Azure Lion: Honestly, Why Are The People Of Today Are So Obsessed With This Top Or Bottom Thing? Why

Azure Lion: Honestly, why are the people of today are so obsessed with this “top” or “bottom” thing? Why can’t they just be appreciative of the fact that they have a bunk bed?

Macaque:

Lady Bone Demon:

Macaque: I’m gonna tell him.

Lady Bone Demon: Don’t you dare.

I made up a Backstory for Lady Bone Demon

I think we all knew I would get to this point some day.

In Jttw, demons are typically animals brought back as demons, for example the Black Wind Demon, a bear. As a human skeleton demon, it’s incredibly likely that LBD was a human before she came back as a demon.

With this in mind, how did she die? LBD despises war, pain and famine of all kind, so I assume she might have died on a war front and, while I don’t think she retained memories from her life as a human, she still subconsciously hated wars.

Her body when she was the ivory lady was probably her own body, which she woke up inside of because it’s technically her corpse. The demon itself is within her skeleton, but that doesn’t mean her old body can’t be an accessory 🥳 fashion first, get ya look right

She just randomly woke up on one of those carts with all the corpses on it and was hella confused

So I feel like as a demon, she kind of became some Good Samaritan, since she looked human everyone was just cool with it. She was a seamstress and you can’t convince me otherwise. She would fashion clothes for the homeless and give fruits to travelers coming through whichever town she found herself in.

I mean she’s a little older than SWK at this point I feel like, she’s doing nice things to hold onto her sanity at the sight of the world crumbling and rebuilding itself again and again and again in a ruthless cycle 🧡

In JTTW, she was 110% just trying to poison Tripitaka and the gang so that she could eat him, but I need something to reinforce her hatred and lack of faith in the world so we’re switching that up a little.

She’s just doing her thing, giving fruits and vegetables from her garden (bc she has a damn garden. She’s giving garden.) to every traveler passing by and the monk and the boys happen to be one of them.

At this point she’s grateful to them because what they’re doing could help end a lot of conflicts and she doesn’t like conflicts 🥰

Wukong recognizes her as a demon and kind of misunderstands, thinking she’s trying to poison them.

So yeah he responds with violence.

Yeah so that was how she discovered she could take her mfing skin off when she had to wiggle out of it to save herself from being pummeled into bone cartilage

you best believe SWK got his ass kicked out of the group for beating up some random ass lady who he absolutely convinced was trying to kill them 💀

but dw they let him back in when they needed protection from the yellow something demon

They buried her damn corpse so she had to go underground to get back inside it, and then dig her way out of the grave.

And the night after all that is the first time she has ✨ the dream ✨

Where she sees herself destroying the world.

She brushes that off as just a nightmare yet, but then she starts having different bad dreams, of things like plagues and wars and you know… people dying

And damn, those start COMING TRUE??

She tries her best to change them, but nothings working??

Ooh, here’s an idea! What if she becomes and advisor and guides their emperor into being a better person?

HOO BOY DOES THAT MAKE THINGS WORSE

The emperor is the worst, why 💀 She becomes besties with the mayor, at the point the war chief, who the emperor just loves to overwork the hell out of

And she’s constantly getting precognitive dreams and changing them has proven to be impossible so that sucks

And I feel like she’s just on the last threads of her sanity when that one dream she had where she destroyed says “hey what if you just killed them all” in her sleep

And then BOOM

They’re in the middle of a crisis the very next day. She’s 100% prepared to ignore that dream because she’s still in the “the future is what you make it” phase but then as she’s talking to the emperor about handing the crisis, just imagine him doing the cruelest possible thing in that situation and that’s what he did bc i can’t think of anything

And that’s it, that is IT

This goofy mf is dead. His ass is grass.

