Real Life Problems - Tumblr Posts
"Decretum"
SPOILER WARNING FOR PUELLA MAGI MADOKA MAGICA!
You know that scene from Madoka Magica? You know, when Sayaka battles Elsa Maria? You can find it on Youtube.
It kind of funny to me that watching/listening to it on loop almost symbolizes something my family and I are struggling with.
Sayaka, exhausted but charging into battle? That's like me coming up with an idea to at the very least improve the situation when the pain hits like a brick wall.
Her getting so easily thrown back again and again? That's my reaction to my family, both of whom come from the around the 1960's, the age where hiding your problems was the norm and that you're apparently weak if you can't fix all your problems by yourself.
Kyoko coming in to save Sayaka? That's my therapist and I, except I don't want to keep having to fight (unlike Sayaka), and my therapist is guiding me instead of trying to take over (unlike Kyoko).
Sayaka rushing in and decapitating the witch? It's me feeling like I've finally come up with an idea that will AT THE VERY LEAST make things a little better. Not to mention Sayaka's "knight in shining armor" motif. I don't necessarily want to be a hero, though. I just want the pain to lessen just a little. I want to say that I'll lessen the pain for everyone, but in the end I think it really is just me.
Her beating Elsa Maria to death? My anger and frustration when my parents say I should just let the family member that's struggling deal with it themself, and won't even give my ideas a listen all because they don't want to "look at the past". I can understand that because I don't like doing that either, but now sometimes you HAVE to face your past.
Madoka quietly pleading for Sayaka to stop? That's me in the aftermath of the arguments. I just want to pain to STOP. It's a pain I struggle with so hard and I can barely escape. I don't know how to deal with it and the thoughts of despair circle in my head in an endless loop and no matter what I do or how hard I try the thoughts WON'T STOP. They will circle for HOURS on end. No exaggeration, either. I don't say things like that unless I mean it.
And then it happens all over again...
I'm sorry if this makes no sense, especially because I can't give any context as to WHAT the situation is, but... I needed to do this and get it all out.
I'M PREGNANT AND NEED TO NOT BE. PLEASE HELP
fuck okay so I can't believe I'm making this post, but here we are.
despite birth control and my best efforts, i'm pregnant.
i can't handle this right now for a lot of reasons-- i'm going through a divorce, i'm deeply in debt due to the marriage i'm trying to end, barely staying afloat as it is working multiple jobs. i'm multiply disabled and so far have been EXTREMELY sick every day to the point of being unable to function. i don't have the time, money, physical and mental health, or resources to deal with a pregnancy, let alone a baby.
on top of all that, i have an infection they can't treat while i am pregnant, so they're trying to get this terminated as quickly as possible. i have an appointment set for Tuesday, 3/28/23 at 2pm.
my insurance does not cover abortions except in proven cases of rape or incest. all this to say, I need to somehow scrape together $600 by Tuesday for the abortion itself, plus cost of transportation. it's also been difficult to eat lately and i've been living off yogurt and the few other specific things i can keep down, so help restocking the fridge would be amazing.
i am of course gratefully accepting donations but am also just getting started as a content creator and i'm happy to do custom pics/vids etc as well.
c*shtag/v*nmo are both $wanderingivy
contact me privately for more info
please boost if you can
Language and Possible Trigger Warning...
This will sound overdramatic, but... sometimes I don't even know why I bother to hope. This month has been bad day after bad day ever since the 1st, no exaggeration.
The record of days that haven't devolved is FOUR. FUCKING FOUR DAYS OF A BREAK BEFORE EVERYTHING WENT TO HELL AGAIN.
AND AFTER THAT? FUCKING ONE!!
I'm so done right now. This family problems I've been dealing with have been at their worst! I just. Can't. TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!
It feels like it's just going to be day after day of misery and anger and confusion! I DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT'S WRONG, THIS TIME! THIS IS THE FIRST DAY THAT I'VE BEEN ALONE WITH THIS FAMILY MEMBER AND THEY SEEMED FINE YESTERDAY! WEAK, BUT FINE!!
