DBDA Headcanons: Edwin's Notebook

DBDA Headcanons: Edwin's Notebook

Edwin's notebook is an eternal thing.

He had it on the mortal plane when he was alive, but when he brought it to Hell - an eternal place - it too became endless. I think this is supported because he is able to keep case notes in it now for the entire series as well as having his Hell maps at the front from 35+ years ago as he tried to escape.

But this, to him, is not the main value of his notebook and both the maps and case notes inside it. He is extremely attached to it because it's a) something left from his actual life, and b) that has been with him through every stage of his life.

(AKA, it literally went to Hell and back with him, so he feels emotionally bonded to it.)

It also has been with him through the Dead Boy Detective Agency and contains case notes from his best memories with Charles over the past 35 years, and this reminds him that his work is important and his friendship with Charles will always be a comfort.

Finally, he is just very attached to it because it was his salvation when he was in Hell, something that he was doing for himself. Some evidence that he had hope and he could have a future outside of it, and the notebook is a symbol of all of that.

(And, sue him, he's proud. Escaping was a challenge, and it was a massive accomplishment that he achieved with logic and mapping and experimentation and diligent note-taking records. He's smart.)

But in addition to sentimental value, Edwin keeps this notebook for a practical purpose:

It has all of his Hell notes in it, and we know how (rightfully) terrified he is of going back. He thinks that if he has to go back to Hell, having the maps in it - or the memory of the maps in it, at least, so he studies them - will aid him in escaping again.

Because of his attachment to it, Edwin doesn't let anybody besides Charles touch his notebook, and it even took like 10 years for him to let Charles touch it and flip through it. It took 20 for him to let Charles write anything in it.

He also lets Niko quickly press a Keroppi sticker onto the corner of its back cover. It's the only way he has ever allowed the notebook to be altered, but Niko irrevocably altered his life, and he's glad that the sticker on the notebook is hers.

poll via @baddywronglegs

post via @aliteralchicken

Edwin's next reunion with the doll-head spider goes a bit differently...

Companion piece for my new fic Dominance, which is a direct sequel to Spectral Rage (but can largely function as a standalone). Series linked for convenience!

Quick sketch of my boy

Uhm okay what would you guys say if I told you I made a powerpoint/slideshow about Dead Boy Detectives?? It's no masterpiece and it's kinda biased but I completely forgot it existed and feel like SOMEONE needs to see this insanity

It's VERY badly written I'm sorry

(Here's some snippets)

I used 84 images over 47 slides jesus fucking christ

... maybe it's time I get a second job or something because if THIS is how I'm spending my time then it should be taken away BAHAHAH

I like to think about Charles really understanding what Edwin went through in hell. I really wished we'd seen more of that in the show. 😫

Like... how many times do you think Edwin got torn apart down there? How many times could he die and start over in an hour? A day? A year?

How many times did the demon mess him up just enough so that he couldn't run? Stuck sitting there just waiting to either bleed out or for the final strike before starting again?

Anyway ~ I'm feral for hurt/comfort and burn the world for you relationships so here we go ~

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Sometimes Edwin has what they've been calling, for lack of better word, episodes. He had some prior to his second trip in hell but nothing like what he has now.

Charles can't decide if it's easier or harder to witness them now that he knows more about what happened all those years in hell.

Thankfully, most of the time, these episodes happen when they're home. Usually after a particularly rough day and often coinciding with times when Charles is briefly out doing something.

He always knows right away, steps through the mirror to a dark and quiet room. There's a brief but consuming feeling of panic every time he steps out and doesn't immediately see Edwin, but he doesn't think that will ever go away.

There's a few places Edwin tucks himself into when he has an episode, all of them small and dark.

Edwin claims it's muscle memory from all the years in hell he ran and hide.

Personally, Charles thinks Edwin finally has places to hide and takes full advantage of it. He doesn't remember seeing too many places to hide in those terrible, endless hallways of hell.

Charles hates these episodes.

He's trying to be better with his anger but everytime they go through this, everytime Edwin gets a certain look in his eye, or tries to nonchalantly get closer to Charles when something sets off memories, it reminds him that Edwin was taken away from him numerous times and was hurt over and over again.

It makes the rage simmer in his belly and he thinks no one would really hold it against him if he ever gets his hands anyone who's hurt Edwin and let's the rage take over for a minute... or a few minutes. He really wouldn't need more than that with all the anger that seems to burn under his skin.

He's quiet as he walks to the desk, eyeing the chair pulled out and shoved away to make room, before carefully peering around the edge to look under it and Edwin looks back at him with awful, terrified eyes.

He knows how this goes by now, almost the same every time. What a terrible thing to be familiar with.

He quietly sinks to the floor by Edwin and starts trying to squeeze himself under the desk with him. The space is not meant for two people, or even one, but like hell he's going to pull Edwin out of today's chosen hiding place so they can get resettled easier.

He'd done that at the beginning. Tried to remind Edwin where he was and that he was safe, had spoken softly but not as soft as he had in hell, and tried to pull Edwin out. It was a mistake. The look of terror and betrayal on Edwin's face had made sure he never tried that approach again.

It was easier this way, to play along.

He puts a hand on the back of Edwin's head because he always smacks it off the underside of the desk when they hide here, and while it might not hurt him like it would a living being, it still makes a painful sound that has Charles clenching his jaw.

Edwin ends up on his lap, really the only way they both fit, and thankfully he's usually too distracted to realize that Charles has his legs sticking out from under the desk and that their hiding spot isn't really a good spot for two people.

He trembles, even though he's stiff like he's trying desperately not to shake. He clings, hands grasping at Charles's shirt and burying his face in his neck like everything will go away if he can't see it.

Sometimes, it sends Charles spiraling down a rabbit hole, wondering how Edwin held himself up long enough to run in hell when he always shakes so hard during these episodes. His legs wouldn't carry his weight right now if they stood up, he'd go right back down.

It's not something he likes to think too much about, especially when Edwin needs him to hold it together.

Sometimes Edwin cries. Sometimes he begs. Sometimes the only noise is a frantic wheezing.

Charles pulls his legs up more and wraps his arms around Edwin tighter, curling around him as much as he can. He urges him to keep his face tucked away, pets at his hair, and strokes his thumb over his arm. He presses his lips agaist any skin close enough, and starts talking. Soft, and hardly even audible but it always helps.

He talks about everything and anything he can think off. Stories, memories, comforts, praises.

He tells Edwin that he's been absolutely brills to handle this alone before Charles got back, but he's here now and if Edwin needs to just hide away for a little bit, that was fine. Charles has him. Nothing is going to get him.

He's glad Edwin doesn't remember much from these episodes, panic making everything too hazy to understand when he tries. He just knows how they end, usually with the two of them tangled up somewhere, because Charles refuses to let Edwin go until he's completely back to himself but that's as far as he can usually recall.

Charles would crack open his ribcage and let Edwin hide in there if it'd keep him safe.

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Frantically scribbled this down during work so please forgive any errors. Got lots of ideas hanging around my head and little time to type them out 🤔

Gotta love all that trau~ma!