Id Like To Address The Whole Bottom/top BS Im Seeing In This Fandom And Other Fandoms With M/m Ships,

I’d like to address the whole “bottom/top” BS I’m seeing in this fandom and other fandoms with m/m ships, as a gay man myself. And I’m going to do it in the only way I know how.

Here’s my husband and I. We’re the same in terms of body structure, and he’s only well-shaven because his job requires it, but he loves facial hair as much as I do. I love to cook and bake (I like making things that are pretty and taste good), and he loves to grill. I stay home with our child while he’s at work, and he takes care of our child in the mornings so I can sleep. We share the chores. He likes ripped jean jackets, and I like leather jackets and peacoats. We both like masculine and feminine jewelry. I cuss up a storm, and he only does so when he’s reached his limits. He likes high heels and nail polish, and I’ve once upon time worn skirts, dresses, and make up. We both burp, fart, scratch places we shouldn’t in public. We take turns spooning each other. I take care of the bills. We’re both fiercely protective.

Who’s top and who’s bottom?

Would it anger you if I told you differently than what you answered, and that you most likely sat there and determined based on heteronormative stereotypes? It doesn’t matter what we look like, or who we are – the bedroom is a different world. We don’t ascribe to the “who’s female and who’s male” mentality. Why does our level of masculinity or femininity determine our sex life? Why does it seem to determine the sex lives of m/m fictional couples? Hannibal Lecter being a bottom has nothing to do with him being an “alpha” male. It is not degrading for any man to be a bottom. ANY man. And the fact that so many people become enraged that someone writes a very masculine character as a bottom disgusts me. Men of all types like to bottom, and it’s mostly to due with pleasure. Shut the hell up and get over it. “But I prefer…” Listen. You can prefer certain kinks, you can prefer vanilla sex, you can prefer no penetration, or any sex of any kind (asexuals are awesome). But for god’s sake, stop fighting about tops and bottoms. It’s incredibly uncomfortable as a gay man to see these fights, and to feel such profound shame that people believe men like me or my husband would never ‘take it up the ass’ because of some stereotypical, heteronormative bullshit reasons. Read bottom Hannibal, don’t read bottom Hannibal. Don’t read top or bottom of whatever character. I don’t care. But just STOP looking at M/M relationships through hetero/cisgender goggles!

I’m not gonna pretend I spend a lot of time giving Erica Moen attention but the other issue with her comic is that it prides itself on going deep and discussing the hows and whys behind fetishes when it fucking doesn’t.

For instance, let’s talk about Cuckolding.

The current idea of what a ‘cuck’ is is pretty different from what it was. It used to be that ‘cuckolding’ described a marriage/household where instead of being traditionally male-run with a supportive/submissive wife, the husband was relatively powerless and the wife attended to her affairs as she pleased, from socializing, to spending money on whatever she desired, to sleeping with whomever she wanted. It used to be about women. Do you remember old cartoons with that stereotype of the large, rich wife who bosses her little husband around and makes him carry all her shopping boxes while she casually drapes herself with yet another fur she made him pay for (because all of the household’s funds are basically her own)?

That’s cuckolding.

Now it’s all about men and specifically it is a fetish largely driven by fear of male inadequacy based on penis size. Most all of it boils down to “my wife deserves a bigger dick/someone bigger and stronger should please her/I can’t do anything to stop my wife from sleeping with someone else because I’m too insufficient and weak”

Which leads to the fact that most cuckold fantasies lean largely on BBC stereotypes and the fetishization of Black men which also supports the ‘Black Brute’ stereotype by turning it into a fantasy. Because that’s what a lot of fetishes are: irrational fears and anxieties one becomes so fixated on/obsessed with that the mind copes by turning fear into arousal. The broader recent resurgence of the ‘fetish’ has really become little more than an insult and has been completely divorced from having anything to do with a subversion of patriarchal households. It went from that to racist fetishization and phallocentricism with with the woman used as a prop to being a proxy for homophobes to explore their male-attracted fantasies (I cannot tell you how central ‘oh  no I’m being SO thoroughly humiliated by the stunt dick my girlfriend prefers that now I have to suck his dick…for her! and eat his cum…for her!’ is to all of this with clients) to just being boiled down to some purely patriarchal nothingness about how either cucks are super brave (girl…anyway..) or closet ‘betas’ because they don’t think daterape is cool.

But Erica ain’t say that shit, did she?

Does she talk about how many men specifically developed their ABDL leanings because of an inability to deal with responsibility? Or how many (LITERALLY MOST OF THEM) BDSM fetishes come from ‘a thing you accidentally saw your mom/dad/sibling do when you were a kid’? Or how many of them exist because so many people see pain as more accessible and deserved than affection? Or how many people use fetish interactions as a replacement for platonic emotional bonding because they can’t get it?

Why DID you make her eat poop? I'm not trying to call you out, I'm just curious what you were thinking and why you would want anyone to eat your poop.

I never made her. Everything was consensual. However she did not like this so we chose to go separate ways.

Madness and witchery as well as bestiality are conditions commonly associated with the use of the female voice in public, in ancient as well as modern contexts. Consider how many female celebrities of classical mythology, literature and cult make themselves objectionable by the way they use their voice. […] Putting a door on the female mouth has been an important project of patriarchal culture from antiquity to the present day. Its chief tactic is an ideological association of female sound with monstrosity, disorder and death.

Anne Carson, The Gender of Sound

why the fuck does a 16 year old need to get her NIPPLES DONE ?????

I cant imagine signing off on my underage child getting their nipples augmented????

I feel like I didnt have so many strong feelings about plastic surgery until recently with the rise of young people and literally children getting it done more and more 

If you’re an adult and want some sort of plastic surgery or fillers or something, you can make that decision for yourself and I hope that you’re doing it with a healthy mindset

but I cant get on board with kids getting plastic surgery like this