Sammy Interview

Sammy Interview

Before we get started, do you mind introducing yourself and telling a bit about yourself? 

My name is Sammy. I’m 34 years old, a college graduate with a background in cultural anthropology as well as women, gender, and sexuality studies. I’m particularly interested in queer and feminist methodologies. I live with my partner of some 15 years, who is also a fanfiction writer.

Q1: So, you told me that you’ve been writing fan fiction for 20+ years which is awesome! How did it all get started and what kind of fan fiction have you written in that time?

A1:  Like a lot of fangirls of my generation, anime was my introduction to fanfiction.  I grew up watching Sailor Moon when it first aired on American network television. It was love at first sight. There was nothing else like it on TV. At my local Blockbuster I discovered anime. It wasn’t as readily available then as it is now. Because the english dubs were so limited I ended up watching the same OVA rentals over and over - Ranma ½, RG Veda, Vampire Princess Miyu. First I wrote stories in my head, then I started writing them down. When I recieved my own computer and constant access to the internet, I went searching for fansites. Secreted behind unassuming links I found small clutches of fanfiction. This was before fanfiction.net first took off, and An Archive of Our Own was well over a decade away. Fansites had webrings, which took me to the next fansite, and so on.  It really was a matter of finding the right webring for a given show and following the thread.

I began with writing Sailor Moon fanfiction, and as Cartoon Network’s late night block of programming (Toonami) expanded, the more I wrote. Gundam Wing fandom introduced me to shipping and it blew my mind.

I moved away from anime when the Harry Potter movies happened. A lot of us made the transition to book and movie based fandoms when someone discovered Harry/Draco. After that I found DC comics, and then became very active in the Star Trek reboot fandom. I’ve written for Stargate: Atlantis, BBC Sherlock and Hannibal and so, so many other shows/books/video games. I’ve been an active participant in Yuletide, which is an anonymous holiday fanfic exchange, and multiple Big Bangs -another fanfic/fanart exchange- as well as a kinkmeme prompt filler for years.

Q2: What pushed you to begin sharing your fan fiction?

A2: The mailing lists. In the early days of fandom private yahoo groups and message boards were the main venue for posting and reading fanfiction. Most mailing lists were fandom based and created for specific content - like Gundam Wing Slash, GundamWingGEN and CRACKSHIP. These became high volume, tight knit communities. It wasn’t unusual to have your mail box refreshing on the left side of the monitor, while you chatted with members on AIM on the right side. There was a lot of encouragement, experimentation, and collaboration. You posted your fanfiction to the list, or board, and people cheered. It was all so exciting.  It’s hard to describe now how close we all were, and just how much fellow-feeling fueled hundreds of emails a day. This was my online family, my community. I didn’t need a push or moment of courage to post my early fanfiction - I was delighted to share, invited to share. It was an electrifying thing to be part of.

Q3: Were you scared to post it online?

A3: Not at all. I didn’t need to be scared - none of us did. No one outside these early lists and boards knew what we were doing. I really can’t emphasize enough how guarded the early fanfiction community was. We were incredibly insulated. Our families didn’t know, our teachers and co-workers were oblivious, popular culture wasn’t shitting on fanfiction writers because it didn’t know we were writing. I wasn’t scared to press ‘send’, but it did feel dangerous, a little rebellious. There was a sense of getting away with something.

Q4: Has writing fan fiction taught you anything? About writing? Reading? Something else?

A4: On a basic level, fanfiction taught me how to write. Structure, pace, dialogue - I was taught those things in a classroom, but I learned them by writing fanfiction. We all taught ourselves to write by writing for each other. We created an entire literary movement without an MA in literature, or a structured pedagogy. Fanfiction writers generated new narrative traditions, like the Five Things + 1 format (a breakaway from the three-act story), Hurt/Comfort, and a language of tagging that defies classical genre rules - all because we were messing around.

Writing fanfiction has taught me the value of questioning western literary rules and conventions, that writing for myself and my own pleasure is valid.  It’s also taught me that I don’t like to write alone. One of the things that makes fanfiction so special for me is that so much of it happens in conversation with other writers and readers. My best writing experiences have been in simpatico with total strangers, on AIM, in livejournal comment threads, gchat.  I’m not writing “original fiction” because I lack imagination; it’s just too lonely.

Q5: Do you ever want to be published in a professional capacity one day?

A5: I do, though I feel like this is a bit of a fraught subject for fanfiction writers.  There’s an compulsion to say yes, of course I plan to publish one day, as if that end goal legitimates the fanfiction I write. I don’t want to contribute to the idea of fanfiction as a lesser form of literature- a stepping stone to Real Writing - but yes. I started writing creative nonfiction in community college.  That writing comes from a very different place than fanfiction. It satisfies another hunger.

