I Really Wanted To Enjoy Daffodil, But I Just Couldnt Bring Myself To. I Love The Way You Write, Going

i really wanted to enjoy daffodil, but i just couldn’t bring myself to. i love the way you write, going into detail of every step during the process of ocs love story. i love the first part, snapdragon, but i just couldn’t love the sequel. i’m not used to change, and maybe it’s because i wanted oc to have a happy ending with hoseok because he was perfect, but reading how oc lost feelings for hoseok and gained them for jungkook made my skin itch. i couldn’t bring myself to finish the last few parts of it, but you’re a great writer.

Hi! That's totally fine and I totally get it! I wanted to talk about falling out of love, even if the person seems so perfect, because sometimes it's just not meant to be, you know?

Thank you for giving Daffodil your time! Hope to see you in other stories of mine!

Updated: July 25, 2022

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I’m so late but I really appreciate you including my Flower Series to this! Thank you!!

jungkook fic recs | part 1

all jungkook fics i loved

part 2 (coming soon)

a = angst f = fluff s = smut

✨= favourites

Series

mutual help by @personasintro | 51 / ongoing on wattpad | best friends au, fwbs au, fake dating au, slow burn | s, f, a ✨

inevitable by @ahundredtimesover | 8/8 | exes au, parents au, baseball player!JK | a, s, f ✨

hidden stars by @jungblue | 5/5 + drabble | idol au, it's a jk x reader and yoongi x reader so it's a love triangle | a, s

rattled by @gukslut | 8/8 + epilogue | single dad au, healing, enemies to friends to lovers, slow burn | a, s ✨

serendipity by @rohobi | 14/14 + epilogue | best friends/fwbs au, humour | s, f

i'd love you to stay but that's simply insane by @taexual | 22/22 | college au, (ex)childhood friends au, jk is part of a band, fake dating in the middle of the story tho | f, s ✨

falling skies by @fortunexkookie | 6/6 | friends to enemies to friends to lovers, best friend's brother, roommates au, childhood friends, fuckboy!jk, nurse!jk, slow burn, sexual tension, I hate that I like you, smut, hurt/comfort, character death, pining | f, s, heavy angst ✨

puzzle by @kimvvantae | 8/8 | best friends to lovers au, fwbs au, college au, comedy | s, a

all that glitters by @aquagustd | 9/9 | unrequited love au, college au, pining, infidelity, toxic relationship, fuckboy!jk, manipulation | s, f, HEAVY angst ✨

always you by @taestefully-in-luv | 9/9 + several drabbles | best friends to lovers, idiots to lovers, roommate au, college au, slight crack | s, f, a

fight for you by @ahundredtimesover | 8/8 + epilogues | bodyguard!jk x heiress!reader | a, s

animal by @cutaepatootie | 9/9 | boxer!jk, strangers to lovers, didn't expect the ending | f, s, very angsty ✨

take a chance by @crystaljins | 7/7 | hanahaki au, co workers | a

safety net by @pradaksj | 2/2 | enemies to friends to lovers au, roommates au, pining, boxer!jungkook | f, s, a

stockholm syndrome by @taleasnewastime | 8/8 | mafia/gang au, university au, strangers to lovers | s, a, f ✨

comfort inn ending by @joonbird | 7/7 | infidelity au, reader did it | f, very angsty

lowkey by @xpeachesncream | 17/17 | popular!reader x nerd!jjk, college au, fake dating au, friends (with benefits?) to lovers au | f, a, s

effortlessly by @gyukult | 10/10 + epilogue | childhood friends au, college/school au, becomes established relationship | f, s

half a heart without you by @/blaqandwhite (ao3) | 5/5 | unrequited love au, hurt/comfort, character death, lots of pining, bestfriends/childhood friends au, kinda slow burn | f, a ✨

amended by @foxymoxynoona (i read it on ao3) | 67/67 | police officer!jk x single mum named oc, childhood friends au, enemies to friends to lovers, marriage of convenience au, hurt/comfort, slow burn ;D, check tags for tw | love the angst, f, s ✨

