Chilahh16 - A Story That Could Have Been - Tumblr Blog

" So what if it's us?"

Funny how all the expectations we have comes crumbling down - how the standard and type are erased with one simple truth. Max Verstappen would have laughed mockingly if someone had told him that no one has a type, that he would settle down for someone far from the standard that he has. Who was he to not gloat about someone of equal standing - attractive, hot, wealthy, and has a model-like body. He is a Formula 1 driver, a champion for goodness sake hence, he only needed the best of the best.

So imagine the surprise of himself, as well as everyone that had known him, how smitten he is of the present. He became so despairingly different from his past self - the man who was always in a relationship with women older than he is, the stoic, mad man that people made him out to be; the scarred man and the champion that he is was stooped to a stuttering mess in front of her.

She was always the simple one. Pants with plain shirt, summer dress and flats, and all things that screams plain. However, behind the plainness, an ethereal glow and elegance surround her. The genuine smile she always seem to wear brightens his day of bad and a simple gesture of congratulations always melt his heart. But she is someone Max could never dare touch nor would he think so.

He can still remember what Daniel had said when he caught him staring at her, ' She's not someone to be meddled with. She's far too pure for you, mate.' It sucked and it hurt because it was true. She really is like no other. That Y/n Albon, beloved sister of his friend and colleague, Alex Albon.

Their meeting was like every other. He saw her at the Singapore GP. Her entrance at the paddock with her brother caused heads to turn. Someone who thought she was Alex's new woman was dumb, and Max was that. He was not the gossip type but he gaped at them, unknowingly smacking Daniel's arm. He can still remember vividly the embarrassment he felt after knowing the truth. And it was at that day that he realized how precious she was. From the protective stance Alex had, the intentional close distance and the glare he sent away to men who stared longer than necessary proved his point. Because Alex knew that bringing his sister meant walking directly to the lion's lair. He knew of what his friends are, and as much as he can, he'll shield his sister of the fate many women fell to. Even the Daniel Ricciardo warned many that the woman is not a territory to trespass.

Hence, Max was dissolved to just watching from afar. Unlike everybody else, he cannot stand to have a conversation with the Albon woman. His vocabulary would always fail him and he envy the others that had shared her company. He had also come to hate how his other colleagues stare at her - like a prize after a treacherous battle. But one thing that had always bugged him is of how George sees her. Even of how mad others might think of him, he knew all too well the eyes that Russel has whenever he spoke with Y/n. The deep affection is palpable to everyone and he handles her with so much care that people would talk of his chivalry.

It was irritating. It irked him to no end.

But who was he to feel such when she is not his - to love, care, protect, and flaunt to the world. Truthfully, he was scared. Scared that being close to her would allow him to taint her genuineness. He is terrified of how his life could turn hers upside down. She's fragile in his eyes no matter how people whisper of the strong, independent woman that they came to love. Hence, he drowned himself in overthinking. The voices of his father and of the demons he kept at bay, ran rampage in his mind as they ridicule him of how he is a coward. How low he has come of falling for someone as common as she when the women before her can be called equal as him.

He let himself sway to the music of the rapid and messy ways of his life. He let himself sink into the ghost of fear and unattached himself completely to those raven orbs of hers that he could swim to. But how traitor life is. As he stood atop the VIP lounge enjoying the control of modern music blasting in the spacious club as the entire grid celebrated yet another win from him, his eyes wandered to the bodies on the dancefloor and it widened as he saw her awkwardly sitting behind the bar, nursing on something that he could tell was water. A smile made its way to his face as he saw how she does not fit in the setting. She's looking curiously to the people dancing sensually while making sure that Alex and his other friends are within sight.

Everything seemed to stop and he can only see her. Maybe what they said was true. Falling for the right person does things to someone, unexplainable. He did not even realize as he left the lounge and made way to her. He navigated his way amongst drunk and passionate people. He did not stray and as he stands behind her, all he could do was utter a dumb ' It's nice to see you here.'

" Huh?... Oh! Max, hi!" Y/n said surprised yet she smiled as she saw the face of his brother's friend.

" I'm sorry if I scared you. It's just..."

" No worries. It's nice to see another familiar face here. Al and Danny are over there if you're looking for them." She pointed towards the dancefloor, waving the man's concern.

" I- Actually... would you like to go outside to get some fresh air?" Max surprisingly questioned without so much stuttering.

He mentally patted his back for the sudden boost of confidence, as well as of the agreed nodding from Y/n.

" So, how come you're here? I mean, you know, you, here...um in a club." Max stuttered, deflating the boost of ego he had before they made it outside.

" Al brought me here. Since he cannot leave me alone at the hotel, he had to take me. It was just for an hour but seeing as he's enjoying himself, I just let him be. And congratulations on your win today." Y/n explained as they both sit on the sidewalk, a few feet away from the club, far enough to see when her brother comes out.

" Why do you seem so surprised that I'm here? Is it so obvious how awkward I was?" the woman shyly giggled.

Max nodded at that. It was indeed true, she does not fit in his brother's lifestyle. She that craves peace amongst all others, must stand in the spotlight as an extended part of being Alex Albon's sister. It was fun most times, she love the fans and the roar of the engine whenever it came to life, yet it is equally draining. The F1 world is chaotic, messy and full of drama. A driver's personal life is limited as his image demands the public to know. And Y/n does not like that. She has always been a private person - no socials or anything, and her pictures are only seen from her brother's account, or from Lily, family, and closest friends.

