The Losers Club As Things I Saw, Heard, Or Said In The Past Week, Part Two

the losers club as things i saw, heard, or said in the past week, part two

ben: i thought everyone in this town was poor

richie: no, we all have crippling depression but some of us have jobs

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mike: i’m a supportive friend

stan: you said you would murder me if i didn’t study for my test

mike: …aggressively supportive

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beverly: i’m not saying i’m a god

beverly: i’m saying i’m a goddess

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bill: you ate an egg

richie: yes

bill: was it a cooked egg

richie: no

bill: was it out of the shell

richie: no

bill: how are you a living human being

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eddie, in tears: i forgot my bagel

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ben: did you know—

richie: probably not

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stan: so i was in algebra, right?

stan: and my teacher told us about imaginary numbers

stan: and if school is allowed to make us do math with FAKE NUMBERS

stan: then i should be allowed to murder them

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richie: hello my fellow heteros

eddie, holding his hand: stop doing that

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stan, at the school store: can i have two cookies and a reason to live

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ben: my mom asked me if i had any missing work and i panicked and said pretzel

ben: so now i’m grounded

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eddie, going through his backpack: i have three textbooks, pens, pencils, highlighters, erasers, extra paper, flash cards, my phone charger, and money for lunch

richie: i have a tub of chocolate frosting and a spoon

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bill: did you study for the test

mike: i was going to

mike: but then i found a compilation of dog vines so i never got around to it

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eddie: do you need a hug

beverly, wearing high heels with her sweatpants: don’t fucking talk to me

i know now that i can’t listen to danger days when i drive because the first note of any song off that album activates my fight-or-flight and i’ll be overcome with the urge to crash into the nearest military arsenal and streak naked through the desert screaming at the top of my lungs

That's it. That's the song.

you’re unbelievable

*SMASH*

so unbelievable

*CRASH*

you ruin everything

*INAUDIBLE WAILING*

you better go home

Ryan Ross is clearly the moon cause he went through several phases and then disappeared

the losers club as things i saw, heard, or said in the past week

bill: what do you want to be in twenty years

ben: a library

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all seven, in unison: *chanting “kill it!” repeatedly with absolutely no explanation as to why*

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richie: i just *clenches fist in front of face dramatically* don’t want to

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eddie: i mean… that sounds pretty gay

richie: you sound pretty gay

mike: literally both of you are gay

eddie: wow we get it you’re straight

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stan: *drops pencil and stares at it* i fucking hate existing

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mike: *crying over a picture of a chicken wearing a hat*

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beverly, in response to the co-chairman of the committee calling her his assistant: we both know i’m in charge here, fuckin’ pussy

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bill: *makes eye contact with richie across the classroom*

richie, with no emotion on his face: *starts sliding his phone into his mouth*

bill, under his breath: what the fuck is wrong with you

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ben: i woke up in the middle of the night panicking about my sixteenth birthday

ben: it took fifteen minutes before i remembered that i’m already eighteen

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bill: i’m a lover, not a fighter

beverly: you punched me in the tit this morning

bill: well you shouldn’t have fucking touched my muffin

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eddie: good news, after some help from the teacher, i figured out how to solve the problem on my quiz

eddie: bad news, i needed help because i was so tired that i forgot how division works

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richie: does anything make you happy

stan: sometimes i think about going to your funeral

stan: never fails to make me smile

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mike: *starts playing flappy bird in class*

richie: WHAT THE FUCK IT’S 2018

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beverly: *shows up twenty minutes late wearing a panda onesie and holding a milkshake*

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all seven: *telling weird stories about their families*

mike: my dad wrestled a shark once

stan: explain

mike: he was on a boat

stan: that doesn’t help