I-

I-

It wasn't what I expected.. but I'm not disappointed.. not at all..

Because maybe..

Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh

I always knew that Sun blamed himself for July 16th for so long.. like he said later he learned that it wasn't his fault.. but why he didn't stop that? Why he didn't do something?

I'm so happy that Moon was there for Sun..

I can't.. I- I can't even describe and explain how exactly it makes me feel..

It's just.. Sun telling Moon that he feels like a failure and that he blamed himself for what happened to Dazzle and other kids.. and then Moon saying that Sun is a good person

It just it's something.. that I always fantasized about.. I mean it's not exactly related to sams.. I was imagining various scenarios with my favourite characters that they felt like they're bad and someone telling them that they're good and just helping them and I just idk I never thought that something like that will actually happen in any media I like.. you know..

I was always making up this stories.. to cope with how I felt about myself.. but I just knew that something like that could never happen.. that if someone felt like they're bad and did something bad even if it's not exactly their fault.. that no one would ever forgive them.. I felt like that because of my delusions..

But seeing this actually happening to one of my favourite characters.. to character that I deeply relate to.. it feels so unreal but it means so much to me

I know that they don't know me and some of you may think that I'm cringe.. but I'm gonna say it..

Thank you Davis and EC! I can't thank you enough for what you both gave me with this show and Sun.. I don't have words..

You won't probably see this.. and even if you do.. it's just not much for you.. but I'm thankful for this show and Sun and..

Thank you! I was so scared that this suffering could never end.. and that something like in today's episode could never happen.. because I always thought that it's just too hopeful and stupid.. but suffering don't have to last forever.. everything will be okay one day.. things will get better..

I can't thank you enough, Davis, EC.. thank you 💗

THANK YOU ^^

SAMS Sun has to be one of the characters I know that's in the top tier of suffering. He hasn't suffered the worst (fiction is a scary thing...), but he has to be one of the characters I know of that's suffered the most.

I mean, the guy's had a break for how long? A month? A month and a half? I do think many of the best characters out there are the ones that go through a lot of suffering, but that's mainly because they conquer the suffering and grow from it.

I'm really hoping this and finally confronting Dark Sun and Nexus turn things around finally allows Sun some relief and time to heal, however that happens.

I think Sun needs time to rest, and then he can figure what's going on with himself. I love Earth but he needs so much more than she can offer. And, I'll admit, I can sympathize with Sun's bad explanations. It's hard to put emotions into words, especially if you're overwhelmed by them--and even when your head has cleared you often really, really don't want to revisit them. I've personally struggled with articulating my own feelings correctly A LOT, and sometimes the words just don't come. Sometimes you don't even know you have that problem, even. (I mean, right now I'm worried about reading this wrong and not getting what you mean even if I think I know...)

And him being scared of being abandoned if he DOES explain it right--I actually forgot that was still a problem. Poor thing...

His body has been violated, his mind has been violated... but when I think about it... despite his flaws Sun is really freakin' strong. He's been suffering so much FOR FIVE DAMN YEARS and he hasn't fully broken yet. Has he been in places ranging from sad and scared to near despair, mentally speaking? Yep, but he still wants to help his family. He hasn't given up despite facing the Trauma Conga Line Incarnate.

I still want to rip the Creator (not Sven) to bloody pieces, though, after today. IF MY PROTECTIVE INSTINCTS WEREN'T AWAKE BEFORE THEN THEY SURE ARE NOW!

Oh god today's episode hurt, and now Sun's infected with some other horrible creature that's going to take over his body, how many more times is the poor guy's autonomy going to be violated? First Moon, then Bloodmoon, then Eclipse, now this?

Hsbdbndndndb

I know man.. but you know what would be messed up if the thing in Sun's head wasn't exactly real but Creator just wanted to install as much fear in Sun as he could..

Cause we all know that Sun is afraid that he's just like Bloodmoon etc.. and that he's forcing others to do his bidding..

And now when he has (?) something in his head he'll be scared that he'll kill someone again..

Dnbdndnsjdnjdnddn

I swear I was hoping thinking that maybe they'll go for making Sun's delusions worse plot.. but I wasn't sure if they'd really do that..