Max further realized the depths of how private Y/n truly is - how she values peace amongst all others, as they continue to converse. She was totally different, he deduced. Luxury does not appeal to her and she loves to have family and friends around for a get together.

All hesitations that he had before was washed away from how comfortable it is to speak with her. She is not just some pretty face like everybody else, she pairs it with a witty and bright mind. Even at 23 years old, she has a mature perception in life and he is weak for he fell so much more.

" I like you, you know." he breathed as he continue to stare at her, talking animatedly about something she is passionate about.

It shocked the hell out of him when she stopped talking and stared confused at him before a small smile grace her lips.

" I know. Danny and Lando had been telling me. Al was even furious when he heard it." she laughed at how his eyes turned saucer whilst his whole face turned cherry tomato.

Yet Y/n continued.

"Danny said that you've been watching like a hawk every time I'm around. He had teased me of how much you would run away whenever I am near."

Max did not know how to respond to that. He was always the confident type - though stoic but he knows his way with words. Yet now, his brain refused to form coherent sentences. Y/n saw it and she hummed thoughtfully before saying.

" You're a fine man, Max. No one would debate that. You have everything women desired and they flock around you everyday. So, I don't understand why you would like a plain, old simple me."

" You're right. But maybe it is that simplicity that I needed in my life." He countered, looking amongst the cars passing by.

" You'll bore yourself in the long run, you know."

" How can you decide that simplicity is boring?" Max challenged.

"I'm not. It's just...I'm different, Max. You see for yourself how unfit I am in my brother's lifestyle. I cannot forego with all the luxury. Too much riches suffocates me and I have nothing in my name except being Formula 1 driver, Alexander Albon's sister."

" Now that's where you're wrong." Max began as he gazed into the night.

" Everyone knows how you and Alex are two different people. Even when everyone does not see you...I see you clearly. I fell for the simple Y/n. The woman who wore the most plain of clothes. The one that cares and is kind to everyone. The one who lightens people's days. I see the Y/n who tops her class, the Y/n that loves architecture that she got a degree for it. I only see the Y/n as Y/n and not as a sister to my colleague."

" You know, you sound sappy right?" Y/n remarked that earned a laugh from the man beside her.

But she knew, even when the Max Verstappen avoided looking directly at her, she saw the sincerity in his eyes as it gleamed in the evening light. People were wrong. There was no mad Max at all. Because looking at the man beside her, Y/n only saw a man so sincere while bearing the scars that has yet to heal. She saw Max and not the Max.

As they bask in the warmth of each other, the silence breathe life to the words unsaid, to the scars and insecurities they bear. And as they leaned towards each other, the voices that ridiculed and made fun of Max fell silent.

" You're more than what they say you are, Max Verstappen. You're genuine." Y/n muttered in the silent night, earning a confused hum from the Dutch.

" People named you Mad Max though I see no light to such title. In my time attending Grand Prix's, I have heard the stories and the hushed whispers. I saw you get angry before but, I failed to see how they called you mad. You, however, looked torn. And I seem to have an idea now."

" You do?"

" Yes. We may not have conversed much before but looking at the now, I see how tough you are on yourself. How you drag yourself to be the best. How you showed to everyone that nothing can sway the hard exterior that you built...I have nothing to say that would excuse what had happened before in your life but, you're enough, you know. Champion or not. You deserve every good thing in life."

The confidence that came when Y/n said it stirred something in him. He has heard every gruesome thing growing up. From the terrible childhood trauma to the disgust of people who hate to see him win. He took everything with head held high hence, he wondered why he has his head hang low when he heard that 'he's enough'. Maybe it was because she's one of the people who made him believe that he is not so bad himself. Apart from his mother and sister, she actually see the boy with his demons. And he realized at that moment, there is no going back. The woman beside him is someone he knew he needed. Like how he need air to breathe, how he sought to win the championship every season. He really does like her -no, scratch that, he love her.

" Thank you for keeping me company, Max. I had a great time." Y/n said as she got up from leaning at him, eyes trained outside the club as her brother, along with Danny and Lando stumbled drunkenly towards them.

She walked towards Alex as Max slowly got up from his sitting. That's when Lando saw him. The Brit wasted no time in jumping towards the Dutch man. Slurring in his laugh as he relish in the company of friends. Max was unable to say anything more as Y/n guided Alex to his car. He traced every curve of her face as the worry for her brother's well-being got the better of her. How he would love to be at the receiving end of such worry if it came from her. But it can never be. And Daniel saw the longing from his eyes even with his intoxicated self.

He pity his friend. It makes him somber to know that even with clear reciprocation of the love he has for the woman, he cannot act upon such feelings with how his situation is looking. Daniel knows that Max is a just fool. He will never jeopardize others happiness for his. He is a taken man and it further solidified the truthfulness of the situation as his girlfriend,Kelly, walked out the club's door and towards the Dutch. She latch herself to him, marking her territory and making a statement that he is hers.

And as Daniel looked at Y/n, pain was also present in the Albon woman's eyes as she had it trained on the hands that held Max. Envy was a feeling she hated but it overpowered everything in that moment. She hated herself for feeling such. She already crossed the line when she agreed to come outside - though nothing major happened, but she felt herself go greedy for him. She felt disgusted at the thought that came around. How low of her to have feelings for a man taken and has been responsible for a beautiful growing child.

