delacyrose224

eternallygyu

Just a 30-something K-Pop stan.Masterlist: The Jukebox

583 posts

'Tis The Damn Season

'Tis the Damn Season

-Pairing: Namjoon x reader

-Words: 3.5k

-Ratings/warnings: SFW, angsty but with fluff, sex is alluded to/mentioned (but nothing explicit), non-idol AU

-Author's Note: Just in case you wanted an angsty antidote to the fluffy holiday story I published the other day, here you go! This feels way different than anything else I've ever written to me. Something about Joon just makes me want to be angsty...but it does end on a positive note. Inspired by Taylor Swift's 'tis the damn season. Enjoy!

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“But I’m right where you left me…”

You reach for your car stereo to turn the music off as you drum your fingers against the steering wheel. The last thing you needed was a reminder of how much things hadn’t changed since you left home. Sure, you lived in the city now with a different job, but that was about it. You still had no idea what you were doing with your life. You had all these grand plans to write your own book, get published, book tours, the whole thing. Yet every time you managed to send out your manuscript, it got rejected. You couldn’t bear hearing ‘no’ another time, so you gave up about a year and a half into it.

You decided you would have a fresh start, try writing something else. Only problem is, every time you sat in front of your computer, you just stared at the screen. Willing yourself to have a thought that you could put to words-nothing. You’d been too scared to tell your parents or any of your friends about how difficult it had become, so they were all under the impression that you were almost done writing a whole book.

You sigh as these thoughts take you through the streets of your hometown, all the way to your parents’ driveway. They’d convinced you that you should spend the holidays with them this year, rather than them driving into the city to stay with you like they had the past few years. This is the first time you’d been back since you left a few years ago…yet somehow, everything looks the same.

As you throw your car into park, your phone chirps at you, alerting you to an incoming text.

Joon: Hey, your mom told me you’d be in town for Christmas…we should catch up!

Kim Namjoon. Your high school best friend, who you’d lost contact with for the most part since you moved away after finishing college. Of course your mother ran into him and told him you’d be here.

It’s not that you don’t want to see him, necessarily. It’s just…you’d changed. And you assume he had as well. Three years ago when you’d moved away, things had been complicated. You’d both figured out you’d been dancing around feelings for each other for a long time. There had never been a good time to say anything, because you’d be dating someone, then he would be. It all had come to a head the night before you moved away, both of you crying when you decided long distance was not something you were willing to try, and things would be too different once you were gone.

You hadn’t seen him since, and the only communication you’d had was an occasional text message for birthdays or just seeing how you each were doing. Before you can think too hard, you shoot off a reply.

Yeah sure. Booked Up on Wednesday? 3?

You throw out the suggestion of your old hometown haunt, a bookstore and cafe downtown. He sends a reply in the affirmative, and you gather your things and head inside your parents’ house.

They are overjoyed to see you, full of hugs and questions about how you’ve been. You can feel some of your stress melt away as you chat about how you’ve been, your dad taking your things to your old room and your mom sitting you down with a cup of coffee in the living room.

—-------------------------------------------

You rapidly adjust to a schedule of sleeping in, helping your mom with meals, and chatting with your dad about the news each day. You start to feel some of your stress lessen, until Wednesday afternoon rolls around and you’re heading downtown to meet Namjoon. How would this whole thing go? Would it be like nothing had changed? Or everything?

The bell over the door at Booked Up tinkles as you walk in, a smile immediately coming to your face as you remember afternoons after school curled up in an armchair, reading whatever YA fantasy had caught your attention while sipping on a latte and stealing glances at the boy who would be across from you, brows furrowed as he read his newest philosophy tome.

Your face falls as you see the boy in question, now a man, sitting in his normal chair, the same furrowed brows as always. He glances up as the door closes behind you, a huge smile lighting up his face when he realizes it’s you. His book is placed on a side table, and before you’ve had time to realize what’s happening, he’s enveloped you in a hug, the woodsy notes of his cologne invading your nostrils. You reach your hands behind his broad back, returning the embrace.

“Take a seat, I’ll grab you a drink,” he smiles, rushing off before you have the chance to reply.

