.

"ABOUT TIME!! IT WAS OBVIOUS!!"

Someone yells out, I dart my face to the sound source but I don't see who it is.

"YOU AND HER!! Oh you finally wormed your way in there and took advantage of my little mess! I always knew you wanted to take Alice from me. Do you think I didn't see all your love sick looks and those times you would walk off when I was kissing her! She is definitely on the rebound, how does it feel to be the rebound, poor Jungkookie! How did it feel to watch the girl you loved be kissed by me and to have to listen to her getting fucked by me!!"

He mocks him, sounding really angry and Jungkook jerks towards him where he is about to grab him but Jungkook pauses his head darting to me when I slam my drink down making a mess.

I’m just about ready to upload all of my frustration, anger and trauma on him, I’m ready.

"SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT UP JIMIN!! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS THE STAND IN, THE FUCKING REPLACEMENT! WHERE I COULDN'T HAVE WHO I REALLY LOVED!! YOU COULDN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO JUNGKOOK! HE AND I HAVE BASICALLY BEEN IN AN EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIP FOR SIXTEEN YEARS AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!! BUT WE WERE TOO STUPID TO ADMIT WE HAVE LOVED EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE CHILDREN!! HE WAS WHO I THOUGHT ABOUT WHEN I DREAMED, WHO I THOUGHT ABOUT WHENEVER I DID HAVE SEX WITH YOU, WHICH WAS RARELY DUE TO YOU CHEATING SO MUCH! WHO I DREAMED ABOUT MARRYING!! DON'T YOU REALISE THAT I HAVE NEVER SAID I LOVED YOU TO YOU, NOT ONCE! DID YOU NEVER NOTICE THAT I ONLY EVER REPLIED ME TOO! NOT THAT YOU HAVE EVER LOVED ME ANYWAY! BUT I ALWAYS TOLD JUNGKOOK THAT I LOVED HIM! AND EVEN IF HE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS IN A ROMANTIC WAY, IT WAS!! HE IS A THOUSAND TIMES THE MAN YOU ARE!! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW I LOVED ANOTHER MAN THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WITH YOU!”

I’m shouting so loud that I’m surprised the college security hasn’t come yet.

I hear someone suddenly yell out.

"YES SAVAGE!! Tell him Alice! He damn well deserves it!! He is the ultimate piece of shit!!"

I look and see that it's my old friend Yoongi who grins at me, he hates Jimin and punched him really hard once.

Jungkook is smiling at me, I can tell that he is really proud of me.

"HOW MUCH OF A BASTARD ARE YOU THAT YOUR BABY MOMMA FIANCÉE IS OVER THERE, AND YOU ARE TRYING TO GET ME BACK!! WHY?? JUST SO YOU CAN TELL ME HOW FUCKING FAT I AM OR HOW I AM SOOOO DAMN LUCKY TO BE WITH YOU?? WHY?? SO YOU CAN TREAT ME LIKE SHIT AND CHEAT!! OR WAS IT JUST SO YOU COULD RUB IT IN JUNGKOOK'S FACE?! YOU KNEW HE LOVED ME AND THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE ACTUALLY LEAVING! SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO WATCH YOU TEARING ME DOWN AND MAKING ME LOSE WHO I WAS!! YOU MADE ME LOSE ALL OF MY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF YOUR CHEATING! SLEPT WITH MY FRIENDS!! AND STILL TRIED TO TAKE THE ONLY ONE I HAD LEFT BY TRYING TO PUSH HIM TO LEAVE TOO!!"

I shout so loud that everyone is most definitely listening.

"Tell him Baby! Unload it all!"

Jungkook mischievously grins at me.

"I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE!! YOUR SEX WASN'T SHIT COMPARED TO JUNGKOOK'S AND YOU DON'T EVEN COMPARE IN SIZE! HA HA!! YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET ME OFF SO I HAD TO THINK ABOUT JUNGKOOK EVERY TIME! I WAS ONLY WITH YOU TO TRY TO FORGET ABOUT JUNGKOOK! SO FUCK OFF AND DON'T TALK TO ME AGAIN! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT AND I FEEL SORRY FOR CANDICE HAVING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR TOXIC CRAP FOREVER!! I HATE YOU WITH A PASSION AND WOULDN'T CARE IF I EVER SAW YOU AGAIN! I WASTED THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE ON YOU AND I CAN NEVER GET THEM BACK! WHY WOULD I WANT TO SPEND ANOTHER THREE SECONDS MORE LISTENING TO YOUR RIDICULOUS RUBBISH! NOW LEAVE BEFORE I LET MY BOYFRIEND BEAT YOUR ASS LIKE HE HAS BEEN DYING TO DO FOR THREE YEARS!!"

I sneer at him panting from my insane rant and I move to Jungkook who looks really proud of me for standing up for myself against Jimin finally and for what I just said.

He smirks and kisses me like he misses me and I don't care, I let him.

"WOO HOO!! THAT IS THE ALICE I MISSED!"

My friend Yoongi shouts out and Namjoon hollers out too whooping, I lost both of them due to Jimin.

My old friend Denise even whistles at us because she found out exactly what Jimin was like first hand too.

Taehyung even shouts out loudly.

"ABOUT DAMN TIME JUNGKOOK! I WAS LOSING HOPE THAT ALIKOOK WAS EVER GONNA BE A REALITY!"

Jimin scoffs at us and finally marches away, my whole body goes pliant in Jungkook’s arms as I relax finally.

"I'm so fucking proud of you my Princess! My sex is much better huh, how do you know Baby? Or is that the sex you had in your dreams or imagination when you needed to get off? Hmm I like thinking that you were imagining me and I might have been imagining you at the same time. Now if he ever tries to get under my skin by saying something I can say that it was me who used to make you scream!”

He groans in my ear, oh he likes that I thought about him every time or had to use him to get off.

We haven't had sex yet, just a little light foreplay until we both feel ready, as we are both still healing from years of suffering and trauma we put ourselves through.

"I know. But I couldn't have him mock you Kookie. I was about to punch him and I had to give him the cold hard truth. The way he talked to you was vile, I wasn’t having it, not anymore. That was the only part I lied about though, Kookie. As your dick is almost twice the size of his! THAT I didn't lie about!"

I giggle when he pecks all over my face.

"You two! Is this what I'm going to have to put up with every time I'm at Kook's now?!"

Taehyung shouts out groaning and I look to see everyone staring at our PDA, we cough and he pulls me to his lap and we sit down chuckling as we eat our dinner in peace.

Yoongi congratulates us as he walks to class with us and Namjoon said that he's proud of whoever went for it and confessed.

He was shocked when I put my hand up saying it was me, but he says he's damn proud patting my head.

Tells me that I’m glowing and look so much happier now, that he’s so happy for us.

Yoongi tells me that he is so glad that I’m finally free from that nightmare and Candice actually did me a favour.

Denise messaged me on Instagram telling me that she was sorry about what happened between us and that she is actually glad that I'm finally away from Jimin.

That he is one manipulative, toxic man.

That she was happy that I finally got with Jungkook after all those years of pining, she of course knew because I told her in high school.

She said it was so obvious over the years that we still loved each other.

I feel so damn amazing, I have had friends talk to me again for the first time in a year and I just told Jimin where to go.

AND I finally told him the cold hard truth!

Truths I couldn't admit to even myself before and now I'm brave enough to scream them at Jimin in the cafeteria in front of everyone.

I've finally broken the chain of toxicity and distrust, I'm utterly free.

And when I look up at Jungkook I couldn't be happier, I'm finally where I was supposed to be all along, with my heart, my soulmate, my person, my Jungkook, my love, my everything.

=======================================

©️ Bangtans Momma.

Please do not translate, copy, steal or repost my stories as your own, or any part of my story as your own either.

Do not feed any part of my stories into any AI software either.

Sharing the link or re-blogging is perfectly fine of course.

=======================================

Oh this series is so angsty and drama filled and I’m living for it!

Can’t wait for the next chapter as the drama is so intense and I can’t wait for the conclusion.

If you haven’t read it I suggest you start from chapter one to see why this chapter gets to be so angst ridden.

If you love messy angst with smut then this is for you!

This chapter had me in my feels, poor Jungkook! Our boy needs to grow a backbone and stand up for himself. And Yoongi needs to tell her that he’s not good too! This love triangle is living on top of angst mountain and ain’t coming down anytime soon! 🙆🏻‍♀️😔

But I’m still gonna watch this car wreck and have my heart squeezed!

Sinful Lust | ch 4 (myg & jjk)

☆summary: Jungkook has been living his life like he's riding a car, and he sees a wall looming closer. Will he hit, or will he find a way to avoid the collision?

☆pairing: bisexual boyfriend!Yoongi x female!reader x Jungkook

☆rating: 18+ (MINORS DNI)

☆genre: mostly smut, angst, snippets of life!au

☆warnings: cursing, jealousy, a flashback to how it all started five years ago, alcohol, mention of social anxiety, some sort of cheating?, explicit content: unprotected sex, jerking off, tied hands/bondage ish?, oral sex (male and female receiving, male on male, male on female), face riding, mouth fucking, choking, hair pulling, anal sex, cumshot, protected sex, sexting, nudes, a side of degradation?, facetime sex, ass slapping, guided sex, creampie

☆word count: 8.6k

☆a/n: Jungkook pov time babyyy! I hope you will love it <3 Thank you to @moonleeai as always for beta-ing this fic <3

☆a/n pt2: I do not own BTS or any of the members. I do not know what they are like irl (I do not claim to know their personalities, sexual orientations, beliefs, etc.). This fic is just a work of fiction, so please keep that in mind while reading

☆series masterpost

☆☆☆☆☆

                Each time he’s with you and Yoongi, Jungkook has a hard time figuring out why, or how. Especially right now, as he lies under you while you fuck yourself on him.

He watches your breasts as they bounce on your chest, watches the light sheen on your skin from your sweat. Yoongi is jerking off next to Jungkook, and he can’t help but glance at that too – Yoongi’s frowning, mouth slightly open as he grips his cock hard, pumping fast.

Your walls clench around Jungkook’s dick, and he returns his attention to you as he grunts and you let out a moan, bending forward to rest your hands on his shoulders for leverage. Jungkook lets you do it, though he tugs at his restraints, his cock twitching as his hands are held back in place.

It was Yoongi’s idea to tie him up. At the mischief lighting up your gaze, Jungkook hadn’t been able to say no, and frankly, he doesn’t think he regrets his decision.

It started with Yoongi sucking his dick while you sat on his face, and Jungkook can still taste your sleek juice in his mouth. It’s inebriating, and he thinks he’s drunk – or perhaps he’s just swimming in ecstasy. Even if Yoongi fucked his mouth after that.

Jungkook doesn’t particularly enjoy the bisexual action he’s been partaking in with you and Yoongi. He doesn’t dislike it, but he doesn’t feel any sexual attraction to it. He doesn’t think he would touch Yoongi if it wasn’t for your begging eyes. But whenever you look at him, whenever you tell him to do something, Jungkook folds, unable to tell you no.

He’s convinced Yoongi’s caught up to it, yet it seems you’re still lost in the fog of oblivion. Or maybe the three of you are just too good at pretending that it’s not there, that he didn’t say yes to this whole ordeal just because he gets to fuck you.

You clench again, this time moaning his name, and Jungkook has the visceral need to pull you flush to his chest so that he can thrust into you just like he likes. Tugging at the restraints proves to be useless, and he lets out a frustrated groan even as you pick up your pace, visibly chasing your orgasm.

It’s hot. It’s fucking hot and Jungkook feels his balls tighten, though he reins it in – he’s not going to come yet.

Your right hand shifts to his neck, and then you’re choking him, though your up-and-down motion grows sloppy, as if you have trouble focusing. And you barely choke him – you were just looking for leverage, he assumes.

“Bend down,” he tells you. “Fucking bend down, I’ll make you come.”

At his words Yoongi grabs a handful of Jungkook’s hair, forcing his head back. But you do bend down, and Jungkook braces his feet on the mattress so that he can fuck into you. He sets a relentless pace, meeting Yoongi’s gaze as you moan into his neck.

Perhaps that will be enough to make him come after all. Because he knows your Yoongi’s. Knows he’ll never have you any other way. But when you cling to him like you are doing right now, Jungkook likes to believe that you’re his, too.

He knows you’re coming the moment your orgasm crashes into you, and he doesn’t relent, doesn’t slow down. You moan against his skin, and Yoongi pulls on his hair harder, and Jungkook thinks maybe he’s coming too.

He keeps it in at the last second, his balls hurting from the denied orgasm. But he doesn’t want to come in such a subdued position – he’ll fucking ride you until you cry from the pleasure before.

He slows down, and you slump against him, your sweaty skin feeling like heaven against his. He’s still looking at Yoongi, who’s still pumping his cock hard, though he finally lets go of Jungkook’s hair. Nothing happens for a moment, until you raise your head from his neck, and then Jungkook meets your gaze.

Your cheeks are flushed red, your pupils are blown wide and you look so fucked out he feels his dick twitch inside of you. At that you moan again, and the pain in his balls increases even more because fucking hell does he need to come soon.

You smirk. You smirk and Jungkook thinks he’ll go insane. Especially as you push up from him, and then his dick leaves your velvety walls as you move to the side. You grab his cock, jerking him slowly, and Jungkook looks down at himself.

He’s covered in your juice. You came on him – a lot – and now you’re using it as lubrication to jerk him off and he doesn’t know right from left and up from down anymore. He’s insane – you’ve brought him right to the land of insanity.

“Gosh,” you let out, and he focuses on your face again, though you go in and out of focus as his orgasm is still so close. “I’ve soaked your dick so much you could fuck Yoons like that.”

The orgasm recedes, and Jungkook remembers that he’s not alone with you. That Yoongi is here, and he’s been deprived of attention for a while. Jungkook does feel bad about it a little, but then again, your hand on his dick just feels too good.

Yoongi murmurs your name, adding, “Don’t push his boundaries.”

You bite your lips, holding Jungkook’s gaze with a searing look in your eyes. “Would you fuck his ass if I ride your face again?”

Jungkook is at a loss for words. Especially as you bend down and spit on his dick, adding lubrication to his already soaked cock.

He thinks you’re jerking Yoongi off too now, because Yoongi groans and you let out a small laugh.

“I fucking love having the two of you for myself,” you say.

And that’s when Jungkook knows he’ll say yes. He doesn’t even care that it’s Yoongi’s ass as Yoongi sinks on him a minute later. All he’s looking at is you, and Yoongi’s ass is so fucking tight Jungkook thinks he might not get to fuck you into oblivion after all.

Yoongi moves up and down, slowly, and Jungkook grunts as you wrap your hand around his neck, choking him again. And then you force him to look at Yoongi, who’s got his head thrown back and dick so hard Jungkook feels like Yoongi’s going to come on him in just a few strokes.

You’re the one that reaches out to grab Yoongi’s dick, and you start jerking your boyfriend off as he keeps fucking himself on Jungkook. Jungkook watches, unable to do anything else, and when Yoongi’s ass clenches on his dick Jungkook closes his eyes.

He doesn’t want to see Yoongi coming on him. Doesn’t want to think about the fact he’s got a man on his dick right now, and not you. He just wants to feel how fucking tight it is, and how the drag on his dick is so sinful he knows he will come.

He’s turned on. He’s so fucking turned on by the tightness of Yoongi’s ass that he pulls at the restraints, once again trying to take control. But he can’t. He can’t, yet Yoongi bends forward somehow, and Jungkook’s mind fills with so much ecstasy from the new angle that all he can think to do is to start hammering his hips into his friend.

He comes first. He comes as he’s fucking Yoongi so hard everything hurts, and then Yoongi is coming on him, while you praise the two of them. Jungkook almost forgot that you were there, but then when he opens his eyes, it’s you that he sees first.

Perhaps because Yoongi’s hiding his face in his neck, just like you were doing earlier. And seeing you so close makes Jungkook’s orgasm linger, his dick twitching in Yoongi.

You bend down, catching Jungkook’s mouth in a languid kiss, and he kisses you back with everything in his chest, not caring that he emptied his balls in your boyfriend just a moment ago. Not when you kiss him like that – like every swipe of your tongue on his is a hidden message, of feelings shared even though they shouldn’t be.

Yoongi moves away from Jungkook as you’re still kissing him, and Jungkook tries to hold you, to cup your cheeks, but his hands still don’t move from where Yoongi tied them up. He pushes his tongue in your mouth still, lapping you up, and right when he thinks he’ll die from the lack of oxygen, you pull away from the kiss.

It takes Jungkook a moment to realize that Yoongi is gone. You’re looking towards the door, and Jungkook is still just watching you, and something hurts in his chest. He clears his throat to push it away, which gains him your attention again.

“Can you untie me?” he asks, voice still a little scrappy from when Yoongi fucked his mouth earlier.

You nod, and he notices you gulping. Something’s wrong. Something definitely is wrong between you and Yoongi, and Jungkook feels sick and twisted for it.

“Sorry,” you apologize as he mindlessly massages his shoulders, which started to ache a while ago from staying in that position for so long.

“Don’t worry about it,” Jungkook tells you, and then he glances at his stomach. At his dick, that’s softening on his pelvis.

He’s covered in cum. Both his and Yoongi’s, and even yours from before all that. The sight nearly makes him gag, and he motions to the box of tissues on the night table.

“Can you pass me these?” he asks.

You don’t answer, though you grab a handful of tissues. Jungkook makes to grab them from your hands, but you start cleaning him up. He almost gulps from the attention, from the care in each of your motions, but he focuses on looking towards the door.

He doesn’t even know if he wants Yoongi to come back. Just that it feels weird that Yoongi left so quickly.

“Is something wrong?” you ask him, and he frowns, looking back towards you.

“No,” he answers. And though he doesn’t want to pry, he returns the question to you.

You finish cleaning his stomach before you move to his dick, and it feels a little strange to have a serious conversation with you while you’re cleaning up his dick, but then again, his entire relationship with you is weird.

“I don’t know,” you admit. “I guess.” You shrug. “He doesn’t tell me how he feels anymore.”

You look so sad saying the words that Jungkook feels his heart breaking in his chest. He’s been expecting this since the very first time he had sex with you though. The moment when it’d create a wedge between you and Yoongi, or between Yoongi and him.

“Oh,” he lets out. He chews on his lower lip, tongue darting out to play with his piercing. “I’m sorry.”

You shrug your shoulders again. “Don’t be.” You fall silent, eyes trailing to the doorway. You take a deep breath, and then softly let it out, shaking your head slightly. “Let me just go talk to him.”

Jungkook remains silent as you get up, and he looks away from you as you put on your clothes. And he feels far too awkward staying in your bed without you and Yoongi, so he gets up too, grabbing his clothes. He puts them on quickly, feeling the need to leave as fast as he can.

He’ll hate himself if your relationship goes to hell because of him.

So he puts everything on and then tiptoes to the front door. He curses himself when he has one of his shoes on – he left his motorcycle helmet in the kitchen. He glances in that direction – is that where you and Yoongi are?

He doesn’t want to interrupt a conversation between his friend and you.

But he needs the helmet. Can’t drive his motorcycle without it. So he kicks off his shoe, before walking towards the kitchen, slowly, even though it is entirely silent. He passes in front of the bathroom on the way, and there, he hears voices from behind the closed door. Muffled and low, clearly meant for you and Yoongi only, so Jungkook moves away, towards his helmet that he can now see on the counter.

He grabs it, spins on his heels to head back to the door, but he startles at the sight of Yoongi standing there.

“Oh, hyung,” is all Jungkook can think to say.

“You’re leaving?” Yoongi asks.

Jungkook’s gaze widens, not really knowing how to reply. “Uh…” He gulps. “I figured it would be better to leave you and Y/n alone…”

Yoongi nods, sighing, and his eyes close momentarily before he looks at Jungkook again. “Sorry about this.”

“About what?” Jungkook asks, and he feels stupid for the question, but it just slipped out on its own.

“Making things awkward,” Yoongi explains. “I guess… I guess I should have asked that you guys don’t…” He stops speaking again, and this time he scratches the back of his head. Jungkook remains silent, giving Yoongi space to collect his thoughts. When he finally does, Yoongi says, “I don’t like you guys kissing like that? I told Y/n, and we’re going to add it to the ground rules.”

Jungkook’s heart squeezes in his chest, yet he still nods, not wanting to hurt his older friend. Especially considering that Jungkook is the guest in this whole scenario, and not Yoongi.

“That sounds good to me,” Jungkook answers, even if every word pains him. “I’ll stop.”

“And the pet names too,” Yoongi adds. “Don’t call her baby.”

There’s possessiveness in Yoongi’s tone, and Jungkook bristles a little, though he forces himself to nod. “Sure. I’m…” he trails off, eyes falling to a spot on the floor between him and Yoongi. “I’m sorry.”

And he does feel apologetic. Guilty, even. But you’ve become a drug that he can’t get enough of, and if he has to stop doing these things to be able to still get a taste of you, then he will.

“Don’t be,” Yoongi says, and he sounds reassuring. Far more than Jungkook expected him to be in the situation. “Don’t ever feel sorry. We invited you in our relationship. If anyone’s to blame, it’s me for not setting my boundaries more clearly.”

At that Jungkook feels jealousy taking shape inside of him. Because Yoongi will get to kiss you, to hold you, to be yours when Jungkook will always just be the guest. But the kisses and pet names allowed him to pretend that, for just a short period of time, you were his. And now he has to let them go, to let the feeling of your lips against his be just a memory. It hurts somehow, which he reckons is stupid.

He doesn’t usually get attached to the women he fucks. But you’re different.

You’ve been different since the day he met you.

“If you want to stay for the night, you can,” Yoongi says in the silence that was stretching to the point of awkwardness. “Guest room is yours, as always.”

And though he usually always stays the night, Jungkook feels the need to be alone. To ride his bike, to eat the road and feel the wind and forget about his thoughts for a moment. So he declines the offer, feeling strange as Yoongi walks him to the door.

He wishes you’d come say goodbye, but you’re in the shower from the sounds of it. He feels guilty for leaving like this, but then again, the night sky and the streetlights are awaiting outside, and it’s going to be much needed therapy.

“Thanks for the invitation,” Jungkook says once his shoes are on and he’s checked his pockets to make sure he has everything.

“Of course,” Yoongi answers, flashing a strained smile.

Jungkook wants to ask if his friend is okay. If he wants to stop this madness altogether, but he can’t bring himself to ask.

It’s like he’s watching a car crash into a wall, or the moments before the accident. He knows it’s about to happen, but there’s nothing he can do to stop it.

“We’ll let you know when we want to see you again,” Yoongi adds when Jungkook just stays standing there.

The dismissal is clear, and Jungkook nods his head once before wishing good night to his friend. Yoongi tells him to drive safe and text him when he’ll get home, which Jungkook knows he won’t do.

Perhaps because he knows he won’t go home for a while still.

And he doesn’t. He rides in the night, aimlessly, going out of the city with only the moon high above as company. His bike roars like a beast under him, eating mile after mile until trees replace concrete, until he has to stop at a small gas station that looks straight out of a horror movie to fill the tank. The weather outside has been growing warmer, but the night is cold, and the moon has been lowering on the horizon, replaced by a sea of distant stars, each of them sparkling with all the might of their own little world.

If only you knew what you mean to him. But you’re like the stars up above – out of reach, for the eternity of life. And though he’d wished to be an astronaut when he was a kid, Jungkook knows he’ll never get to sail in the sky above, to meet you in outer space meant to belong to you and him. Not to you and Yoongi.

The thought has him climbing on his bike again, and it roars back to life as he turns the key in the engine. A second later he’s back on the road, and he doesn’t even care about where he’s going. Doesn’t even care that he might get lost, because he’s felt lost for weeks anyway.

With the wind and the stars as his lone companions, Jungkook rides through the night, seeking salvation. Seeking to forget he ever said yes, to forget that the second he felt you on his dick, he knew no one else would ever compare to you.

But he’s always felt this way. The night sky is too pretty to dwell in memories though, and Jungkook stops where the road meets the sea, only to listen to the waves hitting the shore like they’re keen on forming their own melody. It’s different than the one of wind in his ear, yet it’s peaceful.

Everything but his heart seems peaceful in the night. So he breathes the saline air in, lets the mist from the waves hitting the rocks cool his features, and with eyes shut Jungkook takes everything in.

And when peace finally finds his heart too, somewhere between his inhales and exhales, Jungkook climbs back on the motorcycle and heads home.

*****

If there’s someone Jungkook knows he can talk to, it’s Namjoon. His older friend, brother, a calm presence in his life whom he’s sought the help of countless times in the past. Whenever his blood ran cold or hot from fights he won or lost in the past, whenever things don’t quite work out the way he’d hoped them too, Jungkook always knows Namjoon will be there for him.

So when Namjoon invites him over to his art gallery for a small gala he’s hosting for charity, Jungkook says yes. Because he knows he’ll likely be the only one of the friend group invited, mostly because he is some sort of a celebrity to begin with. And though he doesn’t mind people knowing him for his boxing career, he also doesn’t want to just be seen as this brute that only knows how to punch other people.

Namjoon knows it, and understands it all too well. Perhaps because he was a boxer once too before he turned into an artist.

So Jungkook dons a nice outfit, a black all-denim jean and jacket combo that he was given while shooting for Calvin Klein again a couple of weeks ago. He knows he’s going to stand out in the crowd of nicely-dressed art enthusiasts, but he doesn’t care.

Maybe if he stands out enough, he’s going to attract the attention of someone that can make him forget you riding his dick like you only have one night left on this Earth.

As soon as he gets to the gallery, Jungkook heads in, motorcycle helmet in hand. He aims for Namjoon’s office, which he knows the lock password of, and he leaves his helmet there before heading into the gallery proper.

He assesses the room for a moment, anxiety spiking in his blood at the sight of so many people crowded in a place that seems like it’s about to burst. He’s not surprised – Namjoon is a renowned painter now, and rich people flock to him like moths to a flame hoping that they would get the chance to buy one of his pieces.

Jungkook stays by the door, hands in the pockets of his jeans as he scans the gallery, trying to figure out if anyone would be worth his attention. He notices a woman that looks about his age, if not a little older. She’s wearing a red dress that enhances her curves beautifully, and her long hair cascades down her back as she turns towards him, a knowing smile on her lips. Jungkook returns the smile and he’s about to head her way when Namjoon comes into his vision.

“JK!” Namjoon lets out, happily clasping his shoulder. “I was wondering when you’d show up.”

Jungkook watches the girl as she winces, but then she turns away, walking towards where a group of rich sons are speaking. Maybe she’s here as the date of one of them. Jungkook reckons he doesn’t care because, frankly, even donned in that expensive dress she doesn’t look half as good as you look wearing just a t-shirt.

“Namjoon,” Jungkook returns, forcing his disappointment away, along with the feelings you always bring up in him. “This place is about to burst.”

“I didn’t expect so many people to show up for the charity,” Namjoon admits as he too scans the room. “But it’s all for the better!” He grabs two glasses of champagne from a server passing by, handing one to Jungkook. “We better drink before it starts because it promises to be long.”