And then she’s like “y’know what. I have tried to fix the world and these dreams have just been constantly telling me that it can’t be fixed. Let’s torch the earth, screw the environment”

But then Tripitaka and the boys come together to stop her 😒

So she peeps Macaque’s decaying corpse and decides he has some potential

SHE WAS WRONG

I assume in that box, her destiny talk was just her way of not losing her shit trying to get out

“Yup, this is all for destiny. I’ma get out of her one day, I’m a survivor, I’m not gon give up”

Every second spent being pissed at Macaque’s goofy ass

I imagine she was super nice to him fr, she was looking for FRIENDS but his trust issues really said “stop ✋🏽 You violated the law”

Presumably, her body rotted away when she was locked up because she was IN IT when she was first imprisoned, but when she was freed there was nothing but bones?? 🤨

And now she’s gotten free and

She is not very happy 🧡

because like Tripitaka said “I’m locking you up until you learn the error of your ways” because he saw that her intentions were good, but like

you know damn well he wasn’t actually gonna free her. There would have been better ways of changing her mind then locking her away and you know it 💀

what were you gonna do fr fr just show up every now and again to check on her and then leave like “Oop, nope, you haven’t learned your lesson looks like you need a little more time in your box, I’ll be back in fifty years, don’t go anywhere now teehee 🤭”

🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾🖕🏾

Azure Lion: It’s impossible to make a sentence without the letter “a”.

Lady Bone Demon: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form sentences without the use of the first letter of the English lexicon. Here is one more to further disprove your theory.

Macaque: F**k you.

Pantheon AU things, Part II

You know what I noticed about the og show?

THAT THE VILLAINS WERE SUPER OVERHYPED AND UNDERUSED.

I’m talking specifically about Lady Bone Demon and Macaque. My babies were some of the most badass characters in their first run, but then you’re- you’re just gonna have them get WIPED LIKE A DIRTY TABLE

“The Samadhi Fire is the only way to defeat the Lady Bone Demon!” BABE WHAT

YOU JUST WENT STRAIGHT IN, NO PLAN, NO WEAPON, JUST WAS ABOUT TO STRAIGHT MURK HER

And don’t even get me started on macaque, like bro was such a good villain in his first two episodes, with all the needless theatrics only meant to screw with MK and all. But then in season 3 they’re like “oh no he’s actually not such a bad guy let’s make him way weaker than he was in his debut episode”

My guy has omnipotent control over shadows. He can sink into them with no problem. He can fly, and even if he couldn’t, he can turn into a bird.

Pray tell, HOW did he get knocked off into a freakin PITCH DARK HOLE, WHEN LITERALLY EVERYONE ELSE ON BOARD, WHO, MIND YOU WERE JUST ABOUT READY TO KNEEL OVER, WERE ABLE TO KEEP CATCH ONTO SOMETHING AND KEEP THEIR HOLD???

So yeah in the Pantheon AU (and the “AU where everything is exactly the same but the lady bone demon destroys everyone with facts and logic”) I would like to avoid ruining them like that.

SO YES, I will be using both LBD and Macaque to their full potential, they deserve it, Macaque was goated in season 1 and 2, season 3 macaque…. 😐

He’s nah

Azure Lion Demon, Lady Bone Demon and Macaque? About to be the ILLEST power trio. Watch out, Monkey King 😎

Also LBD, even without me crediting her in full is more powerful in this au bc she doesn’t have to worry about destroying her host’s body because she’s not using one, just her own body.

500 years later, after a lot of plotting and stealing power, Lady Bone Demon says that they can finally enact… the plan 😼

To draw the Monkey King out of hiding, Lady Bone Demon uses her brilliant gaslight gatekeep girlboss skills to manipulate the Demon Bull Family.

She uses her mystical levitation whiz or whatever that is to lift the staff bc I saw her do it like it wasn’t nothing once

And BOOM DBK is free and has an spooky advisor who is definitely plotting something, also becoming best friends with Princess Iron Fan because YES

AWE AND HER BEING A SASSY AUNT TO RED SON, OH NO I LOVE THEM

Ok change of plans because I’m a wimp Demon Bull Family joins the pantheon. Azure lion would like that anyway bc DBK used to be in gang.

except for red son who doesn’t want the world to blow up

Of course Azure Lion, Lady Bone Demon and Macaque are still the main trio 🥰

OOH FAMILY DRAMA I AM ON A ROLL

An Unnecessary Evil

Why are girls allowed to say girlfriend to refer to a platonic friend but boys can't say "this is my boytoy Twink male wife Jason?

another part of the Au “where everything is exactly the same but Lady Bone Demon destroys everyone with facts and logic”

“You’ve been busy.”

Appearing strong when weak was, what Macaque considered a key component when in a bad spot. His “brothers” always considered him the most cowardly among them. Usually, he would roll his eyes and snark that he was rather the most intelligent- able to keep a cool head. He’d need it.

