While Im Here I Might As Well Spill My Life.

while i’m here I might as well spill my life.

WARNING: informal writing and babbling below. some shit might not make sense

so there’s this cute girl from my lit + humanities class thing. super cute and so incredibly smart that it’s sexy. I asked her out and we ate noodles in her dorm room. we fucked around a lil bit and we considered getting stick n pole tattoos lol. I actually have a stick n poke tattoo from my best friend in middle school (still friends til this day.)

at the time i’m posting this it’s 4/22 so 4/20 was 2 days ago. me and the girl I fucked took some edibles we got from a truck. I think i’m still a lil dazed even 2 days later. I think we fucked again lmao. before that me and some friends rolled up in some park deep in manhattan. 10/10 experience would do again.

I think imma ask that girl I was talking about to be my gf. I think that time we ate noodles on her dorm room floor really did it for me. when i’m with her I feel like a fucking cringy teenager but I am 20 so… i’m not that grown. feeling cringy is a feeling i’m trying to disassociate with. me having fun and doing what I want and making corny jokes isn’t smth I should feel so ashamed of. she makes me feel not so ashamed.

been reading some virginia woolf recently. she’s a pretty cool lesbian lol. uh idrk what else to say. so yeah.

later

THIS IS SO CUTEEE IM DYING

SKATER BOI (e-1610 miles x blk! reader)

— miles is a skater boy and u can’t tell me i’m wrong

— felt bad cause the beach fic was supposed to be up today, but instead y’all can have this

— alexa, play feels like summer by childish gambino

— ⚠️: fluff, gn black reader, miles + reader being cute, cursing

standing outside of your door, miles stood with his duffel bag over his right shoulder, and his board wedged between his right arm and torso. ever since you agreed to skate with him, even going as far as to buy your own board, he wanted to surprise you with a little date/gift he had prepared.

you opened your door to the sight of a bubbly presence and a big smile on miles face. "whatchu smiling for?" you questioned with a confused smile on your face.

"get ready, i’m taking you out. oh, and grab your board too," he stated quite matter of factly. before you could even open your mouth, he was already booking it towards the stairs to wait for you at the front of your building.

"damn… now I don’t gotta choice," you mumbled to yourself in the now empty hallway.

closing the door to your house, you changed into more appropriate clothing than the ones you had on now. that clothing consisted of a pair of baggy jeans and an even baggier t-shirt, as well as a beanie to keep your locs from flying into your face. grabbing your board along with the wallet you stuffed in your jeans, you were off downstairs to meet miles.

walking out of the building and on to the street, you turned to look at miles and asked, "so you gonna tell me what’s in the bag?"

rolling his eyes he told you that telling you what was in the bag would ruin the surprise, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

miles had a tendency for surprising you with little things. it wasn’t like he was loaded, but he figured that the little things he gave you were much more personal and meaningful than any expensive gift he could have ever given you; like his art. small photos of you along with other drawings were plastered all over your wall, curtesy of your boyfriend.

after about fifteen minutes of walking, you reached the skate park. you were met with a bunch of brooklyn kids from around your neighborhood either smoking weed, hanging out and skating with their friends, or both simultaneously.

following miles to a set of stairs with a bunch of skid marks on the rail, he set down his bag and his board and motioned for you to hand him yours.

"c’mon it’s part of the surprise," he laughed as he shook his hand out asking for the skate board.

giving him the board, you watched as he set it down wheels facing up, and he opened the duffel bag he brought with him. "of course," you thought.

in the bag was a solar system of different spray paints and paint markers to choose from. you should have known that this would be something miles would do. "you wanna paint my board?"

"I mean, kinda?" he flipped his board so the wheels were facing up alongside with mine. what you didn’t expect was a clean slate. miles board wasn’t painted like it was before, no, this was an entirely new, clean skate board.

"I want to paint your board, while you paint mine," he stated looking up at you and smiling.

"you bought a clean board for me?" you said in a high pitch voice in disbelief.

"don’t flatter yourself now, if it turns out trash i’m goin' back to the old one," he joked. you knew he was joking— miles was in love with everything you made, it was all beautiful to him.

your knees bent down next to miles, squatting with him on the concrete. you grabbed his board and rolled your eyes at his previous statement.

grabbing the screw driver, miles removed the trucks on both of your boards in preparation of painting. once he was finished, you got to work with grabbing the board and going to the other end of the stairs. when he asked why you were "leaving him all lonely" you simply replied with, "you seeing my work of art would ruin the surprise, duh.”

you grabbed the few colors you wanted to use on the board and went back to your side of the stairs. getting to work with spray painting his entire board light green, an image flooded your mind on what you wanted to do with his board.

after thirty minutes (give or take) of working, miles glanced to your side and spoke loudly, "yo, you almost done over there?"

"uh nooo— wait are you already done??" you questioned in disbelief, seeing miles dust himself off and stand up.

"yeah, all I gotta do is shine it," he shrugged his shoulder back and stretched out his arms. you sighed in disbelief at how quickly he was able to finish his freestyle painting. you could practically hear him saying, "i’m just that good" with a goofy smug look in his face.

turning back to your- or his board, you were able to get it done about 10 minutes after miles had finished spraying a clear coat on your board.

adding some finishing touches, his board was finally done. you walked back over to miles with the board flesh behind your back, with the painted side facing away from miles view.

"you ready to see my masterpiece morales?"

"your masterpiece huh?" he questioned feigning an impressed look on his face.

"mmhm, i’m pretty sure I seen this in a renaissance painting before," you said with a nonchalant shrug. miles raised an eyebrow at you.

“sooo you copied a renaissance paining?”

"nah," you whispered, leaning in closer to miles to tell him your big secret. "them renaissance niggas copied me," you said proudly pointing to your chest.

miles rolled his eyes as he backed away from you. “shut the hell up and show me the board,” he laughed.

you huffed as you brought the board into his view from behind your back. it was spray painted light green as it’s base, and what decorated the shade was a large yellow sunflower with the word "MILES" painted dark green and growing out of the sunflower like a stem. surrounding the sun flower were doodles of even more multi colored flowers and hearts.

miles nose flared as he laughed through this nose. he couldn’t help the loving smile that creeped onto his lips as he walked closer to you and grabbed the board out of your hands. he placed a chaste kiss to you lips as he mumbled, "I love it baby, thank you."

you smiled as you wrapped your arms around his neck to pull him closer to you, placing kisses all over his face. you pulled back suddenly and asked, "hmm so where’s MY board morales?"

"don’t worry I gotchu," he said as he pulled away. he walked a couple steps backwards and grabbed the board showing you the absolute masterpiece he made with nothing but his hands and his amazing brain.

it was a horizontal painting of you facing a wall, and on that wall was a collection of graffiti you had painted across brooklyn with miles throughout the years you knew each other. it looked like water color art with the way all of the light colors dripped down together at the bottom of the board.

"okay… so maybe I am a little blown away," you admitted as you looked at the board shocked. turning your head to look at miles, you gently placed the board down on the ground and you ran up to miles with the biggest smile on your face.

you basically threw yourself at him as you buried your face into his neck, mumbling a small "thank you" and "I love you."

as he squeezed you back, he mumbled into your beanie with a smirk, “so am I the best boyfriend ever or what?”

— made this super quick

— bought a skateboard last summer and barely used it

— but TRUST, this year it will be in use

storyline unlike anything i’ve ever read before

Tragedy & Balance

god!lee heeseung x muse!reader [afab]

[prev | the pantheon series ]

genre: smut

concept: pushed to his limits, heeseung arrives at his brothers' pearly gates to take what is owed to him. he knows very well what this will involve, what his brothers will try so hard to keep, but he won't be so easily swayed. at least, he didn't think so.

it turns out there is something hidden in this palace that he wants more.

w/c: 13.9k

warning: god au, religious themes, religious imagery, fire imagery, in depth discussions of death, reincarnation & souls; sexually explicit content, god fucking, body worship, vaginal sex, multiple positions, *unprotected sex, coming inside

There is a change in the air, a heavy foreboding that causes Jungwon to sit up in his bed, the blankets pooling around his waist. His goddess stirs beside him, sitting up slowly at his side. He throws the blankets back, getting dressed as quickly as he can, knowing very well what comes. His goddess blinks her soft eyes at him, watching but not moving, confusion in her expression. Once dressed, Jungwon rushes back to her side, cupping her face in his hands. 

“Do not leave this room,” he tells her with nothing but urgency. She frowns, fear starting to bleed into her expression. “Promise me.”

“I promise, I will not leave this room,” she assures him and he kisses her gently on the forehead. He leaves her side, reluctant as ever, pushing his way past the curtain.

His feet take him down from his tower, to the ground of the palace, all but running for the front hall. He can hear the echo of his brothers’ feet, all of them quickly converging on the courtyard at the front of the palace, the gates that are usually closed. He knows that when he gets there, they will not be. He knows that by the time he reaches the courtyard, it will be far, far too late for any of them. 

When they all reach the courtyard, the gates are hanging open, sparking golden and creaking in the wind. Jungwon can feel his heart in his throat, the ominous sound of them and the darkening sky causing goosebumps to arise across his flesh. 

“Heeseung’s home,” Sunoo whispers at his side. 

Regrettably, they know they have to find him and face him. And find him they do, in the grand hall, surrounded by the opulence they’ve all come to know. He’s sitting on the edge of the fountain, watching it fall from the tall spout, rolling over the edges into the pool below. Jungwon takes the lead, approaching him in front of all of them, knowing well exactly who he’s come to see. Heeseung smirks as soon as Jungwon is close, slowly lifting his gaze from the sparkling pool of water. 