Jungkook nods, clinking his glass with Namjoon’s before taking a long sip. The golden liquid bubbles in his mouth, and though Jungkook prefers whiskey, he does enjoy the taste as it slips in his throat.

“Got a lot of pieces on auction tonight?” he enquires as his friend knocks back the whole glass, never one to entertain a glass of champagne for more than a few seconds.

Namjoon wipes his mouth with the back of a hand, nodding curtly. “Five. The rest were provided by promising artists from the community.”

Before they can say more, a group of people approaches them, and Jungkook forces himself to participate in the conversation, offering them smiles and nods and a word here and there. It goes like this for a while, until someone ushers the room into silence so that the charity can properly start.

Jungkook slides to the back of the room, fishing a flask from an inner pocket of his jacket. He takes a swig of it, the strong taste of whiskey washing away the taste from the champagne he drank before. It’s a thankful respite, and Jungkook finds an empty wall to lean against as the auction starts.

It takes all of six minutes before the red-dress girl heads his way, meeting him away from the rest of the crowd.

“You’re not going to auction?” she asks as an introduction.

Jungkook shrugs, flashing her a smile. “Are you?”

She chuckles, and it lights up her eyes prettily. “I don’t think I’m here for this kind of prize.”

And just like that Jungkook knows exactly in what category she belongs. It might be harsh of him, but he recognizes her for what she is – someone that’s only trying to climb the social ladder, hoping that being a socialite might bring happiness into her life.

He might not have a lot of money to offer her, but for a night…

They’re fucking in the bathroom before he’s actually had the time to think this through. The condom on his dick feels like hell, keeping most of the sensations away, and she doesn’t feel quite as tight as you always do. As Yoongi’s ass did… Yet Jungkook only pushes her head down in the sink, watching how she’s grasping onto the edges of it, moaning unabashedly loud. The bathroom is far enough from the auction that Jungkook isn’t afraid to be heard, but he still puts his hand on her mouth, stifling her sounds.

And though he does find release, he realizes that it’s more of the haunting kind. As if his balls are still full, the ecstasy shying away from him. It only leaves him with a bitter aftertaste in mouth, and he declines the girl’s invitation to a hotel nearby.

As he watches her leave, he realizes that he doesn’t even know her name. And he doesn’t care for it. All that he cares for is to return to the auction, which thankfully is almost over. He listens to it in a daze, hoping that people can’t tell he just fucked someone, hoping that they can’t see the ghosts haunting him.

Namjoon sees them the moment the auction ends, and Jungkook tries to slip away in the night. Indeed, his older friend catches him in the office as he goes to retrieve his helmet, much like Yoongi had caught him that night when he’d established new boundaries.

“I hope you’re not leaving right away,” Namjoon says as he heads to a decanter on a small table by a bookshelf. “Just sold a piece for a billion won, and I need someone to celebrate with me.”

“This is hardly the first time you’ve sold a piece for that amount of money,” Jungkook reminds his friend, but he still puts the helmet down, heading for the leather seat on one side of the desk.

Namjoon pours whiskey in two crystal glasses, handing one to Jungkook before he sits on the other side. “I still never get used to it. Thanks for coming tonight.”

“Of course, man,” Jungkook answers.

He takes a sip of the whiskey, a much more expensive one than the one that’s hidden in the flask in the inner pocket of his jacket.

“Something’s been troubling you,” Namjoon comments after a small silence of both of them appreciating the whiskey. Jungkook remains silent, not knowing what to say. After a while, Namjoon says, “I invited Taehyung and Seokjin, but they were caught up at the restaurant.”

Seokjin’s restaurant. Where Taehyung and his jazz band play every now and then, offering live music to the patrons, and helping Taehyung get a good amount of listens on Spotify. Because Taehyung’s voice is smooth velvet, and Jungkook already can see his friend climbing the ladder to success.

“What about Hobi?” he can’t help but ask.

“His girlfriend was super sick, and he asked if I minded him staying with her.”

Jungkook thinks about Ryunah, and he makes a mental note to send a text to Hoseok later to make sure that the girl is okay. Because she’s his friend too – Hoseok has been dating her for so long that she’s become an integral part of the friend group too.

“And Yoongi said it was going to be too many people,” Namjoon adds.

Jungkook immediately bristles at the mention of Yoongi, and Namjoon cocks an eyebrow, never one to miss anything. Jungkook tries to play it cool by taking a swig of whiskey, but he highly doubts that it works.

“Yoongi is an introvert,” he says carefully.

Namjoon purses his lips, nodding once. “Are you still…”

He’s told Namjoon after the first time it happened. In a situation much like this one, though a lot more alcohol had been involved. So much that Jungkook had ended up spending the night on the couch of Namjoon’s loft, which lies on the third floor of this building.

“Once in a while,” Jungkook says, and he hates how his voice is clipped.

He knows he wears his emotions on his sleeve for all to see, and fuck he hates it.

“How has that been going?” Namjoon carefully asks.

Jungkook winces. He knows he can’t escape the truth, especially not when he’s speaking to Namjoon. “It’s fun. It really is, but I think it’s driving Yoongi and Y/n apart.”

“And what about you and Yoongi?”

Jungkook gulps, eyes falling to the desk between him and his friend. He doesn’t really know how to answer that question: he’s always seen Yoongi like a reliable older brother, someone that offers a helping hand when he needs it, but now he doesn’t feel like Yoongi would be inclined to help him all that much anymore.

Then again perhaps that’s not giving his friend enough credit. Because Yoongi knows about Jungkook’s crush on you, has known since the very first day, and he’s still been a good friend to Jungkook. Even if that very first night, Jungkook believed that you were meant to be his.

Some foolish, stupid part of him will always believe it.

*****

Five years ago

                The bar is filled to the brim with people who’d come to watch the Olympics on the big screens. Jungkook is squeezed in one corner, Namjoon sitting so close to him he’s been trying to mold himself into the wall to try to get some air. It’s not Namjoon’s fault – the bar really is too crowded, and they’ve been lucky that they’ve found a place to sit amidst the chaos.

Yoongi is seated across from Jungkook, Taehyung next to him, and Seokjin and Hoseok went to get a new pitcher of beer at the bar. Jungkook glances in that direction, trying to see his friends. They aren’t there, probably headed to the toilet first, yet Jungkook’s gaze catches on something. Or rather on someone.

He doesn’t think he’s ever seen someone as beautiful as you. Maybe he’s still concussed from his latest fight, though he was the one to come out of it as the victor. Had been the one to win every fight for a while, he reckons.

But you’re an angel brought to life. Beautiful hair framing your face, big eyes taking in the bar as if you’re waiting for someone. From the distance it’s hard to tell the color of your eyes, yet Jungkook thinks they are boring right through his soul as you meet his gaze.

The corners of your lips stretch in a mindless smile, as if it’s a reaction, and Jungkook thinks he’s been brought down to his knees. It hits harder than an uppercut to the jaw, and he can’t help but smile back, though he feels clumsy and young and stupid.

You look away, and he thinks he stumbles forwards, thinks he’s sprawled on the floor when Yoongi says, “Should we go get that fucking pitcher ourselves? I think Jin and Hobi went for a smoke.”

Jungkook meets Yoongi’s gaze, eyes slightly widened. Yoongi cocks an eyebrow in question, immediately noticing Jungkook’s state.

“Wh- what?” Jungkook lets out.

“What’s got you stuttering?” Yoongi asks, laughing. “Got hit too hard last time?”

Jungkook frowns, though he glances over his shoulder towards you again. “There’s a girl at the bar.”

As if he understood everything by that simple sentence, Yoongi says, “So you’re looking to fuck?” It’s teasing. It really is, so Jungkook doesn’t take it as an insult when Yoongi continues, “I thought tonight was for the boys.”

Jungkook feels his cheeks burning. “No I… She looks like she’s waiting for someone.”

Yoongi moves to the side, trying to catch sight of you. He nods when he does, before looking towards Jungkook again.

“She does.”

“Would it be stupid to ask for her number?”

“Whose number?” Namjoon jumps in.

Yoongi motions towards you. “That girl.”

“She’s hot,” Taehyung answers.

“Fuck, guys stop it,” Jungkook begs, embarrassment swirling in his blood. “I shouldn’t have said anything.”

“Just ask her for her number,” Taehyung insists.

Jungkook shakes his head, scrunching up his nose. “No, all good. Yoongi’s right, tonight is for the boys.”

“I can ask for you,” Yoongi suggests, clearly feeling a little guilty for bringing the other guys into the conversation.

“Bruh, he’s a boxer, pretty sure he can ask a girl out himself,” Taehyung jokes.

Jungkook loves Taehyung to bits, but sometimes he hates him too. Right now is one of those times. “Fuck off, Tae.”

Taehyung just grins from ear to ear, eyes bright with laughter. “Love you too.”

“Let’s just go get that pitcher,” Yoongi then says.

Taehyung whines as Yoongi pushes him, but they soon slide out of the booth. Namjoon doesn’t budge, and Jungkook watches the two other guys as they head to the bar. Taehyung says something in Yoongi’s ear, and Yoongi looks back towards them as he answers.

Though he’s far enough, Jungkook can read the ‘fuck off’ on Yoongi’s lips that makes Taehyung burst out laughing. Taehyung seems to insist, and Yoongi folds, catching Jungkook’s gaze once before nodding his head.

And then Jungkook watches them as they approach you. He’s never seen Yoongi flirt with anyone before, and he watches in horror or maybe awe as Yoongi leans against the bar next to you, saying something that prompts you to laugh, while Taehyung stands behind him to talk to the barman.

Even though the bar is crowded, Jungkook thinks he hears your laugh. It’s crystal clear, soft, and he wishes he could be in Yoongi’s spot. But he’s a shit flirter, usually only hitting on girls to fuck them. It’s always been easy to him, that part, but something about the way you carry yourself tells him that it wouldn’t work with you.

He forces himself to look away, letting out a groan. Namjoon turns his head towards him, a contemplative look on his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asks.

“Yoongi is speaking to her,” Jungkook says, motioning over his shoulder.

Namjoon looks in that direction, and says, “And they are looking this way.”

Jungkook glances over his shoulder right away, an anxious thrill moving through his body. He catches your gaze again, though you look away immediately. He’s pretty sure you’re blushing, though you shake your head no.

Jungkook looks away, feeling disappointed because you looked embarrassed. As if him wanting to have your number is an embarrassing thing. Or maybe he’s just overthinking everything, and Yoongi didn’t even mention him.

Taehyung comes back a few minutes later with a full pitcher. “Yoongi’s still talking to that girl,” he complains as he sits down. “She said no to give you her number, by the way.”

It’s the way Taehyung says the word, as if he doesn’t give a shit about it, that prompts Jungkook to look over his shoulder again.

Indeed, you’re still speaking to Yoongi. And you look like you’re enjoying yourself, laughing and smiling as Yoongi also sports that same comfortable attitude. It’s so rare to see Yoongi like this that Jungkook feels guilty for mentioning you, for acting as if he was entitled to you earlier.

When you rest a hand on Yoongi’s forearm where it’s resting on the counter Jungkook knows that he lost this fight. Not that it was a fight to begin with, but he still feels like he lost when Yoongi doesn’t come back for a while still, only coming back to them after Seokjin and Hoseok returned too, both smelling of cigarettes.

Yoongi sits at the head of the table, and Jungkook meets his gaze. He has a piece of paper in his hand and he hands it to Jungkook, causing silence to fall at the table.

“I got it,” Yoongi says, a smile gracing his lips.

Jungkook thinks that it’s the same smile Yoongi was offering you earlier, as if it’s lingering around.

“Ah, keep it,” Jungkook replies. “You two were clearly getting along.”

Yoongi frowns slightly. “Are you sure? I wouldn’t want…” he trails off, shrugging his shoulders.

“It’s all good,” Jungkook insists. “We never see you getting along with women, just keep it.”

“It’s because he prefers dick,” Taehyung jokes, and the table is a mixture of rolling eyes and loud laughs for a few seconds.

“Shut the fuck up,” Yoongi tells Taehyung, though his features are soft as he safely puts away your number in his wallet.

Jungkook watches the piece of paper as it disappears from view, and all he can do is just hope that he won’t regret his decision later on.

*****

The usual pain of his knuckles hitting the punching bag, of the recoil in his whole arm, is grounding. Jungkook goes through his usual routine, mind zeroing on the motions of his body, like the waves relentlessly hitting the shore. He’s just the vessel on this ocean, and each thump of his fists against the punching bag is satisfying, in ways words can’t explain.

It’s late. The world outside has gone dark, and Jungkook can see his reflection on the windows. From the corner of his eyes, he sees how precise each of his movements are, how fluid he is. Like a wave – never fully stopping, never lowering his guard. He knows this dance more than he knows how to breathe.

He started boxing when he got bullied so rough that going to school had started being dangerous to him, almost twenty years ago. Then, his small fists had barely been able to make the punching bag sway, but today he has to be careful not to let his strength go unchecked.

Yet he keeps going. The motions carry him, the 1-2-2-1 in his head a litany, like it’s a prayer to a religion only he knows. He doesn’t stop, doesn’t relent, doesn’t slow down, a machine more than a human being.

It’s the best way to evade his feelings. To find a place of cool calm where he can just be, he can just exist, instead of having to think and feel. Because lately he’s been feeling too much.

It’s been weeks since Namjoon’s gallery show. Since Namjoon asked if a wedge was created between Yoongi and Jungkook. And though Jungkook answered with the negative, the follow-up question Namjoon asked was haunting, and he doesn’t want to think about it.

So he goes faster, hits harder. Maybe if his punches are loud enough they’ll cover the sound of his thoughts. Or maybe he should have put some music on – the sound of his clipped breathing and grunts is haunting even to his own ears.

Frustration spikes in him, and Jungkook stops, grabbing the punching bag to keep it from swinging aimlessly. He leans his forehead against it, not caring that he’s covered in sweat and that his hair is clinging to it. He takes a few long breaths, focuses on the hammering of his heart in his chest, of the blood pumping in his veins.

And then he thinks of you, he thinks of Yoongi, and he’s right where he started this evening. Under you, under Yoongi, pleasuring the both of you while he was incapable of finding his own pleasure.

You didn’t say anything. Neither did Yoongi, or Jungkook. All of you pretended that it didn’t happen. That Jungkook hasn’t come in weeks now.

He’s just unable to do it with you now. Not that he doesn’t want to – he really does, but not being able to kiss you has been playing games on his mind, and most of the time he loses his erection before he’s been able to come.

He still feels pleasure. A lot of it. Far more than he’s felt in any sexual encounters before, but he just isn’t able to reach completion anymore. He thinks, when it’ll find him, maybe he’ll thank the God above, if there’s even one.

Or maybe he should be thanking the one in hell.

He sighs as his breathing slowly returns to normal, and then pushes away from the punching bag to head to where he left his water bottle and shirt. Indeed, he’s shirtless, and he watches his reflection in the windows as he takes off his gloves, and then gulps down the water. He isn’t as ripped as he was before he retired from boxing, but he’s still toned, defined muscles creating a play of shadows and lights on his chest and stomach. He’s proud of his body – proud of the way you look at him. Proud of the way Yoongi looks at him, with lust and attraction and a side of envy. Or at least Jungkook likes to tell himself so, because he looks at Yoongi with far too much envy for it to be healthy.

He empties the water bottle, before bending down to grab his shirt. Even though he’s sweaty, Jungkook puts it on, knowing he’ll throw it in the washing machine the minute he gets home. And then he heads to his locker, where he left his motorcycle helmet and keys, switching those with the gloves he always leaves here, and a second later he’s turning off the lights to the gym, before heading outside.

He locks the door, breathing in the fresh air of early spring, and then he walks over to where his bike is parked. He’s quick to mount the motorcycle, to push the key in the ignition, and his bike purrs to life. The vibration shakes through his entire body, and then Jungkook is shooting out of the parking lot, heading home.

The streets are empty at this time of night, and Jungkook enjoys the ride, even though it’s short-lived. First thing he does when he gets home is put everything he’s wearing in the washing machine, and then he takes a really long and hot shower, hoping to erase the feeling of you and Yoongi on him.

It doesn’t work. It never fully works, and here, alone in his shower, Jungkook can’t help the lust that takes over him. Can’t help the tightening of his balls and the hardening of his dick, but he ignores it, not caring that something aches in his lower stomach from the repetitive denied orgasms.

He steps out of the shower once the water has turned cold, grabbing a towel to dry out his hair before wrapping it around his hips. He’s about to step into his walk-in, which is connected to his bedroom, when he sees his phone lighting up where he left it next to the sink.

He frowns – who would text him at this hour? – before heading to the device. His heart sinks in his chest when he sees your name, mostly because you never text him so late.

Did something happen with Yoongi?

Apparently not, Jungkook thinks. Not as he reads,

[4:57 am] You: I’m sorry about tonight

Jungkook doesn’t know what you’re apologizing for. You’re always good, so good to him. His heart has just been playing with his mind.

[4:58 am] Jungkook: why? [4:58 am] Jungkook: don’t be sorry, you were great

It doesn’t take you long to reply. Or at least to start typing a reply. Jungkook watches the three dots appearing and disappearing for almost a whole minute before your text finally comes in.

[4:59 am] You: you didn’t cum [4:59 am] Jungkook: don’t worry about it

Maybe you’re drunk, or maybe the late hour has been getting to your head much like it’s been getting to his. Because your reply makes him so hard he thinks he might actually be able to bust tonight.

[5:00 am] You: i miss feeling you cum in me

Jungkook shuts his eyes, pinches the bridge of his nose as if that would change your reply. When he opens his eyes again, he sees that it hasn’t, that you really did say that. He doesn’t really know what to make of it. So he heads to his bed, takes off the towel and lies down, fully naked and skin still wet from the shower, right in the middle of the mattress.

[5:01 am] Jungkook: you’re filthy [5:01 am] You: only for you

He’s going insane.

[5:02 am] Jungkook: are you sure you should be texting me this shit rn? [5:03 am] You: honestly Idk. yoons is sleeping next to me

Jungkook oh so wishes it was him next to you. Him that would get to fall asleep in your bed, him that would get to fuck you in the middle of the night whenever you can’t sleep.

[5:03 am] Jungkook: I don’t think you should be telling me this when he’s not with us [5:04 am] You: I know [5:04 am] You: I agree [5:04 am] You: but I haven’t been able to sleep bc I’ve been thinking about you filling me up, and it feels wrong to wake yoons up for this [5:05 am] Jungkook: maybe u should wake him up. Maybe you can ride him with your eyes closed thinking that it’s me

Jungkook starts jerking off right then and there. He feels like what he’s doing is wrong, far too wrong, but somehow, he’s aroused by the thought of you unable to sleep because of him, because you want him so desperately.

You don’t reply for a while. And he doesn’t think he deserves a reply. He knows he’ll hate himself as soon as his lust passes, if it ever does.

So he shuts his eyes. Remembers the first time he felt your walls clenching around his dick, and he squeezes himself harder to try to reproduce the feeling. Nothing compares, but you’re there, printed behind his closed eyelids, and he thinks maybe he’ll finally be able to come.

His phone vibrates, and like an addict in need of a hit he quickly grabs it where he left it on his mattress. And when he sees what you sent, he goes into a frenzy he’ll only later describe as the stupidest moment of his life.

You sent him a nude. He can’t see your face, but your lips are on full display, your breasts the centerpiece of the picture. Your nipples are perked prettily, as if just begging for him to suck on them, and he squeezes his dick so hard it actually fucking hurts.

He doesn’t hesitate. He takes a picture of himself that he sends to you, the tip of his dick leaking with precum.

[5:09 am] Jungkook: I’m so fkg hard for you [5:10 am] You: just fucking cum, jk, it shouldn’t be that hard

The degradation in the sentence sends him flying over the edge, and he grunts loudly as he does come on his stomach. He picks up his pace, milks his orgasm as it runs through him, alighting every single one of his nerves with pleasure. He’s shaking when he’s done, feeling weak and blissed and like he’s just committed something unforgivable. He wonders if you feel the same, lying in bed next to Yoongi.

Something breaks. Something physically breaks in him and he hates it. Hates every moment that led him to do this, to do the irreparable to one of his friends. He reckons, if Yoongi hates him forever, he’ll deserve it. Because he knows he won’t be able to hide this from his friend, knows that…

His phone rings, breaking him out of his train of thoughts. To his surprise, and mostly fear, it’s Yoongi calling on Facetime. Jungkook swallows a lump in his throat as he answers, the camera obviously angled towards his face.

Yoongi appears a few seconds later, looking half asleep. “So you’re sending nudes to my girlfriend now?”

Jungkook feels tears burning in his eyes. “I’m so sorry…”

Yoongi laughs, and it breaks into a moan that makes the tears still in Jungkook’s eyes.

“She wanted me to…” Yoongi grunts. “Call you to show you what you’ve done to her.”

And then the camera flips, and it’s your ass on display as you ride Yoongi in reverse cowgirl. Every thought eddies out of Jungkook’s head, and he just watches, entirely forgetting that he’s covered in his own cum when you moan.

Yoongi’s cock glistens in the dim light of the lamp on your night table. You’re so wet Jungkook can hear it through the phone, and his arousal spikes, waking something in him.

“Why don’t you slap her ass?” he tells Yoongi, voice low and dark. “To punish her for what she did tonight.”

Yoongi doesn’t even hesitate. And he slaps so hard Jungkook can see his imprint slowly forming on your skin. It’s sinful, and he does feel bad because the sound you let out is slightly pained, until Yoongi massages your ass and you moan.

Then Jungkook disconnects from reality. Or maybe he dissociates. He knows he tells Yoongi what to do. Knows he tells Yoongi to fuck you in doggy style, to pull at your hair and mark your back with his nails. He guides his friend through the whole thing until his own dick is aching again, ready to go even though he already came. So he jerks himself off, the pain in his chest increasing yet he’s unable to pay attention to it. Unable to do anything other than watch you and Yoongi fuck like animals, until Yoongi comes and pulls out to let Jungkook see his cum dripping out of your cunt.

Jungkook comes at the sight. Not as much as he did earlier, but he still grunts and moans and curses as new cum meets the one that was already on his stomach. He feels even more disgusting, but you and Yoongi don’t seem to notice. Indeed, you invite Jungkook over the next day, and maybe he’s just a little too distracted to notice the shadows in Yoongi’s gaze.

Jungkook accepts the invitation, knowing that he’ll never be able to say no to you. And when you finally hang up, after having spoken for a few minutes, Jungkook barely has the strength to drag himself to the shower to clean up.

Once he’s lying back in bed, he feels like he’s spinning. Like the Earth has sped up, or maybe like he’s a mere sock getting tossed around in the dryer. It’s sickening, just like that feeling that’s clutching at his guts, and that’s been clutching at his guts for a while now.

Because his bed is empty, cold. His bed is always empty and cold. He doesn’t have you by his side, doesn’t have someone to warm up the covers. Hasn’t had anyone to warm up his covers in what feels like forever now.

And so his heart breaks, even more. It aches like acid was poured on it, and no amount of breathing techniques he’d used to get in the game before his boxing matches help. No, the tears win, and though he feels weak for it, he lets them free. Lets them be testaments of his feelings for you, of the loneliness that’s been creeping on him every fucking day since he felt you on his dick for the first time.

The car looms closer to the wall and tonight, Jungkook thinks it may very well meet its end sooner than expected.

Prev | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

*chuckles* we're in danger. What did you guys think about this one? I'm so afraid you won't like the direction this fic is taking :') let me know what you think!

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2023. Do not copy, repost or translate.

Taglist (add yourself to the taglist here) (strike-through means dumblr isn't letting me tag you):

@pamzn | @chimchimmarie | @miksandcheese | @bergandysam | @yoonmin-af | @genesistemas | @misfortune2012 | @mortal-body-timelesssoul | @pjkthjjk | @rtvbts | @slitheropen | @gimeow | @backseatana | @hellshoneybee | @whoa-jo | @agustdsciggy | @prettytaesworld | @shay-r | @kam9404 | @aretha170 | @qalable | @jeonn04 | @joonsmagicshop | @bxcndd | @babycandy111 | @hoseoksluna | @yedamies-blackswan | @yu-justme | @valhallawhispers | @baluega | @kuromikoooo | @burnahtsw | @gaby-93 | @mother2monsters |@nochelunaxx

Give this story some love, it’s a great story so far.

Can’t wait for part two 💜 it’s out very soon!

A Christmas Fix — 01 (m) | kth

⟶ Summary | One-night stands are supposed to be nothing more than just. It shouldn’t have involved seeing those two red lines looking back at you weeks later without a name or a contact number linking you back to your mystery man. Nothing more but his face. The unforgettable face that would sometimes appear in your dreams at night. So unforgettable that you immediately recognise him the moment he walks into your family home at Christmas, hand-in-hand with your older stepsister.

With special collab prompt: "the holidays aren't so bad with you around."

⟶ Title | A Christmas Fix

⟶ Pairings | Taehyung x female reader

⟶ Genre | Secret Baby!au, Second Chance!au, Strangers to Lovers!au

⟶ Ratings & Warnings | +18 / M for Mature; including: alcohol consumption, mentions of pregnancy, vomiting/morning sickness, surprise babies, miscommunication, profanities/swearing, minor body insecurities (implied), some family drama; involves multiple explicit sex scenes, including: sexual tension, one night stand, drunk sex (with clear consent), minor dom/sub dynamic, brat!reader, size kink, rough sex, light choking, restraint, hair pulling (M, F), protected & unprotected sex, fingering (F), oral sex (F), clit play, breast play, stripping, biting, minor hand job/groping, grinding, masturbation (M, F), dirty talk, implied pain kink, praise kink, body worship, marking, multiple orgasms (M, F), overstimulation.

⟶ Word count | 25,363 words (of 54,768 words)

⟶ Story Notes | Part of the Jingle All the Way collaboration with @leahsfavefics, @kithtaehyung, @kpopfanfictrash, @cybrsan, and @sugaurora | Written in 2nd person POV (in case you’re new to my writing, I don’t use ‘y/n’ coding as all of my lead characters are considered as OCs) | Moodboard was done by me | Posted in: January 31st, 2024 by @yoonia

⟶ Author Notes | I know that this is so late, but December has always been a rough month for me and this time it continued until January. I hope you can still enjoy this story regardless. Happy belated holidays and happy new year, my loves!

⟶ Jingle All the Way collab masterlist | A Christmas Fix: next chapter ⇢

⟶ Main Masterlist | Taglist | Feedback | Mailbox | Ko-fi

⟶ Read on AO3

One month ago…

You already had everything perfectly planned out when you first thought of this trip some long months ago. 

Everything. 

From your personal bucket list full of wonderful things that you wanted to experience during your time away and the places that you wanted to see, down to the smallest details that you could possibly think of to be able to enjoy every single moment of your secret getaway.

Just like the red dress that you had chosen to wear tonight. The dress you had meticulously picked and bought to wear on the trip as you went to celebrate your newfound freedom. 

In your well-thought-out plan, you were supposed to have landed on the tropical island you were headed to by sundown. The warm tropical breeze should have been embracing you at the start of your trip instead of the cold, chilly wind flowing right outside these walls. 

