{Train Wreck} Azriel X Cassian!Sister {Pt. 2}

{Train Wreck} Azriel x Cassian!Sister {Pt. 2}

Why hello there my loves!!! There was so much positive response for that first part???? I cannot believe people genuinely enjoy my writing so much it makes me feel so appreciated! Anyway, here is part two! Enjoy!! Also, I promise other parts won't be this long, I got a little carried away 😅

Part 1

Word Count: 16,171 (totally should've made this two parts but... oh well)

Warnings: Modern AU, OFC, language, hurt/comfort, angst, arrest, drinking, gambling, mentions of trauma, trauma responses, panic attacks

Summary: As Ira gets settled in, there is a constant set of eyes on her from Cassian. He offers Ira a chance to make a good impression, but is bringing his train wreck of a sister to his annual charity event a good idea?

Tagging: @blessthepizzaman @cyrygher @librafairy @needylilgal022 @thelov3lybookworm @bubybubsters

~~~~~~

It has only been two days and I already want to push Cassian off a bridge. 

His rules are in-fucking-sane. He won’t let me outside before eight, and wants me to be back by ten. There is no going outside unless I clear it with him first, tell him when I get wherever I’m going, and when I get back. I mean, how ridiculous can he get? 

Apparently even more. 

“And I will need you to sign this.”

Cassian slid a piece of paper across from me. In addition to the other one he gave me of the drafted fucking mandate. “Is this some kind of a joke?” It was an NDA.

“We–meaning Rhys, Az, and myself– have a very strict confidentiality agreement. Not only with ourselves but with our investors, lawyers, and employees. Since you are going to be living with me for the foreseeable future, you need to be a part of that. We are going to discuss business operations when you are around and you are not allowed to repeat them to anyone. Under any circumstances.”

“And who exactly am I going to be repeating all of these things to?”

Cassian shrugs, “I don’t know, and I really don’t care. You’re gonna make new friends, Ira. And we aren’t exactly a small town rodeo here, so people will know who we are and will want to know shit. So, sign here, and then you are free to go.”

“I’m hardly free, I feel like I’m back in juvy,” I whispered that last part for only me to hear, flicking the pen across the paper. “Happy?”

“Sure, I’m happy,” he rolled his eyes. “Oh, and before I forget, you’re coming out with us tonight.”

My ears perked up at that. Cass got up and I scurried after him, the dining room chair scratching on the floor. “Really? When? And for what?”

“Every year we have a fundraiser for our community,” Cassian explains as I quicken my pace to keep up with him. Fuck him and his long ass legs. “All the money we make from the auction, poker tournament, and bingo night are collected and donated to the city.”

“Bingo, really?”

“We have to appease the older crowd somehow,” Cassian shrugged, heading down a long hallway in his house. It was a lot more compact than Rhys and Feyre’s home, but equally as flamboyant. It was smooshed in a line of townhouses somewhere in the city. Cassian opened a door to a guest bedroom and led me to a closet. “Here are some of Nesta’s old dresses. A couple of Feyre’s too, and some of Mor’s.”

“I don’t know if you’ve noticed or not but I am not built like they are, Cass. What the hell am I supposed to do with those?”

“Figure it out,” he gave me an unamused smile. “You’re crafty, I’m sure you can make something work.”

He left me in the closet and I looked around. It has been years since I’ve worn anything other than jeans and a t-shirt, let alone a dress. The closest thing was the skirt I had borrowed from Mor a few days ago. 

As I rummaged through, I slowly began to realize that none of these were going to fit. I was going to have to figure something out because who knew when the next time I could go out would be. And I was not going to miss this.

There were a couple of options, and when I tried them on, either the zipper in the back wouldn’t move or the sleeves wouldn’t fit over my shoulders. Sometimes the bust was too tight, but the waist was fine, or the other way around. I ripped more than a few on accident. My best bet was to find two similar colors and try and piece them together. 

I snatched two black dresses and went back to my room. I looked at the pair of scissors on my desk and at the dresses. I hoped no one would need these one day. 

My cuts were average and jagged, but I had plans to pin them together with some safety pins I found in a drawer. I cut off the skirt of one of them and made a slit to the hip. When I shimmied it on, I rolled over the hem and pinned it in place, making it as even as I could. The top would be… tricky. 

I didn’t have a choice but to cut off the sleeves and make it completely strapless. And I had to cut a V in it so my boobs would fit. Normally I loved them, but right now they were my mortal fucking enemy– besides the law of course. It was tight across my ribs, but at least I could breathe. There was some good boning in the bodice so at least I wouldn’t flash anyone.

Not that I would mind, I needed some action. To blow off some steam since being reinstated with Cassian. 

And there was little I could do to keep my thoughts away from Azriel. About blowing off some of my steam with him. And blowing him in general.

Fuck was he hot. I mean, it seemed impossible to have such an attractive group of people all in one spot, and then there was me. I wouldn’t ever say that I was ugly, but Mor and the others? Devastatingly gorgeous.

But that’s besides the point. Azriel has been around, but really never around. He’s here in the morning when I wake up, but never comes back until late at night. Which leaves me with little to no time to admire him. I can hear him come in since his room is right next to mine, but he never acknowledges me. 

Probably for the better. Or worse, I haven't decided yet.

Azriel was secluded, I could gather that much. And from what Cassian told me he was– or had been– struggling through something. But what did that have to do with me? It wasn’t like I wanted to marry the guy, I just wanted him to rail me and then I’d be good. What's so harmful about that?

But don’t even get me started on the way he acts whenever he is around me. He’s kind of a prick, always making fun of the way I’m dressed or the way I wear my hair. Always has some rude remark that makes me want to punch that perfect face of his. And kiss it. 

There is definitely something seriously wrong with me and my delusional thinking but I refuse to acknowledge it because it is the only coping mechanism I have developed that doesn’t involve me in handcuffs.

Now, if Azriel wanted to put me in handcuffs then-

“Ira?” Mor called from somewhere. “Where are you?”

“My room,” I mumbled around the roll of body tape in my mouth as I tried to lay the fabric over my bits to cover me up. “God fucking dammit.”

“Uh oh, Nesta isn’t going to be happy when she sees you mangled her engagement dress.”

“Her what?” Oh no, no no no Cassian is going to end me.

Mor burst out laughing and leaned up against the wall. “I’m just fucking with you. It was one of my old college sorority dresses. It’s no big deal, I didn’t even know I had that one still.”

“Oh, well… sorry. I wouldn’t have needed to if Cassian just took me somewhere to buy a dress,” I apologized, turning in the mirror. “What do you think?” “Cassian is going to hate it,” she smirked, looking over my shoulder. 

“Perfect,” a grin of my own spreading. “Please tell me there is going to be alcohol at this event?”

“There always is, but whether or not you can have any isn’t up to me,” Mor put up her palms and sat down on the vanity stool. “I think it’s a bit ridiculous, what Cass is doing.” “Thank you,” I sighed out, taping the last bit into place and stretching to make sure it wouldn’t come loose. “Not that we know each other super well, but there are reasons why he should do it. Part of me knows he’s just doing it to keep me safe, but I also know its payback from years ago.” “Can I ask about you and him or is that just not something you're willing to share?” She asked, unlike Rhys or Azriel did. That in and of itself meant more to me than anything in the world. 

Mor was nice, nicer than anyone I had ever come across. It’s who I spent a good chunk of my time with when she was here and not working at Midnight’s Shadow, Azriel’s club. We had built up a little bit of a relationship in the two days since she was the only one who bothered to ask for my number. 

“It’s really fucking complicated. I was about 14 when he left? I think? I don’t know, it doesn’t matter. But I heard him in his room and then he was…” I shook my head, that sting in my throat coming back like it did every time I talked about it. “It wouldn’t have bothered me so much if he had just fucking told me.”

“He didn’t even give you a heads up?” I shook my head. “What the fuck?”

I just shrugged. “It’s fine. I’m over it.” Definitely not over it. “And I don’t want anything I tell you about him to change your perception. I’m sure he’s a much different person now.” “That’s exactly it, though. He is such a family person, so to speak, that it kind of shocks me. He loves getting us together and doing card nights with movies. To hear he acted like that? For fucks sake Ira I didn’t even know you existed… It’s hard to think anything but differently about him.”

I bit back the tears. Card nights and movies? That's what we used to do together. She didn’t need to see me cry, and I didn’t want her to either. “It’s not his fault. I don’t blame him for not mentioning me. There isn’t much to talk about.”

“Why would you say that?” Mor said politely, “share what you want, I don’t want to overstep.”

I fiddled with my fingers. Playing with the devil's on my shoulders. Should I just bite the bullet and get it over with? I just sighed. “When he left I had a lot of issues. A really hard time coping with it all. I made some pretty awful decisions and ended up in a correctional facility. Not really juvy, but not really not juvy if that makes sense? I don’t know if he even knows about it at all. Nothing good happened after he left and… I don’t really know. I do, but-”

“Ira,” Mor said in a very soft tone. Like she was trying to keep from scaring a wounded kitten. “You share when you’re ready. And I will listen.”

I couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think clearly as tears clouded my eyes. Mor stood up and came to a halt in front of me. “You’re gonna get through this, Ira. It’s gonna fucking suck, and I don’t think you’re gonna find someone who understands that more than I do. When I was-”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Shh,” she hissed, and I sealed my lips, a smile spreading across the pressed line. “I am a one-for-one person. You give, I give. You take and I take. I know there aren’t many people in this world you trust, so let me make it a little easier for you.”

I just nodded. 

“When I was younger, I also made some mistakes. Got involved with the wrong group of people and ended up paying the price. It took me years to get over and I wasn’t sure that it was ever going to get better. Or that I’d ever be able to trust people blindly again. Then I met Rhys and he lent a helping hand. And, believe it or not, your brother made a huge difference in my life.”

“You’ve gotta be joking,” I snickered. “Nope,” she shook her head. “When he’s not entangled in work he can actually be a really fucking good time.”

“That somehow doesn’t surprise me at all.”

“What I’m trying to get at is everyone here has had some shit to deal with in their life.” She took my hands in hers. “Rhys was on the verge of bankruptcy, Feyre had to drop out of art school to take care of Nyx… we’re basically a refuge for misfits. You’re gonna fit right in. Now, enough with the heart-to-heart, you and I are going to go get our nails done.”

“We are?” I couldn’t help but let a tear slip through, and I sniffled. “I have to ask Cassian.” “He is so overbearing I swear,” Mor looked to the sky and cursed. “You get out of this and I’ll go talk to him.”

“Okay,” I squeezed her hands before she left. I know I told myself to not get attached to her, but fuck was she making it hard. As much as I want to fall into her arms for telling me everything was gonna be alright, that wasn’t realistic. And she wasn’t my fucking mother, and I wasn’t five. She didn’t need to shoulder my burdens. It wasn’t her job. 

She’s just being nice. She’s just being nice. 

I ripped the top off my chest– quite literally– and laid it out on the bed to wear for later. After I had gotten changed, I met Mor downstairs where she was talking with Cassian. I tried to slip past them to the kitchen but-

“Ira,” Cassian shouted. Dammit. “Come here.”

“Yes, Colonel Sanders?”

“Stop calling me Colonel Sanders,” he rolled his eyes. Mor snickered and Cassian glared. “Why didn’t I know beforehand that you wanted to go out?”

“It wasn’t her idea, Cass,” Mor countered. “I told you that.” “Seriously, I had no idea until she just came up,” I tried to express it as genuinely as I could. Unfortunately, another skill I had developed was seeming extremely genuine when I couldn’t give two shits. 

“You’re gonna go with her?”

“Yes, dumbass. I am the one taking her,” Mor smacked the back of his head. “We’ll be back in two hours.”

“Fine,” Cassian pinched his nose.

“On second thought, maybe three. She needs some shoes to match that… new dress.”

“Do I even want to know?” “Nope,” Mor and I said at the same time, and we bounced out of there as fast as we could before Cassian could change his mind. She walked to a shiny, obviously just washed Mercedes SL Roadster. Navy blue with light gray interiors. Convertible. H.O.T.

“Okay, this car is sick.” I was basically foaming at the mouth. “What's the top speed you’ve reached in this thing?”

“The speed limit,” she winked, but mouthed a hundred and twelve. “We have an appointment to catch, but on the way back I’ll drive the back roads and give you a taste of the wind.”

I climbed in and sank into the seat. This car was comfier than my bed. Not that that was surprising, I was basically sleeping on a cardboard box. When I asked for Cassian's room, I should’ve specified that I wanted his room at his house. Not the one he occasionally slept in. But I guess he and Nesta needed the space. 

Boy were they bad at being subtle in the middle of the night. 

I need to make a list of things to get and double underline earplugs.

Mor must’ve been a local celebrity with the way the salon employees greeted her and offered her a seat right away. 

“Who have you brought with you?” 

“This is Ira, my good friend's sister. She’s staying with us for a while and we have the charity event at the casino tonight so I thought we should make a whole day out of it,” Mor smiled, scanning the wall of nail polish.

