Incorrect Criminal Minds Quotes - Tumblr Posts

What was season 2 💀💀💀

Reid: I just did a line of coke and punched myself in the face in the bathroom

Gideon:

Gideon: cool

Gideon: anyway, how’s the geological profile going

this is so mean..

Reid : I’ve started seeing someone.

Derek : Dating or Hallucinations?

Reid : ……….

Derek : (Concerned)... pretty boy?…

Reid: *gets a new haircut*

Morgan: I like ya cut g

Reid: *aggressively slapped in the back of the head*

*As the team is heading out to chase down an unsub*

Penelope: Don’t die

Spencer: You can’t tell me what to do

Reid: “The doctor said to tell you all if I start experiencing symptoms due to sleep deprivation. I don’t know why, though. There’s not much a bunch of floating pineapples can do.”

Hotch:

Garcia:

Morgan:

Emily:

JJ:

Rossi, grabbing his keys: “Guess who just won his fourth doctor’s visit for the month”

Person 1: Its been a rough week

Person 2: It's Monday

hotch: someone will die–

derek: dammit emily!

emily: ??

hotch: morgan, i was talking about the next victim if we don’t catch the unsub on time.

derek: sorry, i hear “die” and i immediately go to emily

emily under her breath: it was one time…

jj: i’m sorry i lied to you about emily’s death but i had to, you gotta understand-

reid: i can’t hear you over the sound of the ✨dilaudid✨ i could’ve been doing🤪

reid at 3am, staring at the ceiling: liquid is the most logical phase of matter

hotch: please stop

emily: do you like me

jj: we’re dating

emily: but i feel like you’re just being nice

✨criminal minds headcanons✨

just thought i’d just put these out there

disclaimer: these are all 100% facts, not opinions. if you disagree ur wrong❤️

will and emily got really close and bonded over jj. As much as i love jemily if will didn’t exist but since he does, emily definitely gave him the dad talk. probably intimidated him a lot. “if you hurt her i’ll turn ur balls into meatballs” type deal. but now they’re sort of step siblings.

rossi tried to host his own cooking show but he kept yelling at the producers so it got canceled. rossi had one of the show tapes in his house and the team found it. they never let him live it down.

hotch volunteers at the animal shelter w jack and everyone who works there ADORES them.

reid has an affinity for red bull. we’ve already established he a. doesn’t sleep, b. needs a lot of sugar in his coffee so he’s definitely had an energy drink addiction. he’s also tried to mix coffee and red bull together when he was particularly desperate. he basically poisoned himself and got sick for a week.

garcia will hack into the team members phones just to leave cute lil messages in their notes or reminders. (“5:41 reminder: reid ur perfect in every way”)

hotch picks team members purely based on how bad at emotions they are.

rossi definitely got married drunk in vegas.

one time hotch and jj started panicking cause they couldn’t find jack or henry. five minutes later they get a text from spencer and emily of a picture with them and their kids at disney land.

sometimes the team (minus rossi) will call hotch aaron just to fuck with him and then deny they ever called him aaron. the rest of the team in on it will back them up. (“ok thanks aaron” “what did you just call me?” “i didn’t call you anything. u ok? ur hearing things hotch”)

morgan is a cat person. everyone on the team assumes he’s a dog person, but he loves cats. he’s allergic to dogs.

elle will text or call every so often to let the team know she’s alright.

garcia platonically cuddles whoever had the toughest time on a case whenever she’s on the jet.

emily is really good with knives. especially throwing knives.

there has been a rubber band war in the office. they got a very disappointed lecture from hotch after. but reid swears he saw hotch fling one. hotch neither confirms nor denies.

rossi was this close to becoming a crazy cat lady

reid doesn’t know how to swim.

derek and emily sometimes text eachother pictures of trashcans with the caption “you”

sometimes when morgan wants reid to shut up he’ll just pick him up and throw him over his shoulder.

feel free to add onto any of these

Spencer: fist me

Derek: I- what why-

Spencer: *holds out his hand for a fist bump*

Derek: right- that’s what you meant, Jesus fucking Christ

Emily: you're such a pussy Morgan: I am what I eat. Emily: *spits her tea*

Emily, holding a deck of cards: Hey guys, you want a tarot reading?

Hotch: Those are Pokémon cards

Emily, holding a card: You got a Bidoof, it means fuck you

Hotch: Emily... why did you draw a pentagram on the floor?

Emily: You told me to satanize the house before you returned.

Hotch: Hotch: Emily, I said sanitize.

Penelope: Being cute is really hard because even when you’re angry, people just kinda giggle at you and say “aw you’re so cute when you’re angry” like, no. Stop.

Recognize my power.

Criminal minds: A Snapchat Compilation

Part One: Hotchniss: A Snapchat Compilation

"If you say sksksks one more time, i'll break your spine and give you sksksks-scoliosis"

David Rossi, to Emily and Reid, after they have been saying that all week long. 

Rossi: When I was married, you know what my wife often said to me?

Emily: Please stop sleeping with other people?