By this evening, you should have already settled in nicely in the comfort of your hotel room right by the beachside. The calming sound of the rushing waves outside your window was the sound that you should have been listening to while resting from your long flight. 

You had pictured yourself embracing your freedom in a foreign land. To feel the soft sand slipping between your toes as you were playing chase with the rushing waves, and to find calmness that you could only get far away from the treacherous city where you came from. 

The trip was meant to help you mend your soul. Perfectly planned out as an escape from reality and leave all of your past hurt behind before starting a new chapter of your life. 

And yet, no matter how thoroughly you had it all planned out, somehow life simply found a way to mess it all up. Just like how it had always been. So perhaps you shouldn’t have been so surprised when it happened to you again, just when you thought that you had everything under control. 

You should have seen the signs long before everything started crumbling down.

The sky that kept growing darker ever since you left the city. The constant turbulences happening during your first flight that made the trip feel intense. The unsettling feeling you met the moment you landed in this place for your transit. The constant announcements echoing through the airport about flights that were getting delayed and cancelled while you were getting no news about your transit flight’s departure. 

You should have been prepared to face reality, keeping in mind that life hadn’t been so nice to you lately to let you slip away that easily. Yet your stubbornness prevailed. And after your most recent predicament, you needed this trip to happen. You needed to be right. 

After all, you have made it all the way here. It would have been impossible for you to return home, wouldn’t it?

So you remained in denial and were so stubbornly holding onto hope that you would soon be taken away from this place towards your dream destination. Even when the world around you seemed to be falling apart. 

But after long hours of waiting, you were finally forced to accept your fate, letting go of any hope you had left to escape this place when they officially cancelled the rest of today’s flights due to unresolved weather issues. Including yours.

“I’m sorry, but we really can’t promise you anything at this moment. There will be no flights until the storm passes and our pilots are cleared to fly again. Until then, we have nothing to tell you.” 

The staff’s swift response to your inquiries about getting on the first flight available to take you to your destination only left you with a dead end. Even flying back home was no longer an option, only because that would only mean that you were admitting defeat. 

And that was how you ended up here tonight, stranded right between the daunting city that you called home and the paradise that you wished to be in until an unforeseeable future. Your dream of enjoying the night in the comfort of the beachside hotel room overlooking the wide, clear ocean, had been replaced with the reality where you had to spend overnight at the airport’s transit hotel that the airline staff helped book for you. 

You released a sigh as you leaned back against the elevator wall. Recounting the events again only brought back all the terrible mood you were having. And it didn’t help that the last message that your roommate sent you only reminded you of your setback. 

From Skye: Just checking on you on your secret getaway. I hope you’re having a blast right now. I wish you’d tell me where you’re heading so I can have a good reason to be jealous. Be safe!

Another sigh came from your lips as you wondered—

Now how am I supposed to answer her text? 

Before you could find an answer, the elevator doors opened as it reached the lobby downstairs. You put away your phone as you stepped out, and immediately got lost in your thoughts. Your mind once again getting too loud as it keeps you company. 

At first, you had no intention of hiding this trip from her. Yet all the circumstances leading to this weekend had made it hard for you to share anything to anyone.

You were planning to wait until you were finally there so you could surprise her with pictures from the beautiful beach or your comfortable hotel room. Showing her the pretty nighttime scene from the tropical island would have been a nice way to flaunt your secret getaway rather than boasting it when your fate had been filled with uncertainty. 

But instead of having an evening walk down the beach, you were trudging across the lobby inside an airport hotel, accompanied by the sound of your heels clicking on the marble floors instead of having sand soiling your feet. 

And the view outside the window that you got to see earlier had been nowhere close to the pretty beach with its white sand and rolling waves. Instead, you had a clear view of the dark night sky, painted with the raging storm and its blaring thunders so strong they almost caused the entire bedroom to shake. Neither showed any sign of calming down any time soon, leaving you with no other choice but to do what you could to enjoy your temporary stay.

And you were going to start doing so by having a quick drink to help you unwind for the night. 

The red dress that you were wearing might seem a bit excessive for a nightcap, but for a short while, it helped you forget where you were. It felt almost as if you were walking in a dream as you strolled down the lower lobby in search of the hotel bar. 

Entering the hotel bar, however, became another wake-up call. 

The bar was quite large for a transit hotel, accommodating the patrons filling the place tonight. You had hoped that you could have a dance or two with a friendly stranger before retreating to your hotel room to rest, yet the closed-off lounge area had more space filled with box seats than the open dance floor. The seating area was the only place in the bar which was dimly lit, allowing the guests some privacy while they settled in with their drinks. 

The small chandeliers glittering from the ceiling were far from the hanging lights that you pictured hanging in a beachside bar. Just like the one place you had seen pictures of while planning for your trip. The lights you were seeing here made the entire space beneath seem luxurious, spreading a soft golden glow over the wary faces trying to enjoy the night. 

The pulsing bass that came out of the speakers was enough to drown the sound of the violent storm happening on the other side of these walls, further helping to create an illusion that you were in another place. That you were somewhere else instead of being stranded inside an airport hotel, together with all the strangers who seemed to be facing the same fate as you did. 

You made your way towards the main bar, suddenly feeling hyperaware of your surroundings. Even without looking, you could feel people’s eyes following your movements. Yet you paid no heed to them. You were only here to quiet down the raging storm happening inside your head, after all. 

A strong scent of old wood took over the bar area. Mixed in with the excessive scent of air fresheners and cleaners, it was enough to remind you that you were miles and miles away from the beautiful island where you had been so desperate to be. 

Smoothing your palms down your red dress, you took one empty seat at the bar. You caught the bartender’s eyes as he walked past, and within moments, a glass of strawberry daiquiri ended up in your hand. 

This feels nice, you wondered to yourself as you sat back and tried to relax.

One sip of the sweet alcoholic drink was all that it took to refresh your mind. As the warmth from your drink ran smoothly through your body, any doubt and wariness you felt began to fade. 

The next sip of the drink managed to ease your thoughts down a bit more. It helped push away the reminders of your troubles to the back of your mind. Finding calmness, you took another quick look at your surroundings.

The seating lounge seemed to be filled with guests more than the main bar was. Stranded travellers like yourself. At first glance, the nicely dressed men in suits made it seem like you were in a bar downtown. As if they were nothing more than a group of businessmen seeking leisure on a Friday night with drinks. 

It only took you looking a few seats away from them for the illusion to shatter. Your eyes fell on a group of men and women wearing their summer clothing who were making a toast, acting as if they were at the peak of their vacation. 

Looking at the scene made you realise that you weren’t the only one feeling miserable tonight. You wondered just how badly these people here needed to forget. How many of them here might be similar to you, stranded in an unexpected situation while trying to escape reality? 

You raised your glass to hide your bitter smile. The smooth liquid continued to flow through your body and you slowly began to find some peace of mind. Before you knew it, you had finished your drink, though you weren’t exactly ready to return to your cold bedroom. 

“Can I order you another glass of drink?” 

A deep voice invaded your senses after a long period of silence, and it was coming from your side. You had been far too deep in your reverie that you didn’t even realise that someone had taken the empty seat right beside you at the bar. 

Curious to see this friendly stranger, you slowly turned around to look at him. And what you saw in him nearly took your breath away. 

A tall, lean man was sitting there. His slick hair had a few curls at the end of each strands, and he had combed them back, leaving nothing more than a few stands framing his handsome face that looked almost as if it had been sculpted by the fine hands of masters in art. His sharp nose and jawline drew your attention, while his deep and soulful eyes that appeared like pools of rich mahogany drew you in, as if he was hiding a story behind his intense gaze. But it was his plump lips that formed into a smile which caught your eyes the most.

At your silence that stretched out while you were busy being captivated by him, he raised his eyebrows. It made you realise that he was waiting for your answer. An answer to a question that you had so obviously missed. 

“I’m sorry?” 

He tilted his chin to point at your now empty glass. “You look like you could use another glass, and I’d love to get one for you,” he said with an amused tone of voice. 

Once again, his deep, velvety voice hit you deeply. It resonated through your body, and a shudder ran down your spine. You refused to believe that he was able to cause this effect on you solely through his voice or his pretty smile. 

But how else would you explain the reaction that was drawn from your body? 

I don’t think I’m that drunk already, you wondered.

It was probably the way he spoke to you which affected you so much. The way he was asking a question with pure confidence. As if he already knew your answer, and that it would be impossible for you to refuse his offer. 

And he wasn’t completely wrong about it. 

What remained from your sullen mood immediately shifted in his presence. And while you have no intention of turning him down, you decided that you were not going to make things easy for him. 

“An interesting offer that seems like such a waste for me to refuse,” you sweetly said to him, smiling as your eyes fell on his empty hands. “But how would a woman feel at ease to accept such an offer from a man who isn’t even holding a glass in his hand?” 

He squinted his eyes at you, which only made his gaze feel more intense. “Are you afraid that I might be planning to get you drunk?” 

You softly laughed. “Not sure if I should be so worried about that. Getting drunk tonight has always been my initial plan all along,” you coyly said, hiding the fact that it was never your intention to get wild tonight. But his appearance intrigued you enough to change your mind about ending the night so soon.  

The mysterious man remained oblivious to this as he laughed with you. His wide, almost boxy grin mesmerised you in an instant and you were once again left speechless. 

He waved his hand to grab the bartender’s attention. It was nothing more but a simple gesture, yet you were somewhat drawn to it. To him.  

While he greeted the bartender, you took the chance to have a better look at this man. You noticed that he was a bit different compared to the other men that you saw around you earlier. 

Dressed in a black jacket over his plain white shirt, he didn’t seem as sophisticated as the stranded businessmen in their flashy suits sitting together at the bar’s lounge. Yet he had a different level of confidence which was enough to make your cheeks feel warm. 

In your eyes, he was alluring, almost as intensely as the dark storm happening outside. And you couldn’t resist being pulled towards him. 

“Another glass of the same drink for the lady and a glass of grasshopper for me,” he smoothly spoke as he ordered the drinks for you.

The bartender nodded and went to work, while you slid closer to him. His fresh-scented cologne immediately hit you, and your confidence nearly wavered that you almost slid back. But then he caught you with his gaze as he turned back to you, giving you the kind of attention which boosted every bit of ego you had. 

“So you also prefer something light and sweet. How intriguing,” you teased him, bringing back his alluring grin. 

“Why do you think I came here to join you? It was obviously for the fruity drinks and to have someone to drink it together with,” he joked.

You rolled your eyes at him and smiled. Before you got to say something in return, the bartender came back with his order. The man took a sip of his drink first before you took yours. Once again, the sweetness from your drink swirled through your body, chipping away at the tension that had been weighing you down ever since the day’s saga began. 

“To be honest, I also thought that you were looking a bit rough.” His remark brought your attention back to him. The tease was gone from his voice. All that was left was a gentle concern that seemed genuine. “And you looked like you needed a friend. That’s why I invited myself to join you.” 

It makes you feel uneasy to think that you were being so transparent. So much so that a complete stranger like himself was able to see right through you. 

“You think so? Wait until you hear how rough I’m feeling inside as well,” you bitterly said to him, drawing a soft smile to his face. 

“That makes the two of us then,” he said to you gently with his eyes on his glass of drink. There was a forlorn look in his eyes as he slowly twirled the glass, causing the liquid to swish around before he took another sip from it. 

“Care to share?” you questioned him before you could stop yourself, only to pull yourself back. “Sorry, that sounds creepy. We just met and here I am, prying into someone else’s business,” you nervously laughed.  

His gaze softened when he looked at you. Furthermore, he also seemed intrigued. 

“No, not at all.” His voice was calm, and it somehow helped to calm your nerves. “I was just about to lend an ear in case you needed someone to vent to. I never expected that you would be a step ahead of me before I could make the offer.” 

The comment he gave you made you feel warm inside. 

“Mine’s a long story,” you bitterly said to him as you raised your glass, almost giving in to the urge to take a hefty drink and finish it off when everything started coming back to you again.

The reason behind this trip, why you were stranded here on your own, while being far, far away from home, and all the drama that had gotten in the way when you had been so desperate to get away from everything. 

Unsurprisingly, the man merely shrugged. “I’ve got time to spare. My flight won’t leave until tomorrow. And that is if they’re allowed to fly out of here at all.” 

You smiled at him. “Same here. I guess we’re both stranded here all night, huh?” 

He leaned in just then, invading your personal space and filling it with his presence. And you didn’t even mind it as you leaned into him, meeting him halfway to welcome him into your little safety bubble. 

“And I was worried that I might get stuck feeling lonely while being stranded in this place,” he gently murmured, drawing a smile to your face.  

“I doubt that you would end up alone tonight,” you teased him, simply because there was no possible way that someone as attractive as he was would be returning to his hotel bedroom alone. 

His smile grew, yet the deep, dark look in his eyes shifted into something else. Something naughty and sinful. It made you feel a new sensation brewing inside even without him ever having to touch you. 

“Is that an invitation?” he asked with his deep voice that came grazing at your skin. 

Normally, you wouldn’t know what to say in return. It had been so long since you played this kind of game with someone. With anyone. But his presence and his words were drawing something out of you. A part of you that you never thought existed. And you surprised yourself when you played along, taunting danger head-on as you challenged this handsome stranger before you— 

“Would you like it to be?” 

Something flashed in his eyes. It was dark and intense, and it was sucking you in. It brought a myriad of sensations that unexpectedly went straight down to your core. 

In the deep silence that fell right after, the world around you faded. Even before you got to know his name, before you had the chance to share your story, you already knew the answer that he was about to give you as a response to your question. 

And you also knew right then, that the sparks that came rising around you were something that you would never be able to easily forget, even if every bit of memory you had about him would fade over time. 

Present…

Why do I keep thinking about that night all over again?

You can only wonder, as you keep being reminded of that eventful night. 

Weeks, nearly a month have gone by ever since, yet the memories seem to have been engraved deeply in your thoughts. And today, even though you haven’t really been thinking about it since, you suddenly find yourself having no trouble recounting everything that happened then. 

Well, almost everything. 

Some parts may seem blurry now. All due to the passing of time and the fact that you were partly inebriated at the time. But you can still recall some parts of the night that had clearly left a strong impression on you—the first encounter and the conversation you shared before alcohol took over, the instant attraction that you felt, but most of all, his entire presence. 

And they all have been coming into your thoughts while you are sitting here in the corner of your bathroom. Alone. With your arms wrapped around your folded knees and your eyes closed. As if you are waiting for a miracle to happen. 

You scoff at the thought. 

Right. Miracles. 

Years have long passed since you stopped believing that miracles do exist. Life always has its way of blindsiding you with its twists and turns that miracles no longer seem to matter anymore. 

Not for you, at least. 

Your past experiences have only caused you to look at it with sceptical eyes, sometimes even with bitterness, knowing that life has never been on your side. 

But here you are now, wishing, praying, holding onto hope that there would be a miracle to stop you from getting into a messy situation. One that you know you wouldn’t be able to handle on your own. 

After all, the perfect season of miracles is right around the corner. So it wouldn’t be so wrong for you to have some faith in them again now, would it? 

Your phone starts blaring with the sound of the alarm, snapping you out of it. Slowly, you rise on your wobbly feet. It feels as if your entire body has grown numb even before you get to face reality as it comes glaring back at you. 

Clutching onto the edges of your bathroom counter, you try to hold yourself together, and immediately failing, as you look at the two thin white strips lying on the cold counter and feel your entire world tilting off of its axis. 

All because of the two red lines that are clearly visible on each strip.

“Oh, fuck,” you softly groan. Deep down, you had already predicted this. Yet you kept denying it, hoping that you would be wrong.

“No, no, no—” you continue murmuring to yourself while wishing that you could somehow turn back time and change everything before things started going the wrong way. 

Back to this morning, when your roommate caught you—once again—throwing up last night’s dinner before handing you the unopened pregnancy test packs that she has been keeping safe in her room with the premise, “Just in case.” 

Or maybe you could return to last night when she pointed out your odd cravings—like dipping apples into peanut butter and eating leftover mac and cheese straight from the fridge without warming it in the microwave first—and joked about how you have been acting like a pregnant woman with your mood swings. 

Better yet, you wish you could go back to that night, back to that many weeks ago, when you allowed yourself to fall for a stranger’s charm which led you to spend the night with him. 

You close your eyes, once again murmuring to yourself, “This has got to be a dream.” 

But the moment you open your eyes again, nothing has changed. You are still standing there with your hands holding tightly onto the edges of the bathroom counter. And the two pregnancy test kits that you used are still lying on top of the counter for your eyes to see. 

A rapid sound of knocking on the bathroom door sends you jumping back. 

“Hey, ______? Is everything okay?” you hear your roommate, Skye, calling out for you. Her voice seems calm, yet when you recall hearing the sound of her footsteps moving back and forth outside of the door while you were taking the test, you know that she has been waiting just as anxiously as you were. “So—? What does it say?” 

Still in shock, and quite stuck in denial, you open your mouth only to have no words coming out of you. Your brain feels a bit hazy as you walk up to the door and open it for her. 

Skye takes one look at your face and her gaze softens. “What did it—” She shakes her head. “Oh, never mind, I’m dying to know. Let me see it,” she says as she brushes past you before you can say anything. 

Hoping that there is a chance that reality can change within the next few seconds, you refuse to turn around and once again close your eyes while she suddenly grows quiet.

Maybe you were just imagining things. Maybe you weren’t even looking at the test properly. Maybe—

“So, uhm—” you can hear Skye’s voice trembling a little as she hesitantly asks you, “Two lines mean it’s positive, is that right?” 

And just like that, every bit of hope you have in you flies out the window. “I wish I could say that it’s the other way around,” you softly murmur, feeling defeated. 

And the feeling grows stronger when you hear her cursing under her breath,

“Well, fuck.”

“What are you doing?” you ask Skye as you gingerly take a seat on the sofa. 

Once you both stepped away from the bathroom, she guided you to the living room while she sauntered away to the kitchen without a word. You can hear the noises she makes as she is busy rummaging through the counters. Yet you are too far away to see what she is up to. 

“Hang on a minute. Stay there,” she calls out without even looking. 

“Okay.” 

It’s not like you have any energy to go anywhere, after all. Your head is still spinning and you can barely feel your legs. It feels as if you are stuck in a bad dream and you just can’t get out of it. 

It doesn’t take long before Skye returns to your side, carrying with her two clean tall glasses in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other. It was the same bottle that you opened when you celebrated your promotion a couple of weeks ago after coming back from the trip. 

Holy shit, you inwardly cry out. Your heartbeat rises as your hands find their way to your stomach. 

“Okay, let’s try to calm down,” Skye says to you as she places both glasses on the table before you, although it seems to you more as if she is talking to herself instead of reassuring you while you are panicking inside.

A couple of weeks ago? Wouldn’t I have been already pregnant then? 

These thoughts keep running through your head as you watch your roommate pouring wine into both glasses, just like the night she did the same when you first opened that same bottle. 

Dear God, how much did I drink that night? You ask yourself with a grimace as you try to remember. 

Wait, no. I didn’t drink anything, you remind yourself. Relief washes over you look back at the celebration night where you barely took a sip before Skye took the glass away from your hands. 

Because you were already feeling sick that day. 

You had been feeling nauseous for days, throwing up once in a while and mostly on the days when you were lacking sleep because of the workload you had to handle for the upcoming promotion. All you ever did was wet your lips with the wine after the celebratory toast. That was the only contact you made with the drink before Skye replaced it with a tall glass of alcohol-free smoothie that she made especially for your ‘upset stomach’.

Of course, how did I not see the signs? You wonder again as you remember the sickly feeling you had after vomiting each morning and feeling powerless for the rest of the day. It even got so bad that you had to skip work for a couple of days at the beginning of your ‘sickness’. 

If only you knew then. 

Your eyes are still on the wine glasses as Skye places them side by side and puts away the bottle. 

“Uh—I believe we both just saw the two lines appearing on the test packs.” 

She lets out a light scoff and waves her hand at you. “They're both for me. I’m going to need them while I process this,” she says, shaking her head as she sits down to join you on the sofa. “You get to keep that smoothie.” 

You follow her gaze and look down at the glass of smoothie that you left on the table during the whole fiasco with the pregnancy test. While you pick up your drink, Skye takes a hefty drink from one of the glasses of wine and sits back. 

“So—you’re pregnant,” she murmurs to herself. Her gaze flickers to your face for a brief moment and nods to herself before taking another drink. 

Why does it seem like she is the one panicking? 

She releases a sigh. Neither of you says anything for a moment. But you can tell when she grows more anxious by the minute. You don’t understand why, until she carefully asks you, “Are you going to tell Han?” 

Confused, you look at her with your brows furrowed and ask, “Why would I tell Han that I’m pregnant?” 

Skye looks genuinely confused, almost as much as you are, and you only realise the reason why when she asks you, “Isn’t Hansol the father? You guys have been dating for a long time and I can’t remember ever seeing you with anyone else while you’re on a break.” 

You wince, realising too late that you have yet to tell her the truth.

“Actually—we’re not on a break,” you slowly admit with a low voice. Months have gone by, and even though it no longer hurts whenever you start thinking about your failed relationship or to mention your ex’s name, you cannot help but still feel bitter about how it ended and you hate talking about it. 

That is the reason why you haven’t said anything about it to anyone. Maybe you were just too embarrassed. After all, it isn’t so easy to admit that you may have been the reason why the four-year relationship fell into pieces. 

“I lied,” you say with a burst of deep sigh, “It was over, done, finished—”

“So you already broke up?” she cuts you off with a calm voice. 

You bite your bottom lip as you slowly nod your head. “Yeah,” you whisper, suddenly feeling like your throat is tightening up. Not because you feel the sudden urge to cry. But only because this is all becoming too much to take at once.  

“And the baby?” she carefully asks you. “It wasn’t Han—” 

“The baby isn’t his,” you quickly answer before she even gets to question about it. 

It’s hard enough to hear his name being mentioned after a while. It feels harder to think that you might be carrying his baby. 

But the moment those words come out of your lips, reality finally sinks in. Grabbing the glass of your drink, you take a hefty drink out of it. You wish there was some alcohol in this thing. Maybe it would have helped you think more clearly. 

That’s right. It couldn’t have been his.

Sighing to yourself, you begin to do the math. “We’ve been broken up for months, so if the baby is his, I’m sure I would be showing already by this time around,” you say this while gently rubbing your palm over your stomach. 

Now that your suspicions have been confirmed, the gesture feels almost natural to you that your hand simply moves before you realise it, though it helps confirm that nothing much has changed with your body.

It feels odd to think that there is a life existing inside you, yet you cannot really see it with just one look. This convinces you further that the baby couldn’t have been conceived while you were still dating your ex. Looking back to it now, once you remember when exactly the sickness and craving started, it would only make sense that the baby was conceived on that specific night. 

“So—if Hansol isn’t the Dad, then who was it?” 

Biting your lip, you turn to look at Skye. Of course, if there is anyone in this world that you can talk to about this, it would only be her. Just like how she would come to you first whenever she is in a bind, whether it’s about her relationships, about work, or even the smallest things like having a bad day where you end up sharing a tub of ice cream to feel better. 

After all, she isn’t just a roommate, but also someone you have known the longest compared to the other friends you’ve made since moving into this city. You have known each other since college, since back in freshman year when both of you were nothing more but young kids from small towns being thrust into the big city. 

Being put together in the same dorm room led you to become fast friends. After years of enduring the same hardship in college, the two of you remained so close that you even moved to this city together and continued to live in the same place to keep each other company. 

You have gone through everything with her, and you have always been honest with each other. It should have been easy to tell her everything. If only you could find the right words to begin sharing your story. 

“I have no idea where to start.” 

“Well,” Skye patiently says while twirling the glass of wine she’s holding. You squint your eyes at her when you find it almost empty. So unfair. “Why don’t you start from the beginning?” 

“Right. From the beginning,” you say this with a nod. “Do you remember when I went away last month?” 

She nods. “Your secret getaway. Still jealous of that, by the way.” 

You give her a small smile. “Yeah, well—there’s a reason why I insisted on going alone on that trip. I actually planned it as a surprise vacation for me and Hansol. The original idea was for us to have a romantic getaway for our fourth anniversary.” 

Skye raises her eyebrows. “Well, damn,” she mutters. “Let me guess. You broke up before it happened?” 

You grimace as you recall what happened. “Close enough,” you answer with a bitter smile. “It was because of the trip that we got a huge fight in the first place.” 

Skye tilts her head. “I’m not following.” 

Sighing, you drink your smoothie to cool down and swallow the bitter feeling you are suddenly getting. Recounting the break-up isn’t so much fun to do. Not even after this long. 

“I planned the entire thing on my own. Booked the flight and the hotel, and rearranged our schedules to fit each other so we could go on that exact date. But I never shared anything with him, except to confirm that it was a place that he also dreamt of going so we could both enjoy it together.” You let out a defeated sigh. “I wanted it to be a surprise. He used to love those in the past, so I figured it could be fun to celebrate our anniversary this way and get away from all the stress both of us had been getting.” 

You stop talking for a moment to remember those days. Both you and Hansol had been so busy back then that you could barely spend time with each other. 

It was the exact routine every day. Having long hours in the office and since you weren’t living together, you could only keep in contact with each other through texts and calls. By the time the two of you were able to see each other, all the stress had been piling up that you were almost always arguing and fighting instead of making up for all the time you missed while being apart. 

“We were talking about moving in together but all of a sudden, we stopped discussing it and I could feel us growing further apart. I thought going away from all the stress for a while would help us get along and make up for all the fighting. Maybe we could have had a chance to talk things out and figure out what to fix.” 

You stop with a soft sigh. “We were getting bored. With work, with life, and maybe we did get bored with each other but neither of us could open up about it, much less admit it. Not even to ourselves.” 

Skye lets out a groan. “This is why I don’t do relationships,” she mutters before finishing her drink. The first glass. With the second one waiting on the table.

You give her a scoff, but smile at her comment before continuing, “He found out about the trip by chance. I was still logged in on his laptop after I borrowed it to check on my work email while I was staying over on the weekend. He accidentally opened the booking details when he was checking his email, thinking it was his account. He suspected me of planning to go with someone else, but even after I told him that the trip was for both of us, he wasn’t having it.” 

Skye leans forward when she hears this. “Wait, he’s pissed about a secret vacation?” she asks, looking unhappy and confused at the same time. You can’t really blame her. Because that is exactly how you feel about your ex’s reaction. “Why would he be? If it had been me, I would’ve been ecstatic about going.” 

“I wish I knew,” you groan, feeling just as frustrated as you had been then. “But he wasn’t just refusing to go. He started blaming me. Saying something about me holding him back or something. He said he had no time for a trip when he needed to be there and work for his promotion.” 

Thinking back to that day, remembering about the fight and the things you said to each other, you are reminded of the moment the fight left your body. Because you knew then that there was nothing left to fight over. 

“He never even brought up the fact that it was the date of our anniversary. I don’t think he even knew or remembered it,” you say with a bitter chuckle. “He broke it off, saying that he wanted to focus on his career and I would be keeping him behind. And I agreed because I knew that we’d wound up hurting each other if we’d stayed.” 

“I can understand that,” Skye gently says. The two of you share a sad smile when your eyes meet. “And you still went on that trip,” she guesses, sounding proud. She lifts her glass to you and says, “Good girl.” 

