The Brain Ain't Braining Today :(

The brain ain't braining today :(

*actually I am kinda wondering how does one know if they’re asexual or aromatic?

I mean sexuality is a huge spectrum and everyone experiences it differently meaning people will all have unique experiences. I personally went through multiple labels before I even figured out I was aro/ace.

In my own experience, I figured out I was asexual first, and then aromantic followed a little bit later. A friend at the time was talking about their experience as a lesbian and mentioned feeling gross around like shirtless men and how attracted they were to women and that was when I realised that sexual attraction was an actual physical thing. Like people have a physical response or something, I don't fully understand and probably won't ever. Aromantic for me was more of a I have never experienced crushes and at this point struggle heavily imagining myself in a romantic relationship. Maybe consider how you feel about potential relationships and what is important to you in relation to them. I'm personally incredibly happy with just platonic relationships cause I get everything I could want from them.

When you just wake up with anxiety and spend all day just trying not to break down... I caffeinated myself as well... not a good choice

₊ ⊹☼ #FAD6A5 Orange ☼⊹ ₊ ──────────────────── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ─────────────────── ₊ ₊ ⊹☼ Pairing: Heeseung x reader ₊ ⊹☼ Synopsis: Your professor asks you to create a new selection of paintings based off what colours mean to you and how they are represented in your view. The first colour: orange ₊ ⊹☼ Genre: College au, soulmate au, artist reader, colourblind reader ₊ ⊹☼ Word count: 992 ₊ ⊹☼ Warnings: Small mention of hook-ups ₊ ⊹☼ A/N: Okay first proper chapter, working my way slowly into it ₊ ⊹☼ Previous ☼⊹ ₊ ₊ ⊹☼ Masterlist ☼⊹ ₊ ₊ ⊹☼ Next ☼⊹ ₊ ──────────────────── ⋆⋅☼⋅⋆ ───────────────────

University was becoming more stressful with each project piling up creating what felt like a never ending list. You had been working on your most recent art piece, a collage which depicted smaller sketches from throughout your week now delicately inked onto canvas. The black dripping down and staining the path in its wake, creating strong themes of connection and bonds. It was one of your favourite works so far and you were pleased that your seat mate, Sunoo, seemed to agree with that fact as he had become incredibly interested in watching the way you left strokes with your brush.

Maybe, that’s why it felt even more shocking for your professor to ask you to stay after class finished, so he could give you some extra feedback.

“While I can see you’re a very talented artist y/n, you’re too linear and set in your ways. I want to see the passion and emotion flourish. Showcase your feelings and life onto the canvas and make something unique. I want to see you succeed and you can’t keep going forward like this. You know what though, I’ll set you an extra task, starting next week, I want you to create a small painting collection depicting individual colours and what they mean to you.”

“But Miss, I can’t-”

“I’m very much aware of your circumstances, however, that is why I feel this task is even more important. Yes, you don’t view the world the same way as everyone else. So what? I see how your classmates depict colours every day through the clothes they wear, the paints they use, the make-up they display. Hell, your seatmate Mr Kim has bright pink hair as way to express himself, but you don’t. I think that’s what makes it even more important to show how things appear to you. I’ll be waiting.”

After returning back to your dorm and greeting the roommates, you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it all. Sitting in front of your canvas didn’t seem to help as you had no idea where to start or even the tools to do. You had never bothered with colours in the past, so why start now? However, Miss Kang was leaving no room for argument, expecting to see the results in the near future.

That room started to feel suffocating and you just needed to be some place else, so as the light outside began to dim you made the trek up the stairs to the rooftop, where you sat down on the lone bench facing the rest of the city. You weren’t sure how long you had been up there when the door slammed open and a slightly tipsy boy stumbled out and plonked himself down next to you.

“Hi”, he said with this blinding and slightly wonky smile on his face.

You mumbled a “hi” back before facing back towards the cityscape where the sun had begone to set behind the buildings and bustling roads. You knew if you focused on his face for too long you would want to sketch it, he was that type of pretty and you couldn’t help sneaking a few peaks back as he rested his eyes for a moment.

You knew who he was, being a friend of Sunoo’s, as the two shared a lunch table often with their 5 other friends, all of who had managed to cause some sort of stir in the times they had been here.

Lee Heeseung.

He was a good guy from what the rumours said, although an unfortunate track records of hook ups alongside his fellow friends in their 3rd year. Maybe that’s why you decided to ask, because you were both so different in personality. Him being confident, courageous and just overall unafraid of being himself and what attention he may receive as a result, while you shied away and tried to fade into the background as much as possible. So with the previous conversation with your teacher on your mind, you asked him “what do the colours express to you?”

You didn’t really expect him to answer so let it hang in the air before turning back to the view.

He seemed to startle at the question like he hadn’t been expecting you to talk to him honestly, and took a moment to collect himself before pausing to think. Unexpectedly enough he did answer you though.

“I guess that depends on which one your talking about, take this sunset though. The soft orange that dominates the skies suggest to me an idea of adventures to come. That the day is coming to a close and the night will soon take over allowing both those that slumber and those that stay awake to each take refuge in the privacy of the night. It can be the warmth that comforts you in moments like these when you want to wrap up in bundles of sweaters and coats to go out with friends or the roar of a fire burning in your ears as you become pissed off.” He seemed to take a minute to breathe there after sharing before attempting to play it all off like a joke, “or you know an orange?”

It was only a few minutes at most, but it felt like something had shifted between the two of you, like you had seen something he wasn’t ready to share yet. You didn’t even know if he knew your name, yet a moment now tied you two together; both equally unsure and contemplating how to move further forwards.

In the end, you decided it best to leave him alone with his thoughts, retreating back down to your dorm, and once more staring at the blank canvas in front of you. This time though, the sparks of an ember were there and you painted long into the night before settling down to sleep as the sun rose and a vivid orange for new beginnings set the scene.

When you start bawling your eyes out at 3am cause wtf not, like y'all writers on here need to stop. You're all too talented, I don't feel this much emotion in general life, how dare you do this to me??!

It's the sudden realisation that attraction is actually a thing that people experience and isn't just 'oh they look cool...' Also like the experience of faking crushes to try and fit in cause I didn't understand why I didn't actually feel anything for anyone.