The Premium Version Of Human Is Here To Wreck House, Mfs.

The premium version of human is here to wreck house, mfs.

[Twst x ObeyMe!AFAB!reader]

CHP. 7

Again, I thank y'all for the reblogs, likes and comments guys, it really helps me :)

CW: Blue pronouns or address for MC every time they get mistaken for a guy. Also, I'm a potty mouth so MC is too.

Inhale..

Exhale....

Inhale......

Exhale.......

Inhale.........

Ex-fucking-hale.......

You're about to have a stroke right now.

You should've just went back to the goddamn infirmary instead of checking in on these obnoxious, bitch-less, probably father-less, motherfuckers.

It's just cleaning windows!! How the hell can you mess up like this?! Why the fuck did the cafeteria chandelier get involved??

GODDAMNIT!! WHY IS YUU INVOLVED AS WELL?! AHHHH—!

*One eternity of screaming like a banshee later*

After sending those damn kids and cat away to get some sort of magical stone in some godforsaken mine, you wrangled with the headmaster for at least two hours to prevent him from writing up the expulsion papers of Yuu and that Blue-haired kid who was mostly innocent about the ordeal.

(Meanwhile, encouraging him to kick that Ace kid and the damn cat off the school. You ain't about to let audacity run free rn, mostly because you feel yourself start genuinely tweaking as you almost got possessed by the urge to sucker punch someone's soul out of their body.)

[Satan perked up, there it was again.

That distinctive spark of wrath that he can feel through your pact with him is both concerning and comforting.

On one hand, the anger he feels means that you're alive. And seeing that what he's feeling through the pact is mostly annoyance, then that must mean that nothing marginally bad or traumatizing had happened to you yet.

You're actually more pissed off in a 'someone-had-the-audacity-to-eat-my-snacks' kind of way more than anything else, meaning that you're safe for now.

But on the other hand, he doesn't know how long that temporary safety will last.

There's also the fact this is the fourth time he'd felt that spark of 'I-wanna-punt-someone-into-the-fuckin-sun' kind of anger from you, which is worrying because it hasn't even been 48 hours since you were kidnapped by some mf.

He shook his head, calling upon a subordinate (read: Devoted fan) to collect more and more books to learn what type of teleportation and sleeping magic was used in your kidnapping.

With the massive search party spanning all three realms that they'd called upon, they will find you sooner or later.

And once they do...

Well... You'll need to get used to being with someone at all hours of the day.]

*Passive-aggresively reminding Crowley that he can't kick out an innocent kid for something they didn't directly do as they had no way of stopping the events that transpired.*

["You don't want the word to get out that you let an innocent teen roam around in a foreign world with absolutely nothing to their name and nobody to protect them, right?"

"That is true, but I still can't just let this go unpunis–"

"Especially when it's the school's faulty equipment that took them so far away from all of their loved ones and belongings, right?"]

Needless to say, Yuu ended up being "fired" in the end, quite an unfortunate result because they will need to freeload off of you until the end of your stay in this world. (Poor them, they got fired before they knew that they had a job in the first place.)

Oh well, it's better than being kicked out from practically their only way back home right now...

Hays... That cruel crow..

Anygays, it's time to snoop around and hopefully make some connections to the residents of this school.

This is a well-known college, right? So there should be influential people here somewhere...

Hehe.. It's time you bring out your gaslight, gatekeep, gold-digging skills so that you can girlboss your way into stability inside this foreign world.

• • • • • •

Suddenly, more than a dozen individuals felt a strong shiver run up their spines.

Haha... Well that's ominous!

• • • • • •

Ortho deadpanned at his brother.

It seems that almost burning down their dorm room last night isn't enough to deter him from making his [Mr. L/n x reader] fanfiction complete with mandatory fan art for every single chapter.

Haaa....

But at least his brother isn't 'fanboying' about another fictional character again...

Hm... Now that he thinks about it..

Maybe his brother will be more inclined to make friends if it's Mr. L/n!

And thus begins Ortho's journey of being an unknowing wingman as he tries to get his introverted brother to make friends.

• • • • • •

You narrowed your eyes as you looked at the small gift on top of your temporary bed in the infirmary.

Dats suspicious....

Dats weird......

You turn your necklace into a staff and start poking the box, trying to see if it'll suddenly turn into a horrific eldritch monster and jump you. (Won't be the first time that happened.)

• • • • •

"It is done, ××× ×× ××××××" (This is too easy to guess😑)

• • • • •

Diavolo sighed for the tenth time that hour, lamenting how trying to focus on his paperwork is a really hard task when MC gets thrown into the situation.

'Maybe a small break will help clear my head?'

He might as well just go out for a walk in the garden to get some fresh... air...

Oh? what is this?

His eyes scanned the dark envelope he'd seen wedged under the 'To burn' stack of paperwork in his desk.

This envelope wasn't here yesterday...

After confirming that the piece of paper wasn't cursed or charmed, he opened it with apprehension.

...!

This..!

• • • • •

Barbatos appeared in the office, tense as he'd heard his lord call out his name with haste.