You sink into an armchair opposite his, watching him order from a friendly barista. He returns a few minutes later, handing you a steaming mug while warning you that it’s hot.

“A honey latte?” you ask, incredulous.

“Of course, that’s what you’d always get after school when we’d come here. I may not have seen you in a few years, but I haven’t forgotten.” A dimple forms in his cheek as he smiles over at you, and you find yourself echoing his grin.

Maybe this wouldn’t be as awkward as you’d feared on the drive over. You’re able to easily slide into conversation as if you’ve never left, catching each other up on your lives. Namjoon is a high school English teacher, and has never left town. He lives alone, though he tells you he’d have a pet if he thought he could keep one alive. Instead, he’s settled for plants and has proven to have somewhat of a green thumb.

He asks about your life in the ‘big city’, as he puts it. You laugh, telling him about your job, your friends, your dog. You leave out that you haven’t published anything, or accomplished any of the goals you’d set for yourself three years ago when you left.

Namjoon can tell you’re not quite telling him everything, but he doesn’t press for more. Instead, he offers to walk you to your car when you realize you’d promised your mom to help cook dinner. As you’re about to get into your car, he suddenly reaches out and grabs your arm, causing you to look back.

“Hey, would you uh…want to drive around and see Christmas lights with me Friday night? Like old times? The kids get out of school for the holidays that day, and I haven’t been able to do much of anything I’d consider festive yet…only if you want to, of course.” He scratches the back of his neck, looking nervous.

“I’d love to,” you reply easily, happy that things aren’t weird between the two of you. You have no idea why he’s acting nervous, but you chalk it up to the fact that you haven’t seen each other in years.

You find yourself looking forward to Friday night, telling your parents that you’re spending time with Namjoon. They share a look between each other with small smiles on their faces.

“Why are you smiling like that?”

They simply laugh and tell you nothing, they’re just glad the two of you are hanging out again.

—----------------------------------------

When Friday rolls around, you drive over to the empty parking lot between the high school and the Methodist church that sits next door. As you climb out of the driver’s seat, you see Namjoon walking towards you from the school, giving you a small wave as he does so. Once again, you’re enveloped by his embrace as he greets you. This time, the familiar smell of his cologne stirs a warm feeling inside of you that you can’t quite name.

As he draws away from you, he leads you to his car, mud caked all over the tires.

“There was a big rainstorm the other day,” he comments as he notices you looking.

“And you were driving in it?”

“I come and park my car here sometimes when it’s raining, it helps me think. Reminds me of when we used to come here.” He shrugs, but you notice a tinge of sadness flickering in his eyes.

You choose not to comment on it, instead climbing into his passenger seat. You notice two to-go cups sitting in his cup holder, both clearly steaming.

“What’s that?” you ask, gesturing towards the middle console.

“Hot chocolate from Booked Up. You really think I was going to take you to see Christmas lights without bringing hot chocolate? I’m offended.” He places a hand over his chest for emphasis, and you laugh. He laughs along with you, his dimples making another appearance. The same warm feeling that happened when he hugged you returns, but even stronger. You choose again to ignore it.

You drive around in silence, the only sound filling the air is Christmas music from the radio. It’s not uncomfortable, rather you’re just enjoying being in each others’ presence. You stare out at the houses covered in multicolor string lights, musing over how long it’s been since you’ve done this with your former best friend.

“Joon?”

He glances over, surprised by your use of his old nickname…he hasn’t heard it in years.

“Yeah?”

“Are you happy?” You refuse to look at him as you ask, choosing to stare out the window instead.

Seeing you not looking over, Namjoon stares out in front of him instead. “I think so…I really love my job, the town, and my plants,” he chuckles. “The city’s not too far away if I want to go to a museum or festival.”

There’s a long silence where neither of you says anything.

“I miss you, though.” He offers into the space, letting it settle over you. “Are you happy?”

Another long silence.

“Not really.” You feel tears threatening to spill over your lash line, though you’re still staring at houses dripping in Christmas lights. “I…I haven’t managed to publish anything. My friends and family think I’m working on a brand new project, but I haven’t finished the first. Instead, I’m doing menial grunt work for everyone else while my creativity is just dying.”

