Absolute Crack - Tumblr Posts
Messing around with Stolas' grimoire has some unexpected consequences. In a swirl of magicks and ethereal shrieks, Blitzø is transformed into...a birb! Specifically an owl demon like Stolas himself. What's the first thing he does?
"Aw, fuck me," Blitz swore, standing up straight and looking down at himself. Where the fuck was his tail? His--oh fuck, he still had a tail, it was just--it was--
Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the FUCK?
Covered in feathers, ridiculously tall, he wasn't an imp. He didn't have horns. Glossy black feathers edged with vermillion, a white disc of tiny, tightly-packed feathers for his face, he didn't look like himself at all--but hoooo boy, he could panic like himself.
"Fuck, fuck, fuck fuckfuckfuck." Fumbling his phone out--oh christ on a fucking stick why was it so small?--he sent a handful of texts.
@moxxietude -> Moxxie I turned in2 a fucking bird WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO
@ you -> PARAK WTF
@botanikos -> Stols i fukked up and have feathers might have ben fucking w ur book I M SORRY CAN YOU PUT ME BACK i lhave a cloaca tho i guess like we cud uknow wait no sorry long text, short question: HELP?
"Damn right!" Blitz couldn't stop smiling at how cute all of them were. "Hey, do any of them like scritches? These little fuckers are adorable. Yes you are, look at you! You're gonna grow into those big feet, and you're gonna get biiiiiiig chompers, and everyone's gonna live in terror, yes they will, oh yes they will."
The little dinosaur Blitz had scooped up blinked in confusion, but didn't really object to the affection. The imp was scratching it and rubbing its horned head on it, and that felt homelike enough to settle the dinosaur halfway to sleep.
Blitz looked up at Lucid before reluctantly offering it back out. "You tell me if anyone ever tries to hurt these fuckers. Oh, I will end a bitch!"
I mean Blitz brought Audrey II home. How bad could it be if dinosaurs come to Hell too? Lucid should definitely bring them all! What could go wrong? - @doublejango
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“You know what? You’re right! I will bring them all home. I bet Luci would be thrilled to have dinosaurs back too!”