My Dad Is A Christian But When At 8,after Hearing The Story Of Isacc And Abraham, I Asked If He Would

My dad is a Christian but when at 8,after hearing the story of Isacc and Abraham, i asked if he would do something like that to me he said "No, I love you too much".What is God's love in front of your child?

I just got into college

I feel like i am 2 years behind

Ahead of all my peers but I don't feel fine

I feel scared and I feel guilty

'cause my parents will foot the bill

and my physiology's degree in Italy

probably wont pay the rent

i got it figured out when I was like six

but now the time is coming and i just want to weep.

My friend is flirting with soldiers on IG

while I wish I was joking but i think there will be a War

and playing nurse is my thing

but not in real life .

I should be studying proteins

but i am writing this

because i am anxious and life is what it is

I hope they are happy

I hope my ancestors are happy, I hope they look down on me and are so, so proud of themselves, and maybe a little bit of me. 

I get to get ready to go out with a friend (How many girls in my bloodline did the same? I don't think there is anything more universal), I get to put coconut oil in my hair and spray it profume on me (My great-grandparents probably didn't even know what a coconut was), I get to put Arnica gel on my poor legs after going to the gym (My ancestors were roman, maybe a soldier long, long ago did the same thing with the same kind of plant), I have gold and silver on my wrists, rings and bracelets (My mother’s name means “Leftovers” they had nothing, nothing, and now i wear gold and silver)

I get to do all of this because of them, because they existed, and they loved, and they hoped and prayed and did all they could to give their children a better life than the one they had (“Everything we do is for you,dont you dare feel guilty about that” my fathers say when i am sad because they have to spend money on me). And I am so so thankful, and I wish I could repay them, I wish I could do something to show them how much it meant at the end, how good they did, because gods they deserve to know that.

And i hope and i wish and i pray i am making them proud to because i am doing my very very best, to make a name for myself and make my family, all of them included so so proud of me and make sure my kinds, like me, like their kids, got to live a better life than the one i had, even if mine is really really good and i am thankfull.

Life

The sun is shining, the rain is pourting at the same time. The garden is green and lush for summer and the thunders are strong. I whent outside and danced in the rain for a couple of seconds before going back inside. I got to study, tommorow is the last test, then school is over. The day after i will go the city with my friends and we will have fun...life is good once again.

Give me someone to love

Gods i have so much love to give. I am aching to give it to someone, to pour this all into someone who deserve it.

I am not pretty , I am not beautifull, I have a bit to much flesh on my bones to be but by the gods I am going to hold him when he cries.

I am going to make him soup when he is sick. I am going to buy him flowers because men deserve flowers.

I am going to help him with homework and he will help me

I will be good, I have so much love to give, I swear . I will be good, I just want someone to give me half a chance.

I will learn his birthday and knit him a blanket, I will embroider his name inside my pocket to hold him over my heart.

I will kiss his aches, and give him my heart. I will tell him he is beautiful and maybe he will think i am cute.

Fuck that I will be their emergency phone call, I will want to be his, I will be the sunlight to his midnight rain or any other shitty love song reference.

I will be good, I have so much to give. I just want to love someone .

Hector died knowing his wife would be raped and his son would be killed, and that in a way it was his fault for not being strong enough.