Cyberchaospirate - Welcome To My World Of Fuckups - Tumblr Blog

promise - @rosekillermicrofic - word count: 229

"I'm going to end you," eleven-year-old Barty Crouch growled to Evan Rosier, furious the other boy got the bed by the window before him.

"I welcome it," Evan smirked at him, offering a hand. "I'm Evan. Nice to meet you."

-

"I'm gonna fucking kill you," thirteen-year-old Evan rolled his eyes at Barty, angry that the other boy had once again taken the last of the chocolate cake at dinner.

"Go right ahead," Barty replied thickly, cake still in his mouth.

-

"Oh, I'm going to murder you," fifteen-year-old Barty snarked at Evan, holding up his favorite t-shirt, which now had a giant stain. "Stop stealing my stuff!"

"Make me," Evan retorted, eyes rolling.

-

"I'm going to hex your prick off!" sixteen-year-old Evan screamed at Barty, fuming that Barty had once again walked in on him when he'd brought back a girl to their dorm.

"Go ahead!" Barty yelled back, emotion that Evan didn't understand filling his eyes.

-

"Oh, Rosie. I'm gonna destroy you," eighteen-year-old Barty grinned down at Evan, hovering over the other boy, pinning his hands to the bed with his own, their lips inches away from each other.

"Promise?" Evan asked with a suggestive smirk, moving his hips a bit to make Barty gasp.

And their lips crashed together, a tangle of tongues and teeth and heat and seven years' worth of built-up tension.

snake - @rosekillermicrofic - word count: 211

"What do you think?" Barty asked in a hushed voice, holding the hem of his shirt up to reveal the tattoo he'd gotten earlier that day.

Evan could only stare. His mouth watered as his eyes traced the way the snake curved and curled up Barty's ribes, coiling over his pale skin. "When does it heal?" he asked, not even caring that his voice was rough and cracking.

"I got it at a magic shop. Hurt like a bitch, but it's already heal- oh!"

But the end of Barty's sentence was cut off by Evan pushing him back on the bed, ignoring the warning bells that were going off in his mind that were telling him to stop, to think about this, that Barty was his best friend, that this would ruin things, because fuck he needed.

And as he began kissing and licking up the length of the snake, tracing up Barty's ribs with his hands, he realized that Barty wasn't pushing him off. That instead, the other boy was pulling him closer. That they were both moaning and pushing into each other.

"Fuck, Ev," he heard Barty cry out as he flicked his tongue over hot skin, and suddenly, the warning bells were gone. Because everything felt so right.

When I get a nice AO3 comment or Tumblr reblog I have to force myself not to say "I LOVE YOU PLEASE MARRY ME CAN WE BE BEST FRIENDS FOREVER I'M OBSESSED WITH YOU" and instead say "thanks"

🌈🌈🌈

Marauders as things my friend group has said

“Sometimes I forget how many dead people there are.” - Sirius @ Regulus during a family history lesson.

“ I’m gonna bite your toes while you’re sleeping,,, nibble, nibble, nibble” - a drunk Barty @ Evan who is ignoring him.

James: Drops phone on his face. James: claps friends theme song. James: picks phone back up like nothing happened.

“I’m a bi guy, a simple bi guy and I am 99% Lilly Evans and 1% Regulus Black.” - James Potter

“ Why do all the cute ones gotta be Deatheaters?” - Rita @ Bellatrix

“Iron chickens do not have iron testicals” - a very drunk Sirius @ an unfortunately sober Remus.

“I have decided that i am a snack it just no one is hungry” - Peter

Marlene: Climbs on train track bridge Dorcas: “Oh you are so fucking dumb, I look away for 2 seconds”

“No bite, no smile!” - Remus @ James who is trying to take a picture of him too close to the full moon.

“If i was there i’d slap her i don't care if she's 9” - Mary to lily after hearing about the shit her sister was doing to her. “James, I am a pussy.” - Peter to James about the forbidden forest.

“I would be James’ sugar bab- AHH!” - Lily about James to Mary.

“I have to go through all my saves and delete the videos of him because he turned out to be a pedophile… Hey! I had a chance with him” - Remus probably at some point.

“Was that CORPSE? Woop!” - Drunk Remus at a party.

Remus: “ughhhh” Sirius: “what?” Remus: “I hurt and I'm dying.” Sirius: “don't die, that's for kids”

Barty : sits up really quick "guys I just swallowed the nail, it's in my throat." Barty: proceeds to cough up the nail

Pandora: shows Regulus a picture she drew "this is cute" Regulus: "you're cute. wait that didn't go how I wanted it to.”

Barty: “RACCOON WORLDS DOMINATION”

Sirius: “Do I look like a freaking rat?” Regulus: ….. Sirius: “Don't answer that”

Effie: hears a song playing from james’ room “I used to listen to this song in grade school.” James: “Oh so it's really old then.”

Remus: "sips coffee stressfully"

Barty: "seductively eats toes"

Evan: "for your next random gift I'll get you a screwdriver Barty: "thanks I'm gonna kill myself with it"

Marlene: whining "mom James got me addicted to cocaine" wait I mean Crack cookies" - Marlene @ Effie

Nymphadora: tries to lick cat. Andromeda: "don't lick the kitty." Dora: proceeds to lick cat.