But now we know that they will go there.. sbsbbxbdbxbbdbdb

This shit is insane like damn Creator really knows his creations so well.. damn he knows what is afraid the most of shsbshhshshshshsh

Poor Sun.. his mental state will be in shambles.. like I swear this boi is not aware of the fact that he has mental disorder QwQ he only thinks that he had hallucinations because of trauma - it's true but he's issues went way beyond just that..

But the worst thing is that Sun once again didn't say what exactly happened! As always! Nxnxjxnndndnd

I swear he only always say - Creator wanted this, Eclipse said that jdnxnxjxjjdndn

But I understand him completely the - "I'm not Bloodmoon" yeah Sun we both know that you're scared that you're the real monster QwQ

He won't say anything related to those fears.. he won't go any deeper beside what is already known.. cause he can't say that.. like I swear it's really hard to explain and then there's also shame and fear that everyone will abandon you when they found out the "truth"..

Sun I feel you buddy 🥲

But yeah it's frustrating to see that Sun's body is violated so much throughout the whole show like damn QwQ

Thank you~!

"Lunar's SECRET PLAN" Episode! (Me Gushing Over an LAES Episode)

MY GOD, I ADORED today's episode of the Lunar and Earth show. Dazzle being a helpful bean, Sun being a big brother (no pun intended), Earth being a goofball, Lunar being a lit--UH, I mean, fun-sized trickster grump, GIANTS IN THE DAYCARE--I LOVE IT!

And I thought Lunar and Earth helping Sun with his goose magic was funny! Earth's "sibling dynamic" line is so true. It's practically her catchphrase by now, but I sure ain't complainin'! :D

Lunar actually did fool me the first time he did the thing when they were by the ball pit. I didn't even realize he did it again before it became obvious. I'm around 5' 2'' years so I can relate to Lunar's frustration, but if we're small then WE ARE GOING TO BE PROUD OF IT, DAMMIT! And he DID have a bit of a sense of humor about it, mimicking the Jaws theme when in the ball pit after Earth pointed out that only the top of his head was visible.

And MY GOD, Sun/Happy Boy was SUCH a butt of a big brother. XD It was freaking funny how merciless he was with the teasing. I mean, he started it around less than one minute into the video! Maybe he was a bit mean, but he was genuinely apologetic when he thought he went too far.

It was nice that Sun was having a good day, joking and laughing. I mean, he was ACTUALLY laughing, not just wheezing or huffing a few times. I'm super proud of him. His problems and trauma aren't over, but he's still come a long way.

NOW FOR EARTH: I LOVE Earth's sense of humor. I love how hammy and silly she is, first was the whole "L-L-L-L-LUNAAAR~!" from the last laes lore episode, then today it was her "I have been learning PROOOGRAMMING!"

I wish I was half as confident as she is about putting the energy into the silliness. It's in my range of humor, and sometimes I can be hammy in front of others but I can also backtrack. I just get worried people think it's stupid instead of silly and that I'm being stupid. I just need people who I trust to really know me, I guess.

ANYWAY! BACK TO THE FUN STUFF!

I thought of a good nickname for Lunar: BLUEBERRY MOONCAKE!

If you don't know what a mooncake is... it's banned in several countries so that's understandable.

Finally Dazzle--sweet baby girl. She went from throwing a toy in Lunar's face because it was funny to offering to find that FREAKIN' DONUT THING, WHICH COULD'E BEEN LITERALLY ANYWHERE IN THAT WAREHOUSE-SIZED ROOM. She's definitely learning stuff from Sun, and he already trusts her enough to let her find it on her own. Yes he goes to help her at the end BUT YOU CAN'T DENY HOW CUTE THEIR BOND IS!

And now... quoting this genuinely wonderful exchange:

Lunar: I don't even know how I can hear you right now.

Earth: It's because I'm YELLING~!

Lunar: ...FAIR ENOUGH!

Earth: DID I HURT YOUR FEELINGS!?

Lunar: NO!

Earth: SO WE'RE COOL!?

Lunar: YEP~!

Earth: OKAY~!

Oh geez, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to hit a trigger or make it uncomfortable if that's what I did. I was just excited because I haven't seen anyone else make a remark about the oddities, and the pieces of the puzzle were making sense to me and... oh, I'm sorry!

Sun isn't okay QwQ (when he was.. but seriously I wonder if whatever Creator put in him is driving him crazy - regardless if it's real or only a mental thing - or maybe the stress from things with Creator and Nexus are getting better of him..)

