Cant Believe This Is The Note Were Starting Pride Month With

cant believe this is the note we’re starting pride month with

It's not just the fact that Blitz and Stolas were having two completely different conversations at the end of The Full Moon. It's the fact that Blitz was the only one who realised this. At the very last second, he realised he wasn't having the conversation he thought he was, and he now has to sit with the knowledge of what Stolas was actually saying to him, and the weight of how Stolas must have interpreted his reaction.

Meanwhile, Stolas is still fully under the impression that Blitz understood what he was saying from the get go, and his reaction was completely genuine every step of the way.

They were both facing away from one another... And only Blitz looked Stolas' way.

Hey Blitz. For exactly how long were you imprisoned? Heh. Get it? Because...because you're an imp?

"Ha, ha. Very funny, asshole. I get it. Imps, imprisoned. Kind of opens up the door to whole meta analyses of the word imprisoned and the fact that imps are basically born into a prison because, you know, we exist to fucking serve all of these assholes, have no power, no representation, and unlike humans we don't get an afterlife or a way out or--"

Blitz abruptly shut up, realizing he had taken that way too seriously. Grumbling under his breath, he sucked on his iced-coffee--the new dick-shaped straws from Guzzler's were a fucking treat--and stared down at his phone screen, pretending to be cool.

How does Blitzø feel about Stolas' immortality? Has it troubled him?

Absolutely. It absolutely troubles him. It has kept him up at night, wondering:

Am I worth remembering?

and

Did I wound him so badly that he's going to have to carry this hurt for eternity?

Both of those things absolutely fuck Blitz up to think about, one a lot more than the other. He's already afraid of dying alone, we know that. Blitz is lonely, so painfully lonely, that he will do a lot of things he shouldn't if it means someone will hold him--will want to hold him--all while denying he cares at all. Because, you know. He's a dumbass. But more than that, the fear that he has given Stolas scars that maybe Stolas won't heal from for hundreds of years? That he has wounded the heart of one of the few (as he sees it) good, noble beings out there? Stolas is one of the only good people Blitz actually believes in. The thought that he has burdened him with grief, shame, or heartbreak, that Stolas may end up carrying ghosts of for all time?

That fucking breaks Blitz's heart. He doesn't want to be forgotten, but if it hurts Stolas more to remember him...? He hopes that one day, Stolas will forget.

Do you feel like Stolas SA'ed you?

Blitz frowned hard at the person asking him this. He didn't know them, so it really didn't seem like any of their damn business. But all the same, they looked like they cared, and he had to believe they were coming from a good place.

"No," he said, his voice serious, firm. "It wasn't a great situation. It wasn't good for either of us. But even though it was... fucking terrifying at the end when I thought I was losing my business, when I was losing him, even though there were times that I just... felt like shit, like some washed up, reused, half-dried condom he happened to find amusing... that shit? That was on me. How I--fucking... how I fucking..." Blitz closed his eyes and dropped his face into one hand. "How I fucking feel is on me. It's more cause of my depression and trauma than him.

"Like, sure. Go for it, you could argue that with his position and his power, he had me at his mercy and could have done anything to me, that I never could have said No, that he could coerce anything out of me. But you weren't, you know. Fucking there. I was. That was my body on the line, my body in the bargain. And I can tell you this, Stolas never made me feel unsafe. I freaked out once, one time, because the way he touched me reminded me of... something I don't want to remember. And I was going to fucking press on, ignore it, shove that whole bullshit reactiony thing down.

"But Stolas noticed something was off. Stolas cared. More than I did. He put the brakes on. That fucker grabbed me up and just held me until I was breathing right again and it.... you can't... You can look at him and see a demon prince and say oh yeah, no, fuck that guy, he's not perfect, he did some questionable shit, and you can label him a monster.

"But you can't label him as my monster.

"You can't label him for me.

"Stolas didn't force me. He wouldn't. Nights with Stolas were probably some of the safest nights I've ever had. Some of the best. I was actually... you know... fucking happy with him. Even when it still scared me to even admit it to my fucking self. I could have walked away at any time and that bird would've let me. He probably would've gotten up, held the door, and reminded me in his," Blitz's voice cracked, "soft fucking voice," which he loved, God he loved that man's fucking voice, "that I could always come back. When I was ready.

"If you want to blame someone for a fucked up situationship, don't blame Stolas. Blame me."

how tf do you know so many birds

"I uh... you mean, like, how do I know... bird species? Like those fucking penguins and their bullshit language? Or like, know birds in Hell? Cause," fuck, why was he sweating? Blitz wiped at his forehead.

"Listen, fucker. Just cause I'm into horse shit doesn't mean I can't also like, really like birds. You fall in love with one gorgeous bird and suddenly that's it, they're all basically perfect and you love having them around and hearing their feathers rustle and like, like, fucking--birds of a fucking feather or something, alright?" Grumbling, he closed his sketchbook -- doodles of several smaller birds eating Paimon could clearly be seen -- and shoved it into a drawer.

"How do you not know so many birds? And what are you doing in my office? Here to steal my lemons, whore?"