You merely shrug. “When I went to cancel the tickets for the trip, I thought it would be such a waste to throw everything away. So I decided that going solo would be a good idea and kept mine. Besides, I needed a moment to heal myself and get away from the city for a short while.” 

She laughs, agreeing with you. Then, just as she is about to say something, she suddenly stops. A knowing look comes across her gaze and she slowly gasps. “Don’t tell me—” she says, “You met someone while you were there.” 

You nod your head slowly and press your lips together. “Once again, you’re close. But that’s not exactly what happened.” Blowing out a deep breath, you slowly ask her, “Remember when I told you that I got held up for a day in transit?” 

“Yeah, I was so jealous of you that I still remember everything you told me about that trip,” she lets out a dreamy sigh, then her gaze snaps back at you. “But, it seems to me that you haven’t told me everything about the trip.” 

“No, I didn’t.” You grimace. “Anyway, that’s when I met him—” 

The memories return to you again as you share with your roommate about your encounter with the beautiful stranger. You remember vividly the way he spoke, the deep and gentle voice that he spoke to you with, and his captivating smile that made you swoon. Everything about him that made it hard for you to leave and say goodbye to him. 

You recount the way you enjoyed each other’s company that even after your terrible mood gradually became much better, and after you finished yet another drink, you simply couldn’t walk away and end the night with him so soon. You stayed longer, losing count of the time you spent with him and the drinks you had. 

“And then, one thing led to another, it just happened.” 

Skye’s eyes have grown so wide at this point, and her jaw has dropped in her surprise that she looks almost comical. “You hooked up with a stranger during your transit?” she asks you. The moment you nod your head, she switches her empty glass with the other. “I would drink to that.” 

You laugh just as she takes a hefty drink as if celebrating on your behalf. “Why do you sound so proud of me?” 

“Well,” she slowly starts, “We’ve known each other for so long. You have always been so put together, always followed the rules, and you are always so good at what you do. From school, to work, even the little things you have been doing on the side. But not when it comes to your sex life.” 

You know that she is right about everything. But it doesn’t stop you from picking up a cushion and hitting her with it. 

“Hey, you know I’m right,” she says while laughing and protecting the precious glass of wine. “Come on, you’ve never had any casual relationships or random hookups, and every chance I could have gotten to hook you up with my guy friends was gone when Hansol came into the picture.” 

Pouting, you pull the cushion back and hold it tightly in your arms. “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” you admit with a sigh. “How do you get to know me so well?” 

“That’s because I love you enough to pay attention,” she smugly says while waving her glass around, sloshing the wine everywhere. “Why do you think I’ve been so protective of you over the years?” 

You roll your eyes and hit her with the cushion one last time, making her laugh, even though she is right. For as long as you have been friends with her, she has always been like an older sister to you. Not only for coming hard like a shield against the guys you ever introduced her to but also for the trivial things that not many people would pay much attention to. 

Like reminding you to eat properly when you are stressed out or too busy with work and school. 

You feel bad for relying on her so much over the years. But you also feel grateful about it. Just like how you’re feeling right now once you notice that you’re no longer feeling as stressed as you had earlier once you’re done dumping everything to her. 

Skye’s eyes turn back to you, landing on your covered belly as she curiously asks, “Are you positively sure that Hansol wasn’t the father?” 

You slowly nod your head. As much as you wish that you were wrong, you couldn’t have been mistaken about this.

“What are the odds that it was a false positive?” you suddenly question her, while she shrugs. 

“It’s possible,” she says. “But we can get some more test kits and redo the test. Just in case. Or you could make an appointment with the doctor straight away to make sure.” 

“Right, the doctor—” You let out a soft sigh and close your eyes briefly. It has been a while since you’ve seen your physician. The last time was before—

Oh, shit. 

Your eyes snap open right then. How long ago has it been since you’ve gone to see your physician? The last time was when you went to your regular appointment for your birth control. But that felt so long ago. 

Long before the trip. 

After that appointment, and once the break-up happened, you simply threw yourself into work so much you completely forgot about everything else. And since you were newly single, getting your birth control was the last thing you had in mind at the time. 

Fuck me, you inwardly groan without saying a thing to your roommate who is busy chattering about the doctor, making appointments, and offering to take you there herself. You know that she would lecture you about safe sex like a mother hen if you ever share this with her.

But wait…he wore a condom, right? Yes, you are quite sure he did. The details are blurry when you try to remember, but you do remember protection being involved. 

Groaning to yourself, you fall back on the sofa. Your head starts spinning again when you start worrying about other things. Once you start thinking of a problem that you may have to face, another one comes to mind. 

“What am I supposed to do with this baby?”  

Skye once again raises her eyebrows at you. “I think the right question should be what do you want to do?” she asks, while you can only shake your head.

“I don’t know,” you answer with a small voice. The only thing you can think of right now is how you are going to get through this holiday while being pregnant. You are supposed to be home for Christmas in two weeks, and knowing just how crazy your family truly is, you cannot imagine how they would react if they found out you are with a child. 

You close your eyes and let out a sigh. “And my family still have no idea that I broke up with Han.” 

“For once, I’m not jealous of your life,” Skye says as she sips her wine. But she is ready for it when you fling the cushion back at her and avoid it without spilling her drink. “Don’t worry. I think they’ll catch on about your failed relationship as soon as you walk into your family home without that hunk by your side.” 

Huffing, you hug the cushion in your arms and lean back. “I guess if they’re going to find out either way, I might as well just tell them the moment I got home.” 

Besides, it might be even harder to hide the fact that you are pregnant. You might not be showing yet, but there is no possible way you could avoid the questions that may come if you are still feeling so sick right in front of your family, or if your cravings suddenly get out of hand. 

Especially if Honey is there. Despite the early signs of dementia showing on her lately, your grandmother has always been so perceptive. And there is no telling what random things she may blurt out once she has some rum in her system. 

With so many different things to think about, you almost forget one important matter that you should be thinking about when it comes to the baby. And just like always, Skye is there to remind you of it. 

“Do you remember his name?” 

You turn to Skye with wide eyes, suddenly panicking inside. You can tell that she can see it on your face and is now sharing the same feeling when she suddenly knocks back the rest of her wine and groans, “Fuck, I’m gonna need more.” 

You watch her pour more wine into her glass, hastily drinking it right after, before turning to you again. “You didn’t get his name? At least tell me that you got his number before you went separate ways.”

You bite your lips. “It’s Tae.” 

“Tae—what?” 

You shake your head. “That’s it,” you let out a frustrated sigh. “That was the only name he ever gave me.” 

“Seriously?” 

Skye is freaking out, you can tell. But you close your eyes and rest your head back, shutting everything down as she starts ranting about how she was supposed to teach you better about hooking up with strangers and keeping yourself safe. 

With her voice turning into white noise at the back of your mind, your memories return to you, taking you back to the eventful night. 

You can almost feel yourself being back there again—back in the cold hotel bar with the scent of old wood and liquor lingering in the air; the murmuring sounds of people chatting and laughing, accompanied by the sound of glasses clinking together resonating through the space around you; back to his presence that felt so strong and intense you could barely feel anything else other than him as long as you had your attention fully on him.

“What’s your name?” You remember him asking you with his voice that grew more gentle and deeper the more he drank. 

You leaned into him and giggled in response as if he just said something funny to you. “Does it really matter?” 

His soft chuckle rumbled around you. The voice was so soft, yet you could hear it clearly because of how close you were leaning into him. “I’m sure I remember being taught not to talk to strangers.” 

“Are you telling me that you’ve been a good boy for listening to what your Mom taught you?” you teased him. It was obvious how tipsy you were at this point, which may have been the reason why you were growing more confident. 

“Oh, I’ve always been a good boy,” he answered you while looking amused. He went silent right after. His gaze seemed far away just for a fleeting moment before he finally said, “My name is Tae.” 

“Tae? That’s it?” you asked, “Is that a codename or something?” You feigned a surprise gasp before you leaned into him further to whisper, “Are you secretly a spy?” 

You felt his chest rumbling when he softly laughed. “Something like that, yeah,” he said, as he played along with your joke. 

But the moment you leaned away from him, you were surprised when you got to see something in him that you couldn’t see before. His guard was down, allowing you to see the vulnerability that was buried deep under his suave and smooth talking. 

For a brief moment, he looked broken. Just like you did. 

And from the way he was hiding himself, not only under the short nickname but also from the way he was masking his emotions, you could tell that he was looking for an escape from reality. The same way you did that night. 

So you simply smiled at him, choosing not to pry further to see beyond the mask and play along. Because at the same time, you wanted to hide your broken heart and become someone else to be able to forget everything. Just for one night. 

“Then you can call me Red. It’s my special codename for tonight.” 

His grin widened. You could almost see the relief washing over him through his warm gaze when he looked at you.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you tonight,” he said, still with his gentle voice that almost felt like sin licking on your skin when he called you, “Red.” 

Two weeks later…

“Here you go,” your mother’s voice snaps you from whatever stupor you have been stuck in. When you open your eyes, a glass of ginger tea has manifested right before you. 

“Drink this,” your Mom says as she points at the drink. “It should be good for your stomach.” 

Your breath gets caught in your throat. Furrowing your brows, you keep your eyes on the drink instead of reaching for it. Thoughts of those past mornings when you and Skye spent searching through the internet to find a way to get rid of your morning sickness come through your mind. 

Does she know? Did she figure it out already? Is it really that obvious? 

You clench your hands and resist the urge to rub against your stomach. It has become a habit of yours to rub around your belly as if trying to feel the baby that is hiding inside whenever you feel agitated.

After getting the positive results through the home test kits, you had gone straight to the doctor only days before you left the city to have it checked, confirming that a baby is growing inside you. It still feels unbelievable to think about it, even after you saw it yourself with your own eyes. 

“It’s still really early, and we might not be seeing much yet, but that’s your baby,” the doctor’s voice echoes through your mind as you tighten your clenched hands, thinking back to the day you went to have an ultrasound and saw for the first time the growing fetus that was said to be viable to grow fully as a baby. 

Just like how the baby inside you has been nothing more than a blob of mass floating inside your stomach in your mind, your belly itself has yet to change shape. Even if your full awareness of the baby’s presence has only been causing you to find small changes in your body that nobody else might be able to see. 

But Mom has been pregnant before, so wouldn’t she be able to see it? Will that be possible?

“Ginger tea is good for nausea and will give you some energy boost. Your grandma always made it for me whenever I had a stomach ache. I’m sure it’ll help get rid of your nausea and your upset stomach will turn better in no time.” Your Mom stops talking and sighs. “You should’ve told me that you were sick. I wouldn’t have let you drive all the way home if I had known.” 

Ah. 

You breathe a sigh of relief. You should be thankful that she believed you when you told her about having an upset stomach from the long drive home from the city. It was the only thing that you could think of as an excuse when your Mom wondered why you hadn’t been eating well since you got back home and why you were feeling sick.

It makes you wonder why you have been feeling unwell since you got home. Just when you had purposely waited until you were well enough and had stopped throwing up when you planned for the drive. 

It’s almost as if the baby is deliberately making you sick to let everyone know about your secret.

“Thanks, Mom,” you say to your Mom as you reach for the tea, hiding your relieved sigh as you gingerly drink in small sips. 

You have lost count of how many times Skye has made you this drink specifically to stop you from vomiting in the morning before going to work. It has been helping a lot to ease your ‘sickness’, and you are feeling it calming your stomach already as the drink warms your body. 

You can feel your mother’s eyes on you, making you feel uneasy to be under her watchful gaze. “I think it might be better if you get some rest and take things easy. But are you sure you’re okay?” your Mom asks again, still worrying about you. 

You continue drinking the ginger tea slowly while pressing down your guilt. You hate lying to your Mom the most, and now you are starting to regret driving home on your own. If the baby hadn’t been the one responsible for your current sickness, then perhaps driving the long distance has been the reason why your nausea is now coming back with a vengeance.

So much for trying to not draw any suspicions. 

“I’m fine, Mom. Really,” you sigh as you place the glass down. “The tea is helping me already. I’ll feel better soon, I promise.” 

Your Mom says nothing for a moment, but the crease you see forming on her forehead says differently. “I’m not just talking about you being sick. Maybe there’s another reason why you’re feeling faint?” 

You look up at her just then. The moment you catch the pitiful look she is giving you, you finally understand what she is trying to say. 

Just as Skye predicted, it didn’t take long for your family to take notice of your solo arrival. In the past, Hansol would have joined you to visit your family for a day or two during the holidays before he would return to his family on Christmas day. So his absence was quite obvious from the get-go. 

And with the big lie that you have to hide from everyone at home, you had to at least give them one honest truth the moment they started asking. 

“We ended things a few months ago,” you admitted to your family during the first dinner you had since you got home. By that time, you had already tried to avoid the questions for long enough. Nobody has brought up about it again since then. 

Until now. 

“If you’re talking about the breakup, there’s nothing to worry about. I’m okay, Mom. It’s been months since it happened. I’ve been trying to move one.” 

In fact, you haven’t been thinking about your ex at all for a long time. Not until you brought it up to Skye and then again when your family started questioning. The only thing you have been worrying about lately is the baby growing inside you and finding a way to search for the father of the baby. 

It was the one thing that you talked about with Skye before you left. While you are capable enough to raise the baby on your own, you decided it would be the best course of action to contact the father and let him know.

In Skye’s own words, “Just in case.” 

Just in case the father would care enough to know that he has a son or a daughter coming into this world and wants to be in their life. 

“But if we fail to find him or he wants nothing to do with the baby, then we’ll deal with it on our own. You just got your promotion, I got my good pay. We can raise the baby together. You and me, just like old times.”

Skye’s words put a smile on your face. She always knows how to lift your spirit up whenever you feel like giving up, and those exact words have helped boost your confidence and made you believe that you could get through this. 

But first, you just need to get through spending this holiday with your family. 

“I know you said that. But as your Mom, I can’t help but worry. I thought you were serious and we’ll be hearing some good news about you getting married this year.” 

You resist the urge to roll your eyes. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen. Sorry, Mom,” you tease her with a bitter chuckle. You don’t bother to mention that the two of you had never once talked about marriage throughout your relationship.

Yet another sign that you overlooked. At least you never got to waste anymore time with him.

“Things just didn’t work out between us. It happens when a couple grow into two different people in the course of their relationship. Which was exactly what happened to us. Hansol wanted to focus on his career, in return, I also got the chance to focus on mine.” 

Just as you said the words, you realise that this is true for your case. 

Hansol has always been career-driven, and it has been growing stronger lately for him with the constant rise he was experiencing in his current company. And breaking up with your long-time boyfriend has allowed you to turn your focus on your job. The recent promotion you gained was a testament to your hard work to show you that there might be a silver lining to everything that has happened. 

“I suppose you’re right,” your Mom says with a smile. You are beginning to feel a bit relieved that she seems to understand. You are hoping that she would start talking about something else when she adds, “I just feel sad that it didn’t work out for you. And we were all expecting to have Hansol joining us again this year. I guess it’s too late now to let your sister know about this since she’s supposed to arrive today.” 

Stepsister. 

You lift your glass and slowly drink your tea to stop yourself from correcting her. For some reason, you feel a bit bitter having your mother mention her all so suddenly. 

It isn’t that you hate your stepsister. It’s hard to feel something so extreme when you barely had any relationship with her at all. Back when you were younger, your mother did try to get you two to get along and be friends. 

To make her happy, you tried your best to act friendly, or at least to be cordial whenever she was around, even when the only thing she showed you over the years had been nothing but contempt. 

But things changed after a drunken fit that she had last holiday season, when she got drunk and tried to make a move and openly flirted with your then-boyfriend. Even if nothing ever came out of it except for her own embarrassment, as Hansol openly rejected her and stayed away from her for the remaining time he was here, the incident still left a bad taste that made you feel bitter. 

That was when you finally decided that you would stop trying to be nice.

You put down the glass and try to remain calm. What’s done is done. All you have to do is focus on getting through this holiday before going back to the city and start with your mission to search for the baby’s father.

“What does Alia have to do with my break up?” you ask your mother, hoping that she wouldn’t bring up the drama from last year. 

“Oh, it’s nothing serious, really,” your Mom answers with a soft chuckle, “It’s just that Alia called home sometime last week, asking if she could bring someone over this Christmas. She said that she’s been seeing someone new and since she was bringing him to meet her mother, she wondered if it would be okay if she could bring him along to meet us too.” 

Your Mom sighs, looking a bit guilty when she adds, “We figured since you might bring Hansol with you, it would be okay if she has her new boyfriend along. Maybe the guys could get along and spend time together while you and Alia catch up.” 

You try to imagine you and Alia catching up like old friends or—just like what your Mom has been wishing you to be—as sisters, and you almost shake your head. 

Yeah, that seems unlikely, you bitterly wonder to yourself, yet you don’t have the heart to tell your mother that there is not much hope for you and Alia to be good friends. 

“I guess it’s a shame that Hansol isn’t here,” you simply say to your mother while you inwardly wonder just what your stepsister is really up to this year. 

“Yeah, it’s unfortunate,” your mother says with a sigh. “But I’m glad that at least both of you girls can make it home this year.” 

“Me too, Mom,” you force a smile, silently hoping that you can start talking about something else. Something that doesn’t concern your bitter stepsister coming home or bringing up any dark thoughts about your ex. “So, what are we having for dinner? Want my help in the kitchen?” 

Your question immediately puts everything into motion, drifting her attention away from your sappy story and the false hope of sisterhood that may never happen between you and your stepsister. Your Mom tries to stop you from helping out in the kitchen at first but finally gives in when you keep insisting. 

At least, this way, you can keep your mind busy enough to stop it from thinking about unnecessary thoughts the way it often does when you are alone. 

Things seem to be going on well enough at first, until your sickness returns and you have to give up trying. 

”See, I told you that you should be resting until you feel better,” your mother complains as she watches you bending over, keeping away from the stove and what is currently cooking on top of it which seems to be making you feel dizzy and sick. 

After garlic, lemon-scented air freshener, and coconut milk, seems you are going to have to add raw chicken to the list of things that may trigger your nausea.

“But then I’ll be bored like hell,” you argue, “I’m fine, Mom. Just let me take a quick break for a minute.” 

Your mother looks as if she wants to say something, but the sound of a car coming into the driveway interrupts her. Both of you turn to look out towards the living room, just in time to see your stepfather, Cliff, turning in the corner of the hall and rushing towards the front door. 

“Honey, they’re here!” he calls out, and you urge your mother to join him. 

“Go, Mom. I’ll finish things up and make sure nothing gets burned before I join you guys.”

Once your mother is out of the kitchen, you can no longer resist pressing your palm on your stomach. 

“Seriously, baby,” you whisper to the non-existent bump under your sweater, “Please take it easy, will you? I’m really struggling here, and you’re not making things easy for me. Trust me, it would be too soon for everyone to find out about you. At least wait until we can find a clue about your Dad, okay?” 

As if the baby inside you is listening, even if it is still barely full-grown at this point, your body grows calmer and the nausea slowly wanes. 

“Thank you, baby,” you whisper to your stomach once again before finally focusing on the stove and the oven, deliberately taking your time with what you do just so you can have a reason not to join the dramatic reunion happening right this minute. 

From this side of the kitchen, the front door isn’t completely visible. But you can hear everything as the door opens and your stepfather joyfully welcomes his daughter. 

Hearing his voice makes you smile. You may have had a tumultuous relationship with your stepsister, but the same cannot be said with your stepfather. Cliff has always been a great role model, and your relationship with him has always been great from the start. 

It makes you feel guilty when you think about the previous encounters where you and your stepsister simply gave each other cold shoulders or when you were met with altercations just because of how different the two of you are. But there is no helping it. Nothing has changed over the years no matter how hard you tried. Not even once you have become adults. 

You can’t even remember how it first started. And frankly, you no longer care. Last year’s incident was already enough to let you know that the sisterhood that your parents have been forcing you into was beyond saving. 

The voices coming from the front door continue for a moment longer. This time, you get to hear your mother’s voice joining in the conversation and Alia’s soft voice answering her questions. You make no effort to listen to what they are saying and tune out their voices, until your mother’s voice calls out to you. 

“______, your sister is here. Come and say hi.” 

Your mother’s words make you stop. Slowly, you turn down the heat on the stove and turn to make your way towards the front door to join the family reunion. 

“It’s stepsister,” you mutter under your breath as you drag your feet, taking your sweet time while you try to compose yourself before having to face the unwanted guests. 

As you turn around the corner, merely moments before the front door finally comes into view, you get to hear another voice speaking. The voice that you couldn’t clearly hear from the kitchen while you were tuning their conversation out. 

“I’m sorry for intruding. But thank you for having me here.” 

That voice. 

You immediately come to a halt. An uneasy feeling runs through your body when you realise that you recognise this voice and have grown to know it quite well. 

There is no mistaking it. You may not have gotten his full name on the night you met, and his face has somewhat become a faint mirage in your dreams at night whenever you are taken back to the night of your hookup.

But you cannot say the same about his voice. 

That deep and gentle voice will always be engraved in your memory. Even now, the only thing you would need to do is close your eyes and listen, and allow the voice to take you back to that specific night once more, where he used this voice to say sinful words that you could feel caressing your fragile heart while he was bringing you to the peak of pleasure.

And now you are hearing that voice here, at your home, idly chatting with your mother by the front door. 

“_______, are you coming?” your mother calls again, and you know that there is no avoiding it. You have to face reality, even if that means you must come face to face with the man who is responsible for placing you in this situation.

Tamping down the rush of nerves going through your body, you slowly march ahead. Bracing yourself as you turn around the corner and enter the living room where everyone is currently gathering in.

Your eyes fall on your stepsister first. 

Alia has always looked so vibrant and beautiful, drawing all kinds of attention from everyone in the room whenever she is present. Yet when you look at her now, there seems to be a new kind of light emerging from her. Even her smile seems brighter as she chats along with your stepfather.  

And you soon realise the reason why she is shining brightly today as you turn your gaze to look at the person standing beside her. To finally see him. 

He looks just like how you remember him. Tall and lean, with his arms and chest filling up his sweater. He has his hair falling over a part of his face, just enough of a mess that seems as if he has been running his fingers through the wavy strands. As he converses with your mother, he shows his boxy grin that seems familiar to your eyes. 

Too familiar. 

Because it looks just the same as the wide grin that was teasing and flirting with you on one eventful night at the transit hotel weeks ago. 

No. That can’t be.

The baby’s daddy is here. The man who you were planning to look for once you return to the city. 

He is here, today, appearing at the front door of your parents’ home together with your stepsister. His long fingers that had once entangled between the strands of your hair are now entwined with your stepsister’s dainty fingers. And there is no mistaking the matching couple rings that are glowing under the sunlight coming from their entwined hands. 

Before you get the chance to process what is happening, you hear him introducing himself to your stepfather, “It’s good to see you, Sir. My name is Taehyung.” 

No. 

You stifle a gasp. It feels like you have been sucker-punched right in the chest that you can barely breathe. 

Taehyung, you wonder. Tae? 

All of a sudden, you feel as if the ground beneath your feet is tilting over, slowly taking you down with it. And since you seem to have lost the ability to move your feet, the only thing you can do to stop yourself from falling is to clench your hands tightly by your side. Tight enough to feel pain as your nails are sinking into your palms, convincing you that this is not a dream. 

Yet you are still in denial as you watch the interaction happening right before your eyes. Because there is no way this is happening. There is no possible way that it is truly him. 

Please. Please don’t let it be him. 

It must have been your mind playing tricks on you. Because there is no way that he is here. Not as your stepsister’s new boyfriend. 

This must be a mistake. Yes, you are probably confused and all the thoughts of finding your baby daddy are messing up with your head, forcing you to believe that your stepsister’s new boyfriend is your mysterious baby daddy. The fact that they have the same name must have been pure coincidence. 

For once in your life, you don’t want to be right. You have to be wrong. 

Please tell me that it’s not him. 

Just then, as if life was listening to your prayers, as if life has yet to have enough of its games to play around with your heart, the man turns his gaze away from your parents. And those pretty eyes land on you. 

As if there is a switch turned, the brightness in his gaze fades. His beautiful eyes are filled with recognition. It is so subtle that you are quite sure that nobody else around you notices it, but it is enough to let you know that your memories have been right all along. 

Because those are the same eyes that you saw looking back at you with pure lust and sin while he was bringing you wanton pleasure, when you made love as if both of you had been under a spell, right on the very night that may have changed your fate forever. 

Fuck. 

Me.

At one glance, this moment would seem like any other pre-holiday family dinner. It may seem picture perfect, even—if you had been a stranger looking in. 

There are still a couple of days left until Christmas Day, yet the festive mood has already filled the room. From the living room, all the way to the dining room, Christmas decorations are already plastered across the walls and hung from the ceiling. On the dining table, the delectable meal that your mother worked hard to prepare—with your poor assistance—had been perfectly laid out. 

With Alia’s arrival today, the immediate family is now complete. Ever the charming daughter, Alia takes up the attention of everyone around her as she shares her story—about how she has been travelling between different states and some neighbouring countries, changing jobs, finding new hobbies, and even planning to adopt a new pet. 

Sitting at the head of the table, your stepfather is soaking it all in, enjoying the time he has with his daughter whom he rarely gets to see throughout the year. Your mother sits on his right, getting the front seat of their merry reunion. She would sometimes chime in, never failing to try to get you into joining their idle chat even when you are not feeling up to it. 

Other times, you would have been able to easily play along. From making cordial comments and joining with all the light jokes shared by your family, or feigning interest in anything that Alia might be sharing at the table—even when she rarely would share the same courtesy when you did the same. 

Tonight, however, it feels like a struggle for you to focus on the conversation shared at the table, let alone pretend to be interested. Not when you are busy trying your best to calm your nerves. 

You can't even embrace the same warm atmosphere that everyone seems to be sharing. 

For you, the air around feels stifling and tense. It has been this way ever since you sat down right next to your mother for dinner. Because due to the seating arrangement, the special guest of the night is now sitting right across from you at the table. 

Taehyung. 

The last person that you had ever expected to see. Not here. Certainly not at your home or sharing the same space with your parents. 

It seems surreal to meet him here like this. Even more so when he was introduced to your family as Alia’s new boyfriend.

Judging from the way he reacted when he first saw you, you can tell that he never expected something like this could ever happen. You know that he has questions, perhaps just as much as you do, yet the situation that you found yourself in right now isn’t allowing you to even show any sign that the two of you know each other or to have met before today. 

But there is something in the way he is looking at you that doesn’t sit right with you. Aside from the lingering shock you see each time your eyes accidentally meet each other, there is a look that shows a semblance of guilt, despair, and at the same time, filled with wonder. 

Was it because he never expected to see you again after that night, much less to find out that you are somehow related to the woman that he is dating? Or was there something else going through his mind? 

“This is Alia’s sister, ______,” was what your mother said when she first introduced you to him. At that point, you and Taehyung were stunned to silence, and for a brief moment, neither of you reacted. 

Thinking about it now, you can’t even remember how you managed to join your family in the living room. The moment you saw Taehyung standing there, your legs nearly gave out. It was a wonder how you managed to stop yourself from falling or tripping as you walked over to them in a state of distraught. 

