Life Is So Funny At 12 I Thought I Was Evil & Unlovable & Now At 21 I Can Recognize When My Blood Sugar

life is so funny at 12 i thought i was evil & unlovable & now at 21 i can recognize when my blood sugar is low

I finally found it. A few weeks ago I was stumbling around online and found the much-rumored audio recording of Death of a Salesman on Broadway starring Philip Seymour Hoffman and Andrew Garfield. You can download it here as a (huge) zip file, with the entirety of Acts I and II from the May 23, 2012 show (one of the final weeks of its run). This recording captures just one night, only a fraction of the effort and pain and heart they put into this production over all those months, but what a fucking treasure.

It’s an emotionally exhausting two and a half hours. Garfield and the rest of the cast are phenomenal. This is the first time I’ve actually heard Phil performing on stage and he’s like thunder, a completely different animal in the theater than on screen — you can practically see the spit flying as he shouts like you’ve never heard him before and he somehow commands the drawn-out, lingering silences just as much as he dominates scenes with dialogue. He put his entire soul into this devastating, breathtaking role, his heart and his life.

“The woods are burning, boys, you understand? There’s a big blaze going on all around.”

Want to learn something new in 2022??

Absolute beginner adult ballet series (fabulous beginning teacher)

40 piano lessons for beginners (some of the best explanations for piano I’ve ever seen)

Excellent basic crochet video series

Basic knitting (probably the best how to knit video out there)

Pre-Free Figure Skate Levels A-D guides and practice activities (each video builds up with exercises to the actual moves!)

How to draw character faces video (very funny, surprisingly instructive?)

Another drawing character faces video

Literally my favorite art pose hack

Tutorial of how to make a whole ass Stardew Valley esque farming game in Gamemaker Studios 2??

Introduction to flying small aircrafts

French/Dutch/Fishtail braiding

Playing the guitar for beginners (well paced and excellent instructor)

Playing the violin for beginners (really good practical tips mixed in)

Color theory in digital art (not of the children’s hospital variety)

Retake classes you hated but now there’s zero stakes:

Calculus 1 (full semester class)

Learn basic statistics (free textbook)

Introduction to college physics (free textbook)

Introduction to accounting (free textbook)

Learn a language:

Ancient Greek

Latin

Spanish

German

Japanese (grammar guide) (for dummies)

French

Russian (pretty good cyrillic guide!)

I’ve always had to lick my own wounds and be my own savior and despite having come far enough to be vulnerable in the presence of intimacy, I still don’t fully know how to accept or trust in the offerings of emotional support from the person I’m living in that connection w and it makes me feel freakish and awkward and like I’m no longer drowning in emotional isolation but haven’t quite broken the surface either? I’m right there, I can feel the warmth of the light that’s ahead of me, but I still can’t quite reach it, can’t yet breathe

I choose to trust. I choose to believe. No matter what reasons I may have to be skeptical, anxious, and insecure, no matter how very valid those reasons are… I still choose to trust. In love. In friendship. In success. In luck and in hope. In a better future for me, surrounded by those I love. I choose my own future. I won’t let anxiety and trauma choose it for me.

Suchitra Bhosle