His brother hasn’t changed at all, Jungwon can’t help but think, from the knowing glint in his dark eyes to the sheen of his silver hair, constantly draped in black. For all that Jungwon is the one who sent him there, he hoped that one day Heeseung would understand his decision, but he never has. Instead he sits opposite him, all of them, as though they are his enemies. Jungwon never wanted that, but it’s far too late. 

“What brings you home?” Jungwon asks. 

“You know very well what brings me home,” Heeseung says, getting off the edge of the fountain to face them, straightening himself out. He stands toe to toe with his younger brother, but Jungwon won’t back down. Not this time. “After all this time, I thought we had an understanding,” Heeseung says, faux sympathy coating his tone as he tilts his head. “I took your punishment very well, all things considered. The least you could do is continue to uphold the agreement we made. I am in charge of the balance of this world and yet you act without thought. I thought better of you, brother.” 

“It was never without thought. You can’t honest think⁠—” 

“What I honestly think of you is irrelevant,” Heeseung cuts him off. He rolls his eyes as he walks around Jungwon. Jungwon sighs heavily, turning around to keep his brother in his line of sight. He wouldn’t dare to not. “What I honestly think of any of you is irrelevant when you’ve all been acting so rashly. Impulsivity doesn’t suit any of you,” he says, his eyes running over his other brothers. Sunghoon clenches his hands while Jongseong’s jaw sets. “Well, except maybe you, Jaeyun,” he adds. Jaeyun’s eyes blaze and Heeseung laughs softly, turning around to face Jungwon again. “You know why I’m here.” 

“I know. And I’m prepared to make a deal,” Jungwon informs him. Heeseung laughs again, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“A deal? A bunch of mortals is enough for the King of the Gods to make a deal with me? What have they been putting in your offerings?” Heeseung mocks him. Jungwon glares back at him. “If you think I’m willing to make a deal based solely on the lives of six mortals, you’d be wrong.” A confused crease appears in Jungwon’s brow and Heeseung scoffs, throwing his head back. “Oh, you’ve no idea the things our brothers have done for their goddesses.” He lowers his head with a pitying gaze. “This is what you get for letting them run so wild.” He steps closer. “If I had been king, this never would’ve happened.” 

“Mother didn’t want you king,” Jongseong spits and Heeseung leans away from Jungwon, pursing his lips. “You think we’re uncontrollable? Nothing would’ve stopped you, and you know it.” 

“Because this is what we all wanted, is it?” Heeseung says, whipping around to glare at him. “The chance to throw our entire existence into question because you couldn’t control yourself?” He steps towards Jongseong. “A whole village, promised to me, and instead you promised it to her! You swore their safety, and for what?!” His eyes glow with black flames as he glares at Jongseong. “There are souls rotting in my library that should be on the river and are not. The balance of our lives is completely thrown. Her life is hardly the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what I deserve!” 

“Well, you won’t be getting it,” Jungwon says, his voice calm. Heeseung sighs, closing his eyes. “Any of them.” 

“If you’d like, we could always fight you again,” Sunghoon says and Heeseung’s eyes open, sliding to him. “You know you won’t win.” 

“I didn’t come here to be thrown into the abyss. Again,” he deadpans. “I came for what I’m owed. And if I will not have it,” he turns back to Jungwon, “an equal exchange is required.” 

“And what, pray tell, is equal in exchange?” Jungwon asks. 

“Well, that’s hardly up to me,” Heeseung replies. “After all, I’m sure to the six of you, your goddesses are priceless and perfect. I can place whatever price I want on them and it still would not equal in your eyes. And you know so well how much I value an equal exchange,” he drawls, causing Jungwon’s eyes to narrow. “So, you decide.” He closes the distance between himself and his brother who calls himself King once more. “I’ll give you… 24 hours to make a deal with me? At the end of the next 24 hours, if you all are still incapable of coming to a decision, I guess I’ll just have to take what I am owed.” Jungwon clenches his jaw and Heeseung smirks. “Think on it, brother. You’re smart, I’m sure you’ll think of something.” 

Heeseung leaves the grand hall, pushing through his other brothers, in a flutter of black and silver. Jungwon stumbles back against the fountain, gripping the edge of it as soon as Heeseung has gone. As with every interaction with his brother, he could feel the power that came off of him in waves, draining him. Were it not for all six of them working together in tandem, they never would’ve chained him to the underworld.

“What will you do?” Jongseong asks immediately, stepping forward. “You cannot give into him.” 

“It’s hardly about giving in,” Sunoo points out, causing Jongseong to turn his attention to him, though reluctant as he is. “He’s right.” Jongseong huffs, looking away from the Sun God though Sunoo looks at Jungwon imploringly. “There are mortal lives that he is owed due to the deals we made. We changed the course of history by not handing them to him. If we wish to keep the balance, we have to give him something.” 

“Would you like to give him your goddess first?” Jaeyun quips, his tone clipped. Sunoo turns to him with glowing, white eyes, barely restraining himself. Jungwon walks forward, gently touching Sunoo’s chest and his brother’s eyes slowly die back down to their amber warmth but his expression doesn’t change, nor falter from Jaeyun. 

“We cannot fight amongst each other if we want to come up with a solution,” Jungwon points out, his gaze swinging from Sunoo to Jaeyun, who looks away from Jungwon’s pointed gaze.

“What solution do we have?” Riki speaks and they all turn to their softest spoken brother. “Sunoo and I both saved our loves from death, Sunghoon and Jongseong entire villages for theirs. You and Jaeyun might be the only ones who’s goddesses didn’t cost a soul to save. What could possibly match the weight of that? You know how Heeseung is,” Riki says. He walks forward towards Jungwon, staring at him with wide, worried eyes. Jungwon’s hand falls from Sunoo’s chest with a heavy sigh. “He will weigh them, he will not just take our word. Just any deal will not appease him.” Riki shifts uncomfortably. “Heeseung will want something of value.” 

“Of all the things, we’ve indebted ourselves to our eldest brother,” Sunghoon mutters, shaking his head. “A fate worse than death.” 

To say that Heeseung didn’t know this would be a lie. He knows very well that there are very few things in this world, godly or otherwise, that will carry enough weight for what he asks for. He knows it and is quite glad to play such a game with his brothers. He knows they will flounder for a solution that does not exist, they will look for a way to weasel their way out of this exchange, this deal he’s so graciously bestowed upon them, only to come up short. He knows it and he will take great pleasure in every moment that they struggle with their own hubris. They are too prideful to admit it and he will make them watch as he takes every single one of their goddesses from them. 

In the meantime, he has no other choice but to bide his time in the palace. He could return home, the shackle of it weighs on him, reminding him that he’s not welcome here, but he refuses to let this chance pass him by. He will be a constant reminder to his brothers for the next 24 hours that their options are slim to none to save the lives of their loved ones. 

Its opulence chokes him. He can barely stand it, the way they live in such luxury while he spends his days surrounded by the gray, rushing waters of the river, forced to sit on the other side of it, watching souls come close but hardly ever do they make landing. He’s been forced to watch from afar for too long, though maybe it truly is better this way. Now he’s unsuited to this, the thin air, the sparkling white and gold of the place, everything. It’s enough to make him sick. 

When he retreats to the gardens it’s simply because he can’t stand to look at the wide expanse of white and gold before him anymore. It’s blinding and horrible, truly he does not understand how they all manage to be surrounded by such eyesores as these.. The gardens extend before him, lush and warm, almost enough to give him joy. Still, when he touches the hedges, they shrink from his fingertips, wilting and turning brown. Somehow he can’t find it in himself to be surprised, instead taking his hand away, folding them behind his back to wander around blindly. 

It’s while he’s in the garden that he hears it. The sound of singing, coming from deep within the gardens. There is something about the call of the voice from inside that draws him in. While the gardens, trees and bushes and flowers, grow thicker around him he’s forced to try and push his way through to see what is hiding inside. Despite the way the flora scrapes against his hands, retreating from his deathly touch, he does not stop. It is like he can’t stop himself as the trees encroach on him, when he sees it. Sees you. 

The river that falls down to earth from these heights lies beside you, rushing with clear water, the sound of which accompanies your voice. Heeseung thinks briefly of how sad you sound, like agony, like tragedy. He leans against the tree beside him, once he has passed the threshold of cloying flowers and shrubs, hardly giving the wilt of the bark any mind as he watches you sing, your fingers dipping into the water beside you. You’re wearing clothes of cream, a crown of flowers on your head. If he didn’t know any better, he would think you one of the goddesses his brothers have fallen so desperately for but you cannot be. Surely, none of them would’ve let you out of their sight, much less a place where he can find you so alone. 

You stop singing slowly, sighing to yourself once your voice trickles to a stop. Heeseung pushes off from the tree to approach you, knowing he walks silently, like the death that he embodies. There is something about you, the way the light hits your profile, lashing casting shadows down your cheeks from your forlorn expression. You don’t see him coming, your eyes focused on the water below you, until he’s crouched beside you. Almost as if sensing you’re no longer alone, you turn towards him. Finding him right beside you, your breath catches, jerking away from him.

“Heeseung,” you gasp. You lean away from him, trying to put space between yourself and the God of Death but Heeseung is faster, wrapping an arm around your middle. 