I can't believe it took me THIS long to start crying. REALLY crying. I want to scream and throw things and just jump OUT A GODDAMN WINDOW!
I've been trying SO HARD to get into mermay and I have some ideas, but writing is exhausting and I just can't do it! This could've been the first time I ever took part in something like this, but HELL IS HERE AND IT ISN'T GOING AWAY!
This family member was going on vacation with their spouse during the first week of June and I'd FINALLY have a break and the house to myself.
Ha.
Like THAT'S actually going to happen.
It's too good to happen. It WON'T happen, simple as that. I'm not even going to hope for anything better.
It's ironic to me that the year 2020 was the year my family suffered the least, but all of 2021 and 2022 had been pain and anxiety over family members. I wanted SO BAD for this year to not be worse. These family members are just dying of old age! It's made me realize just how SHIT our country treats older people. Bodies failing, dementia, FUCK THAT! THEY CAN'T LEAVE WHEN THEY WANT BY ASKING TO BE EUTHANIZED IN A HOSPITAL AND DIE WITH DIGNITY AND AS THEMSELVES! THEY HAVE TO FUCKING SUFFER PAIN AND HUMILIATION UNTIL THEY DIE AS SHELL OF THEIR FORMER SELVES, AND EVERYONE THEY LOVE HAS TO SUFFER AND STRUGGLE AND FALL BACK INTO AWFUL HABITS AND DISEASES AND IT JUST DOESN'T END!
FUCK PEOPLE!
I just... I can't handle this anymore. I'm not going to kill myself or anything; even if I wanted to it'd be the worse thing I can do to my family. They don't need or deserve that on top of everything else.
I just want to hide and hibernate until all this pain is over. I just want to wrap myself in a blanket cocoon and sleep until everything is less shit in the world.
The person I trusted most, the one I was closest to in the entire world, is figuratively dead.
I'm Sorry
I'm sorry for flipping out a few days ago, screaming and swearing and saying "f**k the world".
I'm just so tired of real life after having family members struggle for two-and-a-half years. My grandmother, a prisoner in her own body, treated like trash in a place that was supposed to help us take care of her. My grandfather, now a widow and succumbing to dementia with my family being forced to watch because he's physically healthy (sort of) but losing his memories in a slow burn.
And that family member being affected the most by it all; struggling with a disease, alcoholism, and turning into a shadow of their former self. They were the person I felt closest to and, after drinking, they become apathetic and just... they're "taking care" of themselves in the least healthy way. AND they're stubborn as hell and don't want to get ACTUAL help!
It doesn't help that I don't have my driver's license yet because, during the time I should have used more time to learn, but I was depressed as hell and scared to even leave the house at the time.
And now I'm trapped here. Every day. Do you know what it's like having chronic anxiety and almost never getting a day's break from them dealing with a disease so drastic and unpredictable?
Earlier this week they seemed to be willing to try, but I don't even know anymore because just a day or two later was hellish. They can't remember any of it, but I can. I remember it all, and they officially broke me AND THEY HAVEN'T EVEN SAID THEY'RE SORRY!
Funny how they always apologize for relapsing, but they have yet to even acknowledge that they put my other family member and I through hell. Even if they don't remember the details they KNOW they relapsed, so them not knowing is not an excuse.
Next week they and my other family member are going on vacation for a week and I can't tell you how much we all NEED a break from our shoddy "routine". I used to have the house to myself several days a week to unwind and practice voice acting and singing without worrying about someone walking in on me. Now I'm lucky if I can even get a single day of the week to myself for just a few hours.
Call me selfish if you want, but my family and I have given so much to them and get so little in return. I don't even know if they're on board with getting help anymore, and everything has become so obscure and painful that I've run out of hope. All I can do is keep myself buried in fantasy and worlds that actually make sense.
Can we start a law that keeps the Internet a free PUBLIC PLACE for everyone and have hate groups of opportunistic, xenophobic assholes like these against the law?
Just... why? I don't get these excuses for humans that think eliminating an entire community is the answer to ANYTHING. These are SUPPOSED TO BE ADULTS, for God's sake, why don't they wise up AND ACT LIKE IT!?
