Dissociation - Tumblr Posts
Dissociative Identity Disorder/ Other Specified Dissociative Disorder
In October of 2022 watching Moon Knight because Cinema Therapy did a video about it saw a bit and was like well I have Disney plush and its Oscar Isaac, (Poe) so let’s watch it. Little did I know our life will change after that. I Alice don’t remember watching Moon Knight the first time or watching The Making of before watching the Series. The only think I Alice remember is episode 2 but it’s a 3rd person prospective. I remember right before and after watching the series and for 2 weeks having non stop panic attacks and not know why. Some of the thoughts I do remember like, “this happens to me all the time”, “Other people experience this” “I don’t have DID because I don’t have Amnesia but other than that it’s all relatable” “This is how I experience being Trans or having an OCD voice” (being Trans is real what I’m referring is the body looking like someone else and me thinking that’s what it meant to be Trans, only time feeling Dysphoria) and searching “Is it possible to have DID and no Amnesia” “Is it possible to be Autistic and have DID” “How Steven and Marc interacts with each other, well that’s too relatable” “Have to show this to my mom because I can finally explain what I experience” watching DID channels to look more into it and every video, every article, every post. The more and more I read, the more and more was like umm “So all those weird things that happens, and I don’t tell anyone even my therapist at that time because If I say it out loud what’s happing they will think I’m weird and the fact that we brushed it off all as having Autism, other people experience theses, what?” but still being like “I don’t have this because I don’t have Amnesia” (Later in November finding out OSDD-1b and still being like nah TW: my trauma isn’t that bad, now knowing more about it and being like that happened what ohh:) and in October started to look like Steven Grant and me being like “Well this is normal, It’s the phase where I look like someone else”, (because this happens with different people) it happened in July of 2022 with Neal Caffrey from White Collar, felt like was about to happen but didn’t (Now we understand that Steven is either was a Fragment that turned into an Alter as he was figuring out his identity or he was an Alter but didn’t really identify with a particular look yet and was trying figure himself out, because this reminds me especially of high school, well I couldn’t control what I was saying when getting excited (but now with a British Dialect, which I Alice can not control, or feeling things for guys but at the same time not since young) and it happened with Isaac Kalder in high school and he was the first Alter that I Alice was able to see and similar things happens with him, rewatching The Devil Inside and My Virtual Escape from McJuggerNuggets on YouTube later after knowing DID/OSDD being like “Oh my, did not realize, how much Isaac was Passive Influencing us” Literally how he talked, walked, songs that he listened to how he handled his depression or when someone triggered him. In 2019 I Alice feel bad about this now, threw all of the clothes that he bought (except one), stopped listening to songs that he liked, stoped watching TDI and MVE (even though gave us comfort) because was like every time I look like him. I’m sad, I feel dysphoric, I want to look like him, to the point I Alice was forgetting what the body looked like and forgot the body’s biological gender or forget that Alice is a thing, depression, which caused him to go dormant until 2021 where I started to hear him from the inside but with his voice) (Sorry🙁). and also TDI is like an accidental representation of DID because I remember now rewatching (the first time I Alice do not have those memories just remember right before and after, when TDI was out but not MVE, just like Steven absorbed those feelings) TDI when the split happened because a lot of stressful thing happened at that time, being like well I can relate to Jesse because he switches with his characters that he has from his childhood and can’t control what’s happening.
And in December still not think I have OSDD-1b but thinking maybe I’m just really autistic so I don’t understand my emotions at all, “Is there any similarities between TDI/MVE and Moon Knight” and the amount of things that are similar was like “wtf”, and later rewatching Moon Knight and getting told why they related to Moon Knight other than the DID symptoms and well yeah. The amount of things in Moon Knight that tides into our childhood is actually astounding especially Steven, which make sense, when watching a movies, series your brain lights up the same way as if it were happening, (TW: my leading theory before I knew this was a thing was, the stuff that happened when younger that’s how we reacted, felt and those same brain frequencies were getting turned on:)
Difference and similarities
btw there are other Alters just talking about Isaac and Steven and well Alice/Ashla.
