How Many Chomps Does It Take To Get To The Bone Of A Bird?
How many chomps does it take to get to the bone of a bird?
For some reason, Blitz looks incredibly guilty when asked this. He freezes, eyes going wide, and immediately puts a paper bag behind his back.
"You mean like, a bird bird? Like a little tweety fucker from the living world? Or like, a Goetia? Because let me tell you, I've yet to even break the skin no matter how hard I bite, and he seems like, really into the pressure. Anyway, oh, wow, look at the time! I've got to, um, you know, oh look! A train!"
And he's off, racing away down the street.
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aroyaltailor liked this · 9 months ago
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^curses you with 2.3 terabytes of Stolitz mpreg fanfiction^

❝Blitz, ❞ Stolas coos, enveloping the imp in his hold. He receives a peppering of kisses and the press of the prince's cheek against his own. ❝ You are SUCH a handsome little devil.~ ❞
Blitz wanted to melt, but he also wanted to keep his eye on the target. Take Your Boyfriend to Work Day was way more fun than it had any right to be, and the real Earth sunlight felt so nice. The temptation to just roll Stolas over into the deep grass and forget about the hit was so strong...
Fuck it.
Blitz melted into him, loving the kisses and the nuzzling. Purring, he wrapped all of his limbs around Stolas, clinging like the thoroughly contented gremlin he was. A moment later though, he pushed Stolas down on his back, where Blitz had been a moment ago. Pinning him, he looked down with a smile--fuck he loved this bird--before kissing him quickly... and fetching his rifle back up.
Stretching out atop him, Blitz got comfortably into position, reacquiring his target.
"Cover your ears, babe," he said, his voice soft and low, but very much an order for once. Blitz gave Stolas a moment to do so, while assessing the shot--trying to use tips from Moxxie, who was a hell of a lot better at long-range work than Blitz was. Letting out a breath, slow and even and smooth, he squeezed the trigger--
And the job was done.
"Whooo!" Up on his knees now, he thrust a fist into the sky with a ridiculous cheer--then remembered where he was and who he was currently straddling. Blitz looked down, expression fucking melting into sappy adoration. Setting the rifle aside, he nuzzled his beautiful, beautiful Stolas again.
"You make work so much harder," he murmured, cupping his face in both hands, blissfully unaware that the way he said those words, they sounded like something else. They sounded like I Love You.
Blitz leaned in and kissed him with all the worship and adoration his fucked up little heart could manage, as if he could press a lifetime of love into a single moment--as if a single moment was all they would ever have.

Tumblr offered this gif and it feels appropriate xD I LOVE YOU JUUUUDE! Am going to get disowned by the entire dash tonight, nO REGRETS

@doublejango — you WOULD make a cloaca joke. Set the bear traps FOR YOUR ASS ;;
"Damn right!" Blitz couldn't stop smiling at how cute all of them were. "Hey, do any of them like scritches? These little fuckers are adorable. Yes you are, look at you! You're gonna grow into those big feet, and you're gonna get biiiiiiig chompers, and everyone's gonna live in terror, yes they will, oh yes they will."
The little dinosaur Blitz had scooped up blinked in confusion, but didn't really object to the affection. The imp was scratching it and rubbing its horned head on it, and that felt homelike enough to settle the dinosaur halfway to sleep.
Blitz looked up at Lucid before reluctantly offering it back out. "You tell me if anyone ever tries to hurt these fuckers. Oh, I will end a bitch!"
I mean Blitz brought Audrey II home. How bad could it be if dinosaurs come to Hell too? Lucid should definitely bring them all! What could go wrong? - @doublejango
Context xxx)
“You know what? You’re right! I will bring them all home. I bet Luci would be thrilled to have dinosaurs back too!”
You know Stolas could kill you with a flick of a wrist, right?
Blitz snorted, leaned back, and put his feet up on the table, crossing one booted foot over the other.
"Yeah. He could. You think I'm not into that? That guy may seem all sweet and soft and harmless, but Stolas is as dangerous as they come. And he chooses not to be. He chooses gentleness and self-control. And maybe it's a weird kink, but I find that pretty damn sexy." He eyed the stranger for a moment before his grin turned a little more dangerous, took on a little bit more of an edge. "Besides. I can destroy him with a flick of my tongue. So, you know, it's a fair deal."