“Leaving so soon. When I don’t even know your name,” he teases you, a sharp smile pulling at his lips. You swallow, gripping his shoulders to try and push him off of you. “You have such a lovely voice, my dear,” he insists, holding you tightly, his other hand landing on the edge of the riverbed, keeping you imprisoned in his touch. “What could I do but come to you? What a beautiful Muse you are,” he whispers salaciously. With all your strength, you push him off of you, throwing yourself backwards. 

You land in the grass, rolling over to try and get away. Amused by your actions, Heeseung isn’t so easily deterred, dragging you back by your ankle. You yelp, pulling all the way back to him until you’re pinned beneath his body. He forces you onto your back, staring down at you. 

“How rude,” he admonishes you softly. You whimper, trapped beneath the elder god. You are hardly a goddess, just a Muse. Though you might be godly, imbued with immortality and powers, It means nothing in the face of the God of Death. He knows you cannot fight him off, forcing you to relent to him, fingers fisted in the front of his shirts as you squirm beneath him. “I know I hardly come off as approachable but to run off so quickly,” he mocks you, brushing the backs of his fingers over your cheek.

“Let me go. Jaeyun will⁠—” 

“My brother is spineless and childish, he’ll do nothing,” Heeseung hisses to you, knowingly. “Tell me your name and I’ll let you go, my dear. It is the least I deserve after such a rude display.” 

“Y-Y/N,” you stutter out and Heeseung smiles. He gets off of you, allowing you the ability to slip out from beneath him. You crawl away from him, curling into yourself once there is a bit of space between the two of you. Heeseung rolls onto his back, propped up on his elbows, looking at you. You catch your breath, avoiding his piercing gaze. 

“Well, what’re you still doing here? Shouldn’t you be running?” Heeseung goads you, making his eyes flash black and menacing. You swallow roughly around the lump in your throat. “Unless you aren’t really that scared of me,” he teases you, reaching out towards you. His fingertips brush your ankle, causing you to flinch away. “Muses, all the same. Jaeyun has always adored you, hasn’t he?” Heeseung comments. His fingertips still just barely graze your skin though you daren’t meet his gaze. You don’t see the softness in his expression. “Before his goddess, that is. Perhaps he’s grown tired of you?” He questions, bringing his gaze up from your ankle. Though you still don’t meet his gaze, he sees the way your expression drops, despondent once more like how he found you. “Is that why you’re alone? You poor, neglected thing…” he coos with faux sympathy, crawling towards you. You shuffle back, away from him, trying to curl up tighter, away from his reaching fingers. 

“Stop!” You bark, “you don’t know what you’re talking about!” Heeseung stops, falling back. “What’re you even doing here?” You finally lift your gaze to look at him. “Shouldn’t you be away, beneath the Earth, handling the dead? Isn’t that where you belong?” You remark, tone acidic. Heeseung sighs, collapsing back into the grass. You don’t miss the way it wilts beneath him, turning yellow. You watch with a sort of morbid curiosity as the God before you doesn’t even seem to notice. 

“Such a sweet, pretty thing and yet you speak with such sharp words.” He turns his head towards you, his silver hair falling into his dark eyes. You swallow, struck by how handsome he is. All your life, yours and the other Muses, you’ve heard Jaeyun spin tales of his eldest brother, how ugly he is. Perhaps it was just in personality, because you see nothing but beauty in his face. His gaze meets yours steadily behind the curtain of his hair. “Where I belong is such a harsh thing to say to me, don’t you think?” 

“It’s where you were sent,” you remind him, though your tone isn’t as hard as it was previously. “Where your brothers imprisoned you.” 

“A great many eons ago,” he confirms. “But I’m more powerful than them. Their gates are not indestructible, I am more than capable of coming to see them. Not forever,” he lets his head fall back against the ground once more, staring back up towards the sky, “but for short whiles. I’m sorry that my brother managed to leave that out.” 

“What brings you here now?” You can’t help but wonders, your own curiosities getting the better of you.

“I am owed something,” Heeseung admits to you. You tilt your head, not understanding. Heeseung smiles and then turns to you again, but his smile is hardly kind. “Not that it’s any of your concern, Muse. The tragedy of my life is hardly something for you to worry your pretty self with.” He rolls over to climb to his feet and you flinch away from him as he stands, brushing himself off. “I meant what I said,” he tells you, looking down at you. “Your voice is very beautiful.” You can’t help but be struck by the way he says it, almost kindly.

“Thank you,” you whisper. He departs shortly, leaving you alone. You curl your legs even closer to yourself, wrapping your arms around them. You can’t help the way your eyes follow him as he walks out, slipping between the trees until he disappears from view. 

On the other side of the garden, Heeseung pauses. He leans back against the trees, listening out for your voice. It doesn’t return though it echoes through his mind. When he lets his head drop back against the tree, he smiles softly to himself. Perhaps, just maybe, he was a bit hasty in his convictions. 

24 hours is hardly any time at all, they all know this, and by the time Sunoo is forced to raise the sun in the morning again, they’ve all talked themselves to death. The knowledge of what comes weighs heavily on their minds, as they know Heeseung will make the decision for them. They won’t simply allow it, they’ll sooner throw Heeseung back to his abyss than let him simply think he can take whatever he wants, but they all knew that this price might come. Even if they deny him, he will demand something of great value if not the souls he’s unable to attain. 

The sun has risen above the horizon when Heeseung lets himself back into the grand hall, a grin upon his face. Never has Jongseong felt such a strong urge to throw his brother back into the abyss from whence he came than by that look of utter satisfaction that is written across his expression. He stands before Heeseung can get too close, blocking him from getting closer to Jungwon. 

“Oh, are we fighting already, Jongseong? I knew you might grow tired of me but so soon?” Heeseung mocks him. 

“Your greed will be your downfall,” Jongseong warns him. Heeseung laughs in amusement. 

“Greed? I have greed because you are the one who made an agreement without giving it thought. I’m greedy because I am fulfilling the role that which you so graciously bestowed upon me, by the way,” he points out, causing Jongseong’s expression to tighten, “all those eons ago. If you would like me to step down from weighing the souls of mortals so that someone else may do it, I would gladly, but they must be weighed.” Heeseung leans towards him, his expression turning dark. “Everything must be in balance. I believe you were the one who insisted upon it.” 

“Tell us what you want,” Jungwon says, hopeful to avoid bloodshed. Heeseung leans away from Jongseong, stepping around his seething brother to approach where Jungwon remains seated. “Surely you know that we have nothing to offer you.” Heeseung smirks, clearly having expected such an admission. His other brothers won’t even look at him. “So name your price. Just know that it will not be their souls.” 

“That is what I asked for,” Heeseung reminds him and Jungwon glares up at him. “Theirs and all the mortals that you made the mistake of letting live. Those souls are crowding my shelves, I haven’t the room for the mistakes you have allowed to happen,” he insists, leaning menacingly towards his brother. “Prepared to make a deal with me, little brother? You are hardly meant to be king.” 

“Would you like to be thrown back into the river once more?” Sunghoon says, jumping to his feet. Heeseung looks to him, lifting a brow. “We may have made our mistakes, but you are hardly the God Jungwon is. Mother insisted upon your disposal, you should thank him for your life.” 

“Thank him, for an eternity of solitude?” He says, straightening up to face Sunghoon. “Well, let me drop to my knees!” Heeseung snarls. “How dare I expect to be treated as equal with you, at the very least? Without me, this world would’ve destroyed itself already. You should be thanking me!” He demands, eyes blazing. 

“Make your choice,” Jungwon demands, getting to his feet. Heeseung turns back to him and Jungwon’s eyes crackle with lightning. “But know that it will not be them. You may take the souls you so desire if that is really what you want. Let it consume you, your need for balance, but you will not have the goddesses.”

The blazing fire in Heeseung’s eyes extinguishes and he smirks. 

“You will do anything. Truly, it is almost admirable. Almost… romantic,” he comments, and Jungwon’s eyes become brown once more, surprised by his eldest brother’s tone, his consideration. “Let me offer you a deal then, brother,” Heeseung says, smirking. Jungwon’s brow creases in confusion, shifting slightly away, concerned for what Heeseung might propose. “The weight of a few mortals is far from that of a goddesses’ soul and we all know it. Especially six of them. However, I might be amenable to an exchange of another goddess.” 

“Whom do you ask for?” Jungwon asks. 

“Y/N,” Heeseung says, a smile on his lips. “Tragedy.” 

“You are shameless!” Jaeyun insists, getting to his feet. Jungwon glances away though and Heeseung knows Jungwon is considering it. “To take a goddess for another is low, even for you, brother. What makes you think⁠—” 

“I think,” Heeseung cuts him off, cutting him a look, “that the price of a lesser goddess is well worth it to you. After all, how much attention do those Muses even get with your adoration of yours?” He mocks him and Jaeyun clenches his fists at his sides. “Offer me thanks, Jaeyun, I am taking one off of your hands. You will have so much more time to waste in the arms of your lover.” 

“Why you⁠—” Jaeyun says, stepping towards him. Sunoo pulls on his wrist to stop him from advancing further on Heeseung.

“I cannot give her to you outright,” Jungwon says and Heeseung’s gaze swings to him. “She is a goddess, her soul has never been bound to the Earth. She must give it to you of her own volition. You must get her to agree,” Jungwon warns him and Heeseung nods, accepting the terms. He knows very well, after all. “However, if you manage it, she will be yours. You may have her as recompense.” 

“Jungwon,” Riki hisses but Jungwon won’t meet any of their eyes. 