Q6: How you feel about the stigma surrounding fan fiction and fan fiction writers? Or, do you not feel any stigma at all?

A6: I think the stigma towards fanfiction is pushback from multiple sociological and institutional sources.

In the beginning we had the sense that fanfiction - slash fanfiction - wasn’t something to bring up outside of those digital spaces we made for ourselves. We knew it would be considered an auteur kink at best, or downright perverted plagiarism at worst (I think this is largely still the case). Before the community found the language to discuss slash and fanfiction as transformative works - as deconstructions of conventional media, gender roles, and sexuality - there was an ethos of compartmentalization to the whole thing.

Q7: Do you think that stigma is warranted? (Whether or not you have personally experience it?)

A7: No.

I touched on this earlier, but I believe the stigma and hostility towards fanfiction is firmly rooted in gender and non-normative sexuality. The writing we do is generally characterized as a feminine endeavour, which immediately marks it as inferior to a literary canon that values the masculine so highly. The perception that fanfiction is a plagiarism of male authored source material makes it all the more egregious.

Equally as foundational, is the reduction of fanfiction to gay porn written by straight cis women for straight cis women - fanfiction is not only shit writing, it’s perverted and weird.

I’ve never been ashamed of the fanfiction I write, or read. Embarrassed maybe, of those first earnest attempts at writing. But fanfiction does not have a monopoly on bad writing. I can just as easily find the same trash in Barnes & Noble. So, quality is not and never has been a valid criticism.

Q8: What’s your favorite piece of fan fiction you’ve ever written? Why?

A8: A gen fic I wrote for Star Trek (AOS). I’m a leisurely writer, and stories don’t just hit me whole and complete in one go. But this one did. It took three hours to write and I didn’t have to think about where I was going after finishing a paragraph, the next was already there, I just had to type it out. It’s never come that easy before or since. It’s not my most popular piece of fanfiction, but I can go back and read it and not feel like I need to change anything.

Q10: Do you write outside of fan fiction?

A10: I do - until recently I was writing up lesson plans for classes I was co-facilitating. Generally, when I’m not writing fanfiction I’m working on creative non-fiction. I use the frame of gender analysis and sexuality studies (among others) to write about my life.

Q11: What site do you prefer to write and post your fan fiction on?

A11: An Archive of Our Own (AO3). The tagging system is superior and the site is far more user friendly than ff.net, which is an absolute dumpster fire.  

Q12: What’s something you want people outside the fan fiction community to know about the fan fiction community?

We’re not a monolith. Teenage girls are the cultural face of fanfiction, but so many of us are in our 30s and 40s, old fandom queens from those first private mailing lists, boards, and LiveJournal accounts. We have soul sucking jobs. We have degrees in STEM. We teach college, have kids and debt, and friendships that have lasted decades.. We are not, and never have been a homogenous group of straight cis women. Asexuality and gender fluidity abounds. Plenty of us experience disability and chronic illness.  And we aren’t a small group of weirdos obsessed with Johnlock. We’re an enormous and diverse group of weirdos who have created a literary movement.

guksthighs Interview

I, the interviewer, typically don’t interrupt at the beginning of the interview, but Jess is legit one of my favorite fan fiction writers of all time and I’m so honored that she took the time to speak with me. Anyway, onto the interview!

First off, can you start off by introducing yourself (whatever name you feel comfortable using) and telling us a little bit about yourself?

I’m Jess, an eighteen year old writer from the UK! I’ve been writing for BTS for a year and a half but supported them since the Boy in Luv era! I stan all seven boys ( but lean towards my angel child Kim Namjoon ) and when I’m not writing or doing schoolwork I’m usually doing some sort of sports! Also I just wanted to say thank you so much for asking to interview me, it is only such an honour that I’d make the cut!

Q1: Why did you first begin writing fan fiction? A1: I’ve always loved writing and the easiest way to share it and get people to read your work is to write for a fandom - well that was my ideology in the beginning. In reality, what’s kept me writing are the messages I receive every now and then ( from people like you ) that make me feel like the luckiest person ever and like I’m doing a decent job at writing!

Q2: You mainly write imagines/ preferences, but you do have a few series and longer pieces on your page. Do you prefer to write in shorter forms? A2: When I first started out writing, rather embarrassingly, my aim was to grow a following on Tumblr so I posted daily for the first few months and because shorter forms are faster to write I was able to continue that and now I am able to balance my life and writing easier. I’d love to write longer pieces but I’d prefer to publish a smaller piece weekly than work on a huge project!

