Bend Over And Think Happy Thoughts Blitz, It's Annual Prostate Exam Time!

Bend over and think happy thoughts Blitz, it's annual prostate exam time!

"You know my anatomy is pretty different from a human's, right?" Blitz asked, about to argue--before he realized that actually, this was probably going to be a good time. So fuck it, why not? Taking off his belt, he looped it around the neck of the person flirting at him, tugged them close, and purred affectionately into their ear, "You can go first, baby, but I'm going to ruin you when it's my turn."

^curses you with 2.3 terabytes of Stolitz mpreg fanfiction^

"Of course. You're doing so very well with your district, Visage, I'd be quite pleased to spend some time with you, if you would like that. It's always good to see the--" Vepar's speech faltered for a moment, when the cat Sinner whispered something to him, and his expression abruptly softened. "I know, little one," he murmured, and rocked him gently, as if he were a child. "I know. Hush." Only when the cat quieted did the Duke look back up at Blitz, then at Visage. His black, black eyes drank in the light, their depths almost inviting, as if one could fling themselves into those eyes and fall forever, finding sweet oblivion, peace, and acceptance.

"Forgive me. As I was saying, it's always a pleasure to see the little local governments in action, such as you have here. And really, you're doing so well. Your district is surprisingly safe, for what it is." He hugged the cat closer; by this point, the battered submissive was very nearly asleep. His eyes were half-open, tears slipping out, but the look on his face was the contentment of someone truly exhausted who had finally found their way home. And, all around him, subtle blue-green magic glittered, fine lines in a netlike pattern hugging all around the little Sinner, holding his wounds shut, keeping him together.

"Come at three o'clock tomorrow afternoon, Ms. Visage. The club is not open at that hour, but you will be expected. You are welcome, of course, to bring bodyguards, should you feel more comfortable that way, and you will be able to leave with a substantial reward.

"Thank you both for your efforts here tonight." He turned and swept out, taking the cat with him.

Blitz, swaying slightly, flipped him off as he went. "Fuck that guy. Looking down on us!" He growled, but didn't really have the energy to stay angry. So, deflating, Blitz turned back to her. "So yooouu... are an Overlord? That's, you know, fuck it. I'm not questioning anything else tonight." He hopped down off of the table--faceplanted--and stood quickly, brushing himself off. Exhausted didn't even begin to cover how the fuck he felt right now. Still, he looked up at his ally, a woman he'd never seen before and never could have imagined, his golden eyes gleaming.

"I did promise to thank you in a pretty particular way. You want me to do that now? Or if there's another room you like better...?" It didn't matter that he could barely stand, or that she was mysterious as fuck. Blitz had offered a deal, and Satan fucking damn it, he was going to follow through on it if she asked him to. It didn't matter how exhausted he was. Blitz was tired of letting people down, and determined to keep his word whenever someone asked it of him.

The she-wolf's head snapped back to the doorway at the sound of another unfamiliar voice, a single brow raising at the appearance of the unexpected sight. A Goetia? Here...? As far as she knew, all of their kind were high-and-mighty nobility among hellborn. Fancy birds that lived in grand estates, ruling over the lowly 'rabble' beneath them. To see one of their kind in a place like this...? A myriad of questions flooded her mind. A cast-down pariah of a noble family? A bored duke or prince with a strange hobby? The curiosity was neigh overwhelming. Even so, Visage was always one to trust her instincts and everything about the avian put her immediately on edge. Something was ... off. The ease with which the feline sinner was won over was too convenient, the bird's offer too seemingly sincere. Alarm bells were ringing. But the hellhound found herself at something of an impasse--if she looked further into the club's odd owner and remained behind to ensure the sinner's continued safety, she couldn't also make sure her newfound imp comrade's obvious injuries were properly tended to. What to do? With a momentary crease of her brow, a forced smile quickly swept across her face to mask her ill-ease. "Oh, no, we were just leaving ... though I'm sure you won't mind me coming back tomorrow to follow up? I have some questions for our feline friend, here, but his treatment takes top priority right now. A shit Overlord I'd be if I didn't conduct a proper investigation into an incident like this in my own domain, mm...?" She let the question hang in the air with a small cant of her head, smile widening. It wasn't much, but it was enough to imply that she expected to see the sinner again, which would hopefully be enough to keep him safe until she could return while not openly voicing her distrust. Besides--the opportunity to remind the Goetia that his establishment resided within the territory of a hellhound Overlord was too delightfully petty to resist.