I'm so sick of all this pain being casted on innocent people. People that have done nothing but exist and be different. People that want to express themselves. People that want to be SAFE. WHY IS THAT SEEN AS SO WRONG BY THE PRETENTIOUS F**KS?!
Hello Superstars! <3
I've called your attention to a super bad group/bill called, KOSA.
That's a great question, Moon!
KOSA is an organization that claims, 'to speak for GEN Z'; in reality, it is trying to pass a bill that will expose minors to their parents, completely make the internet be under all government control, and ban all lgbtqia+ /queer things, etc. off the internet to 'protect minors'.
Kosa was passed for mark up today (NOT PASSED AS A LAW.)
I know things seem dreary and hopeless, but DO NOT GIVE UP, contact your governers, sign petetions, to stop KOSA.
>POST TELLING INFO ABOUT KOSA, AND HOW TO STOP IT.
>INTERNET CENSORSHIP FAQ
>BAD INTERNET BILLS
> What can you do?
rb to also cast destruction of the entire us governement xoxox
attention. please
i have to do this again, unfortunately!
i've been homeless for a little over a year now. the place my mother and i have been staying is no longer an option, and we have to be out by tomorrow (august 8th 2023). we currently have no other shelter except our car, and i really dont know what we're going to do. its me, my mom, 3 cats and 5 kittens, and none of us have a place to go.
the money my mom is currently making isn't enough to support all of us, and we need extra money to spend on me getting an ID so i can get a job and/or get commissions up and running. alongside that, we just really really really need all the help we can possibly get in the financial department
the gofundme im linking has outdated information, but its a good place to donate if you can help us out. itd be greatly, greatly appreciated; we really need it right now if we want to continue. yknow. living
its okay if you cant donate, but please share and reblog!!!!!
hi! I am desperately in need for help. I need my insulin to bring my blood sugar back down. It’s $300 That’s all I need. I’m not asking for a windfall, just a little help, please.
Be blessed 💓🙏🙏💓
DONATE AND SHARE.
I can't do much in terms of donating, but I can help spread the word. I hope things will work out well and quickly. Best wishes to you, sir.
This is like my life in a nutshell. Reality tires and burns me out so much, especially now, and I just can't reach the right mindset to do what I want creatively.
Listen, people that hopefully come across this. If you feel alienated or something because you don't know who any of these characters are, DON'T LET THAT DISTRACT YOU.
This isn't about the characters, this is about something in real life that a lot of people NEED TO KNOW. Please, please, PLEASE reblog this and, if you can, use tags that apply to all the details in this comic so that it will reach as many people as you can
I am sincerely BEGGING you to reblog this. Even if you don't have tags, just reblogging will get more people to see it. PLEASE REBLOG. IT'S NOT HARD AT ALL. Just hit the reblog button AT LEAST. Please.
Putting all of the tags on this took a simple five minutes. I swear that's the maximum. Please just reblog.
September is PCOS awareness month. I've been hard at work on this comic. I've used my comfort ocs and characters in order to describe my experience with PCOS. I always put a part of myself in my ocs when I make them. In this comic, Pexio is worried he can't help the human he's assigned to as a guardian pinata because he doesn't understand the condition she's been diagnosed with. Ana teaches Pexio and JJ about PCOS and the effects it can have on women mentally, emotionally and physically. (with Sun and Moon's help) If any of my art were to blow up and get a ton of attention, please let it be this comic. I was invalidated, lost and hating myself thanks to my PCOS, other conditions and issues on top of it and...toxicity. I still am. Even with some of the help I'm finally getting after so long. If I can do one thing, I want to touch someone's heart. I want to make them feel seen and valid. I want to give someone else the validation and love that I didn't get. I hope you enjoy the comic :3 I put my heart and soul into it.
Um... Hi!
Yeah... it's been a loooong while, huh? ^_^;
I mean, the time between now and when I went inactive was a clusterf--k of trying to regulate emotions, a family member struggling with their alcoholism issue, a CAT that got so anxious she had cysts in her ears and had to wear a Cone of Shame for two weeks (poor girl's still freaked out), worries about my future, a fight with my parents (resolved now, mostly), confusion over how I want my blog to be set up... it's been a lot, and that's not even all of it!