I also have a lot of started and unfinished pieces which is more of a reflection of me - I’ve always had a huge imagination and am always planning the next idea but I do intend to start posting longer pieces soon! Q3: Have you written fan fiction for other fandoms? And/or before starting your current account? A3: I have! My first ever fan fiction was One Direction ( it’s deleted now - thank god - and on looking back I’m ashamed to say I used a plot for original characters to try and garner more reads - it worked ). I have a wattpad account ( jeonsthighs ) where I’ve completed a 50 chapter Haikyuu piece called An Angel’s Wings. Last I checked it had 125,000 reads and in summary is about a deaf volleyball player who overcomes her self taught ideology that relying on others makes you weak. I’ve also written for other anime fandoms; Fairy Tail and Kuroko No Basket, so I guess you could call me versatile ~ Q4: Do you write anything outside the realm of fan fiction? A4: I write columns for my school newspaper and have the honour of having written an article that has been used in a newspaper!

I used to write stories in school on scrap pieces of paper that would be passed around the class as I wrote them which encouraged me to share it online to try and spread more happiness!

These days I tend not to write any fiction outside of fan fiction due to the amount of work I have but I’m hoping after my exams I’ll be able to juggle my account and work on some ideas I’ve had for a while! Q5: Were you scared to begin posting your work online? A5: Surprisingly no! I’ve always written as a form of stress relief and mindfulness as I’m able to channel any negative emotions into words. So I wasn’t too worried about no one noticing me and am still surprised at the size my account has grown to. The only thing that scares me these days is someone I know finding my account and confronting me about *some* of the more mature content I’ve posted. Q6: Has writing fan fiction taught you anything? About writing? Reading? Yourself? A6: Fan fiction has taught me not to hide away from myself and all of my emotions and thoughts which means I’ve been able to deal with my depression and anxiety in a way I wouldn’t have done before. Often I write characteristics that reflect myself, often without meaning to and upon looking back on my work I notice the resemblance. Writing has been the best and most helpful form of mindfulness and by participating in publishing Fan fiction I am able to connect with others! ( Even if it has given me unrealistic expectations for dating TT )

Q7: What’s your favorite piece you’ve ever written? A7: I’ve thought about this question a lot and come to the cheesiest conclusion ever, even so I stand by it. Every work I publish is my favourite, they all reflect different parts of myself and have different journeys and memories to me and others. I do however have a special place for Golden Boy, a Park Jimin piece because it was my first ever embarking on a journey to write 10,000 words. Q8: Do you notice any stigma surrounding fan fiction or fan fiction writers? A8: That we’re crazed fans or disgusting. I feel authors are criticised for using real people in their work - which was the scariest thing for me as I was moving from the realm of anime and literal characters to writing about real living and breathing humans. However, I use the boys as characters for my writing, I am aware that everything I do is imaginary and do not think it’s likely to come true ( which is one of the reasons I prefer writing crazy alternate universes over more realistic pieces ) Another top stigma is that fan fiction writers are not talented which is rather hurtful. Oh! Also that we’re all perverts and write fifty shades of grey style pieces ( I know there are accounts out there that are nothing like that ... just maybe not mine aha )

Q9: If so, how do you feel about this stigma?

A9: It doesn’t bother me particularly, instead of going on long winded rants that will be skipped by people who believe these I try and be active in changing that stigma ( apart from the smut cus a girls gotta sin ). I’ve started my author recommendations list to support smaller accounts who are just starting up which has had an amazing reception and results!

Q10: What’s something you’ve never been asked but want to be? 

A10: Favourite book? Q11: Is Tumblr the site you prefer to post fan fic on? If so, why?

A11: Tumblr is my preferred site - to an extent. It is amazing for creating and talking to the blog family, as well as making friends. However, as I said earlier I’ve been in this fandom a long time and the recent surge of new fans has resulted in more arguments and fights that I don’t like seeing.

Q12: Do you ever want to be published in a professional capacity one day? A12: Yes! I’m hopefully going to university next year to study English Literature and hope to either go into journalism or publishing/editing. I’d love to be a published author but I’m happy to support others in accomplishing their dreams!

Thank you so much for interviewing me and letting me share my thoughts and journey as a BTS fan fiction writer! It’s an honour to be someone you wanted to interview and throughout the process you’ve been so kind ! I really would encourage everyone to try writing, whether it’s poetry, short drabbles or even thousands of words long chaptered pieces because you never know what your mind and imagination are capable of until you push them! Thank you again and happy reading!