“Oh how fun. I’m Claire, Mor’s nail tech,” the lady introduced. “Please, take a seat and let's see what we can do for you this time around.”

On the way over I had looked up some nail inspo on Pinterest. Mor told me, word for word, to ‘get whatever the fuck I wanted’ because it was her treat and she’s always wanted a little sister to spoil and pamper. I wasn’t sure how that made me feel, but I think I liked it. 

I pulled up the picture on my phone: medium length but very pointy. The accent nail was matte black, the others a shiny, deep maroon that faded into black at the tips. Those also got a sparkly topcoat and some crystals on the accent nail. I had a vision to do a dark smokey-winged eyeliner look with some ombre lips to match the nails. 

Very classy but a little bit of ‘fuck with me and you’ll regret it’ vibe. 

I watched intently as the technician, Melinda, carefully crafts the nails. How these people did this I’ll never know. The powder seemed like a fucking struggle. She started telling me something about the liquid-to-powder-ratio and my brain left the conversation. Very underrated artists for sure. 

“So, what do you want to do with your hair?” Mor asked, bending her fingers to look at the pretty coral color on her nails. They were super shiny, almost a chrome finish. 

“I saw this picture of a shaggy kind of french twist? I think I could figure it out,” I shrugged, looking at my nails before sticking them under the curing lamp. “What about you?”

“I’m just gonna curl it,” she leaned her head back and closed her eyes. “Oh, don’t forget to remind me about the shoes.” “No, it’s fine. I have some different options. This is more than enough.” I had seen the prices of the manicure package. It included a full manicure plus a full set of nails. And it was not cheap. 

“Ira-”

“Please, Mor,” I let out a nervous laugh. I cut it off almost immediately. I cannot start doing the Dana thing. “I don’t need the shoes. This is perfect.”

She just nodded, letting it go. 

Thank. God. I did not have time to get into the whole underprivileged child thing. Where it made me feel sick to my stomach to not only ask for something, but to have people offer it knowing full well that I did want it, but would deny every offer. It made me feel guilty because I should be grateful for what I do have. I didn’t need it, but I still wanted it. A feeling somewhere between pity and desperation. 

I didn’t want people to feel bad for me, but I just wanted someone to care. To understand even a little bit.

Trauma was such a weird, twisted thing. 

“Do you want to add the sparkly top coat or just the shiny one?” Melinda asked, twisting the two bottles in her hands.

I thought. Looked at the nails, then at the polishes. “Fuck it, let’s do the sparkly one.”

She chuckled, tapping the bottle against her palm. “It’s what I would’ve gone with too.”

“Those are literally so gorgeous,” Mor leaned over. Hers were done and she was sucking on a lollipop. “You’ve got an eye for this kind of thing, don’t you?” “Always a dreamer, never the dream,” I batted my lashes playfully, sighing as if I were in a daze. “I think I’ve always liked this kind of stuff, I’ve just never had access to it until now.”

Mor patted the top of my head before saying she was going to pay up front.

“So, Mor said that she’s good friends with your brother?”

“Mhm,” I nodded, palms instantly going a little clammy. “Yeah we recently reconnected after about six years.”

“Oh, how wonderful!”

That’s one way to put it. “Yeah, I missed him. Probably more than I ever let myself think before. I spent a lot of time being angry at him.”

“Well, my dear, it is never too late. The two of you may have been going your separate ways, but it’s never too late to turn around. It’s only too late if one of you is left standing and the other isn’t.”’

Okay, did Mor accidentally make some last minute edition to the manicure package that included an overly inspirational surprise? I was not expecting that. But now that I was thinking about it… it was like Cassian and I were standing on two opposite ends of a bridge. The constant rumble for the past lurking in the darkness below. Always there. I could see him, barely, but that everlasting presence was there; a cloud of fear and worry that we wouldn’t ever get past or differences blocked my path to him. 

Why couldn’t I just forgive people? Why did I have to hold grudges and make things complicated? I was wired so differently than most people. Like here I was, with Mor at this incredible nail salon and all I could think about was how much money she was spending on me. Why couldn’t I just be excited for my first real set of nails? Or thankful that Mor never made any type of facial expression over how expensive all of this was? 

Dana and Arthur always made the same face when something was expensive, and I could pick up on it after only seeing it twice. Then I subconsciously– totally consciously– made the effort to pick less expensive options.

It’s in the same category of responses when I hear them coming down the hall and I have the overwhelming feeling of needing to look busy because I simply just don’t know how to relax. 

Staking on constant alert was so fucking exhausting.

By the time I snapped back into reality my nails were done and she was wiping down her station. “Thank you, Melinda. They’re beautiful,” I smiled sweetly, taking the few dollars I had shoved haphazardly into my pocket and giving them to her. “I know it’s not much but-”

“Nonsense. The gesture is much appreciated but please keep it, dear. You are welcome back here whenever you’d like. You too, Morrigan!”

“Next time I will bring some of Elain’s cookies for you!” Mor called from behind the counter. “I’ll see you soon, Claire!”

“Bye girls!”

I could not stop looking at my nails. Could not stop pressing them against my palms or trying to do things without messing them up. 

“You’ll get used to it,” Mor laughed when I tried to re-tie my hair up in a ponytail. 

“I’m more worried that I’m gonna stab myself. Or that I’m- fuck. I have contacts in. How the hell am I gonna get my contacts out?” I pressed the pad of my finger against the underside of my lashes and pried my eyelid up. “This is gonna end with me in the ER.”

_____

All thoughts of doing my hair went out the window. I severely overestimated how well I’d be able to function with these daggers attached to the tips of my fingers. By the time we got back it was already three o’clock. Cassian told me to be ready by four-thirty. Lovely. 

I rushed a brush through my hair and took some of my moose and tried to get the mop of curls to curl. Whoever gave me this hair deserves the death penalty. Whether it came from my mom or dad, I didn’t know, but we were gonna have a problem if we ever met in person.  

I eventually found a way to pin it up to where it kind of looked nice. It was as good as it was going to get. I only had forty minutes to get my makeup done and into the dress. 

The tape stuck– hallelujah– and I shifted the skirt around until my leg was exposed in the slit. Again, it was as good as it was going to get. I probably would’ve been better off with the skirt and just putting on a bralette or something on top. 

Oh well, it’s already on and I don’t have time to fuck around. 

For once my makeup went on smoothly and looked sleek and clean. And the lips to match the nails? Nail on the fucking head with that move. 

I did actually have shoes to wear and they were some nice platforms. One of the nicest things I owned. Totally didn’t steal them from a girl in high school when I crashed junior prom. To be fair she deserved it. She’s the bitch that ratted me out, it was quite literally the least I could do to fuck with her. 

Again, petty crimes. 

Very fucking petty.

“Ira, it’s time to go!” Cassian’s obnoxious voice boomed up the stairs. 

“Jesus okay,” I shouted back, collecting my jewelry and deciding I could put it on in the car. I came clunking down the stairs and everyone was already at the door. Another thing that made me feel like I’m suffocating? Running late. And I was always running late.

All eyes were on me. Cassian looked like he wanted to suffocate and die, Nesta looking pretty indifferent. Azriel was on his phone.

“You’ve gotta be- you know what, this is my night. Just get in the car. I’m only going to say this once but Ira… please just be on your best behavior.” Cassian dragged a hand down his face, shaking his head as he looked at me. 

It wasn't my intention to be a problem tonight, I didn’t want my fleeting moments of freedom to be revoked. So I complied.

Cassian looked pretty good, all things considered. He was in a tux with a bowtie, Nesta in a very elegant yet stylish slip dress. Mint green to match Cassian’s bowtie. Azriel was… Don’t look at Azriel. Do. Not. Look.

“Fine. But what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” 

“It’s a charity event, not a strip tease,” Cassian said in pure disgust. 

“Well if you had just let me out of the house to go dress shopping then I wouldn’t have had to look like this. But, need I remind you that this is my fucking body and I can do whatever the hell I want with it. Why do you care how I’m dressed?”

“Down, girl,” Azriel mumbled from behind me. I whirled around so fast and he was right fucking there already. 

Did he just say ‘down girl’ like I was some fucking dog?

“Who the fuck do you think you’re talking to?” I may have been at least five inches shorter than he was, even in heels, but that was not going to stop me. 

“Well I certainly wouldn’t talk to Nesta that way, she’d make me sleep outside,” He ran a hand over his cleanly shaven jaw. “And last time I checked Cassian wasn’t a girl so… I guess that leaves you.”

“Keep my name out of your fucking mouth or you’ll regret it.”

“Okay, cool it you guys,” Cassian grabbed onto my arm, but I yanked it away immediately. 

“Yeah, cool it, Ira,” Azril mocked, somewhere between a laugh and a snort.

Fury blinded me and I turned around to face Cassian. “So you’re just gonna let him talk to me like that?”

Cassian just blinked at me. “You're more than capable of defending yourself, Ira. And I don’t want to get in the middle of this. Not today.”

“I think what he’s saying is that he’s not at your beck and call. More of the other way around,” Azriel said in a very condescending voice. 

“Do you really want to keep pushing my buttons? Because I don’t think you do,” I took another step towards him, eyes narrow and nostrils flared. I was not about to let this self-centered son of a bitch walk all over me. 

No matter how pretty he was. I had some morals. Not a lot, but some. 

“And do what, hmm? Who are you gonna tattle on me to?” Another step closer.

“I think my knee between your legs would certainly leave more than a lasting impression on what I am capable of doing.” I matched his step stride for stride. 

Azriel grinned. "You have no self control, you can't help but pick a fight, can you? It's like it's all you know how to do."

“Alright enough,” Cassian stepped between us, pressing his hand against Azriel’s chest. “Az?”

“Yes?” His eyes never left mine. 

“Back the fuck off. Don’t ever think it’s okay to talk to my sister like that again.” Woah. Not expecting that. I’ve never seen him leer at someone like he did at Azriel. Then that gaze turned on me. “And you, what was the one thing I asked?”

I could’ve sent him through the fucking gravel. “He started it.”

“You’re bickering like third graders,” Nesta shouted over her shoulder. “Please spare the rest of the fucking neighborhood and get in the fucking car or we’re going to be late.”

“Leave each other alone. There, happy?” Cassian cocked his head and narrowed his eyes. All I could do was bite my tongue and shake my head in disbelief. 

“Prick,” I held back the urge to spit at Azriel's feet. I went for the car Nesta got in, telling myself to pick and choose my battles.

“Aww, you don’t want to ride with me, princess?” He called out, and I flipped him off.

“Do not provoke her,” I heard Cassian say. “Don’t make this harder than it’s already going to be.”

What the fuck did that mean? I didn’t intentionally want to make this a rough night for him. But now? I was thinking very differently as to how this night would go. 

“Ira,” Nesta turned around in the front seat while I buckled myself in. “Whatever you’re thinking, don’t.”

I just folded my arms across my chest. “Easy for you to say. I mean, how do you even stand the guy? He is such a fucking-”

“Douchebag? Oh, I’m well aware,” she chuckled. “But this is his event. His project that he spends months planning and sending out invitations for. I won’t pretend like I know what the fuck happened between the two of you, and I’m not going to ask because it’s your business and I really don’t care. But for my sake, don’t do anything stupid.”

Harsh, but I got the message. I stayed quiet as we pulled out and onto the road. The air was thick with tension and I just wanted to get out of the fucking car with both of them. Even if that meant being attached to him all night.

Despite the treacherous waters, excitement and butterflies fluttered my stomach as we hit the highway and I could see some city lights in the distance. 

“Okay, a few rules,” Cassian eventually said after turning down the volume on the radio. 

“Great, another leash,” I sighed. 

Cassian and I met eyes in the mirror. He was really not having it. I bit my tongue. 

“I’m gonna give you a chance, Ira. I don’t want to force you to my hip all night simply because I just don’t. You can be in whatever room I’m in, but wherever I go next, you have to be there. And I don’t care if you’re drinking some, but please don’t get wasted. Keep a low profile.” “Done,” I smiled, nodding along. 

“I cannot believe I’m going to say this but… try to have fun? Meet some people and whatnot. Just behave. That is all I am asking.” Heavy emphasis on all. 

“I will,” I nodded. I’d try anyway. But if there was going to be tequila, then well… that’s a different story. 

___

We arrive and valet the car. Velaris Nights Hotel and Casino shined bright in my eyes. I looked around and Midnight’s Shadow was right across the street. Hopefully that Azzhole would stay there. I giggled, Azzhole. I’m so funny. 

I walked up behind Cassian and Nesta. Apparently I wasn’t close enough with them for the security guard to think I was at their party.

“Ma’m, the event doesn't start for another hour,” he put his hand out to stop me. 

“Oh, no I’m with-”

“She’s with me, Derrick. This is my sister Ira,” Cassian introduced and the guard gulped.

“Apologies, sir. A pleasure, Ira. If there is anything you need, come and find me. Sorry for the confusion.”

Okay, now that was cool as fuck. I guess that’s the kind of reaction you get when your brother operates the whole fucking thing. That kind of connection could be fun. 

