bisexual, any pronouns, disabled, white, twenties | playing dice with my small corner of the universe | reblogs from @diceystealstheinternet
63 posts
Day 2: Mindless? I Certainly Felt It. More Of A Doodle Than Anything... Now With Free Haiku!

Day 2: Mindless? I certainly felt it. More of a doodle than anything... Now with free haiku!
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Brainless not mindless.
Sure, don't mean you can trust me...
Decide for yourself.
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AKB 2019
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acsomc liked this · 5 years ago
More Posts from Diceydeals

Day 5: Build. This took me a while, I was stuck until early on Monday morning, London in rush hour - not usually the most inspirating time and place - when, walking into Trafalgar Square with the beat of the Samba band drumming at my back, I suddenly felt that things were things were finally, actually, changing.
Rebels everywhere, thank you.
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turn up, build a band:
from that, a movement rises.
We Are The Water.
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AKB 2019
hearing aids day 1 (2nd march 2022)
crunchy
loud
lots wow just so many sounds
Ss!!! so much sibilance, oof is that annoying - might develop a lisp in preemptive retaliation/ self-defence
see also: whispering really carries
i can hear my hair and i am not happy about it
scratchy staticky sounds from hair moving, jaw opening/closing, breathing
does the air make sound??? i am confused
i feel high oh my gods on earth
too much behind the ear - ow
masks are a fucking pain right now
voice sounds funny, very conscious of every sound i make - just existing creates so much noise
under water at the cinema - loud crisp too much but also aware of thing in my ear, layer between me and the world, every slightly unreal and held at a distance
spooky
disorienting
music - especially classical so far but haven't tested much - everything else stops/ disappears/takes a back seat - andres rieu ftw - it's incredible, just entrancing and all-ecompassing, holy shit
my voice may change in relation to this (avoid s sounds, lower pitch and volume, kinda drawly because i can hear myself and it slows me down, usually speak very quickly)
everything is sooooo distracting!!!! the world is happening all around me
bereft when i took them out the first time, where has the world gone? everything so dim and distant, genuinely might cry
honestly kinda high key relieved after i took them out the second time jesus wept did i need a break
very tiring but in a different way from how straining not being able to hear is tiring - just so much new stuff to process! brain making ALL the connections wowzer oh boy
did i mention crunchy? because yeah if i could pick one word that'd be it, we're going iceberg lettuce on this
CRONCH
crab 🦀
crash
Thoughts on coming out
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What I thought would happen, or, what happened every other damned time I tried to tell you:
Sit in the pit of my stomach
Get stuck in the tunnel of my throat
Lodge in the chasm of my mouth
Prickle and weigh on my tongue
Press against the blockade of my teeth
And finally,
Mangled and aching,
Shredded and bleeding,
Pummeled and pulsing,
Emerge
Changed
On my lips
Like cracked skin and warm breath
As words.
The wrong fucking words.
What actually happened:
I said it, downplayed it.
You dismissed me, and kissed me.
You still want me. You don't know me.
The response too easy; now I'm waiting for it to sink in.
How the hell do I show it, own it, glow with it
When I don't feel any
Pride.
You didn't listen.
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AKB 2019
" • "
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Fireworks in Space
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Speak pride to power:
Show truth and love and magic;
Into the void, let colour flow
Where once only lies tried to fill the vacuum.
There is no air here.
We bring our own oxygen, and enough to share.
You try to set us on fire,
We laugh and burn and fizz and dance,
We are the sparks,
You gave us fuel.
Fool.
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AKB 2019