Check out Jess’ amazing imagines and fan fiction on her Tumblr page guksthighs and on her Wattpad jeonsthighs! Once again, thank you, Jess!

Winter Bear

Genre: Roommates AU, Fluff

Pairing: Taehyung/Reader

Warnings: cursing

Synopsis: Your new roommate Taehyung can’t seem to let you work in peace. Yet, when you inevitably fall asleep working every night, you never question why you wake up in your bed.

✦✧✦✧

“Y/N! Hold still!” your roommate, Taehyung said. He brought the camera that hung around his neck up to his eyes and the flash caught you off guard. The camera was at least thirty years old and he often spent late nights on campus developing the photos himself.

“Hey!” you said. “What was that about?”

“Your hair is messed up,” he said. “It framed your face well.”

You weren’t expecting such a serious answer. You simply blinked and took another sip of your drink. It was your second of the night and you were already beginning to feel a little tipsy.  Taehyung walked away after, continuing to take photographs of the party. You noticed Jimin posing for him–giggling and his face flushed–he’d surely regret a few of those poses in the morning.

It was only because of Jimin that you lived with Taehyung. You’d both been looking for a roommate around the same time and both mentioned it to Jimin. The two of you signed the lease before even meeting. It had been a week before classes started and you needed a place before you drained your bank account living in a hotel.

You really had no issues with Taehyung so far. Sure, you would be content simply sharing the space–you didn’t expect to become friends–but Taehyung inserted himself seamlessly in your life. Just enough to not be overbearing, but enough that you occasionally wanted to wring his neck.

“So, have you and Tae fucked yet?” Jimin asked, taking a sip of his beer. He was far past tipsy and you hoped he didn’t puke on your carpet. Not even a week into your new place and you were already at risk of not getting the deposit back.

“What the fuck?” you asked, hardly able to keep yourself from laughing. “We’ve lived together for five days. Do you think I’m that desperate?”

“Nah, I just know the effect Tae has on women.”

“Do we know the same Taehyung?” You looked over at the blond who was currently snapping pictures of Yoongi, who slept on the couch farthest from the main party. “He’s too pure and cute.”

Jimin smirked. “Exactly.”

You rolled your eyes as you poured another drink into your plastic cup. You’d started off with beer, then whiskey, and now you were onto rum and Coke. You were buzzed and you knew Jimin could tell as his eyes raked over you in concern.

“Don’t drink too much,” he said, cutely pouting out his lips.

“Why not? I’m already in my apartment and I won’t get to party like this til winter break.” You sipped your drink and bobbed your head to the music. Your demeanor shifting quickly, you grabbed hold of Jimin’s wrists and drug him out into the living room where most of the partygoers were. Music thumped softly. It was just loud enough to dance to, but not so loud that the cops would get called. “Come on, show me how those dance classes have paid off.”

Before long, Jimin was smiling and giggling as the two of you danced and drank and danced and drank and danced and…

You opened your eyes. There was no longer any music and you only caught a glimpse of a black T-shirt. Your head hurt and your vision blurred. A hand came out and grabbed your shoulder, it was gentle, fingertips only barely connecting with the fabric of your blouse.

“Jimin?” You reached out and took a handful of his shirt. “Is that you? It feels like you.”

“Uh–”

“Mm, can you take me to my room? I feel so heavy and you’re soo strong.” A lazy smile came across your face. You’d always marveled that Jimin could carry you so easily despite not being that much bigger than you.

You felt yourself being lifted and arms resting under your knees and around your shoulders. Instinctively, you curled your nose into his chest. Something seemed off. After a party, Jimin normally smelled of sweat and whiskey. This time you caught a faint whiff of cologne and what you thought was Coke.

Before you could mutter anything else, your back connected with your bed, and the covers were pulled up to your chest. Your eyes closed and you heard nothing else.

✦✧✦✧

It was 11 pm and Taehyung had an early class the next day. Coming out of the bathroom, he was accustomed to seeing light seeping underneath the crack of your door. You typically got off work at 9 and he imagined that you stayed up doing homework. Although, unlike Taehyung, you didn’t work weekends, making him wonder why you didn’t get the majority of work done then.

Curious, he inched closer to your door. The two of you had lived together a month now. He wouldn’t say you were friends, but you certainly didn’t hate each other. Occasionally, the two of you would hunker down on the couch with popcorn and watch a movie. Even if you barely talked through it, the way neither of you flinched away when your hands brushed in the popcorn bowl let him know that you didn’t despise him.