Isaac Kalder
Similarity: Identifies like 90% with his source
Difference: His age is 19 and the source he’s 18, I think it’s because I Alice always wanted an older brother and now the body is 19 so he’s like a month older, I always saw him as an older brother even before knowing about the System)
Steven
Similarity: Identifies with the look, name, dialect, how he carries himself, body cadence, just more romantic (finding these thing along the way being like why do you do that, I guess that’s a different thing from your source that’s cool and rewatching it being like oh that’s where that quality cam from)
Difference: He’s more like Episode 5 when Steven (MCU) is comforting Marc and now he’s more confident in himself, basically after Season 1. It’s like instead of (TW warning: the trauma that happened to Marc, Steven and Jake it’s replaced with what happened to us. also he’s a Subsystem (For us an Alter in a Alter) mostly because of flashback that happened fair recently and yeah, all those flashback kind of went to Steven and he kind of split with Llewyn Davis from Inside Llewelyn Davis, that was confusing when it was happening, now Steven is more bi they kind of passive influence each other sometimes but when triggered Steven kind of goes inside and Llewyn kind of comes out. DEPRESSION, Steven and Llewyn are kinda figure things with Isaac where if Llewyn feels more the same way which when the split happened Llewyn did absorb the liking guys thing more:) (our Steven is more Romantic I guess the feeling of love)
Alice/Ashla (Biological Female but doesn’t really identify with that mostly so I guess I’m Non-Binary, still figure things out, I do like woman though no question about that)
Love Star Wars and Moon Knight and Disney and McJuggerNuggets content. It’s rare for me to feel like Alice but when I do it feels weird, higher voice etc so kind of go by Ashla just like that name mostly because it’s a SW thing.
It make sense that we have a lot of fictives, Autism and because of it have hard time connecting with people and understand peoples actions and only able to relate, and understand fictional characters, or since younger only having emotional comfort from fictional characters, and love everything about film from filming it, acting, voice acting editing, sound design and want to do those things we want to do, we all like different aspects of the Film process
Consent forms:
Alice/Ashla: I agree to publish this
Steven/Llewyn: Yeah sure. We agree to this s***
Isaac: Okay
Looking for more other Systems to talk to😊
Some things about Us💙 The body is turning 20 in November 2023 so preferably also other adult body System🧡 It’s also almost 1 year anniversary of knowing that I’m part of a System. 11/29/2022
Most of us already excited but later identified with a body so Semi-Fictive💚
TW:(:Dissociation:Finding about being a System:Denial:Interject Trauma) I remember before knowing about OSDD-1b especially Fictional Interject, I just though I was acting you know, I keep looking like this particular character and keep getting his memories of where he comes from or I act like him or why is that randomly when I watch different series I randomly look like them I guess it is a phase?
Actually the reason I found about DID (I kinda knew about it a little bit) or OSDD-1b is because I watched Moon Knight in October of 2022 (Actually I Alice don’t really remember anything from watching the first time, that typically does happen mostly with another Alters Core memory goes for Fictional Interject or Otherwise.) But I do remember the though process though being like Ummmmmm this is what happens to me all the time, my OCD my trans stuff, it’s just I don’t have amnesia like I remember doing it but don’t feel connect and don’t know why I did it. That made me want to learn more about DID so started watching DID YouTubers and reading articles and every video I watched was like wait a second the weird thing that always happens to me that I can’t explain and I though I only experience theses people also experience but was like I don’t have amnesia so kept searching is it possible to have DID without amnesia and later was watching The CTAD Clinic and found about OSDD-1b but still was in denial for a while, and if I’m being honest I sometimes still get really strong denial even though me knowing OSDD-1b has not changed any of my symptoms just made it more possible to understand it easier.
With Us if there is any Interject that also has there trauma it usually mirrors what we went through in a way. It’s like our mind is trying to process what happened through their source memories.
Current song that keeps playing inside
Also have a YouTube Channel. If anyone wants to collab lets do it.