On the way over he told me that he, along with another one of his friends, was the pit boss. The other one– Amy or Amanda or something– was already here. Apparently they were some pretty A-list celebs around here. The party was scheduled for six and they needed to be here before the chaos started.

“Not cool enough to get in here, princess?” 

My stomach rolled at the sound of his voice. “Piss off, Azzhole.”

“Azzhole, really?” His brows furrowed and a smirk spread over his full lips. “Be original, sweetheart.”

“Wanna see how original I can be?” I fell into step beside him. “How about you’re a predictable, conceited, arrogant-”

“You forgot cocky,” he butted in. “And handsome. I’m very handsome.”

“Egotistical,” I listed off. “Like I said, you’re predictable. And I wouldn’t flatter yourself, sweetheart.”

“I’d hardly call it flattering, more of a confidence booster. Three days in town and you think you have me all figured out? Care to bestow some more wisdom on me, your majesty?”

“Please, the last thing I want to do is have to hear the agitating sound of your voice for the rest of the night. Piss off, will you?” I scoffed, adjusting the choker on my neck. 

“Don’t worry, princess,” Azriel bent down to talk in my ear. “I think we got off on the wrong foot. You’ll find out that I can be a lot of fun. If you ever let your guard down, we might even be able to have a good time.”

“Yeah because my brother would be so thrilled about us spending time together.”

Azriel shrugged. “What he doesn’t know won’t kill him.”

Now, I know I heard that incorrectly. But before I could open my mouth to respond, he plucked a champagne flute off a tray and raised it in the air before downing it in one go. 

I finally allowed myself to look at him when he walked away. He was dressed in all black; black button up, black slacks, black dress shoes and a black belt. And a silver watch on his left wrist. In another world I might’ve thought that we looked like we could go together, but that was galaxies away. God his back and shoulders…

His ass. He was dangerous. Probably in more ways then one, and fuck did I want to find out all of them.

As I made my way over to Cassian, Mor ambushed me and had a bright smile on her face. 

“Hey you,” she greeted. “Don’t you look good.”

“Thanks. I love that dress. The corset top is perfect.” It was coral colored to match her nails. The structured bodice had sheer paneling and a floor length skirt. Her blond hair was in curls and she had on some wicked eyeliner. 

“It was a pain in the ass to get into. Where’s Cassian? I need to ask him if he wants me on the floor or up with Amren keeping an eye on things.”

Amren, that’s her name. The other pit boss apparently. “He’s over there talking with someone.”

Mor nodded, grabbing some champagne for me and her. “Loosen up, babe. You’re stiffer than an iron pole.”

“I’m not stiff.” I was so fucking stiff. This place was a playground for adults, and I had just turned twenty-one. My mind was running rampant with thoughts. 

“Okay, you’re not stiff. And I’m ShaquilleO’Neal,” Mor teased, linking her elbow with mine. 

We made our way over to Cassian and Rhys who were talking with this ginger guy. He had long, fiery red hair and a scar running the length of his face through his eye. He was also quite stunning. I don’t know what’s in the water here but I think I need some. 

“Ah, this is her. Lucien, this is Cassian’s sister Ira,” Rhys extended his hand to me, gesturing like I was some higher up.

“A pleasure,” Lucien inclined his head. “I am one of the business investors for the hotel.”

“Ahh,” I said. What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? I don’t know how to talk to these people. So I just stayed quiet. Cassian’s words rattling in the back of my head: keep a low profile. 

“I’m not sure that I knew you had a sister,” Lucien looked me head to toe. “I can see it, though. Same eyes, same nose.”

Here we go again. 

“I’ve been getting that non-stop since I showed up here,” I scoffed. “I mean could we really look that similar?”

“Well, we are related,” Cassian laid his arm across my shoulders. “You’ve grown into it, Ira. Dana had always thought that we’d look more alike as we got older.”

“It, by no means, is meant as a shot at your beauty, Ira,” Lucien’s lip curled up. “You look lovely tonight.”

He reached for my hand and gave the back of it a kiss. If my eyes weren’t nearly falling out of my skull, I might’ve accidentally done the same to him. Thank god I did not kiss the back of his fucking hand. His massive hand, might I add. 

Lucien most definitely wasn’t my type. He had his life together and looked like a good person. I was far too erratic and damaged to be of any good to him. But if he was suggesting something…

“Oh, uhh thanks.” Oh, uhh thanks? Did you just get fucking electrocuted, Ira? “I like your suit, it compliments your hair very nicely.”

That wasn’t a lie. He had on a hunter green blazer and a black vest with a black tie. There was one braid running along the side of his scalp, down the side of his face and behind his ear. The rest of it flopped over the opposite side of his head. 

“I think I’m gonna like you, Ira,” Lucien smiled, pointing at me. “See, she likes my suit. Why’d you give me hell for it?”

“Because you look like a stick of celery,” Cassian was very obviously in a mood. 

“I do not,” Lucien rolled his eyes. “It’s too dark of a green to be celery.”

“Potato potato,” Mor shook her head.

“Don’t be rude,” I said to Cassian. “If he’s confident wearing it, who are you to squash that for him?”

All eyes looked at me and our little circle went quiet. Welp… fuck.

“Can I get you a drink?” Lucien asked me, clearing his throat.

“Yes.” “No,” Cassian and I said together. I glared at him so hard I thought he’d burst into flames. “I’ll find you later, Lucien.”

Cock blocker. 

I gave a sorrowful look at Lucien when he walked away. Cassian was still focused on me, but the second he got pulled into another conversation I winked at Lucien. He smiled back. 

I looked around at the main lobby. There was a full chandelier sparkling above me, and some stone pillars going from the floor up into the ceiling. The black marble floor reflected all the lights, much the same with the counter top of the bar. 

Who knew a bunch of boys could design something so intricate and delicate. They probably had to consult Mor. Or Feyre, more likely. I liked the touch of silver here and there within some of the statues and decorations. The balloon arch was a little cheesy though. 

I ditched Cassian and took a lap around the room, just surveying the crowd. I could feel his eyes on me every turn I took. Whatever. I guess this would be my one shot at proving that I could behave and control my impulsions. Anything to prove his ass wrong. 

The champagne was weirdly sweet and smelled like roses. But it was alcohol and I was fine with that. There was a series of tables lined up at the side, but no food or anything on them yet. I guess they’d bring it out closer to the guests arriving? I had so many questions that I wanted answers to. Mainly what the actual fuck is Cassian doing running a fucking casino? 

By the time I made it back around the room, I snagged another flute off the tray of a passing by waiter and stuck the empty one in its place. This one tasted much better. Across the room my eyes landed on Azriel. He was talking with a group of people who looked mildly afraid of him. 

He stuck out like a sore thumb. Everything about him screamed unapproachable. All hard lines and defined muscles. There was nothing soft about him, and I was also very very fine with that.

Everyone else was wearing full tuxedos or gowns. But he was just in a button down shirt and slacks. Which fit cruelly tight on him. Showing off a toned physique. And his amazing backside. 

My finger tapped against the glass with all the thoughts I was having of him. About his hands on me and his mouth on mine. Do I have any idea as to why I’m so ready to drop to my knees for this guy, absolutely not. He would have one hell of a blow job though. It wouldn’t ever happen, mostly because I think Cassian has already snuck a camera in my room to make sure it didn’t. 

Voyeur. 

Mor apprached Azriel, coral gown catching the attention of several other people. She stuck herself right at his side, his arm falling across her back. 

Oh, fuck.

I watched more intently than I ever had. Were they a thing and I didn’t know it? It would make a lot of fucking sense. I mean, look at them. He’s hot, she’s hot and I don’t even swing that way. I’d be an idiot to not notice and appreciate Mor’s beauty. 

They looked like exact opposites, yet somehow they seemed to fit seamlessly together. Her shoulder lined up with his, her hip to his. 

My heart fucking ached. For no other reason than I was jealous he was touching her and not me. It made absolutely no sense considering I wanted to burn him from the inside out. He was an ass. But if they were a thing… I can’t fuck that up. I mean, I could if I wanted to, but Mor had been nothing but nice to me. 

For the second time in two days I found myself acknowledging that she was a good person. A great one. That she did not need to be involved with me and my bullshit. Azriel may have been a gigantic bitch, but I didn’t want to cut ties with Mor just because I had irrational feelings for him. That would not be fair for her. Or myself.

Am I actually talking myself out of a bad idea? Wow that’s… new. Normally I acted instantly on every idea I had. Good or bad. Since when did I debate with myself?

I washed down the feelings with the rest of the champagne and headed to the bar, perching myself on a stool while I waited for someone to show up.

Not longer than five minutes passed when I felt a presence behind me. It was Lucien. 

“Hey,” I smiled, a genuine one. 

“I waited until the coast was clear,” he grinned, sliding into the spot next to me. 

“Cassian is just a pussy,” I rolled my eyes, finding him easily across the room. He was a head and a half taller than anyone. Lucien snorted, covering his mouth with his fist. “It’s true.”

“I don’t disagree, but he is my main business partner and I do not want to get off that list because there are dozens waiting in line to have the business that I do.”

“You said you’re an investor? What exactly does that mean?” I hoped he wasn’t about to man-splane things to me. I wasn’t a genius by any means, but I didn’t want to be talked to like a child. 

“If they need money for construction, or for a new stock, that’s where I come in,” Lucien explained. “They first came to me with the outline of the business and I knew it was going to take off right away. There isn’t a whole lot in this city besides rich people and their fat pockets. What better way to bring a city to life than to build something that can bring people in.”

“So you are basically their personal bank?”

“No,” he chuckled. “Not exactly. Yes, I have the money, but it is more so my advice they come looking for the most. Sure I could write checks all day, but you can’t buy good, quality financial and business advice.” “Have you ever heard of Zoltar?” I laughed, noticing the way his eyes crinkled when he smiled. 

“If you’re referring to the genie in a plexiglass box that takes coins in exchange for fixed fortunes, then yes I have. But I don’t think he’s going to be putting me or your brother out of business any time soon.”

I nodded along, pleasantly surprised by his professionalism. He surely knew what he was talking about. Not like I could confirm if it was accurate, he could be talking straight out of his ass for all I knew. 

But he didn’t make me feel like an idiot, which I was thankful for. 

“What can I get for you tonight?” A bartender asked. 

“Honestly, I don’t really know. Something that looks fancy but is gonna make me feel it in the morning,” I sighed, and judging by his eager nod he knew exactly what I needed. 

“And for you?”

“An Old Fashioned will do, extra bitters please,” Lucien gave a polite smile; it didn’t crinkle his eyes in the way I had seen when I made him smile. Reading too much into this? Definitely. “I don’t want to seem insensitive or anything, but how old are you? I won’t tell anyone if you’re underage but I don’t want to-”

“I’m twenty-one. Just had my birthday a week ago,” I explained. “I know I look… young.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” Lucines ginger brows furrowed. 

I just shrugged, “It is when you constantly get treated like a baby.”

“Fair point.” Lucien swirled his thumbs around one another for a few moments, watching the bartender make our drinks. “Did you do anything fun for your birthday?”

“Probably not anything you’d consider fun.” I was certain that telling Cassian’s investor that I spent my birthday at a restaurant, pretending to be a waitress to make quick cash, was not a good idea. “It was not the twenty-first birthday I dreamed of as a kid.”

“Bummer,” Lucien frowned a little, taking a sip of his drink when he had it passed to him. “When I turned twenty-one, my brothers thought it would be a hilarious idea to call beforehand and ask the bartender to freak out on me when I walked in. He acted like he had seen me before, which he hadn’t, and was adamant that I had been in here with a fake ID. Safe to say that I nearly shit my pants.”

I laughed, squashing the immediate guilt of using a fake ID on numerous occasions. I still have a few, but there’s no point in keeping them anymore. I can get in anywhere now. Totally legally! 

I said thank you to the bartender before giving my drink a taste. It was good, but I could definitely taste the headache tomorrow. Was I a stranger to drinking? Absolutely not, so hopefully this would give me some sort of buzz.

“How many brothers do you have?” My vain attempt at not asking about the scar.

“Five,” Lucien’s eyes got a little big. “All older.”

“Jesus, and I thought one was chaos. Your poor mother,” I took another sip and felt my stomach ignite with the familiar burn. “Speaking of the fucking devil…”

“Ira,” Cassian spoke in a harsh tone. His eyes narrowed on Lucien. “Come on, we’re heading over to the greeting line.”

“Okay, have fun.” This wasn’t my party, I didn’t need to stand and greet people. 

“Ira,” he bared his teeth. “Lets. Go.”

“You are such a cock block, you know that?”

Lucien’s cheeks were the same shade as his hair. “Oh, Cassian I wasn’t-”

“I know you wouldn’t be that stupid,” Cassian grabbed my elbow. “This one? Now she’s a different story.”

“You think I’d fuck your business investor? Do you really think that poorly of me? No offense,” I threw over my shoulder with a wince. 

He raised his hand with an understanding smile, “None taken.” 

A gentleman. I think I’ll add Lucien to my internal list of people to be grateful for. And that was a very very short list. He was a great guy, just not for me. 