“I knew you could be reasonable, Jungwon,” Heeseung says with a grin. “After all, you’re saving so many souls this way,” he mocks him, Jungwon closing his eyes against the guilt that eats at him. Heeseung then turns to Jaeyun, who is still burning with rage. “Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of her.” He turns on his heel, leaving them. Only once he’s left the room does Sunoo finally let go of Jaeyun, who turns to Jungwon. 

“Do you know the things he might do to her?!” Jaeyun points out. “Heeseung will manipulate her, she will agree. Once she gives him her word, she’ll be trapped down there, his to own. How could you⁠—” 

“I did what I had to,” Jungwon finally says, voice soft. “I am hardly proud of it. So you best remember the choices we’ve been forced to make when you lie with your lovers tonight.” 

“It’s like you’ve not even left,” Heeseung says, startling you. You thought for sure that he would’ve left by now, but he edges through the trees and bushes to approach you, your eyes darting between him and the way the nature seems to shrink away from his touch, turning yellow and brown when he brushes against it only to turn green and lush once he passes it. It saddens you, though not for the reasons one might expect. Your eyes land on him when he gets to you, kneeling beside you on the ground. “Perhaps I’m just lucky.” 

“Why’re you still here?” You ask and he laughs softly. 

“Blunt, aren’t you?” Heeseung asks and you shrug, looking away from him, your fingertips dipped into the river. He leans towards you, almost touching you as he watches the river rush past your fingertips. “So strange,” he whispers and you resist the urge to jump at how close his voice is, “seeing water such as this. I’m not particularly familiar with water so clear you can see the bottom.” 

“The Sanzu must be very different to this,” you whisper and Heeseung’s eyes focus on you instead of the river. 

“It is,” he whispers. His hand touches your waist gently. He watches you shiver but you don’t look at him. “The waters are so deep and fast, nearly uncrossable in most places. I watch souls attempt to cross through its snake infested waters all the time. Watch as they’re dragged beneath the waves.” A chill creeps over your body. “But most are afforded the bridge. The ones that are allowed the ford, they are few and far between.” 

“Can a river like that truly have a ford?” You ask, turning to look at him. You jerk back, surprised to see him so close. 

“The Sanzu is unlike anything you’ve ever seen. Trust me, you’d be amazed by it,” Heeseung tells you, lifting his free hand to your cheek, tucking your hair behind your ear. “I think it’s rather unfortunate you’ve never seen it. Given that you are tragedy after all.” You hold your breath, trying to remain unaffected but he can see the surprise in your eyes. “Did you think I wouldn’t find out? There are so few who understand sadness and agony like me, after all. Maybe that’s why I was drawn to your voice,” his fingers brush over the roundness of your cheek. 

“What do you want?” You ask, trying to swallow down your fear. You know the whispers, what people say about Heeseung, that he is more than just a God of Death. He knows very well what he is, what kind of powers he possesses. It cannot be a coincidence that he might come back to you, speaking to you with such kindness. Not after he trapped you beneath him, forcing your compliance. 

“I should’ve figured you would see right through me,” Heeseung sighs. “I have a proposition for you, pretty. A deal that you might… be willing to take, if you’re as kind as I believe you to be.” You watch him and his eyes meet yours slowly. “You see, I was owed something, something that brought me here. That something was a few very precious souls that my brothers… well, they’d do just about anything to avoid giving them to me.” 

“Who do they belong to?” You whisper. 

“Their goddesses,” Heeseung tells you and your eyes widen in surprise. “Before they were brought here, they were just mortals. Simple, and unknowing. And I’m sure you’re well aware that souls of mortals belong to me. All of them.” You nod, hesitantly. “Well, I simply came to collect. Everyone dies, it’s my job to make sure of it.” 

“What does this have to do with me?” You ask. He smiles softly, cupping your cheek in hand. 

“My brothers and I came to an understanding regarding these souls, but you have to understand, everything comes with a price,” he tells you. “And this price, is you.” 

“Me?” You gasp. “Why me?” 

“Are you not tragedy, my dear?” Heeseung asks you, stroking his thumb over your cheek. “Are you not the one thing in this whole wretched world that might understand me?” He pulls you closer, pressing your chest against his, taking your breath with it. “Death is my life, and it’s such a terribly lonely existence. You understand, don’t you?” You look into his eyes, shrouded slightly by his silver hair, dark brown and staring so intently you feel as though you can feel it in your soul. “Surely you do. While the rest of the muses experience the joy of things like poetry and prose and song you continue to be cursed by the agony of it all. Happiness is but a fleeting dream when the only call you are allowed to answer is that of death and disaster.” 

Unfortunately, he’s right. You’ve never minded too much, but even you know that you’re far from Jaeyun’s favorite, from anyone’s favorite. You’ve always known you’re barely departed from the God of Death, drawn here to the heavens but brought down to earth to see the saddest parts of humanity. You’ve never been to the river but you’ve seen the souls that depart for it, never to be seen again. It haunts you, and you’re all the more lonely for it. 

Could Heeseung truly be just as so?

“Do you see?” He asks, words whispered to you. “The only thing I ask is you, in exchange for all the rest of them. You would be saving them, and me,” he coos. You look into his eyes, expression softened, almost pained. Your heart aches in sympathy and you touch his cheek gently. His eyes flutter softly when you touch him, leaning his head into your palm. Despite his godliness, he does not emanate warmth like the others, as human as the ones you’ve seen below. Truly he is othered by his brothers, he must be. 

“What would I have to do?” You ask and Heeseung smiles. He knew you wouldn’t refuse. 

“Give me your word,” he tells you. “And become mine.” 

“I will,” you agree. 

“I was so hoping you would understand,” he coos, bringing his hand down from your face to your chest. His fingers move aside the v of your neckline, revealing the center of your chest to him. You go to flinch back but he holds fast to your waist, not letting you move an inch. “Oh, no, pretty, you misunderstand,” he whispers. “You gave me your word. You belong to me.” His eyes blaze with black flames as his fingers touch your bare skin and you gasp through the pain that rips through you. 

It’s like you’ve been engulfed by flames, licking at your skin, melting you down to the bones. Your hand falls from his face to grip at his arms desperately as he smirks, watching your wide eyes stare into his. 

“Hurts,” you whisper, the only word you can get out through the unbearable pain and he coos again, but this time he mocks you with it. You feel as though you have never been more foolish in your immortal life. 

“I’m sure it does,” he hisses, staring intently into your eyes.

Your eyes roll back into your head, gasping through the pain that rocks through your body, agony like you’ve never felt it before. Your fingers dig into his forearms, your head thrown back as you try not to scream. Darkness starts to take over your vision as you succumb to the horrendous pain, collapsing in Heeseung’s arms. 

When you wake, you wake alone. You throw yourself upright in bed, the blankets of pitch black gathering around your waist as you gasp for air. The air is thick and heavy in your lungs, an ache in the middle of your chest making it hard for you to get a full breath in. You reach down for the front of your dress, pulling the folds of the fabric open to see what he’s done. With a trembling hand you touch the scarred words into your skin, his name burned into your flesh. 

Lee Heeseung is written across your skin, and you resist the urge to sob. You press your fingers against the smarting wounds, knowing there’s nothing else you can do. It’s too late. He’s taken you. 

When you finally drag yourself from the blankets, you stagger across the cold stone beneath your feet, trying to find your way out of the bedroom that you’re in. The furnishings are all made of wood and stone and decorated in black and silver. It’s dim, lit only by a few sconces on the walls, kerosene lamps lighting your way. You try to get out as quickly as you can, pushing your way out the sliding wood door, stumbling into the hallway. 

Wherever you are, it’s freezing cold, the thin dress you wear far from enough to keep you warm. You have to wrap your arms around yourself as you walk down the cavernous halls, high ceilings of gray stone above your head, the walls all lined with kerosene lamps. It’s dim, the air heavy as you try to make your way towards something. Towards anything at all, just to figure out where you are. 

Every door you try to open is locked, refusing to budge even when you pull on their flimsy, wooden frames. You try every door along the long hallway, hopeful to find someone, anyone who might be able to help you. You know you belong to Heeseung but you can’t stand the idea of it, being left alone in his room, helpless. You just keep trying doors, desperately hoping someone might be inside one of them or, at the very least, one of them will be open so that you can hide from him in peace. 

You get to the end of the hall, only to realize that you’re at the end of the line. The walls of the hallway fall away and you’re standing at the edge of a river, a great rushing river of gray water, running past you never-endingly. In both directions, the river stretches out so far it eventually turns into nothing but fog, extending out for what must be an eternity. You don’t need to be told what it is, you know what river you’re looking at. Before you, in the middle of the path, there is a bridge, arching upwards, a steep climb from where you stand. You try to catch your breath but the roaring water is too much, the air humid. You’re standing on unsteady legs, unfamiliar with the stone beneath your feet, which causes you to sway dangerously towards the edge of the river as you try to get a full breath in. 

A hand around your arm pulls you back, throwing you into the chest of the person that tugs you from the edge. You let go of yourself to touch the person that grabbed you, using them to stay upright. They let go of you as soon as you do though and you fall heavily to the stone flooring, right on your backside. When you lift your gaze, Heeseung is staring down at you. 

“Do you know what would’ve happened to you if you had fallen in?” He tells you, glaring down at you. “I never would’ve been able to get you out. Souls that fall into the river's waters don’t come out. Don’t get so close, even I can’t save you.” 