But ofc he won't talk about it like usual..

And Moon can't talk about such things with Sun either like usual..

He's better at responding to situation at hand.. I mean when is stressed about something that Moon knows a bit of about it..

But surely Sun needs a girlfriend, Moon..

Sun wouldn't open up to girlfriend.. unless she would be pretty observant and such..

But Moon is trying.. he really tries to be careful with jokes and also he tries to always tell Sun that he isn't joking or he's serious etc..

It's good cause Moon needs to be straightforward with Sun.. cause Sun had to always play guessing games with Moon before..

It's good to see that Moon is trying..

But those Sun and Moon seem fun I definitely need to check out their channel ^^

I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you and your newborns, but thank you for sharing. You're absolutely right -- we don't need a gathering of holier-than-thou white supremist jerks to make a choice for the people actually going through this kind of experience.

THIS IS THE BUSINESS OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY DEALING WITH THIS TOPIC. NOT DELUSIONAL KNOW-IT-ALLS THAT DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW REPRODUCTION WORKS.

I was 30 years old.

I was married.

We were happy.

We were established.

Our 401k runneth over.

We decided to start a family.

I got pregnant right away.

Like right away.

We were over the moon.

I kept a journal of every day of the magic.

I got a bump.

I felt our baby kick.

I embraced it fully.

I rejected tests because "it won't change our path"

Emily sent out baby shower invitations.

The nursery was under way.

And then.

I'm almost halfway there!

I'm 18 and a half weeks pregnant.

The doctor called.

It was 7pm.

I was out at dinner with my friend Deb.

I stepped outside.

The day before on a whim I agreed to a blood test.

"There's probably nothing to worry about but we need you to come in. There's a 1 in 36 chance something is wrong"

I called Liza sobbing.

My sister told me to lay out 36 straws and see that there's still such a good chance that everything is fine.

I didn't sleep.

We drove up to Forsyth because that was the first available amniocentesis.

The needle was long.

The room was dark.

The news was really bad.

I changed in that moment forever.

It's a girl!

We had named her Audrey.

Audrey Roesel -- the girl who will make me a mom.

She was missing her nasal bone.

Her kidneys were tiny.

Her heart was missing a chamber.

She had an extra chromosome.

Part of her brain wasn't formed.

Her head was growing at a rate 4x faster than her limbs.

I want to be a mom.

This is my girl.

This situation could really hurt my body.

She will be in immeasurable pain.

I didn't understand "incompatible with life"

I cried.

I cried some more.

I was already a mom.

Moms keep their children from pain.

Time is ticking.

I'm 19.5 weeks now.

We are in Georgia.

There's a time limit, you know.

It's Labor Day now.

Doctors go on vacation.

Somehow the world around us keeps on.

Not for me.

In the interest of time...

They sent me to an abortion clinic.

Me.

At an abortion clinic.

After 20 weeks, it's illegal, you know.

It's the night before.

I ran a bath.

I said goodbye to my daughter in that tub.

Just the two of us before the world turned upside down.

Did you know...

You have to go 2 days in a row?

1 to dilate

1 for a D&E

It was brutal emotionally.

It hurt physically.

I begged to be put under.

A kind doctor took my hand.

His hands were large and warm.

He told me I would be a mom one day.

He was an angel.

I woke up in a group recovery room.

In a recliner. Next to a young girl. Maybe 13. She was also recovering. I took her hand.

My milk came in.

Nobody told me.

It hurt in my body and my soul.

I grieved. Hard.

For months and months.

I held onto a teddy bear the size of a newborn.

I ached everywhere inside and out.

It was a fluke they said.

Fast forward four months.

Pregnant again.

Scared.

Excited.

First ultrasound.

Baby’s gone.

Go to the hospital for D&C.

This is also considered abortion.

They tested the tissue.

it was a boy!

Chromosomes were normal.

Isn’t that good news?

Grief ensued.

So did genetic testing B and me.

I’m not ashamed.

I never was.

I’m what abortion looks like.

So is the 13 year old girl in that recovery room.

In Texas we’d be criminals.

Access to safe abortion is a woman’s right.

And abortion is a decision to be made between a woman, her doctor, her family, and her god.

...Not a majority white male cohort of politicians with a false sense of morality.

And your judgement?

It matters not.