Deckofcookiez - Just Utter Chaos - Tumblr Blog

poor little boy Adam ☹️

Don’t think I ever posted these, but I colored a couple of those doodles I did of Adam awhile back. I think they look better with color and shading tbh

Just as a reminder, I am not supporting Alex Kister! I am, however, separating the art from the artist; and I will continue to appreciate the characters and draw/write about them, as I believe they are still fascinating and good characters.

I will probably be posting a lot of my old art in bursts here for a bit—mostly TMC, but probably stuff of other fandoms and OCs too. Kinda wanna get it all out there now, before the fandom, uh… probably… kinda dies. Oof…

I think I’ll probably start putting warnings on anything TMC related I may post in the future, sort of how the TribeTwelve community seems to do in regards to their similar situation. Feel free to block TMC tags if you don’t want to see it at all.

I’m also gonna just start posting art of other stuff in general, once I kinda catch up on all the art I’ve done already. For now gonna just… get this all out there, and then probably try to take a break from TMC for a little bit. Focus my attention on more than just a single interest, haha.

The Alex Kister Situation

Alright; I've been more of a lurker on here for awhile, but for months now--almost a year--I've been a massive fan of the Mandela Catalogue, and this fandom has been a major form of escapism and safety for me. So, I feel the need to say something about the current situation.

To start, I'm putting a link to the document with all of the information about what happened, as it's important to read it and learn about this whole situation in depth:

With that out of the way, I just wanted to share my own personal opinion; personally, Mandela Catalogue has legitimately become my special interest. I have pretty much obsessed over it ever since I first found it, and everything I've written or drawn since then has been to do with it. It's been very important to me, especially due to the community here on tumblr, as this fandom is probably the most supportive and open places on the internet I've found. I feel a lot more connected because of it, and it made me feel comfortable and safe.

I was in a bad mental space today, and when I found out about this, I had a pretty bad breakdown--some might call it an overreaction, but you don't know just how dependent my mental health had become on this series and fandom. (I will be working on avoiding this habit in the future, as it isn't healthy to depend so heavily on one interest)

After reading through the document, and just seeing so many opinions and contributions from others, I am almost certain that these allegations are true. But I always, always listen to all perspectives before making judgement, so I will not be going full "I hate Alex, he's a despicable person!!" before Alex gives his own point of view.

That being said, I do believe Alex has serious issues that he needs to get handled. I am hesitant to call this pedophilia, as from what I've gathered, he didn't seem to have active malicious intent towards minors(correct me if I missed something that said otherwise)--rather, I get the impression that Alex simply doesn't understand boundaries, and genuinely saw his fans as mutuals. He seems to be a person who's manipulative--whether intentionally or not--and his personal relationships, platonic, romantic, or sexual, turn very toxic because of this. So, trying to have personal relationships with fans, people who look up to him and see him in a very different light, results in inevitable toxicity as well.

I get the sense that Alex simply is a young person, struggling with mental health and gender dysphoria, who was thrust into extreme popularity very suddenly, and doesn't have the maturity level to handle it properly. Overall, I do not support him, if he continues to act like this--if he makes genuine, real efforts to deal with his mental health and his unhealthy behaviours, I would respect him for that. I wouldn't look at him quite the same, but as long as someone makes genuine efforts to better themself after doing something wrong, I appreciate and respect that, and may eventually give forgiveness. But, if he doesn't make those efforts, if he continues his patterns and refuses to try and get better, then that is on him and at that point I have lost any and all respect for him. At that point, you are not a good or reasonable person, in my eyes.

Regardless of how things go with Alex himself, though, I want to say...

You do not have to support a creator to enjoy their work!!

I am a huge fan of Danny Phantom, and that show's creator is a genuine piece of shit. Like, a truly despicable human being. That fandom successfully has, just... completely ripped the show and characters from their creator. They have cut him out entirely, nothing he says holds any impact or meaning to them and it hasn't for years. He's seriously fallen off. And it's still a fun, active fandom! The people in there are super neat!!

And, hell, look at the whole mess with J. K. Rowling!! She is an absolutely disgusting person. But so many people grew up with Harry Potter, and still like her stories, without actively supporting her--lots of creators turn out to be really awful people, but that doesn't mean that what they made is automatically awful as well. They still have some kind of creative ability, that happened to produce something that garnered a significant amount of attention.

We don't need Alex to still enjoy the concept, characters, and overall story he's created. We can still make fanworks, still appreciate what it is that drew us to the series in the first place.