“Well, considering I woke up lost and alone, I don’t know what you expected!” You retort, getting back to your feet. Heeseung surveys you critically, watching you struggle to your feet. “Where have you even been? After all that nonsense you gave me at the palace⁠—” 

“I had to get you to agree somehow,” he interrupts you and you scoff, shaking your head. 

“I am a fool. I thought you had a heart, but clearly you’re as empty and hollow as Jaeyun has always said you are,” you accuse him, making Heeseung’s eyes blaze. “If the only thing you ever wanted in exchange for the others was my soul, then go on! Take it! It’s clearly the only thing you care about!” You insist, leaning towards him.

Heeseung’s fingers are suddenly pressing painfully into your chest, right above where his name has been written into your skin. He presses them in hard enough to ache, and it feels like something is stealing your breath right from you. Heeseung watches you with dark eyes full of black fire as you gasp for air, his fingers moving slowly up your chest, towards your throat. It’s choking you, something wet and thick rising up within you. Not your throat, not your windpipe, something deeper, intangible, as his index and middle fingers trace their way up your skin. 

It rises up your neck, until it’s in the back of your throat, your mouth, hot and wet and pulsing. Your hands wrap around your throat, still you can’t breathe until you’re forced to open your mouth as Heeseung’s fingers trace up underneath your jaw and chin. When it pours out of you, you’re shocked to see a glowing ball of liquid, silver like mercury floating between you above his fingers. 

“Silver. I expected gold,” Heeseung says. You still cannot breath, choking on nothing, like all the air has been sucked right out of your lungs. A bottle materializes out of thin air, which Heeseung pours the liquid into and then magicks a chain around. With a snap of his fingers, the bottle is hung around your throat and you can breathe again. You look down at the small bottle that hangs from your throat, lifting it gently in your fingertips. “You should be more careful with what you say,” he advises.

“What is this?” You ask, turning the bottle over in your fingertips. 

“Your soul,” Heeseung says and your eyes dart up to him. Your hand lets go of it, the bottle bouncing off your collarbones. “Did you forget who I am in such a short, short time period.” He leans towards you menacingly. “If you’d really like me to take it, I can. Oh, I can and I’ll pour it right into the river where it will never be seen again.” You stare at him through wide eyes, Heeseung smirking at you. “I’m showing you kindness by keeping you alive. Perhaps you should think about that.” 

“What about the others?” You ask. “You said my soul⁠—” 

“It will suffice,” Heeseung says boredly, leaning back and crossing his arms over his chest. “For the souls that I desire, even one made of silver is worth plenty. Come with me, I’ll show you what you’re worth.” He tells you, turning to walk away. You hesitate, glancing back at the river. You stare at its gray, rushing waters, swallowing through the fear that threatens to rise through you like your soul previously did. You still ache, but you have no one else to be with other than him. When you look back over Heeseung is standing at the mouth of the hall, leaning against it with a raised brow. You walk over to follow him, Heeseung pushing off to lead you back into the cavern of the underworld. 

You discover you ran the wrong way when Heeseung leads you so far inside, past all the previous doors you tried to force open, until you pass the door of the bedroom you ran out of.  Strangely, it doesn’t look any different from the other doors that line the walls, small and unassuming. Not far past it the two of you end up at a pair of great, double doors. Heeseung pushes them open, stepping inside with confidence. You follow him, only to stop in the doorway. 

Before you is a great room of shelves, all of them lined with bottle upon bottle of liquids. Some of them shine with bright colors, glittery and beckoning, some of them dark, dull and swirling, but many are just gray. They look as though they carry the water of the river inside of them, swishing and churning inside of their bottles. The shelves go on for what feels like forever, rising up towards the high ceiling, wrapping around the massive room. Heeseung pays you no mind, moving to a table that sits in the middle of the massive room. Most of the flooring is draped with carpets and seating, couches and chairs, tables and sitting areas. But in the middle of it, there is a table, covered with a cloth of black that is trimmed in silver, a pewter scale sitting on it. 

“Don’t just stand in the doorway all day,” Heeseung says, moving around the bottles that are on the table already. You look over to him, noticing the way he separates them all into pairs. You walk over to him to watch him move, his brow creasing as though he’s working on a particularly difficult puzzle. You stand beside him, tilting your head as he finally picks two of them up. 

“What’re you doing?” You ask and Heeseung lifts one into your line of sight. It is gray, as most of them are, swirling inside of its bottle. 

“Mortal souls have weight,” Heeseung informs you and you nod in understanding. “Pay attention.” You nod again and he places one on one side of the scale. The scale drops and then he carefully places the second one, darker and duller than the other, onto the other side. The scale struggles to balance them, the darker of the two clearly heavier than the first. It weighs it down, leaving it uneven. “All things in balance,” Heeseung says, plucking the gray bottle from the scale and replacing it with another.

You watch as he readjusts, putting a different, equally as gray liquid filled bottle onto the scale. This time, the scale readjusts, and the two sides sit evenly with each other. Heeseung smiles to himself, picking them both up. You watch as he carelessly throws the both of them, your heart jumping into your throat. They shatter in midair, but nothing spills to the floor. It all seems to disappear from existence, both bottles gone before your very eyes. 

“What did you do that for?” You ask and Heeseung turns to you. 

“It was their time,” Heeseung tells you. “All the bottles that you see on this table, are well due for their death.” He nods to it and you look over to the way the table is absolutely littered with bottles. Every single one of them must represent a mortal soul. Which means…

“All of these bottles…” You begin, slowly turning to look at him, “are souls?” Heeseung nods in agreement. “So… the souls I’m worth…?” 

“They’re… still on their shelves,” Heeseung sighs, rolling his eyes. “Without indication of their time, I haven’t been able to take them down, but you see now, don’t you?” He asks and you tilt your head. He huffs at you. “Your worth, Muse. Your soul is well worth at least 20 or 30 of these simple mortals.” He gestures to the table as whole, which looks as though it’s holding at least that many. “Your soul would tip the scale. Everything in balance,” Heeseung reiterates. “That is what I do. That is my purpose.” 

“That is why you⁠…” you trail off but something occurs to you. “But I couldn’t possibly weigh the same as a full fledged goddess.” 

“No, you are inconsequential to the weight of a goddess. You will never measure up,” Heeseung sighs. “Unfortunately, I have no grasp of them anymore.” He turns around and you follow his gaze towards the back of the room. He walks towards it and you follow close behind, the case before you becoming clear as you get close enough. 

Inside of a glass case, there are bottles, sealed with golden wax on their stoppers, swirling, glittering and effervescent. You watch the colors of them swirl inside of their bottles. Gold, and navy, and red, and white, and blue and purple. Your breath catches when you realize what you are looking at. You turn to Heeseung but he is already looking at you. 

“I know not how it happened, but now every single one of my brothers is accompanied by a bottle.” A pair of gold bottles sits at the front but the rest of them are aligned with a bottle of the exact same matching color and shade. You watch them swirl and dance inside of their glass prisons, like the embodiment of joy. “I couldn’t have taken them if I tried,” he turns to look into the glass case with you. “It would’ve ruined everything. There is nothing in this world, in the entire cosmos, that would match the weight of their goddesses except for them.” 

“So you would’ve⁠—” 

“My brothers hate me,” Heeseung says, “but I still love them. I couldn’t take their lives even if I wanted to.” 

“Then why threaten them?” You ask. “Clearly, you couldn’t have them. Those goddesses aren’t yours to take. Why did you⁠—” 

“Why do they get to be happy?” Heeseung cuts you off, turning to you with a tense expression, his tone exploding out of him like he can barely hold it in. You jerk back, surprised. “Why do they get lovers while I’m left down here, alone? I may not have been able to kill them, but I have many empty rooms. Would I have taken them prisoner? Perhaps. Would I have found a way to keep them away from my brothers? Found a way to force my brothers to their knees just for what they crave most in the entire universe?” He shrugs. “Perhaps. After all they’ve done to me, would it have really been so bad?” 

“You’re… diabolical. Evil. And self centered and greedy and⁠—” 

“If you think you’re going to hurt my feelings, think again,” Heeseung tells you.  “There is not a thing under Sunoo’s shining rays that I have not been called by my very family.” He leans towards you. “I am not afraid of you, Muse. But don’t forget,” he tucks his finger under your chin, tilting your head up towards his. “When I could’ve taken them, I took you. I’m not truly as horrible as you think I am.” 

“Then why take me?” 

“Not everything I told you was a lie.” He leans back, letting his hand drop away from your face. “Now you’re more than welcome to stay, but there’s not much else to be seen,” Heeseung tells you. He walks back to his table, still strewn with bottles, carefully organizing them with gentle hands. “Also, every room is yours to choose from.” He waves a hand carelessly but you’re sure all the rooms in his large home have been unlocked. “Unless you can’t stand to depart from my bed,” he comments, looking at you from over his shoulder. You scoff, walking past him and out the doors. Heeseung waves a hand and you startle as the doors are suddenly slammed shut behind you. 

For all that Heeseung took you, you spend an inordinate amount of time alone. It’s almost as if you never left the heavens, the only difference being that instead of lush green gardens and sparkling marble towers, it’s nothing but desolate gray stone and cavernous rooms and ceilings. You may have your pick of rooms, but none of them are truly that welcoming. Nothing in this place seems to be much other than a means to an end, a resting place for Heeseung to lay his head and do his work. Everything else is far, far from what one might consider homey. 

