Eddie: I Tried To Write 'I'm A Functional Adult' But My Phone Changed It To 'fictional Adult' And I Feel

Eddie: I tried to write 'I'm a functional adult' but my phone changed it to 'fictional adult' and I feel like that's more accurate

Will posts a Tiktok of himself in front of a background that is a text conversation with Steve.

Steve sent him a picture of an old newspaper he found wrapped around some old dishes in storage. On the front page is an article about Will’s body being found in the quarry. It’s accompanied by a text that says, “Lol bad day for you.”

That text was immediately followed by one that said, “Jk your mom is probably still traumatized.”

Followed by another that said, “Seriously, don’t tell her I sent that.”

Will says nothing in the video but had texted back, “I’m glad my brother beat you up.”

Eddie: You have Crayons?

Steve: Yes, I have-

Eddie: You're- how old are you?

Steve: YES I AM AN ADULT AND I HAVE CRAYONS, I HAVE A BOX OF EMERGENCY CRAYONS IN THE CABINET UNDER THE TV BECAUSE EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS SOMETIMES, OKAY? EVERYBODY NEEDS CRAYONS

Someone asks in the comments of one of Eddie’s videos what Steve meant when he said that he was tortured. Eddie responds with a video of him running up to Steve like, “Hey, baby.”

Steve, smiling at Eddie: Hi, Ed.

Steve, frowning at the camera: Hello, Eddie’s internet friends

Eddie: People are gagging to know. How’d you get tortured at the mall?

Steve: It was customer service.

Eddie: Ask me why I love you

Steve: Why do you love me, Eds?

Eddie: *pulls out a 200-slide presentation*

Eddie: I'm so glad you asked

“Babe! It’s about to start,” Steve calls from his spot on their couch.

Their living room has been taken over by the Party, but unlike twenty years ago when they all would have fit crowded but comfortable in the space, they’re like a can of sardines now. Bodies on top of bodies. Some share dining room chairs, others sprawled out on the floor so they don’t block the TV.

It’s rare they’re all together like this now, just the original Hawkins gang, no kids, no outside significant others, just them.

It needed to be like that.

At least for this.

“Thirty years ago, a small town in Indiana was plagued with a serious of misfortune tracing back to government mishandling. Or so the residents were told. While many in the town believed the government story, others became skeptical.

“For the first time ever, we’re talking with a group of citizens who claim to be intimately involved in the events that really happened in a once quiet Indiana town. Stay tuned for a special showing of The Truth Revealed: Hawkins Turned Inside Out.”

“Oh, they were so close,” Dustin chuckles.

“Dammit, Eds! Where are you?” Steve calls again, throwing his body over the open couch cushion as Max tries to claim it.

“The show is starting and he’s not here, so it’s mine now,” she says, pulling on Steve’s arms to get him to move.

“You have Lucas’s lap to sit on!”

“And Eddie has your lap to sit on. Now move!”

Steve’s about to give in when Eddie comes racing down the hallway. The sudden absence of his thunderous footsteps is the only warning sign before he throws himself over the back of the couch and crashes down on Steve’s back as if he’s still a twentysomething year old and not a fiftysomething year old.”

“Seriously, Eds?” Steve groans under the weight of Eddie.

“Aw, baby,” Eddie croons. “Thought you loved being under me.”

The room erupts into a chorus of mock gagging and outrage. It brings Steve right back to the summer of 1986, when he and Eddie’s relationship was new and shocked the kids. They couldn’t even peck each other on the cheek without one of them wanting to gouge their eyes out. In a fun way, of course.

“We still got it,” Eddie laughs, leaning forward to free Steve.

“You guys are disgusting,” Robin laughs from the chair she’s currently sharing with Robin. Bodies pressed so close together they’re practically intertwined. She’s one to talk.

“What are you wearing, babe?” Steve asks, glancing over at Eddie for the first time since he made his dramatic entrance.

Eddie beams. His cheek dimples so big and deep, Steve’s pretty sure he could bury his entire pinky nail into them.

“Thought I’d dress for the occasion,” he shrugs. “What do you think?”

Steve blinks, really taking in Eddie. He’s wearing an old Hellfire Shirt. It’s not the same one he wore during Spring Break 1986 — that one went stayed behind in the Winnebago — but it’s the same design. A leftover from the hoard of shirts Eddie made for his club all those years ago.

It’s a snug fit. The logo stretched taunt across Eddie’s well-loved belly. The bottom of the shirt barely covers his navel, rolling up at the hem. The sleeves still fit though. Nothing’s changed too much about Eddie’s arms, aside from new ink to cover some of the scars.

Eddie’s left no detail unturned. From the black jeans that aren’t as baggy as they used to be, to the chain and bandana in his back pocket. He’s even got his old rings on. The only detail out of line is the missing skull ring he used to wear on his left ring finger. A black band with a gold stripe through it sits there instead.

“You should have told us you were dressing up,” Dustin wines.

“Yeah! I would have found dug mine out of storage,” Mike adds.

“If I told you it wouldn’t have been a surprise!” Eddie smiles, tipping his head back in that satisfied way of his.

“And now it’s time to learn what really happened in Hawkins, Indiana in the 1980s,” the announcer says.

Her booming voice is met with a chorus of shushing and chants to turn it up, all of which are listened to as they settle in to watch themselves reveal what really happened all those years ago.

Of course, it doesn’t stay silent for long as they all chime in with comments, laughter, and even some tears. They may be thirty years removed from the events, but the wounds are still fresh for most of them.

On the final commercial break, Erica checks in with social media on her phone. Shaking her head and mumbling curses under her breath.

“They don’t believe us,” she fumes, typing violently on her phone. “Those idiots. It’s just the facts!”

“We knew we weren’t going to convince everyone,” Lucas says, trying to placate her.

“It was never about them,” El nods. “It was about telling our truth. So we do not have to lie anymore.”

“I know,” Erica groans. “But it’s still annoying. They’re still going to think we’re freaks.”

“Nothing wrong with that,” Eddie says.  

They all nod in agreement as the final segment of the show begins. It’s quiet as they watch the final minutes of their own interviews play out on television. They all get asked the same question:

“If you could go back and relive those years without any of these events happening, would you?”

To no one surprise, they all answer no.

But it’s Steve’s answer that gets everyone choked up.

Especially Eddie.

“Absolutely not. I wouldn’t be the man I am today without the shit we went through. I never would have met my platonic soulmate. Or the love of my life. And I would probably be stuck in a miserable cookie-cutter family, instead of the found family I have because of those events. I’d take a thousand more hits to the head or bites to my chest if I had too to keep them around.

“Besides, being normal is overrated. Being a freak is so much better,” on-TV Steve says, winking directly into the camera.

Eddie leaps at Steve, smothering him with over-the-top kisses until the kids are groaning and gauging so loud it drowns out any of the trauma that the documentary might have brought back up.

“I’m changing my answer,” Dustin groans. “I’d go back and make sure you two stayed mortal enemies!”

“Too late, Henderson,” Steve sings. “You already said you wouldn’t go back. It’s immortalized on TV!”