“Hi, it’s good to see you,” was all that you managed to croak out of once you snapped out of it. You didn’t even give him a chance to respond when you suddenly turned your attention to your stepsister, forcing a smile on your face when you greeted her, “Hey, Alia. It’s good to see you. You seem well.” 

You can’t even remember the expression that Alia gave you when she responded to you, “Uh yeah, thanks. You too.” 

“Right. Well, I’ll let you guys settle in. I left the stove on, so—” 

That was the last thing you said before you turned away and quickly left the room, practically running away from him to hide back in the kitchen. The last thing you heard as you walked away was your mother’s voice saying something about you being her assistant of the day in the kitchen while you were feeling unwell, as if excusing you for your unmannerly attitude. 

By the time you got back in the kitchen, your hands were shaking, your heartbeat was racing so fast you could barely breathe. It took a long time for the shock to wane, and you had spent the rest of the day staying away from both of them, avoiding him entirely until you were finally called to join dinner. 

And you are still avoiding him even now, keeping your head down as much as you can and resisting the urge to look his way. As if it isn’t hard enough for you to have him sitting right in front of you, you can feel the heat of his gaze constantly following you whenever you are not looking.

He doesn’t make it so obvious, and it doesn’t seem like anyone else has noticed it yet. Perhaps you are just too hyperaware of his presence that you caught on to it so easily.

You sneak a glance at your stepsister, wondering if Alia has taken notice of her boyfriend’s wandering gaze or where he has been directing his eyes. It takes you watching the conversation between her and your parents more closely to see it. 

Because it turns out that she also has her own gaze wandering to questionable places at the same time that she isn’t paying much attention to her boyfriend. 

Each time Alia turns to regard your mother or speak to her, her gaze flickers away briefly, ever so subtly landing on the seat to your right. At the seat that Hansol would usually occupy whenever he joined you during these holiday visits. 

It is easy to catch it when you are seeing it from your angle. And it is easy to guess what is going through her head when she keeps doing it with a curious look written all over her face. An unspoken question seems to linger, while the incident from last year keeps flashing through your head when you picture Hansol being present beside you. 

Even if nobody notices her intention, you doubt that anyone would question her about it, seeing that the seat that was supposed to be left empty has been taken by someone else. 

While you are busy trying to make sense out of everything, your grandmother makes a disapproval noise with her tongue, grabbing your attention. “Are you still feeling under the weather? You’ve been drinking that boring thing the whole day,” she says, referring to the glass of iced tea that you have just put down after taking a drink from it to cool down. 

You turn to look at your dear grandmother, Honey, and smile at her. She probably hasn’t realised what a saving grace she has been for taking the unoccupied seat to your right the minute she came in for dinner. 

And she is now helping you again by drawing your attention away from the source of your dismay. Immediately, you feel better the moment you are met with Honey’s smile. 

“I’m feeling much better, actually. I’m just being careful not to drink anything that might get me sick,” you answer carefully, hoping to sound reasonable enough without making anyone question your ‘sickness’ any further. 

The more you lie to your family about it, the more guilty you feel. You don’t have much choice at the moment but to hide it just a bit longer. 

At first, you couldn’t share the news with your parents simply because you were still clueless about how you were going to find the father of the baby with only limited information you had of him. But then things only got even more complicated for you to ever come clean when he walked through the front door of your parents’ home. 

What are the odds that the man you hooked up with turns out to be the man your stepsister is currently dating? And here you are now, stuck in the same room with them while hiding a secret which may change the course of everyone’s entire life.

Yeah, miracles don’t exist. Not for me, at least.

Honey taps at your hand on the table as you grow silent, oblivious to the thoughts running through your head. “You know what you need?” she asks, whispering in a conspiring tone that she barely keeps down so that everyone at the table can still hear her voice. 

And she does it while looking at you with her wide, expecting eyes, with the barely concealed mischief written all over her face. It makes you smile, knowing where this is going. So you simply play along. 

"No, Honey. What would that be?” 

Her mischievous smile widens as she leans closer. “A hint of rum. With a few drops into that boring tea of yours, you’ll feel better in no time,” she says, lifting her hand and showing you a pinching gesture with her thumb and forefinger nearly touching each other, “Just a pinch. Or better yet, just trade your whole glass—” 

The sound of your Mom’s frustrated sigh cuts her off. “Mom, I already told you, giving her alcohol isn’t going to make her feel better. I’ve already given her some herbal tea, that should be enough until she can get a proper rest.”

“Oh, posh,” Honey says, waving her hand at your mother. “Ignore your Mom,” Honey says just as you are about to respond. “I’m telling you. Alcohol is best to cure your heartbreak,” she adds, and you certainly have no arguments against that. Alcohol might be able to help you forget. 

But, alas…

But, wait a minute. You stop and look closely at Honey. What is she talking about? 

“What do you mean?” you question her while tilting your head, wondering deep down if she had noticed something. Surely, she wouldn’t be able to tell the high tension rolling between you and Taehyung through dinner. 

Nobody else could. But you also know that if there is anyone in your family who might be able to catch on with the tension rolling between the two of you, it would be Honey. 

Once again, Honey reaches out and taps her dainty fingers on the back of your hand. “Isn’t that why you’re feeling down, peaches? I know you’re still thinking about that good for nothing—” 

Honey stops herself and bites down her smile before you can figure out what she is about to say. But you have heard enough to understand who she is referring to. 

Relief washes over you when you realise that she was talking about your ex, Hansol. She must have thought that you have been stressing over the breakup and you have been feeling unwell because of it.

Honey leans in, this time lowering her voice just enough only for you to hear. “You must’ve taken it from me. I also get a stomach bug when I’m stressed out. Just like last summer when I lost a go-stop game against the ladies from the block,” she says, before she continues blabbering about how she had made bets during the game and went all-in only to lose everything. 

“You might think that they’re nothing but small pennies used for gambling coins, but I spent a whole week collecting them. How am I supposed to replace all of them before the next game?” she continues to complain, while you laugh at her. 

Her story takes away the tension on your shoulders for a brief moment before she adds, “And then you had to come here and watch these two being all lovey-dovey with each other.” 

As Honey mentions the pair sitting across the table, waving her hand at them to make a point, your eyes are drawn towards them once more. And your gaze lands right on Alia’s hand which is now resting on top of Taehyung’s. 

Seeing this makes you feel tight in the chest. Bitterness fills your mouth which you can barely hide with a tight smile. Honey may not have been entirely correct with her assumptions, yet her comment still hits the mark somehow. 

Not about Hansol, obviously, as he is the one to occupy your mind the least. Yet she wasn’t too far off when she talked about the new pair of lovers before you. Seeing them does make you uncomfortable, miserable even, but for entirely different reasons. 

Looking away from their joined hands, your gaze meets Alia’s. She is wearing an unreadable expression on her face as she listens in to Honey’s words. And the strange look that she is giving you now is making you feel uneasy.

Just as you start wondering if Alia has noticed something, she instead asks you, “You guys broke up?” 

She throws a quick glance at Honey’s seat with a frown. For others, she might seem concerned, yet there is a look in her eyes which tells you that there is something more. “I was wondering why I haven’t seen him around. He was with us last holiday.” 

Her comment rubs you in the wrong way. You have no idea why she would care when your relationship has nothing to do with her. But you try to not let it bother you. “Yes, it’s been months now since we broke up. I only told Mom and Dad yesterday when I first got home.” 

“I see,” she says. Her voice comes out so softly that it almost comes out as a murmur. She pulls her hand back and places it on her lap. “That’s too bad. I’m sorry,” she adds while offering a small smile. And for some reason, she also seems guilty. 

Does she think it has something to do with what happened last year? 

Her words remind you of something that she said to you last year, back on the morning you confronted her after her drunken blunder which happened the night before. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t mean anything, I swear. It’s just drunk talking.” 

That incident shouldn’t be bothering you today. Yet it still makes you feel bitter when you think about it. The feeling only grows worse when you glance at Taehyung who is showing a sudden interest in this whole thing. 

“It’s fine. Sometimes things just don’t work out,” you simply repeat the same thing you said to your mother earlier while biting back the real question that is hanging right at the tip of your tongue. 

But what’s in it to you? 

No matter how curious you are to know what kind of scheme that is going through her pretty little head, you know it’s not worth all the drama that it might cause. You cannot even possibly imagine the drama that would unfold once this whole baby thing comes out.

God, just thinking about it is already making your stomach churn. Your lower abdomen suddenly feels hard and heavy. As if you have a full-size lead inside instead of a small, growing blob that is about to form into an actual living baby within a few weeks from now. 

Thinking about the baby, your eyes find the man who is behind all of this. He has grown oddly quiet while you were conversing with your stepsister and is now staring at his food with a frown on his face.

“So tell me,” you ask calmly while clenching your hands, doing your best to hide the trembles, “How did you two meet?”

This question immediately draws Taehyung’s attention. His eyes snap up, but the moment he looks at you, his face seems to grow pale and he becomes awfully nervous.

“We, uh—we used to work at the same company before Alia left to venture into other things,” he says, almost stuttering. He also keeps stealing glances at Alia, as if begging her to help him out. 

Huh, strange.

What is it about answering your simple question which makes him so nervous? 

Or perhaps…

Have they been seeing each other when the two of you hooked up? 

Fuck. 

The moment this thought crosses your mind, you suddenly feel sick. Your stomach grows heavier with anxiety. Meanwhile, Alia’s smile seems to beam brighter. 

“We didn’t work in the same division back then, but we would frequently meet during breaks and company hours. Had it been, what, a year after we last met?” Alia turns to Taehyung, who stiffly nods his head. She grabs his hand once again and looks at him lovingly as she continues, “We met again last summer by chance while I was travelling and started talking since then.” 

Last summer? But that was before—

Your head starts spinning. You grab your glass and take a couple of small sips of your tea to regain composure, yet the drink suddenly tastes bitter on your tongue. 

Honey’s voice barely registers in your brain when she responds with a hum. “Travelling in the summer? That sounds like a charming way to meet a new lover,” she says, lifting her mug to her lips as she continues marvelling at your stepsister’s story. “You must have felt some sparks when you two met. I bet you’re still feeling it now, aren’t you?”

You have no idea what she has inside that ceramic mug, as she had been nursing the same drink since even before dinner started. You can bet money that she had more than a pinch of rum dropped inside that drink of hers, seeing how talkative she is becoming. 

Oh, how you wish you could have a taste of it. Just a sip would have been good enough. Maybe it can also help to stop your hands from trembling. 

“And the ring?” Honey asks again with a teasing tone as she points at their entwined hands. “I noticed that you two are wearing matching rings. You can’t possibly be engaged already, can you?” 

Almost choking on your drink, you slowly set your glass back down and pull your hands onto your lap, hiding them from prying eyes just in time as they begin to shake.

“But it wasn’t that different back in the day,” Honey continues, “I remember that Russ—that’s my dear late husband,” she explains to Taehyung, “he bought me a cheap ring at the beginning of our relationship to show me and my parents that he was serious about courting me.” 

On any other times that Honey would speak about your late grandfather, you would always enjoy listening to every word, admiring how she would always share her story with pure love in her voice and wonder glowing in her eyes. 

But not this time. 

Ever since she pointed out the ring and started talking about your grandfather’s old promises, you start having trouble breathing. The more she speaks, the worse it gets, and now there is a ringing sound echoing in your ear that seems to be coming from different directions. 

“I still keep the ring with me, side by side with the wedding ring that doesn’t fit anymore on these wrinkly fingers of mine,” Honey keeps gushing. She raises her hands and starts wiggling her fingers to show them off, while your whole body grows tense. 

Alia shares a nervous laugh with Taehyung and waves her hand at Honey. “Oh, no…it’s actually a part of a joke that we—” 

You try to tune out the voices, the words that are being said, while clasping your hands tighter together on your lap, but the shaking doesn’t stop. Alia’s voice fades in and out beyond the loud ringing in your head as she continues to tell her story about how they started dating and the ring came to be. With everything that is going on, added with your awareness over Taehyung’s intense gaze that doesn’t seem to waver, it becomes too overwhelming that you feel as if you are slowly being swallowed into the ground beneath you. 

With a sharp gasp, you slowly push yourself out of your seat. “Excuse me, I have to—” your voice cracks as you speak. As you stand, you notice that everyone has their eyes on you, all curious to know what is happening with you. 

“_______?” you hear your mother calling you.

You can feel the blood draining from your face under all the unwanted attention, making you wish that you could just fade away right at that moment. But then your hand find its way to your stomach, and it almost feels like there is a touch of warmth forming under your palm. It helps you force a smile and gather yourself just enough to say, “I’m sorry, but I’m not feeling well, so I’m going to step out early. I hope that’s alright. You guys enjoy the rest of dinner.” 

You don’t wait for anyone’s response as you turn away, finding your escape merely moments before you get into a full-blown meltdown right in front of everyone. 

Your legs are wobbly as you walk down the hall, yet you still manage to slip into the guest bathroom downstairs. With trembling hands, you lock the door behind you, shutting yourself from the world outside. 

And that is when you fall apart, turning into a heaving mess as everything that you have been bottling up inside comes flooding out of you. 

“Breathe,” you command yourself while you fight back against your nausea. Holding onto the bathroom counter, you keep yourself and try your best to focus on controlling your breath. 

Take a slow, deep breath. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. 

Little by little, all the tension, the trembling, and the tightness in your chest begin to wane. But once everything is gone, once you begin to find calmness, your emotions seize control of you.

The next thing you know, an unstoppable flow of tears comes running down your face and you start sobbing, crying in defeat. 

“Shit. Fuck. What a mess,” you curse between each sob, feeling absolutely helpless and alone. You close your eyes, hoping that you can clear your head by doing so. Yet your mind keeps going to dark places. Constantly wondering and questioning about all of this. 

About him. 

“Did he ever mention anything that was related to his personal life that night?” you cannot help but wonder out loud. 

Only silence answers. Because you hold little to no recollection of the details from the conversation you shared with him that night. Whenever you try to remember, it always feels like there was a part of your memory that had gone missing. 

You haven’t had the slightest clue of the things you shared with him at the bar once the drinks started coming more frequently. Which is a wonder, because you are completely sure that neither of you had gotten drunk enough to experience a blackout, much less lose a memory.

At least for you, the alcohol was just enough to burn through your nerves and help build your confidence to take the lead and openly show the attraction you had for him. Even if he did end up taking back control the moment the two of you finally gave in to temptation. 

Your head starts pounding, aching the more you try to remember the missing details. Meanwhile, all the questions won’t stop coming, making it harder for you to regain a peaceful mind.

Did he ever mention having a girlfriend, or at least give any hint that he was taken? 

Was he wearing that ring on his finger when he was touching your skin under the dim light of his bedroom suite? 

You shake your head and close your eyes again when you still remember nothing. The only thing that remains in your memory is the look you saw in his gaze that night. The pitiful look that seemed to mirror yours, making you believe that he was looking for the same thing you did that night. 

An escape. A way to forget even if for a moment. 

But what if that was all just another lie? 

Your stomach churns. A sharp pain comes shooting through your body. It starts from your lower abdomen, causing you to almost double over. 

Fuck. Now what? 

Your hand instantly comes down to your stomach, pressing and rubbing gently against it until the uncomfortable ache ebbs under your touch. 

Right, I’m supposed to avoid any form of stress, you remind yourself as you recall what your doctor told you the last time you went to see her. Something about getting your blood tension rising when you are stressed, and that it wouldn’t be good for both you and the baby in the long run. Closing your eyes, you try to think of happy thoughts, all while keeping your palm pressed on your stomach.

To your surprise, rubbing your palm against the barely-there baby bump on your belly isn’t just helping you to soothe the pain away, but also to calm yourself down. 

With a sigh, you gently wipe your tears and look down. “I’m sorry for swearing so much, baby. I promise to stop doing it once you’ve grown big enough to start hearing things so you won’t learn any of it too soon. But fuck, this is too much.” 

It feels odd to speak like this to the living being growing inside you that is barely more than a piece of flesh. Yet speaking to your growing baby seems to help ease your anxiety a little. 

Better yet, it helps make you feel less alone. 

“Let’s not think any bad thoughts. Let’s not assume that your Dad is an asshole, okay? Not until we get to hear the full story,” you whisper to the tiny human growing inside you. The more you speak to it, the more it seems to be helping you to find some ease of mind. 

But even if it turns out that he was…

“Then I can deal with it later with my head held high,” you murmur to yourself in a soft, yet reassuring tone of voice. And you repeat it again, and again, almost as if you are chanting a spell which would be able to give you a boost of confidence. 

It may not immediately change the way you look at things, yet you can feel it slowly rising within you. It feels like a ray of light, the first spark of hope that you get to feel amid all the uncertainty which surrounds you.

Soon enough, the strong urge to cry no longer overcomes you. Even your hands have stopped shaking. All that you have left is exhaustion. It rolls through your body with a vengeance, and there is nothing that you want more right now other than to curl up like a ball on your bed and sleep it off. 

You raise your head to look at yourself in the mirror, and instantly a bitter laugh escapes you at what you are seeing.

Because you look like a complete mess. Your life is slowly turning into shambles, and it seems to be mocking you through your own reflection that is now staring back at you. 

“Just exactly what I need,” you whisper with a sigh.

I need to be stronger, if only for the sake of this little one in me, you tell yourself as you splash cold water at your face to wash away all the mess—the drying tears, your swollen eyes, and the skin on your face which has yet to regain its normal colours. 

It feels therapeutic to be washing everything off, leaving nothing more but your swollen eyes which you can explain as a part of your sickness. You may not be strong enough to take on the world, but at least now, you are prepared to face the reality that is waiting for you right outside of this door. 

No matter how fucking messy it is. 

Having this new revelation should be giving you a newfound credence that could push you forward. And yet there is none of that here. The only thing you are feeling now is the new bout of anxiety rolling up through your body, starting from your stomach as it churns painfully.

“Yeah, now I feel sick,” you groan as you rush to the toilet bowl, seconds away before you start dumping the small amount of food you had during dinner into waste. 

It takes a bit longer than expected before you finally find the courage to step out of the bathroom. 

Soft murmurs filter into the bathroom the moment you open the door. You can tell that the voices are coming from the living room, which means that the family has gathered there after dinner. It allows you to breathe a sigh of relief. At least this way you wouldn’t have to hide or make excuses if you have to bump into someone on your way to your bedroom.

Stepping out of the bathroom, you are relieved that nobody is around. Everyone should be in the living room, so you make haste, hoping to be able to escape before anyone notices. 

But as you turn to the next hallway, someone is standing in your way. The light is dim, yet you can easily recognise him before you get any closer. Standing with his back leaning against the wall, he has his hands tucked into his pockets and his eyes looking absently into the distance. 

As though he has been waiting for you. 

Taehyung turns when he notices you coming. Before you can start to wonder what he is doing here, a smile grows on his face.

“Hey, is everything okay? Everyone was worried,” he asks you, sounding genuinely concerned. 

The calm tone of his voice might be a bit deceiving if only you are not looking into his eyes. His gaze keeps wavering as he speaks, as if he is unable to look at you for too long. The same guilt you saw earlier is still present in his eyes. And you hate seeing it there. 

It only tells you that he has a secret that he is keeping from you. You have no idea how to feel about it. But if it has to do with his relationship with Alia, then—

“I’m fine, it’s just—” 

Your cheeks grow warm the moment you speak, feeling embarrassed at how dry your voice sounds. “It’s nothing. You heard my Mom, I’ll be better in no time.” 

You have so many things to say to him. So many questions that you would like to give him. But you are too tired to do anything. Much less to talk. As much as you can convince yourself that you are ready to face anything, now is not the right time to do it. 

So you keep your mouth shut and try to walk past him instead. Only that he isn’t letting you go that easily. 

“You know, it really is nice to see you again, Red.” 

His voice sounds so subdued that you almost miss it. You come to a halt. Your heartbeat starts picking up again. If you ever needed confirmation that the sinful night you shared with him truly happened, and that he remembered any part of it, then this is it. 

His comment which instantly brings you back to that fateful night. The nickname that he used to call you then.

You close your eyes, refusing to remember the way he managed to draw out a myriad of sensations with his voice alone. You refuse to be brought back there again. Not now, when your mind isn’t clear enough to be dealing with this. Taking a deep breath, you compose yourself just enough to face him.

Only to be met with his amused smile as he looks at you. 

“I was surprised to see you. I never would have thought that you could somehow be related to Alia.” He lets out a chuckle. It sounds empty and a bit bitter, mirroring exactly how you are feeling right now. 

Your chest feels tight, hating the way he is saying her name. Nor do you enjoy seeing the way his gaze changes when he does it. Annoyance fills your chest that you can barely speak, while he remains in his blissful ignorance as he continues talking, 

“Funny how life works, doesn’t it? I kept thinking about you after we met and wondered if we would ever see each other again. I regretted that I didn’t ask for your number before we parted ways. I didn’t even get to ask for your real name.” 

The tightness in your chest grows tenfold. 

You never admitted it before—not to yourself, and not even to Skye, when you first talked about him—yet there was some point between that night and the day you found out about the pregnancy that you spent your nights wondering if you would ever see him again. 

If there had been one thing that you regretted about that night, it would be the decision you made to leave the next morning without asking for his real name or leaving any means of contact. 

A night to escape from reality. 

That was all it meant for you at the time. So when the morning came, it was time for you to return to reality. Your reality. Your real life. And you were too busy preparing yourself to face all the hurt, the bad memories, and the stressful life that had nothing to do with the desirable woman that he brought into his bed the night before to even consider exchanging contacts with him. 

It didn’t matter if you were still riding the high of that night’s self-gratification and wanton pleasure through the rest of your trip. The moment everything ended, you simply moved on from it. Putting everything about that night to the back of your mind as you returned to your normal life and quickly fell back into your normal routine. 

Until weeks later, when life decided to fuck you over and you ended up with a baby growing inside you, and you had no way to find or contact him to inform him about it. 

“I guess it can’t be helped, given the circumstances.” Your conviction quickly melts into dread once you are reminded of the current circumstances. “It’s kinda too late now to talk about it and regret what didn’t happen, don’t you think? Seeing that you’re now dating my stepsister.” 

Taehyung winces. For a brief moment, you almost believe you can see a glimpse of hurt flickering through his gaze. And for some reason, it only pisses you off. 

So he doesn’t like being reminded of the fact that he is here for someone else? 

“Look, about Alia. I was hoping that we could talk. Maybe when all of this is done, or maybe after the holidays we can—” 

He continues talking, but you aren’t hearing anything. The questions that flooded your brain earlier come flashing back. The ringing that pained you returns. Everything lasts for a few more seconds before your mind clears out, and only one question remains. 

“Were the two of you already dating when we slept together?” 

He falls silent, taken aback. 

“No!” he immediately says, almost shouting. But he quickly reins himself before his voice would reach where everyone is and draw their attention. “Fuck, no. Is that why you’ve been sulking all through dinner?” he asks you with a hiss. He seems offended and hurt at the same time. “I’m not that kind of guy. Trust me.” 

“Sulking?” you let out an incredulous laugh. Is that how he saw it? When you were coming close to breaking apart right in front of everyone because of him? 

“How am I supposed to trust you when I barely know you? How am I supposed to know that you’re telling the truth?” you snap back at him with a hiss. “Just because we fucked it doesn’t mean that I’d magically know everything about you.” 

Again, he winces at your question. As if your words come to him like a slap on his face. He takes a deep breath and speaks more calmly in response, “Look, we should talk. Soon. I can explain everything. But not now, okay?” 

As much as you hate to admit it, or to agree with him, you decide that he is right. There are a lot of things that you need to discuss with him, and now is not the right time to do it. Not when your emotions are all over the place and when he has his girlfriend keeping him in close sight most of the time. 

“I agree. We do need to talk,” you finally agree, even though you know that both of you have different things in mind. 

You have no idea what he intends to discuss with you. The only thing that matters to you is to talk about the baby that you conceived together. And hopefully, decide what will happen next. 

“I should go,” you sigh, feeling exhausted and drained. “I need to lie down. This is too much for me to process.” 

You try to walk around him so you can continue on your way. Your head is pounding, and you have the dire need to rest in your comfortable bed, where you would be able to feel safe and hide away from all of this. 

“Wait,” Taehyung stops you before you can go too far. 

“What?” you ask him, feeling exasperated—both from the stress and from the way your body still tingles each time you hear his voice. You really need to get away from him. 

“Nothing, it’s just…” he starts, suddenly looking nervous with what he is about to say. The sound of laughter echoes from the living room, making him glance over his shoulder briefly before speaking to you with a lowered voice, “Can you do me a favour?” 

You frown at him. “What is it?” 

He looks wary, and it makes you feel uneasy in the stomach as you wait for him to speak. 

But what he says next makes you feel even worse. “Please don’t tell Alia that we’ve met before, more importantly that we hooked up that night.” 

You say nothing at first. Even if you are well aware of the situation and where Alia’s position in all of this, it still doesn’t stop the sharp pain you feel in your chest as he mentions her name, or to express his request. 

Taehyung steps closer when you remain quiet. His voice comes as a desperate whisper when he pleads with you, “Please? Can you do this for me?” 

You grit your teeth. “Fine, I won’t,” you finally say to him. But you refuse to give in that easily.

Taking a step closer to him, you point at him and demand him, “But you need to tell her.” 

He clenches his jaw as he listens to your demands, but you ignore it and continue to talk. “She needs to know—” your voice nearly wavers, because you know what would happen once everything is revealed. 

Telling your stepsister that you had slept with her boyfriend would not only be hard, but it would be ugly. 

But it would be better than keeping it a secret for much longer. Because secrets don’t always remain hidden, no matter how hard you try to keep them in the shadows. And things would even get messier once the baby comes while she is still being kept in the dark. 

It’s better to bite the bullet as soon as possible, rather than waiting and living your life in uncertainty until the day comes. 

“If you don’t, and we keep this a secret much longer, things might get messier if she somehow finds out on her own. The last thing I’d ever want is to get into any drama. Not with her,” you try to convince Taehyung, despite him looking like he would rather bolt and have nothing to do with any of this. 

After all the drama that happened last year, the last thing you need is to get involved in another. 

“I’ll tell her myself if necessary.” There is a bite in your voice when you are telling him all of this. To his credit, Taehyung—despite looking shell-shocked and cornered—seems to respect and understand your request. 

He lowers his head and nods. “Give me time. I’ll—” 

You are surprised to see him looking defeated. It makes you wonder if there is something more about their relationship that you need to know before going further. 

As Taehyung raises his head again, he seems more resolved. He looks straight into your eyes as he promises, “I’ll tell her myself once I get the chance to. I promise. But we’re going to have that talk first, and soon.” 

“It’s a promise.” You bite back the ache that suddenly pierces through your heart, seeing how he is so adamant about protecting his relationship with your stepsister. Trying not to look too deep into it and get yourself hurt further, you avoid looking into his gaze and start walking away from him. 

“Goodnight then—” you whisper to him as you turn away from him, biting back the sound of your defeat when you call his name, “Tae.” 