Y/n will not be wicked as to strip Penelope of a father figure. She will take the bitter pill for life just to ensure the child is growing in an environment with peace and love.

" Let's get you back, Al." was all she said without so much as looking back at him.

' Look at me.'

Y/n was unable to see the desperate look on Max as he followed her figure. If only she had turned to look, just once, she would have seen the depths of the feelings he had and the realization that was evident in his eyes. Maybe they could act on the feelings they try so hard to hide, but there was no chance at all. Not for them. Not at this time. Even with the confession that was laid bare, both Y/n and Max could not find it in themselves relief. Everything was weighing them down and neither know how to proceed from this. Maybe it was for the best. Maybe they are passing character in each other's stories, but it still hurts. Because they both know the truth, they love each other so much that they wil take the hurt themselves so others can be happy. And Y/n smiled bitterly at the thought, unaware of the look her brother gave her.

Indeed it was true, loving him hurts just as equally as he loves her.

"I've heard of a love that comes once in a lifetime."

What would you do when you lost the very person that stood beside you all throughout everything? When things became shitty and the world seems to grapple you into failure anytime it gets.

Charles Leclerc was lost. The world seems to spin in black and white - toying with him as it continue its motion. The he now found no real happiness in the times where a smile and laugh should be there. He's a way into the dark and cannot find a light to guide him back.

He was no fool to not know when it all started - when everything came crashing down; and when he felt drowned. Who was he to forget when almost everyone that witness their story has yet to let go, and when everything reminded him of her. That beyond the talks of Formula 1, people still whisper of her name, the kindness, the warmth, and being the iconic woman that she is.

Everything's still etched in his memories. 2019 was a year where his hard work has paid off - all the sweat and tears poured in order to win on that fateful day was worth it. But it was her who made it all complete. Y/n L/n did not only cry for him as his car blazed along the finish line, she cheered for him loudly, repeating his name again and again as she jump in exhilaration. She yelled the words " He did it", "He's a race winner", and " He won, my Charles won". She ran towards parc ferme alongside his team exuberating elation and pride as he triumph. And as he exit his car, he ran towards them, hugging his team with her in it as they bask in his glory. But it was not the highlight of his win, it was when she guide his face-covered helmet toward her and kissed the place where his lips would be. They stood there, envelop in a bubble, as the circuit cheered for him. All Charles felt at that time was the pure burst of love he has for Y/n. He relish in the feel of her touch as her hands found their place on either side of his neck. It was not visible to others but Y/n saw the tears that ran down his cheeks as he stood victorious on that day's race. His eyes spoke volumes of what his quivering lips cannot and she smiled for him, understanding what he would like to convey.

" You're a race winner, Char. I am so proud of you." she whispered amongst the loud cheers but Charles heard her, causing his smile to widen.

" Thanks to you. I am here because you're with me. So, thank you for sticking by my side." he uttered though muffled by his racing helmet but, Y/n did not mind. She'll hear every single words coming from him as she finds his voice a cacophony of melody that somehow lulls her soul to calm.

" Go up there, Champ. Claim that top step." she urged as someone called Charles to the cool down room.

The hesitation was evident on those forest green orbs of his as he cling on her - hands tightly holding her in place. Gripping her waist and settling his face in the crook of her neck like his life depended on it. Y/n chuckled before she kissed the forehead of his helmet.

" I'll stay here so you can see me. You'll hear my voice cheering for you from that top step. Now go. You still have a trophy to get."

Reluctantly Charles let go as the determination in her eyes says everything. He walked backwards toward the room, eyes staring deep into hers as their distance widen. Even when the congratulatory pats and cheers echoed around him, his eyes never stray as he mouthed his declaration of love which she smiled at - his antics never failing to amuse her, before a fond look settled in her feature, answering him with utmost honesty and love.

' And I love you.'

It was after the celebrations that he was made aware of how proud and happy Y/n is of him winning. His teammates had teased him all throughout the night of how lucky he was. That no other driver has their woman jumping and cheering so loud that it can be heard from the grandstand. Charles can only smile and laugh to their stories but it was when Arthur showed him a video of Y/n hyping up and jumping inside his garage as he neared the finish line that he placed credit to the truthfulness of his teams statement. He truly is lucky to have her. And seeing how she is with everyone, doubled the love he has for the woman. He believed in God but is not one to pray. However, in that moment as he watched her walk towards him, an endearing smile set on her lips, he prayed that she'll stay beside him, always.

As he raced in his home circuit for the 6th time, it was her face that he sees. The conversations that they had before echoed in his mind as he pushed the car to its limit. To every turn, memories of her came and when he speed past the finish line, he saw her jumping proudly for him as her hands waved in the air knowing that he triumph not only in any race but in his home race. He exit his car and a wild smile showed as he raised his arms, further solidifying that he indeed won. He ran to his team clad in red and that is when his smile fell.

No longer was there a woman waiting beyond the barrier shouting his name and yelling as she proudly relish in his victory. No longer was there a kiss on his helmet nor the familiar warmth that came only with her. His first win in his home country did not taste as sweet as he had imagined before. Try as it may, she no longer stand beside him. A new figure occupied her space and no matter what he reasoned himself, he envy her. It is Y/n's rightful place, always has, always will be. But what is he to do?