“I wouldn’t put it entirely past you.” Fucking rude. “I’ll see you later on, Lucien. Let’s go, Ira.”

“Shackled yet again,” I sighed out, not bothering to hide my clear annoyance as I picked up my drink. A Mojito I think? “Thanks for the convo, Lucien.”

“Anytime, Ira.” He tipped his glass to me, and I did the same. 

I followed behind Cassian’s massive shoulders and scowled the whole way. Why did he always have to do that? Wasn’t he the one to try to make friends in the first place?

“Can I just say that you haven’t known me for the past six years and you have no right to make judgements on my character,” I hissed, finally catching up to him. “That was a total dick move. We were just talking to each other. You’re the one who told me to have fun here.”

“And what was one of the rules I had? Wherever I go, you follow.”

What. A. Fucking. Loser.

We rounded a corner and there was a grand staircase just outside the set of glass doors. It was lined with red carpeting and velvet ropes. To my surprise, there were some photographers waiting on either side of the stairs. 

“Now, stand here and smile.”

“That’s it?”

“For my sake, yes, that’s it. Don’t talk to anyone, just be quiet,” Cassian squared his shoulders as he stood next to Rhys and Feyre. Nesta was on his left, me on his right. 

“Eye eye, captain buzz-kill.”

He rolled his eyes. 

“You certainly do like getting under his skin,” Azriel’s voice chilled my spine. 

“It's another one of my favorite hobbies,” I responded, smiling as a woman and her older husband walked by, shaking Rhys, Cassian, and Azriel’s hands. 

“Along with the pick pocketing and hot-wiring?”

Just to prove how fucking capable I was, I carefully reached down, effortlessly removing his watch from his left wrist without a single hair being disturbed. I held it up in front of his face, dangling it like a carrot. His eyes widened and he looked from his empty wrist to the watch in my hand. 

“A rolex? A little… basic. Certainly this one could sell for a few hundred thousand, don’t you think?”

“Give that back,” he lowered his voice, and I smirked. 

“Finders keepers.” I took an obnoxious sip of my drink.

“Now.” He was so easily ruffled. I had found a weakness of his; he did not like it when I touched his stuff. 

I placed the hunk of metal into his open palm and he put it on with a clenched jaw. “Insult my skills again and I’ll make sure the cash is deposited into my bank account before you even realize the watch is missing.”

“You’re quick, I’ll admit that,” he still whispered. “But we both know that you hide behind a mask to cover up the fact that you lack any level of human decency.”

Now that fucking stung. “Who the hell are you to tell me about human decency? And what the hell happened to the whole ‘we got off on the wrong foot’ shit? Your words, not mine.”

I need to stop believing that people will keep their word. I thought Cassian was genuine when he told me to have fun and make friends. Wrong. And not that I really expected Azriel to stay true to his in the first place, but he had no business making assumptions about me. Even if they were right. 

The muscles in his jaw clenched as well as his fists. It was immediately wiped away as another guest approached. But when he was gone, his mouth was open again. 

“Fine, you got me there. Let's be civil and have a normal conversation. Are you having a good time?”

“Do you honestly think I am?”

“I honestly don’t care,” he scoffed. So much for the effort to be civil. His eyes locked with mine when I stuck my tongue out at him. “You seriously need a lesson in etiquette.”

“And you seriously need a lesson in how to not be a douchebag,” I quipped, catching the attention of the couple that walked in front of us. I mouthed a ‘sorry’. 

Azriel’s shoulders shook with a suppressed laugh. “You really don’t know how to be subtle, do you?” “It’s not exactly in my play book,” I responded, plastering a fake smile on my lips. “And for the record, I know how to have some class.”

“You sure? Because you look more like you belong across the street.” He was referring to Midnight’s Shadow. And he was not subtle about the way he looked at my outfit. As much as I didn’t want to shiver at the gaze, I couldn’t help it. It made me feel guilty, especially when I saw Mor quickly stepping into line next to Azriel on the other side. 

They exchanged a quick smile and my heart froze. Why the hell was he looking at me like that and not her?

“And I do. I’m far better at drinking and dancing than I am at pretending to be interested in this fucking sleep fest.”

Azriel grumbled another laugh, his voice deep. “The festivities are actually entertaining. All the old ladies flock to the bingo room the second it’s open. And the poker tournament is always fun to watch.”

A light bulb went off in my brain. “Do you have to already be registered to play?” My devious little mind was thinking about getting in on the action. 

“No, why?” He asked. 

“Because I might want to join them,” I shrugged. “What else is there to do?”

“You can play poker? I’ve barely seen you able to control your hair let alone your facial expressions,” Azriel teased, gesturing to the mess at the back of my head. 

“I have an amazing bluff. See? My poker face is already on, I’m standing here pretending to be nice to you when I really want to kick you to the fucking ground.”

Maybe a touch too hard. But his lips curled into a smile and I didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked to my mouth. “Such a wicked, testy thing.”

“Got a problem with that?” I tipped my glass back, finishing the crafted drink before wiping the corners of my lips, waiting for a response. Again, his eyes went to my mouth. 

“Absolutely not.”

I just rolled my eyes. “You fucking wish, buddy.”

“There are plenty of things I’d wish for before you in my bed, sweetheart,” Azriel challenged, rocking slightly on his heels. “World peace, a lamborghini-”

“A lamborghini?”

“Earplugs,” He rattled off next. “Seriously, do you ever stop talking?”

“Only when I’m certain I’ve made my point.” 

“Cassian, your sister won’t shut up,” Azriel whined like a toddler. 

“Seriously, you’re tattling to my brother? What are you, three years old? Get a fucking life, dude.” “I’m not three, I’m just annoyed.” “Both of you, stop it. Now.” Cassian was pissed. His cheeks were a little red and his eyes were practically bulging out of their sockets. “If you don’t start behaving I’ll drag you out of here myself.”

“Yes mother.” My jaw was damn near on the floor. I wasn’t five anymore. I didn’t need to be scolded by Cassian. And especially not by Azriel who was quietly chuckling to himself. “What the fuck is your problem with me?” “I don’t have a problem with you,” Azriel shook his head. “Despite my better judgment you’re actually kind of funny. But Jesus, you need to learn how to respect people. Do you know how hard he works to put this on every year?”

I didn’t, and I didn’t care. “Why does it matter?”

“It takes months and months to coordinate. Between investors, vendors, caterers, guests… It takes a small army. And to then suddenly throw you back into the mix? Did you ever stop and think about how he might be handling all this?”

No. I hadn’t. Not for a second. I didn’t respond. I am an awful fucking person. 

“Exactly. This hasn’t been the easiest transition for any of us. So do us all a favor and cut him some slack,” Azriel’s tone was a little sharp, but he wasn’t being unreasonable. 

And he was right. I hadn’t thought about how any of them would adjust to me being here. Out of the blue. Just in their lives and in their business after years of not knowing that I even roamed this earth. 

“It’s not fair,” I mumbled. 

“What isn’t fair?” Azriel asked. 

“Cassian is the one who cut me out of his life. Not the other way around. He has no reason to be pissed at me for just simply existing,” I huffed, air rushing back into my lungs. 

“I think it’s a little more complex than-” “What the fuck do you know about us anyway?” I spun to face him, not giving a flying fuck about who was listening. “Cause I’m thinking it’s not much because if you knew, you’d know who I was from the beginning. So keep your speculations to yourself from now on. Got it?” To my surprise, he actually nodded, biting his lips and not looking my way again as the rest of the guests flowed in. 

I was hot. Burning hot with rage and anger and hate. The fucking nerve he has to pretend he knows what happened between Cassian and I. The second Cassian said I could go, I was flying back around the corner to the bar. Thankfully, Cass didn’t try to stop me. He might’ve walked out of here with one less hand. 

The two shots of tequila left a wake of burn in my esophagus and settled in my stomach. I needed food. Quick. I didn’t actually want to give myself alcohol poisoning. 

There were typical fancy party snacks and shit that wasn’t going to be enough to fill me up. The place was buzzing with people and now I just wanted to leave. I was irritated and a little sweaty. Those things didn’t mix well when I got overwhelmed. And the absolute last thing I needed was to have a panic attack in a room full of people. 

I feel so violated. None of what was going on here tonight was okay. There was little I could do to keep my emotions in check. This was wildly unfair. Down right cruel. Cassian didn’t own me and he sure as hell needed to get his friend under control. 

I needed air. Badly. 

“... I don’t know whether or not that event is going to be able to fit into our calendar. We are already booked through the end of the year and- Ira?”

“I’m just going outside for a minute,” I said quietly to Cassian. I gave him a look I hoped he would recognize from years ago. The one I always gave him when he knew I wasn’t able to breathe right for one reason or another. “Just wanted to let you know.”

He gave a nod. And that was more than enough of an understanding. I kept my head down and pressed through the crowd to a set of doors. The setting sun greeted me as the chilly september air brightened my senses again. 

In for four, out for four. In for five, out for five. In for six, out for six. 

One of the only memories I have of Cassian actually being helpful was when he taught me how to control my breath when I had my first panic attack. I was about six years old. Dana and Arthur were having a conversation in the other room and I overheard them. 

“She doesn’t understand right from wrong,” Dana shouted. “What are we supposed to do?”

“Be patient with her, Dana,” Arthur countered. “She just found out they’re not getting adopted. She has every right to be angry and untrusting of us. It’s not her fault. She needs time to adjust to the situation.”

“Yes it is her fault! She got into her teacher's purse and stole her wallet! She pushed a kid off of platform at recess. She is out of control. Here, at school… she is gonna move on to worse shit one day.”

“Ira,” Cassian shook my shoulders. “Ira it’s okay, just breathe.”I hiccuped a sob, snot dripping down my chin. My brain and chest and lungs felt like they were on fire. I couldn’t hear or see anything clearly and all my limbs felt numb and tingly.

“Shhh, Ira it’s okay. I’m here with you. Follow me, put your hands on my chest. Feel me breathing okay? Can you follow my breathing?”

I just nodded, not able to form any words. With every rise of his chest I pulled in a shakey, nauseating breath to match his. In… and out… in… and out…

I opened my eyes and felt my control slip back into my body. The colors in the sky grounded me back to the present and I let the tingling seep from my fingers and toes. Who would’ve thought that suddenly finding yourself back in communication with the person who abandoned you would cause such an emotional roller coaster?

I did not see any of this coming. In the past two days I’ve had more anxious episodes than I have in the past two years. That’s when I got out of “not juvy” and came to live with Dana and Arthur again. 

They were stronger than ever and I had no fucking idea why. That's a complete lie. Of course I knew why. I hadn’t seen Cassian for years and now I’m suddenly living with him again? What did I expect to happen? Clearly I didn’t know it would trigger a fuck ton of memories that I’d rather bury in my mind for the rest of my life. But here we are. 

Here I am. Standing outside of his hotel. His hotel. Having a panic attack. God I am so fucking pathetic. 

This is not the way I wanted tonight to go. If I was going to be stuck here with him for the rest of the night then I was gonna spend it on my own fucking terms. Fuck him. Fuck Cassian and his stupid rules. 

With another grounding breath, I rolled back my shoulders, taking another look at the sky before opening the door. I swallowed my self pity and put my game face on. Now I’m on a fucking mission. I was here to have fun. To make friends, per Cassian’s request. 

Let’s go win some fucking money. 

___

Two and a half hours later I had a stack of chips around me and a royal flush between my two cards and the river. There was a crowd behind me and someone’s sunglasses rested on the bridge of my nose. 

“Miss, the turn is yours. What’s your call?” The dealer asked. 

I had a royal flush. He was not beating that. Just couldn’t. I smirked, pretending to peek at my cards to appear in distress. “Check.”

“Check,” the only other player said from my right. 

The dealer burned and turned the last card, and another fucking hit appeared in the river. I’ve got him by the fucking balls.

“Check,” the man says again, tapping his fingers on the table relentlessly. 

“All in,” I said instantly, the small crowd gasping as I pushed the dozens of chips into the center pot. Could you believe that all I had was twenty dollars to start with and now I was over two grand? It pays to be bold sometimes. 

He flipped over his cards, revealing a straight flush with a smirk.

I clicked my tongue, “Damn. Thought I had that one.”

“Ha!” The man pumps his hand in the air. “Nice try, pretty girl, but I’m-”

“Sorry, is that an eight you turned over?” I asked the dealer, full well knowing that it’s a nine. 

“N-no it’s a nine, ma’am,” she pushed it closer to me and I glanced at my cards.

“Oh,” I chuckled and leaned back. “Thank god, for a second I thought you beat me! But I think a royal flush beats a straight.”

Even the dealer had her mouth open. The guy to my right damn near broke the glass that was halfway to his mouth. I flipped over my cards and spread them out for all to see. Cheers erupted around me as I won the whole fucking tournament. 

“Bitch,” he hurled my way, but I let it slide off me as I stuck my arms in the air, pushing the glasses down to give him a wink as he walked by. 

“Congratulations, miss,” the dealer smiled. “The pot is yours to cash. And there is the bonus as well. Follow me.”

