To The Monster That His Sister Was Scared Of. And Even Though He Saw It All Happening He Couldn't Stop

𝖲𝗈𝗆𝖾𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾 𝗂𝗇 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝗂𝗍 𝗁𝖾 𝗐𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝖻𝗂𝗀 𝖻𝗋𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 to the monster that his sister was scared of. And even though he saw it all happening he couldn't stop it. Even if he heard himself screaming to stop. His own voice seemed muffled, distant, an echo where the words couldn't be made clear no matter how he tried to zone in and listen.

Even as she speaks, there is a voice he tries to ignore telling him not to listen but he knows that she's right - she never asked for what their father had in store for them. He worked his life from the ground up and never wanted his children to want for anything. But for that to happen they had to walk his path and not a path of their choice. Sarah was brave to break herself out of the fish bowl all the while Rafe was swimming in circles hoping to catch Ward's attention for an ounce of praise for the smallest of things. Even if he got that praise it was a short lived moment of victory that would be later ripped away from being chastised for something else he had done wrong.

Rafe soon slumps down on the ground, his knees to his chest, his hands in his hair as he finds himself rocking back and forth like a small child. Never has he allowed his sister to see any kind of weakness until this moment. The dam is busted and there is no stopping it. She's seen him at his worst and she's fought his demons.

But now he sits before her broken. No, broken was too simple. Shattered more like and none of the pieces were fitting anymore as he scrambled to put them back together.

❝ I never wanted to hurt you ... And when I told him I didn't care I did I lied. I cared. I hated myself for it. I just wanted you to see me. I wanted you to see me like you used to. I know it was wrong and I tried to stop but all I could hear, all I could see... ❞ he can't explain it, not the way he wants too. The words spill out of his mouth in whimpers and muffled held in sobs that he couldn't bring himself to release.

❝ I thought if I showed him that I felt nothing he'd not think I was stupid, that I was weak, that he'd stop throwing me around like I was a stupid, broken toy meant for the garbage...❞

maybe she hadn't even noticed. maybe she was so wrapped up in her own escape that she hadn't realized she had started to become just like them in ways she didn't want to be. sarah never meant it if she had looked at him like that. at least not before he's almost taken her life twice. now is a different story. there is too much that's happened for her to not have a jaded outlook on things. the trust she once held within rafe had disappeared the first time he laid hands on her. he was her big brother. he was suppose to be her protector and yet he had become something she feared.

"that's not my fault! you're blaming me for something that dad did. i didn't ask him to compare us. i didn't want him to. i wanted to be my own person. not some example. not to have expectations just hoisted on my shoulders without a say." now she's sure ward would probably tell her she was a disgrace. no matter how much she pretended that rafe's anger and jealousy towards her didn't effect her, it does. it eats at her. hold some fault, even though she's not the one who put the pressure on him.

a flinch is given in response. once at the finger in her face and the second to the sound of his own hand against his head. "rafe..." it's said softly, concerned that he might hurt himself or her in this moment. rafe had become unpredictable to her.

concerned eyes follow him, trying to steel herself for whatever may come her way from him. from his anger to his fists, who knew. but she hadn't expected that outburst. and the look of fear turns into one of sympathy. rafe had just been crying out for help and everyone just tossed him away, sarah included. unintentionally but still done and she can visibly see it. it makes her heart break, tears forming in her own eyes.

"you're none of those things, you know." she means it, even if she's sure he won't take it as such. "look, dad sucks." that was and understatement. "he wanted me to be this perfect daughter who never fought for her own life and that's not me. he wanted you to be something you weren't because it didn't meet HIS expectations. he doesn't define us anymore, rafe."

❝ So what you're saying is your parents just fed you the baby variety of everything ; baby carrots, baby corn..? ❞ He knows if he keeps this up she is going to get him back ; and yet .. the smile on his face indicates that he isn't going to let up any time soon. ❝ Oh now you're just getting kinky, Juni. ❞

❝ Did you eat your veggies when you were a kid ? ❞ There is a light yelp he lets out when she pinches his side, but he also ends up laughing after the fact. ❝ You're about as intimidating as a chihuahua. All yips, no bite. ❞

❝ I'll do it one more time, but after that you're going to need to do something for me in return. ❞ he grins, biting his bottom lip. ❝ Sound fair ? ❞

@borntobebroken gets a starter call!

"do that again. that was really cute."

Emotionally preparing myself to do replies on Rafe here in a bit...

In a world that made me feel worthless , you made me feel something. Like I'm finally enough.

𝖧𝖾 𝖽𝗈𝖾𝗇𝗌'𝗍 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐 𝗐𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗂𝗍 𝗌𝗍𝖺𝗋𝗍𝖾𝖽, maybe when he started self-medicating with cocaine to silence the voices in his head, to focus on being the son that their father wanted instead of the one he got. And yet even then nothing worked but by the time he realized it? It was the only thing that made him feel anything at the high -- it was the lows that sucked. And this was becoming a low point. Knowing that at one time in their life he and Sarah were closer than this. And now?

He tried to shoot John B for his dad, but hit Sarah instead. He tried to drown her but she'd let him fry. She'd let him go to jail, and whatever happened to him there would she care? Does she care that he isn't well? Ward doesn't. Rose doesn't. Why would Sarah care?

❝ In wanting to live your life for you , you didn't give a shit who you hurt in the process, huh? Not Dad, not Wheezie, not m--❞ he stops himself from admitting anything. Instead he is taken aback by her words of when he stopped being her brother.

❝ And you stopped being my sister long before that. ❞ Rafe spat. ❝ You stopped giving a fuck about me a long time ago. Before any of this you stopped seeing me as your brother and you started looking at me like they look at me.❞

Aside from Ward's constant disappointment he can't deny that it hurt like hell that he went from the big brother to someone she seemed to hate and he doesn't even know how they got there.

the way that rafe acts towards her makes her believe he hates her. that he'd rather see her dead than ever work on trying to fix what's broken. maybe a part of her doesn't realize that she's pretty much done the same to him since everything went to shit in her family. feels of abandonment and uninterest scream inside of her. though she knows she's at fault for walking away, they had given her the push. here sarah was, doing exactly what she feared most -- not meeting people's expectations.

this time sarah doesn't back down. holds strong against rafe's intimidating presence. she knows he can hurt her -- he's bigger and stronger but it doesn't sway her. the words hit their mark. of course it stings to know how litter her father cared. especially have she mourned his 'death' on that boat. "i'm not his little princess anymore so of course he doesn't rafe. i wasn't doing what he wanted. i wanted to live my life for me and he hated me for it. you don't think i knew that?"

"you don't know a damn thing about me anymore rafe. you stopped being my brother the day you wanted me dead instead."