He knocked on your door before he could stop himself. Taehyung froze until he heard your barely audible, “Come in.”

Opening the door, he found you at your desk. Notebooks and books spread across your desk, the floor, and even your lap. You and your laptop were in the middle of it all, your hair pulled up into a messy ponytail, and your makeup from work beginning to leave streaks of black under your eyes.

“What’s up?” you asked, only glancing up at him before you returned to furiously typing.

“I, uh, I just noticed your light was on–is always on.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t keep you up.”

“That’s not–” he started, pausing when he noticed the cute way you chewed your cheek in thought. “What are you working on anyway?”

“My script,” you said.

“For a class?”

“No, for me.”

Taehyung perked up. “You write scripts? I’m an acting minor. You know, if you ever need someone to film with.”

You stopped typing and truly met his eyes for the first time during the conversation. “Thanks,” you said, your eyes narrowing and shoulders dropping. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Taehyung fidgeted as he noticed your obvious annoyance. “Do–do you need anything?”

You shook your head and went back to typing. Taehyung watched you for a moment, daring you to change your mind. But, after a few moments of silence, he slowly slinked out of the room.

✦✧✦✧

It became a routine. Taehyung knocking on your door in his pajama pants a T-shirt. Usually, his hair was a little damp as he took showers before bed.

“How’s the script coming?” he asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe in possibly the most cliche posture you’d ever seen.

“Fine,” you said, just like every night.

“I brought you a snack,” he said, walking into your room, looking between you and the door as he were trespassing and setting a bag of hot Cheetos on your desk.

“Oh, I don’t like hot Cheetos,” you said. “Sorry.”

Taehyung’s face fell. “I thought you liked spicy things?”

“Yeah, they taste too fake though. Thank you, it was really nice of you.” You’d become less annoyed with Tae’s late night visits, even found yourself checking the clock and listening as he got out of the shower.

You looked up and watched as Taehyung turned around and readied himself to leave. A small pang rang through your chest like a morning bell when you saw the way his shoulders were slouched and his mouth sat in a defeated line.

“Tortilla chips,” you said. “I tend to crave tortilla chips when I work.”

Taehyung smiled at you. It wasn’t the full boxy smile you’d seen him use around Jimin or his friends, but there was something behind it that made your stomach feel warm.

✦✧✦✧

The next night Taehyung knocked lightly on your door. He held a bag of tortilla chips and tried not to crinkle it before you gave him the okay to come in.

But it never came.

“Y/N?” Taehyung asked softly. When you again didn’t answer, Taehyung’s brow furrowed and he slowly turned the knob, hoping he wouldn’t regret going in. He opened the door and peered over to your desk. The set up was the same. Books, notebooks, your laptop, everything in their rightful places. Except for this time, your head was on the keyboard, your face turned towards the door and your mouth slightly open.

Taehyung chuckled as he realized you were asleep. Between work, homework, and the script you were working on, he honestly wondered how you stayed sane, not to mention awake. Your laptop had gone to sleep as well, but the screensaver reflected off your face and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he set the chips down on your nightstand.

“You need to stop working so hard,” he said. “I’m gonna  have to keep carrying you to bed.”

He reached down and cleared the book off your lap, cringing as it landed with a thud on the floor. Taehyung glanced over to make sure it hadn’t woken you up, but you were still sound asleep. He carefully wrapped his arms under our legs and around your shoulders, lifting you as gently as he could.

It was only a few steps to your bed, but you had managed to curl into his chest. He held back his laughter and carefully adjusted you so that he could reach down and pull back the covers. Setting you down, he pulled the covers up and piled the books and notebooks onto your desk. Taehyung quietly shuffled towards the door and shut off the light on his way out.

✦✧✦✧

You woke the next morning. You sighed, immediately feeling the rough fabric of your jeans keeping you from stretching out across the bed. Glancing over at your desk, your things were stacked neatly, something you rarely ever did. But, there were so many things you didn’t remember from the night before.

You remembered coming home from work, working on your screenplay, and then only the smell of Jimin’s cologne from that party a few months ago. Did Jimin come over? Did you drink? You smelled your clothes, not catching a whiff of alcohol. You shrugged, it’d been a while since you’d actually slept in your bed, normally falling asleep at your desk. Although, you typically managed to change when you got home from work. You weren’t overly concerned, Jimin was one of your best friends and you knew that he probably just put you in bed and left.

Reaching for your phone, you stopped as you noticed a large bag of tortilla chips on your nightstand. You smiled as you realized that Taehyung must’ve come in like normal, but found you asleep.