i'm on the run with you, my sweet love by @inkofyoonkoo (ao3) | 10 / ongoing | tattooist!jk, fake dating au, fwbs au, (ex)best friends, friends to lovers, road trip au, mutual pining, slow burn | f, s, very angsty

i lo(ath)ve you by @/shookbutinfired (ao3) | 9 / ongoing | enemies to friends to lovers, exes au, love/hate, high school au, mutual pining, slow updates but it's worth it | a

you up? by @/dappleddaisies (wattpad) | 57/57 | college au, named oc, jungkook is a sweetheart, slow burn, exes au, one of the best books on wattpad ong | s, f, a ✨

youth. by @/hoseoksheartbeat (wattpad) | 31/31 | soulmate au, jungkook is 212 years old | a, f

just friends by @kinktae | 3/3 | best friends to lovers au, fwbs au | a, s

bitchin' by @kinktae | 10/10 | 1980s au, based on to all the boys i've loved before, enemies to lovers, fratboy!jk | a, f, s ✨

han by @/-saeris (wattpad) | 41/41 | named oc, best friends/childhood friends au, fantasy au (kinda) f, very angsty - prepare tissues

bonded by @/igotbangtan_7 (wattpad) | 95 / ongoing | fuckboy!tae, kinda a vminkook fic ( theres tae x oc, jk x oc and slight jimin x oc), everyone's got trauma and demons, a bit messed up, one of my fav fics of all time, lots of mature themes beware | f, s, a ✨

colour vision by @/dappleddaisies (wattpad) | 55/55 | strangers to lovers au, named oc, news reporter!oc, world where life is seen in mono or colour, unique fic i loved | a, f, s

kumiho by @/dappleddaisies (wattpad) | 79 / ongoing | mafia au, named oc | s, f, a

baby, my baby by @pjimims | 10/10 | single parent au, writer!oc, class reunion | a, f ✨

brown-eyed baby by @jeonstudios | 2/2 | single dad!jk, exes to friends to lovers au | s, a, f

one-step forward, two-steps back by @oureuphoria | 2/2 | slow burn, friends to lovers, tattooist!jk, roommate's fwb | a, a little fluff

ego by @suga-kookiemonster | 9/9 | college au, fuckboy au, fratboy au, humour, lab partner!jk | s

sugar high by @yeojaa | 16/16 | best friends/childhood friends au, named oc, idol au, slow burn, hurt/comfort, unrequited love | a, f

please love me by @ahundredtimesover | 4/4 | arranged marriage au, childhood friends au, ceo kids | a, f, s

empty space by @ahundredtimesover | 2/2 | undercover police officer!jk, ex-fwbs au, time jump | a, s ✨

you belong with me by @joonscroll | 6/6 i put the link for the author's mlist to get all the chap. links | best friends to lover au, unrequited love, check tw before reading 3, 4 | a, f

a lover's kiss by @hueseok | 15 / last chapter to be posted | friends with benefits au, idiots to lovers au, college au, pining, swimmer!jk, editor-in-chief!reader | s, f, a

moonlight melody by @gukyi | 2/2 | fake dating au, university orchestra au, vacation au, slow burn | f, minor a ✨

One shots

it takes two by @junghelioseok | 29.8k | fake dating au, roommate au | s, f ✨

ruin the friendship by @kpopfanfictrash | 8k | best friends to lovers au | s, f

over the edge by @kpopfanfictrash | 9.1k | established relationship au, sequel to ruin the friendship | s, f

how many drinks? by @xpeachesncream | 12.2k | college au, dance group au, bestfriends/bestfriends with some benefits au | f, s, slight a ✨

idealizations concerning real life relations by @venusiangguk | 40.9k | strangers to lovers au, fwb au | s, very angsty

sweet apple biscuits by @rosaetae | 15.5k | orange au (one of my fav animes) | a

can't be without you by @ahundredtimesover | 30.2k | best friends to lovers au, underground fighter!JK | a, f, s ✨

orange tulips by @kainks | 10.2k | soulmate au, reincarnation au | a, f, light smut

my beauty, my blood by @7cypher | 20k | mafia au, single parent!oc | f, a

my babysitter's a quarterback by @ohpretty-baby | 30k | enemies to lovers, mutual pining, crackfic, qb!jungkook x cheerleader!reader | f, a