I can't tell you just how badly my brain is fried. XD But I'm hoping I can start being on more. I'd love to make a bunch of posts about pictures on my Switch, after I sync up my iCloud or however that goes. (I am just SO savvy with technology, aren't I? XD)
Also thinking of updating my "About Me" post - make it a little less vague over what's okay and what's not okay to say or do.
'Kay, I'm gonna lie down now. Have a good day/night/etc., everyone~.
Can a Youtube employee that actually cares (if there is one...) please kindly get the spamming bots TO FUCK OFF!?! HONESTLY, I'M READING THE COMMENTS ON FILM THEORY AND BIG BUSINESSES USING AI ILLEGALLY AND ALL I SEE IN THE REPLIES IS
"MaTpAT iS lEaViNg I'M hAvInG a PaRtY mY tHeOrIeS aRe BeTeRRR"
Stupid. FUCKING. BOTS! IN A VIDEO ABOUT AI THEFT AND BIG BUSINESSES USING PROPAGANDA TO EASE THE AVERAGE PERSON INTO ACCEPTING AI ART AND ACTORS!
I don't know what's worse; the disrespect to the topic and MatPat, the irony of the situation, or how there don't seem to be any comforting facts in the videos about AI theft. We're all just frogs boiling, like he said.
I'm probably overreacting. It's just there so much shit going on in my life right now that I don't feel comfortable talking about. I don't want to trauma dump on my friends. I don't want to pour all of my emotions out on some post that takes hours to make and nobody even notices.
I'm just going to go see if I can distract myself because it's all I can do. Barely works, but it's the only thing I've been able to do for months without getting snapped at for DARING to have emotional responses to a shit situation.
Please, PLEASE HELP (PET CAT IS IN TROUBLE)!
Since the beginning of spring my family's two American Curl cats, Max and Chloe, have been seriously sick. We lost Max just under a week ago, and Chloe could die in DAYS because she refuses to eat.
CATS WON'T EAT IF THEY CAN'T SMELL THEIR FOOD! It's the stupidest thing, but it's how it works. They don't default to other senses like sight.
Now, Max had already gone past his breed's life expectancy. Chloe could still have a few more years. But for over a week, she hasn't left this little cat tent unless with give her a figurative push (as in, I have to basically tip the tent sideways just to get her out). Her nose is blocked by mucus--it's even dripping out of her nostril today, and I thought we were past that because her nose looked okay a day or two ago. Guess not...
I've been trying to find info on how to feed cats that are completely missing their sense of smell and I've found NOTHING.
PLEASE! IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE WE CAN DO PLEASE TELL ME!
We can't lose Chloe yet, not when we just lost Max...
I'm so Done Right Now (Trigger Warning)
If you looked at my last couple posts, well, first off I hope you went into your settings and turned this FILTHY THEFT OFF.
Second, maybe this isn't the way it actually works, but I am SICK AND TIRED of big businesses barging into social media, OUR turf and our place of freedom of expression, and started infringing and ruining everything because money.
I'm SICK of this outdated-capitalism-only lifestyle. It treats money as more important than people and, as we've seen, tosses out and spits on morals and empathy. Even the concepts that are just fucking COMMON SENSE are being shredded because someone high up in a rigged system has more money than the average person.
There could be someone who has (and probably still will) abused children, specifically child actors, for over a decade, has ruined those lives, have destroyed people's hard-earned careers because of tantrum throwing and severe sexism, and forced their fetish onto everyone else (including those children!) and didn't care if it made them uncomfortable or not.
A person like this should be in jail, BUT THEY CERTAINLY AREN'T BECAUSE A BUSINESS THAT SHOULD BE APPALLED BY THIS BEHAVIOR DOESN'T EVEN GIVE A FUCK BECAUSE THIS PERSON MADE THEM MORE MONEY.