Walking into the kitchen, you noticed Taehyung standing in front of the stove and frying a few eggs, a mug of hot chocolate half-drank on the counter beside him. Taehyung wasn’t much of a cook, but he usually managed to cook himself eggs in the morning.

“Thanks for the chips,” you said, opening the fridge and grabbing your protein shake. You weren’t much of a morning person, so you prepared them all on the weekends so you didn’t have to cook.

“Oh, you’re welcome. It was really nothing.” The eggs were overdone by the time he finally slid them onto the plate and you couldn’t help but smile.

It was Friday which meant today was your last day of class and work.

“I, uh, just wanted to say thanks. I’ll let you get ready for class.”

He glanced up. His chopsticks halfway between his plate and mouth. “Do you want some eggs? I can make you some. You seemed tired last night. You probably need the protein.”

“Oh, I have a protein shake,” you said. “I’m okay. You really don’t have to worry about me so much Tae.”

You left the room, missing how Taehyung smiled at the new nickname. He pushed the eggs around his plate as he remembered how you looked with the covers pulled around you.

✦✧✦✧

The sun came through your window and the warmth hit your face pulling you out of your slumber. You were in your bed again and you couldn’t help but smile at the feel of the sheet against the bare skin of your legs.

It was 9:30. A little earlier than you usually woke up on a Saturday, but the last thing you remembered the night before was working on the climax of your script. You were so close to finishing, although then you would spend all your time editing. The submission period was only a few weeks away and you couldn’t miss it, even if it meant sacrificing the little sleep you got.

You walked into the living room on your way to the kitchen and jumped as you noticed a figure on the couch. Taehyung sat on the couch, in his work clothes, asleep. You’d fully expected him to be gone already. He worked the early weekend shift at the coffee shop down the street and you were used to having the apartment nearly to yourself on the weekends.

“Taehyung?” you said. Your voice soft and hesitant as you approached him. He wore a white sweatshirt and the hood was pulled over his head. Only the very ends of his hair were visible and his mouth lay slightly open. You almost didn’t want to wake him up.

“Taehyung,” you said again, a little louder. You touched his shoulder lightly. “Tae, shouldn’t you be at work?” As neared you him, you thought you smelled something familiar, something that reminded you of cuddling into your pillow late at night.

His eyes shot open and he darted around you as he rushed to locate his keys. “Shit.” He finally found his keys on the coffee table in front of him and started towards the door. “Thanks, Y/N” He shot you a kind smile before rushing out the door.

✦✧✦✧

You let out a breath and relaxed your shoulders as you hit ‘Submit’. The script was finished and entered into the contest. You didn’t expect to win, but it came with the opportunity for feedback and you couldn’t pass that up.

A knock sounded at your door and it opened a few minutes later. Taehyung didn’t need your confirmation anymore, only waiting if he heard your voice.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m gonna be headed home tomorrow and I wanted to give you this before I left.” From behind his back, he pulled out a massive package wrapped mostly neatly, only the edges showing some crinkling. Based on the size, you were surprised he’d even managed to keep it hidden as he walked into the room.

“Oh,” you said, jumping up from your desk and opening your closet. You pulled out a significantly smaller package. “I actually got you something too.”

Taehyung gapped at you in surprise. “You got me a Christmas present?”

You fidgeted. “You’ve always been so nice to me,” you said, thinking of all the times Taehyung checked up on you and bought you snacks for your late night work. “I thought now that its break and my script is done that I should do something to pay you back.”

Taehyung failed at holding back his smile. He took the package from you and motioned towards his present for you. “Open yours first.”

You tore open the paper and found a body pillow. You nearly squealed in delight and hugged it to your chest. “How did you know I wanted one of these?”

Taehyung beamed. “I noticed how you always clung to me when I carried you to bed so I figured that you like to cuddle things in your sleep.” When he finished the sentence, his eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out.

“Wait,” you said. “It was you who carried me to bed after the party?”

“Uh yeah,” he said. “And, kinda whenever you fell asleep at your desk.” He slouched and stood awkwardly, like a scolded puppy.

You laughed. “I’m so stupid. I always thought I was sleepwalking to my bed or something. But it was you.”

“Wait, so you’re not mad?”

“Well, I probably should because it is a little weird, I guess. But, I think the pounds of tortilla chips and this pillow make up for it.” Something made you want to run forward and fall against his chest. Smell his cologne that made your eyes immediate lull and want to close. But instead, you said, “Open yours.”

He tore open the paper and opened the small box to find a stack of printed pictures. They were all from the party before classes started. When you’d first had them developed, you were surprised by how Tae seemed to capture people in their most real moments. Not their most beautiful moments or their darkest moments, but the ones where they were crying at a friend’s joke or dancing as the beat dropped.

