Im Drunk On Bourbon, And Im Making Some Chicken Tenders In My Ninja To Make Some Wraps With Ghost Pepper

I’m drunk on bourbon, and I’m making some chicken tenders in my ninja to make some wraps with ghost pepper Mac n cheese, siracha mayo, and ranch with a lot of cheddar and mozzarella cheese on a tortilla. Yum or will I regret this in the morning?

So it’s not just me?

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Last night we made the worst call of my life to the vet.

My little old muffin top, almost 17 years old and with us almost thirteen years, suffered two seizures when I was alone at home with him. I didn’t realize what they were, I thought he had fallen out of his bed wrong due to the horrifying howling, but I realized that he’d wet himself the second time.

I took him outside to sit on the porch to have some fresh air and prevent him from making any more messes in the house. He was just a little confused and had a hard time getting his back legs under control, so I thought he was going to be fine.

My parents got home, and ten minutes later he went down in front of my mom and I. My dad got on the phone with the vet, and they decided that we wouldn’t let him suffer anymore when I realized his accidents inside may not have been because we were gone too long over the past four months. I was a mess as soon as my dad asked what we wanted to have happen to him, and I didn’t stop crying for two hours.

I’m so grateful to the doctor and techs who stayed over an hour late so we could bring him in five minutes to closing. They gave me a bag of lean treats he snarfed down with great enthusiasm like his normal self. I had to have my dad tell the tech when it was time to sedate him, and we had a small family cuddle for those last five minutes with him awake. He tried so hard to stay awake to enjoy the cuddles, but I made this decision as we were coming up on an hour after the last seizure and I couldn’t put him through that again to be selfish. He went to sleep with his head nuzzled into my arm, and we took off his halter so he’d be more comfortable, and I was laying down next to him starting to lose it so I could stare at his face to say my goodbyes.

The lethal injection came and went, and I felt his last breath and knew he was gone before the doctor pronounced him. I completely lost it then, and I couldn’t bring myself to get up and leave him, my parents had to basically drag me away. I probably looked crazy when I walked into that place bawling my eyes out, but when we left I just stood in the parking lot crying into my mom’s shoulder for a few minutes before my dad got us to get into the car to go home. The only reason I stopped crying was because I was playing on my switch, but then I FaceTimed with my best friend to see her puppy and I lost it again when I saw her dog. I kept her up till 11:30 to just talk and take my mind off of what I’d had to do last night, and I thought I would be able to keep it together after a few more tears when I went to bed.

But then, I came downstairs to find the baby gate no longer on the stairs, and the bed that’s been taking up half of the kitchen floor wasn’t there, and I was just looking and listening for the sound of him snorting at my mom or breathing heavily on my mom’s leg and it hit me all over again. I’ve managed to not cry until I started writing this, and it’s hit me again and again all day that he’s gone. I missed him as soon as I was made to get up from the floor last night, but I miss him even more right now because I keep looking for him and reaching out for a dog that isn’t there next to me demanding pets or cookies.

I know this is what grief is, and that I was preventing him from suffering any longer as well as saving him from the painful confusion and embarrassment from his accidents, but now I know I’m gonna miss everything he did that annoyed us and even cleaning up his accidents. And it’s even worse because I keep hearing sounds every once in a while that make me think he’s in the next room over. How long does it take for the memory of losing someone you’ve loved and adored for half your life to no longer be so painful?

Rest In Peace, Kilo, my fuzzy little monster. I love you and I will come home to you again someday, just like I always promised to every time I left.

Thank you COVID-19 for shutting done the country for the quarantine, it gave me more than a year at home to spend with him that I wouldn’t otherwise have had.

April 2004 - August 17, 2021

My graduation cap, the labor of twenty four hours and finished fourteen hours before the ceremony.

I hope it pissed off or offended someone, that was half of the meaning behind the design.

I’m considering doing commissioned caps like this in the future. Thoughts?

Story update

Fire and Fury has just had chapter seven added to it, refer to my earlier post to find it, or just google it with my username crazypandagirl.

Also, the poll I had on the profile has ended with a majority vote for a prequel crossover for this story. It should be up soon, since it just needs to be looked over one more time.

I get that people want everything to go back to normal and forget about COVID-19 and the phases of reopening the country like most of the rest of the world, but... this is likely never going to end. We have a new normal, and we are also divided on many fronts. We have too many options, differing opinions, and different ideals for the perfect world.

But why is it so hard for Americans to follow the example set by other countries in the response to the pandemic? We may be living in a capitalist country, but the tax money is misused by our politicians who would rather fund projects in countries that would rather see this country fall. We have minimal control over our political climate, and that has ruled how the government is responding after they spend most of the money on irrelevant projects.

We do have control over our own actions though. When we were little, we should have all learned about manners and common decency in society, to respect each other’s beliefs, and to accept each other despite our differences. Where did these lessons go? Why are so many people unable to respect that others make certain choices? Why can people not quietly comply with the new store policies or follow simple directions for proper procedures?

If you don’t want to wear a mask but need to go shopping, almost every store will allow you to order online and pick it up without needing to step out of the car. If you don’t want to wear a mask to enter any establishment that requires you to wear a mask inside, you can conduct your business over the phone or with an online conference service and get your physical items with a curbside pickup.

Americans have to wake up to the reality of this world. We have a system that has always been doomed to fail sooner or later and are plagued by people who are being overly sensitive about the most ridiculous subjects, many times witnessed in people with no connection or reason for what they are offended by.

People are dying from COVID-19, at least three of my relatives work in hospitals, and one of my relatives works in a lab where these tests are conducted. The lab workers are exhausted. The medical staff are exhausted. They are not able to keep up with these cases, they haven’t been able to from the start. They are burning themselves out by working overtime every day of the week to make sure the rest of us are taken care of.

The worst is that one of my aunts lost ten ICU patients in two days back in March when we went into quarantine. She has been keeping herself as distant from her children as possible to try protecting them from the virus in case she carried it home. I have only been able to track the county where she works, and she must have seen over a hundred people die from COVID-19 by now. She has said that she couldn’t do anything to help them after a certain point, and told us how suddenly her patients would change from lively and fine to crashing in the time it takes to duck out of their room for only a few minutes.

Why can’t so many Americans accept that we have to put physical social interactions on hold? Why is it so hard for people to wear a mask properly or at all? We could have ended this months ago if people just listened to these frontline workers by staying home, staying apart, and wearing the mask. Is it so hard to listen to these people begging us to do something so easy? Is a little discomfort so hard to handle for a short amount of time to protect ourselves and each other? Is it so hard not to shame those who do their part if they feel they are at risk of spreading the virus because of their workplace conditions? What has happened to us that we can’t be decent and calm in any given situation?

Why don’t people care about each other anymore? Why do people let history repeat itself instead of trying to move past these mistakes? Why have people chosen to ignore these lessons? Why can’t people look at the bigger picture and find a logical and acceptable reason for their actions? Why do we make everything about politics these days? Why do we let the corrupt remain in office to ruin us further? Why do we let our differences get in the way of the potential for success? Why do we have people rioting just because their party representatives lost an election and destroy their own homes and cities?

How many of us are embarrassed to be an American right now?