The kiss he earned that day felt bitter as much as he would like to love it.

Charles indeed was right when he said he was stupid. Because looking at the now, he wish more than anything to once again hear her proudly cheer his name, see her jumping and exude happiness upon seeing him. He would of given anything just to get her back and see her with him as he came as the victor but, it has already been lost. That even attempting to follow her and get her back would prolly incur her wrath. Was it selfish to want her to be angry just so he could see and feel her again? Because he does not know what to do anymore. He had lost the woman he vowed to spend the rest of his life with. He had lost her. Lost her to death.

And as he stands on the top step that day, he let himself cry and crumble. With the country's anthem on the background, he remember his days with her. And as he raised the winner's trophy, his eyes did not linger on the people below, he stared through the sky hoping, praying that she can see him that day. It was a first that people of the world saw the vulnerability in Charles. Everyone know even without uttering anything. The win was for Herve and Jules but, it was Y/n's as well. It was hers and so much more.

Everyone realized, it may be that their love was fleeting but, it was a love of a lifetime. Hence, Charles will love her even when death parted them in this life. He'll continue loving her until they are together again. Because no matter what, she is for him as he is for her. Always.

" This is where I leave you."

People say that the hardest thing in love is seeing the love of your life happy with another. They're not so wrong. However, they also failed to tell others that leaving the very person that has became your world, the very air you breath, and the reason for sunshine in the morning is painstakingly arduous and painful.

If only she was given a heads-up, she would have held on tightly as the foundation of their love crumble as every season pass.

Y/n L/n did not know when everything started to change. When the colors so vivid started to dim and the love as red as his dream car faded. She can still remember the very first time she held his hand, the first hugs, kiss, and the first of everything. She and Charles loved each other as if the love they have is the only right thing there is. Maybe it is at one point. Because looking back, she came to realize that she had become a liability to him.

As Charles Leclerc continue to soar in the world of racing, Y/n felt that she has been holding him down - stopping him from reaching his true potential. They are two worlds completely differing each other. As he stands and bask in the spotlight, she found peace in the shadows. They walk in fame and peace, separately, and that's when the support she had been giving was not enough, no more. That even when their love clings on to the hope that this can be overcome just like the other times it did, it seemed that their love has its limit. From the whispers of people to the unending hungry stares of women wanting a piece of him, as though he is a prize in a game, caused cracks in their hardened relationship that stood proudly with time.

Y/n loved him too much that she stood by him. Through the ups and downs, the laughter and tears, and to the most painful of times. She was beside him when Jules passed; she became his rock and comfort. Even that was not enough for the world is cruel. It did not give their love time to blossom beautifully, it withered and died unwittingly.

Now, 6 years later, everything has changed so as everyone. But it seemed he did not. Looking as the blazing red car seamlessly turn and sped off to the finish line, proved her theory. His dream still stand firm and she was grateful she was there to witness as he stands victorious in his home race. Maybe everything did not change, because if it is, then it wouldn't hurt this much. The memories of the past still fresh in her mind - his tear stained face, the broken sobs and the tight arms that envelop her, haunted her for years and it was at this moment that she felt its full force. A wave of nausea hit her as she stands looking up at her past love. She could no longer stop the tears as she sobbed and held her chest as he proudly give honor to Jules and Herve above.

'He did it Jules, Herve. He conquered Monaco and they love him back.'

Hence, she turned her back one last time. Just like she did all those years ago. How she broke his heart and left him to pick up the pieces. But leaving him today hurts so much more as she made peace with the truth. This will be the end of their story. Every step away from him tore her further as finally she lets go of the past, of him.

"How can you be so selfish?"

Y/n stood stuck as the ever familiar voice laced with a thick accent reverberated in her ears. It couldn't be right?

"How dare you come here and leave again." It was no question as his voice is laced with venom.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." was the only thing that came to y/n's lips as her hands found comfort in them. She cannot face him. Could not. Would not.

"Did you really think it was that easy. Do you take me as a fool to just forgive you?" Charles growled as he view the figure of the woman he had loved in the past.

"Look at me and tell me why you did it." he yelled as he felt his heart constrict.

Charles Leclerc thought that he was over the past. That he had buried everything to the deepest parts of his memories. That he had already forgotten the shape of her face, her infectious smile, and everything good about her. How selfish can she be coming today and showing her face to him like nothing happened? How dare she cry as he triumph? How dare his heart skip a beat upon seeing her.

The man that he became is someone he does not even recognize. The podiums, the wins, the praises, everything felt like a buzz in his ears. He could not feel himself again. Upon picking up the pieces of him that was left after her ruthless goodbye, he has learned to close his heart. Every relationship after her was for a naught when every peaceful nights, her face is the one he sees as was every waking dawn. He tried to move on, to forget everything about her but it was hard. So hard that no matter the pain she gave, his heart still beats for her only.

And seeing her today, just proved it. He did not care about the win at all, he knows that he made his father and godfather proud. It was because of them that he was able to race but, it was she that became his driving force to continue. And when she left, the world stopped.

"Look at me." he pressed as he held his anger. Afraid that he would lash out in front of millions.