Bonus? I got a bonus for beating some old man's ass at cards? Hell fucking yeah. I was more than buzzed and I swayed when I stood up. A hand steadied me as I wobbled. 

“Note to self, don’t mix tequila with champagne,” I giggled. “Thank you, Cassian.”

Cassian? Cassian. Oh SHIT. CASSIAN. Uh oh. I'm in big. Fucking. Trouble. 

“I think there has been some confusion, Darla,” Cassian said to the dealer. “She was not eligible to compete in today's tournament.”

“Oh? That’s not what I was told. She signed up validly and was-” I watched her eyes dart from my face to Cassians; albeit through blurry eyes, so maybe she was looking behind me. I turned over my shoulder, asking if she wanted to talk to the people behind me. “Oh…”

“Yeah, oh,” Cassian sighed. “Not your fault. We’ll think of something to do with the earnings.”

“Those are my chips, I won them fair and square. As square as Spongebob. The one who lived in the pineapple under the sea,” I clarified in case anyone didn’t know which one I was talking about. 

“Apologies, sir.”

“It’s alright,” he tugged me closer to his body and I stumbled into him. “Let’s go. You’re cut off.”

“Should’ve done that a long time ago, Cassie,” I slurred some of my words, I think. But who cared when I felt like I was walking through the clouds. 

“Don’t call me that here,” Cassie grumbled, dragging me away from the table and my beer that I'd yet to finish. Of course my only logical response was to say it over and over and over again as loud as I could. 

“Wait, my beer!” I cried. “Can we go back and get it?”

“No, we can’t,” he snapped. Cassian dragged me around a corner and into some room off to the side. When he shut the door, he sat me in a chair. This looked oddly like an interrogation room. Especially when he flipped on the single overhead light. He took a deep breath. “Are you out of your fucking mind?”

“No,” I gurgled. “I am very much in my mind. See? It’s not going anywhere, my thick skull keeps it there for me.” “Don’t play stupid, Ira. What made you think it would be a good idea to enter into the poker tournament. Or that I’d be okay with it?”

“You didn’t specify that it was off limits,” I shrugged. He didn’t and he knew it. “And the bingo was boring. They kept reading them wrong and it pissed me off. They kicked me out.”

“What?” Cassian’s eyes were comically wide. “What the fuck did you do?”

“I kept telling them they were wrong. No one else was doing it so I took it upon myself. Batman has saved Gotham once again!” Cassian actually had to restrain himself punching me. I was sure of it. He brought up his arms, but did nothing with them. He just shook his head in what seemed like disbelief. “There are very few things that make me want to drive my hand through a wall, Ira. But right now? You are at the top of the fucking list.” “Get in line,” I swayed a little in my seat. “I don’t know why your panties are all in a knot. You told me to have fun. And I was having fun. I was winning money.”

“You are unbelievable,” Cassian huffed. 

I just folded my arms. A knock on the door had me groaning and I tossed my head back. “Can I go now?” “No. Who is it?”

“Me,” a voice that sounded a lot like Azriel’s said. Great. Just what I need. Him.

“Come in,” Cassian commands and the door swings in. “What?”

“Amren wants to know what's going on. She’s kind of pissed because people are not happy right now,” Azriel said, and I could feel his eyes all over me. “Don’t you look like a bottle of sunshine."

I flipped him off.

“Tell them Ira is going to donate the money to the charity,” Cassian said after a few moments of silence. When I shot my head back up, mouth open in protest, I felt like I was gonna throw up so I snapped it shut quickly. 

“Okay,” Azriel shrugged as if that was easy enough. 

“No,” I blurted out. “That’s not fair, I won that money. I want to decide what to do with it.”

“Well, it’s customary to donate all earned money to the charity tonight. It’s the… courteous thing to do. You should know that since you apparently know how to be classy,” Azriel’s tone was laced with venom. Little did he know I had fangs of my own. 

“That’s my fucking money,” I snapped. “Who gives a shit if it’s donated to charity. It’s just a couple grand.” I watch them share a look. Blinking. Not saying any words. “What?”

“Where did you get a couple grand?” “I won it,” I shrugged, not thinking anything of it. “I had a twenty in my purse and-”

“Don’t fucking lie to me, Ira. Did you win it or did you steal it?” 

He might as well have slapped me clean across the face. The way my heart sank in my chest… he didn’t trust me. He had not one fucking ounce of trust in me. “You’re kidding, right?”

He just gave me an unnerving look. 

“You really don’t trust me, do you?”

“That’s not the point.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “That's absolutely the point. I was just trying to have fun. Like you told me to do. Not everything I’m involved with is a scam, Cassian. I can’t even believe you would think that. I didn’t even know anything about the tournament until I sat down to play.”

“You’re saying you didn’t know how much that jackpot was? Or the bonus?” “I didn’t even know there was a bonus,” I said truthfully. “How much?”

“Nothing,” Cassian dragged a hand down his face, thumbs in his eyes. 

“Well, it’s certainly not nothing,” Azriel raised his eyebrows. 

“How. Much.”

“Not a fucking-”

“Thirty four-thousand total,” Azriel said way to enthusiastically.

“You’re gonna donate thirty four-thousand dollars? And it’s the money that I earned? What the fuck is wrong with you? I could use that money, you know.”

“Why the fuck did you say anyhing?” Cassian was running his fingers through his unbound hair. 

Azriel just shrugged, “Because I knew the look on her face would be hilarious.” 

“Don’t you have better things to do? This needs to be a private conversation.” I was damn near seething now. He was not serious. He could not do something like this to me again. He’s undermining me. 

“Not really, and this is really funny,” Azriel grinned, fussing with the cufflinks on his wrists. 

“Why don’t you go suck face with Mor, you fucking asshole.” Woah… totally shouldn’t have said that. Even I was a little taken aback at my words. 

Cassian narrowed his eyes and brows, just moving his eyes between Azriel and I. 

No one moved. I’m not even sure anyone breathed. I just watched my brother and his douchebag of a friend exchange a series of looks. They made facial expressions like they were talking, but I never heard any words. Suddenly I felt a whole hell of a lot more sober. 

“Good luck, princess,” Azriel said in that tone that made me want to peel the skin of his bones. Then the door clicked shut. Just Cassian and I. In an enclosed space. 

“The money is going to be donated. And that is final. You’re going home. Right now. I’m done dealing with you,” Cassian’s words dig deep. I’m done dealing with you. I’m done dealing with you.

“Yeah, walk the fuck away. Just like you always do. I thought you’d change, Cass. But clearly you’re still the same coward you were six years ago. After all this time… you still don’t trust me. Still don’t trust your sister. It’s only been two days and you’re already kicking me to the curb? Some brother you are.” I was disgusted by him. Never in my life would I have though he would’ve reacted like this to seeing me again. Sure I expected him and I to have our differences. But this? This was borderline torture. 

I watched his shoulders tense as he paused by the door. He didn’t speak, but he didn’t need to. I knew I hit right where I wanted to. And I hoped it fucking hurt.

___

The clang of something against iron forces my eyes open. I groan, trying to open my eyes but find that they’re crusted together. Fucking gross. I roll my head back, neck cracking with the movement. 

Everything above my shoulders– including those– ached. 

I practically peeled my lashes open one by one, light bright in my eyes. I blinked several times to clear the gunk and noted how dry my mouth was. Man… I should’ve drank more water. 

I know I sent a neuron or two from my brain to tell my arm to move, but it didn’t. My arms didn’t move as I tried again, and then again. I sat up in a panic, taking in my surroundings as quickly as I could through the splitting headache. 

Bars. Iron bars. Concrete floors, cinder block walls.

Oh shit.

“Ira Drallor?” Damn it’s been a while since anyone used my last name. A man was in front of me through the rows of bars.

“Huh?” My chest rose and fell quickly. “W-What the fuck is happening? Where am I?”

“Relax, you’re not under arrest.” Arrest… Arrest? Holy shit, I’m in a fucking jail cell. “We just needed somewhere safe to put you.”

“Put me? What do you mean put me? Where’s all my stuff? What happened?” “Calm down, someone is on their way to get you,” He held out a steady hand, unlocking the gate and stepping inside. “I’m gonna come and take off the cuffs, okay?”

I scrambled up and turned around, hearing the unmistakable sound of handcuffs unlocking. The second they fell away I grabbed them, massaging the red indentations. “What the fuck happened?”

“You were out on the street drunker than the Chicago Bulls after their NBA Championship,” he chuckled. Because I knew whatever the fuck that meant. “Someone reported you, not to get you into trouble, but because you were alone. Walking down a busy street at two AM. With one shoe. In the middle of the road. At least you still had your purse with and ID in it.”

So much for having any ounce of self preservation. Or dignity.

“Am I being charged?” I hope to god that they don’t know I have a criminal record.

“No,” he says and I deflate instantly. “But some advice? Maybe just… don’t ever do that again.”

I gave the closest thing to a smile that I could, and then he left. I looked around, then down at myself. 

My feet were bare, but both of my shoes were tucked in the corner. Along with my purse. Two of my nails were gone and my hands were covered in grime. My skirt was torn and I’m sure that my face is a wreck. There is a little mirror above the toilet and I might as well have been out to sea for seven years. 

My hair is a rat's nest and, to no one’s surprise, my mascara is streaked down my face. I look like I’ve been beaten half to death with my makeup everywhere. 

Two things were going through my mind: what the fuck happend being the first. The second was Cassian might actually kill me. 

Guilt and dread filled my stomach, pushing anything else in there to the surface and into the toilet. I gagged and hacked and coughed into it. This was definitely not my proudest moment. Vomiting in a jail cell toilet that hasn’t been cleaned in god knows when. 

Just how I wanted to start my day. Or night, I had no idea what time it was. Of if it was the same day.

The guard must’ve been nearby because he brought me some water and a packet of crackers. He’ll be on that list with Lucien if I make it out of here with my head still on my body after Cassian shows up. 

Fuck… what am I gonna say to Cassian? I hardly remember anything from last night– the night before?– and I don’t know the full extent of what I did. I remember the poker game and then being furious at Cassian about him making me donate all of it. Oh god… I didn’t have to get up on stage and declare that, did I? Fuck… this is gonna be a mess to clean up.

What I couldn't figure out was why I was so mad at Cassian. He probably said something stupid. He always does when he’s angry. I back-tracked through my memories. I was playing poker, then I won. I remember getting dragged into some room and Azriel was in there. No- Azriel came in later. I think? 

Never drinking that much ever again. 

“Well well well.”

I snapped my head up way too quickly and the light above me circled around and around. I rubbed the back of my neck, squinting until the figure came into clearer view. 

That was not Cassian. And he was objectively worse. 

“What the hell are you doing here?” I hissed at Azriel. I was so not in the mood to see him. Or hear him. Or smell his cologne but I guess none of that was really up to me since I was behind bars. 

“I’m the one bailing you out,” he folded his arms over his chest, smiling smugly as he shook his head. “You look like a fucking disaster.”

“Gee, it’s almost like I got blackout drunk and woke up in a jail cell. What’d you expect, me to be well rested and done up like a Barbie?”

“I see your attitude is as snarky as ever. If I would’ve known you were gonna get locked up at the sight of me and Mor I would’ve done it a lot sooner. This is priceless,” Azriel made a vague gesture to me being locked up and leaned up against the wall. 

Him and Mor? Oh- right. Fuck, was I that obvious about it? I really didn’t feel like bickering with him. I just wanted to go home and go to sleep. “What time is it?”

He looked at the watch I had plucked off his wrist earlier. “Almost five.”

“AM or PM?”

“AM?” He gave me a funny look. “Do you have any recollection of what happened?”

“Does it fucking look like I know what happened? No, I don’t. But can you hurry up and get me the fuck out of here?”

“Only if you say please,” Azriel smiled, his stupid, perfectly white teeth flashing. 

I blinked at him. “Azriel I swear to god I will-”

“Just say please and I will get that guard over here to unlock you. The longer you let your pride win, the longer you’ll have to wait for the aspirin, Gatorade, and bacon egg and cheese bagel in the car.”

Every single remark flew out of my mind the second he said aspirin. “Azriel, please get me out of here.”

“Like you mean it,” he grinned wider if that was even possible. 

I was gonna put him through a wall the second I got out of here. But I inhaled, detaching my shoulders from my ears, and swallowed. “Azriel, please. Please get me out of here…”

Something softened in his eyes as he nodded to his right. The sound of keys jingling cut through the air and the guard appeared. Thank fucking god.

“Alright, Miss Drallor, you’re free to go. Get home safe, you two,” he smiled as I walked by, and I read his name tag. Benjamin. 

“Thank you Benjamin,” I smiled, arms full of my belongings. “I’ll try not to get that hammered again. Thanks for keeping me safe.”

“I had a daughter your age once. If someone did the same for her as I did for you, I’d owe them a hell of a favor. Take care, now.”

With a mutual nod, I padded over- still barefoot- to Azriel. “Can we go now?”

“Sure,” he pushed off the wall, spinning his keys around his finger, catching them in his palm. 

