Request Update!

Request Update!

Hey all! I just wanted to let you know where I am with requests right now. No, I am not ignoring any requests and I will get them done! I have been busy with life so haven't been able to get to my asks as much as I'd like so that's why things are a tad slow.

I am prioritizing the Valentine's Event Asks first! There are about 4 I believe!

Once I am done with those I'm back to finishing up my other asks, and even some drafts no one has requested yet!

So don't worry and hang tight! I will get to your asks! Being a person who loves to read and request fanfiction I know waiting for your ask to go through can be annoying, so I try to make it a point to finish them as quickly as I can!

HxH Random Thought/Headcanon Time

TRIGGER WARNING: Mentions of dissociating, torture (I'm talking the freaky renaissance torture stuff) abuse, and trauma

I wanted to talk a little about the fight between Gon and Hanzo. It's really intriguing to me because of how different Hanzo acts during the match, compared to his usual self.

I've gathered that he definitely didn't enjoy any of it and really tried to go easy on Gon. He looked extremely uncomfortable after breaking Gon's arm. And even though Hanzo is a master of torture, he really went easy on him. Throughout the whole match, Gon was beaten up pretty badly by Hanzo and of course, had his arm broken. But every time Hanzo would punch or kick Gon, he would only do it once and pause before punching or kicking him again. He gave him chance and chance again to give up.

And even when he tried reasoning with Gon, it was never demeaning or insulting. It was reasoning. And when he tried to reason with him again when he was doing the handstand thing, what he told him was, "At this point in time, you have no hope of defeating me." He said, "At this point in time." Not "Never," or anything the like. He could very well have caused Gon to need amputation of his arm or legs if he wanted by breaking his bones badly enough in several places so that they would be past repair. But he never did. In fact, when he did break Gon's arm it was a "clean break," and "easily set." Satotz even told Gon that his arm would be even stronger once it healed.

But something I noticed and have been thinking about is that maybe Hanzo was trying to dissociate during the match. When Gon and Hanzo first enter the match and are just walking to the center of the room, we see Gon looking at Hanzo and keeping an eye on his opponent. But when we look at Hanzo, we get a clear shot of him staring off at nothing. He looks like he's zoning out.

Now, I doubt that if he was dissociated that it was during the whole match if at all. Some sources have said that people are unable to talk while dissociated while others have claimed they are able to. But I think he would likely have been doing this out of habit and as a trauma response. And it would make total sense for him to do this. He is literally a ninja. I know it gets brushed off as "Oh haha, the weird ninja guy, is he from Naruto or something?"

But we actually see a glimpse of what Hanzo's training is like and it's brutal.

In the first image, it shows him and others being hung upside down by their feet. It isn't as if they're wearing a harness and just pull themselves back up when they want, their legs are literally bound together with rope or bandage and they're just hanging there. Have you ever tried hanging upside down on the monkey bars as a kid? You know how after a while it's painful and you get dizzy? They likely had to stay like this for a while.

The next image we were shown freaked me out a bit more. While not as extreme, this is very similar to "Quartering." An execution method in which the victim had each limb tied and attached to a horse and then they would have the horse go in opposite directions, ripping them apart. They are doing the same thing to him but with more ropes and people instead of horses. And they did this to him from a very young age. In all of these images (not just the two above), he always portrays the other people as taller or bigger and him being smaller. These are events that happened when he was very young. He claims to have been training from the day he was born (probably impossible) but to him, this might actually be accurate.

He had killed someone by the age of 12. It doesn't seem like a big deal because also in HxH is Killua a 12-year-old ex-assassin. But seriously. Could you imagine being made to do that before you were even 12? That is horrifying, not to mention any other traumas he may have experienced, and from what he shows us, they were awful. But this is where it makes sense that he thinks he's been training from the day he was born. Obviously, training is all he's been doing his whole life, I believe that but he was traumatized, there is no debate, there is no way he could have gone through all that without trauma.

When people are traumatized one of the responses is dissociation. It can be voluntary but also involuntary. With dissociating the person forgets everything that happened. It can protect the person from remembering a traumatic event. It really isn't a stretch to say he likely dissociates intentionally when he does things like torturing. He obviously has some coping methods (be them healthy or not) for when he's in those situations. When explaining why he didn't straight-up torture Gon he says, "I expect when I torture someone, my victim will despise me for the rest of their life. It's more effective and less stressful."

