Criminal Minds Headcanons

✨criminal minds headcanons✨

just thought i’d just put these out there

disclaimer: these are all 100% facts, not opinions. if you disagree ur wrong❤️

will and emily got really close and bonded over jj. As much as i love jemily if will didn’t exist but since he does, emily definitely gave him the dad talk. probably intimidated him a lot. “if you hurt her i’ll turn ur balls into meatballs” type deal. but now they’re sort of step siblings.

rossi tried to host his own cooking show but he kept yelling at the producers so it got canceled. rossi had one of the show tapes in his house and the team found it. they never let him live it down.

hotch volunteers at the animal shelter w jack and everyone who works there ADORES them.

reid has an affinity for red bull. we’ve already established he a. doesn’t sleep, b. needs a lot of sugar in his coffee so he’s definitely had an energy drink addiction. he’s also tried to mix coffee and red bull together when he was particularly desperate. he basically poisoned himself and got sick for a week.

garcia will hack into the team members phones just to leave cute lil messages in their notes or reminders. (“5:41 reminder: reid ur perfect in every way”)

hotch picks team members purely based on how bad at emotions they are.

rossi definitely got married drunk in vegas.

one time hotch and jj started panicking cause they couldn’t find jack or henry. five minutes later they get a text from spencer and emily of a picture with them and their kids at disney land.

sometimes the team (minus rossi) will call hotch aaron just to fuck with him and then deny they ever called him aaron. the rest of the team in on it will back them up. (“ok thanks aaron” “what did you just call me?” “i didn’t call you anything. u ok? ur hearing things hotch”)

morgan is a cat person. everyone on the team assumes he’s a dog person, but he loves cats. he’s allergic to dogs.

elle will text or call every so often to let the team know she’s alright.

garcia platonically cuddles whoever had the toughest time on a case whenever she’s on the jet.

emily is really good with knives. especially throwing knives.

there has been a rubber band war in the office. they got a very disappointed lecture from hotch after. but reid swears he saw hotch fling one. hotch neither confirms nor denies.

rossi was this close to becoming a crazy cat lady

reid doesn’t know how to swim.

derek and emily sometimes text eachother pictures of trashcans with the caption “you”

sometimes when morgan wants reid to shut up he’ll just pick him up and throw him over his shoulder.

feel free to add onto any of these