The sun was just beginning to shed light on the horizon, a few birds chirping along with the crickets. It was cold, and my feet ached more than my fucking head. I kept my eyes on the ground, careful to not step on any sharp stones in the parking lot. 

“Over here,” Azriel waved, guiding me towards a shiny black Audi R8. Jesus fuck that was a nice car. I paused a few feet from the passenger door, taking in the all black vehicle. This thing cost about seventeen times more than my life's worth. “Leave any scratches and I’ll drop you on the side of the road.”

Some part of me knew he was joking, but I took it seriously. I just wanted to get back to the house.

I carefully opened the door and set my things on the floor in front of the plush leather seat. I began to go around the hem of my skirt, taking out all of the safety pins and cupped them in my hand. 

“Ira that was… I wasn’t serious.”

I just shrugged, looking at him as I sat down. “I think I’ve caused enough fucking damage for one day so I’d rather not risk it.”

The car fired up with a touch of his finger and roared to life. Before pulling away, he reached in the back and plopped a small brown bag in my lap. Did he just… he actually bought me supplies? I peaked in the bag, cheeks heating up a little with tenderness as I saw exactly what he said he had. A bottle of blue Gatorade, a thing of aspirin, and a delicious smelling sandwich. 

“I uhh,” I was genuinely at a loss for words. “Thanks, Azriel.”

“Yeah, it’s not a problem. It's one thing to press buttons, but I don't kick people when they're down. Despite what you think, I am a gentleman.” Why was he being nice to me? Why were his eyes smiling like his mouth? This is weird. Everything about this is weird. 

We pulled out of the parking lot and headed down the road. Lamp posts were still on, and a few deer were over on a field once we got out of the main city. There was some soft music playing on the radio as we drove back to the house. 

“I’m gonna warn you, Cassian is furious.”

“Great.” What did I expect, though. I shoved the bagel into my mouth and might’ve actually moaned at how good it tasted. 

“In all honesty, I think he’s more afraid than anything. You were there in the room when he left and then you were just gone. Literally no one saw you leave, how did you get out?”

“I’m Houdini,” I snorted around a mouthful. His shoulders shook with laughter. “No, I don’t know. I just… do that I guess.”

“Not the first time you’ve had to make an escape, huh?” Azriel drove with one hand on the wheel, eyes flicking over to me before they settled back on the road. 

“You can just add it to the never ending list of ‘skills’ I have,” I said. Every emotion wretched through my bones. Above all was shame. “He’s gonna kill me.”

“No,” Azriel pressed his lips together. “I genuinely think he’s not gonna be as pissed as he is worried.”

“What do you mean not gonna? Does he know you found me?” He shook his head. “What- why?”

“Because it would give him time to be coherent when he sees you after what happened yesterday. I don’t think you want that, do you?” No, I abso-fucking-lutely did not want him to prepare before I could get there. I shook my head. “Then consider this a formal favor.”

“A favor?”

“Yes. I saved your ass from Cassian, now I want something in return.”

“What could I possibly have that you would want? Cause you’re sure as hell not gonna get access to my top secret box of top secret secrets.” Maybe I'm still a little drunk. We took a sharp corner and I leavened into it, head smacking into the side of the car. Yup. Definitely still drunk. “You have a box of top secret shit?” He gave me the blandest ‘I don’t believe your bullshit’ look ever.

“No, but if I did you wouldn’t get access to it,” I smiled, taking another huge bite of the sandwich. It was so fucking good. “What do you want?”

“I want to know what the fuck happened between you two.”

The fucking audacity. He had no right to ask, and he had no need to be in our business. “Sorry, that’s one of my top secret secrets. Better luck next time.”

He clicked his tongue, “Stop being such a hardass for once in your life and just answer the question. I’m not gonna tell anyone, I just want to know why you two are at each other's throats all the time.”

“It really isn’t any of your business,” I said, folding my arms over my chest. 

“Well, you’re living in my house so yeah, it kind of is my business.”

Fair point. 

“There really isn’t much to it. He fucking abandoned me with our foster parents. Totally left me alone with them without a fraction of an explanation or a way to find him.” Why was I telling him any of this? I didn’t fucking owe him anything. “I think the worst part about it was that I blamed myself more than anything. I’ve spent six years of my live thinking I was the one who drove him away when in reality he ditched me for fucking you and Rhys. So I apologize if I don’t welcome you with open arms, but you mean absolutely nothing to me.”

Azriel was silent. I didn’t even hear him breathe. “Ira, it wasn’t-”

“There, I said it. Are you happy now? Fucking prick,” I ground my teeth together so hard I thought they’d crack out of my jaw. Tears stung my eyes and I forced myself to look out the window so he wouldn’t see my trembling lip. 

In for four, out for four…

When we pulled in the small driveway, Azriel put the car in park but made no move to get out. And neither did I.

“If it means anything, I really hope you two work your shit out. Because not only is it a pain to listen to, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cassian so…”

“Burdened?” I finished for him.

“No,” he gave a small chuckle. “I was gonna say challenged. He is one hell of a dedicated person. He's determined to a fault. And the way he talks about you is… he really wants to help you. He wants to be there for you now that you’re here. He just doesn't know how to yet.” “So he just sees me as something to fix? Fucking perfect.” I rolled my eyes, collecting my things and reached for the handle. It didn’t open. I clicked the lock button and it still didn’t move. When I snapped my eyes to Azriel, he had his finger on the child lock button. “Let me out of here. Right now. And I will not be saying please.”

“Here him out,” Azriel gave me a look. A pointed look. “He wants to help you, not fix you. You don’t need to be fixed, Ira. You just need to be shown some basic human kindness for once in your life.” “Because you would know anything about being treated less than royalty. Open the fucking door or I’ll show you exactly how good some of my skills are,” I threatened. I was not above breaking windows. Especially if I was practically being held hostage. He listened. 

Wise move. 

I marched up to the door, smoke billowing out of my ears as I tired the handle. Locked. 

Having to wait for Azriel to come and unlock it was mortifying. It might even haunt me in my dreams. He strode up the sidewalk like he had all goddamn day, sliding the key into the hole and turning it. 

The foyer was empty, save for the shoes haphazardly piled in the corner. Two short beeps rang though the space as the alarm system declared the door was open. The stairs were right there and it would be so easy to-

“Azriel? Did you find her? I’m about ready to call the fucking National Guard where the hell could she… Ira,” Cassian came out of nowhere and barreled into me, scooping me in his arms. I could barely breathe, and my head and neck and body throbbed. 

I coughed, the air strangling out of my lungs. He was hugging me. Cassian was hugging me. He never hugged me, even as a kid. Only when I had panic attacks would he hug me. 

“Fucking put me down.” I thought I was gonna be popped like a grape. 

“Where the fuck have you been? Do you have any idea how fucking worried I have been? Where did you go? Why are you so… so dirty?”

I just gaped my mouth open like a fish. 

“You wanna tell him or should I?” Azriel quipped from the corner. 

“Pipe it, Azzhole.” I didn’t care if it was unoriginal, it was still funny. I turned back around and looked up at Cassian. For a moment I let myself believe that he was actually worried about me. “And I honestly have no idea, I can’t remember. I woke up in a prison cell.”

I watched all the color drain from his face. “P-Prison? What the fuck, Ira? You were arrested?”

“No, apparently a good samaritan saw me wandering in the middle of the street? Barefoot as well. Well, technically I had one shoe on, I have no idea how they found the other one actually-”

“You spent the night in prison?” Cassian roared, surely waking the whole fucking neighborhood. His eyes were huge and he breathed raggedly, hands smothering my shoulders.

“Chill out, I’m fine. They just kept me there to keep me safe for the night. How they got in contact with Azriel is beyond me,” I shrugged, brushing off his hands. I moved down the hall and settling into one of the kitchen chairs. Cassian stood so tensely I wasn’t entirely sure he wouldn’t break himself in half. “No charges.” “Thank fucking god,” he blew out a breath of air, covering his eyes with his hand. Then he glared at Azriel. “Why the fuck didn’t you tell me you knew she was alright? Alive even?”

Azriel just shrugged, “Because I like fucking with you.”

“This is not something you fuck around with, Az. This is my sister, she could’ve been dead for all I knew. O-Or kidnapped. How did you even know where she was?”

“I got a text from one of the bouncers that said a woman matching her description tried to break into the club,” Azriel’s gaze hardened when he looked at me. “Apparently you smashed one of the windows and took a bottle of Jack Daniels.”

My blood ran cold. Now that was a legit crime. 

“So I went down the street, found your shoe, and eventually you. For the record, I was that good samaritan that called in to the station. So you’re fucking welcome for not pressing charges.” Azriel looked pissed. Rightfully so, if all that was true. All traces of that sentimental conversation, all traces of any kindness were gone. 

Cassian just breathed in. Then he breathed out. A little longer inhale the next time around told me he was doing the same trick he taught me all those years ago. 

I twiddled my thumbs. “Let’s get the yelling out of the way.” “I’m not gonna yell,” Cassian rubbed the looming five o’clock shadow on his jaw. 

“Just get it over with. I can take it, don’t hold back,” I rested my temple on my fist, eyes taking in my dirty ass feet. I need a shower. And then a bath. And then my cardboard box of a bed. 

“No,” Cassian shook his head. “I’m not gonna yell at you, Ira. I’m done yelling at you. Clearly it’s not getting anywhere so what’s the point? I just spent the past seven hours scouring the city for you because I thought you left. And I was sick to my stomach because of the last words we spoke to each other. I know I’ve been a shitty brother. A coward. But I just got you back… I don't want to lose you again.”

A rush of memories crashed into me. My very drunk words rattled around in my head. Some brother you are. They played over and over and over and-

“So you’re… not pissed?”

“Oh,” Cassian scoffed. “I’m fucking irate. But I’m just relieved that you’re alright.”

A total fucking one-eighty from a few hours ago. Huh. Weird. 

“But Ira we– we have to do something because I can’t ever have that happen again. So, here’s what we’re going to do. Starting next Monday you are going to be working at the hotel for me.”

“Okay that’s… that’s fine,” I shrugged. I was totally expecting him to send me to the military. I felt like there was a catch coming. 

“And every penny that you make is going towards paying Azriel back for the damages that you caused.”

There it was. 

Well, it’s better than being on the street. I looked from him to Azriel. Him and that fucking smirk. “Fine.”

“Good,” Cassian blew out a long breath. “Oh, and you’ll be working for Azirel, too.”

“What?” Both of us exclaimed at the same time. 

“Didn’t you say you could use an extra set of hands, Az?” There was a very obvious tone to him. He wasn’t offering my help, he was volunteering me. Involuntarily. “You can put her in charge of cleaning up in the mornings.”

“I don’t want her in my building, she wrecked it,” he spat, pacing over to us at the table. He was so tall from this angle. 

“Too bad. You want the costs covered?” Cassian stuck a hand out at me, “Well there it is. It’s been a long day. Go to fucking bed, both of you. And keep your bickering to a minimum please. Nesta is still asleep.” “Good to know she cared about me enough to make an appearance,” I huffed, receiving an eye roll from Cassian. His feet sounded up the stairs and Azriel and I were left in the kitchen. Alone. Very very alone. “Look, I don’t want to do this as much as you do so why don’t we just sweep this under the rug and call it a day. Both of us know you could pay to have a window fixed by sunrise so… wave your magic wand and make it go away.”

Azriel grinned. A devilish look. A devious look. “Oh, absolutely not. You broke my window, and you’re going to come up with the money to fix it.”

Petty bitch. Only he could rival my pettiness. 

“And if I have to call in reinforcements,” he pointed up, referring to Cassian. “I will.”

“Oh, because I’m so afraid of my brother? Please.”

“No,” Azriel closed the distance between us. His body heat radiated toward me, his breath fluttering some of my loose hair. “But you should be very afraid of me.”

Flame, Shadow, Beast : Shadow

Azriel x Reader x Eris

Summary: Years after Eris frees you from his father’s prison, you’ve managed to find a new love, new friends, and build a life for yourself in Autumn. But when a certain Shadowsinger stumbles upon your home, dragging in painful memories of betrayal and longing, you’ll have to face the things you left in the past and make choices about the future you want.

Warnings: Angst (specifically a very angsty Azriel)

Flame, Shadow, Beast: Masterlist

Masterlist of Masterlists

Azriel gripped his glass so tightly in his fist he wondered if it would shatter. 

Another year gone. Another year without you. Another year where the guilt ate at his stomach and heart so fiercely he wondered if he was hollow on the inside. 

Azriel! WAIT! No! Please, no! AZ! HELP ME!

“Azriel.” Cassian’s voice brought him back to reality, a reality where he sat at an empty booth looking murderous as he tried to drown out the past with his ninth drink of the night.

“Cass.” He said stiffly. His voice was as steady and clear as if he hadn’t drank at all. Cassian could never tell if it was because the alcohol didn’t affect him, or because he was incredible at faking sobriety - either was possible when it came to Az.

“This is the fourth night in a row.”

