@heckmate

@heckmate

“Say kid, do you think you can help a guy out?”

“Sorry, just passing through.”

“C’mon, I just need someone to unlock the throne.”

“Sorry I can’t do that.”

“What? Why?”

“Someone once told me that everyone has a torch to burn. The lantern is mine. The throne is yours.”

neighborhood watch

If I ever become a history teacher, I’m going to write “gullible” on the ceiling. Then in the middle of class, I’ll announce, “There’s ‘gullible’ written on the ceiling.” After the whole look vs. not look shenanigan occurs, I shall then slam my books on my desk, prop myself up, lean forward and say, “Welcome to history. Your first lesson? Check your facts for yourself.”

In LOTR “Looks like meat’s back on the menu, boys” implies that Orcs know what a menu is, and have therefore been to a restaurant. I wonder what a restaurant in Mordor is like.

@heckmate DID YOU SEND THEM THIS KIWI

MYSTERY STORY TIME

So there was a single, solitary kiwi on our counter in the kitchen.

And I decided to make fun of my roommate for it, because who buys one, single, solitary kiwi? So I asked her that.

Roommate: I didn’t buy a kiwi.

Me: This isn’t your kiwi?

Roommate: No?

Me: But this isn’t my kiwi.

Roommate: That kiwi was there when I got home.

Me: I don’t even eat kiwi!

As you can see, it’s a real kiwi. Here it is, on my counter, giving away nothing.

But I was still confused as to where it came from. Did one of us accidentally buy a kiwi at the store? 

So I looked up the Kiwiny company to figure out which stores it’s sold at, to see which one of us might have bought it, since we tend to use different grocery stores.

Kiwiny doesn’t have American retailers.

There is literally no reason for this kiwi to be in my kitchen.

okay but the ONE thing that will never get old is several characters stacked up on top of each other wearing a trenchcoat.