Person A Is In Bed Reading A Book. Person B Enters And Climbs Into Bed With Them. Without Looking Up

Person A is in bed reading a book. Person B enters and climbs into bed with them. Without looking up person A raises their arm so that person B can crawl under and snuggle up with them. Person B falls asleep.

no more ‘vampires who correct history books’

more vampires who don’t remember more vampires saying ‘i don’t fucking know man, google it’ more vampires not remembering important historical figures more vampires not recalling centuries worth of history more vampires saying ‘ that was at least 300 years ago, how the FUCK could i remember that detail?’ more vampires whose brains work like human brains

5 editor’s secrets to help you write like a pro

1. Sentences can only do one thing at a time.

Have you ever heard a four-year-old run out of breath before she can finish her thought? I edit a lot of sentences that work the same way. You need a noun, you need a verb, you might need an object. Give some serious thought to stopping right there.

Sentences are building blocks, not bungee cords; they’re not meant to be stretched to the limit. I’m not saying you necessarily want a Hemingway-esque series of clipped short sentences, but most writers benefit from dividing their longest sentences into shorter, more muscular ones.

2. Paragraphs can only do one thing at a time.

A paragraph supports a single idea. Construct complex arguments by combining simple ideas that follow logically. Every time you address a new idea, add a line break. Short paragraphs are the most readable; few should be more than three or four sentences long. This is more important if you’re writing for the Web.

3. Look closely at -ing

Nouns ending in -ing are fine. (Strong writing, IT consulting, great fishing.) But constructions like “I am running,” “a forum for building consensus,” or “The new team will be managing” are inherently weak. Rewrite them to “I run,” “a forum to build consensus,” and “the team will manage.” You’re on the right track when the rewrite has fewer words (see below).

(If for some insane reason you want to get all geeky about this, you can read the Wikipedia article on gerunds and present participles. But you don’t have to know the underlying grammatical rules to make this work. Rewrite -ing when you can, and your writing will grow muscles you didn’t know it had.)

4. Omit unnecessary words.

I know we all heard this in high school, but we weren’t listening. (Mostly because it’s hard.) It’s doubly hard when you’re editing your own writing—we put all that work into getting words onto the page, and by god we need a damned good reason to get rid of them.

Here’s your damned good reason: extra words drain life from your work. The fewer words used to express an idea, the more punch it has. Therefore:

Summer months Regional level The entire country On a daily basis (usually best rewritten to “every day”) She knew that it was good. Very (I just caught one above: four-year-old little girl)

You can nearly always improve sentences by rewriting them in fewer words.

5. Reframe 90% of the passive voice.

French speakers consider an elegantly managed passive voice to be the height of refinement. But here in the good old U.S. (or Australia, Great Britain, etc.), we value action. We do things is inherently more interesting than Things are done by us. Passive voicemuddies your writing; when the actor is hidden, the action makes less sense.

Bonus: Use spell-check

There’s no excuse for teh in anything more formal than a Twitter tweet.

Also, “a lot” and “all right” are always spelled as two words. You can trust me, I’m an editor.

Easy reading is damned hard writing. ~ Nathaniel Hawthorne

writers

write that sentence, that dialogue, that scene that terrifies you

don’t delete shit, just move it to another document

have a “bits and pieces” document for all the odds and ends you can’t fit anywhere else

think of the color of a person’s eyes, imagine something reflected in them, now write that scene

fiction doesn’t have to be 100% accurate, don’t research yourself to boredom

i’m being serious there’s a thing called suspension of disbelief and it’s magical (yes that’s me making a joke)

write something that makes you cry

write something that makes you laugh

write something you can’t explain to other people

write something you won’t remember until you read it the next day

don’t read about the publishing industry until you really, really need to. all it will do is make you unbelievably tired

listen to music from open world RPG video games, you’re welcome

always take a small journal or some paper and a pen with you

write by hand in a journal every once in a while

put the ending of your story in the beginning and see what happens

listen to input from other people. yes you’re the writer, but they’re the reader and they want to help you make something spectacular

said is not dead dude like wtf

the thesaurus is shiny and lovely and a great resource but don’t let words get in the way of your story telling, you don’t need to write prose as poetry for it to be beautiful

just finish the draft first, worry about perfection after

yes, you do have talent

yes, you can do this. you already are

where an international spy gets the wrong intel and strikes up a conversation with an informant but it turns out the other person is just normal. they aren’t a spy, they’re just having a coffee when this well dressed stranger quoted some pop culture reference and they couldn’t help but answer because like, it was so obvious

now the spy weekly talks shop while the normal person relates

“almost died last week”

“tell me about it, the new management is terrible”