Alberu Is Just That Guy

Alberu is just that guy

been thinking about Alberu Crossman lately and how he really is just the guy of all time. he's a magic swordsman prince and a quarter Dark Elf, but his main weapon is a gun. and not just any gun, but an alien gun that came pre-installed with AI. he spent half a chapter on hold with customer service once. his alias of choice when going undercover is "Bob." he's white-passing, but only when he wants to be. his main catchphrase is "This is driving me nuts." he uses this catchphrase so much, the fandom has started associating him with squirrel imagery. he's the only person to call Cale an immature brat to his face. he was assigned a fursona by God. he's genuinely upset that the main villain makes better cookies than he does. he fought the final boss in his pajamas - and won. he averted a TPK for Cale's allies by taking a video call as his fursona. he once shot the main villain while he was monologuing. he's even a gamer. what did we do to deserve him

The pure chaos of night raven is too fckin funny to me, Trey being the literal back bone of Heartslabyul and Idia & Leona being lazy asf sent me

Will there be a continuation tho—? 👀

the first-years accidentally enter a Sage's Island singing competition, because yuu saw the words "participation money" on the poster and signed them up immediately because the vacation fund, you guys, THE VACATION FUND-- (different au from the restaurant, btw)

the contest is through video submissions, so yuu brings all the first-year together to pump out a semi-decent, story-driven music video (think "last friday night" by katy perry -- a mix of story cutscenes and actual dancing). they used to dabble in making original music back home, so they write up a quick, catchy song, and assign everyone their roles.

after the whole fairy gala thing, jack and ortho are very adept at making walking/flying look fabulous, and so they're the main stars for the acting segments. ortho is also in charge of the technical parts: providing equipment, editing, etc. jack is very embarrassed over the idea of being in a music video that a bunch of people will see, but after he sees leona eat a mouse off the floor because he was too lazy to pick up the plate of food ruggie left for him, he decides he really needs his vacation as soon as possible. same for ortho, except he had to watch idia heat up a cup of ramen, drop the whole thing on the ground, and then proceed to still eat it anyway.

since ace actually knows what people like, he's in charge of planning and directing the choreography and writing the story. he's a little bitchy about it, but he's good at what he does, and not nearly as bad as vil, so... little mercies.

being strong enough to carry the heavy equipment, sebek is the one in charge of actually recording the video itself. he's ALSO in charge of making the costumes, being the only one with enough determination to study for five nights straight on modern fashion trends and... y'know, being the only person out of the seven who knows how to sew, lol. being the emotional, sensitive guy he is, he's also in charge of the lighting and the overall aesthetic of the video, knowing exactly which elements will evoke what response in people (aka, he throws a bunch of things at the wall and sees which one makes him cry the hardest). don't worry-- yuu keeps him from plastering malleus's face all over it.

that leaves epel and deuce to be the dancers. luckily, the choreography isn't nearly as... bubblegum pop, i guess, as "absolutely beautiful", so it doesn't take a whole lot of convincing for them to do it. deuce, like jack and ortho, isn't entirely sure of being on camera, but then trey gets called back to the queendom by a family emergency, and the whole dorm goes to shit and somehow catches on fire, soooooo...

at the end, they submit their video, and grab their participation money. and they honestly think that's the end of it...

...until they get an email saying they won first place, the video blows up on TwistTube, articles start getting written analyzing the metaphors and complex story in the video, and now eric venue is coming to sage's island to see if they'd be willing to do a promotional music video for a movie he's producing.

uhhhhh... whoops?

I'd imagine Yuu is the part-time therapist lmao, seeing some acquaintances *cough* some overblot victims *cough* popping in fully covered from head to toe requesting a private audience with Yuu via cards with words written on it cuz god forbid they talk and get recognized for their voices.

Because of this anonymity system that Yuu set up, the therapy room is by far the room that's never empty in the NRC cuz sometimes a lot of times, students just wanna vent especially teenage boys when it starts to spread that Yuu doesn't judge people for their feelings.

Ps. I love your ideas btw, author

Twst but the first-year gang become actual licensed professionals cause Crowley will donate to the Vacation Fund if they do?

anything 4 u, baby.

actual licensed professionals in what, though, is the question? 🤔

maybe the nurse quits because of their extremely low wages, so crowley convinces the first-years to go to freaking medical school to get licenses to practice medicine (because he is NOT going to be sued if things go poorly), and all of them start working in the infirmary part-time for 100 thaumarks a day.