You spend days wandering the halls, of which you discovered there are many, this lair seeming to be a gigantic labyrinthian maze the longer you walk around it. The doors you tried before are all unlocked, some of which belong to rooms while others lead deeper and deeper into this rockface you seem to be living on the edge of. You’re shocked when you can find your way back to the places you started, though you’re starting to think that’s the way of this place. What would Heeseung get by letting you get lost down here anyway? 

The main hall is the only place where you see him though, but hardly does he seem to be doing anything other than what he apparently busies himself with at all hours. If he’s not in his library of souls he’s in his bedroom, presumably resting, and vice versa. He hardly pays you any mind, even when he walks right past you, the drape of his black cloak fluttering around him as he walks around, always his mind on something it appears. 

You can understand what a lonely existence this must be, always being forced to do what is necessary of you, hardly ever having the time for anyone else. Not that it seems that anyone else seems to care about Heeseung, with the way he regards the world and its other Gods with such coldness. Even if you wanted to, you don’t know that you would know how to break through that icy exterior. 

But you find yourself lonely too, retreating to your bedroom most days, or sometimes the edge of the river. You can’t help but be curious about it, watching the gray waters rush past. You don’t see souls approach the stone landing you sit on, legs pulled up into your body, your knees against your chest. Even though you thought for sure that you must, at least one or two of them, none of them seem to be able to make it over the top of the bridge and to you. Strange, isn’t that the meaning of the bridge?

“What’re you doing?” Heeseung asks, finding you on one such day you find yourself thinking about it. You don’t look at him though you know he looks at you with thinly veiled disdain. He always does. 

“Aren’t souls supposed to cross the bridge?” You ask him. Heeseung sighs, looking over at where you’re staring at the wooden bridge before the two of you. “Why don’t they?” 

“Souls are on the bridge, but hardly ever do they actually cross it,” Heeseung informs you. You lift your gaze from the bridge to look at him. “The Sanzu is not a destination, it is a journey. Souls are supposed to make their way across it, it’s what they’re meant to do.” He looks down at you, into your wondering eyes. He tsks softly. “So little you understand. Are all gods like this?” He questions and you look away from him, embarrassed. “If my brothers are going to fill your heads with stories, the least they could do is get them right. Honestly…” 

“I know you don’t care for kindness, but would it really bring you so much harm to speak with any sort of understanding,” you admonish him, getting to your feet. Heeseung sighs at you yet again. “It’s no wonder your brothers can’t stand you when all you do is belittle them and act as though everyone is so beneath you. You may be powerful, but what use is the power you have when you’re forced to live a life of loneliness and solitude as a result of it?” Heeseung’s eyes don’t stray from yours and you scoff. You go to walk past him, but Heeseung grabs you by the wrist. 

“Do you want to see the bridge?” He asks and you stop in your tracks. “I can show it to you. But you must not let go of me. It’s the only thing I require.” 

“What would be the point?” You ask, glancing over your shoulder at him. Heeseung moves to your side, letting his hand slide down from your wrist to thread his fingers through yours instead.

“You want to know why souls don’t make it to the other side,” he says, standing at your side. Slowly you turn to face him, Heeseung lifting a brow at you. “Don’t you?” 

Rather reluctantly, you agree, and Heeseung pulls you over towards the bridge. The wooden bridge is hooked onto the stone landing, surrounded by the rushing of gray water. Heeseung steps onto it, guiding you along behind him. You hesitate at the edge though, staying on the stone. Heeseung is stopped when you remain immobile and looks back at you, expectantly. You look back at him, apprehensively. Heeseung huffs and stands at the end of the bridge, still holding onto your hand. 

“Don’t let go,” he tells you and you nod. You step onto the bridge behind him. 

The feeling of being on the bridge is immediate, reminding you that you’re stepping onto a literal liminal space. The boundary between the earth and the afterlife surrounds you and you grip even tighter to Heeseung’s hand, though he doesn’t seem as perturbed by it. Perhaps he’s just used to it, he’s not bothered by the crushing feeling of being somewhere he shouldn’t be. Then again, maybe this is where he was always supposed to be. After all, he is shackled to this afterlife, his brothers once threw him into the abyss beyond the river, forcing him to guard it. Maybe this is just who he is now. 

You walk alongside him for a long time, longer than you think is fathomable, the wooden planks and high railings of the bridge on either side of you your only company other than the god you cling to. You daren’t let go of him, not when that was the only thing he required of you. You clutch his hand like a child to their mothers, resisting the urge to lean into him. 

Eventually, you start to see them. Your eyes widen when you see people, half formed and beginning to fade out of existence. Heeseung glances at you and then walks right down the middle of the bridge, the souls surrounding you moving around the two of you. They don’t seem to be seeing you, however, walking forward almost trance-like, like it’s the only thing they know how to do. 

“These are the souls you wanted to see, aren’t they?” Heeseung says. He stops and turns to you, forcing you to do the same. “This is the middle of the bridge. We’ve already made it there. Once we cross this line, the souls will start to take on a more solid appearance. Some may even know their names or their families or some of their memories. The further we get from where we began, the more these souls will know of themselves.” 

“Is that why they never make it to the end?” You ask. 

“They’re not meant to,” Heeseung tells you. You stare at him in surprise. “Souls that make it across are souls that have expired. They’ll never be reborn again. Souls that don’t will be reborn. They’ll reincarnate, into another. Usually another person, if they’re on the bridge, but not always. Souls of exceptional depth and weight will be reborn as animals or insects, a way for them to lighten their load and try to become human again.” 

“So… almost all souls are reborn?” 

“Of course,” Heeseung tells you as though it’s obvious. “Why do you think it is so important that I maintain the balance?” 

It all starts to come together in your mind. Balanced souls are reborn, they are brought back around to the next life, and if they are not taken at their time, they cannot be reborn. Every soul must be weighed, they are taken in pairs. If they are not equal, they cannot be taken. His brothers… by making those deals… they completely threw the order of the world. So many souls that should’ve been taken, they are still walking. So many lives that should’ve been weighed and reborn, following the proper cycle of all things. You are the exchange, you cannot be killed, or reborn, you can be equal to souls that are both alive and dead. Everything must be in balance. 

“I could either have taken those lives, or I could’ve taken something that is the same. Do you see?” Heeseung asks and you look at him in wonder. “I’m not so cruel.” 

“Is death not cruel?” You ask. Heeseung’s expression softens. It’s both unimaginably sad and understanding. He touches your cheek gently. 

“Death might seem cruel, that is the state of things, but it is necessary,” he tells you. You blink up at him. “I didn’t understand either when my brothers forced me to do this, but I see now. As lonely as this existence is, I know that none of them could’ve been able to do this. I know that none of them would’ve been able to shoulder the weight of so much tragedy. Do I resent them for forcing it upon me? Of course I do. That does not mean I don’t see why it is necessary I do such a thing.” 

“Do you…” Heeseung tilts his head at you. “Your soul? What does it weigh?” 

“Nothing,” he tells you. “I can show you.” 

The world melts away around you, only for it to rebuild itself into the shape of the room you found yourself in when you first arrived. You’re shocked by the feeling of stone instead of wood beneath your feet. You look around in shock when you can feel the heat of his kerosene lamps, fending off the chill of the stone. Heeseung’s hand drops away from your face and his hand leaves yours as he steps away from you. 

He goes to a shelf along the wall, picking up a bottle. He brings it to you, holding it out to you. You look at it, shocked by what is inside. Or rather, what is not. 

Something gaseous and black swirls around inside, like it’s fighting to get out. You watch for a moment, then reach a hand out to touch it. Before you can, Heeseung lets go of it and you watch in horror as it falls, smashing to the floor. 

The glass shatters and then dissolves into nothing. Your eyes dart up to Heeseung’s face, watching a shiver rush through him, Heeseung trembling like a swift chill just ran down his spine. He meets your eyes again and smirks. 

“Neat trick, isn’t it?” He says and you stare at him in shock. He looks at the shelf once more and there it sits, like he never picked it up, black gas moving restlessly around inside of it. “I’ve tried to break it a great many times, but you see, it’s useless. I’m chained to his plane, this damned world. It doesn’t matter what I do, I can’t die. I’m not allowed.” 

“But what does it weigh?” 

“Nothing,” Heeseung sighs. He looks at you. “It weighs nothing at all. I assure you.” 

“Have you tried?” You ask and Heeseung’s brow creases. “Against something. Anything? Surely it has to weigh something. Surely⁠—” 

“Did you listen to a thing I’ve told you since you arrived here?” Heeseung asks, his tone going tight and angry. “All souls are to be taken in balance. Every one of them. If my soul was meant to be taken, that would mean it would have to weigh the same as another. I can’t die so it can’t be weighed against anything else. There is nothing that will match its weight.” 

“How can you be so sure?” You retort and Heeseung huffs, smirking at your naivety, rolling his eyes. “Have you tried everything? What about…” your eyes dart around in thought while Heeseung stares at you in thinly veiled amusement. You are dumber than he thought, he’s sure. He waits, watching as your eyes alight, meeting his eyes. “What about mine?” 

“Yours?” He laughs. “Your soul? You think a godly soul could ever align in weight with mine?” He goes back and picks his bottle up off the shelf again, smirking at you. “Let’s see then, shall we?” he asks, pushing past you and out into the hall. 

You follow after him, Heeseung leading you back to the library. He doesn’t pay any attention to the bottles on the table, standing behind the scale yet again. You move to his side, waiting to see but he doesn’t place his bottle down first. Instead, he reaches out and closes his fingers around the bottle tied around your neck, breaking the silver chain it hangs from. You gasp, but in his hands, your breath doesn’t stop. Heeseung smirks at you as the silver chain around it dissolves, leaving just the stoppered bottle. 