“You’re perceptive. You should take my job.” Azriel’s voice was so dead and emotionless it frightened him.

“Stop this and come home.” Cassian said, almost begging. 

Azriel grit his teeth and said nothing, downing the rest of his drink and silently gesturing to the bar for another one. When the drink came, Cassian snatched it up first. Maybe the drinks had affected him, because on any other day, Azriel could strike faster than lightning.

“Rhysand has a job for you.” He said, pulling on the small collection of words guaranteed to bring some life to his brother.

Azriel’s spine snapped straight and Cassian flinched at how quickly his brother - brooding and sarcastic as he may be - was replaced by The Shadowsinger. 

“What’s the job?”

Find Bryaxis. Those were the two words that had sent Azriel flying into the night sky and across all of Prythian, chasing after the demon that had eluded them since the end of the war against Hybern.

For over a decade they’d all held their breath when it came to the ancient creature. For over a decade they’d been plagued by more pressing matters than a beast who seemed content to remain hidden and out of mind. Still, Azriel hadn’t forgotten about him. No, he was like a loose thread on a piece of clothing - forever destined to tug and unravel at Azriel’s shortening patience and sanity. 

Nesta had felt something. Something she wasn’t sure of - Bryaxis looming over all of Prythian like a shadow before curling up into a sliver of smoke and disappearing for good. 

They’d written to Elain to see if she had seen anything through her Eye, but she’d also been experiencing blind spots in her vision. The future was always full of events, some malleable and some concrete, but it was more unclear than ever before - like someone had shattered a mirror and she was left to string the pieces back together.

Azriel shook his head, emptying his mind of thoughts of Elain. It would do him no good. Thoughts concerning Elain were painful enough now that she’d left the Night Court… they were made even worse because they always traced their way back to you. Like how rivers must always find their way back to the sea, Azriel found himself drawn back to memories of you, so bright and full of heat they blinded and burned him. Your smile, your laugh, the grim determination on your face as you stared him down during sparring matches. You’d been his anchor without him even knowing it. 

And now you were gone. And it was all his fault.

Stupid, stupid fool. He hissed at himself.

Threads of information concerning Bryaxis were sparse and limited, but Azriel chased after them all, finding himself deep within the gleaming workshops of Dawn, the silent and cherished libraries of Day, and the sea-whipped bellies of Summer Court ships before finally tracing Bryaxis to the Autumn Court.

This has to be handled delicately. It is imperative that no one discovers you. 

Azriel saw Rhysand’s familiar graceful penmanship, read the words, and immediately crushed the note in his hand, casting it into the dying fire. The paper folded and crumpled from the heat before turning to ash.

He huddled down in the mountains that crossed the line between Winter and Autumn, grateful to be free from the cutting winds. Beyond the frozen lake were rolling hills of bejeweled forest. He wouldn’t risk flying now. From here he’d travel through shadows and by foot, getting as close to the Forest House as he dared.

If his intuition was right (and it so often was), if Eris knew Bryaxis was within the borders of his court, he would keep him close. Close enough to monitor, close enough to kill if need be. But what The High Lord of Autumn would want with Bryaxis, Azriel had no idea.

With the issue of succession dealt with and Eris planted on the High Lord’s seat, there came less and less of a need to continue relations between Autumn and Night, at least between Autumn and the Court of Dreams. After the war and until a month ago, nearly all of Eris’s dealings had been with Keir and the Court of Nightmares. Rhysand wanted to change that, and that meant if Azriel wanted to search for Bryaxis in Autumn, he would have to do it in secret. Eris would sooner pluck out his eyes than let any member of the Inner Circle scour his lands voluntarily.

Azriel traveled from town to town, inching ever closer to the Forest House, which curled up beneath the earth like a sleeping giant. That was the issue with the Forest House - hardly anyone knew the size of it, and that meant Azriel could be walking above a watchguard stronghold and not realize until it was too late. 

Something stirred within him when he reached one of the Forest House border towns. Everywhere people seemed brighter, livelier than when Beron had been alive, but this place… this place was filled with an uncharacteristic casualness and joy. The marketplace bustled with activity even in the early morning. Plump fruits, freshly baked bread, and sticky treacle candies wrapped in wax paper were laid out with care on hand-built carts decorated with golden chrysanthemums and sunflowers. 

You would have loved this place.

No. This wasn’t what he’d come for. He’d come to distract himself with work and to find Bryaxis.

Azriel slipped up the trees and settled in between two arching branches, straining his ears to hear the talk that went on below. His shadows slithered out to gather information his senses couldn’t reach.

“Faula’s with child, can you imagine! After so-”

“Thirty?! Why, how could you charge so much! The High Lo-”

“Four dozen eggs, two pounds of flour, six slabs of butter, and-”

“Will Our Lady be coming?” 

Azriel’s ears pricked up, blocking out the hushed conversation that went on around the pair of females who sat on milk crates and peeled apples under the cover of a thatched roof. The crisp sound of a knife sliding between fruit and peel followed by the thunk of a cored apple dropping into a barrel was a soft rhythm to Azriel’s ears.

“To ours?! Good gods, Rebessa, to think that she’d spend the harvest here.”

“She lives close by. It’s not as though we’re strangers to her and she’s wonderfully kind!”

“I hear she’s been invited elsewhere.”

The female gasped, her hand flying up to her mouth. “Elsewhere?”

“Elsewhere.” 

“Do you think he’ll-”

“Shhhhh. You mustn’t say anything. I’m not even supposed to know.” 

“Well how’d you find out?”

“Syndra says he’s been visiting jewelers and carpenters every week. He could be preparing a new room… or a bridal chest.”

“About time! And will he be going with her?”

“He follows wherever Our Lady goes.”

“Shame. He was unnerving, but welcome. Haven’t lost a sheep or hen in ages.” 

They continued on, whispering between their bowed heads of matching ruby-colored hair. Autumn Court members were crafty and secretive by nature, an unfortunate byproduct of existing beneath the thumbs of one brutal and cunning High Lord after another. But it would seem their tongues had loosened in the years since Eris had come into his power.

Our Lady. 

Elsewhere. 

He.

Azriel rolled the words around in his mind like a rough-cut stone in a tumbler, then set off to find the “he” who followed this Lady wherever she went.

As he slipped through the village, searching for a home that would be fit enough for a Lady of Autumn, there were two things he noticed. First, the stirring in his chest had grown stronger, like the pulling of the sea as it went out with the tide or the beating of a firefly’s wings against glass. Second, for a town of this size, even one that lay so close to the Forest House, there were only a handful of guards left to trot around atop their horses and an additional handful that patrolled the paths to the fields on foot. Whoever this Lady was, she offered them enough protection and power that Eris would willingly leave it vulnerable - at least in appearance.

Azriel’s nerves sparked with interest, his heart thrumming with the adrenaline that came with staying hidden. It was like a game of sorts. A game of how far he could go, how deep into a court could he burrow, how many secrets he could steal from tight lips without getting caught. 

When he came across the cottage beyond the borders of town, nothing but the faint trail made by footsteps and horse hooves hinting at its existence through the break in the treeline, he was unimpressed. No wave of power rushed over him. No hunting dogs or other monsters were posted at the door. The only thing that strengthened, and had continued to strengthen as he neared this place, was that fluttering tightness in his chest. 

He couldn’t tell if it was his instincts on edge or a bad omen of what was to come. 

There was a flat, empty stretch of land from the treeline to the front door. He called upon his shadows, drawing his power over himself to hide as he slinked across the grass soundlessly. His feet knew where to step, his lungs knew when to take breath, until suddenly he was at the side door. A peek in through the window confirmed his suspicions. 

There was no one here. 

He pressed his fingertips to the walls of the house, feeling the magic splinter outward like a ripple on a still lake. It was an unassuming, but powerful spell that wrapped around the house like a second skin. But Azriel was craftier than that, poking for weak spots in the magic and finding an opening in the chimney. 

He broke through the veil of magic, slipped into the darkness, and emerged on the other side inside the house. 

It was the smell that dropped him to his knees, the scent of witch hazel, rosemary oil, and oranges, clean and bright and warm all at the same time. 

It smelled like you. 

All thoughts of his mission and staying hidden at all costs were wiped from his mind. Now he searched for you.

He walked as if in a trance, finding pieces of you everywhere. He found you in the half-drunken mug of tea sweetened with honey and lavender syrup on the kitchen counter. He found you in the embroidery on the curtains - dainty flowers and vines used to patch up the holes and scratches with a personal touch. He found you in the fingerprints that stained the outer leaves of the books on the table. 

All these small things spoke a truth he hadn’t dared hope for in over a decade.

You were still alive.

He whirled around, searching the space with desperation for any further signs of you. But the house was empty and still, pieces of furniture missing like you’d been preparing to leave.

You slipped into your house, pressing a finger against your lips in warning to Bryaxis.

Stay silent. 

The monster obeyed, his neck twisting to the side at an unnatural angle as his body grew in size, shadowy flesh warping and stretching until he’d taken the form of a bear. 

Your eyes turned black. Power whispering at the edges of your mind just waiting to be called upon. You flexed your hands, calling your sword from the ether and feeling its familiar weight drop into your palm. 

There was a stranger in your home. A male from the looks of his build and height. He rummaged through the drawers by the door, deft fingers pulling out letters and keys while his other hand gripped his weapon.

You aimed the sword in the center of their back, tracing their spine with your eyes and pressing it against the space between two vertebrae, right at the root of their lungs.

“Drop the sword.” You commanded, pressing harder. The blade sliced through the layers of leather armor with ease. A wrong move, too deep a breath, and you’d slice through their spinal cord and leave them paralyzed on the floor.

Azriel’s heart hammered away in his chest and the feeling there twisted and ate away at him. Turn around. The voice commanded. Look at her.

His hold on his sword went slack, the metal singing before it clattered onto the floor. Without being asked, he unsheathed Truth-Teller, dropped it to the floor and slid the weapon back towards you, holding his breath as your boot stopped the ancient blade in its tracks with a solid thump.

You hadn’t recognized him. How could you? It was unnatural to see him in undyed leather armor and his raven black hair was tucked beneath a matching hood. The rich browns of the amour whispered of Autumn. He must have stolen it shortly after crossing the border into your court. But Truth-Teller? There was no mistaking it.

You grabbed him by the back of his jacket, spun him around, and slammed him against the wall before ripping off the hood with a snarl. The cool touch of your blade against his throat and between the slats of his ribs couldn’t stop what he knew was coming. 

The bond burst to life and burned within his chest, swooping and singing like a bird off a cliffside. It was a breath of fresh air. An answer to all his maddening questions.

“Hello Y/n.” His voice rang out in the house, deep and dark and all too familiar. 

You froze, eyes blowing wide open as you tightened your hold on the knife and sword until your knuckles turned white. 

Aside from the clothes he didn’t look any different from the last time you’d seen him. Same black hair, same hazel eyes that shone a million different colors, same beautiful, sculpted face spoiled by an uncharacteristic look of shock and awe. 

He looked the same as he did on the day he handed you over to Beron. 

You for Elain. 

You in exchange for the female he loved.

The betrayal still stung like salt rubbed into a fresh wound. 

Fury set your blood boiling and you answered its call, drawing back and slamming your fist into the side of his jaw so hard you felt something crack and split.

Azriel fell to the ground, catching himself on one hand as the other flew up to his jaw. 

Dislocated. 

He popped it back into place, wiping his mouth and seeing his hand come away red with blood. 

Azriel’s heart threatened to stop in his chest. His eyes crawled over the sight of you, hungry and desperate for every inch of proof that you stood before him. Your eyes were alight, brighter than any fire the world could set ablaze. Everything about you was wide and full of feeling as you stood above him, 

Inside his chest, the mate bond continued to purr happily, refusing to be silenced.

“Y/n.” He said again. The words fell like a prayer from his lips. “You’re alive.” 

“No thanks to you.” 

Bryaxis growled in agreement from your side, lips pulling back to expose teeth stronger than metal and smooth as porcelain. Azriel’s eyes flickered down to him in surprise before going back to you. 

“Bryaxis. You’re his master now.” A flash of pride warmed his chest. Leave it to you to take control of one of the most dangerous monsters in existence. Cassian would lose his mind when he found out.

Again, the creature growled, this time in disgust.

At the mention of the creature you’d come to consider a worthy friend you snapped out of your stupor and pointed the sword at his chest, just beneath his sternum, pressing down. Any more force and you’d break skin. Angle it upwards and push and you’d reach his heart.

“Y/n, please.” He begged. It was another shock to your system. You’d never heard him beg for anything. 

“What do you want?” The words came out hard and trembling.

“I came to find Bryaxis and bring him back to the Night Court. I… I wasn’t expecting to see you here.” 

“Obviously. And yet you’re in my house. Uninvited, might I add.” There was an edge to your voice that hadn’t been there before, a harder gleam to your eyes despite everything else remaining the same. There were some scars that did not write themselves onto skin.

“I… How did you survive?” 

Your lips tightened and turned pale, “Are you shocked? Disappointed?”