“...oh.” Namjoon breathes out beside you, not sure what else to say.

“I missed you too.” This time, you glance over at the man beside you, tears falling freely down your face.

Without you noticing, Namjoon has pulled his car back into the parking lot you left from.

He turns to you, wiping tears away with his thumbs as his hands cradle your face. You can see the beginnings of tears swimming in his own eyes.

“I-I wish you never left,” he manages to stutter.

There’s yet another silence between you in the space of the car, but this time the warm feeling rises up in you again as the man beside you gazes over at you. Instead of tamping it down, you choose to embrace it, just as Namjoon had embraced you upon your return.

“...I’m here now, Joon.” You lean tentatively towards him across the console, and he meets you halfway, holding your face in his hands.

“Is this okay?” he breathes, warmth fanning across your face. Your answer is your lips meeting his, gently at first but growing more insistent as he eagerly responds. His hands tangle in your hair, your tongue probing to get access to his mouth, which he grants with no hesitation.

After a few minutes, he pulls back and looks at you hesitantly.

“Do you…want to go back to my place?”

You nod shyly, and he smiles in response. As he starts the car again, he places a hand on your thigh, gently tracing shapes on your skin the whole drive to his apartment. He leads you upstairs to the third floor, and as soon as he’s closed the door behind the two of you, he’s pinned you to the wall in the foyer, lips on your neck.

“Joon…” you manage to sigh out, connecting your lips again as you stumble towards his bedroom.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?” he mumbles into your skin as he peppers kisses across your collarbone, both of you having fallen on top of the bed.

“I don’t know why we didn’t do this years ago,” you respond, rolling on top of him and starting to unbutton his shirt.

The two of you explore each other all night, and you’re shocked at how easy it all feels. Natural, like you’ve been in a relationship your whole lives. Each taking the utmost care when it comes to the other, and falling asleep in his arms late into the night.

—--------------------------------------------

You wake around noon the next day, only to find a vacant space next to you. You’re about to call out for Namjoon when he rounds the corner with a breakfast tray, setting it on your lap as you sit up.

You raise an eyebrow questioningly at his actions, and he just laughs.

“I can’t sleep past nine anymore these days, I’m too used to going to work early.”

He climbs into bed beside you as you start to eat, picking up a book from his bedside table and sliding glasses on.

You eat in comfortable silence, sneaking glances over at Namjoon every so often, his brows furrowed while he reads just like always. The warm feeling invades your chest again, leading you to move the breakfast tray aside, sliding over to lean against the man beside you, landing a quick kiss on his cheek.

His brows unfurrow, only to be replaced by his dimples and he looks over at you.

“Hi, babe.” He smiles down at you, and the affectionate nickname takes you by surprise, causing a grin to break across your face.

“Hi.”

—--------------------------------------------

You fall into a comfortable routine with Namjoon, spending any time away from your family with him, oftentimes spending the night at his apartment. However, as the week and the holidays dwindle away, you realize you’re due to drive back into the city the following day while with Namjoon at Booked Up.

“What do you think of this one?” He holds up another book to you, red with embossed gold letters.

“...I’m leaving tomorrow,” you mutter quietly in response.

“What?”

“I said, I’m leaving tomorrow,” you repeat, looking at the floor.

Namjoon quickly shelves the book in his hand, walking closer to you, fingers gently lifting your chin to face him.

“It feels like you just got here.” He murmurs in return, thumb gently stroking your cheek.

“I know.”

“Well…what does that mean for us?” Namjoon sounds nervous as he asks, eyes searching yours for some shred of hope to hold onto.

“There is no us, Joon. I have to go back, the city is too far, and like I told you, I’ve not been successful anyway. I can’t even write.”

His shoulders fall, foot scuffing the floor as he avoids eye contact.

“But you could just-”

“Don’t ask me to stay, you know I won’t. You asked me that last time and it didn’t work.” Your eyes start filling with tears thinking back on when you left last time, almost a carbon copy of the scene that’s playing out before you.

“This is different,” he states simply.

You shake your head. “No, it’s not. I have to go back. This week has been great, but that’s all it was…this week.”