the lines between us by @chateautae | 10k | enemies to lovers au, detective!au, partner!jungkook, fwb au, slight fantasy au | s, a

this is how we break by @ahundredtimesover | 20.6k | exes au | a, f, s ✨

snapdragon by @dfdph | 18.5k | college au, fratboy!jk, infidelity au | a, f

daffodil by @dfdph | 21k | med au, exes au, sequel to snapdragon | a, f

everythingoes by @jamaisjoons | 24k | fuckboy!tae x reader and Jungkook x reader, infidelity, toxic relationship, 2 love interests, best friend!tae | s, slight fluff, angsty

(road)tripping for you by @latetaektalk | 31k | road trip au, strangers to lovers au, only one bed, summer au | f, slight a ✨

after i left you by @latetaektalk | 38.9k | exes au, fake dating au, enemies to lovers-ish au, unrequited feelings-ish au | a, f ✨

only for you by @jikookiekosmos | 32.8k | best friends to lovers, hurt/comfort, teeny social media au, mutual pining | a, s, f

first light by @inktae | 24.8k | based on hotarubi no mori e, jk x reader and tae x reader | f, mainly a

changes in between by @taegularities | 24.7k | roommate au, strangers to friends to lovers, some crack, pining | f, s, a

days to morning glory by @sketchguk | 20.6k | exes to lovers au, roommate au, high school sweethearts, based off the movie the hows of us, aspiring rockstar!jk x med. student!reader| s, f, a

show me something by @yoonia | 51.7k | road trip au, friends to enemies to lovers au, first love au, slow burn | s, a, f ✨

microwave (mis)adventures by @bymoonchild | 20k | college au, roommates au, enemies to lovers au | f, s, slight a

milestone by @1kook | 8k | highschool/college au, brother’s best friend au, oc’s first time | s

all in by @iamjungkooked | 13.1k | best friend's boyfriend au, mutual pining, all works out in the end tho | mild smut, tiny bit of fluff, mostly angst

white lies by @noteguk | 13.3k | athlete!jungkook x reader, childhood best friends au, fake dating au, idiots to lovers, so much sexual tension, mutual pining | f, s, minor a ✨

shield by @rmverse | 18.6k | security guard!jk x bartender!reader, jk is cute | f, s

the art of war more by @kpopfanfictrash | 42.4k | enemies to lovers au, college au, althlete au, hockey captain!jk x dancer!reader | s, f, a✨

fortuity by @yoontopia | 7.7k | detective au, childhood friends to lovers | f, a

17 going on 27 by @hansolmates | 22.6k | photographer!jk x editor!reader, crack, timeskip from high skl to adulthood, time travel au | f, a

i can't wait to tell you, i told ya by @moon-write (can read it on ao3) | 16.2k | single dad!jk, idiots to lovers au, mutual pining, best friend au | f, a

here i come by @chateautae | 3k | college au, pwp, tipsy hide and seek gone right? | s ✨

not so honest by @parkmuse | 9.3k | roommates au, pwp, noona!reader, jk is a brat, steamy | s

not like you by @oureuphoria | 28k | dilf!jk, boxer!jk, enemies to lovers, childhood friends/rivals, slow burn, single dad au | f, a

stoic by @blue-jade | 4.2k | ceo!jk, infidelity au, jk is terrible, has a part 2 "redemption" (see author's mlist) | a, s

your every wish is my command by @jeonggukingdom | 13k | genie au, fantasy au, crack | s, f

somebody that i used to know by @astramoonchild | 9.7k | childhood best friends, fwbs au, waterpark au, roommates au, lim jaebeom x reader too | a, s

illusion of choice by @hobibliophile | 7.3k | heir au, arranged marriage au, childhood friends au, character death | a, f, s

that which still haunts us by @nottodayjjk | 17.8k | exes au, jungkook is a hitman | s, a

love alive by @jamaisjoons | 17k | post breakup au, exes au, pining, they still love each other :( | a, f, s ✨

last updated: 02/05/22

note: i can’t add anymore links to this post cos i hit the limit lmao so i’ll be making another one!

