Binged Today Because I'm Going Away For Uni Soon. Let's Hope I Can Get Back To Eating Less When I'm There.

binged today because I'm going away for uni soon. Let's hope i can get back to eating less when I'm there. if you have any tips on how to not die ⭐ving in summers please tell me 🎀🌷

why does nobody ever believe me when i say that i fucked up?

the thing is. that i know what the problem is. grew up as the eldest daughter, the smart child, the mature child. read books as a way of escapism and got branded as the perfect, quiet, non-problematic, holds-the-family's-expectations child. grew a fear of failure so big that it's suffocating me all the time.

so people never saw me fail. i've fucked up more times than i can count and more times than i care to count. but people never saw.

because i'm so terrified of failure that at the last second i pulled myself together, i lied, i was the best actor and diplomat you have ever seen, i didn't sleep to make the deadline, i crammed until my head hurt and i couldn't see the pages through my tears and i made it.

every single time. i made it.

but i also told people that i fucked up. because i can't deal with emotions (never learned how to) so i whine to people while i procrastinate and fuck up and they start expecting the worst and then.

the last moment comes.

i fake it and i make it and they laugh at my worry and say "you always panic over nothing. never seen you fail, you never will."

and i just shrug and laugh and make a joke about it because if i'm in on it then it doesn't hurt as much. right?

my mom is mad at me cause she made dinner BUT CAN SOMEONE TELL HER I CANNOT EAT

don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat don’t eat

don’t eat.

As it was is all about yearning. it's about trying to catch up with everything, but failing . it's about coming to terms with the fact that things will never stay the same. it's about feeling like everyone's getting ahead of you while you're stuck stuck . it's about running away and to something. it's about wanting something everything anything too much. but then. it's about a burst of colours . it's about that feeling of acceptance. that feeling of freedom. it's about coming to terms with, and realising that you're happy where you are. it's about accepting that because you're happy, you can jump, you're free. you can dance and jive and just live.

“why are you such a picky eater?”

lol bro i’m not gonna waste calories on food i might not even like get your head out of your ass

i am tired. i am exhausted. from my head to my soul to my bones i am so fucking tired.