But he did not care. He wanted to know what happened. Why she left as if he was no more than a stranger. He give no mind to the eyes that follow his and her every move. To all the rumors and backlash be damned. He needed this after all this years.

Slowly but surely, he found his forest colored orbs trained to the eyes that held warmth from before. He was now met with the face of the person he had laid his heart to.

" Charlie, I'm so sorry..."

" Don't!... don't call me that. You have no right."

" Brother, not here. Please." Arthur begged as he held his older brother. Reminding him that all of Monaco has their eyes trained on them, that the camera has panned to their stature when Charles ran down the podium after the anthem was over. The festive circuit has quieten, nervously awaiting the scene to unfold. People of the world are waiting as the race was aired live.

" No. I need to know, 'Tur." Charles, ever stubborn, state as he stepped closer to Y/n, causing the woman to panic further.

" Arthur's right. Not here, please." Y/n stuttered as she felt every eyes on her frame. Mocking and judging her.

" What do you know about what's right. You left remember. You left me to die. You're. selfish."

" Stop. Please..."

" No! Not until you tell me why you did it."

"Just stop. Please stop."

" Then tell me!"

" I was scared!" Y/n yelled as the tears streamed unending. She has finally done it. If this is the last time, then let it be done with.

" After Jules' death, I came to realize that it could happen to you anytime. No matter how careful you are, there is no guarantee that you would come out unscathed. Every time you drive that car, I pray to God, to every force that is listening to protect you because I cant!"

" When Jules was on his deathbed, no one but me and your family saw how you seem to die with him. Yes, I vowed to be with you always. But if being with you meant that every second of every season you race meant death is upon you, how can I have the strength to be strong and be able to stay."

Charles was left dumbfounded. He did not know. Why didn't you tell him. He would have understood. He was ready to give up everything for her, even the sport he loves.

"I can't have you give up racing because of me. I don't want you to resent me in the long run. If breaking both our hearts mean you'll be able to race and win, then it was worth it." Y/n finished as she hung her head low.

She has finally said it. All those years of torment, of heartache, of everyday wanting to go back and apologize was not for nothing. Both of them can finally move on as the truth was laid bare for everyone to see.

" How..." Charles started, not knowing what to say. The anger that made home to his heart was easily melted by knowing the truth. If only he had known, he would have never stopped looking for her, never stopped trying to win her again.

What was the point of this 'what if's' now that she has clearly moved on. But he is not Charles Marc Herve Perceval Leclerc for nothing. No matter what, he'll try and try up until he triumph. Hence, he steeled himself, ready for what was to come next.

"Why are you worrying of the things that has yet to happen?" he started moving much closer to the woman he has always love.

" Please, don't do that. Just because of what happened before does not mean that it will happen now."

" You can never guarantee that. I cannot have y-"

" Y/n, look at me." Charles softly cradled her face, wiping the unending tears and soothing the chaos that is her mind.

" The things that has yet to happen does not dictate for us to lose hope. To be broken and sad. Why can't we worry about it when it happens? We'll worry about it when it comes. We'll cry when we're there. "

" No, Charles. Listen to me. You will never understand this even when you know everything. It will never change anything. And I have no right to love you." All broken and judged, she laid it for him.

However, Charles pursued. He will never let her go again. Never. Even if she tried every way possible for her to hurt him, he'll stay. Now more than ever.

" Why do you need the right to love me? I will say this once and for all, it's okay. So love me like you did before...or so much more." he reiterated as his forehead kissed hers. He closed his eyes, savoring the warmth that emanated from her.

" You do not have to worry about what happened before happening again. I will stay by your side until you beg me not to. I have loved you before, right now and always. So please stay." he pleaded for the world to see.

But he did not care. He only cared for her, for Y/n. Because after all this time, he never forgot. His heart has always yearned for her just like how it beats for her alone. And it burst with love for the woman before him as he gaze onto her eyes. He saw everything there. Everything that she cannot put into words. And who was he to not seal it, again. Hence, he kissed the life out of her. The years of longing, hatred and guilt poured into that one kiss as the world cheered for them.

The flashes of cameras and the deafening cheer echoed in the street of his home as his love is back. He made thanks to the God he had never believed and the string that has yet to snap. Indeed it was true, ' the string may bend and tangle, but it will never break.' That the years apart was no punishment but, a way for them to grow - to see things clearly, to look back and learn that what happened was worth it. Yes, it did break them but, it also taught them that a relationship is partnership, that it really does take two to tango.

But then again, they were but humans, the two of them. Faulty but faithful. Hence, they'll hold tightly this time - never letting go, and remembering the start. Because Pascale was right, we only regret the chances we didn't take.

" I do not want you to need me. I want you to love me."

How can the love that one fought for years crumble to dust from a single person that was from the past?

Was a question she had asked herself for a while now as she views Monaco in all its glory. The setting sun beyond the horizon served as a reminder how cold his love had gone. The blazing red of love was no longer there no matter how hard she searched for it. All that can be found are the debris of a broken marriage that was unable to stand the fury of time.

It all started with one call. The quiet night was broken from the blaring sound of Charles' phone. It startled the sleeping woman tangled in limbs with her husband. Her hands searched for the damn device and swiped the screen to answer the incoming call without noting the name on the screen.

" Charles?" a slurring voice came on the other line.

