The Astronaut, Single By Jin

The Astronaut, single by Jin

Note: It’s been a long time and here I am, still stuck in ‘The Astronaut’. Gonna share some personal opinion on this and I swear, I’ll shut up.

Rating - 10/10

“A life, a sparkle in your eyes, Heaven coming through, And I love you.”

Where do I even start? I feel like no matter how much I rant, my love for this song can never be expressed in words. The lyrics, the music and the mv, all of these have their own charms. I just absolutely love it.

Let’s start with its lyrics. I love the references of the cosmos used in this song. If Jin was an asteroid drifting all alone, Army was his heaven, a safe place. When Jin is in darkness, Army shines upon him like the Milky way. “You became my universe” is enough to prove how Jin dedicates his life for us and how we have become everything for him. We all know from the previous solo works of Jin that he is someone who constantly doubts himself and it is the love of the Army that brings him back from despair.

Isn’t it amazing how Jin, and all the BTS members in general, show how grateful they are to us? I am also grateful to them for making us feel loved. This song directly touches the heart. It is, in fact, the best kind of love letter one can ever wish for. It is a song that feels too personal. I feel like it was meant for me, as an individual. That’s one of the best achievements of this masterpiece.

The music video is so cute. Jin, representing an alien crashing on earth, who apparently doesn’t have any emotions. The little girl of his neighborhood plays with him often and he unconsciously grows empathy within himself. On the day his spaceship is finally leaving to go back to space, Jin realizes that it is the earth that is his true home and comes back.

Here are a lot of indications. For a start, the little girl represents Armys. If Jin was someone without dreams, the Armys made him want to dream. Just like the little girl helped him with the development of emotions. Again, though unconsciously, when the alien Jin decided to leave for good, he left his helmet with the girl so that she doesn’t hurt herself riding the bike alone without him around. As our Jin was leaving to join the military, he had left his precious song and along with it, a lot of content for the Armys to enjoy in his absence. Even the morse code for ARMY was literally tattooed on his neck in the mv. Just like the alien Jin realizing that the girl was his true home and coming back to her at the end, our Jin also promises us his coming back after serving his time in the military. Hence, I love the music video so much and I keep coming back to it time after time.

I will forever be grateful to Coldplay for accepting Jin’s request and making this song a reality. They are the sweetest souls ever. It shows how a real artist can recognize and appreciate another great artist. I love the bond between Jin and them, especially with Chris. It makes me immensely proud how far Jin has come. While he considered Coldplay as his idol in his youth, he is now collaborating with them side by side. Both of their styles of music are evident in this track. As if two beautiful melodies came together to become a better version of themselves.

I can’t talk about the Astronaut without bringing up the concert in Argentina. Here’s another reason for me to be grateful to Coldplay. They really understood the significance of this song for the Armys as a goodbye gift from Jin and that’s why they decided to have him at their personal concert. I could see the admiration in their eyes when Jin was performing. I also enjoyed the part where Chris opened his arms for Jin to run and embrace him while he sweetly kissed him on the cheek. This interaction was everything. When, both Chris and Jin were singing together to my favorite part and they couldn’t help but laugh in between, we could see Jin’s sparkling eyes so clearly. It shows how overwhelmed he was with emotion. I won’t lie about crying to that part myself.

Finally, the “I love you” part deserves its own paragraph. Would you think that it wasn’t intentional of Jin to finish his last live performance for the Armys by saying that he loves us? I think not. Jin is a genius and an absolute sweetheart for that. The reactions of the Armys at the concert was genuine. They looked so happy and sad at the same time. And I love you too, my Jinnie.

I am fully absorbed in this piece of art. It has become a part of me and I am totally obsessed with it now. I thank you, Jin, for making me feel this way. This work of yours is going to live in my heart rent free for the rest of my life.

I’m Back...

I am attending my last exam tomorrow. Soon, I’ll be posting regularly again. At least, I hope so...

These are what you’re gonna get before long:

The last part of ‘My Guardian Angel’

Fast updates on the series ‘Noona! Please! Help!’

Slow updates on the series ‘The Other Side’

Personal review on Jin’s single ‘The Astronaut’

Short drabbles, if I have the time and mood

My Guardian Angel - Part 3 (Final)

Fandom: BTS Paring: Min Yoongi x Female Reader Genre: Angst Warning: Age gap, mc being a brat, traumatic past, mention of abusive household, a little depressing, I’m sorry it ended this way. Word Count: 2k Words Note: Since the reader is only 15 years old, I reduced Yoongi’s age to be 22. Please keep the age gap in mind before diving in to read. I must say there is nothing explicit in here.