The moment you are within the safety of your bedroom, your knees buckle. Thankfully, you still manage to close the door and lock it behind you, once again shutting yourself from everyone to give you some moment of peace.

Although it doesn’t stop him from entering your mind in the silence that follows. 

As you lie down in your bed, curled up in a fetal position with your arms wrapped around yourself, your mind wanders back to the conversation you just had with Taehyung in the hallway. 

You can’t help it. His words keep coming back to you, and you keep finding yourself dissecting everything he said. You close your eyes, and keep telling yourself to stop. The situation that you are dealing with right now already seems absurd enough for you to waste your energy trying to understand him. 

You begin to wonder if things would have been better if you hadn’t come across each other again. Things would probably turn out differently. You may have to keep the baby’s existence a secret from him, and the truth about the father a secret from your family. 

You may have to deal with everything yourself. 

The possibility seems petrifying, but it still sounds a lot better than having to go against your stepsister. Better than causing your frail relationship to become even worse. This time, you know that this would be big enough to ruin any chance for you and your stepsister to have any kind of relationship at all. 

He was right. It’s funny how life works. If only it doesn’t have to be this hard to laugh it off. 

Stop it. 

Keeping your eyes closed, you let out a deep sigh and force yourself to think about something else. Anything. As long as you are not thinking about him. His face, his voice, the scent of his cologne, everything that belongs to him. 

Your head starts swimming. No, everything about him now belongs to someone else. 

Once again, you force yourself to start thinking of less stressful things. Like Skye’s text message from this afternoon suggesting that you could run away with her to a secluded place somewhere in Europe so that the two of you could raise the baby together. Or the little stories that Honey shared about the cute new gardener now working at her apartment complex—the complex specifically built for elders like herself—that she wanted to introduce to you the next time you come by to visit.

You regret forgetting to pick up the smoothie that your mother made for you while you were throwing up in the bathroom, all due to Taehyung’s distraction. You wonder if having the smoothie would be able to help you feel better. Picturing the drink being left attended in the kitchen, you can picture your grandmother—the sweet little mischievous angel that she is—sneaking in a few drops of rum into the smoothie when your mother isn’t looking. 

This thought makes you smile. It replaces every ugly thoughts that keep circling inside your mind and calms you down. 

Your heartbeat is no longer beating like crazy. The more you fill your head with wonderful thoughts, the sooner the uneasy feeling in your stomach begins to wane. 

And soon enough, you start drifting away to a restless sleep. 

But just like how he invaded your home with his sudden appearance, Taehyung invades your sleep once your mind is left unguarded. 

Speaking to him, albeit briefly, brings you back to that night. The moment you close your eyes, you start seeing everything from back then that you couldn’t remember in your waking hours. Even the smallest details that your conscious mind has forgotten. Everything comes crashing down on you as you toss and turn in your bed, unable to give in completely to a peaceful slumber as memories continue to flood your dreams. 

Six weeks ago…

You opened your eyes and squinted. 

The overhead lamp above your head was bright, and it was hurting your eyes. You could barely see a thing through your bleary eyes, until your gaze drifted further, looking into the dimly lit bedroom far across the foyer. 

The room looked more spacious than yours, albeit a bit messy. The massive bed looked comfortable, and there were two lounge seats set up near the windows that looked more luxurious than the ones you had in your room. 

“Your bedroom seems a lot more cozy than mine.” 

The words came out of your lips with a moan. The sound seemed foreign. Barely recognisable through your hazy mind. But there was a familiar sensation slowly rising in your body that hadn’t at all come from the alcoholic drinks you were having tonight. 

“Hmmm…You think so?”

A deep, sultry voice spoke as a pair of hot lips made their way down the side of your neck, tracing your skin with delicate kisses that made it even harder for you to think straight. 

Shivers ran down your body. Heat rolled through your chest. And it almost seemed to you that your skin was becoming even more sensitive to the touch when even the most subtle caress of his fingers was able to light up your senses. 

Right after the voice spoke to you, he suddenly switched and started kissing his way up. You blinked, and his face came into view just as he looked down at you. The beautiful face that captivated you when you first met him at the bar was presented right before your eyes. 

So close. So tempting. And his eyes were so intense that you nearly lost your breath. He smiled and leaned down, capturing your lips with a kiss. 

“You haven’t seen anything yet,” he murmured against your lips, drawing another moan out of you which snapped you from your daze. 

You sighed as you gave in to the chaste kiss he was giving you. “It’s kind of hard to look around and see anything when you have me pinned to the door.” 

He let out a soft chuckle and once again pressed his lips on yours. As if he was both pleased and amused that he got to put you in this position. When he pulled back, the look in his eyes softened. 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself. It’s all your fault for teasing me all the way here while I couldn’t allow myself to touch you with so many eyes paying attention,” he said without any hint of regret in his voice. 

“Well, forgive me because I wasn’t aware,” you taunted him back, knowing fully well what you had done to tease him until he was on the verge of breaking apart even before you reached his hotel suite. 

As much as you wanted to hold back, you were quite sure that you hadn’t gotten things wrong. You couldn’t have possibly mistaken the chemistry that kept sparking between you. And the way he kept openly staring at your body was enough to make his intention clear, as his eyes seemed more honest than the words he gave you. 

But back at the bar, you had let him be the first one to make the move. 

With his sturdy hands, he was the one who pulled your seat closer. By placing his arm on your backrest, it may have seemed as if he was marking his territory for anyone else at the hotel bar to see. Normally, something like this would’ve put you off. But there was something in the way he did it that made you feel otherwise, allowing you to give in and lean more into his warmth instead of pushing him away. 

That was when you reciprocated his actions with your own. The light and subtle touches of your fingers on his arm drew soft shudders through his body. The accidental brushes that happened when you moved against his body pushed him into wrapping his arm around you, keeping you close before he finally pulled you out of the bar. 

When you leaned close enough to whisper softly against his ear, you could feel goosebumps rising on his skin, his heartbeat escalating under your palm, and he could barely hold himself back from devouring your lips right there at the hotel lobby. Right where everyone could see you falling into pieces under your sinful desire.

By the time you were alone with him in the elevator, the tension between you just kept escalating until he finally snapped. 

He nearly dragged you across the hallway leading to his bedroom suite in his rush to get you alone. The moment he pulled you in through the door, every bit of his composure simply left him. He barely gave you a chance to catch a single glance of the suite, as he immediately pushed your body against the door and kept you there. 

Until this moment. 

His eyes grew dark after listening to your answer. His breath is still ragged after the hot kiss that he gave you once he got you pinned between his hard body and the locked door behind you. 

With his broad chest locking you in place, his hips pressing against your lower body, he left you with nowhere else to go. But this didn’t seem to be enough for him. Looking into his eyes, you could tell that he needed to see you become even more vulnerable. Almost as if he wanted to punish you for putting him on the edge. 

And he did exactly that as he slipped one hand around your neck and pulled your hair, tilting your head back so that he could continue exploring the column of your throat with his sinful lips. Instead of resisting it, you simply gave in. Arching your back to him further as he trailed kisses on your skin, your hands clutching on his jacket to hold on. 

He used his other hand to explore the rest of your body. Starting from your waist, he continued to move further down to your hips. Tracing every curve, every dent along your body with his firm fingers pressing through your thin dress. 

Just as he was about to reach the hem of your dress, he suddenly stopped and pulled back. 

“Tell me again. Are you sure this is what you want?” His voice was quiet when he asked you this. It sounded as though he was caught between convincing himself that this was happening while giving you an out for one last time before getting too deep. 

But you had gone deep. 

And you knew then that the moment you let everything happen, there was no going back from it. Everything about this was new to you; hooking up with a complete stranger while you were in the middle of nowhere, and knowing that once the night was over, both of you were going to move on with your lives. 

It felt thrilling to think about it, and the liquid courage should help you in letting go of your inhibitions. Yet you couldn’t deny the fact that you are feeling slightly nervous about jumping fully into this. 

When you failed to answer him, Tae leaned down, pressing a chaste kiss right below your ear and whispered, “Well? Talk to me. Because there is no going back from this once we begin, and I won’t let you go until you tell me what you want.” 

The way his breath tickled your ear and caressed your skin broke you out of the walls you put up. Every flicker of doubt you felt immediately melted. You brushed against him, allowing him to feel every bit of heat coursing through your body before you answered with a whisper, “Yes. I’ve never been so sure in my whole life.” 

You could feel the way his breath was caught as you pressed your palm on his chest. Pressing against him, you raised yourself up and nipped his chin with your teeth. 

“This is what I want.” 

You weren’t completely sure if you ever got to finish your sentence when all of a sudden, his lips came crashing into yours, pressing firmly as he kissed you, barely concealing his desire for more. 

The kiss unleashed your own desire. You opened your mouth for him in return, allowing him to devour you, to have a taste of your demands as he thoroughly kissed you until you were left breathless in his arms. 

His hand began to move again just then. Tracing down your hips, he pressed the tips of his fingers harder into your flesh. He made it seem as if your dress had melted into your skin with the heat of his touch that you felt completely exposed to him. And he didn’t stop until he finally found the exposed skin of your thigh. 

Your body quivered upon contact, and you could tell that he felt it too. He began stroking your skin, moving at a slow, agonising pace just to put you on the edge. 

And he easily succeeded. Already, you could barely breathe, even when he was still far from touching any part of your body that needed him the most. 

Overcame with need, your body started moving on instinct. As if his touches were controlling you as you lifted your thigh for him. His grip on your thigh tightened, helping you to keep your leg up and open yourself to him while his kiss became sloppy yet gentle as he released his hold on your hair. 

He moved his other hand down, brushing against your covered breast with a brief contact and continued trailing down. You felt him pressing at your hips, before pulling the hem of your dress upward until your lower region was completely exposed. His hand continued its travel as it climbed up your inner thigh. So you opened your legs to give him better access. A move which he appreciated with a deep hum, before you felt his thumb brushing up just an inch away from your throbbing core. 

“Should we move this someplace else? Somewhere that would be more comfortable for us?” he asked you with his lips hovering close to yours. 

It took a moment for his words to sink in. Too lost in the sensation that you were made to feel, you felt as if you were drunk and high, not from the alcohol that was no longer running wildly through your veins, but from his entire presence alone. 

All thoughts faded further as his thumb grazed across the front of your panties, finding your folds through the fabric before he pressed down, enough to give pressure on your covered clit. Sparks flew through your half-lidded eyes as pleasure came rushing through you in waves. You couldn’t stop the moan slipping out of your lips, nor the way your hips rocked into his touch to feel more. 

“So responsive,” he murmured against your neck before he planted a light kiss on your skin. “I would have loved to watch and enjoy every reaction that you would give me, every sound you make, while I have you lie down on my bed and fuck you senseless.” 

Your breath hitched and caught in your chest. Not only because of his words, but also from the way his thumb continued to rub against your covered clit. It felt sinful, yet so delectable the way he kept drawing more and more sparks and shuddering pleasure through your body.

After being deprived of such attention for quite some time, your body became more sensitive to every friction, every treatment he was giving you, and you simply wanted more. 

“Then take me there. Take me to your bed.” 

As if you had flicked a switch in his brain, his expression changed. His gaze darkened as he captured your lips with unrestrained need, yet he was careful when he picked you up, pressing you against his chest when he turned and moved to take you away from the door.

You wrapped your arms and legs around him for balance, while your lips remained locked in a deep kiss. You could feel his long stride as he began carrying you across the room. His kiss and his firm hold on your bottom cheeks were enough to draw your attention away from his clumsy footsteps, but not enough to deny you from sensing the changes happening around you.

The scent of his cologne grew thicker as he went deeper into the room, and you were getting more and more lost in him. Drowned in his heat, his kiss, and the traces that he had left behind all over his bedroom, you felt him everywhere all at once that you felt like you were being put under a spell. 

All so suddenly, you were pulled out of it when he broke away from the kiss. He laid you gently over the cold white sheets of his partly-made bed. Instead of joining you right away, he chose to pull back. His eyes seemed to glint in the dimly lit room as he took this moment to take you in. 

“Beautiful,” he murmured softly, drawing heat back to your face. 

He kept his eyes on you as he shrugged off his jacket and began peeling his shirt from his chest. Desire pulsed through your body as you watched every move he was making without ever drawing his attention away from you. 

The more you watched him, the stronger the pull that you felt towards him. Once the need to touch him took over, you reached up and tugged on his pants, hoping that you could quickly shred them off of his body. 

You barely grazed against his covered hard-on when he stopped you by catching your wrists. Like a disappointed teacher, he made a disapproval sound with his tongue. 

“Patience, Red,” he teasingly said to you as he grabbed the hem of your dress and pulled it off of you with one swift move. You fell back to the bed with a gasp, shocked to see how easy it was for him to take over until you were left with nothing more but your lacy underthings. 

The intensity you felt from his gaze made you want to wrap your arms around yourself and hide. But being half inebriated was making you slow in thoughts and movement that you couldn’t do anything but lay still. At the same time, you enjoyed the way he was looking at you, loving how he was losing himself to you the same way you did to him. 

But it was the words that he said next that further brought out your wanton needs.

“Be a good girl and stay still. I want you to stay just like this,” he said with a murmur while his eyes ran down your body, “I want you to lie on your back while you are screaming out my name.” 

If only you hadn’t been so lost for words, perhaps you would have challenged him in return. Instead, by the time every piece of his clothing was gone, you felt like you had melted further into the sheets. The raw passion you saw in his gaze and the way he was tracing his fingertips on your skin had locked you completely in place, leaving you with no other option but to surrender as he took control.

He bent down, his lips came down to your neck. Planting his kisses on your skin, he kept your attention away from his hands as he snapped off your bra and went down to pull your panties down your hips. As he dragged your panties down your bare legs, he continued his kisses further down, not stopping until he reached your heaving chest. 

You couldn’t even remember what happened to that flimsy piece of fabric that he took from you. Everything else faded as his tongue grazed across your chest, drawing a gasp out of your lips. His firm hands returned to your hips right then, holding you down while he captured your taut nipple between his teeth. 

The feeling that coursed through you was heavenly. A shooting pain came with a flare as he bit down, yet it was quickly replaced with an overwhelming feeling of pleasure when he lapped the pain away with his sinful tongue. 

“Tae—”

His body quivered against yours at the sound of your voice. He pulled away with a grin, his eyes twinkling with amusement as he watched you arching your chest as if you were chasing him. 

He ran his gaze down your body. Perusing you while silently admiring what he was seeing while he licked his lips. As if he was picturing the way you would taste. 

“Tell me how badly you want this, Red,” he taunted you with his hand reaching out to the nightstand. You vaguely saw him grabbing a condom while you were struggling to breathe. Your eyes fell on his exposed, throbbing cock, and words simply left you. 

Seeing its impressive size and girth, your entire body erupted with a pulse. It started from deep inside your core, right where you wanted to feel him the most. Astonished, you failed to remember that he was still waiting for your answer with his eyes locked on your face. 

And he made you struggle further to find words when he reached down, wrapping his long fingers around his cock and started giving himself slow, lazy strokes. You could see the bead of his pre-cum glistening under the dim lighting. It took everything in you to stop yourself from leaning forward and lapping him dry. To have a taste, before you let him devour every drop of your essence. 

“Red? Talk to me,” he spoke to you again with a curious tone in his voice. 

He knew that he wasn’t getting any attention, as your eyes were locked only at one place that was not his face, and he seemed to be curious to know what was making you so lost in thoughts. 

Instead of answering him, you continued to watch, completely transfixed by his actions, as he slowly spread his pre-cum along the length of his cock. You licked your lips, almost as if you could taste him. A barely concealed whimper slipped out of your lips when you watched him slowly roll the condom to cover himself from the tip of his cock and down to the base. 

Seeing him covered with protection seemed to snap you back to the present. Even if your pulsing need still refused to tame down. 

Resting back against the pillows, you dragged your eyes away from his impressive cock to his beautiful face. 

“I want you here. Inside me,” you finally responded to his question. Placing your palms on the underside of your thighs, you parted your legs open, making him see the mess that had been building up right between your legs while you were enjoying the show he was giving you. 

Now it was your turn to give him a show. 

Reaching between your legs, you moved your fingers to find your folds. You bit back a gasp once the tips of your fingers were met with your wet arousal. It felt slick as you moved your fingers around, parting your nether lips so he could see your swollen clit, before you moved your fingers in circles, pressing at yourself the exact same way you wished he would. 

“Please, fuck me, Tae. Fuck me good.” 

His pupils dilated at the sound of your voice, at the pleading words you were giving him. You loved the way he was reacting to you just as much as he did with you, yet you decided to push his buttons further by adding, “And then I want to hear you scream my name while you cum inside me.” 

He raised his eyebrows. “What a little brat,” he said, chuckling. “So you like to play games, hmmm?” 

You bit your bottom lip, holding back a moan that was threatening to come out when your touch inadvertently pushed against the source of your heat. “Oh, I do. Games are always fun.” 

While he continued stroking his cock at a lazy pace, he used the other hand to grab your neck. His palm fit perfectly as he wrapped it around the column of your throat, putting pressure that was not enough to choke you, yet enough to show you who was in control. 

“Then let’s play,” he groaned while he pressed you back down on the bed. “But this time, I make the rules.” 

You felt the electrifying pleasure surging through your body as he brushed your hand away and lined himself against your entrance, shutting down the circuits inside your brain for a moment and stopping you from wiggling too much beneath him just to feel more friction. 

A sharp moan was drawn from your lips as Tae slammed his full length deep inside you. The sensation that you felt from being filled by his width was so feral and explosive that you were sure you immediately experienced your orgasm right then and there. 

Your body must have been shaking, which was a response that you failed to notice as you had your senses filled with the steady pulse of pleasure pressing across the girth of his cock. He must have noticed it when he came to a halt, giving you a chance to process everything and adjust to his presence inside you.

Nothing made sense to you beyond the pulsing pleasure that you felt from your hot pussy. Your senses were filled with the sound of your racing heartbeat, the soothing touch of his fingers on your skin, and the whispers of his voice calling you back to him. 

He only managed to bring you back to the present by pressing gentle kisses on your lips, nose, and then on the rest of your face, stopping only after he kissed your lips again to draw your attention back to him. 

Your legs were quivering when you opened your eyes to see him, yet you could already tell from the way the pulses that came right where you were joined started to settle, that your body had adjusted perfectly to his size. 

But it didn’t mean that you would simply take it without sharing your thoughts. 

“You’re—big,” you complained with a soft moan when you felt him growing harder inside you. It didn’t stop you from rocking your hips, trying to feel more friction, while he merely chuckled at your words. 

“And it’s perfect for your tight pussy.” 

His words drew a gasp from you. But he didn’t pay much attention to it, as he slowly began to move. He started with a slow pace, which was torturous and agonising, forcing you to feel the delectable way his girth was brushing against your pulsing walls. 

Back and forth he went, going so deep you could almost feel him pressing up your stomach before pulling out until only the tip was buried inside you. He kept moving at the same pace, until you began to feel more desperate. Even your body was shaking with the need to feel more. 

“More—!” you whispered with a strangled moan, “go faster.” 

Hearing this, instead of doing what you were begging him to, Tae denied your plea by doing the opposite. With a wicked grin on his face, the fucker slowed down, bringing the pleasure that had been rising back down a notch. 

You opened your mouth to protest against it, and he moved his hands down your hips, stopping at your thighs where he gave you a tight grip. 

“You want more?” he asked you, his voice almost seemed to grow deeper, and you could feel a tinge of danger when he spoke. The same danger you saw coming through his gaze as he slowly brought your legs up. 

You expected him to stop once he got your legs up his shoulders. But he just kept going. And going. Until you were nearly folded with your legs almost pressed to your chest.

“Tae—!” 

It made you feel vulnerable, with nothing but your hands to use to hold on while he had full control of your body. He was still buried inside you, and this position allowed you to feel him more. As though you had grown tighter around him and he was growing bigger. His entire length and width made you feel full, as his cock was pressing tightly against your hot walls. 

“You wanted more,” he murmured as he began moving, rocking his hips slowly back and forth, going in and out of you, drawing more and more of that shuddering pleasure out of your body as he continued fucking you gently. “I’m giving you more.” 

He began increasing his pace. Going faster the more he heard you moaning in pleasure. “Lift your arms, Red. Bring them up and hold the pillows.” 

It took a moment for his words to register in your head. Your hands had been clutching tightly on his forearms and it was a struggle to let go. And he waited, tormenting you by keeping his pace much too slow to your liking until you followed his command. 

Your hands trembled as you unlatched them from his skin. You could barely feel your fingers as you dragged your hands up, as every part of your body grew more sensitive the more you opened your entire self to him. Keeping your eyes on him, you got lost in his intense gaze. 

It was then when you finally came in contact with the soft pillows above your head, and your fingers easily sank into them, latching onto them as you did when you were holding onto his arms.

“That’s it. Good girl,” he murmured gently, and you were pleasantly surprised to realise how much you loved hearing his praise. Warmth bloomed in your chest, and it easily made its way down right to your core. “Now hold on tightly and don’t let go.” 

And you did just that. Holding on tightly the way he wanted you to. 

Only once he gained complete control of your body, once you fully submitted to him, he finally fulfilled your wish. He held firmly on your thighs to keep them folded and open for him, and he began ramming his cock deep inside you. 

He was doing it faster. Harder. Sending you high in pleasure while all you could do was take his constant pounding. The only leverage you had to hold on was the tight hold you had on the pillows and the weight of his body that was pressing you down each time he pushed deeply inside you. 

The anomalous sounds coming out of both of your lips kept bouncing off the walls. Followed by the sound of flesh clashing against flesh, the slick sounds that came from right where you were joined, and the creaking sound of the bed beneath you. 

He kept going, relentless in his rough thrusts and his need to push you over the edge, until you could feel the rise of your orgasm coming in waves. The wanton pleasure that was hot and intense came rising inside you, growing rapidly with his deep thrusts until you finally succumbed to it, coming into your climax with a scream. 

“Tae, I’m coming,” you cried out to him as you fell over the edge, though you weren’t completely sure if the words coming out of your lips were as coherent as you thought they would have been. 

The sound of your pounding heartbeat seemed to drown everything away. Except that you could still hear the sound of his breathless grunts as they grew clearer, and the strangled moan that came out of him when he shouted, “That’s it, Red. Fuck, I’m coming!”

With a sharp intake of breath, he came to his climax. You felt every pulse of his release as he came inside you, and the tremble in his chest that surged through him with his deep groan as he relished the pleasure. Even after his release, he kept moving, rocking slowly and steadily until the spasms of your orgasm slowly began to wane down. 

He remained buried inside you when he gently released you from his hold. You could barely feel his lips pressing on your quivering thighs before he lowered them back on the mattress, yet his gentle fingers remained hot on your skin when he brushed up against you. 

He reached up and gently pried your fingers away from the pillows before slipping his fingers between yours. The way your fingers were entwined together felt so intimate. So unlike anything that you had ever thought about what a one-night stand would entail. 

Your body felt hot, and your muscles were lax, but there was a series of small spasms still going strong from deep inside you, coaxed by his incessant rocking. You should have been pushing him off of you, instead of embracing his weight as he lowered himself, covering your body with his own. 

“Tae—” you whimpered against his lips as he kissed you. Holding your hands in his, he continued to rock his hips. 

How he managed to remain so hard and stiff even after his climax was beyond you. He still felt thick as he moved. His cock brushed against your pulsing walls as he went in and out, awakening all sparks of pleasure that were supposed to have dwindled. 

And with how sensitive your body was, it rose and peaked so quickly and you had no power to stop it. 

“Too…much…” you cried between the strangled moans coming out of your lips, right before he swallowed them with another kiss. 

“One more,” he groaned as he picked up his pace. “Just do it one more time for me, Red.” 

You were so sensitive it was beginning to hurt, but the pleasure was also maddening that you didn’t want to stop. This time, he wasn’t holding you down so strongly, allowing you to move beneath him. So you rocked back against him, pushing up each time he was thrusting into you. It only took a couple of more strokes before the coil in your core snapped, and you were sent to another climax. 

And he joined you in your release, falling into a smaller climax of his own as you clenched tightly around him. 

He came with a deep groan. His whole body quaked against you before he finally fell on top of you. While you were trying to control your breath, his lips came brushing your neck, kissing you gently to help soothe down the shudders running through your body.

“Fuck…so perfect,” he sighed between his kisses, his voice came in and out through your senses, and the sparks you felt rushing through your body started waning as you were slowly drifting away into the night, with his words echoing in your dreams,

“You are perfect.” 

Author’s Note 2.0 | Thank you for reading so far. Any likes, kudos, comments, and feedbacks will be appreciated. The story continues in part 2.

© All rights reserved. 2024 Yoonia — Unauthorized use and/or duplication of these works, including reposting, translating and modification in any form, is strictly prohibited. 

S͟a͟v͟a͟g̲e͟ L͟o͟v͟e͟

Pairing: Jimin X OC. Jungkook X OC

Length: 10,000+ words

Rating: 15+ (it has no sexual activity or extreme violence, but has adult themes like cheating, toxic relationship, pregnancy and swearing, some mention of sexual themes but not graphic)

TW/Content: Angsty,angsty fluff, sadness, anger, mild violence (punching), depression, low self esteem, toxic relationship, hateful words, gaslighting, emotionally abusive, jealousy, mentally abusive, arguing and shouting, OC is chubby, unrequited love (but not really), male best friend is always there, clueless best friends, cheating, pregnancy (not OC) fluffy best friend, swearing, bad body image, Angst with happy ending, feelings exposed.

Kissing and hugging, mention of sexual things but no actual sexual content.

(Maybe in a part two if I feel like it)

But Jungkook has soft dom energy in the way he talks to her and treats her.

OC and Jimin being savage loves in their own ways. Taehyung being her secret rant buddy, who listens to her melt downs.

Genre: Angst, Toxic relationship, break up, angsty with a happy ending. Best friends being clueless.

Authors note: Not proof read but checked quickly by myself, was written in a day so it just flew out of my head.

Capitals means they are shouting or screaming at each other, which means that when she tells Jimin off she is really MAD!

Wanted to prove I could write something without the story getting sexual or yandere etc. And I would SHARE IT!

Sorry about the font, but not going over it to change it now. Had trouble with copy and paste, but I like it this way!

Link to a savage love Drabble below.

SAVAGE LOVE DRABBLE

========================================

S͟a͟v͟a͟g̲e͟ L͟o͟v͟e͟

Flashback

"𝑰'𝒎 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅...."

𝑨 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒚 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒊𝒔 𝒄𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔, 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑪𝑨𝑵𝑫𝑰𝑪𝑬!!! 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲!!!"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒔 𝒖𝒑 𝒕𝒐 𝒖𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒃𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒇𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑺𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒆𝒓, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕!"

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒆𝒙𝒂𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅.

𝑰'𝒎 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑯𝒐𝒘 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏? 𝑯𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒏'𝒕 𝒊 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒂𝒍𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒚?! 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏! 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆!!"

𝑰 𝒚𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆, 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆.

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒓𝒄𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘, 𝒊'𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒆𝒏𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉.

"𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝑳𝒐𝒗𝒆! 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆, 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒂 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅! 𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒔! 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒐𝒍𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒍𝒍𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕!!“

𝑯𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒎𝒔 𝒑𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒆𝒈𝒈𝒚 𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒏𝒅𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒂𝒏 𝒘𝒉𝒐 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒔𝒂𝒊𝒅.

"𝑬𝑿𝑪𝑼𝑺𝑬 𝑴𝑬! 𝑰𝑻 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑨 𝑶𝑵𝑬 𝑵𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻 𝑺𝑻𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑱𝑰𝑴𝑰𝑵!! 𝑶𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑬𝑺!"

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒄𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒃𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒆.

"𝑺𝒉𝒖𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆!"

𝑯𝒆 𝒈𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒈𝒓𝒚.

"𝑰 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑺𝑯𝑼𝑻 𝑼𝑷!! 𝑺𝑯𝑬 𝑫𝑬𝑺𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑬𝑺 𝑻𝑶 𝑲𝑵𝑶𝑾!!"

𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒆𝒙𝒄𝒍𝒂𝒊𝒎𝒔 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅𝒍𝒚.

𝑷𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒊𝒍𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒚 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒖𝒎𝒂 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏....𝑮𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒕!!

"𝑰 𝑺𝑨𝑰𝑫 𝑺𝑯𝑼𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝑼𝑷!!"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒉 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒍𝒐𝒖𝒅 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒈𝒈𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚.

𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏'𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒆𝒗𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒉𝒚𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒆𝒓, 𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒂 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒉𝒆’𝒔 𝒏𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒑𝒉𝒚𝒔𝒊𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒃𝒖𝒔𝒊𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒎𝒆!

"𝑯𝑶𝑾 𝑫𝑨𝑹𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑮𝑬𝑻 𝑰𝑵 𝑴𝒀 𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑬!!"

𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒑𝒐𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒑𝒊𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒃𝒆𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎.

"𝑫𝒐 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒄𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏! 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕!!"

𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒎𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌.

"𝑰'𝒎 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝑨𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒊𝒕𝒔 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏'𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒊𝒔 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑯𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒎𝒊𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒊𝒏𝒗𝒐𝒍𝒗𝒆𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒌𝒔 𝒂𝒈𝒐. 𝑯𝒆 𝒌𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒊𝒏𝒊𝒔𝒉 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒐𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒆𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒘. 𝑺𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕"

𝑯𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒔 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒃𝒓𝒐𝒌𝒆 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲𝑺 𝑺𝑨𝑲𝑬 𝑴𝑨𝑵𝑫𝒀!!! 𝑰 𝑺𝑨𝑰𝑫 𝑰 𝑾𝑶𝑼𝑳𝑫 𝑻𝑬𝑳𝑳 𝑯𝑬𝑹!!"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅, 𝒔𝒐 𝑰 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒕𝒓𝒖𝒆.

𝑴𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌𝒔, 𝒊'𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒐𝒍𝒍𝒂𝒑𝒔𝒆, 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊'𝒎 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒆 𝒂 𝒑𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒄 𝒂𝒕𝒕𝒂𝒄𝒌.

𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒍𝒐𝒂𝒅𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝒑𝒆𝒐𝒑𝒍𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰 𝒔𝒆𝒆 𝑻𝒂𝒆𝒉𝒚𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒈𝒂𝒑𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏.

𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓𝒚𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒈𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒑𝒔, 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒓𝒖𝒏 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒊'𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒊𝒏 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒄𝒆.

𝑾𝒉𝒚 𝒅𝒐 𝑰 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏?

𝑪𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑨𝒍𝒊𝒄𝒆, 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒖𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔, 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒅𝒆𝒍𝒖𝒅𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍!

"𝑺𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒊𝒆?"

𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒔𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒒𝒖𝒊𝒆𝒕𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒕𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

"𝑰𝒕'𝒔 𝒐𝒌𝒂𝒚, 𝒘𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑰 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖, 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑺𝒘𝒆𝒆𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓𝒕. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒏𝒐 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒘𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒏, 𝑰 𝒎𝒆𝒂𝒏 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒍𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒈𝒐 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒏 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆 𝒖𝒑 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒐𝒓 𝒈𝒐 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒄𝒍𝒖𝒃𝒔 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆. 𝑩𝒖𝒕 𝒊 𝒔𝒕𝒊𝒍𝒍 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒚𝒆𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒃𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖. 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒅𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂 𝒇𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅𝒏'𝒕 𝒔𝒍𝒆𝒆𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒂𝒔𝒕 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍 𝒂𝒏𝒅.."

𝑯𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒏𝒆𝒓𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒐 𝒕𝒓𝒚 𝒈𝒂𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒈𝒉𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒏𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒂𝒄𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒎𝒚 𝒇𝒂𝒖𝒍𝒕 𝒂𝒈𝒂𝒊𝒏.

𝑰 𝒐𝒇𝒇𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒏𝒂𝒑!

"𝑫𝒐 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕! 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑱𝑰𝑴𝑰𝑵! 𝑰 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑯𝑨𝑻𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼!! 𝑮𝑬𝑻 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑯𝑬𝑳𝑳 𝑨𝑾𝑨𝒀 𝑭𝑹𝑶𝑴 𝑴𝑬!! 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑫𝑰𝑫 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑻𝑶 𝑴𝑬!! 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑻𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑴𝑬 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑻 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑴𝑨𝑫𝑬 𝑴𝑬 𝑭𝑬𝑬𝑳 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑺𝑯𝑰𝑻! 𝑰 𝑾𝑨𝑺 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑺 𝑩𝑬𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑬 𝑰 𝑴𝑬𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼!!“

𝑰 𝒔𝒄𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒉𝒆 𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒓𝒐𝒂𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒆, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒃𝒚 𝒎𝒐𝒎𝒎𝒂 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆.

𝑻𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝑰 𝒂𝒄𝒕𝒖𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒔𝒏𝒂𝒑 𝒊𝒏𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒐𝒇 𝒄𝒓𝒚𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝒆𝒎𝒃𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅.

"𝑮𝒐𝒐𝒅 𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒌! 𝑰'𝒎 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒐𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕 𝒃𝒚 𝒉𝒊𝒎. 𝒀𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒅 𝒊𝒕, 𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒂𝒔 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒅 𝒐𝒏 𝒎𝒆 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒉𝒐𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒓𝒆𝒆 𝒚𝒆𝒂𝒓'𝒔! 𝑺𝒍𝒆𝒑𝒕 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒎𝒐𝒏𝒕𝒉𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒂𝒅 𝒂 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒏𝒊𝒈𝒏𝒕 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅, 𝒃𝒆𝒔𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒕𝒄𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒔. 𝑻𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒋𝒖𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒘𝒐 𝒐𝒇 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒕𝒘𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒚 𝒘𝒐𝒎𝒆𝒏, 𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒇𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝒕𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒈𝒏𝒂𝒏𝒕, 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝒘𝒆𝒓𝒆 𝑺𝑻𝑫'𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒈𝒉 𝒔𝒐 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒄𝒌𝒆𝒅. 𝑯𝒆 𝒈𝒂𝒔𝒍𝒊𝒕 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒎𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒂𝒅𝒆 𝒎𝒆 𝒅𝒆𝒑𝒓𝒆𝒔𝒔𝒆𝒅, 𝒂𝒏𝒙𝒊𝒐𝒖𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒚𝒔𝒆𝒍𝒇! 𝑩𝒆𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒆! 𝑩𝒆𝒄𝒂𝒖𝒔𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒍𝒘𝒂𝒚𝒔 𝒂 𝒄𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒓!"

𝑰 𝒔𝒄𝒐𝒇𝒇 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒔𝒐𝒓𝒓𝒚 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊 𝒍𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒂𝒕 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏, 𝑰 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒛𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰'𝒎 𝒄𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒖𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒚 𝒅𝒐𝒏𝒆.

"𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫𝑩𝒀𝑬 𝑱𝑰𝑴𝑰𝑵! 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑺𝑯𝑶𝑾 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑭𝑨𝑪𝑬 𝑨𝑹𝑶𝑼𝑵𝑫 𝑴𝑬 𝑨𝑮𝑨𝑰𝑵! 𝑰'𝑴 𝑨𝑩𝑺𝑶𝑳𝑼𝑻𝑬𝑳𝒀 𝑫𝑶𝑵𝑬!!"

𝑰 𝒔𝒏𝒆𝒆𝒓 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒂𝒃𝒔𝒐𝒍𝒖𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒚 𝒓𝒂𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈.

"𝒀𝑬𝑨𝑯 𝑮𝑶 𝑭𝑰𝑵𝑫 𝑱𝑼𝑵𝑮𝑲𝑶𝑶𝑲 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑨𝑳𝑾𝑨𝒀𝑺 𝑫𝑶! 𝑰'𝑴 𝑺𝑼𝑹𝑬 𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑰𝑳𝑳 𝑴𝑨𝑲𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑭𝑬𝑬𝑳 𝑩𝑬𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑹!! 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑩𝑨𝑩𝑳𝒀 𝑩𝑬𝑬𝑵 𝑺𝑳𝑬𝑬𝑷𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑯𝑰𝑴 𝑨𝑵𝒀𝑾𝑨𝒀, 𝑰 𝑪𝑨𝑵 𝑻𝑬𝑳𝑳 𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑨𝑵𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑻𝑶 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑾𝑯𝑶𝑳𝑬 𝑻𝑰𝑴𝑬!! 𝑨𝑵𝑫 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑫𝑬𝑭𝑰𝑵𝑰𝑻𝑬𝑳𝒀 𝑾𝑨𝑺𝑵'𝑻 𝑭𝑼𝑪𝑲𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑴𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑨𝑺𝑻 𝑺𝑰𝑿 𝑴𝑶𝑵𝑻𝑯𝑺!!"

𝑯𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒕 𝒎𝒆.

"𝑫𝑶𝑵'𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑻𝑨𝑳𝑲 𝑨𝑩𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑱𝑼𝑵𝑮𝑲𝑶𝑶𝑲 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝑻𝑯𝑨𝑻!!! 𝑴𝑨𝒀𝑩𝑬 𝑰 𝑺𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑳𝑫 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑮𝑶𝑻𝑻𝑬𝑵 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑯𝑰𝑴 𝑩𝑬𝑭𝑶𝑹𝑬 𝑰 𝑴𝑬𝑻 𝒀𝑶𝑼, 𝑺𝑶 𝑰 𝑾𝑶𝑼𝑳𝑫 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑮𝑶𝑻 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑨𝑺𝑺! 𝑨𝑺 𝑯𝑬'𝑺 𝑾𝑯𝑨𝑻 𝑨 𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑳 𝑴𝑨𝑵 𝑨𝑪𝑻'𝑺 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬! 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑳𝑰𝑲𝑬 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑺𝑬𝑹𝑰𝑨𝑳 𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮, 𝑬𝑴𝑶𝑻𝑰𝑶𝑵𝑨𝑳𝑳𝒀 𝑨𝑩𝑼𝑺𝑰𝑽𝑬, 𝑮𝑨𝑺𝑳𝑰𝑮𝑯𝑻𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑨𝑺𝑺!! 𝑰 𝑯𝑨𝑽𝑬 𝑵𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑹 𝑪𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑻𝑬𝑫 𝑶𝑵 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑬𝑽𝑬𝑵 𝑻𝑯𝑶𝑼𝑮𝑯 𝒀𝑶𝑼 𝑫𝑬𝑺𝑬𝑹𝑽𝑬𝑫 𝑰𝑻!! 𝑺𝑶 𝑲𝑬𝑬𝑷 𝑴𝒀 𝑩𝑬𝑺𝑻 𝑭𝑹𝑰𝑬𝑵𝑫𝑺 𝑵𝑨𝑴𝑬 𝑶𝑼𝑻 𝑶𝑭 𝒀𝑶𝑼𝑹 𝑺𝑻𝑫 𝑹𝑰𝑫𝑫𝑬𝑵 𝑴𝑶𝑼𝑻𝑯!! 𝑮𝑶𝑶𝑫𝑩𝒀𝑬 𝑨𝑺𝑺𝑯𝑶𝑳𝑬!“

𝑰 𝒚𝒆𝒍𝒍 𝒊𝒏 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒖𝒔𝒉 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒓𝒎𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒇𝒇, 𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒅𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒂𝒃𝒐𝒖𝒕 𝑱𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕!

𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑻𝒂𝒆𝒉𝒚𝒖𝒏𝒈 𝒄𝒂𝒍𝒍 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒑𝒊𝒆𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒂𝒔 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒐𝒇𝒇, 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒆𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒕𝒐 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒐𝒇𝒇.

𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑰 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒓 𝑪𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒄𝒆'𝒔 𝒇𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒂𝒓𝒕 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒕 𝒉𝒊𝒎, 𝑰 𝒉𝒐𝒑𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒑𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎.

𝑰 𝒅𝒐𝒏'𝒕 𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒎𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒘𝒂𝒚 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝒎𝒚 𝒉𝒆𝒂𝒅 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒈𝒉, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑰 𝒅𝒐, 𝑰'𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒓𝒆𝒆!

𝑰'𝒎 𝒇𝒆𝒆𝒍𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒐𝒐 𝒎𝒂𝒏𝒚 𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒔 𝑰 𝒘𝒂𝒍𝒌 𝒐𝒇𝒇, 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝒎𝒆 𝒆𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒈𝒐𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒐 𝑱𝒊𝒎𝒊𝒏 𝒊𝒔𝒏’𝒕 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎.

𝑵𝒐𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒚𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒆!

========================================

All I can do is sob and I can't think of anything else, I can't sleep, I haven't showered or bathed in four days and I haven't thought of eating either, I tried to but it tastes like cardboard.

I feel like I just got out of a fever dream, one of my own stupid making.

I bet I look dreadful, I know my eyes are swollen and bloodshot and my face is definitely all puffy and red, I know I’m looking awful.

My hair is probably looking like a literal bird's nest right now and my eyes will also be looking black too from zero sleep.

I bet I look like the crypt keeper right now, but a fat one!

I muted my phone calls at first, then I turned it off where there were annoying notification sounds coming from all my social media too.

Some randoms I didn't even know had been messaging me, I know they are just trying to get the dirt on the absolute shit show that is my life right now.

I know they all filmed what has to be the most humiliating moment of my life, I hope my brother doesn't see it but I bet Jungkook heard about it from Taehyung who was there too.

Taehyung was a good friend to me but it was secret because he was my fellow rant buddy, he knew things I couldn’t tell the others.

So that means Jin probably does know.

I don’t want any lectures or pity parties.

I cringe knowing that everyone is gonna say I told you so, but really they all don't know the truth of why I stayed with him.

Someone was banging on my door for half an hour yesterday but I didn't answer it, just in case it was Jimin.

As I didn't want to see him or listen to his gaslighting ass.

He tried knocking on the door and calling all day Sunday after his baby momma and her friend had told me what he had done.

This is the thing he couldn't ever fix, not this time...It's permanent.

And my toxic nightmare is finally over...It’s finally done.

Why does he always do this to me?

He always cheats on me and then comes back telling me that he was wasted, drunk or the woman came onto him.

Then he manipulates me, lies, gas lights me and then cries if I don't listen to his apologies.

He knows how much it messes with my head, with my body image, especially when the women are tall, model looking and slim.

I'm short and also chubby, I wear glasses and wear cute and comfortable clothes, not short tight dresses.

Someone is currently banging on my door again and I just pull the quilt over my head trying to hide from the whole world.

I can hear someone shouting but I just put my hands over my ears and hum childishly under the blankets wanting the shouting and banging to stop.

When the banging stops I sigh, why don't they get that I don't want anyone's pity or fake sad faces, I don't want anyone asking me bullshit questions under the guise of being nice just so they can get the tea about my trauma.

And I definitely don't want to see Jimin.

I don't want to talk about how my heart has been ripped from my chest and stomped on, and not just by Jimin.

Or how there is no coming back from this, no lie or manipulation can make this go away, it's the permanent kind of mistake that I don't want to live with or have to deal with, not anymore.

I can't keep my mind occupied from what really torments me, I usually distract my mind with the drama Jimin brings me but not anymore, this is too much.

Jimin made his bed and he can damn well lay in it, we are done and I'm finally grieving the utter disappointment, disaster and despair that my relationship with him has been.

This whole relationship has damaged my soul and will leave a permanent mark.

Toxic wasn't a strong enough word to describe what our relationship was.

When I jumped into this relationship it was to forget someone else, but it never worked.

I’d never have to be there waiting for him to come home from the club anymore, or knowing I’m sleeping alone yet again.

Calling him only to get voicemail again or texting and seeing that he’s left me on read for the thousandth time.

Having people DM me to tell me that they are sleeping with Jimin or that they have just seen Jimin cheating with someone.

Or the multiple women’s scents lingering on his clothes, the occasional makeup smears on his shirt.

The marks he insists are scratches or pinch marks from working out.

My heart is no longer in my chest and I feel hollow and empty, but I also feel a strange calm, a feeling of relief that I can finally break free from this toxic and painful farce of a relationship.

It's cathartic and it feels like I have broken free from him mentally, emotionally and physically.

I'm grieving the painful loss but I'm scared of being alone after all my friends left or betrayed me because of him and of course some left because of me staying with him after his cheating.

It's been three years of me eating away my sorrows, crying into my best friend's arms, getting medication to deal with my depression and anxiety because of the pain and suffering.

Three years of my body looking worse and me not caring about my appearance anymore, because that's how I feel inside...Worthless and hollow.

Like I would never deserve or get the man I really wanted, he’s proven time and time again that he only wants to be my best friend.

When I think about it I don't ever remember a time when Jimin wasn't hurting me or making me feel like a piece of garbage.

Our honeymoon period was about six months and then it went to shit, then I found out he had cheated.

My friends all warned me away from him when I was in my first year of college and I should have listened, I was stupid and thought I could see the best in people.

One by one my friends had arguments with me about him, lost interest because of my depression and me not going out much anymore, or they slept with Jimin too.

The only ones I still see are my brother Seokjin and my best friend Jungkook, even though they don't see me as much due to them having arguments with Jimin about how he treats me.

Taehyung is sometimes still around when we are together as a group due to Jungkook and Jin though.

I see Taehyung on my own sometimes because he knows my big secret. He was there at a really bad time for me one night and saw my terrible meltdown.

No one else knows he is my rant buddy though, not even Jungkook or Jimin.

But I don't see Yoongi or Namjoon anymore because they detest Jimin.

I have lost count of the amount of times Jin had Jimin by his shirt threatening to punch his lights out.

Jungkook punched him once for sleeping with my other best friend Sharmin, they were doing it behind my back for six months.

This was at the beginning of the second year of our relationship.

My other childhood friend Denise slept with him on a drunken night out too, it was the night that I went to my auntie's wedding with Jin and Jungkook.

Jimin didn't want to come to the wedding with me because my family really hates him and he refused to be judged by them.

I wasn't aware that they all knew he was a cheater because Jin had told them.

That incident with Denise was the first time I was aware of him cheating on me, others already knew he was a cheater and they all tried to shield me from it.

They tried to force Jimin to break up with me but he never did, he would just goad them and tell them to fuck off.

It’s why Yoongi had punched him, he was vile about it and had got up in Yoongi’s face too.

The others knew because they had caught Jimin in the act multiple times, they had all threatened him, had him by the throat and had even punched him.

A mutual friend of all of ours Taehyung took a picture of them kissing in the club that night and had sent it to Jungkook’s phone, who totally gave it away by the look on his face and I found out because I grabbed his phone feeling worried for him.

It was then that he told me everything and explained how it wasn't the first time, I also found out that day that Jimin was cheating on me the whole time.

He promised to change and I believed him like a stupid idiot, I clung to a useless pipe dream.

Should've known better.

Jungkook has been my best friend since we were six and we have both grown up together, we went through our teens learning and making mistakes.

We had shared our first kiss when we were 13, a peck and it was a dare whilst we were ditching at his house and Jungkook was a little awkward for a few weeks after but we got over it.

Nothing else like that happened for at least a year after, I think we were fifteen when it started to happen again.

Both of us started having a rebellious stage that sort of started when we were thirteen but got worse when we were both sixteen.

We were bunking off school and daring each other to do things, getting drunk and smoking weed.

We once went skinny dipping because of a dare and another time I had to flash him, we had our first French kiss together at 16 too and we made out grinding on each other when we were wasted too, but Jungkook obviously didn't remember it because he got a girlfriend two weeks later.

We are the kind of friends who are comfortable cuddling and sharing a bed, telling each other our secrets and dreams.

I had a huge crush on him all through my childhood and teen years, by the time I was sixteen I knew that I was totally in love with him.

I lamented the whole thing and tortured myself about telling him, I was worried that I would lose him.

I was finally going to tell him on my seventeenth birthday after my other friend Denise told me to go for it, but a few days before I was going to surprise him he got a girlfriend and my heart literally broke into pieces.

I stayed being his friend and had to watch him be with another girl, so I had to learn to separate my crush from my friendship.

The only boyfriend I have ever had was Jimin.

I told Jungkook I had a boyfriend when he asked me what the surprise was but I didn't have one.

I lied when he got his first girlfriend and wasn't spending as much time with me, by the time he finished with the girl I just said I split up with the fake boyfriend.

I also lied and told him I had sex with that boyfriend before I met Jimin, I didn't though.

He was disappointed at me for staying with Jimin and our relationship suffered a lot because he would get angry at me every time I forgave Jimin.

Jungkook would argue with me, with our hurt feelings he would stay away for a few days, then come back knowing how hurt I would be to lose him too.

========================================

I panic when I hear the keys unlock my front door, wondering who the hell would have the spare keys.

Who would be able to get them from my mother?

I hope it's not Seokjin as he will kill Jimin this time and I don't want him to get arrested due to me.

I grip on to my quilt when I hear the footsteps approaching, I don't want anyone to see me like this.

"Princess?"

I breath hitches immediately and I hear him sigh, he tries to pull the quilt from me.

"Baby, come on it's okay, let me see you"

I pull the quilt from my head and my lip quivers when he looks down to me with sad eyes.

"Oh my Princess, come here"

He pulls me into his arms and I straddle him crying my heart out, he smooths my back softly rocking me.

"It's okay Baby, it's gonna be okay. I'm here now and I'm gonna take care of my Princess"

Jungkook has come like he usually does. Why does he always come to save me, comfort me and look after me?

I don't deserve his kindness and love.

He's had to put up with this kind of shit for the three years of me being with Jimin and he still hasn't left this friendship.

"I heard from Taehyung that you had a huge argument in college with Jimin, he only picked up some details, I'm so sorry Baby. You don't deserve this kind of pain, my Princess. I tried calling you and texting and you didn't answer, I got really worried when you didn't answer the door to me Baby. I had to go get the keys from momma when you didn't answer the phone or the door"

He caresses my hair as he carries on gently rocking me, he's always called my Mother momma too.

"He...He...J-Jungkook..He..I.."

That's it I start sobbing again.

"It's okay Baby, you don't have to talk about it yet, don't upset yourself"

He coos at me kissing the top of my head.

"Don't cry Princess, it hurts my heart, please don't cry"

He sounds forlorn when he talks to me, it’s like he is in pain too.

My cries eventually turn into shudders and I calm down.

I must have fallen asleep in his arms because when I open my eyes again it's dark outside.

He must be stiff from holding me in the same position for so long.

"Are you awake?"

I hear him whisper and I nod into his chest.

"Shall we get you something to eat, and don't say no because I know you haven't ate anything in days, I know you by now"

He quietly says into my hair.

"Not hungry"

I mumble into his chest and he tuts at me.

"Baby, you have to eat! Now I'm gonna help sort you out and we are gonna have something to eat okay!"

Jungkook scolds me and I sigh and slowly start to nod because I know he won't take no for an answer.

"Let's run you a bath first and then get you into some comfy pyjamas, then I'm ordering us some takeaway, okay Princess"

I just mumble okay into his chest.

Jungkook places me on the sofa and goes off to run me a bath, I hear the water running and him moving about.

But being left to my own thoughts gets me crying again, by the time he comes back I'm in a state again.

"Oh my Baby! Come here!"

He says sadly pulling me into his arms picking me up, I cling to him like a koala and just sob.

I think I'm crying for many reasons, the reason I got into the relationship in the first place, the constant cheating, the outcome of said cheating, finally being done with the relationship.

How unloved, drained and damaged he has left me feeling and me feeling like I'm actually going to be free from it, it's finally over.

It's like I feel utter relief, but I'm numb because I carried on with this shit show for only one reason and now I have to live with my thoughts again, my pain.

"Come on my Princess, I'm going to help you alright. Is that okay? I won't look at you, but you need to wash and get into some clean clothes. Is that okay?"

I don't reply at first and just panic in his arms, he can't see me with no clothes on, he will be disgusted and think I look horrible.

He only saw me in underwear a few years back, once when I flashed him as a teen and once naked in the shower by mistake when I was about nineteen, I've put on weight since then.

"Princess?? Answer me! Words...Is that okay?"

Jungkook has a stern voice when he asks me and I just nod in his chest.

"Words Baby"

"Hmm okay, y-yes"

I mutter quietly.

"Okay let's go to the bathroom"

He softly replies, pecking my hair.

Jungkook puts me down and I just stare at the ground feeling flustered and embarrassed.

"Arms up Baby, good girl"

I slowly put them up and he slowly pulled my hoodie off.

Then he reaches for my t-shirt and I start to panic because I have no bra on and he is going to see my chubby belly too

Grabbing on to the bottom of my t-shirt to stop him he tuts at me.

"Princess! Are you gonna do it yourself? What's wrong?"

I shake my head and tears start to drop from my eyes.

"Y-You can't see me, I'm gross! J-Jimin said he only cheated because I've turned into a fat pig and I look disgusting! I d-don't want you to be d-disgusted by me or my fat!”

He now looks really angry with me and he cusses loudly.

"He fucking said what?! How dare he talk about my Princess like that! I'm gonna punch his lights out when I see him next!!"

Jungkook looks furious and I start worrying that he is going to get in trouble and I'm not worth getting arrested for.

"NO!! JUNGKOOK! You can't get arrested because of me! I'm not worth it!"

I panic and he just sighs at me.

"You ARE worth it! To ME you are worth it! You are my beautiful best friend and I would go to jail...for you"

He tells me with no hesitation in his voice.

"Now stop being stupid, I could NEVER be disgusted by you! Come on, I won't look! Let's get you in the tub before it gets cold"

Jungkook adds pulling my top off looking me in my eyes, my arm goes to my belly immediately but he doesn’t say anything.

He just kneels down and tugs at my leggings looking to the side, then he gingerly takes my socks off.

Only my panties are left so he quickly yanks those down and stands up only looking me in the eyes.

"Come on Baby, get in the tub"

I quickly get in and pull my knees up to my chest, he gives me a small smile and nods to himself in reassurance, picking up my dirty clothes to put them in the washing basket.

"The sponge and body wash is there. I will help you do your hair first okay. Then you can wash yourself, alright Princess"

He quietly says pulling the shower attachment to rinse my hair, I sigh as he runs his fingers through my long tresses.

Stopping he puts shampoo on and massages it in making me hum and put my head back.

"Does that feel relaxing Baby?"

He gives me a little chuckle as I nod.

After finishing my hair he tells me to wash my body and he's going to go order some food.

I nod and gingerly pick up the sponge washing myself all over, after I'm finished he knocks back on the door and asks if I'm ready to get out.

I reply that I am and he walks in holding up a towel and wrapping me up in it.

Then he picks me up and walks me into my room.

He proceeds to dry my hair first and then tells me to dry my body, he goes off when the door buzzer sounds off.

I get myself dried and look at the loungewear set he has set down on the bed for me.

I grab the top first and quickly put it on, then I quickly pull on the bottoms.

Jungkook walks in just as I finish and gives me a small smile.