Y/n was stumped in her place as she recognize the voice from the other line. It was no mistaking it. Charles greatest love is on the other line. The woman that came before her. The woman that has her husband crumbling from years before. The same woman that she helped to get him over with. Y/n was unable to even make a sound. She did not know what to respond. It had been years already. So much has happened that she almost forgotten about her. She took a glimpse of her sleeping husband and all that had occurred from before replayed from her mind. Fury and sympathy surged her heart as she caress her husbands cheeks. However, she grounded herself from the hands that held her waist before responding to Charlotte.

" I'm sorry, Charlotte. Charles is sleeping right now. May I know what this is about?'

No response was heard for a few minutes and the world seemed to darkened more as those minutes stretched. Y/n mindlessly ruffle her husbands hair as the nerves came. The pain of having no idea of why she called caused anxiety to grip her heart. The years had already passed and Charlotte's name never came from their lips upon those years and now that it is, Y/n felt her heart constrict.

" Charlotte, are you okay? Do you need help?" Y/n questions as she heard sniffles from the other line yet, no answer still.

It worried the woman as something could have happened. She stood from the bed and walked over to the balcony to not wake her husband. However, the absence of warmth and his wife's frame from his hands woke the sleeping driver.

" Is everything alright, amour?" Charles' groggy voice sounded in the room which caught the attention of his wife from the phone.

The sleepy driver made way to her. Finding his hands spot on her waist as he kissed her shoulders softly, not noticing the rectangular device placed on her ear.

" Yes. Everything is fine, love." She muttered as she caress the hands on her waist.

But is it?

" You should go back to sleep. You still need to wake up early tomorrow."

" Not without you." the man grumbles. Annoyed to be woken up from his blissful sleep.

That was when Charles noticed his phone from his wife's hand. Clearly on a call from what he can see on the screen. He did not hesitate to take it and without regard turned off the phone after informing someone from the other line how they disturbed a peaceful evening. Y/n chastised her husband for the rude remark but Charles did not mind one bit and proceeded to carry her back to the comfort of their bed. The night continued blissful. The worries that Y/n had was erased from a simple hug of Charles. She thought that maybe it was nothing, maybe she is just putting more thought on it than necessary.

However, all that was thrown out of the window when another call was received a few weeks later. Charles was able to answer it and was in a rush after a few minutes. Only telling her that it was nothing important and to continue to sleep. She shrugged it off because if it was really important, Charles will tell her himself.

The same occurrence happened after. It was with Pierre that she knew her husband is with his ex one time. It also did not stop there as Arthur informed her of how Charlotte was there when they played paddle. The same things happened again and it has already been a few months since then.

Y/n and Charles had their talk about the situation. Charles assured her that it was nothing. Charlotte was going through a tough time right now and she needs someone. They almost had a fight that night but Y/n still remained understanding. Charles as well assured her that she is Mrs. Leclerc and nothing can change that. She is the only woman that he loves. Now and always.

Lunch with Pascale and Enzo was blissful however, the happening of the past months still bug Y/n. Her mind struggles to silence the growing anxiety and the depths of her doubts. She trust Charles but she does not like the situation, not one bit.

" Is everything alright, dear?" Pascale queries as she saw how conflicted her daughter had become.

" Huh?... Oh, everything's okay, Maman. Just thinking."

" If the thing that keeps you occupied really bothers you this lot. You know you can tell us, right?" Enzo interjects as his sister-in-law showed a character so beguiling.

But was it alright to tell them of what occurred. They have been in the company of Charlotte before. They know her and people around talked about how kind of a person she is. People had question how she and Charles were not the ones married. It hurts of course, but the assurance, acceptance and love that Charles and his family showed could not measure the pain of their talks. Hence, Y/n went to tell them of what has been happening to the lingering questions after.

Pascale understood her concern. So much has happened and it was because of the very woman in front of her that her son is happy and content today. She could not so much as invalidate what she felt of the situation. She knows how much it is for Y/n, but one thing is for sure, Charles is deeply enamored with his wife and will do everything in his power to silence her doubts.

" Did you talk with Charles about this?" Enzo ensure that his brother was aware of the silent battles his wife is in.

" We did."

" And?" the adult persuades her to continue.

" I told him I understand. That I support him. But sometimes it's exhausting. I do not want to compete with her that sometimes I just let myself believe he's with me because he loves me, for me, and not cause he needs me."

" Am I selfish to want my husband for myself only?" Y/n grimaces from her question as she can hear herself grow greedy. It was exhausting to be at the receiving end of pain but she takes it all with ease. Yet, how long must this be?

" No. You're not." Pascale assured with conviction as she stare at the woman before her..

This woman has been through a lot for the past months yet, she handled the situation with a smile. Even with the knowledge of how her son love Y/n, Charles sometimes makes decision that would spiral back to him - hurting people in the process.

" I'm so sorry for what has been happening but, always remember that you have us. Charlotte is his past, you are his present, his wife, my daughter and nothing can change that. I will not tolerate it if Charles has hurt, okay? Come to us for anything and we'll be there. You are a Leclerc after all." The older woman smiled as she hug her daughter.

" I will straighten out my brother for you, Lil sis. Just say the word. Anytime." Enzo jokes, diffusing the depressing aura that envelop the room.

The day went on as they, for the moment, forget the pain of the past. Simply enjoying the time with family. Y/n will worry later, right now, she would spend time with the Leclerc family - her family.