Summary: When things are bound to fall apart, You find out how powerless you are to the destiny...

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 [Complete]

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I was beyond angry. Yoongi just informed me that today was the last day in town for me till next month. He was going to be working on the weekends as well with only a day off per month. That meant, no more coming to the town for grocery shopping.

"But I won't forget to buy you a present, kitten. Also you can buy more than one thing when you're coming to the store yourself once a month."

"I don't want your stupid gifts." I angrily said, "I want you. At least, on a weekend."

"Kitten," Yoongi sighed, unable to deal with my raging state, "I'm sorry. You see, it's not something that I can control."

"Fine." I yelled, "get out of my sight. I'm not going home with you."

"Kitten…" He tried to speak but was interrupted by a lady.

"Is everything alright, dear?" The question was directed toward me.

"Yeah, everything's fine. We're just having a discussion. Thank you." Yoongi dismissed her concerns which seemed to be irritating her somehow.

"Are you sure you're alright?" She asked me again. When I nodded my head the lady further asked, "Who is he? Do you know him?"

"Excuse me!" Yoongi said, "I don't see why you need to know that."

The lady still asked me without bothering to look at him, "is he threatening you?"

"What?" was Yoongi's reply.

I shook my head. Then, the lady turned to Yoongi and said, "Sir, I'm very concerned about this child. Please state your relationship to her."

"That's none of your business." Yoongi answered bitterly. He grabbed my wrist and walked straight to our car.

"Sir…" the lady called from behind but we simply speeded our walk and got in the car.

I wanted to apologize for reacting like that in the store earlier and for gaining unwanted attention. Somehow I couldn't manage to do it as I felt a growing lump on my throat.

Yoongi, on the other hand, looked disturbed. I wasn't sure if it was because of the lady or myself.

In the evening, I sat on the bed while Shelby lay beside me. She stayed too quiet as if she understood the dull atmosphere of the house. I ran my hand through her. She moved closer to me and relaxed in a more comfortable position.

Yoongi was cooking outside. I dared not to go to him at the moment. I felt that something wrong was going to happen and I dreaded its arrival. I tried to plan the best way I could apologize to lift his mood. After all, it was my fault that the day went to ruin.

Then I heard a car being pulled up outside. I froze.

Could it be…

I peeked through the window and got a glance of a police car. “Why are the police here?” I thought to myself. Unconsciously I started biting my nails.

I could sense that Yoongi was talking to them outside. A dull ache was twisting within my stomach.

After a few minutes, Yoongi came inside, his face unreadable. He spoke quietly, “Kitten, you need to come out for a moment. Here’s an officer to meet you. Please talk to him nicely.”

I nodded slowly and, almost in daze, walked outside. The man in a police uniform greeted me. He asked me to sit down. After we’re both seated at the patio, the officer asked Yoongi to leave us alone.

“No!” I immediately opposed it. “He’ll stay.”

Yoongi said, “I won’t interrupt, sir. I’ll just stay beside her so that she doesn’t feel too nervous about this whole situation.”

The officer nodded and turned to me. He said that he had to ask me some questions and I was required to answer them honestly. I needed not to be  scared. When I approved, he proceeded to ask me where I came from, who was my guardian, what happened that made me run away from home, how I met Yoongi, how long had I been living with him, if I considered him to be a dangerous man etc.

I answered him truthfully. I told him how abusive of a man my step father was. I told him all the evil things he had done to me. I told him how my life was a living hell before I met Yoongi.

Every now and then, whenever I faltered in between, Yoongi would softly squeeze my hand. It was hard for me to bring up the nasty past. But I had to do it. I had to convince the police that it was my own decision that I ran away and still my own that I stayed with him.

Finally, the police said that I could go. Yoongi took me inside and whispered to me, “you did bravely, kitten.”

Then, he went out to have a last chat with the police. I waited patiently and prayed that the man would leave us soon.

The man, to my horror, did not leave us soon. In fact they were talking for so long that my anxiety got the best of me and I had to eavesdrop from inside the door.

Luckily, they were talking loudly enough for me to hear them. Unluckily, it sounded as if they were arguing over something.

Yoongi's voice was deadly, something I never heard before, "you heard everything!"

"I know, I know," the officer spoke in a frustrated manner, "But what you're asking is against the law. I can even arrest you right now for keeping her for so long without any legal rights over her."

"Will you?" It wasn't even a question. Yoongi said it as if he knew the police won't do that.

"Yoongi," the man spoke softly, "I know you very well. I know what you've been through. I also know from how you're treating her that you truly care for her. I still ask you to give it a rational thought. She doesn't belong here."