“Tell me,” The Lady’s voice was boundlessly more undone- calm, yet accompanied by a second presence that echoed her words aloud. “What madness overcame you that you would forsake your oath?” She asked, the pitch of her tone dropped.

“When did you decide to betray me?”

The answer to that question was certainly nothing that the bone witch wanted to hear- that he had not a moment of hesitation in tossing her key to the side, not ever any intention of freeing her in the first place. What was he supposed to say? That it didn’t count because he crossed his fingers?

“Listen, Lady Bone Demo-” He started, with a casual tone and a smile laced with nonexistent nonchalance, but The Lady was in no mood to hear whatever seat-of-his-pants lie he was planning to give her.

Sharply, her eyes flickered open, a blue gleam enforcing her stony glare as the winds pushed him back. He had to cover his face, anchoring his foot down to the ground so that he wouldn’t be pushed back by the sheer force.

“Have you forgotten who I am?” Her voice was louder now, and clearer, no longer accompanied by the eerie whispering. “What I am?”

He clenched his teeth at the sound of her voice splitting into many at the last sentence, each one ringing in his six ears.

“Were my instructions, perhaps, unclear to you, Liu’er?” At the mention of his traditional name, he felt similar to a child who’s parent who just called them downstairs with their full name. A fight-or-flight instinct within him begged him to inch away into the shadows, but he knew all too well how that would end.

“Did I cause you pain during your resurrection? Or perhaps, you felt yourself above a task so unbelievably simple as freeing me from my prison tomb,” She said, staring down at him, before vanishing in a blur of blue, before reappearing in front of him, mere inches away from his face just as quickly. “In exchange for something so unbelievably meager as your soul!?”

Again, her voice seemed to contort, and this time, he really did step back, trying to get as far away from her as he could. He stumbled backwards, bumping into the chest of the lady’s puppet, who sent him a wide, unnerving smile that reminded Macaque of a young child amused at a sibling or classmate getting in trouble.

He placed his hand on Macaque’s back, shoving him forward with surprising strength. The wind was knocked out of him for a moment, but he mustered a confident smirk, looking up at the bone demon, who stood before him, arms folded behind her back.

“So…” He said, a conscious effort going into keeping his voice steady, “You want something.”

“From you? No.” The lady said tersely, eyes cooling back into her host’s deep brown ones as she turned away. “There is nothing I have to gain from the presence of someone who is unable to insert a key into a keyhole.”

With her back turned, a white circle opened up beneath Macaque, chains in her signature blue color shooting out of it to entangle his limbs, dragging him inside. “Wait!” He huffed, yanking on the bindings, trying to stay afloat. “So you’re just going to kill me because I didn’t open your stupid cage!? You dragged me all the way out here so that you could get even!?”

The puppet lunged forward, grabbing Macaque by the hair and holding him down, smile wide with giddy anticipation of Macaque’s imposing death (the strange fellow didn’t seem to like him very much). The Lady turned her head, eyes narrow.

“Even?” She echoed, before her lips quirked upwards into a smile, and her brows creased before she let out a shrill laugh.

“If I wanted vengeance, my champion, then I wouldn’t grant you a painless death such as this.” She flickered out of view again, appearing in front of him as she crouched down to meet his eyes, a cold smile decorating the soft features of the child she was possessing- an eerie contrast.

“I would shrink you,” She said, holding her fingers close together to intimate being tiny.

“And find a nice jar to leave you trapped in for a few centuries. I’ll even find a nice blanket in the color of your choice to make sure you never get to look at the face of another sentient being. With that being the alternative, ask yourself,” She leaned down. “Wouldn’t you rather die?”

His lips parted in mild horror- but only for a moment as she leaned away from him. He struggled against the puppet, thrashing about, as if that would save him. “Wait, what do you want!?” He yelled. “I can find Wukong, and his brat too!”

She stood, turning away. “Goodbye, Six-Eared Macaque.” She said coolly. “Your magic will be going towards an excellent cause. You will be much happier in your next life.”

Macaque released a grunt of distress at her retreating form. Was that supposed to reassure him or something?