When you’d come across the one of you, with messy hair, flushed cheeks, for some reason, you thought it was the best picture of you.

“Jimin told me that you were scared to have them developed,” you said. “I’m sorry if you didn’t want to see them, but they’re beautiful, Taehyung.”

Taehyung pulled in for a hug and your head hit his chest before you could realize it. You fell into the hug naturally though, your eyes closing and your arms slinking around his waist. He didn’t pull away and neither did you. Your breathing began to even out, you weren’t asleep, but even though you were standing, you could easily fall asleep. Taehyung’s arms around you made you feel like you were floating.

“You know,” Taehyung said, his chin coming to rest on the top of your head. “You’re kinda like a bear.”

“What?” you asked, pulling away from his chest and looking up at him.

He looked down at you for a few moments before he reached up and pushed some hair out of your face. He smiled, more of a smirk, one corner of his mouth higher than the other.

“You come off so grumpy and like you don’t want to be bothered.” He lifted you off your feet, laughing as you yelped with surprise. He sat laid you on your bed, but unlike the times before, he climbed in beside you. Taehyung’s arms wrapped around you and pulled you flush against his body. You turned around so you could bury your nose in his T-shirt. Right at the divet between his collarbones.

You hardly could question your actions or his for that matter. You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t thought about resting your head on his chest or feeling his warm breath on your ears. Or, that you hadn’t noticed Taehyung’s odd glances when you came into the common areas in a pair of shorts that hugged your skin so well that you almost forgot you were wearing them.

You already felt yourself falling asleep. The tension from your neck and shoulders releasing and Tae’s hands pushing your hair back only made you want to spend the winter hibernating in his arms. He pressed a small, hesitant kiss to your hairline.

“But, you really just want someone to cuddle you. Just like a bear.”

icypantherwrites Interview

Before we start do you mind introducing yourself (you can use whatever name you are comfortable using/ your readers know you by) and telling us a little about yourself?

Hello ♥ My name is IcyPanther, Icy for short. Icy in a nutshell: short, blind without her glasses, clinging to my last couple months before I hit thirty, sings (belts) in the shower and while driving, cuddles and loves on her dog (a Rotti Bernie Spaniel mix named Inara ♥) far too much, hasn’t burned her house down cooking yet, can’t work on projects when things are messy, will beat you to death with kindness, very vulgar sailor mouth that has gotten worse working for the police, and dream job would be writing all day followed by napping. Ta da!

Onto the interview!

Q1: What kind of fan fiction do you write? And, what made you gravitate towards this/these particular fandom(s)?

A1: I tend to specialize in whump and hurt/comfort with plenty of angst to go alongside it ♥ My only current fandom right now is Voltron: Legendary Defender but I got into writing fanfiction with a number of animes and was pretty into the Harry Potter (Dramione ♥) sphere for a long while and prior to my revival in 2017 with VLD that was what I was best known for.

I write only in fandoms that I enjoy but am most motivated when I have a deep connection to a character(s).

Q2: Why did you begin writing fan fiction?

A2: Because the show I was watching at the time (Rurouni Kenshin) did not have enough whump and angst for my favorite character and that needed fixing ;p I’m a pretty cheerful personality but I love darker things and a lot of shows won’t go that far or if they do it tends to toe the line most of the time (not all, and God, Rurouni Kenshin has plenty of delicious dark moments and backstories, don’t get me wrong) but it needed more. And thus enter my first super shitty, super awful piece that I keep alive online to remind myself of where I’ve come from.

Q3: Were you scared to begin posting it online?

A3: Nope! Now, being found out in high school to be writing it? Heck yeah xD Like I said, I have a very cheerful, innocent personality on the outside and I’d have been mortified for anyone (outside of my sister who was all for this xD) to find out what kind of dark shit I was writing but posting online under a penname? No big deal.

Q4: Do you ever want to published in a professional capacity one day?

A4: I technically am published with a crazy ton of news and feature stories from my days as a journalist and editor. Some of those pieces I’m very proud of and one in particular cast a spotlight on an amazing man who performed tattoo coverups for sex trafficking victims and old gang members and my story got picked up by some of the big news stations and he got so much good attention and press and, most importantly, donations and funding ♥ I loved being able to make a difference like that.

But I’m thinking this is leaning more towards fiction and the answer to that is yes, most definitely. I have dreams (as all authors do) of writing a bestseller and have finally found the courage and drive to start pursuing my own novel ♥

Q5: Has writing fan fiction taught you anything? About writing? Reading? Yourself?