Is it for me okay to say that I look forward to your reading lists to see if any of my stories are in them? It’s like a confirmation that I did something right. It really is an honor! No kidding! You are like The Academy of Tumblr in my eyes!

Is it also okay to say I love you even if I don’t really know you?

📕BTS Fic Reads - 2022 Mar to May (Pt 1)

I have been doing this monthly reading lists for years now 🥺.

I was supposed to do something for my blog anniversary but I couldn’t find the time  👉🏽👈🏽🥺.  I couldn’t organize my readings enough to share (and went back to silent reading too 🥺). But anyway, I’m sort of back and here’s my attempt to organize fics reblogged, commented on, bookmarked, etc. from March to May🌹

💟 Please show these authors appreciation the most by commenting/ reblogging their fics and sending them nice asks =). Thank you, dearest authors! Days are usually tough and your stories have been part of my activities to de-stress💟

[around 100+ fics]

Continua a leggere

That Time

2. That time I first saw you

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook x Reader (female)

Genre Slice of Life AU | Romance | Angst | Fluff

Word count 1.6k

A/N This drabble collection will not be in chronological order. (Indicatively) Posting every Monday.

©️ dfdph, 2022 - All rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

    The first day of Junior High was promising to be one to remember. Park Jimin had spent all summer talking about how a childhood friend of his was back in town from who-knew-where and had enrolled to their school. New students weren’t actually a rare thing in a big school such as theirs, but Jimin had spoken so highly of this boy that everyone became extremely curious to meet him. And apparently, ‘everyone’ meant the whole student body.

    Jimin and his friends were quite famous – or infamous – in their school. They were the perfect image of a stereotypical group of teenage boys from a romcom-coming-to-age movie: good looking, sporty, easy going and actually smart people. Jimin, in particular, was a very affectionate kind of person who had a thing for pulling silly pranks to embarrass his friends. These games were legendary, something close to a tradition, made good-heartedly to make people laugh.

    Clearly, the new boy was not going to be spared. Especially not on his first day.

    For the occasion, Jimin had painted black bold letters over a white king size bed sheet and had it hanging over the school entrance where no one could miss it. It spelled: “Welcome Home K♥♥kie!”.

    “It’s a bit simple isn’t it?” said Y/N’s friend Lisa as she locked her newly bought second hand car. “I mean, it’s funny, but not that funny.”

    Y/N nodded in agreement tying her hair in a high ponytail. “I’m sure there’s more. Jimin raised expectations and he knows it. He won’t let us down.”

    “Look, even Professor Bang is waiting!” Suzy laughed pointing at a window on the first floor. “I knew he enjoyed these things.”

    Y/N smiled at the sight of her favourite professor. “Bet he missed it.”

    “Who didn’t!” Lisa exclaimed. “I mean, everyone is here.”

    She was right. The parking lot was packed, small and big groups of people all gathered waiting for the new boy’s grand entrance.

    “Did Jimin mention if he was cute?” Suzy asked Y/N.

    Y/N smirked. “Why? Want to make a move?”

    The girl shrugged. “Me and Lee broke up ages ago, I’m ready to put myself back in the market.”

    “Good for you.” Y/N replied. “I’m not sure, anyways. Probably is though. “ She added eyeing the group of boys who was standing under the white banner, all dressed nicely in white shirts and black trousers.

    “Can’t imagine Jimin being friends with someone ugly, honestly.” Lisa commented looking in the same direction.

    “Don’t be mean. He’s friends with all kinds of people.” Suzy defended.

     “I know. But I mean his real friends, his inner circle.” The girl clarified. “There’s clearly a pattern.”

    “Shush.” Y/N straightened up. “I think his coming.”

    In fact, the boys had started making their way through the crowd, asking everyone to take a step back to create a clear path that lead to the entrance door. They positioned themselves orderly on both sides putting a serious mask on their faces, hand behind their backs holding something Y/N couldn’t see.

    The crowd had quieted down, stretching their necks to see better. From their spot under the steps, just a few feet away from Jimin who kept his place under the banner, Y/N and the girls had the best view of them all.

    The roaring of a familiar motorbike interrupted the silence as it entered the parking lot. From afar Y/N could see the boy riding it making unclear signals at Jimin who, on the other hand, knew very well what they meant.