Started this Tumblr💖 7/6/2023
1/18/2024
Hello 👋 | We Love New Friends😊
Simply Plural is Ashla-Interweb-bois | Pexels has free to use photos. Some uses these 😊
We are a OSDD-1b now leaning towards more DID System because of discovery but still not sure🧡 Discovered on 11/29/2022
The Ashla System🧡 aka Interweb bois🌙 -🖤🌙
Not diagnosed Professionally📝
Majority of Us are Christians and God and Jesus Makes Us Happy☺️ and is 1 of Our Main Coping Mechanism other @mental-health-and-jesus ✝️ 1/17/2024
☺️Personal Blogs
And a new blog @co-conscious-culture ⭐️3/14/2024
Hope You Have Fun wiTh Me @steven-granty-boi 💚01/19/2024 :)
Hang out with yours truly @jake-in-the-know 💜5/06/2024🌹
Orange Cat & Guitar in hand @llewyn-with-a-cat 🩵6/01/2024🎸
A Bookmark 🔖 in Moi Hand @levy-with-a-book 🩶6/08/2024 ^_^
Apps That Help Us🧡
•Simply Plural 🏹 •Pexels 🖼️ for Non Copyright Photos •GIF Maker🤳🏻 •Pinterest ✂️ •YouTube ❤️ for the Playlist •Alarm Clock ⏰ •Spotify 🎶 •Notes 📝 •Google Slide ✍🏻
Our Hyperfixations are :)
Star Wars💫 especially Rebels⚡️
Moon Knight🌙 of Course (How We Discovered Being Plural✨)
Ultimate Spider-Man🕷️ (2012-2016)
Sherlock Holmes 🔎🎻 (reading The Complete Sherlock Holmes)
Wonka 🍫 & the Soundtrack🎶
The Chosen✝️
Disney🏰 and Pixar🖼️ especially Monsters, INC. franchise🧢
Night at The Museum🌕
Brooklyn Nine-Nine🕵️
What We Love to Do🫶 Our Interest🎶
Playing the Guitar🎸 and Singing🎼
Everything about the Filming Process🎥 Voice Acting🎙️ Psychology🧠 Writing✍🏻
American Revolutionary Era🇺🇸
Bible Era
Egyptian Mythology
Songs🎧
Taylor Swift | Disney | Old Songs | Musiclas | Orchestra | Religious
Our Playlist Mix 💿
1st Taylor Songs Thus Far 2nd Jesus Music 3rd Source Music Isaac🖤☺️
YouTubers❤️ We Watch
•McJuggerNuggets •stampylonghead •PopularMMOs •JStuStudios •Watcher •Taskmaster •Kendall Rae •BOZE vs. the WORLD •Patty Mayo •Matt Rose •Scott Cramer •Pente Patrol Star Wars •Dry Bar Comedy •The Chosen •Heart Dive with Kaneo Gibson •Saturday Night Live •Karen Puzzles •So Uncivilized •And DID/OSDD Content Creators🎥
System Members Who Are Comfortable Saying Who They Are✨
Our YouTube❤️ Channels🎬
Description Semi-Fictional Interject are Parts at the Beginning didn’t Identify with any look and or a Fragment that turned into an Alter by adopting a body :)
💫🌙
Body’s Info
Age: 20 in 2023
Birthday: 11/22
Race: Half Japanese🇯🇵 & American🇺🇸
Language: English🇺🇸 & Japanese🇯🇵
Most of Us identify with being Japanese and American🇯🇵🇺🇸🇬🇧
Religion: Christianity
Gender: Non Binary Presenting
Pronouns: Mostly They because Co-Con a Lot
Sexuality: Gynesexual for Outside Folks
💫🌙
Alice🩷 Identifying with Body
💫🌙
Ashla🧡 Collective Name
Host/Adult
Doesn’t feel Emotionally Attached aka The Face
💫🌙
Isaac🖤
Fictional Interject/Adult
Fictive: My Virtual Escape/ The Devil Inside S1
Age: 20 in 2023
Birthday 10/29
• Edgy Humor •Punk Rock •Kinda with Steven💚 & Llewyn🩵 & Levy🩶 | 8/01/2024 Dating💝
💫🌙
Steven💚
Co-Host/Subsystem/Semi-Fictional Interject/Adult
Fictive: Moon Knight
Age: Late 20s
Subsystem with Llewyn🩵 and Levy🩶 and Co-Host also with Levy🩶 •Watches over Marc 💙
•Makes Us Laugh •Old Cozy Songs •Kinda with Isaac🖤 8/01/2024 Dating💝 (The Relationship in the Marvel TV Series Universe of Steven, Marc and Jake are really different in Our System💫 It’s more separate and it’s more after Season 1)
💫🌙
Levy🩶
Co-Host/Subsystem/Semi-Fictional Interject/Adult
Fictive: Scenes from a Marriage (Haven’t actually watched all of it sooo)
Age: Late 30s
•Sophisticated •Taylor Swift •Has a Daughter in System •With Alicia🍯 taking care of Littles🌸 / Co-Parent
💫🌙
Llewyn🩵
Subsystem/Fictional Interject/Adult
Fictive: Inside Llewyn Davis (Doesn’t identify with from his source but the covers the Littles love 🍊)
Age: 20s? 30s?