“Wait!” He yelled, disliking the frantic tone. Was he really about to die? “Damn it, Baigujing, listen for once!” After that, it was silent for a moment. The pull of the chains seemed to ease on his limbs, and the thrall was no longer shoving his head into the pit of doom.

“…You may speak.” She said tiredly, probably of him and his refusal to die with dignity, and baffled with the audacity he had to use her traditional name like they were old chums. “Do be quick about it. I do not have all day to listen to your pointless excuses.”

“Why do you think I didn’t free you? Probably because you never make room for reason in all your crazy ramblings about destiny,” He sneered.

Maybe insults weren’t his best option, but in Lady Bone Demon’s actions, there was always method to her madness. Maybe he could find some way to compromise if he could just get through to her, he could at least get out of this Scott-free.

“Is that so?” She hummed, turning her head to look away. “I suppose you would feel that way. I understand why many try and fight destiny- it is oftentimes cruel. What I do not understand why they fight the only solution to that problem.”

“The only solution is destroying the world?” He snapped. His voice came out a lot less “understanding” than he intended. We’re his acting skills slipping? She chuckled.

“And I suppose you’d prefer I leave it to it’s devices?” She mused. “That I allow war, famine, and crime to endlessly continue when I have the power to stop it all?”

“So you’re a Good Samaritan now? Let me guess, taking over this city was a necessary evil?” He mocked her aristocratic manner of speaking, able to rise to his feet again, as the chains had gone limp.

“Quite correct,” The Lady said, a hint of amusement in her tone. “And you, Six-Eared Macaque? Was destroying this city to get to Sun Wukong a necessary evil?”

He stopped, eyes knitting together at the question. “How do you…”

“My servant made it a point to update me on current events worldwide upon being freed from my tomb.” She answered quickly. He couldn’t see her, but he knew she was smiling.

“Don’t tell me the cat has your tongue now, Liu’er. What happened to all your newfound self-righteousness from before?”

He grit his teeth. “So, I’m not the crème de la crème of purity and goodness.” He said, fists clenched tight enough to draw blood. “You certainly aren’t any better than me. You’re the one who brought me back to life.”

She lightly laughed, and Macaque grew angrier by the second. She was still going to kill him after this, wasn’t she? He needed to get the upper hand, but…

“You’re quite quick to blame others, I notice. I presume that is also my fault that my little host was orphaned in that attack of yours?”

Macaque’s eyes widened. What? “What…?” He repeated his thoughts aloud, no louder than a whisper, but it didn’t go unheard by The Lady.

“I wasn’t trying to…” He trailed off. “But you did.” The Lady finished for him, titling her head upwards as she sighed. “I’ve seen selfishness and hatred far more intense than yours, Six-Eared Macaque.” The wicked amusement she had garnered earlier had faded. She turned to look at him, finally.

Her eyes seemed far too tired, and filled with far too much anger to be on the face of a little girl.

Her tone was cool as she looked above him, at the night sky. “But it will all be over soon.”

For a moment, all was quiet.

“Why’d you pick me?” He asked, after a moment. The Lady, seemingly brought back down to earth, hummed in question. “Anyone could have opened your tomb. But you went out of her way to pluck my soul out of the Diyu, specifically. Why?”

The Lady’s expression morphed into one of annoyance. “You’re only wondering this now?” She asked crossly. His expression didn’t change.

“I had decided not to tell you what I had planned to happen to you in your next life, but I suppose, if it will give you closure,” She hummed. “I can answer your last question.”

She’s really set on killing me… He thought wearily.

“There is one person who exists in this world who, with certainty, will not exist in the new one. Do you know to whom I am referring?”

“Wukong. Right,” Macaque answered. “Yes,” The Bone Lady sighed, closing her eyes. “But in the absence of the Great Sage, there will be a void that will need to be filled.” She spat the words “Great Sage” out as if a worm she’d found in an apple. (He understood finding the title obnoxious. Great Sage, Equal to Heaven? Give me a break.)

A void? Macaque thought for a moment. As in, an empty space that would need to be filled- someone to replace Wukong as the monkey king. MK? But…

Macaque’s head shot up. “You mean-!?” The Lady cut him off with a smile. “Interested now, are we?”

The next thing he knew, the chains were gone.

REBLOG TO SUPPORT OC X CANON SHIPPERS

They are valid and deserve more appreciation