"What do you mean by here?" Yoongi argues further, "she clearly loves this place."

"She might love the place. I only meant she doesn't belong with you. She deserves a family."

Yoongi looked him dead in the eye and said, "I'm not letting her go back to that monster, you hear me!"

At this point, I was really getting scared. I didn't know if it was because of the idea that I might have to go back to my stepfather or about the fact that Yoongi was so mad, which was really unlikely of him.

"I assure you. She's never going to see him again. We're gonna call the social service. They'll arrange a nice Foster home for her."

"Oh, shut up!" Yoongi retorted, "I know how those Foster systems work. She might never be adopted. Especially at this age."

"At least, she'll have a chance for a real family. This is only for her own good."

"I don't trust anyone."

"You know you're only saying that because you don't want to lose her, right?"

Something about this confrontation with the police made Yoongi go silent. He didn't reply. It neither looked like he's going to argue any longer.

After the brief moment of silence, it almost took my utmost willpower to stay put at my place and not run straight to them begging Yoongi to say something in my favor, the police finally spoke.

"I'll give you tonight to say a proper goodbye. But I'm coming back tomorrow, along with the social service. I hope you won't resist, then. Otherwise, you're gonna be in trouble, I tell you."

The man finally left without waiting for a reply.

"I heard everything." I said after waiting for a minute for Yoongi to settle in bed. When he looked like he wasn't going to say anything back, I proceeded further. "I'm sorry I made a scene at the shop. I know it's all my fault. Oppa, please, don’t stay mad at me."

Yoongi finally looked back at me and said, "rules are rules. I don't have any control over this situation. They're gonna be here tomorrow and you'll have to go."

"Oppa!" I yelled at him. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He was giving up on me. He wasn't fighting to keep me anymore.

On the verge of tears, I asked, "Are you punishing me for what I did earlier?"

"No!" Yoongi stood up from the bed and came towards me, "You know, I'll never punish you for anything."

"Then, why are you doing this to me?"

"It's for your own good, kitten. Out there, you can at least dream for a new home. A new family. Here, you have nothing to even dream about."

"But you are my home."

I took a step forward and rested my head on his chest. "You're the best thing that I can ever wish for. You are my only family."

Yoongi slowly shook his head. He pushed me away by holding me by the shoulders. He made me look into his eyes and spoke very politely.

"It wasn't me who saved you but the other way around. You showed me everything that my life was lacking. Thanks to you, I felt like I truly lived. No, kitten. I can't be so selfish to keep you in this boring life of mine and take advantage of you like that. You deserve a chance in life. Unlike mine, you have a whole future ahead of you."

I couldn't understand what was going on. How suddenly everything changed in Yoongi. How willingly he was pushing me away.

"But I don't want to go."

"You're too young to understand that."

As I opened my mouth to argue further, Yoongi shook his head to shut me up. He said, "please, kitten, I want you to do better than this. I'm tired. I'm going out for a drink. Sleep tight till tomorrow."

Then, he went out with a bottle of whisky in his hand. I wasn't allowed to leave my room when he drank out on the patio. So, like always, I stayed inside. I stayed and cried. I cried on my pillow throughout the night till sleep took over my messy mind.

The next morning, we didn't talk much. We were just busy packing my bag. At one point, Yoongi came up to me with his guitar and said, "Since you love it so much, I want you to keep it."

I didn't say that the reason I loved the guitar so much was because he played it. I loved the fact that he played the guitar for me whenever I asked him to.

I decided to leave behind the little fox plushie. So Yoongi could have something to look at whenever he thought of me.

When I saw the car approaching from far away, I felt like I would break down anytime and cry. Surprisingly that didn't happen.

I scratched behind Shelby's ear and gave her the last piece of treat. I hugged Yoongi for the last time too. After that, without a fight I climbed inside the car.

As we were driving away, I thought I would take a good look for the last time at the place I called my first home. The place looked hauntingly empty. I looked at the familiar window, the front patio, our jeep, trying to take in as much as I could. 

My eyes finally stopped at Yoongi. His head was bending towards his feet so that I couldn't make out his face. I noticed that his shoulders were shaking.

I didn't need to try. Tears automatically flowed through my cheeks. All this time I had been at my worst, Yoongi was always there beside me, offering the warmth that I just needed. And the one time of him being vulnerable, I couldn't be there beside him, offering the same warmth that he had given me.