Namjoon’s face steels over in resolve. “Fine. Can we at least keep in contact more than before?” His eyes hold a small glimmer of hope as he searches your face.

“Yes, I think that would be okay.”

The corners of his lips turn up, though the smile doesn’t quite meet his eyes. He simply nods and leans in to kiss your forehead.

“Safe travels,” he murmurs against your skin, then turns and leaves you standing in the bookstore as if you’d always been alone.

—------------------------------------------

The drive back to the city is quiet, save for your music gently playing in the background. You keep running over your conversation with Namjoon in your mind…you made the right decision. Right?

“But I’m right where you left me…”

The same song plays through your speaker as on your trip home, making you grimace. You really were in the same place as before…the only difference this time being that you’d reconnected (and slept with) the man you’d had a crush on all throughout high school and college, but here you were, the same broken girl who couldn’t write or publish a book, couldn’t tell her parents or friends the truth, and apparently couldn’t handle her own feelings.

A sense of déjà vu creeps over you as you pull into your apartment’s parking garage, your phone chirping with a text notification.

Joon: Hope you made it back safely. FaceTime tonight?

You can’t help the small smile that fights its way onto your face as you respond. You grab your things out of your backseat, and hurry up to your apartment to escape the cold. You’re greeted by your dog as you open the door, excited to see you after a week of being taken care of by one of your best friends, Jimin.

You put your bag down, and decide to try and work on your book on the couch. It stares at you like always, blankly. You have no idea where to start, and so decide to place an order for takeout delivery from your favorite restaurant. An hour later, you have made no progress and the doorbell rings.

You get up from the couch, plodding over to the door, opening it…only to see Namjoon standing in front of you.

“I think this is yours?” He holds up a bag of food.

“What are you doing here?”

“Can I come in?” He ignores your question to ask one of his own.

“Yes, of course…but what are you doing here?” you repeat, closing the door behind him.

“I decided FaceTime wasn’t enough. You said you had to go back, that the city was too far, so I came to you instead.” He plops down on the couch, placing your takeout on the table in front of him. He then starts unpacking the food, making sure everything that’s on the receipt is in the bag.

You round the table and take a seat next to him, knees touching. “You came here…just to see me?”

He nods nonchalantly, placing a plate of food in front of you. You take the plate and look at him incredulously. You can’t believe he’s driven here just to see you…this was certainly different than before.

He pulls out a book to read while you’re eating, and once you’re done, you scoot closer to him.

“What are you reading?” You peer over his shoulder, trying to catch a glimpse of the words.

“Wouldn’t you love to know?”

You nod with a smile on your face. “I wasn’t asking for fun.”

“Here,” he pats his lap, motioning for you to lay your head down. “I’ll read to you.”

It turns out that it’s a coming-of-age story, one that you quickly get engrossed in. You’re listening with rapt attention, so invested that it takes you a second to realize that Namjoon’s free hand that isn’t holding the book is carding slowly through your hair. The warmth you’ve come to associate with the man sitting in front of you blooms in your chest and spreads through your whole body. Suddenly, you have an idea and sit straight up, almost jostling the book from his grasp.

“Is everything okay?” he asks, concern lacing his features.

You don’t answer, instead racing over to your laptop, waking it from sleep mode. The blank page blinks up at you, but instead of being overwhelmed by it, it excites you. You reach out to the keys, slowly typing out the first sentence of your book.

“It always leads to you and my hometown.”

As the words sit in front of you, you can’t help but smile. You turn back to Namjoon, who finds your smile infectious, his own forming on his face.

“I just started my book. Finally.”

“Wait, really? What’s it about?” Namjoon is shocked at your news, but feels pride swell in his chest at your words.

“It’s about you…about us.” You reply bashfully, color working its way onto your cheeks.

“Really?” His voice is small, surprised. You nod.

In reply, he rushes over to you, grabbing your hands and forcing you to stand. Once you’re in front of him, he picks you up and twirls you around in a tight hug, his embrace starting to feel more and more like home.

You look up at him once he’s placed you back on your feet, joy sparkling in his eyes.

“Would you…want to maybe stay the night?” you hesitantly ask.

His response is to lean down and meet your lips in a kiss.

“I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

—--------------------------------------------

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