Yesterday, Today, And Tomorrow

yesterday, today, and tomorrow

#paramoresavedme

chest pains

Each time I slip through the cracks, I wonder if its my last. The one I can't come back from. Or the one that will take a large medical bill in order to do so. I can't keep it under wraps. I get torn up inside. It's that chest pain of anxiety and despair, that makes you wish for a peaceful death right on the spot. The one that makes you think, "maybe medication can't fix this one." All of my options flash by like a slot machine. Too fast to pinpoint or describe. But I don't like any of them. And maybe if I were sane or motivated I would. But I'm not. The slot machine entrances me like an alien abduction, rendering any shred of motivation or sanity useless.

The seemingly infinite void of the future hurts to think about. But so does mortality. So I've decided life is a purgatory. Happiness? Oh, please. The complexities of the human brain are endless, just like time. And we mortals sit here and watch it pass. But at the same time it moves too fast. But also it drowns us. Purgatory. All of it, at the same time, unending, and we must navigate it. How? How is this normal? Acceptable? How do people do it? How do people walk around without thinking about death, uncertainty, being a horrible person, so on? Maybe that's just me. I'll try to ignore the chest pains.

a thousand lives

i’ve lived a thousand lives, yet loved nearly none. i’ve had a few lovers, but none have been “the one.” a hopeless romantic, it's not idyllic, it’s problematic. i fall in love with strangers that don’t fall back; they don’t even want to talk, and i wonder what it is i lack.

Turnover - Dizzy On The Comedown

& you have watered

The flower, petals gleaming

I open for you

PARAMORE MY BELOVED 🫂