    “Two minutes guys! He’s right behind Sungwoon!”

    Soon enough a dark expensive looking car entered the school perimeter and parked in the first spot available. Y/N could feel everyone take a deep breath out of excitement. She did as well.

    Somewhere behind her, music started playing something that sounded awfully like a badly remixed version of a Taylor Swift song, loud enough to be heard by the boy who was now exiting his car, backpack hanging over one shoulder.

    He looked tall and slim but somehow fit. He was wearing light blue jeans and a simple black t-shirt matching his dark combat boots. He was wearing his sunglasses over his head, the yellow lenses contrasting with his raven hair.

    He walked confidently towards the entrance, with a model-like walk, until he noticed the corridor the crowd had created to let him pass and he stopped dead in his tracks. Next he registered the music and, as he looked up, the big banner towering over Jimin.

    Y/N could see his shoulders shake lightly in what she believed was laughter and his head shake side to side in disbelief. She couldn’t help but laugh as well as Jimin’s friends started showering him theatrically with red petals as he resumed his walk towards the entrance door.

    As he came closer and closer, not even trying to shake off the petals over his head and shoulders, Y/N could take a clearer look at his face and the first thing she noticed was his smile.

    He was smiling brightly, not only with his lips but also with his big dark eyes. It was an infectious expression of pure joy that made more than a few hearts skip a beat.

    “Told you he couldn’t be ugly.” Lisa muttered distractedly in Y/N’s ear. The latter couldn’t help but giggle.

    He was cute.

    The boy stopped right next to them, covered from head to toe with flowers, looking up the steps toward his long time friend Jimin who was wearing a smile just as bright as his.

    “I guess this was really necessary.” He spoke for the first time with a soft melodic voice as soon as the other boy reached him.

    “Mandatory.” Jimin specified. He signalled to someone to his right and soon enough a freshman came running to him carrying a red pompous looking pillow on top of which lied a heavily jewelled plastic crown. He cleared his throat before looking solemnly at the crowd. “We are here reunited in this glorious day to celebrate the return of the long lost king of the kingdom of BH High!” He announced making everyone smile widely. He took the crown delicately as if it was real and held it on top of the head of his half annoyed half amused friend. “ I hereby present to you His Majesty, the just, the loyal, the bunny looking, King Jeon Junkook the First!”

    “All hail King Kookie!” Jimin’s friends called in chorus, still in their positions, standing like soldiers.

    “All hail King Kookie!!” Y/N echoed happily with the crowd.

    Jungkook played his part nicely, although he couldn’t hide his smirk. He took off his sunglasses and bowed his head as Jimin placed the crown on him, officially proclaiming him the king of their high school.

    Right in that moment the school bell rang, signalling the start of the lessons. The fun was over.

    “Just like planned.” Y/N heard Jimin say as everyone started heading for the entrance, some of them giving Jungkook a quick but sincere welcome.

    She and her friends started walking to their classes as well, leaving the two boys behind to catch up.

    “I knew the banner wasn’t all of it.” Lisa laughed. “This might be my new favourite.”

    “You say that every time.” Suzy countered. “But I agree, that was fun.”

    “Jimin is really one of a kind.” Y/N replied with a smile. “How does he even come up with this stuff? Anyways, I have to run.” She added giving the girls a quick wave before taking the stairs to the first floor. “Professor Kim hates latecomers.”

    “See you later!”

    Fortunately enough her English teacher seemed to be in a good mood, maybe it was because it was just the first day of school or maybe it was the contagious glee dancing in the air.

    Y/N chose the last empty desk near the window, a few rows from the back. Her favourite spot. She started bringing out her pencil case and her new notebook, placing them neatly in front of her with a smile still lingering on her face. Her day couldn’t have started better.

    “Do you mind if I seat here?” A male voice asked from above her.

    She looked up and couldn’t help but let her smile widen. “Of course not, Your Majesty.”

    Jungkook rolled his eyes smirking as well. “It’s going to be my burden isn’t it? I’m already getting tired of it.” He joked as he sat down next to her.