Honestly, out of everything that the fallout of this would bring, I was most terrified of the fandom itself dying, as that is what truly matters the most to me. This place, these people are so important to me, and I am so scared of this community falling apart. I've already seen plenty of people stating that they will no longer be associating with TMC, and are just completely distancing themselves from it. It feels like things are already dying and disappearing and it really, really fucking hurts.

I guess what I'm trying to say, is that... if that is your choice, if you truly do not want to associate with TMC anymore whatsoever, then I don't blame you for it. I understand if you can't look at the series the same way after this, and I respect that choice.

But you don't have to, if it still means anything to you. Fandoms are more than just their creators--they're the community that has been built around the work, and this community is possibly the best one I've ever been in. I don't want to see it die. So, just know, that you can still love this fandom, this story, these characters, without supporting Alex. You can still draw the characters, make OCs, write fanfiction, etc. He won't get money from that--only from directly watching his content or buying his merch.

Finally, I'd like to say to go support the victims. They didn't deserve this--no matter what Alex's intentions were. Please support them, and regardless of how this turns out, do not continue actively supporting Alex Kister. I am sure that, whatever his intentions were, he did still harm people and that is not okay.

Also, this is all just my own opinion, based on what I know; I was not in the discord, I don't have Twitter, I don't personally know anyone involved and I have not seen everything regarding the situation as a whole. I simply felt I should state my current opinion, as I'm seeing a lot of people freaking out and spiraling and just leaving the fandom entirely. I wanted to remind people that it's okay to still enjoy this fandom and be a part of it, without Alex. My opinion may change some with new information I find, but overall, I am of the opinion that Alex should not be supported, while the Mandela Catalogue itself can be separated from him and still be enjoyed and appreciated.

And, whatever happens... Adam Murray, Jonah Marshall and Thatcher Davis are officially honorary characters in my stash of little guys. If he's not fit to keep them then they will become my creative outlet instead (and others who love them, obviously). They're very special characters to me, I can't express just how many things I have written and drawn to do with them, and I refuse to give them up.

(another addition, regarding the apparent 'alter egos' Alex apparently had: Possibly consider DID? I know a lot of people with DID will often mistake it for other things, including simply being gender non-conforming, when in actuality they really have alters that just identify differently. Not diagnosing, I don't know enough about him to make any real claims--it was just a thought.)

Just because I’m curious now:

HUMANITY ISSUES TOURNAMENT FINALS

TUMBLR ASLEEP POST TMCBLR LORE ANIMATION

LEFT BRACKET SEMIFINALS

Here’s a bunch of misc Adam doodles cuz I haven’t stopped obsessing over him-

Made these while at Dragoncon, it was nice to have art inspo for once ^^

I enjoy horrific shapeshifter shenanigans. Might make a post bout how I imagine it works for Adam at some point, we’ll see tho- I’ve got many, many thoughts on the subject lol

Pls ignore the hand below melty Adam, I drew it to practice hand anatomy first and I liked it and didn’t wanna erase it so. I just. fit him in above it- qvq

ATTENTION

If you see this you are OBLIGATED to reblog w/ the song currently stuck in your head :)

Overwhelming Anxiety

REVIVAL ROUND (Remember: The character with the LEAST VOTES will be eliminated. The other 2 will continue)

..Did I

Did I mention that I love Adam?

Like a lot…??

he has talked to me again. the man in the corner. the man in the TV ITHURTSSOMUCHITHURTSSOMUCHITHURTSSOMUCH tru th has beeen reve     aled THURTSSOMUCHITHURTSSOMUCH ITHURTSSOMUCHITHURTSSOMUCHITHURTSSOMUCHITHURTSSOMUCHITHURTSSOMUCHITHURTSS

Bro I can't express how much it makes me wanna scream. This poor man literally went his whole life wondering wtf was wrong with him, why his life made such little sense, and he dug into every little thing he could find to explain it all and help him just.. understand, for once. Only to learn that he IS the very thing he's been studying relentlessly for YEARS. His life doesn't make any sense, because it wasn't HIS LIFE to begin with. He stole someone else's life without even knowing it, a CHILD for that matter, and he hasn't even done much good with it- he only ever drives people away, and hurts those who get too close. And he can't even escape that gut-wrenching guilt and self-hatred, can't neutralize the threat of himself, because he PHYSICALLY is INCAPABLE OF DYING. It's a miserable, hopeless experience, and a downright horrific and depressing concept.