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Noona! Please! Help! - Part 3

Fandom: BTS Characters: Younger Brothers BTS and Elder Sister Narrator Genre: A Little Dramatic and A Little Comedic Word Count: 1.1K Words Warning: Angsty (It’s me), mention of child abuse, self doubt, did I mention angst? Note: It’s a siblings AU story of BTS with the narrator as their elder sister. I tried to write something different from what I usually write about. I had fun making this. Hope it makes you feel good too. Happy Reading Everyone :)

Summary: Her little brothers can’t attend to a single task without her help. Be it a dance competition or asking out a girl for a date, they always seem to be finding everything too hard to go through without her by their side. ‘Our lucky charm’; that’s what they like to call her. But what if she turns out to be a misfortune in different situations in one single day?

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - More to come

Who Will Pay the Rent?

9:24 a.m. 1st September, 2015

“Just a few more minutes left.” Yoongi sighs heavily, “you could have easily saved the bother to come here, today.”

“What happened?” I ask, taking the empty seat beside him. “I thought you said that we’re winning today. What’s up with that long face?”

“It seemed like that at the first half.” Yoongi nods towards the field, “as you can see, the tables took a 180 degree turn.”

Honestly, I don’t understand a thing about basketball. It is better to just take Yoongi’s words as they are. I ask him the important question now, “how much do you owe them?”

Yoongi intentionally avoids eye contact and keeps looking at the match without a reply. I notice that he is sweating like crazy. I understand now that it is not just about the game.

“Don’t tell me you have to sell a kidney to pay them.” I jokingly say to which he doesn’t budge. I grow agitated. “Yoongi! C’mon, tell me what it is?”

He sighs and says, “It’s just worth my rent, that’s all.”

“Your rent?” I ask, “like for the month?”

Yoongi nods and stays silent. We both remain silent for the rest of the game. I wish I could offer to help him. It is most likely that he will not accept anything directly from me. I, on the other hand, am not in a place to help him either.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I quickly take a look at Jimin’s message saying he’s going inside the exam hall right now. I write a small “good luck” reply and put my phone back inside the pocket.

Yoongi starts to stand up from his seat, “Let’s get out of here! It’s not like anything can change in the last few minutes.”

I nod and follow him out of the stadium. He asks me if I want something to eat to which I shake my head.

“Noona!” Yoongi says, “Stop worrying about me. It’s not like I’m going bankrupt or something. It’s just some stupid amount of money, that’s all.”

“So,” I start hesitantly, “who will pay the rent?”

“I’ll manage that somehow, Noona. I always do.”

Yoongi’s the one among us who’s the most desperate to make a lot of money. That’s why he goes into these betting games and all. I once heard from Jin that he had found Yoongi starving himself because he lost all his money on some games and Jin had helped him that one time even though Yoongi refused to be helped. I don’t really approve of his ways but who am I to stop him? I did not raise him. I don’t even understand his ways of thinking.

I still feel like I should advise him to stop this nonsense and try something else. Something permanent. He is a genius and I know he will be able to figure something out if he wants. But I also feel like today is not the time to lecture him on life. Not when he’s already so stressed about it.

I decide to head to my next destination. I am not going to leave Yoongi in this state. So, I ask him, “If you don’t have to be anywhere, will you come with me?”

“I can manage some time. Where will you take me, Noona?”

“We’re going to meet Jimin.”

Jimin’s exam will be finished at around 11 a.m. So, Yoongi and I wait for him outside the hall where there seems to be a huge crowd of the guardians of the other students. I mentally pray that Jimin will be able to outsmart them on his test today.

“I never understand Jimin’s appeal for education.” Yoongi says.

“I think it’s the same one as yours.” I offer an explanation, “Come to think of it. At the end of the day you both want to win at life. By elevating your status. Either with education or with money.”

“You know what, Noona?”

“What?”

“I hate it so much that you’re always right!” There is a faint line of smile on his face as he says the last sentence.

“Yoongi” I suddenly feel an urge to talk to him seriously. Yoongi barely talks about his real issues.

“Noona?”

“I’m asking this because I’m really worried about you, okay?”

Yoongi frowns, “I think I know what you’re going to say. I’m sorry for making you feel that way. I really am. I’m sorry, Noona!”

“Oh no, dear!” I quickly add, “You don’t have to apologize. I understand that you’re going through tough times.”

“Noona!” Yoongi looks at a distance as he speaks, “Do you remember ma’s face? Like, not the one as we see in her pictures. The face of her when she was sick. That face she had before she could finally rest after years of pain she went through.”

I don’t know why Yoongi is suddenly bringing this topic. Is he really missing ma all of a sudden or just trying to change the topic? Yoongi glances at me for a second and I can see his eyes glistening.