•Lyrical •Kinda with Isaac🖤
💫🌙
Marc💙 (Woffie❄️ might have fused with Marc? Still figuring things out) | /Marcy🌨️
Semi-Fictional Interject/Adult
Fictive: Moon Knight
Age: Late 20s Early 30s
💫🌙
Alice💖
Identifies with the Body but younger than the body.
💫🌙
Woffie❄️ (might have fused with Marc? Still figuring things out)
Non-Human
Wolf
Age: Age Slider not sure exactly but it’s a pretty wide
• Loves Snow •Mountain’s with Snow (pretty much Snow haha)
💫🌙
Lucy🌺
Age: 17
•Daughter of Levy🩶 •Can’t really interact with Levy🩶 •Book lover
💫🌙
Jake💜
Semi-Fictional Interject/Non-Human/Adult
Fictive: Moon Knight
Age: Late 30s
💫🌙
Alicia🍯
Age: 30s
•With Levy🩶 taking care of Littles🌸 / Co-Parent
"Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, for to this you were called as members of one body. And be thankful." COLOSSIANS 3:15✝️
“That there should be no schism in the body; by that the members should have the same care one for another. And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now ye are the body of Christ, and members in particular.” 1 Corinthians 12:25-27✝️
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. For if one falls down, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to help him up! Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one keep warm alone? And though one may be overpowered, two can resist. Moreover, a cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12✝️ [5/07/2024]
⬇️ It’s kinda weird that We created this Spotify Playlist before Knowing that We’re a System💫🌙 now of course adding way more to it
Top made by @sysboxes and bottoms Hehe made by @zero-templates
Like every System Parts there’s always a reason, for their looks, names, ages, gender, se*uality it’s never random and connected to the body’s story thus far but for Us it’s probably because getting vulnerable just like in Moon Knight it represents having siblings, twins because for me my mom had a few miscarriage before and after me and one of them was my twin 🥹 so that’s probably why and also Oscar Isaac talks about in Saturday Night Live “They all deal with pain loss and confusion” 🧡
Video That Help Us🧡
List Of Dissociative Identity Disorder & Otherwise Dissociative Disorder -1 & Post Traumatic Disorder | DID , OSDD-1 , PTSD
Photo from Pexeles App - Artist Lisa Fotios
Question for other Systems :)
I’m not sure if this is just Us but when We do relaxing things like read a book, nature videos, fidget toys. We tend to, most of the time, even dissociate more.
Like it helps Us come out of Hyperarousal easily but then it kinda goes the opposite faster I guess to Hypoarousal
What to Learn more about Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) Other Specified Dissociative Disorder (OSDD) Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Check Out The Playlist That We Made and adding more.
5/12/2024
7/19/2024 Recently we’ve been trying to make a Inner world meeting room it’s getting there but have to do it constantly to make an affect.
Hello! Hope you're having a nice day! New demo on soundcloud today. This song is a little all over the place, but it's reflective of my experiences this year and just feeling really disconnected from reality and my thoughts and everything around me for most of the time. I hope you like it. Thanks for listening, it means a lot to me :)
(also ft. an angsty drawing from the other day, hehe)
Crack
cracked glass obstructs
my view
of their burning hill
wishing to
shatter the barrier
and burn too
Η τέχνη του αποχωρισμού!
Η τέχνη του αποχωρισμού!
Η ζωή μας είναι γεμάτη από αλλαγές, σταθμούς, μεταβάσεις, μικρούς και μεγάλους αποχωρισμούς..
Ολη μας η ζωή είναι στιγμές αποχωρισμού από κάτι, κάθε στιγμή που περνάει κάτι αποχωριζόμαστε.
(more…)
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Tw: mention of sh
I wanted to visit my boyfriend tomorrow, but he is going away for a week, so it's 3 weeks of not seeing each other. Because he was in malta and then I was in camp and now he is gone again.
It's okay. I guess. I am not dissociating at all. Never.