sebek is already the son of a dentist, and he's surprisingly really intense about it (IT'S MY FATHER'S LEGACY, AND I WILL CARRY IT WITH HONOR) so you have him filling in cavities and stabbing people and saying that the knife going through their arm wouldn't have hurt if they had just flossed, obviously. given all his swords training, he's also in charge of applying ointment to cuts and making casts for broken bones. he's also great

being a pomefiore student, and combined with his newly-secured medical license, epel can mix up an extremely potent healing potion. being an apple farmer from harveston, he can also expertly mix epels into the concoction so that it tastes a little less like dirt. students start going to epel instead of crewel for their health potions because his don't make them feel like throwing up, lol. he also gains a reputation for cursing out people who keep showing up with the same injuries every damn day. ("WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU GOT BUCKED IN THE FACT BY A HORSE AGAIN, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU--")

ace is very good at noticing little details in people (always thinking about his fairy gala vignette fr), and can almost diagnose someone the moment they step through the infirmary door. the rumors of his genius ability spreads through the school like wildfire, and next thing you know, he's putting actual sage's island hospitals out of business because now people are going to him instead of actual adult doctors, and ace just. doesn't notice?? like he genuinely thinks full-grown adults coming to him for his expert opinion is just a part of his job description as a high school nurse.

while deuce has a license, he's still not very good at being a medical professional. first day on the job, he knocks over all of epel's potions, catches the infirmary on fire, and gives their anemic patient the flu... somehow. luckily, as we all know, deuce has the charisma of a million gods, so he's in charge of calming people down in the waiting room that he also helped to decorate. the harsh blue on yellow walls are a little much, but eh. deuce is cute, so he makes up for it. some people come in for check-ups just to talk to him, because the rizz never ends.

ortho is like. all the hospital machines in one tiny robot body. he is your x-ray, your weight scale, your height scale, and your radio if your laid in bed and bored... if you don't mind listening to hetalia character songs, lol. he'll switch to something different if you want, but you can't actually tell him what to play, because he's not being paid to play music for you so he doesn't feel the need to heed your request. you are literally at his mercy when it comes to music, so you better get used to listening to oshi no ko's opening theme on loop while you're laid up in bed for the next five hours.

jack does the actual physical stuff -- checking reflexes, writing up prescriptions, using ortho to take x-rays, that sort of thing. people are a little intimidated by him, especially the kids, but all it takes is letting them pet him between the ears for them to calm down. importantly, he is literally the only one of the freshmen to realize that they're doing a lot more work than they probably should be for seven people in a school full of people who'd rather relocate their dislocated limbs themselves than admit they need help. not that he says anything about it because, well, they need the vacation money.

yuu is their ever-exhausted secretary. they're in charge of scheduling appointments, receiving calls, managing their budget, and growing herbs in the botanical gardens, because ingredients for healing potions don't grow on trees... they grow in bushes. they're so overworked, it barely ever occurs to them that maybe some of the people scheduling for appointments really shouldn't be there??? like this girl is literally 6, why is she coming to us about her aching tummy-wummy.

the first-years's medical practice becomes famous around sage's island, and they're over here trying to figure out where they're going to go once they've raised all their vacation money, lol.

Fr though, he ain't letting people call him out for his rule breaking, he memorized all the rules just so he can call himself out.. by himself

Spreading my agenda that Ace Trappola might be the worst and best option for Heartslabyul's next housewarden

SOMEONE!! ANYONE!!!! PLEASE WRITE THIS INTO A FULL FLEDGED FIC😭😭😭

y’know what, fuck it— a TWST event inspired by “enchanted (2007)” where our first-year bois (and their one enby) take a night out on the town, and after an encounter with a cursed artifact they find in a pawn shop, they lose all their memories and get them replaced with new ones. 

what are these new memories, you ask? they’re all roommates living in a crappy apartment on sage’s island, they all always wanted to go to nrc but they don’t have any magic powers, and ortho is not a robot who is their friend, but their extremely articulate computer ripped straight from the early 2000s, even though they still talk to him like he’s sentient and he is very obviously sentient.

(“i just don’t get people, y’know? i don’t know how to talk to them.”

*windows dial-up sounds*

“see? at least you get me.”)

their personalities are still intact, though, but some of the more obvious parts have been… altered. aka, sebek doesn’t talk about malleus or fae every couple of minutes, but he’s still our loud, proud crocoboy.

also, they all have part-time jobs. take that how you will.

the upperclassmen are in crisis mode, obviously, and the scarabiduo haven’t stopped having collective ptsd for three days straight, because SEVEN FRESHMEN disappeared in the middle of the night, and well, they’re just going down the logical train of thought here—

it all culminates while yuu is out buying groceries with what little they earn at their shitty supermarket job (🙏😭 for employee discountsssss) and they run into professor trein and professor crewel who are putting up “wanted — dead or alive” posters while buying cat/dog food.

what ensues is a chase scene involving two grown, adult men chasing down this poor enby around the store. 

“I JUST WANTED TO BUY SOME SHOES FOR MY COMPUTER!”

“WHY THE FUCK DOES YOUR COMPUTER NEED FUCKING SHOES?!?!?!”

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