Reading the letter shoved in front of his face by the serious Diavolo, Barbatos made a mental note to get the dungeon chambers ready.

They've got themselves a lead.

← Pr.6 | Chapter List | Chp. 1.1 →

Just tell me if y'all wanna get added in the permanent taglist, even if I already tagged y'all here.

That's just so I'll know if you wanna get tagged in all the upcoming chapters of this fanfic.

@caprinaesprout

@iameliseposts

@leviathans-tail-scales

@twst-om-lover

@a-traveling-void-human

Reblog or I'll take your ankles😈 (Pls like and reblog, it really gives me motivation🥺)

Also, the next chap is the start of Arc 1: Satan but short.

*Laughs like a menace into the void*

Just wanted to draw him playing the violin~ Extra:

I'm confused here, who's abusing who? Because, I'm pretty sure Dazai and Chuuya have done equally shitty things to each other while still trusting the other with their own lives.

(That's why those two mfs need to get together, like– rn.)

Though I don't think anything romantic happened between SKK whilst Dazai was still in the mafia, I do think their partnership was still real confusing from the outside.

Like, in the Fifteen manga these boys are repeatedly grabbing each other and holding on to each other. Dazai is constantly in Chuuya's space and it's fine, but as soon as they say something that alludes to, or makes it blatantly obvious they care about each other, they freak out. That's grooooooss to them. Because feelings are icky, but holding someone's face an inch away from your own is normal.

Given that neither have them had a real concept of what is socially acceptable, I think they formed their own boundaries around physical contact that wasn't influenced by societal opinions and was very casual.

Someone would say to Chuuya, "Hey are you and Dazai dating?" and when he acts disgusted by that idea they add "But you were sitting his lap yesterday???"

Then Chuuya responds, "No, he was ignoring me to play his stupid game, so I sat on him to punish him for not answering me. Then we took turns trying to beat this level in the game. I wasn't in his lap, I was on him, there's a difference, Moron."

Similarly someone will insinuate to Dazai that him and Chuuya are dating because they saw them holding hands and Dazai will correct them like, "Ew, he wasn't holding my hand. Chuuya gets cranky when he has to sit still, so he plays with my hand sometimes in meetings. It keeps him quiet, don't make it weird."

Maybe the older they got and the more people who would interpret this casual platonic intimacy as romantic they started to feel weirder displaying it in front of people. They put distance between themselves as people's opinions began to affect them.

And then, after Dazai leaves the mafia, they go several years not talking and develop complicated feelings around interacting with each other again now they're on opposing sides. Their boundaries get much harsher as they try to navigate getting to know each other again, but eventually they slip into old habits and comforts again.

Just stop writing if you can't even provide time and effort into genuinely writing your fanfics.

That's much better instead of using Ai and deceiving your readers into thinking that you used actual effort and skill on your work. 😒

My words are harsh and it burns but if you can't handle the burn then why don't you try making actual fucking effort on your work like actual authors (fanfic authors or otherwise) instead of being a lazy pussy and using Ai.

Thieves aren't welcome here.

I'd rather be a bitch than let people who leech on real authors get their way.

kind of wanna reinforce this here. because i’ve seen ai writing become so popular on tik tok.

ai writing is not okay.

it’s literally theft. just like how ai art steals, ai writing steals. it’s using authors’ very real work to generate whatever you type in. and this also needs to be said as well.

writing is a form of art. fanfiction is a form of literature.

seeing this all over my fyp is REALLY discouraging. fanfic itself is already a labor of love and we love it when you interact. but please do not use ai writing for your fanfic needs when this writing literally steals from fanfic authors.

genuinely don’t know if this post will go around because my interactions outside of hcs are shit, but i hope it does.

The premium version of human is here to wreck house, mfs.

[Twst x Obey Me!AFAB!reader]

CHP. 6

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: PROLOGUE 5

I get really happy every time one of you guys like, reblog, or comment on my chapters, Thanks guys :3

CW: ANYTIME that MC is referred with male address or pronouns it's going to be color blue. There's also a shit-ton of cursing here.

You can feel your blood pressure ascending into the Celestial Realm (faster than a newly deceased good person) as this Azul Asheng-something mf drags you into his oh-so-fancy "Monstro Lounge" while you're just peacefully trying to fuck off from his dorm.

You were unfortunately curious enough to go poke your head into the mirrors leading to the dorms to see what they've got and use it as inspiration, but then this greasy-ass bitch sadly spotted you and literally hounded you to go in.

You would've socked him in the face for a second time but it turns out that he's a pretty important figure in this school.

You don't really wanna get in trouble for doing that.

(You may be able to do it to Crowley but you don't know if this attempted-bangle-thief has influential parents or something.. Crowley meanwhile, acts pretty parent-less for you.)

You are keeping an eye on him though.

If he tries any bullshit then he's getting his ass kicked.

Social hierarchy be damned.