Barty: "school sh**tings" gives thumbs up

Sirius: shows Remus their high heels Remus: "okay whore" smacks hand over mouth "wait i- that wasn't supposed to come out" Sirius: laughs their ass off

James: yells across the store to mom “mom!" Random person at the checkout: looks at James "I am not mom."

“Effie’s a Milf” - Marlene

“I don't have nothing, other than a few std's” -Remus

“You can eat half a mermaid before you're a cannibal” - Pandora to Regulus

“Probably shouldn't be doing it but we’re definitely going to continue anyway” - Remus, Sirius, James and Peter in sync.

very confused Peter: “leprechauns don't play quidditch.”

Marlene: “like weewoo but not weewoo” exasperated and high off her ass

Sirius: “I like aids”

phone falls off bed Marlene in an Australian accent: "crikey my phone"

“I’m hooked up to so many wires i could connect to hbo on my heart monitor” - Lily on pain killers to James

"I don't think I can lick that, can I?" -Sirius playing goat simulator

watching cloudy with a chance of meatballs and it's at the part where the mayor destroys the machine and James says " I hope you see the error of your ways, you glutton!”

(talking about Cameron Monaghan) the murder child from my chemical romance - Sirius

"Fuckin’ Sirius"- Remus while asleep

Sirius "I've got middle fingers and i'm not afraid to use them" Regulus: "do it" Sirius "I’m a little afraid to use them"

Peter while asleep: groans and sits up fast James: "you okay?" Peter "not really." James: "What's wrong?" Peter: "I'm gonna have to use the loo to solve the thing."

Sirius: "So were you born in 2006, 2007?" Narcissa: "i was born in 2004" Regulus: "i don't mean this in a mean way but wow you are old"

Sirius: "I WANNA HOLD YOU" Remus "NO, LET ME MAKE COFFEE THEN YOU CAN"

Barty: "I'm gonna do a line off your dresser"

Barty: "i have a headache" pauses "and i have 2 more lines to do"

Mary: "I don't have to do acid I have the that back massager that messes with my balance receptor"

Barty: suddenly sits up Regulus: “are you okay” Barty: “i don't know, i'm just gonna go to sleep and try to see what's going on”

Barty: "Why not use a shotgun, it's easier, this is america." (was not in america)

"stop licking the oreos" - Reg @ Barty

"Do i really have to tell you not to mate with the cat"- McGonagall @ the marauders

Remus: “I can feel the brain damage,, and i've got another line”

“MY TRAUMA CAN'T HANDLE THIS!”- Sirius

“Ball licky licky titty croissant” - James trying to learn french from Regulus

“Ooo yay i love being kidnapped!”- Barty probably at some point

“The 3 c's cook, clean, cocktails”- Remus “The 3 b's bake broil blowjobs”- Sirius

“LET ME UPLOAD MY PORN DAMNIT” - Marlene probably

"Dorcas you should be my sugar mommy" - Pandora

"An air whore" Remus

"My skyrim character is Schizophrenic" - James

"I wanna blow up pumpkins, and People!!!!" -Bellatrix

"I can taste it in my eyeballs" - James

"you can't take terrorists to the airport"-Peter

"I'm really bad at swallowing" - Sirius

“you can't fuck a duck, you'd have to seduce it” - Evan

"Hey your boobs are crooked"- Marlene

"i’m sorry, i accused you of taking my grandpa" -Sirius

"im a gay virgin"-Regulus

"duck now motherfucker" Sirius @ James

"i wanna become a rug or everyone does a line of my ashes when i die" - Remus

"you can't be funny while I'm smoking" -Remus @ First year after he walked out the door

"I'm leaving, i don't care that much about being drug free" - Barty

Y'all are amazing. Reblog to hug the person you’re reblogging from.

"You bastard!" Barty doesn't think twice before throwing himself at the idiot who decided to try and push Pandora around. It's not that Pandora can't take care of herself - she absolutely can - but she also is one of Barty's best friends. And he will stand up for her no matter wha-

"Barty, you already have a detention for fighting, they'll call your father if you fight again now," someone murmurs while draging him away. Regulus. It's Regulus. But isn't he supposed to be on a date with James?

That question is answered to him when he hears a yelp and turns around to find James punching the bastard, twice.

Huh

Maybe Barty does like James after all

James Potter thought he was straight until Reggie Black smiled at him and made him walk into a wall

Reblog if its ok to spam you with boops

whoop rewatch!!!! fuck Monica once again and frank but Monica

god i fucking hate Monica

being held would be nice I think

Its been a minute but I'm rewatching and it deserves to be said again...

God i fucking hate Monica

god i fucking hate Monica

shameless but make it wolfstar

regulus: it’s not just the haircut! you look like…

sirius: i look like what?

remus: you look like a hooker

sirius: you think?

regulus: it’s not a compliment sirius!

sirius: from remus? totally is

remus: hookers are hot

I love Mandy, so much she's my favorite 😍

Ian flipping Mickey's knife was so fucking hot bro

LIP JUST PUNCHED FRANK THAT WAS FUCKING HOT

Everytime Ian cries i cry. Its so heartbreaking. this poor kid

god i fucking hate Monica

The way Lip takes his shirt off is hot

HELL YEAH MICKEY AND IAN GOT MARRIED

MICKEY IS IN THE INTRO I REPEAT MICKEY IS IN THE INTRO

I’m crying

why am I googling things about shameless/noel when I see this and start bawling?

I hadn’t seen this post before, and even if I did I’d still be crying about it.

lip canonically smells like lemons