“Let’s see your weight, Muse,” he comments, extending his hand to drop it on the scale. It tips dramatically, the plate your soul is sitting on almost touching the table top. “As I suspected,” Heeseung says, still looking at you, not even having glanced at the scale. “The value of your soul is unimaginable. Mine, however,” he says, lifting his own, nearly empty and lighter than air, “is nothing at all.” 

He places it on the opposite plate and turns to look, fully expecting it to not move at all. He knows what he weighs, he’s weighed his soul more than he can even say, watching as the scale tips up and up and up, forcing his soul to rise above all else. There’s no way he could ever⁠—

“They’re even,” you say and Heeseung’s eyes widen in shock as the two plates come together, sitting at an even keel. His soul sinks down to sit evenly with yours, despite the impossibility of it all. His heart feels like it’s being squeezed in his chest, his breath tight, watching with bated breath as they finally stop bobbing up and down, beside one another. 

“No,” Heeseung whispers. “That’s impossible.” 

“Clearly not,” you speak and his head turns slowly to look at you. Surely you still don’t understand what this means because you look at him without shock, clearly thinking you have bested him. His heart is racing in his chest, his mind is spiraling, he can’t imagine it. He can’t, not after everything, all this time. This is a mistake, it has to be, but still he moves towards you. You let him even when his fingers curl around your cheek.

“What are you?” He whispers softly, vehemently, looking you up and down as though he’s seeing you for the first time. Apprehension begins to paint your expression as you see the wild look in his eyes as he tries to figure you out. “What, in the cosmos, could you possibly be?” His words come out almost reverent, his other hand coming up to touch you, but instead it hovers over the curves of your body, like he can’t fathom your very existence.

“I don’t… know what you mean,” you finally speak again and Heeseung’s gaze finally focuses on your face again. 

“You are so much more than a Muse,” he says, bringing his other hand up so that he may cradle your face between his hands. “You must be. You have to be.” You stare up at him, trying to read the wild look in his eyes, but it all disappears when they’re suddenly flaring to live with black flames. “Impossible,” he breathes. 

His mouth descends upon yours like a storm, like a wildfire, his mouth taking yours in a kiss so world stopping, mind numbing you’re forced to clutch his wrists to keep upright. Your legs feel like they’re going to give out underneath you. Heeseung kisses you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do, letting go of your face just to wrap his arms around your waist, pulling you up against him. You’re forced to let go of his wrists, instead finding the sides of his neck, digging your fingers in when he forces his tongue further into your mouth, hands bunching up the fabric of your dress. 

You’re surprised when you’re suddenly being forced up against the edge of the table, Heeseung’s hands grabbing at your body, lifting you onto the edge of it. The entire table shakes, bottles clatter against one another as you’re perched on the edge of it. His hands run over your body as he kisses you breathless, tongue running over the insides of your mouth like he hopes to memorize it. His hands move from your waist to your back and back down, to your hips and your thighs. You gasp into his mouth, which he swallows, tongue pressing into the softness of your palate as he digs his fingers into your exposed thighs, parting your legs so he can step between them. He brings your legs around his waist so he can lift you from the table, into his arms. You flail against him, wrapping your arms around him lest you fall. From this angle, you can gain an upper hand, forcing his head back with your hands on his jaw, kissing down into his mouth. 

“Muse,” he moans into your mouth. It’s the most gorgeous sound, you don’t even mind the way he’s carrying you from the room, nearly stumbling into the wall when he’s moaning into your mouth. His hands are under your dress, feeling over your thighs and ass, blindly making his way to his bedroom with you clinging to him. You move your attention from his mouth to his neck, letting the blinding feeling of desire and need fill you. Heeseung moans fill your head as you mouth over his neck and jaw, burying your face into the crook of his neck. 

He all but throws you onto the bed when he finally makes it to the room, still staring at you with flaming, blackened eyes. You feel helplessly pinned beneath his gaze, watching as he looks at you with flushed skin, chest heaving, lifting a hand to rip his cloak from his shoulders. A burning feeling starts to begin in your chest as he climbs onto the bed, crawling towards you. You lift a hand to it, spread out on the bed beneath him, trying to find the origins of it but Heeseung already knows it. He gets on top of you, all but tearing your dress open so he can look, finding where his name has been written into your skin. You look down to see it burning and glowing black, Heeseung staring down at it with dilated pupils. 

“You can’t be,” he whispers but still his gaze lifts back to your face, open and surprised, eyes hazy with arousal. “You’re not mortal. You’ve never been mortal.” The words leave him like he can’t understand it.

“No, of course not,” you tell him but it doesn’t quell anything within him. If anything it makes him shake, unrestrained lust and desire surging through him. He pushes you down into the bed, hovering over the top of your body. You stare up at him, entranced by the look in his eyes. Somehow, you’re not scared, instead watching as his blackened eyes run over your form with something like adoration. 

“How have you been hiding from me this whole time?” He whispers. Heeseung’s hands run over your body with adoration. He struggles with the tie of your dress, all but tearing it the rest of the way open so you can finally be revealed to him. You flinch back from his rough movements but once your dress has been opening, revealing your body, his touch becomes soft. Scorching and burning and flaming over every inch of skin he touches, hot enough to hurt, fanning a flame inside of you you didn’t know was there. You throw your head back, overwhelmed by it all as Heeseung leans down to kiss your chest, mouthing over the words he put on your skin. “It could’ve been you. I could’ve been first,” he moans brokenly into your skin, bringing his hands to your waist to slide them beneath you, gathering you in his arms.

You don’t know what he means, but it doesn’t matter. Your thoughts all disappear as you arch your back into his touch, his mouth moving over your skin with a desperation, tongue and teeth and lips. His kisses travel over your collarbones and your chest, licking over your nipples, making you clench the bedding beneath you. Further down, Heeseung showers you with affection, over your breasts to your ribs and stomach and waist. You look down to see him caress you with his mouth like he can’t get enough of your body, like he never wants to stop touching you. 

Lying you out again, he moves further down, to your undergarments, which he hastily pulls down, your hips lifting to help him. You couldn’t imagine pushing him away. Heat melts through you, centering deep within your hips. Your undergarments are damp with your slick, dripping from you onto the bedding once he’s taken them from you. Heeseung doesn’t waste any time, parting your legs with gentle hands so he can get between them, letting his mouth run over your body once again. 

“I needed you so badly,” he moans into your skin, lips kissing your lower stomach, over your hips, down towards where you need him. You still can’t find it in yourself to touch him, worried that it might break whatever desperate lust filled spell is filling his head. He keeps going, skipping where you need him most so he can kiss over your thighs, mouthing and sucking and licking and biting at the skin inside. You whimper, hips kicking when he avoids you, your cunt clenching and unclenching around nothing. You look down at him, watching as Heeseung finally lifts his gaze from your body once he’s finished biting a dark mark into your thigh. He rests his cheek against the inside of your thigh, panting heavily as he looks up at you with nothing less than adoration in his eyes.

“You have no idea what you are, do you?” He asks and you shake your head. “You’re what I need. You’re my other half.” He interrupts himself just to needily kiss your skin. “And all this time, you’ve been hidden from me.” Barely can he say a single sentence without kissing your skin with a desperation that bleeds from him. “Another great punishment from the cosmos, from my very mother who swore that I was never meant to be born. You were kept from me.” He crawls up your body, hands all over you, mouth trailing all across your skin, only to take your face in his hands once he’s knelt between your legs. “But no longer.” He swears, kissing across your chest, your collarbones, like devotion, like worship. “I’ll have you as I was always meant to.” 

“Why do I not know?” You ask, tears building in your eyes with frustration. “I feel like I know nothing. I feel like I’ve never known anything at all.” You grab at him, fisting his shirts in your fingers. He lets you, looking at you with such softness you can’t stand it. “All this time, and I know nothing.” Heeseung brushes your tears away when they fall from your eyes. “Tell me you’re not lying,” you demand, pulling on him, forcing him closer. Your tone is tight, but it threatens to shatter like glass and Heeseung’s heart aches, listening to you beg for the truth. “Tell me you’re not lying to me. I couldn’t take it, after everything⁠—” You cut yourself off with a sob.

“I am not lying,” Heeseung assures you. “Of all the things in these cosmos, I would not lie about this. Please, you have to believe me.” His own eyes have softened, dark brown and pleading with you. “Every soul is weighed because every soul is only half of what they are. Every soul is forever seeking their other half, even us.” He sounds breathless as he says it, stroking your cheeks like you’re made of glass. The most precious thing he could ever touch. “Even Gods. You are mine.” He presses kisses to your tear streaked cheeks. “You are my other half, my beautiful Muse.” He kisses your lips again, sweet and deep and desperate. You pull him closer, trying to get him against you, but his clothes rub uncomfortably against your skin. When he parts, he speaks into your lips, “And now I will have you, as I have always meant to.” 

When he slips away from you, it’s to disrobe, his clothes peeling away from his gorgeous body. You watch from the bed as he strips them away, layers between your skin, until he’s able to move back to you, laying himself over you. His golden skin slides over yours, warm and sweet, his mouth making its way from your stomach to your chest as he drops down between your spread legs. His hands slide over your thighs to your hips and waist, gathering you in his arms once more. You wrap yours around him, finally allowing yourself to touch him, his lips caressing the burn of his name as he presses himself against your body. 