You didn't rein in 10 demons, 3 angels, The greatest sorcerer in all of humanity and The literal fuckin grim reaper, (who're all constantly dragging you onto bullshit as either an accomplice or the baby-sitter) just for some dude in an Emo-friendly-cut-my-life-into-pieces college to best you.

• • • •

Jade did a double-take.

"..."

He blinked.

Azul is sending him SOS signals by blinking morse code at him.

Jade rubbed his eyes for a few seconds.

"..."

Nope, still the same.

Azul: *Blinking for help intensifies*

...Pft–

He bit his lip to stop his laughter from escaping.

Who would've thought that he'll see a day where his precious housewarden is having his face passive-aggresively squished and kneaded by a new student? And also, probably getting himself threatened based on the eerie smile on the students' face.

Azul should be grateful that floyd isn't here, lest he'll have two people on his hands that are more than happy to squish him around. He should be grateful there isn't anyone else around, really.. Lest the reputation he took so long to build crumbles.

Oh he can just imagine it at the top of his head.. The poor octo-mer will probably combust from embarrassment and maybe even go find himself an octo-pot that he can shimmy himself into.. oh how he misses those days...

(Elae: I'm just imagining baby Azul shimmying into a lil pot.. Ugh, so adorable I'm getting cute aggression.)

He does eventually step in to stop the student from treating Azul's face like a squishy piece of dough He took a couple of pictures ofc. he ain't an amateur, but not before almost getting his own face fall victim to the new students' hands.

• • • •

"You try this shit again and see what happens." You smiled at him as you squished his face.

He's still holding onto your wrists but he seems to have given up from escaping your passive-aggresive face massage. Instead, he seems to have settled in blinking so fast he can almost fly with his eyelashes.

This bitch really had the audacity to try and get you to sell your jewelry to him in exchange for a room in his frankly unimpressive dorm. (You have more than a dozen rich and powerful simps. A dorm in a college ain't gonna be enough to impress you anymore.)

"— I know that you must not have any money to pay but maybe we can compromise, it's gonna be hard for you and your friend (Yuu) to keep staying in the infirmary after all.."

"We can manage—"

"And my benevolence will not allow me to let some poor unfortunate souls be without accommodations... So what if, for a week of stay each, you give me your jewelry in retur—"

You got so pissed at the audacity that you almost strangled him but changed your tactic into a hateful squeezing the last second. (You can't be reported for physically violent behavior rn.)

He speaks as if the entirety of this college and its dorms can actually be worth even a single piece of the ring in your left hand.

But seriously? 15,000 madols (that's the price Azul told you) for one night of stay?? If you're gonna be paying that much money for a single room, then that room better solve all your problems, fulfill your greatest ambitions and then suck your imaginary dick afterwards.

Your annoyed musings were cut off when a hand tries to remove your grip from Azul's face.

You absent-mindedly reach your other hand, trying to deliver another kneading to a new victim.

• • • • •

Azul covers his face with his hand, embarrassed of how the situation played out.

It doesn't help that Floyd is cackling like a deranged maniac at him right now.

Thank goodness they're in his office.

"Can you stOp?!"

Poor bbg was so embarrassed his voice cracked :<

Hmph.

Jokes on you, even if he got embarrassed today he still got closer to your jewelry.

And now, he can 100% confirm that those ornaments aren't just for decorations.

The strong magic from your rings that were pressed against his face confirmed it.

Those things are definitely custom-made magical artifacts of the highest caliber.

Now.. How to get them...

• • • • •

You stopped walking, feeling someone's gaze on you.

Looking around discreetly, you didn't see anyone but you can still feel the eyes on your form.

Yeah no.

You continue on, ignoring the feeling of being watched, but not going to dark places or spots where you'll be all alone.

Time to check in on Yuu and their unwilling gang of window cleaners.

See if they're done already.

The sun is starting to go down, after all.

• • • • •

Mc... We're going to come find you.

Don't worry..

Please stay safe..

Please don't forget that we love you more than anything else in existence..

0u® |!gHt įN tH€ d@RkN€§$

← Pr. 5 | Chapter List | Pr. 7 →

EDIT: WTF WHY DID THIS CHAPTER GET POSTED?! I SAVED IT IN THE GODDAMN DRAFTS THIS AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DONE YET WHAT THE HELL?!

Oh welp, ain't nothing I can do about it now..

Thanks for reading this far, readers☺️

Reblog or I'll bite ya ankles😈

@f0uerleafedcl0ver

@leviathans-tail-scales

@a-traveling-void-human

@xingyunny

@caprinaesprout (should I put you in the permanent tag list for this series?)

Tagging isn't working for some reason so I can't tag some of y'all. The usernames I tagged just fuckin disappearing.

Tumblr is messing with me rn.

You wanna throw hands, Tumblr??

Lmao, bitch slapping a dragon just so he can punch his bf awake is like the plot of Sleeping Beauty but the Crackhead version💀

Shoutout to chuuya for the time he decided to enable corruption, which literally destroys his organs, and proceed to bitch slap a dragon with a building just so he could go and punch his boyfriend. The queers have outdone themselves.