A5: Most definitely. One thing I’m going to highlight here is I’m old by fanfiction standards. I’m not a high school kid anymore or even a college student. I’m a full grown adult and I’ve seen and been through a lot and seen my writing change and grow over the about fifteen years I’ve actively been writing. So its hard to say “yes, fanfiction has taught me ____” because there’s so much more to it then that.

I will say though that fanfiction is what gave me the drive to write more and more as posting for an engaged audience and hearing positive feedback told me that hey, I can write and people want to read it. It definitely solidified my career path in college although, cough, I am wishing a bit I’d gone the more marketing/communications route. She says as she works an overnight desk job xD

Q6: Do you write anything outside of the realm of fan fiction?

A6: See above for old jouranlism job and currently working on my novel, a young adult fantasy ♥

Q7: Do you notice any stigma surrounding fan fiction or fan fiction writers?

A7: When I first started doing this fifteen years ago? Yes. Most definitely. It was considered a lower art form (which makes me laugh as fanart was never put into the same category) and “weak” writing and to this day I remember when I was talking to my creative writing teacher in high school about it and she laughed and said that fanfiction is not original and is just plagiarizing another work. I never forgot that but I also never believed it. Fanfiction, I feel, is honestly one of the most difficult mediums to write. You have to work within a set world, using established characters, plots and backstory and then make it your own all while adhering to those parameters. It’s hard. It’s very hard.

Today though I think a lot of people respect that and I no longer see the discourse I used to on the subject (I still won’t tell anyone outside of my anime con friends though that I write it ;p). And I’m glad. It’s a much safer, inclusive environment for young writers venturing out to get into. I will also preface though that I don’t engage much with the drama (and God does my fandom right now have a lot of it) and just post and go about my day and I credit a lot of that to my age. But from someone who started back in 2003… it’s changed, most definitely.

Q8: If so, how do you feel about this stigma?

A8: See above ;)

Q9: What’s something you’ve never been asked but want to be?

A9: Um… Nothing is coming to mind in any category of this nature. Sorry.

Q10: Is Tumblr the site you prefer to post fan fic on? If so, why?

A10: Oh heck no. No no no no no. Tumblr is… is awful for posting text on. AWFUL. I use it as an engagement tool to interact with readers and to promote my works. I started off on fanfiction.net and when I rebooted in 2017 I crossposted between it and Archive of Our Own. Just about a month ago I made the decision to post solely on AO3 as the editing features are very, very nice and the traffic there is better ♥

Q11: What’s your favorite piece of fan fiction you’ve ever written? Why?

A11: So many fics to choose from, you want me to pick one? ;p I love all of my pieces, from the horrid ones in 2003 to 2010 years to my more recent VLD ones starting in 2017. All hold a special place in my heart.

But the fic I am most proud of would be my long boi As Color Fades Away, or Color for short. It’s a 430k+ fic that was my first foray into the VLD fandom and my first real fic after nearly seven years of not writing anything. I saw myself grow so much as a writer in that fic (although that history is erased now as given its popularity and my love of it I have recently re-written the first 35 chapters completely with edits in others as well) and it has everything I crave in a story: whump and angst and hurt/comfort and family and friendship and so much heart and love. It was a fic that touched a lot of people (myself included) and it’s my magnum opus now and forever of fanfiction.

Find icy’s fics here and her Tumblr page here.

Behind the Shadows

Percy has a twin sister called Sapphire. She was adopted by Apollo to hide her from Zeus and Hades. She grew up with two loving parents and her best friend Luke.

The Bitter Truth

Hermes slowly drinks his cup of tea. His eyes shift from Sapphire to Percy over the top on his cup. Everything is so fancy inside Olivias house. Sapphire had only seen the front hall and the living…

Read more…

risk it — jjk | masterlist.

↠ fic type: social media au, exes to lovers

↠ main pairing: tattoo artist!jungkook x salon owner!reader

↠ side ships: namjin, vmin (fwb), hoseok x makeup artist!oc

↠ genre: heavy angst

↠ warnings: explicit language, mature themes, smut, light pining, jealousy, alcohol usage, light violence

↠ status: ongoing

SERIES SUMMARY:

✧ a drunken text ends with you wrapped up in the arms of your ex-boyfriend. aka the man that you dumped two years prior, after he refused to marry you. suddenly, all of the feelings that you’d seemingly had buried come rushing back up to the surface, and you’re not sure how long you can ignore them.

a/n: if you’d like to be added to the tag list, send me an ask!

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