It was almost 8 in the evening when Y/n went home after a full afternoon with Pascale and Enzo, Arthur joining after when he was home. She walk the familiar hallway to their apartment determined to talk Charles. Her mind was cleared with the assurance of his family. She also remembered the promised they did after they were married: 'Keep no secrets from each other.' With this, she opened the door with a smile. A greeting at the end of her tongue but was wiped by the view on the couch.

" Charles." an exasperated call as her mind refused to utter any words.

The eyes that held love for him, dimmed as the tears threatened to fall. Charles has fucked up. Big time. And he cannot bear to leave his wife, thinking of hideous things when in fact nothing has happened.

"Y/n, this is not what you think this is. Look at..." Charles tried to explain however, his wife has already made way to their bedroom.

The tears fell and a strangled noise made way from Y/n's lips. Her heart constricted - not wanting to believe what had been seen but, it was as clear as day. A drunk Charlotte was in the arms of her husband in their couch, their living room, their house. How can she manage to deny it now. How can she try to reason with herself that Charles loves her and only her.

" Love, look at me. Please." he pleaded as he tried to make way to her.

" Do you love her?"

The question stunned Charles. He could not seem to comprehend where it is coming from. Was everyday that they are together, waking up and sleeping with each not enough to show that he does love her?

" All those times you said that what happened between you two was nothing. That you cannot forgive her for what she did before. Was it all a lie? Did you ever love me, Charles?" a broken plea it was.

" Y/n, just hear me out okay. All those times, Charlotte just needed my help. It does not mean anything okay? You're my wife. She is from the past and no longer has a place in the present."

Does she really? Because looking at now, she can be seen from every angle of their lives. She started occupying a space in their marriage and she have it broken. Hence, she sputtered something totally incomprehensible.

" If she really is then make your choice."

Silenced stretched in the four-cornered space as the suggestion hangs in the air. It echoed in Charles' ears as it hurt for Y/n to ask. However, it must be said and done with. She could no longer play this games with her husband and his ex. It was time to face whatever it is that is happening in their lives. Because the longer this happens, she'll finally be torn apart.

" I cannot continue to share your love, Charles. I will not. So choose now. Charlotte or me?"

No matter how much it hurts to have the man you love make a choice between his ex and his wife, it does not equate to the pain one would go through just seeing the past still taking ahold of the now.

" Amour, please don't do this. You know I need you." Charles held onto her arm as he tried to deescalate the situation however, his sentence further tore her heart to pieces.

" Charles, I don't want you to need me. I want you to love me!" His wife yelled. Unable to contain how broken she has been for this past months.

How the smiles and laughter are but deceitful faces she shows to him. That no matter how much she understands her husband, she is but human that feels jealousy. It is not easy to compete with the greatest love when you are unsure what title you bear.

" Of course I love you! I love you so much that it sometimes hurt. I would do anything for you if you so wish, do you understand? I would leave everything behind for you just as much as I would give you everything you desire. I need you because I'll die without you. You are the air that I breath. You are everything to me." Charles explained as his hands found its place to her cheeks.

His closed lids and trembling form speaks volume of how this situation tore him apart. The very woman he worshipped has felt that she was not loved and it was all his fault. He made her feel this way. How horrible he was.

" I really do love you. So please...stay." the ever confident Charles pleaded.

Y/n was left to stand as the man she promised to God and the world to love was crumbling in front of her. She did this to him and it was so painful to hear the sobs that racked from her love. Hence, she gripped the hands holding her, tightly, as she placed her lips onto his. She put everything in the kiss. Words that were left unsaid, the apology, the doubts, insecurities and beyond it the love she has for him. They left the world to crumble behind them as they relish unto the moment with each other. They left the past behind closed door. Never to be opened again.

Maybe their marriage cannot stand the challenges of time but, their love does. And it was all they need.

"Loving you is beautiful, it's killing me."

They say the universe works in mysterious. That everything is planned in accordance to a higher force that allows one to experience the glory and loss of life . However, over generations, people was taught to live life to the fullest. To make decisions that would benefit the person, to not look back to the past; to keep moving forward up until the taste of glory from the finish line is in reach.

But, was it so bad to linger in the past when the present offers monsters one cannot fight?

Because if so, Y/n L/n is guilty of such crime.

She often think of the past and the overwhelming feeling of changing something to help her navigate to the right path. A path that would allow her heart to not fall for the one person she deemed far beyond her. If there was some higher power in charge, she would wish to have never been friends with him, Charles Leclerc.

Formula 1 driver for Scuderia Ferrari, Il Predistinato himself, the Golden Boy, the one and only Lord Perceval, the charming, enegmatic, kind, dedicated, brave, loyal and most of all, her very important friend, Charles.

But was it alright to keep such title when her heart has betrayed her from long ago? When the fact of seeing a glimpse from him causes her lips to curve into a smile and for her heart to burst - wanting to be free from its cage.

And as she stands from the sideline, watching as her friend get ready for the awaited race of the year for the people of Monaco, Y/n realizes that the love she has for Charles carries pain beyond the beauty it brings.

The day he dated Charlotte, was the day she knew the burst of love she has for him. And as they continued to spend time together, she saw the happiness that is constant whenever Charlotte is within radius. It was an eye opener for years on end, but she evaded the signs. She denied the warnings as though they were but dust in her shoes. Yet now, now that she watches how his eyes glowed with both love and adoration, she knew that the game has ended. But how can it be when there was no competition at all?

