An Older Gentleman Came Into The Nature Center And Asked Me A Bunch Of Questions About Tarantulas. Then

An older gentleman came into the nature center and asked me a bunch of questions about tarantulas. Then he pulled out his phone and showed me a picture.

“My son is a DNR officer in Arizona,” he said. “He found this tarantula with a tail in his house. Do you know what species it is?”

I looked at the photo, but from six feet away it was difficult to understand what I was seeing. I had him send it to the official park email so that I could take another look at it. Here is my reply:

Upon closer examination, it appears that this is not a tarantula at all. I was happily able to identify it as Manumala noxhydria during the parasitic secondary stage of its lifecycle. It was probably wandering into your son’s house in search of a suitable host. Use caution when approaching. They are considered an invasive species in all parts of the world and are capable of spraying a paralytic chemical into the face of predators and potential hosts. Careful destruction is recommended. For more information regarding pest control, contact species expert Ellen Ripley.

Rah Rah Rasputin Mother of the Guillotine

I heard his dick was twelve inches long

rah rah rasputin something something sour cream

The rest of the month’s content is much more entertaining, I promise.

Pfft, you don’t have the text and rulings of every single card committed to memory? Filthy Casual 😒 smh

Its time to d-d-d-d-duel!

Adobe Tells Users They Can Get Sued for Using Old Versions of Photoshop

"You are no longer licensed to use the software," Adobe told them.

In other news, it is now not only morally acceptable but the morally correct thing to do to pirate the fuck out of Adobe’s software line.

after dying god informs you that hell is a myth, and “everyone sins, its ok”. instead the dead are sorted into six “houses of heaven” based on the sins they chose.