I just... HOW HAVE HUMANS LIVED SO LONG? HOW HAVE WE LIVED FOR THOUSANDS OF YEARS AND ONLY LEARNED ABOUT TREATING EVERYONE WITH KINDNESS AND FAIRNESS BARELY MORE THAN 70 YEARS AGO!?
I'm so sorry for everything that's happened to you and your newborns, but thank you for sharing. You're absolutely right -- we don't need a gathering of holier-than-thou white supremist jerks to make a choice for the people actually going through this kind of experience.
THIS IS THE BUSINESS OF PEOPLE ACTUALLY DEALING WITH THIS TOPIC. NOT DELUSIONAL KNOW-IT-ALLS THAT DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW REPRODUCTION WORKS.
I was 30 years old.
I was married.
We were happy.
We were established.
Our 401k runneth over.
We decided to start a family.
I got pregnant right away.
Like right away.
We were over the moon.
I kept a journal of every day of the magic.
I got a bump.
I felt our baby kick.
I embraced it fully.
I rejected tests because "it won't change our path"
Emily sent out baby shower invitations.
The nursery was under way.
And then.
I'm almost halfway there!
I'm 18 and a half weeks pregnant.
The doctor called.
It was 7pm.
I was out at dinner with my friend Deb.
I stepped outside.
The day before on a whim I agreed to a blood test.
"There's probably nothing to worry about but we need you to come in. There's a 1 in 36 chance something is wrong"
I called Liza sobbing.
My sister told me to lay out 36 straws and see that there's still such a good chance that everything is fine.
I didn't sleep.
We drove up to Forsyth because that was the first available amniocentesis.
The needle was long.
The room was dark.
The news was really bad.
I changed in that moment forever.
It's a girl!
We had named her Audrey.
Audrey Roesel -- the girl who will make me a mom.
She was missing her nasal bone.
Her kidneys were tiny.
Her heart was missing a chamber.
She had an extra chromosome.
Part of her brain wasn't formed.
Her head was growing at a rate 4x faster than her limbs.
I want to be a mom.
This is my girl.
This situation could really hurt my body.
She will be in immeasurable pain.
I didn't understand "incompatible with life"
I cried.
I cried some more.
I was already a mom.
Moms keep their children from pain.
Time is ticking.
I'm 19.5 weeks now.
We are in Georgia.
There's a time limit, you know.
It's Labor Day now.
Doctors go on vacation.
Somehow the world around us keeps on.
Not for me.
In the interest of time...
They sent me to an abortion clinic.
Me.
At an abortion clinic.
After 20 weeks, it's illegal, you know.
It's the night before.
I ran a bath.
I said goodbye to my daughter in that tub.
Just the two of us before the world turned upside down.
Did you know...
You have to go 2 days in a row?
1 to dilate
1 for a D&E
It was brutal emotionally.
It hurt physically.
I begged to be put under.
A kind doctor took my hand.
His hands were large and warm.
He told me I would be a mom one day.
He was an angel.
I woke up in a group recovery room.
In a recliner. Next to a young girl. Maybe 13. She was also recovering. I took her hand.
My milk came in.
Nobody told me.
It hurt in my body and my soul.
I grieved. Hard.
For months and months.
I held onto a teddy bear the size of a newborn.
I ached everywhere inside and out.
It was a fluke they said.
Fast forward four months.
Pregnant again.
Scared.
Excited.
First ultrasound.
Baby’s gone.
Go to the hospital for D&C.
This is also considered abortion.
They tested the tissue.
it was a boy!
Chromosomes were normal.
Isn’t that good news?
Grief ensued.
So did genetic testing B and me.
I’m not ashamed.
I never was.
I’m what abortion looks like.
So is the 13 year old girl in that recovery room.
In Texas we’d be criminals.
Access to safe abortion is a woman’s right.
And abortion is a decision to be made between a woman, her doctor, her family, and her god.
...Not a majority white male cohort of politicians with a false sense of morality.
And your judgement?
It matters not.
Please if you says yes tell me how do I tell my parents
If you says no give me cheat technique
My libido says, “Fuck every day…you need to get your dick wet”. But my social battery says, “Stay home and masturbate”