My Version Of Sissy Hypno Is Speed Walking On The Treadmill While Listening To Podcasts About Climate

my version of sissy hypno is speed walking on the treadmill while listening to podcasts about climate disasters until i feel a sufficient level of urgency to do my environmental engineering problem sets

notice plants!!! just notice them!! think about them!! wonder things about them!! theyre big and mysterious and we’re still learning new things about them each day!!! like it’s so enriching, interesting, and rewarding just becoming vaguely conscious of how you interact with plants as something you’ve been trained to do through your life??? anyway plants are cool and u should like them thanks for coming to my ted talk

I wouldn’t describe this year as definitively ‘good’ or ‘bad’ but the type of growth I experienced throughout was cold and uncomfortable. More than anything it was a quiet growth that left me exposed. I think I was molting.

anyway this is me if you even care..

11.26.2023

For Thanksgiving, I went home to the Midwest to see my family. I'll admit I do miss the dry, sunny warmth of Arizona, even after a short time away, but opt-in seasons might be ideal. I spent as much time as I could drinking in the cool fall air, the rain and colors, and then the contrasting coziness of the fireplace. I'm a bit anxious to go back, but it's only three weeks until I come home again for Christmas and New Year's. Classes are pretty much done now, but that means ramping up lab work and functioning more independently in general. I refuse to wish away time, but I suspect I'll be relieved when I'm no longer a first year and hopefully feel more settled-in and capable.

ever feel like the world has won? like ennui and cruelty and paranoia and expectations have finally crushed the person you used to be? you ever wake up and suddenly you're old, not in body necessarily but holy fuck where is the you that was so fearless and ambitious and creative? did you really just let them kill you? you gave up that fucking easily?