"Let's put your hair in a plait or something first. The food is here Baby, so let's hurry up and go eat"

I nod and he comes over to comb through my knotty hair, then he does it in a side plait.

Afterwards we sit down to eat, well Jungkook eats and then forces me to eat by feeding me himself when he sees that I just push my food around on my plate.

When he is satisfied that I have eaten enough he cleans the dishes and we snuggle up in my room to watch one of my comfort films.

We watch spirited away, he knows it won't trigger me or remind me of Jimin because he never watched anime with me, he hated it and called it childish.

As I cuddle up to Jungkook I wonder how I can be so lucky to have such a great best friend.

He has always been there for me, he has never left me even after the arguments we have had about Jimin.

Jungkook even put up with Jimin's horrible attitude every time he came to mine, with the constant sarcastic comments and the loud scoffing every time Jungkook talked to me.

He ignored it all just to make me happy.

He came on my birthday to see me, on Christmas days too and never forgot any important events, not like Jimin did.

Jungkook has even put me above the few girlfriends he has had and finished with them when they got jealous of our relationship, one demanded for him to stop seeing me and he refused and finished with her the next day.

He refused to go to any dances with girls that asked in high school too because he would always pgo with me.

They didn't like him calling me Princess at all or hugging me goodbye or pecking my head, or when he would hold my hand.

Or when he would drop a date to run to me because of Jimin cheating again, when he would tell them he couldn't spend Sundays with them because it was our day together.

I sometimes feel really bad anxiety and guilt about what he has given up due to me, am I stopping him from being happy, from finding love?

I actually told him this once, to stop finishing with his girlfriends because of me and he said if they didn't like his Princess then they aren't the one for him, that they have to be able to deal with the fact that his best friend is a woman.

All of his relationships were short and he told me he never loved them, that it was easy to choose me over them.

But I still feel riddled with an uncomfortable guilt about ruining his relationships and interfering with his dates too.

I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to keep him to myself or that I'm messing with his relationships on purpose because of my own problems and feelings.

That I was toxic because I stayed with Jimin not only because I was trying to forget Jungkook but because he would come comfort me and spoil me for weeks after Jimin had cheated.

========================================

Jungkook has stayed with me all week, he even called the college for me and got me my notes from any classes I needed.

He has been a godsend and an Angel like he always is.

He even spoke to Seokjin and my mother when they came round and I didn't want to talk to anyone yet.

I felt embarrassed because they were all right about Jimin and I had stubbornly ignored all the talks and advice.

Jungkook knew that there was a few videos going around and told me people were actually on my side, but I didn't want to relive it.

Apparently no one at college was saying bad things about me, he told me that they are mad at Jimin for how he treated me AND Candice.

I told him that I still needed a little time and that I wasn't ready to go back and hear the gossip yet.

Jimin tried knocking on the door twice over the last week and Jungkook said I didn't want to see him anymore.

When I finally texted him to come get his things he must have thought he could get in and gaslight me again, but he was definitely not happy when Jungkook was the one that came to the door with a box of his belongings.

He just got into a fight with Jungkook at my front door now too, his attitude stinks.

It happened right after he handed Jimin's things to him in a box because I definitely didn't want to.

Jimin clearly wasn't happy that Jungkook was still with me and had just answered the door in just a pair of sweats and socks with no top on.

Jungkook punched him hard giving him a black eye after he started goading him saying that he must have finally hit it and saw how good my fat ass bounces when you hit it from the back.

That I was really good at sucking dick and that maybe he can finally feel what it's like for me to deep throat him, he was vile with his words.

After that he said that he was glad that Jungkook could finally get with me after pining after me for so long and how horrible it must have been for Jungkook having to listen to him fuck me raw all those times he slept over.

Then I gasped when he said that he made sure that I used to scream extra loud the nights Jungkook stayed over, just to give him something to wank off to, where he felt sorry for him.

That he stayed with me just to piss Jungkook off and how he always used to laugh with his friends when he used to see how sad and love sick he was over me. Jungkook totally lost it punching him again making his nose bleed.

He was absolutely fuming when he slammed the door in his face, it made a picture fall on the floor and I could see how furious he was as he paced around the room.

I just walked over and cuddled him, it stopped his pacing, luckily it calmed him down enough to not go beat Jimin's ass, because he looked ready to go back to the front door and kill him.

When I asked him if he was okay he just kissed me on the head and then nodded silently, then quietly saying he just needed a few minutes alone, then he walked off to the bathroom slamming the door hard.

I sat there feeling really uncomfortable because of what Jimin had just said to Jungkook, surely Jungkook doesn't feel that way about me, he would have told me...Wouldn't he?

He always told me everything, we never kept secrets from each other.

Why was Jimin saying those things?

I knew Jimin was jealous of Jungkook and that's all it sounded like up until the fight I last had with him and he had mentioned Jungkook in jealousy.

But what Jimin just said to him was too much, what does he know that I don't?

What did Jimin see that I didn't?

I know that I have always loved Jungkook but he never felt that way about me, did he?

When Jungkook doesn't come out of the bathroom I quietly walk over to the door on top toes, I’m about to knock but I pause when I hear him sniffling and clearly crying.

Why is he crying?

Do I still knock? What if he's crying because he can't take my shit anymore and all of this has finally gotten to him?

I pick up the courage to finally knock after agonising about whether to disturb him or not.

"Jungkook? Please let me in"

I plead with him, feeling guilty that he's crying because of Jimin and what he just did.

He goes quiet and I hear the tap turn on and water splashing, then I hear him let out a loud sigh.

When he finally opens the door I can clearly see that he has been crying, his eyes are red and puffy, his nose red.

He looks so down and sad when he looks at me though, I frown at his defeated demeanour.

I absolutely hate seeing him cry, Jungkook has never been one to shy away from his emotions but it has always made me cry whenever I saw him crying.

Cuddling him immediately because I can't bear to see him suffering or sad, I fling my arms around him.

His arms go around me squeezing me tightly and I hear him sniffle again.

"Jungkookie please don't cry! I hate seeing you cry Kookie. Please tell me what's wrong, what's upset you?"

I ask him mumbling into his muscular torso.

"I..I can't Princess...I can't tell you. I don't want to ruin our friendship, I don't want to lose you"

Jungkook sounds so broken as he replies to me, I'm worried that he has betrayed our friendship in some way and is too scared to tell me.

"Kookie, nothing would ever make me stop being your friend. You are my person, my everything and my soulmate. You have been there for me when everyone else betrayed me or hurt me. You know nearly all my secrets and I know yours! The only ones I haven't told you about were for the sake of our friendship. I know our friendship has been strained over the last three years because of Jimin, but you have always been there for me, even when you were mad at me, you still came back to comfort me"

I tell him still hugging him.

"Not ALL my secrets Princess, that's why I can't tell you and what do you mean for the sake of our friendship?"

He finally sighs, squeezing me a little tighter, but sounds puzzled when he asks me.

"Oh..Umm I'm not sure whether it's even worth me telling you now as it doesn't really matter because I can't go back in time and change anything"

I mumble into his chest feeling shy and too scared to tell him.

"Baby, just tell me. If it was so long ago then what does it matter?"

I sigh, biting my lip and wondering if I should just tell him.

"I...Please don't leave me if I tell you, I can't take you leaving me too Jungkook, promise me. And technically it started when I was a child but it's not long ago too as it has still not ended. It’s still relevant”

I inhale a big intake of air after he promises that he won't leave me, I finally tell him what I have hid from him for sixteen years.

"I had a huge crush on you all through my childhood and teenage years. But when I was sixteen I realised that I actually loved you romantically after we did that dare and kissed and got off with each other when we were drunk, but you acted like you forgot. I was going to finally tell you later on when I was seventeen after agonising about it but...but you got a girlfriend a few days before I was going to tell you. I was going to surprise you in a cute way but it was too late, so I lied when you finally asked what my surprise was and I told you I had a boyfriend, but I didn't. I...I was also a virgin and hadn't ever been with anyone else or had a boyfriend when I met Jimin when I was nineteen. You were the only person I had kissed or had ever done anything sexual with. I stayed with him because I didn't want to ruin our friendship and every time you got a new girlfriend I would just forgive Jimin because it hurt me too much to be left with my thoughts of you being with another woman. I have always felt guilty about it and felt like I was ruining your real chance at love. So I just stayed with Jimin because you kept losing your chance at love because of me being a fucking screw up and I knew you couldn't possibly love someone who looked like me. All of your girlfriends were so beautiful and looked like models, I knew I stood no chance because I'm small, not pretty and dumpy. I'm not them. I also walked in on you having sex with your girlfriend a few days later when I was seventeen and cried for a whole week. I lied and said I had the flu and didn't come to school for a whole week!!"

I stop and it's totally quiet, he doesn't say anything for a few minutes and neither do I.

I'm just waiting for him to walk out on me and tell me he could never love me like that.

"Oh Princess! I'm so sorry!"

He suddenly starts crying again, but he is not just crying he's sobbing.

"I..Th-That is all my fault!! I..I listened to a friend who told me to get a girlfriend to try to get over liking you! I didn't like her, I just didn't want to fuck up our friendship..and.. and he said I had to get over you. Because you clearly weren't interested like that, especially after you didn't acknowledge our drunken dare I thought you didn't remember either! OR that you wanted to forget it! When you lied and said you had a boyfriend, that you had had sex. I was so hurt and in my anger I slept with...with that g-girl! It was dreadful and I felt awkward doing it with someone I didn't love! WHY? WHY DID YOU LIE?! WHY TORTURE YOURSELF AND STAY WITH JIMIN BECAUSE OF ME!! YOU HURT YOURSELF AND ITS ALL BECAUSE OF ME!!"

He gets louder as he starts to sound almost angry with me.

"I lied because it fucking killed me Jungkook and my friend said that I should really try to get over it and realise that you only loved me as a best friend!! I couldn't understand how we always ended up doing things when we were drunk or daring each other but acted normal when we weren't! I saw you two all over each other on the bed the day before I told you and lied that I had sex, I went to your house and ran out when I caught you! You must have liked her or you wouldn't have been kissing her like that Jungkook! And you never told me you liked me either and after we kissed that time when we were thirteen too, you also acted like it was a mistake!! And what friend?"

I exclaim back as he is not going to just lay this at my front door!

"It was Hoseok! What does it matter now!"

He scoffs at me and I chuckle sarcastically now, he has to be kidding.

This has to be a cruel joke, Hoseok?

"You do know that Hoseok kept asking me out and I refused him loads of times! I even shouted at him one time that I was already in love with someone else. I got so exasperated with his persistence and even though I didn't admit it he guessed it was you and I just walked off without confirming it! He fucking did that because he was mad that I refused him so many times, I hope you know that! And you had so many girlfriends over the years and kept talking about your great sex life in front of me!! Even before I got with Jimin!! SO WHY THE FUCK WOULD I THINK OTHERWISE JUNGKOOK?!”

I yell at him, sounding exasperated, throwing my arms up.

He looks really shocked at what I just said, then his whole expression darkens and he now looks really angry.

"That piece of shit!! If I ever see him again I'm gonna punch him! After you got that boyfriend I tried to act like a normal friend because I thought you didn't like me either! And I only did that the last three years because Jimin would constantly talk about doing sexual things with you every time he spoke to Taehyung in front of me! Or when I would come over even! And I literally hate fucked those women where I was so mad all the time! I never told any of them that I loved them, I always left them when they tried to tell me to stop talking to YOU! Loads of them demanded that I choose them and I NEVER DID ALICE!! I CHOSE YOU!! I never did because...because I.."

Jungkook is exclaiming really loudly at me before his defeated voice drops off getting quieter.

He sighs, running his hand over his face.

"And do you know I haven't slept with Jimin for about six months! I told him to prove he loved me. And every time he cheated again I barely went near him for ages!! So as you could imagine it was a lot of time with no sex! Because of what Jungkook?”

I’m so exasperated with this whole thing and it shows when I talk.

But when I ask him the last question I go dead still waiting for him to answer, it feels like ages before he finally does answers.

"Because...Because I love you Alice, I have loved you since we were kids. But I was scared to lose you and I didn't think you wanted me like that. When I kissed you that day when I was thirteen I felt so happy, but I was also scared that you would think it was a mistake and stop being friends with me. I even panicked that night when you slept over, because you almost caught me having a wet dream about you and I thought you heard me! So I joked off the kiss the next day so I wouldn't get hurt or that you would think I was moaning your name because of that! Then as we got older even though our dare's were getting more sexual you always talked about crushes and wanting to get a boyfriend one day, that you would have one who would be your best friend. But I didn't think you meant me, I thought you were going to get a new best friend and forget about me! And my friendship with you was always special to me!"

He pauses his actual rant running his fingers through his hair then he carries on sighing.

"When you got with Jimin and I had to see you kiss him for the first time I was so upset I ran off and I think Jimin saw me and realised that I loved you. That's why he said all those things! He would also start grabbing you and kissing you on purpose to see my reaction, he even used to look right at me or smirk at me. I thought it was because he knew I hated him for cheating on you, but it was to flaunt it in my fucking face! Do you know how that felt, to watch him treat the woman I loved for so long like that! Did you know that I almost left here for a once of a lifetime internship about two years ago, I couldn't watch you two together anymore. But he cheated with Sharmin just before I was going to leave and you were so upset that I couldn't leave you in that state! So I bailed on them and lost the internship! But he would always goad me saying things like you had just had make up sex and was a little sore and horrible things like that! That the neighbours complained last night because of you screaming!! But now I know it was all fucking lies!"

His hands are moving everywhere as he speaks, he looks so frustrated and angry.

I'm about to reply and he starts ranting at me again, unloading everything.

"I feel like I have been fucking stuck in limbo since I was a teenager! Never being able to move on because I can't love anyone else!! It’s like we were in an emotional relationship! There is no one else I can imagine having kids with or marrying, no one else I could ever imagine living with because in my imagination and dreams it's always you!! They are just never you and they never will be you! It's why I always picked women that I wasn't really that attracted to and that looked the furthest thing from what you looked like! I didn't want to feel like I was using them as a replacement or as a substitute! Because no one could ever replace you in my mind!”

He looks really hurt and is just unloading the mother of all rants on me, the pent up energy is just spilling out of him.

“One girl finished with me because I was moaning your name in my sleep and it clearly wasn't a normal dream!! It's no wonder they were always jealous of you, I have pictures of us in my apartment everywhere. I have your clothes in my apartment, your toothbrush, your deodorant, pyjamas, your favourite food, your favourite films even!! I never called them Baby or Princess, they got no pet names! All of my phone is filled with pictures and videos of us together, my phone screen is of one of us together too! My wallpaper on my computer is even of us together!! I finished with a girl once because she threw a picture of us together as kids against a wall in a fit of jealousy and it smashed and she ruined it too! I have only had angry one night stands for eighteen months because I couldn't go through these bullshit lies about liking these women anymore! I lied about having girlfriends to you too!"

He lets out a huge huff of air where he is literally panting from spilling every last piece of frustration from the last sixteen years.

Jungkook stops his angry rant and looks down at me with a horrible hurt look in his eyes, my heart clenches at his pain because it’s my pain too.

His hand tenderly reaches for my face, placing his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb against it.

I tenderly place my hand over his and lean into his touch, closing my eyes.

"How dare he hurt my Alice, MY ALICE! I have wanted to beat his ass so many times over the years!! Please never go back to him! I couldn't bear it, not again. I would leave for good, because I just can't handle watching it anymore Alice, it’s been destroying me. Please give me a chance, I would never treat you like that or cheat on you. I meant every word I said Baby, I love you so much. No one will ever love you as much as I love you, I love you so much that it hurts to be apart from you. I love you so much that I stayed because you are my home and my heart, my everything and I would be hollow without you"

Jungkook tells me with tenderness in his voice.

I open my eyes to finally look up at him, he leans in to give me a firm kiss on my forehead, then each cheek, then finally he leaves a lingering chaste kiss on my lips.

When he pulls away his face is still right by mine, my eyes scan his face and he is so beautiful, his dark doe eyes look more hopeful because I didn't stop him from kissing me.

I place my hand in his hair pulling his head back to mine pressing his lips against mine and as soon as his lips part I kiss him with a fervent passion my tongue caressing his, because I'm so hungry for this kiss, I'm finally able to kiss them like I have imagined so many times over the years.

He picks me up so fast making me straddle him, his lips still furiously kissing mine as he groans into my mouth.

Jungkook walks over to the sofa sitting down with me pulling me against his body, his hand moves to my waist and the other winds its fingers into my hair keeping me against his enthusiastic mouth making me whimper into the kiss.

When we pull away he keeps his lips ghosting over mine as we pant from the lack of breath.

"I love you so fucking much Jungkook! I always have and I always will, forevermore. I have never loved anyone else but you, it’s always been you. It could never be anyone but you”

I pant as my hot breath falls against his lips.

"My Princess, my Baby, I love you with every single part of my soul. My Alice. My beautiful girl, my best friend, you have never been anyone else’s but mine”

He replies, squeezing me tighter.

========================================

After our big argument we decided to take it slow but we are finally together, we laugh now about how stupid we both were as teenagers.

But we have been having really long deep conversations all the time to get through the hurt we have put each other through.

We both thought it was wise to heal first and not to jump headfirst into a sexual thing yet.

I have some really happy parents right now who told us it was about time we both realised that we loved each other, that it was so obvious to everyone but us.

They are all happy that Jimin is now a thing of the past, that I finally broke it off with him.

They were terrified that I would get pregnant and have him stuck in my life for good.

It's been six weeks since I split from Jimin and he still keeps trying to call me and message me on social media.

I blocked him a few times and he keeps getting new accounts, Jungkook finally texted him and told him to back the hell off.

He wasn't happy with Jungkook and told him to mind his own business.

Every time we see him we walk off in the opposite direction before he can see us.

We have been still taking it slow and I've been back at college for two weeks now, no one has noticed that we’re a couple where we were so close before anyway.

We are liking it that way for now, so there is no pressure from anyone.

People just thought he was being extra cautious and protective with me, so they didn't say anything when he held my hand or fed me food in the cafeteria.

Well they did think that, until Jimin just tried to approach me again today in the cafeteria and Jungkook told him to get away from me.

I can see everyone already whispering and I can see his baby momma watching us with a hurt look on her face, I notice her belly looking bigger than before and her friend is definitely looking pissed.

"What fucking business is it of yours Jungkook! Let me speak to Alice and stop being the pathetic unrequited love disguised as a best friend!!"

Jimin sneers at him loudly before looking back at me, I hear an 'oh shit!' from Taehyung who knows Jungkook is probably going to punch him.

I'm about to stand up to tell him to get lost and to not speak to my boyfriend like that but Jungkook beats me to it.

"Best friend?! You are a little behind on the news Jimin. Ha ha ha!! What you say to MY GIRLFRIEND, very much affects me!"

He replies loudly standing up in his seat pushing his tray away, we hear gasps from people.

"ABOUT TIME!! IT WAS OBVIOUS!!"

Someone yells out, I dart my face to the sound source but I don't see who it is.

Pretty sure it was Taehyung though as he knew I loved Jungkook, I realised that he may have known that Jungkook loved me too.

Not that I can hold it against him as he kept my secrets, one of my darkest secrets. So it’s only fair he kept Jungkook’s secrets too.

"YOU AND HER!! Oh you finally wormed your way in there and took advantage of my little mess! I always knew you wanted to take Alice from me. Do you think I didn't see all your love sick looks and those times you would walk off when I was kissing her! She is definitely on the rebound, how does it feel to be the rebound, poor Jungkookie! How did it feel to watch the girl you loved be kissed by me and to have to listen to her getting fucked by me!!"

He mocks him, sounding really angry and Jungkook jerks towards him where he is about to grab him but Jungkook pauses his head darting to me when I slam my drink down making a mess.

I’m just about ready to upload all of my frustration, anger and trauma on him, I’m ready.

"SHUT UP!! JUST SHUT UP JIMIN!! YOU WERE THE ONE WHO WAS THE STAND IN, THE FUCKING REPLACEMENT! WHERE I COULDN'T HAVE WHO I REALLY LOVED!! YOU COULDN'T HOLD A CANDLE TO JUNGKOOK! HE AND I HAVE BASICALLY BEEN IN AN EMOTIONAL RELATIONSHIP FOR SIXTEEN YEARS AND YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE!! BUT WE WERE TOO STUPID TO ADMIT WE HAVE LOVED EACH OTHER SINCE WE WERE CHILDREN!! HE WAS WHO I THOUGHT ABOUT WHEN I DREAMED, WHO I THOUGHT ABOUT WHENEVER I DID HAVE SEX WITH YOU, WHICH WAS RARELY DUE TO YOU CHEATING SO MUCH! WHO I DREAMED ABOUT MARRYING!! DON'T YOU REALISE THAT I HAVE NEVER SAID I LOVED YOU TO YOU, NOT ONCE! DID YOU NEVER NOTICE THAT I ONLY EVER REPLIED ME TOO! NOT THAT YOU HAVE EVER LOVED ME ANYWAY! BUT I ALWAYS TOLD JUNGKOOK THAT I LOVED HIM! AND EVEN IF HE DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS IN A ROMANTIC WAY, IT WAS!! HE IS A THOUSAND TIMES THE MAN YOU ARE!! HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW I LOVED ANOTHER MAN THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WITH YOU!”

I’m shouting so loud that I’m surprised the college security hasn’t come yet.

I hear someone suddenly yell out.

"YES SAVAGE!! Tell him Alice! He damn well deserves it!! He is the ultimate piece of shit!!"

I look and see that it's my old friend Yoongi who grins at me, he hates Jimin and punched him really hard once.

Jungkook is smiling at me, I can tell that he is really proud of me.

"HOW MUCH OF A BASTARD ARE YOU THAT YOUR BABY MOMMA FIANCÉE IS OVER THERE, AND YOU ARE TRYING TO GET ME BACK!! WHY?? JUST SO YOU CAN TELL ME HOW FUCKING FAT I AM OR HOW I AM SOOOO DAMN LUCKY TO BE WITH YOU?? WHY?? SO YOU CAN TREAT ME LIKE SHIT AND CHEAT!! OR WAS IT JUST SO YOU COULD RUB IT IN JUNGKOOK'S FACE?! YOU KNEW HE LOVED ME AND THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY TO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE ACTUALLY LEAVING! SO HE DIDN'T HAVE TO WATCH YOU TEARING ME DOWN AND MAKING ME LOSE WHO I WAS!! YOU MADE ME LOSE ALL OF MY FRIENDS BECAUSE OF YOUR CHEATING! SLEPT WITH MY FRIENDS!! AND STILL TRIED TO TAKE THE ONLY ONE I HAD LEFT BY TRYING TO PUSH HIM TO LEAVE TOO!!"

I shout so loud that everyone is most definitely listening.

"Tell him Baby! Unload it all!"

Jungkook mischievously grins at me.

"I WILL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE!! YOUR SEX WASN'T SHIT COMPARED TO JUNGKOOK'S AND YOU DON'T EVEN COMPARE IN SIZE! HA HA!! YOU COULDN'T EVEN GET ME OFF SO I HAD TO THINK ABOUT JUNGKOOK EVERY TIME! I WAS ONLY WITH YOU TO TRY TO FORGET ABOUT JUNGKOOK! SO FUCK OFF AND DON'T TALK TO ME AGAIN! I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSHIT AND I FEEL SORRY FOR CANDICE HAVING TO PUT UP WITH YOUR TOXIC CRAP FOREVER!! I HATE YOU WITH A PASSION AND WOULDN'T CARE IF I EVER SAW YOU AGAIN! I WASTED THREE YEARS OF MY LIFE ON YOU AND I CAN NEVER GET THEM BACK! WHY WOULD I WANT TO SPEND ANOTHER THREE SECONDS MORE LISTENING TO YOUR RIDICULOUS RUBBISH! NOW LEAVE BEFORE I LET MY BOYFRIEND BEAT YOUR ASS LIKE HE HAS BEEN DYING TO DO FOR THREE YEARS!!"

I sneer at him panting from my insane rant and I move to Jungkook who looks really proud of me for standing up for myself against Jimin finally and for what I just said.

He smirks and kisses me like he misses me and I don't care, I let him.

"WOO HOO!! THAT IS THE ALICE I MISSED!"

My friend Yoongi shouts out and Namjoon hollers out too whooping, I lost both of them due to Jimin.

My old friend Denise even whistles at us because she found out exactly what Jimin was like first hand too.

Taehyung even shouts out loudly.

"ABOUT DAMN TIME JUNGKOOK! I WAS LOSING HOPE THAT ALIKOOK WAS EVER GONNA BE A REALITY!"

Jimin scoffs at us and finally marches away, my whole body goes pliant in Jungkook’s arms as I relax finally.

"I'm so fucking proud of you my Princess! My sex is much better huh, how do you know Baby? Or is that the sex you had in your dreams or imagination when you needed to get off? Hmm I like thinking that you were imagining me and I might have been imagining you at the same time. Now if he ever tries to get under my skin by saying something I can say that it was me who used to make you scream!”

He groans in my ear, oh he likes that I thought about him every time or had to use him to get off.

We haven't had sex yet, just a little light foreplay until we both feel ready, as we are both still healing from years of suffering and trauma we put ourselves through.

"I know. But I couldn't have him mock you Kookie. I was about to punch him and I had to give him the cold hard truth. The way he talked to you was vile, I wasn’t having it, not anymore. That was the only part I lied about though, Kookie. As your dick is almost twice the size of his! THAT I didn't lie about!"

I giggle when he pecks all over my face.

"You two! Is this what I'm going to have to put up with every time I'm at Kook's now?!"

Taehyung shouts out groaning and I look to see everyone staring at our PDA, we cough and he pulls me to his lap and we sit down chuckling as we eat our dinner in peace.

Yoongi congratulates us as he walks to class with us and Namjoon said that he's proud of whoever went for it and confessed.

He was shocked when I put my hand up saying it was me, but he says he's damn proud patting my head.

Tells me that I’m glowing and look so much happier now, that he’s so happy for us.

Yoongi tells me that he is so glad that I’m finally free from that nightmare and Candice actually did me a favour.

Denise messaged me on Instagram telling me that she was sorry about what happened between us and that she is actually glad that I'm finally away from Jimin.

That he is one manipulative, toxic man.

That she was happy that I finally got with Jungkook after all those years of pining, she of course knew because I told her in high school.

She said it was so obvious over the years that we still loved each other.

I feel so damn amazing, I have had friends talk to me again for the first time in a year and I just told Jimin where to go.

AND I finally told him the cold hard truth!

Truths I couldn't admit to even myself before and now I'm brave enough to scream them at Jimin in the cafeteria in front of everyone.

I've finally broken the chain of toxicity and distrust, I'm utterly free.

And when I look up at Jungkook I couldn't be happier, I'm finally where I was supposed to be all along, with my heart, my soulmate, my person, my Jungkook, my love, my everything.

Drabble to this link

=======================================

©️ Bangtans Momma.

Please do not translate, copy, steal or repost my stories as your own, or any part of my story as your own either.

Do not feed any part of my stories into any AI software either.

Sharing the link or re-blogging is perfectly fine of course.

=======================================