Azriel flinched. Your words may as well have been another blow to his face. The flesh around his jaw was beginning to bruise, shifting from an inflamed red to a mottled purple. 

“No!” Azriel lifted his hands up in surrender. “We searched for you. We searched for you for weeks… You have to believe me.” You searched his eyes for an answer, expecting to be met with his usual unreadable expression. But you found the exact opposite. He seemed… lost. Like he didn’t know what to do with himself. If you didn’t know better you would say the Shadowsinger looked frightened.

“I’m sorry.” he gasped, “For everything.” 

It was too late for apologies. Far too late. You told him as much.

“I know,” Azriel swallowed thickly, “I know.” He said again, quieter this time. Something within him dimmed.

“Bryaxis isn’t coming with you.” You said, breaking the silence and finally taking the pressure of your sword off his chest. Azriel moved back onto his feet as swift and strong as a river. “Now get out.” 

You turned your back to him, shrugging off the uncomfortable feelings that weighed on your shoulders. You’d be happier when he was long gone.

“You can run back to Rhys and tell him you failed.”

“Y/n-” His hand brushed against your arm, willing you to look at him again. And you did. You whirled on him in an instant, shoving him back with the hilt of your sword.

“Don’t touch me.” You growled. He flinched again like he’d been burned. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n. I-” He scrambled for words that wouldn’t come. Anything to hold on to you for a little while longer, “Why didn’t you come back to the Night Court? Why didn’t you come home?”

A stupid question to which he already knew the answer.

“That was never my home and there’s nothing left for me there.”

Azriel shook his head, hair shining like a raven’s wing in flight, “That’s not true.” 

I’m there. He sent his pleas through the bond. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been waiting for you for years… for my whole life. 

“It is true.”

“And there’s more for you here?” Azriel asked quietly. “You live here on your own, no friends, no family.” 

“I didn’t have friends or family in the Night Court either.” You weren’t going to tell him about Eris or Halvor or the others. He didn’t have any right to that knowledge, “You proved that when you traded me away to Beron.” 

Azriel tipped his head forward, closing his eyes to the feeling of shame that weighed him down.

Azriel! WAIT! No! Please, no! AZ! HELP ME! 

“It was Rhys and I who made the decision. The others didn’t know. Don’t hate them for what we did.” 

Your laugh came out like a sharp bark, “I have a hard time believing that.” 

If the circumstances were different, he might have pulled down the neck of his shirt and shown you the thin scar on his shoulder, courtesy of Nesta stabbing him with a kitchen knife after she’d learned what he’d done. She would have gone for a second attempt if it hadn’t been for Cassian. He’d dragged her away screaming and crying. 

“It’s true. I swear it.” Azriel whispered.

You didn’t say more, didn’t give him the satisfaction of continuing the conversation. His eyes burned into you, moving across your body with a lover’s touch like you were a well and he was looking to drown.

Before you would have melted under his gaze. Before you’d wanted nothing more than to see him look at you this intently. Things had changed.

“I’ll give you an hour to leave these lands. If you’re not long gone by then, I’ll send Bryaxis after you.” 

The creature bristled with excitement, teeth bared in a terrifying smile.

“Y/n-” Azriel begged. “Please. The others-”

“I don’t care about the others.” Your voice cracked and you hated yourself for it. 

“I don’t believe you.” 

“I don’t care what you believe or don’t believe.”

“Y/n…” He knew you were serious about your threat and that time was ticking, but he needed to see you again. He needed it like flame needs oxygen. “The others didn’t know…” 

To your surprise he dropped down to one knee in front of you, eyes tilted towards the ground.

“I hate what I did to you. I hate that I hurt you and.. And I know…” He swallowed thickly, “I know I don’t deserve any kindness or forgiveness, but at least let the others see you… Let them visit,” He added after a short pause, “In Autumn, if that’s what you want.”

“Get out, Azriel.” 

To hear you say his name broke the dam on old memories, painful and numerous. Memories of you screaming out for him to help you when Beron’s men strapped the ashwood chains around your wrists and ankles. Screams begging him to take you home. Anywhere other than Autumn. Anywhere other than under Beron’s thumb.

Azriel! WAIT! No! No, no, no, no, no. Please, no! AZ! HELP ME! 

“Please. Consider it.” Azriel murmured. You turned away from him, looking at the engraved clock on the wall. Every tick tock of its hands felt like a death knell. 

“They’ll be glad to know you’re alive and safe… more than you know.” 

You said nothing, heard nothing as he took his things and slipped out of your house. But you felt his absence like a stone in your stomach. It wasn’t until Bryaxis nudged your waist that all the anger, sadness, and longing crashed in around you. You broke down on the floor, and began to sob into Bryaxis’s side.

<- Previous Chapter Next Chapter ->

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Author's note:

Yeahhhhhh, Azriel fucked up. But I feel like this would be in character for him? He gets fixated on the people in his life that he's able to 'save' (i.e., Mor and Elain) and especially because of the whole '3 sisters for 3 brothers' thing, I think he would be willing to make big sacrifices to save Elain if it came down to it... but perhaps I'm wrong. I would be curious to hear other people's opinions on it.

Anyhow, sorry for the sad and angsty chapter.

Love,

Florence B.

Taglist: @nightless @mmb-09 @thesnugglingduck @cleverzonkwombatsludge @kemillyfreitas @logankemaek @the-sweet-psycho @a-frog-with-a-laptop @flameandshadowx @applerubyy @esposadomd @imma-too-many-fandoms @bubybubsters

Tomorrow I a, writing and studying! That’s gonna be my day! Good night!

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Stopppppp. You’re making me fall for Lucien! And I was pinning for Eris.

lucien x reader jealousyyyy,, imagine reader makes a pact with azriel to help him get elain and azriel helps reader get lucien. They use eachother to make elain and lucien jealous and it works. reader and az shamelessly flirt with eachother around luc and elain. Lucien snaps on day when he sees reader and az kissing nc the mating bond snaps for him. 👀👀 a lotta smut plsss

For ever and ever.

Summary: Lucien gets a little... possessive.

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A/n: i had so much fun writing this anon, and i love you so much for sending this in ♥ also, i feel like i got a lil poetic with this one lol 😂

anyways, enjoy!

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Y/n peeked from around the door, wondering where the hell Lucien was and why he was taking so long to arrive. He was supposed to have arrived already.

She had told him to be present before the sun began setting so she could show him the new restaurant she had found. He had agreed, just like all the times before. She would ask him to meet her in a specific place, and he would meet her. No questions asked. They would then go on to explore Velaris and little picnics and what not.

Y/n knew Lucien loved to do these little outings with her. If he didn't, he would have told her ages ago.

But everytime Y/n thought he would do something to take their relationship further, become something, anything more than friends, he would turn away.

It was like taking one step forward, three steps back.

This had been going around for months now, this dance between the two of them. And he had seemed not at all interested in ending this dance.

So Y/n had to take her own steps forward before he could leave the dance midway.

And Azriel had seemed like the perfect musician to guide this dance between Y/n and Lucien to its happy end.

Of course, Y/n felt like she was using him, and her heart was happily opening the gates for guilt to come sweeping in, but she knew she had all the rights to banish the guilt from the sprawling manor of her consciousness.

Especially when he was a consenting adult in this ruse, one who had a good head on his shoulder- most of the time- and was getting something out of it.

The two of the would flirt like their lives depended on it around Lucien and Elain, and Y/n could see Lucien holding back a snarl, a roar, could see his frustration when she got a little too touchy with Azriel. Azriel, of course, went along with the act, at times even making Y/n question if he really was acting.

A door opened somewhere in the house, and then Azriel was whisper yelling for Y/n to hurry up.

And that meant it was either Lucien or Elain. Probably both.

She hurried over to him, and he wrapped his hands around her waist, lifting her onto the counter. and before she could have second thoughts about about this brilliant plan of hers, his mouth descended.

His lips were soft, and he was a good kisser, but Y/n imagined he was nowhere near Lucien-

There were soft voices coming from the hallway beyond the door, becoming louder and louder by the moment.

Azriel leaned into Y/n, deepening the kiss like that was his sole purpose in life until there was no sound except the blood roaring in Y/n's ears.

There was so much silence, for a moment Y/n wondered if she'd gone deaf.

Then suddenly, Y/n felt as if she'd been dropped into a pit of fire. The temperature became unbearable, and as quickly as Azriel had begun kissing her, he was ripped away, leaving Y/n gasping.

When she opened her eyes, she found herself looking at the broad back that belonged to Lucien, his hair shining brighter than ever, the red rivaling that of the hottest of fires. He trembled with anger, and it was a miracle there was no steam coming out of his ears.

Y/n glanced around for a moment, trying to see if Azriel had gotten hurt. She found herself looking at a teary eyed Elain, who stared at something- someone- on the ground in front of Lucien, who still had his back turned to Y/n.

"What are you doing?" Azriel rasped, and Y/n finally got a glimpse of him. He was sitting on the ground, hid hands braced behind him to hold himself in an upright position, his mouth gaping.

Shit.

Lucien said nothing, standing still.

The situation was escalating too fast, and Y/n wondered if she'd taken it too far.

She put a hand on Lucien's shoulder, and that seemed to break him out of his trance. He whipped his head around to look at Y/n, fire in his eyes, his skin slightly aglow. It was not the glow of happiness.

It was the glow of murderous rage.

He slowly twisted his head back to look at Azriel as his hands came to rest on Y/n's hips. Despite the severity of the situation, the traitorous butterflies in Y/n's stomach took flight.

"Do not ever think about touching her. Keep your hands to yourself if you don't want to lose them."

Y/n simply stared at the autumn court male, her heart beating in her throat. Not because she was scared, but because she needed him to push her heart back into her chest with his tongue-

No. Not now. Not good timing for such thoughts. She chided herself.

Lucien turned then, sliding his arms around Y/n, and then simply winnowing away.

•○🌑○•

It shouldn't have been possible. Winnowing shouldn't have been possible due to the numerous spells put around the river house, but when Y/n opened her eyes, she knew that Lucien had somehow made it possible.

Because she was sitting on an entirely different counter, in an entirely different kitchen from the one she had just been in.

She stared at the fuming male in front of her, and he stared back.

Finally, after what felt like ages, Y/n found her voice. "How- how did you do that?"

That made his brows furrow. "Do what?"

"You winnowed us. You shouldn't have been able to."

"Oh." A smirk that bordered on cruel curled his mouth. "You forget I am the spell cleavers son."

Y/n blinked. "What... what do you mean?"

His smirk faded away. "You don't know?"

She shook her head, the new revelation leaving her reeling.

His face hardened. "So they didn't tell you as well, huh?"

Then he told her about how the inner circle had hidden from his his true lineage, how they had voted and then decided to leave him in the dark. How he had only recently found out through his mother after Beron's death, and how he had confronted the first member of inner circle he came face to face with.

It had been Elain, and she caved within moments of him beginning to question her. She claimed they would have told him eventually, but she didn't want to break the inner circle's trust by telling him the truth.

"I was pissed, and seeing you with him- kissing him, it only increased my fury."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, Y/n couldn't help but feel glee.

"Why did you get angrier? Were you jealous, Lucien?"

He blushed, just a little. He made to move away, but Y/n's hand shot out, curling into his shirt. She grinned at him as she tugged him closer, and that made his eyes drop to her lips.

He looked back up into her eyes, searching for something.

She dipped her chin in a nod, and then there was no stopping Lucien.

His lips crashed into hers, and all air fled Y/n's lungs.

The air was kicked out because the space was needed for the golden string that made itself know in that moment.

She gasped, and he used the action to deepen the kiss, his hands holding onto her hips with bruising intensity. She was glad.

He didn't stop until it was practically impossible to go any longer without breathing. Truly unfortunate, and it had Y/n cursing her lungs because they couldn't hold in more air.

Lucien panted, staring at her as a feral grin crawled onto his face, his delight evident in his eyes.

"You are mine." The words were breathless, barely a whisper. They sounded like a question. Cocky, but there was a tone of uncertainty under all the arrogance.

Like he was trying to make sure she had no problem in being his.

"I am yours."

"For ever. You are mine for as long as we live."

She smiled gently, wrapping her arm around his neck and tugging his mouth back to hers.

"For ever and ever, I'm yours."

•○🌑○•

General taglist: @bubybubsters @eos-princess @nightless @harrystylesfan2686

aww

just because I couldn't decide on a favourite piece of work or you maybe don't write or create fanart, it does not mean I don't want to give you a special shout-out. so on this day a special shout-out to:

@historiaxvanserra @bubybubsters @sunshinebingo @tsunami-of-tears

thank you for everything you do for this fandom, you are greatly appreciated🤍

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sorry for being gone for a long time (a weekish) I’ve read something’s but I need to catch up on a lot. I exchanged my writing time for reading Iron Flame. Now I’m sad. Hopeless. Depressed.

I get it you don’t like Fourth Wing but please don’t give hate for anyone who may like it!

Im going to get back to writing!

also sorry for not updating my Impossible series….

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