And also, the idea that once he loses his form at all, he may never go back to normal??? Like.. think about that; maintaining an entire human form with nothing but your own will and consciousness? That has to be SOOOO difficult and mentally taxing. He has to be aware of every little aspect of his body, holding every pice together. I think the only way he blended in just as well as he did, because of him being unaware of his true nature. He truly believed he was human, and that made it easier to slip into the role, both mentally and physically. Now that he knows, he's hyper aware of his body, of just how close he is to collapsing in on himself at every waking moment. Who's to say he'll even be able to remember everything about himself well enough to recreate it exactly how it should be? He's the only him there is, now- there's no one to mimic except for pictures of himself. That has to be so disturbing and terrifying for him, the idea that at the drop of a hat, he could lose his entire identity forever.

I think about him so fucking much dude, this guy has consumed my entire brain- I can't think of anything except for his extreme existentialism and my desperate desire for Jonah to live and him, Sarah and Eve to help Adam through this. Also despairduo. Thatcher and Adam make me so fucking sad ugghhhhh T^T

I would say more, a hell of a lot more actually, but I probably need to stop cuz I'm in the middle of a zoom call and supposed to be paying attention lmao-

words cannot describe how much adam's identity as an alternate fucks me up no matter how many thinkpieces i make on the matter. how does it feel to have your life be built on lies and false memories, adam? how does it feel knowing you stole away the life of a helpless, lonely child, adam? how does it feel knowing that not even your name is your own, "adam"? how does it feel to be one of the monsters that you despise, that terrorize your loved ones? how does it feel knowing that you were the biggest undetected threat to people you care about? how does it feel knowing you've hurt them and might continue hurting them for that reason? how does it feel knowing you could bring it all down on a whim and no one could save them?

do you even feel?

Atom huhuhuhu

Said I was gonna post art, here the fuck I am-

Mandela Catalogue will not leave my brain alone. This fucker in particular -_-

Adam, Jonah and Thatcher my beloveds <3 <3

Anyways, here’s other versions of this silly drawing that took like 12 fucking hours cuz I’m too indecisive for my own good lol

I liked the glowyness of the top ones but I was trying to go for an “in a city alleyway at night” vibe and that was going in a different direction lol

The spirally background ones were just me having fun while tryna make shadows

And then there’s the one without a background just cuz. it looks nice hehe ^^

anyways I’m gonna go disappear for another few months now while I re-binge Marble Hornets and read/write tmc fan fiction, byyyyeeee~

got called into the living room because "they're talking about something you'll like on tv" and it was a documentary about arsenic poisoning

Ok I have not posted shit in like. almost a year probably, and I doubt many people will even see this, but I’ve been obsessed w it h mandela catalogue lately and the new video last night has my brain SCREAMING and I just. AGGGHH.

Someone figured out that a potential message of the computer flashing, in Morse code, is “I’m still hiding.”

Evelin comments on Dave’s mustache looking fake.

Who plays Dave? Alex Kister.

Who else does Alex play?

Mark fucking Heathcliff.

BRO. B R O

I AM SCREAMING SOMEONE EVEN HAD THIS AS A JOKE THEORY BUT WHAT IF ALEX IS ACTUALLY IMPLYING THAT MARK IS STILL ALIVE AND DAVE IS MARK IN HIDING HOLY FUCKING SHIT ADAAHAFSFSJSGAKWOHNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???????????

I am losing my shit

This is so fucking funny to me, I was even spending so long thinking about that message, trying to figure out if it’s mark or Dave since they both “died”… AND IT TOOK ME THAT LONG TO REALIZE

WHAT IF IT WAS BOTH????? GODDAMN

Fuck

aLSO DADTCHER FOR THE FUXKING WIIIIIIINNNNNN!!!!!! AND EVELIN AND SARAH TEAMING UP????? FUCK YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!THOSE GIRLS ARE GONNA COMMIT SO MANY CRIMES HELL YESSSSSSS

Alright, ramble over, just needed to get that out there ^^

Have a nice day :D

I may or may not have designed a human Bendy

Not for any real reason, I just noticed that there weren’t a lot of human Bendy designs, and decided to try making my own! :D

I kinda see him as this spastic, mischievous little 10 y/o, who wears extra fancy clothes, all the time, just for fun lol

Glowy ✨

It makes me happy to know this fandom is still so alive after nearly 2 decades

Have a ghosty boi ✨

(I cannot draw his hair, it’s making me insane-)

Hmmmm….

Have some more Nightmare doodles ✨

(Featuring my various different styles lmao)

Purple bean ✨💜

Hello, have some smol beans

This is older art, but it’s still good

Very catchy song, it got stuck in my head for days oof TvT

Anyways, have the twins being adorable, because I’m basically incapable of making anything else! :D

Wowie, I’ve got Tumblr now, isn’t this neat

Have a lil ‘Mare in casual clothes! :D