    “Are you really?” She arched a brow, pointing a finger to his head where the plastic crown lied proudly. “Doesn’t seem like it.”

    “Jimin bet I didn’t have the courage to keep it on during class. Easy win.” He grinned. “Would you testify for me?”

    “I got you.” Y/N agreed happily. “But I also have to warn Your Majesty that it might not bring you any good. Professor Kim is a tough one.”

    Jungkook looked up to the stern looking woman. She was already eyeing the toy on his head. “I bet I will win her over.”

    “You clearly have a gambling problem, Your Majesty.” Y/N teased.

    The boy shook his head. “Please, stop calling me that. I’m Jungkook. Not Kookie, mind you. Jungkook.”

    Y/N shook the hand he was offering with a genuine smile. She gave herself a second to look at him. He was indeed good looking. “Okay, Jungkook. I’m Y/N.”

    The boy smiled back, his bunny looking front teeth shining on her. “Nice to meet you, Y/N. Wanna bet we’re gonna be great friends?”

4. That time I hated myself the most

Author D.

Pairing Jungkook x Reader (female)

Genre Slice of Life AU | Angst

Word count 1.4k

A/N This drabble collection will not be posted in chronological order.

Instagram

©️ dfdph, 2022 - all rights reserved. Reposting or translating onto other sites is NOT allowed.

    The minute Jungkook entered the room, closely followed by Jimin and Taehyung, he knew that that moment was going to leave a painful scar on his memory forever.

     The small room was oddly quiet, different from what he had imagined, different from the movies he had seen.

     They had given Y/N a private room, just big enough to contain a reclining chair and the large mechanic bed where she was laying. The first thing Jungkook noticed were all the tubes and cords coming out of the bed sheets, connected in every direction to different kind of machines and displays. One thing he understood immediately: she wasn’t breathing on her own. The transparent tube coming out of her mouth was a clear sign of it.

     “I know it looks intimidating.” He heard the nurse saying behind them. “If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I’ll explain the best I can.”

     Questions. Jungkook had plenty. Too many to speak coherently.

     He took a step closer, feeling slightly lightheaded. She looked pale, in a way that it scared him, and somehow unnaturally swollen. There was a large white bandage over her forehead and they clearly tried to wash her hair but Jungkook could still see some redness over them that didn’t belong to her. He could only assume it was blood. She was covered from the neck down with a white sheet and a light blue duvet. She was deadly still beneath them.

     Jungkook was just inches away from her, his thighs brushing against the mattress. Yet, he felt as if there was a deep and dark ravine separating them.

     “W-what’s that thing?” Jimin stammered in a quiet voice.

     Jungkook turned his head, following what his friend was pointing and noticing for the first time what was in fact a bulky structure on her left leg. It was the only part of her body that wasn’t hidden, apart from her arms, full of scratches. He felt a retch of vomit coming up in his throat and a cold shiver running up of his spine. It was something he had never seen before: it closely resembled a scaffolding, its metal cylinders, each less than half an inch wide, sticking out of her flesh like miniature skyscrapers.

     “It’s called ‘external fixator’.” The nurse answered calmly. “The bones of her leg are broken, but the surgeons are going to repair them in a second moment. So, they used these to stabilize the bones in the meantime.”

     “Oh.” Jimin exhaled. “And what is that tube?”

     Jungkook followed his finger once again, leading to a large transparent pipe coming out of Y/N’s white gown and ending inside a rectangular box sitting on the pavement. There was a string of deep red blood running down in it, slowly and tantalizingly.

     “It’s a drainage. She has some blood in her chest, we are draining it through that tube.” The nurse explained simply. “Oh, here is Doctor Lee.” She exclaimed as the door opened behind them. “He’ll be able to explain the situation to you.”

     The situation. It sounded ominous to Jungkook’s ears.

     He recognized the man, how could he not. He was the same one that hours ago had given them the worst news.

     “You should prepare yourselves.” He had said.

     Jungkook felt unjustified hate towards him, a completely irrational hatred that he knew the man didn’t deserve. At the same time, he felt like he could kneel and beg him to save Y/N if he needed to.

     He averted his eyes from the doctor, scared of what he was about to say. He looked at Y/N instead.