Urge is getting so strong again. I just really want to cut. I just want some relive. I really need to feel something again.
But I am trying so hard not to relapse. I'm really trying to get better...
This is so good holy shit!!
Im glad your okay now!
Or recovering at least!
Happy two year anniversary of the release of the Rise of the TMNT movie. To celebrate, here's my interpretation of what Raph experienced before and during his time Krangified.
Some personal notes below the cut.
During the time the movie first premiered on Netflix, I was going through one of the worst periods of my life, and began to experience extreme dissociative episodes that would leave me in an extremely vulnerable physical state. I already related heavily to Raph after watching the TV show, but seeing what happened to him in the movie hit me on a much more closer and personal level. It took me two years to fully complete this comic, because working on it made me think back to these intense and painful memories, and that was a struggle for a while. Only recently, within the last couple months, has my situation bettered enough for me to work on it without being too uncomfortable.
This is me putting my raw, firsthand experiences onto paper, because I want to make peace with my past in order to move forward. Raph's victory in overcoming the Krang's control is, in my eyes, the same as my victory in surviving those intense dissociative episodes. This is a reflection of my personal struggle, meant to help me attain a very specific closure. I hope that perhaps someone else who is suffering, or who has suffered similarly, will see this and know there is hope. Our experiences may not be exactly the same, but I want you to know that you are not alone.
Lastly, I would like to thank every individual person who worked on bringing this show to life, from first conception to the movie's premier. Rise has been a source of light in my life that I never could have imagined. From the friends I've made, to the art I've created, to the fits of laughter and the tears I shed as I sat through every episode over and over again. It wouldn't be possible without any of you, so thank you for being a part of it. No matter how big or small a role, I am eternally grateful to you. 💚
ways to start feeling again
sit in the sun without anything to do, feel the heat of the rays hit your skin, realize that this sunlight has travelled a very long way to reach you
walk around barefoot and try to feel as much of the ground under your feet as you can, notice every rock and blade of grass
sit quietly for a while and notice the touch of breath in your nostrils, feel how the air gets cooler as you inhale and warmer as you exhale
drive around aimlessly and blast some of your favorite songs, scream/sing along to them and feel the vibrations of your favorite lyrics as they change the air in your throat and around you, feel that the music is healing you from the inside out
stay away from alcohol or drugs for a few days, try to be as aware and present as you can in every moment, stop trying to numb or dull your senses
eat a few meals without any distractions, notice every bite and taste every flavor that covers your tongue, be grateful for it all
look up at the stars and the moon, understand how small we all are and how immense the universe is, realize what a miracle everything is, let your heart swell with amazement and admiration for life itself
Self-portraits of a DID System ▸Fortuna
Fortunes found at five first-thing. Finally blessed with a portrait by hers truly.
I aways want to die clean and pretty
But i'd be too busy on work days
So i am relized that this turbulence wasn't forecasted
I coudn't have change, anyway.
I am relized that i'd left my room tidy..
Goodbye.
Dissociation
I tend to disassociate when I'm not feeling useful. My love language is a balance between physical touch and words of affirmation. Since I hardly let anyone get close enough for physical touch, I seek opportunities to help others with their concerns and anxiety in return for a simple thank you or even more precious their trust. To be someone that others feel they can confide in is something that a person like myself desires in order to feel self worth. So if you know anyone like myself that seems to disappear for months at a time, just leave them little messages during their absence or an anonymous question if it isn't much of an inconvenience. You may be surprised by how more often they appear online when they know someone takes a moment to appreciate them even when they are trying not to be noticed.
How do you expect me to build my future without the foundation of my past?
when you try to make system friends and you find someone that you connect so well with and that understands your experience on such a deep level that you feel so seen and heard,
Only for them to have lied about almost everything they told you over your seven year friendship and now you're left alone with a hole in your heart where your love for them once was, and every alter who knew and had a connection with them hurts as well so it's a collective pain you all feel like a dull ache.
Idc if this gets me fakeclaimed or what,
But I love my system. Truly and wholly, I love each of them. They are me, and I'm them all the same, so for me the best way to practice self-love is by accepting the other alters in my system for who they are, and understand they exist for a reason.
Of course I've been hurt by them, very severely actually, but I forgive them, and I will always work to create the best life we can get, somewhere we can all feel safe.