He brings you into his lap, your legs parted around his hips. Heeseung departs from your skin just so he can look down, taking a hand from your back so that he might spread you open from him. You moan as his fingers run over your slick folds, gathering the wetness that drips from you to spread it over himself. Already his cock is hard and leaking, but still he needs more. Heeseung moans, teasing himself with the slick of you, pressing forward to align himself with your entrance. You’re more than he could ever hope for, he wants to savor this. He wants to have you for the first time as long as possible. 

Your body aches for him as he carefully pushes himself inside of you. You lean forward to clutch him against you as you’re filled with him. You shift over his lap, all but straddling him, his hand leaving his cock to instead take you by the hip, dragging you down over him. Heeseung’s gasps and whimpers filter through your consciousness but it’s hard to focus on it when it feels like you’re being torn apart from the inside, fire and flames washing through you, a bone deep ache. 

“You feel so good,” Heeseung moans into your cheek, his hands gripping you so tightly it hurts. “Like you were made for me.” 

“I was,” you whisper into his ear, a shiver ripping through him.

His hands slide over your body, his lips pressing kisses to your shoulder and neck as he grips your ass, guiding you on top of him. Every stroke of him against your walls sends new, mind numbing, earth shattering waves of pleasure through you. You have to dig your fingers into his shoulders to keep yourself grounded to the reality of him, his body against yours, his hands on your body, to keep from floating away. Your eyes are constantly rolling, your body following his guidance so mindlessly, eating up every last ounce of pleasure he gives to you. 

“So good,” you whisper into his ear. “Heeseung, please,” you whimper, choking a moan from his lips. 

“Oh please,” he cries out. He forces you to move faster, building to a frantic pace, your hips meeting his with loud, wet slaps, your slick dripping out of you to stain his skin, dripping down between your bodies to the bedding. “Oh please, please,” he moans, head thrown back. You press your lips to his skin, kissing over the golden skin beneath you, watching as he trembles underneath you, wracked with pleasure like he’s never known before. “I need more,” he whimpers into your throat. “I need you.” 

You pull him with you, down towards the bed. He falls with you, your back hitting the bed. You’re trapped beneath his body, your legs parted around his hips, Heeseung leaning over the top of you. His cock slips deeper inside, forcing you to take him at a different angle. You choke out a strangled moan as Heeseung adjusts for you. He takes your thighs in hand, pressing them back against your stomach, leaning over the top of you, making you cry out for him. Your hands find his wrists, digging into them as he starts to fuck you slowly, rolling his hips down into the tight press of your body, your knees over his shoulders. He looks down at you through flaming irises, watching your expression grow hazy, your mouth open, your eyes staring into his, unfocused and hazy. 

“Like this?” He asks, going faster and faster. You throw your head back into the pillow as he takes you apart. His hands leave your thighs so he can take your hands in his, bringing them up beside your head, pinning you down with his hands on either side of your head. From this close, he can practically bend you in half watching from up close as you take him, over and over again, forced to experience every last mind breaking wave of pleasure that rushes through you. 

Your eyes are transfixed on his eyes, the way they’re turning pitch black, soaking up all the light in the room, spreading out to fill even sclera, turning deep and endless. You can’t tear your eyes away from him as it happens, heat rising up from deep within your pleasure, aching through you, licking out at your every nerve ending. The heavy pressure of him inside of you, the feeling of him filling you over and over again, you can feel it building inside of you, closer and closer to the precipice. 

“Heeseung,” you whimper, squeezing his hands in yours, your hips trying to buck up against his but unable to with the way he’s pressed you down into the bedding. “I- I-” 

“Give it to me,” he whispers. “Let me feel you. Like I was always meant to.” He watches you as something dark and all consuming builds inside of you, flaring through the words on your chest, rising up into your eyes. Black and flaming, reaching out through your pupils, swallowing your irises, into your sclera. “Yes, yes, yes,” Heeseung moans. “Yes, beautiful. Become mine.”

You cry out, head thrown back as it tears through you, your cunt spasming around his cock. Cum gushes out of you, dripping and adding to the mess between your bodies. Heeseung grips your hands, chasing the way you tighten around him, over and over and over until it breaks over him too. His eyes close, mouth falling open as he comes apart inside of you, filling you up. 

In the library, left alone on the scale, Heeseung’s bottle glitters. The gaseous form inside turns silver, sinking down to the bottom. The liquid inside swirls against the side of the glass, splashing and lashing and churning until it settles down, idling at the bottom of the bottle. A perfect match to your own. 

“Do you really think I could’ve been first?” You ask, lying in bed beside him once you’ve both cleaned up. You’re cradled against his chest, like he can’t imagine letting go of you. You rest your head on his chest, his arms wrapped around your waist, a hand rubbing up and down your side. Heeseung hums from above you, as though truly still thinking it over. 

“If things had been different, perhaps you would’ve,” Heeseung says. 

He knows well how different things could’ve been. He knows that his mother always resented him, feared him perhaps, for all the power he possessed. He was the one who killed their father, he was the one who helped form the Earth, he was the one who made the very first human. Heeseung’s always had power unlike anything else, and for that their mother feared that he might one day turn on all of them. It was with great fear and resentment for her eldest child that she turned to her other sons, begging them to stop him. He knows that, had their mother had her way, they would’ve killed him, but they didn’t. Instead Heeseung was thrown to the abyss beyond the river, chained to an eternity of doing what they feared he would’ve destroyed. Maintaining a careful balance. 

Their mother did everything in her power to destroy what Heeseung created, including humans. It killed her, what she did, trying to undo what her son had done. She unthreaded human souls, forcing them into two, doing what she thought was necessary to be sure that her son’s creations could never fulfill what she feared most. Dethrone the sons she loved so desperately. She tore herself apart to do it, hiding the truth from her six sons in the hope that they would never discover it. 

Truly, Heeseung knew this might happen. His brothers were built in his image, he knew they would never be whole on their own. He, though, he thought maybe he would be. His mother was more devious than he thought. She must’ve known otherwise for how else would you be a God if she had not purposefully hidden you from him?

“If things had been different, I wouldn’t have had to go to such lengths to find you. I would’ve… maybe I would’ve had you a long time ago.” He looks down at you and smiles gently. He presses a soft kiss to your forehead, making you smile as well. “I would’ve torn the world apart for you if I knew they were hiding you from me,” he whispers into your skin. “You know this, don’t you?” 

“I know it,” you agree.

a/n: *the unprotected sex depicted is both purposeful and symbolic, engage in safe sex practices like condoms and contraceptives in real life. safe sex saves lives; i'm not crying, you're crying. honestly, i'm crying though, this was such an amazing, once-in-a-lifetime story to get to write and i'm so, so unbelievably happy with how it turned out and how it's ending. i hope you guys love as much as i do and thank you will never be enough to thank all of you for being so wonderful and kind and invested in this story as much as i was. i think it's so amazing, the pantheon is truly a one of a kind story. thank you so much for doing it with me. and so ends the pantheon.

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tocarte 

oh wow (not in a bad way).

Retiring officially from this blog but I’ll leave my works up as an archive. Thank you for the years of support and love and my messages are always open! Love you guys

this is a need

UNDER MY SKIN

Shuri X Reader

Summary: shuri takes you to Haiti and y’all r cuddling, ur real touchy, Shuri’s kinda soft idk

Warning; none really, just fluff and you and shuri bein real touch-deprived, this was originally a shuriri snippet but I made it x reader

You squirm as you adjust in bed, your face smushed into the pillow as sunlight invades all of your senses. You groan audibly at the exposure to the sun.

Soft gentle lips travel up up your spine, kissing warm skin before finally landing on you cheekbone. Long tattooed fingers wrap around your pretty hips and pull you close.

You let out a soft hum in between light breaths as you stretch your head back briefly. Shuri takes it as an opportunity to wrap an arm across your stomach before she presses a kiss in between the skin of your neck and shoulder.

“Shuri….”You murmur, beginning to turn around to tuck your head beneath Shuri’s jaw. You hear a chuckle from Shuri at how much you’ve been squirming and trying to get close to her. She misses that. Hearing your laughter and picturing your smile against her skin.

“M’tired,” You groan into her skin. you’ve never been a morning person anyway. Ever since college, early mornings and a blaring alarm always made you hate the morning. But now,You’re woken up by the sun and you don’t mind it so much. But the sunlight is still so blinding.

“I know, My love, Go back to sleep,” Shuri whispers, ghosting her nails along the skin of pretty hips, soothing over the marks she’s deposited on you. You shift to your side, throwing a leg over both of Shuri’s. It’s been too long since you’ve felt her comforting warmth.

“I’m trying, You’re in the way,” You grumble in your sleep yet you move closer to Shuri and wraps yourself around the woman like a vine.

“Whatever you say,” Shuri mutters, openly accepting you and wrapping her toned arms around her woman.

Her duties have been on her mind lately. She loves traveling back and forth but Wakanda needs her. The council needs her. Her people need her. But so do you, So she’s taken time to escape Wakanda for a little and take you to Haiti. Where all you two gotta worry about is the bugs and not getting coconuts dropped on your head.

She focuses on the sound of her lover’s heartbeat and tries to tune out the sound of the waves and the fan whirring in the corner of the room. It’s grounding and she feels her eyelids get heavy just because of your presence.

You snuggle closer, sighing into warm skin as sunlight bathes your bodies. Shuri can feel your lashes moving against her skin as you begin to fall asleep. You feel her body go slack against yours and eventually you shut your eyes too.