Heartbreaking the truth can be, it still tore the heart that longs for a love being displayed at front. Y/n will never be able to deny it, Alexandra is such a beautiful soul. She has everything that the driver would want. Intelligent, kind, understanding, and she is a beauty to behold. She might have one or two of the things that Charles' girlfriend is but she is not her, and will never be.

Nevertheless, beyond the pain it brought, she held her ground and smiled as Charles made way to her.

" Everything is going to be alright. You're gonna stand on top of the podium today while all of Monaco cheers for you." Y/n stated as she saw how his eyes dimmed its shine from the wreck of which anxiety has taken hold of him.

Charles does not need to say anything. Y/n knew him like the back of her hand and she had always believed that one of these days, Monaco will finally give the love that he deserves.

" Thank you." Was all Charles said upon hugging the woman that has always been by his side.

Through the ups and down, she was there. Not on the spotlight, but a constant reminder that he will never be alone. A shadow that brings comfort in him, knowing that someone firmly believes that he can be champion one day. And he is grateful for her.

" Always." She whispered like a silent prayer.

And it goes like that during the agonizing race. Even when Charles was leading and able to maintain a large gap, Y/n couldn't find it in herself to celebrate yet. The dread was still there from the past races where the very circuit he love seemed to curse him to fail ang grovel. Even when there were only two laps left, Y/n gasp out a breath as she felt the anxiety, excitement, and pain combined accelerate her beating heart.

When the checkered flag was waved, when the cheers echoed from the streets of Monaco, when she saw the blazing red marked with a number she knew all too well printed on it, Y/n's heart stopped, literally, that she clung to her chest as she kept on gasping for much needed air.

If anything, she would have been on the floor, unconscious, if not from the bone-crushing hug of Pascale and the Leclerc brothers. Y/n may not have heard it clearly when they spoke, but she know how proud Charles' mother and brothers are. From the trembling hands that envelop her, the wide smiles and red-rimmed orbs of his brothers to the break from the adult's sentence, she knew it, surely. Apart from this, she heard it, loud and clear, as Monaco finally love Charles back. She felt it in her body as the electrifying taste of glory overcame the once cursed circuit - the circuit that witnessed and mocked Charles to be a failure.

Y/n is standing to the dream envisioned by a pair of friends from long ago. The past motioned from her eyes as she saw the small figure of a child dreaming to one day conquer the very streets that he walks all his life. She saw how his eyes sparkled and a smile to form from his face. She always believed in it. All throughout the years, for every season that the driver has to race in his home circuit, Y/n would picture the Monaco flag waving, a sea of red and white celebrating the win from the only Monegasque driver and a logo of a prancing horse moving from how the wind kissed its flag.

Finally, it happened. She saw Charles standing atop his car, hands up above as he bask in the celebration of his win. Even with how blurry her orbs had gone from the tears she did not knew came, she still saw from his face covered in helmet, the redness from his own eyes clearly from crying, yet beyond it is the inexplicable surge of happiness.

Everyone ran closer to their dearest driver, they chanted his name; further solidifying the fact that he is loved by his home, by his people, and by everyone who believed he could do it. And when joy was hard to keep, Charles ran towards his team, praising him for making history. He also hugged Arthur, Enzo and friends, ran to his girlfriend, Alex, and kissed the life out of her. He showed the world the most important people in his life that contributed to his win. At last, he bathed in the triumph and praise.

All the while, Y/n stood stuck from her place with Pascale. Looking intently at her after the showcase of love her son displayed to the world for his girlfriend. The adult saw how the smile, tears, and happiness of before was washed by pain from that simple display of affection. She was no brainier to not see how the younger woman looks at her son. How simple gestures from Charles causes red to stain her cheeks. And from years of being a mother figure to Y/n, Pascale admired and pity the situation the younger woman is in. How can a person love so much and be killed from such love is truly unacceptable.

" Aren't you gonna go and congratulate him?" Pascale asked as she side hugged the younger woman.

" Maybe later, Maman. There's still so many people that wants to have a moment of his time and congratulate him. It will not hurt anyone if I give way, right." Y/n replied to her mother figure.

" But he'll be happy if you would do it now. You're the most important person to him."

" I doubt that. I'm no more than a friend to him and I see nothing wrong with it." Y/n muttered. Trying to convince Pascale and herself of such truth. But the older woman knew. If it was easy to see it from Y/n, how difficult was it to see how her son felt for his closest friend. The woman that has always been constant in his life. When every girlfriends of his come and go, when his career becomes suffocating, and when everything seems to crush him, Y/n was always there to be a leaning shoulder, a helping hand, and the person he's able to find comfort in.

However, no one can deny the fact that she really is just a close friend of the famous driver. She is not his girlfriend that can openly show to the whole world how loved he is. Hence, the ceremony continued at its peak. Charles stands on the top podium - the Monaco flag drape upon his shoulder, face red from undeniable relief and tears, whilst he proudly sing his nations anthem.

Y/n bear witness of this monumental moment. She stands below and in the comfort of Pascale and everything dawn on her. The win, the celebration, the smile, the cheers, the anthem, the flag, and the pain that swims depths in her core, yet she smiled.