She Has Defied The Laws Of Physics

She has defied the laws of physics

Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated

Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-

Me: he needs to be sedated

Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-

Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off

Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate

Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him

Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him

Me:

omfg i forgot that i never showed tumblr my greatest achievement. my pride and joy, my pi-ass de résistance

You know what I wish they'd mentioned in the movie? Adamantium is poisonous like lead. Wolverine wasn't born with adamantium bones, they were the result of a government experiment. If not for his healing factor constantly fixing the damage, he would have been killed by his own bones long ago. Juuust like how Deadpool is only alive because his healing factor constantly fights his cancer. Two human experiments who fought their way out of the test tube and are constantly dying but will live forever regardless.

Ouch? Why you gotta do me like that

Oh? You’re a Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley lover? Hm.. okay tell me more about your deep and haunting desire for someone at their worst to choose to stay with you at yours, protecting you from all harm and hurt like a big scary dog.

okay so there’s a thing i’ve being doing recently to get myself to do my work tasks. i have adhd and it’s barely manageable even with the meds, the executive disfunction is ruining my career, no kidding. but i might’ve found something that actually helps, even if it’s very embarrassing.

i stuff myself with a dildo, put on my boxers and sweatpants to hold it in, and go sit on my desk to work. i have the following rules:

i’m not allowed to cum until i finish all of my work

for every finished task i reward myself. usually i divide my tasks in three groups and after i finish the first one, i reward myself with stuffing myself with a bigger toy. after i finish the second one, i reward myself with turning the vibe on (and after i finish the third one, i naturally reward myself with finally touching my throbbing dick while the vibe is turning my insides into mush)

i’m currently single so i imagine an abstract dom praising me and teasing me and cooing at me while i am at it. telling me i’m such a good and needy boy, that i just have to finish this thing and i’m gonna get my reward.

it works pretty well, the only problem is that being the undisciplined brat i am i can’t help but slip occasionally and find excuses to give myself a reward without earning it… i can only imagine how effective it would’ve been if i had someone to actually control me and punish me if i try to find an easy way out…

but this is also like. really embarrassing. because i have been prescribed meds and i know lot of normal life-hacks, but this is the most effective thing i’ve ever tried and i hate the fact. but like feel free to try it out, I’ll be glad if it works for you as well.