“If only I had the money, I would have taken a bus from school to come to see you.” Yoongi sniffs, “he wouldn’t let me go no matter how much I begged him to. Said it was a ‘waste of good money seeing some sick people’. I don’t think I can ever move on from the fact that I never saw ma and pa again after I left that house.”

“Yoongi!” I can barely make myself audible.

Yoongi never talked about the times he spent with our uncle who took him in when ma fell sick. Yoongi was only four at that time and he was the only one who never came to visit us occasionally during the five years when ma and pa were still alive. When I used to ask pa about it, he would always say that Yoongi was too busy with his school. I only got to see him first at their funeral. Only after Yoongi left uncle’s place for good when he was finally eighteen, we started meeting almost regularly.

“I’m sorry, Noona, I turned up this way.” Yoongi looks at me, his eyes bloodshot, “I didn’t really have an opportunity to be any better than this. Of course, I won’t use this as an excuse. I’m all grown up now and I’m trying to be more responsible. I swear, Noona, you will be proud of me like all the rest of our brothers one day. I will make that happen.”

“But I am proud of you!” I say, “I am proud of how strong you are. I am proud that after all those shits you went through, you still grew up to be such a kind and sweet soul.”

“Thank you, Noona! But you don’t really have to cheer me up.” Yoongi shrugs his shoulders, “I know me.”

“And I know you too.” I slowly move towards him and pull him into a hug, “I see you, Yoongi. I see you!” I slowly pat him on his back as I can sense him fighting the urge to hug me back.

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Singularity

Fandom: BTS

Pairing: Namjoon × Reader

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“Shit!” I huffed out as I had to climb the stairs up to the third floor and my poor lungs wouldn’t want to cooperate as always, “I forgot my water bottle at home again.”

“You can have mine, no problem!” a boy handed me his half filled plastic bottle.

I usually follow one rule while drinking water from other people’s bottles. I ask them if they touch their lips to the bottles opening while drinking and usually refuse to drink from the same bottle if they do.

That day, however, I didn’t have the mind to do that as I straight up uncapped the bottle to finish the whole thing in one go. When I looked up to say ‘thanks’ and ‘sorry’, he was already gone. As it was almost time for the next class, I supposed he hurried to get to his. I remembered the boy’s name to be Namjoon.

Namjoon was a boy I would often see in between classes. Sometimes we would nod, ask when the next class was or simply smile at each other. And then, we’d go our separate ways. I knew him just like that. I didn’t remember ever having a full conversation with him.

I didn’t see him again after that day. But I heard some rumors about him around the campus not long after. He was accused of saying something that sparked controversy. Since I didn’t know him in person I never expressed my opinion on the matter. But I had a lingering wish to meet him again, to return his empty plastic bottle that I still carry in my bag.

That wish came true when I finally saw him again.

He was having lunch at an empty table at the corner of the cafeteria. There was no one around so I walked up to him right away.

“I’m so sorry I could not return your bottle that day!” I had told him.

“What bottle?” He looked at me with genuine confusion.

I took out the said bottle from my bag to put on the table. Namjoon let out a chuckle at its sight. “You wanted to return this?”

“I know, it might not be a huge deal to you. But I literally can’t sleep in peace until I return what I borrow from someone else. Be it a pen or book or whatever.” I explained myself clearly to which Namjoon nodded and took the empty bottle off the table.

“I’ll take it back then.” He said, “Hope it gives you some peace.”

He shook his head slightly and laughed. For some reason, I felt overwhelmed seeing him laugh like that. His eyes completely vanished behind the wrinkles as he laughed. He looked so unreal. I couldn’t make up my mind why I was feeling that way at such a small act of someone I barely knew. But I had a feeling that it was a moment I would never witness again. I felt the need to capture it in a picture so that I could look at it whenever I wanted to.

However, I didn't take his picture that day. Instead I stood there for a while, enjoying the moment as it was. He didn’t invite me to sit next to him. I wished he did.

The next time I heard about Namjoon was from a group of friends talking about college in general. I wasn't minding their gossip until I heard them speak about him.

"Good grades aren't everything, you see!" One of them said, "you need to have a better character to not be kicked out of school like that."

I was shocked to find what happened to Namjoon regarding those rumors. As much as I wanted to interrupt their conversation, I couldn't bring myself to do so. Yet my heart couldn't believe a word of the dirty talks I heard around. Even though I wasn't a friend of his, neither was I an acquaintance, in my heart, I still pictured him as the smiling boy who had helped me at the time I needed it.

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Note: Inspired by a dream...

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