     A sleeping beauty. Broken, but still beautiful to him.

     This was the first time in months they were this close. He had imagined the moment many times. It was a happy scene in his head, melancholic at most. But never tragic.

     He felt the urge to take her hand, laying pale on the bed sheet. He stopped, his fingers mid-air, scared.

     Scared of hurting her, so fragile under his eyes, even with just a touch.

     Scared of being undeserving, because a part of him wasn’t sure he was supposed to be there next to her.

     She was the love of his life, he always knew it. But who was Jungkook to Y/N?

     Probably no one. A distant memory.

     Yet he was selfish. He didn’t want to go. Even if she suddenly woke up and screamed at him to leave. He needed to be there, right by her side.

     He put his hands in the pockets of his pants, restraining himself, and settling for caressing her with his eyes and with his heart.

     “Good morning, guys. Do you want to come outside? Maybe have a sit?” The doctor asked with a kind smile.

     “I-It’s okay.” Taehyung answered. “We want to stay here.”

     Jimin nodded putting a heavy hand on Jungkook’s shoulder.

     The man sighed. “Okay. I must be honest with you. Y/N is very lucky.” He started saying with a heavy tone. “She has different injuries, a lot of them very severe.” Jungkook gulped listening to the man’s voice. “She has three broken ribs that punctured her lungs and caused what we call ‘hemothorax’. It means that there is blood collecting between her chest wall and her lung. Fortunately, the amount is not that big to worry us, it is just enough to be drained through the machine you see on the right side of the bed.” Jungkook looked back at the transparent tube, the red string of blood still falling slowly inside it. “Her left leg is badly broken. It will need surgery, but we will do it once she’s a little more stable.” The doctor paused and took a deep breath. Unconsciously, the three boys mimicked him. “As you can see, we’ve put her under a coma to protect her brain. The trauma caused a cerebral edema. It’s what’s worrying us the most. It’s pressure is obstructing blood perfusion in her brain. As you can imagine, it’s a serious situation. For now we are taking a medical approach, but we might need to surgically release the pressure, so that the swelling has more room to breathe – so to speak.”

     Jimin gulped, his hand slowly falling from Jungkook’s shoulder. “I-I’m sorry, but how are you going to do that? How are you going to … release the pressure?”

     “We will have to temporarily remove part of her skull. I know it sounds really scary, but I don’t want you to worry about it until you need to, okay?”

     Jungkook had no idea for how long he stayed seated in the same position on the reclining chair next Y/N’s bed. Probably hours.

     The nurse was kind enough to get two other chairs for Jimin and Taehyung, but the two of them soon got tired of keeping still and went out of the room to get some fresh air.

     Unlike them, Jungkook couldn’t move. He was glued to his sit, perfectly still like a statue. Even his eyes wouldn’t budge: they were focused on Y/N. Specifically her closed eyes, the only part of her he could manage to look at without tearing up.

     His thoughts were a rumbling confusion. They went from reliving the doctor’s words, to complete blankness. What was constant, on the other hand, was the intense feeling of guilt puncturing his chest. 

     He imagined himself crossing that street with Y/N, hand in hand like they always walked when they still loved one another. He imagined seeing the car approaching at the last moment, pushing her away from danger and being the one getting hit instead.

     Jungkook felt his heart constrict at the thought, tears filling his eyes once again, burning.

     He wished it went that way. He wished he was the one laying on that bed fighting for his life.

     Not her. Not Y/N. Him.

     Some might think the thought was romantic, but the truth was only one: he envied her.

     Some sick part of him, a part he was very much ashamed of, felt that having all of his bones broken was way better than whatever he was feeling in that moment: a mixture of guilt, pain and indescribable fear. He could feel his body burn from the inside as he imagined angry claws scratching his chest repeatedly and something extremely heavy pushing him on the ground. 

     The thought of her dying, the thought of her leaving this world - him - forever, was unbearable.

     He wanted it to end. 

     So yes, he envied the fact that she was oblivious to everything that was going on inside his head. He envied the fact that she was the one dying.

     The saying was true: those who remain suffer the most. 

     This was the most selfish Jungkook ever felt and he hated himself for it.