Having to torture someone who doesn't hate him is stressful and he literally admits it himself. He likely wanted to dissociate from the fight because it gave him a lot of emotional distress, but Gon just wouldn't hate him no matter what, hence why maybe he wasn't able to dissociate and became more and more agitated and escalated to threatening dismemberment of his legs. It's not like it was a short escalation, this was over 3 hours of him having to beat up Gon, something causing him a lot of distress, be judged and berated by the people watching who he had wanted to bond with some of them, adding humiliation to the mix, he is unable to dissociate and cope, Gon manages to kick him while his guard is down and cause him more humiliation and now physical pain, and the cherry on top is Hanzo's own impossibly high standards.

We've seen more than once during the exam that Hanzo has very high standards for himself, feeling defeated and like a failure when having to get more badges than he bargained for, and becoming angry with himself for coming in third place at trick tower.

It's really no wonder that he threatened to cut off Gon's legs and had a bit of a tantrum before threatening to just kill him. But keep in mind he never actually did it. And I don't think he actually intended to. I think he wanted to try and scare Gon into finally surrendering, and when Gon brought him back to reality with the reasoning of him being disqualified if he cut his legs off, he became frustrated and overwhelmed. He can't even speak for that moment and doesn't know what to say.

That's why he then threatens to kill Gon as a final attempt to make him back down. But he actually gives it away that he didn't intend to kill Gon at all. When He tries to reason once more and Gon explains that he needs to see his dad and that it's his only chance, Hanzo says, "So, logic had nothing to do with it," to himself. He thought Gon was playing mind games with him too, even more reason that he would become emotionally distressed so easily. But he was threatening Gon with killing him because he thought that it would break through any mind games he was playing and end the match.

But in realizing, it wasn't the case he finally gave up. That's why I just can't see Hanzo as a bad person.

I don't know a ton about dissociation, as I don't experience it and I am not a psychologist. I have done a lot of research on DID, but not dissociation on its own, so I would absolutely love to hear from anyone who experiences it or knows more about it if you want to add more and correct me on something. I tried not to mention anything about dissociation that I didn't fact-check from multiple sources.

Could you do some headcanons of Meleoron and his S/O going to a convention together.

Oooh I love this!

-Meleoron loves conventions, I've mentioned this before in another headcanon

-He feels insecure about his body being a chimera ant now and feels like he scares people

-But when he's at a con he fits right in. Everyone is dressed up as different characters, some very scary. So he doesn't have to worry at all about feeling out of place

-That and people often go up to him to complement his "cosplay"

-He would be absolutely thrilled to go to a convention with you

-Especially if you're really into cosplay

-He probably won't cosplay, but he's happy to help you with your cosplay

-He goes to as many conventions with you as he can, it's the one time you two can have sort of a date without him worrying about being seen as a monster

-He's a lot more confident at conventions, and a little more extroverted because of it.

-Definitely knows some of the people that have panels etc.

-But when he gets socially drained you two go to a quieter area just outside for a while to recollect.

-And probably so he can smoke

-He really loves when people at cons ask about his tail and how he made it so animated and life-like. He'll just tell them it's a secret.

-He loves the praise he gets from the other cosplayers, it really boosts his self-esteem, he always leaves feeling really happy

-But when he's with you, he'll bring more attention to whatever cosplay you've made.

-If there's a long line for something he might use "God's Accomplice" to get the two of you in without waiting forever.

-If you're new to cons he's really excited to show you around.

-You're both on the lookout for cool merch

-You two basically spend as much time as possible at the con, no matter how many days it is

-Afterwards you're both very tired, especially socially, so when you get home you both just cuddle and go to sleep

HxH Random Headcanon Time

I think the reason Hanzo is so talkative and goes on and on is because of how he was raised. His whole life he went through insane training to get to where he is today. I doubt he was allowed to be so friendly and chatty with his peers. That and he probably never felt comfortable/safe around them, again because of the training.

So, when he left to get his hunter's license and there's finally all these new people, he finally feels like he can be social. He goes on and on 1 because he's an extroverted guy, and 2 because he never got to be chatty. So, he doesn't know when his talking gets to be too much.

Hi! How are you? Hope your doing well💗 :)

Hello! I'm doing pretty good, have a lot of work I'm doing but otherwise am well! Hope you're doing good too!

Hey I just wanted to tell you I love your work and it always makes my day to see it💗💖💕

Aww, thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoy it!