Has Blitzø considered giving his son a job at I.M.P? 

Yes. The one time they actually met, Blitz offered it. He could tell that [redacted] was interested, but reluctant to leave his community, so Blitz left the invitation open and promised to go check on him again soon. But that being said... I will probably only play plots with the son on Discord. I would actually love to do things with him, I fucking adore him, but don't think it's something I am comfortable putting on Tumblr for a few reasons <3 So, for the most part, Blitz having a biological child will never actually be a plot anyone needs to interact with.

That being said, I would fucking love to do a thing where [redacted] gets to meet Stolas, or M&M. Even if it's just a short little one-off thing, Blitz would be so like.. torn between pride and awkwardness at getting to introduce them--while also probably having a fucking silent breakdown because [redacted]'s presence brings up so many fucking things Blitz does not want to remember.

Messing around with Stolas' grimoire has some unexpected consequences. In a swirl of magicks and ethereal shrieks, Blitzø is transformed into...a birb! Specifically an owl demon like Stolas himself. What's the first thing he does? 

"Aw, fuck me," Blitz swore, standing up straight and looking down at himself. Where the fuck was his tail? His--oh fuck, he still had a tail, it was just--it was--

Fuck! Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the FUCK?

Covered in feathers, ridiculously tall, he wasn't an imp. He didn't have horns. Glossy black feathers edged with vermillion, a white disc of tiny, tightly-packed feathers for his face, he didn't look like himself at all--but hoooo boy, he could panic like himself.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck fuckfuckfuck." Fumbling his phone out--oh christ on a fucking stick why was it so small?--he sent a handful of texts.

@moxxietude -> Moxxie I turned in2 a fucking bird WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO

@ you -> PARAK WTF

@botanikos -> Stols i fukked up and have feathers might have ben fucking w ur book I M SORRY CAN YOU PUT ME BACK i lhave a cloaca tho i guess like we cud uknow wait no sorry long text, short question: HELP?

❝Blitz, ❞ Stolas coos, enveloping the imp in his hold. He receives a peppering of kisses and the press of the prince's cheek against his own. ❝ You are SUCH a handsome little devil.~  ❞

Blitz wanted to melt, but he also wanted to keep his eye on the target. Take Your Boyfriend to Work Day was way more fun than it had any right to be, and the real Earth sunlight felt so nice. The temptation to just roll Stolas over into the deep grass and forget about the hit was so strong...

Fuck it.

Blitz melted into him, loving the kisses and the nuzzling. Purring, he wrapped all of his limbs around Stolas, clinging like the thoroughly contented gremlin he was. A moment later though, he pushed Stolas down on his back, where Blitz had been a moment ago. Pinning him, he looked down with a smile--fuck he loved this bird--before kissing him quickly... and fetching his rifle back up.

Stretching out atop him, Blitz got comfortably into position, reacquiring his target.

"Cover your ears, babe," he said, his voice soft and low, but very much an order for once. Blitz gave Stolas a moment to do so, while assessing the shot--trying to use tips from Moxxie, who was a hell of a lot better at long-range work than Blitz was. Letting out a breath, slow and even and smooth, he squeezed the trigger--

And the job was done.

"Whooo!" Up on his knees now, he thrust a fist into the sky with a ridiculous cheer--then remembered where he was and who he was currently straddling. Blitz looked down, expression fucking melting into sappy adoration. Setting the rifle aside, he nuzzled his beautiful, beautiful Stolas again.

"You make work so much harder," he murmured, cupping his face in both hands, blissfully unaware that the way he said those words, they sounded like something else. They sounded like I Love You.

Blitz leaned in and kissed him with all the worship and adoration his fucked up little heart could manage, as if he could press a lifetime of love into a single moment--as if a single moment was all they would ever have.